For a few decades now, I have explored living with a chronic illness and disability – Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME).
I imagine that some of what I have found helpful for me can be helpful to anyone, especially in our society and culture.
Self-worth. In our culture, we are trained to find our self-worth through achievements and activities. What if we are valuable as we are? What if we have inherent value, just like all life and all beings? What if we are OK and enough as we are?
Pacing. Life has seasons. What if we include those seasons through the day and over a series of days? What if activity is followed by rest? What if we schedule in rest? What if we find restful ways to do our activities?
Body comfortable. How is it to do what I am doing in a little more comfortable way? How is it to find a more restful, enjoyable, and nourishing way to do it?
Ask for help. In our culture, we are trained to be self-reliant and self-sufficient. How would it be to ask for help? What if it’s not a burden for the other? Maybe that person is happy to help, feel useful, and contribute to someone else’s life?
Find an authentic yes or no. When you say yes or no, is authentic? Are you fully on board with it? Is it something you need to say to yourself or the other first? What are you afraid may happen if you say an authentic yes or no? Is it likely to happen? Is it something you can live with?
Find a “yes” or “no” in your body. When deciding to do something or not, how would it be to do this: (a) Say “I can do it if I want, and I want to do it”. Notice how your body responds. Does it relax. Is there excitement? Does it come alive? If so, that may be a genuine yes. Does your body contract? Do you hold back your breath? That may be a no. Then, say to yourself: “I can do it if I want, and I don’t want to do it.” Notice your body’s response. Does it relax or come alive? Does it contract and hold back?
Find meaning. How is it to find meaning in your life as it is? Maybe in connecting with nature? In genuine connection with others?
Find joys in daily life. How is it to find joys in daily life? In what’s already here or what you can easily do? In watching the sun or rain out the window. In the song of a bird. A cup of tea. A delicious lunch. Music. A conversation. Sitting on the terrace.
Making friends with your body. How is it to make friends with your body? As it is? It’s here for you. Every second of every day it’s here for you. It’s doing its best to support your life.
Making friends with your life. How would it be to make friends with your life? As it is? How would it feel? What would change? What stands in the way? What beliefs and identities may stop you? How would it be if they were not there? If you saw through them and they didn’t have a hold on you?
Making friends with your experiences. How would it be to make friends with your experience as it is here and now? The discomfort? Contractions? Anxiety? Frustrations? What if your experience right now is OK? What if it was OK to make friends with it?
Thanking contractions. When I notice contractions in myself – scared parts of me – I thank them. They are here to protect me. They were formed as a way for my psyche to protect me, often early in life. They come from care for me, and love for me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me. Stay as long as you want.
The essence of wants. Take any wish, want, or need. What do you hope to get out of it? What do you hope to get out of that? Continue until you arrive at a simple essence. (This simple essence may turn out to be universal, innocent, and even beautiful.) Do this with many of your wishes, wants, or needs. Is the essence of what you wish for already here? How is it to notice? Also, how can you bring it into your life more? (Adyashanti.)
Needs may be wishes. Is what you think of as a need really a need? Isn’t it really more of a want or wish? If so, how is it to admit that to yourself? (Byron Katie.)
Change “have to” to “want to”. Notice when or if you say “I have to…” to yourself or someone else. How is it to change it to “I want to… because…”? Is that more honest and authentic? How does it feel? (Marshall Rosenberg, NVC.)
Refining goals. I had to let go of some goals and find new ones, more appropriate to my situation and circumstances. That can be painful, although also rewarding. The new goals can be as good as the previous ones, or even better. They can come from more authenticity.
Nourish nourishing relationships. I have let go of relationships that were not so nourishing, and instead nourished – and sought out – more genuinely nourishing relationships. Nourish the relationships that make you come alive.
Nourish nourishing activities. Find, engage in, and prioritize nourishing activities, the ones that make you come alive.
Find connections with the larger whole. We are already part of this living planet and this unfolding universe, although we also live in a culture with a separation worldview. How is it to explore and deepen into these connections with the larger whole? (Deep ecology, Practices to Reconnect, Universe Story, Epic of Evolution, lived cosmology, EcoSpirituality, etc.)
Question and see through the shoulds of our culture and civilization. We live in a culture that has a strong domination element, and that’s hard for all of us. What are these shoulds? Where do they come from? What do they do with us, as individuals and society? Who or what do they serve? What are some alternatives? How would it be to bring those into my life and live from them?
One way I see CFS/ME is as a correction to our mainstream culture with its emphasis on productivity and finding value and identity through work. In this culture, more is better. Work hard and play hard. There is a one-sidedness here, and the world of CFS/ME is a correction to this one-sidedness. It’s a way for life to balance it out. There are important lessons from the world of CFS/ME for the rest of society.
Writing this, I am also reminded of good enough. With my brain fog and fatigue, it’s difficult for me to take in information and also to write. I forget. I can’t find much flow. It’s difficult for me to read over to edit. And that’s OK. It’s good enough, at least for now and for this article and this purpose.