I am in Asia and visit a family in their house. As I am about to leave, I realize I have forgotten my name, my history, where I live, and everything about me. I ask them to help me, and they all mobilize to do so. I also notice I have poor short term memory, am not as good with practical things as I used to be, and so on. I tell them that something is seriously wrong with how my brain works, and they need to take me to a doctor.
WAKING LIFE
I have CFS which, in itself, comes with serious cognitive impairments. It got a lot worse 15-18 (?) ago, then briefly a little better, then worse again. After Covid three years ago, my memory dramatically worsened. The Lyme disease I had 7-10 (?) years ago, also didn’t help.
So yes, this is something I notice in daily life. I am not able to read books (I used to love reading books). I am rarely able to watch a movie (sometimes, I’ll watch one in several sections over several days). I can only skim articles. I generally can’t listen to any podcast or talk that requires much processing. After some minutes of conversation, I am having serious trouble following the content, processing the information, and finding words, especially if the topic requires mental or emotional processing. I am not able to drive since I can’t process the traffic information well enough or quickly enough. And so on.
When I write here, I usually write early in the morning since that’s when I have a short period where I am able to, and I only write on topics already very familiar to me that don’t require much processing. I also typically don’t do much editing or revising, since that’s too much.
In general, all of this gets a lot worse through the day, and it gets worse after 5-10 minutes of reading, listening to something, having a conversation, or whatever it may be.
I rely heavily on lists. I write down anything and everything I need to remember.
This all has a big impact on my daily life. (It’s also in dramatic contrast to how it was during the periods where my health was a little better – where I studied at graduate levels with top grades, read two or three non-fiction books a week – Jung, Wilber, systems theories, mysticism from around the world, and so on.)
Over the last few weeks, I have noticed that my cognitive functions are dipping even more than usual, maybe because of some challenging circumstances (a lot happening at once) and stress.
ALL AS ME
I can also explore all the dream elements and dynamics as part of me, reflecting or representing parts of my psyche.
One part my cognition forgets and doesn’t work as well as it did. Another part recognizes what’s happening, and enlist other parts of me to step in and actively support and help.
QUESTIONS
In general, this dream seems to reflect some of what’s noticed and paid attention to in waking life.
I am not sure why the setting is Asia, possibly India. I tend to see people in Asia as more community oriented and ready to actively help a stranger if needed.
Also, why am I in a setting where I am a stranger? Maybe it is because when my brain doesn’t work so well, this human self and the wider world all feels a bit like a stranger.
EVEN IF I FORGET EVERYTHING, WHAT I AM IS STILL HERE
There is another side to this.
Even if I forget everything – about this human self, the world, and so on – what I am is still here.
My system can forget all this conventional information and knowledge, and what I am is still here.
There is still this awake space that takes the form of any and all experience, including anything that has to do with this human self and the wider world and states coming and going.