I am in a happy and simple romantic relationship.
This dream image was with me as I woke up. There was no information about who it was, and it wasn’t important. It was the simplicity of it that was in the foreground.
WAKING LIFE
The essence is that I have often missed out of romantic relationships that could have been simple and happy, and I have instead found myself in complicated ones that didn’t feel simple or very happy.
That’s partly because I have had ideas about how it should look, and I have not pursued relationships for that reason. For instance, it should be someone who is as dedicated to an awakening and healing path as me, and on a similar path, with similar goals in life. I haven’t met many like that.
The other side of this is trauma response, not feeling lovable, enough, and so on, and also that a simple and happy relationship may seem too simple to me. The wounded parts of me seek more complication and struggle since that’s what I know from growing up with my parents.
As a consequence of this, I have missed out on some potential relationships I then deeply regretted, had some relationship that felt deeply right and were short lived, and some longer ones that felt wrong at different levels.
I also missed out of the experimental phase many have in their youth. Mainly because I wanted to find the “perfect” one and, for that reason, didn’t follow up on several opportunities that could have been good, at least for a while, and would have given me useful experiences.
Again, I know I didn’t follow up on certain opportunities because the other seemed just ordinarily nice and uncomplicated. (There was especially one during my university days.) This is likely trauma behavior. I seek something that reminds me of unhealed patterns in myself, created from growing up in the (relatively ordinarily) dysfunctional family I did.
That’s all my life in the world.
MIRROR
What about the dream as a mirror? As an expression – and parts – of who and what I am?
I have that simplicity in me. The simple good relationship. That’s in me too.
The dream reminds me of that in me.
How would it be to find a simple relationship with myself? With parts of myself?