I have had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) for a long time now, and I keep noticing how my energy levels impact everything.
WHEN MY SYSTEM IS IN PEM OR A CRASH
When my system is in Post-Exertion Malaise (PEM) or a crash…
I don’t have resources to deal with anything apart from full rest. My system is solely focused on absolute rest and there are no resources for anything else.
I don’t have the resources to think, talk, plan, or make decisions. If I have to talk or make decisions, it usually doesn’t go very well. I say things that don’t make sense. I make bad choices.
I don’t have the resources to regulate my relationship with my emotions and thoughts.
My mind tends to project the current state into the future. Somewhere, my mind imagines that it will always be like this and that – understandably – brings up survival fear. It helps to notice what’s happening, remember that everything changes, and switch off any conscious engagement with future-thinking and rest here and now.
in general, my system has trouble regulating just about anything – temperature (easily too hot or too cold), appetite (I either lose appetite or eat more than usual in an attempt to restore energy), eyesight (gets blurry), emotions, cognitive processes, and so on. There is a breakdown in its ability to regulate many processes, and especially the “luxury” ones like thinking.
It’s difficult to do anything apart from full rest, and it’s difficult to relate to my inner and outer life in any skillful way.
WHEN MY SYSTEM IS LESS DEPLETED
My system is never not depleted. It never functions well and never has a lot of energy. But it is sometimes more stable and less dramatically depleted, usually after days, weeks, and months of very intentional rest – which includes choosing away just about everything apart from the essentials of survival.
When my system is not dealing with PEM and is not in a crash, I have some resources to deal with my inner and outer life, in short segments at a time. I can make some decisions. I can process information in brief moments. I can talk for a little while.
In general, my system has more resources to regulate whatever needs to be regulated, including emotions and cognitive processes.
A FEW THINGS THAT HELP
There are some things that help my system stay stable and avoid PEM and crashes.
The most important is regulating my activity and pacing. I limit my activities. I ask for help. I usually do the few things I do in five minute sections, after a lot of intentional rest. (This includes simple things like watching a movie.) I rest before, during, and after any activity, and extra. I notice the signs of having done too much (a weird vibration in my system, headache, nausea, a desperation for rest) and intentionally rest.
I am very conscious about my food and water intake. I make sure to drink a lot of water. (Herbal teas mostly.) I eat low on the food chain. (Vegetables, fruit, quinoa etc.). I avoid foods my body is not happy with. (Processed and refined foods.) I eat to two thirds full. I eat mostly during a six-hour window during the day. I have simple snacks regularly. (Nuts, fruit, vegetables.)
I try to get good sleep. I go to bed early. I try to sleep in a quiet place. I use melatonin or CBD drops if needed.
I try to intentionally relate to what’s here. With kindness. Noticing and questioning stressful thoughts. Tonglen. Ho’oponopono. Notice my headlessness. Find myself as Big Mind/Heart. Be a good parent for myself.
I ask for Vortex Healing energization. This supports my system in recovering from PEM and crashes.
THE LESSONS HERE
What are the lessons here?
When we are healthy, it’s easy to overlook how much energy required for even daily and apparently simple tasks. We may not even notice it takes energy. It’s invisible to us.
We don’t notice how much energy it takes to sit upright, to walk to the bathroom, to take a shower, to make food, to have a simple conversation, to process even simple information, to watch a movie, and so on. We also may not notice how much energy is required to regulate our relationship with emotions and thoughts.
When our system is depleted, as it is with CFS – and even more so with PEM and in a crash – all of that becomes abundantly clear. Even the simplest task requires a good amount of energy. Even something as invisible as how we relate to emotions and thoughts takes more energy than most notice or imagine.
We can’t take any of it for granted.