In our culture, we are often trained to find our value in our roles, actions, how we appear to others, and by comparing ourselves to others.
So how do we find our value independent of all of this?
BABIES!
A good start may be to notice that, for us, babies have immense value even if they don’t do much in the world (apart from pooping and eating) and even if they all are more or less the same. For us, they have an inherent value. So why wouldn’t it be that way for us? And everyone else?
FINDING LOVE FOR OURSELVES
We can find genuine love for ourselves.
We can shift our self-talk in a more kind and wise direction. (What we wish we had received as children.)
We can do tonglen or ho’oponopono with ourselves as a whole or parts of ourselves that feel unloved or we find difficult to find love for.
We can befriend the painful parts of us, listen to what they have to say, have a dialog with them, give them what they really want (often love, safety, support, etc.), and so on. Just recognizing that there are parts of us having this experience, and not all of us, can shift our relationship with it.
And we can do the same for others. Since they are mirrors for us, finding genuine love for others – no matter who they are or what they do, or what roles they have in the world – helps us find genuine love for more parts of ourselves.
EXAMINING PAINFUL STORIES
We can identify and inquire into painful beliefs and identities telling us we don’t have value.
We can identify and inquire into any beliefs we have around ideas of value. This helps undo the whole construct for us.
We can notice that any ideas of value and our own value (or lack thereof) are created by the mind. They are mental constructs and can only be found in our mental field. They come from our culture. They are not inherent in the world itself, or in ourselves as we are.
FINDING WHAT WE MORE FUNDAMENTALLY ARE
We can find what we more fundamentally are in our own first-person experience.
We find ourselves as oneness and wholeness and not lacking anything. We find an immense value as what we are.
We find that all beings, most likely, are the same to themselves and have the same immense value.
We find it may be easier to recognize that any and all ideas about value are created by the mind and not inherent in what we are or anything is.
And we may find the deep transformation that can happen when we notice our nature while also noticing and holding the parts of ourselves that feel unlovable and not valuable.
A NOTE ON WHY WE WOULD WANT TO FIND OUR VALUE INDEPENDENT OF ROLES ETC.
It’s not inherently wrong to find our value in our roles, actions, etc. But it is stressful. It means we are never quite enough. We always need to chase something. If life takes a turn so we lose our roles and ability to act in certain ways, it can be devastating to our sense of self-worth. And nobody benefits from that. Finding our value independent of all of this gives us a deeper sense of rest and we are more available to life. We are more able to follow our deeper guidance and what we genuinely love, and that typically benefits all of us.
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