Tag: confused love

Confused Buddhas

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A buddha would see you all as being exactly right; just where you are, all of you are buddhas. Even for those of you who do not know it, it is right for you not to know it at this moment

– Alan Watts

In a sense, we are all Buddhas. All beings are Buddhas.

To ourselves, we are capacity for our world, and what all our experiences – of this human self, the wider world, and anything else – happens within and as. All our experiences happen within our sense fields, and there is no inner or outer and no inherent boundaries in it. Any sense of boundaries comes from our mental field overlays, and they only appear real if we mistake them for being inherent in the world.

That’s how it is, whether we notice or not. In that sense, we are Buddhas whether we notice or not. We are oneness. We are the love that comes from noticing that oneness. We are the stillness and silence inherent in it. And all our experiences are that. All our experiences are capacity, oneness, love, stillness, and silence, taking whatever forms they take.

Whether we notice or not, this is what’s most familiar to us, more than anything else.

And since most of us don’t notice this consciously, or don’t notice it as fully as we potentially can, we are all not only Buddhas, but slightly confused Buddhas.

It’s how life shows up now. It’s an expression of all of existence and how it has unfolded going back to the beginning of this universe. It’s an expression of the creativity of life and this mind. Any ideas of right or wrong can only be found in our ideas of right and wrong. It’s perfectly imperfect.

And it’s also where a lot, and almost all, or all, of our discomfort and suffering, comes from, along with our confused actions in the world triggering suffering for ourselves and others.

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Addressing the polarities inherent in any emotional issue

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If we want to be thorough in exploring an emotional issue, we need to address both ends of the polarity it belongs to.

THE POLARITY

For instance, if we explore the victim part of us, we also need to explore the victimizer in us. They are both parts of the same dynamic and create and reinforce each other. If we only address one, we leave an important part of the dynamic out, and this holds some of the issue in place.

Both ends of the polarity are already in us, so if we want to explore an issue more thoroughly, we need to address both ends of the polarity and the dynamic between them.

SOME OF THE WAYS WE HAVE BOTH IN US

In what way do we have both in us?

I’ll take the victim-victimizer dynamic as an example.

We have victim thoughts like “poor me”, “life is unfair”, and these are also the victimizer thoughts. These thoughts, when held as true, create a sense of being victim.

I can find how I victimize myself when I engage in and fuel those kinds of thoughts. When I tell myself stories making me into a victim, I am the victimizer in that moment.

I can dialog with the victim and victimizer parts of me and get to know them. I can find both in me.

I can find several specific examples of how I have acted in ways that triggered a sense of victim in others.

I can take any story I have about victimizers in the world, turn it back to myself, and find specific examples of how it’s true.

The story of victim and victimizer is a story. It’s not inherent in the world. Both stories are in me. They are part of the mental representations I put on top of the world. (Which doesn’t condone victimization!)

I can find that I am what my field of experience happens within and as, and that includes any and all victims and victimizers I have ever know about. It’s all within what I am.

HOW CAN WE EXPLORE BOTH ENDS OF THE POLARITY?

In general, we can do it using whatever approach we are familiar with and works for us.

For me, I tend to do it through….

Dialog with each of these parts of me and getting to know them, how they see the world, how they see me and how I relate to them, how they see each other, what advice they have for me, and so on.

Inquiry into both ends of the polarity, whether I use The Work of Byron Katie or Living Inquiries.

Energy work for both ends of the polarity, in my case using Vortex Healing.

Connecting with the energy of one and then the other. Notice and allow. Notice they have the same true nature as myself. Allowing them to unfold and unravel, and align more with reality.

A FEW MORE WORDS ABOUT THE DYNAMIC

I’ll say a few more things about the dynamic.

We often identify with one end of these polarities and don’t recognize the other in us, and this is part of what creates and holds the issue in place. We may see one end in us and the other end out in the world, so we overlook the importance of addressing how both operate in us.

Our culture sometimes reinforce issues for that reason. Other people and stories in the culture often reinforce the idea that one end of the polarity is out there and the other is in here, so we don’t get the chance to explore both in ourselves – which is where the solution is.

Both ends of the polarity are needed within us to maintain the issue. Without an inner victimizer, we couldn’t feel like a victim. They depend on each other.

If we only address one, the other end will still be here in us, and that will tend to recreate the issue.

Often, we are aware of the other end of the polarity in us without recognizing it for what it is. For instance, we be aware of the thought “life is unfair” and believe it and feel like a victim. What we may not initially recognize is that this thought, when it’s believed, is what creates the sense of victimhood. It’s not only the thought of a victim, it’s also the victimizer thought. It’s the thought creating a sense of victim in me. When I engage in it, I make myself a victim. It’s innocent and normal, and good to notice.

Projection work, inquiry, and inner dialog are often good ways to find both ends of the polarity in us, especially if we are willing to look at anything – any situation and story – that has a charge for us.

These polarities in us are here to protect us. They were the best way our mind knew how to protect us in a situation in the past, and often early in life. They may be confused and misguided, from our adult perspective, and at the same time come from desire to protect us and kindness and love. In a very real sense, they are confused love.

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Evil, pain, confused love

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When we see actions that seem less than loving in ourselves and others, we interpret it in different ways. And these interpretations are based on our experience, understanding, and assumptions about people and life.

Behavior: Theft, lying, killing etc.

Surface psychology: Greed, anger, jealousy.

Moralistic, metaphysical: Evil.

Evolutionary: Behavior that, in some situations, helps us survive and bring up children.

Cultural and social perspective: Learned patterns. Learned ways of dealing with pain, fear, being a human in the world.

Family dynamics: A natural and understandable reaction to certain family dynamics.

Ordinary psychology: Coming from pain, wounds, trauma, reactivity.

Fear perspective: Reaction to unloved and unquestioned fear. Or, more precisely, unloved fear and reaction to the fear, and unquestioned assumptions behind the fear and the reaction to the fear.

Love and inquiry perspective: How we sometimes live when parts of us and our experience are unloved and unquestioned.

Living Inquiries: Deficient self, trying to protect an identity and/or fill a perceived hole.

The Work: The natural consequences of beliefs and identifications.

Satsang inquiry: Worried love, confused love, misguided love. An expression of love for the imagined self, trying to protect the imagined self.

Self-inquiry: Unquestioned assumption of being a separate self. Unexamined experience of (a) this seamless field of experience (b) being split, and (c) identifying with one part (me, I), and seeing the rest as “other” (others, the wider world).

Awareness: The play of awareness/awakeness.

Spirit: Divine play, lila.

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War metaphors, health, and love

moe Leave a comment

It’s common – in our culture, and our time – to use war metaphors in medicine and about our health.

As many have pointed out, it reflects a few different assumptions. It shows an assumption of a basic duality, or split, in ourselves and the world. An illness or medical problem is “other”, something that happens “to us”. And it also reflects an assumption that what’s happening is bad or wrong.

These views can be traced back to early Christianity, and Judaism, and perhaps even further back. And they can be found in some other cultures as well, in different flavors, although certainly not all cultures. Even that is a hint that these assumptions perhaps do not reflect something inherent in the world, and also that these type of assumptions are not inevitable. They are learned, and they can be unlearned, and perhaps be replaced with more helpful metaphors or assumptions.

I notice these basic assumptions in myself. Somewhere in me, there are assumptions that the CFS is “other”, something “other” that is impacting, me, and also that it’s wrong, bad, or at least unfortunate. There is also an assumption behind the label CFS, and what it means for me and my life.

When I notice that, there is the possibility to shift how I relate to all of this. Instead of taking it as how it is, and identify with the views created by  these assumptions, I can relate to these assumptions – and what they trigger in me – more intentionally.

I can, for instance, say you are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. I love you. And repeat this, quietly, and sit in it.

It’s often easier to first do this towards one assumption or reaction at a time, and then perhaps with all of it.

I can also use ho’oponopono towards these parts of me, these parts of worried love. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.

I can experiment with simple loving kindness. I love you.

This is a 180 degree turning around from the war metaphor mentality. It’s an experiment. There may be fears coming up, especially at first. Worries that I won’t take care of myself and my health if I genuinely find peace with and love for the symptoms, and the reactions in me towards them. I can meet those worries too in this way, and see what happens. Is it true I won’t take care of myself and my health? What is the reality? What really happens when I shift into finding love for what’s here, including that which I previously saw as “other” or wrong?

Also, how do I change my view on these symptoms and what’s triggered in me (worry, confusion, fear, anger)? Do I see it as worried or confused love? How is it different when I genuinely see it more that way? Is there a sense of love meeting love, presence meeting presence?

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Ancestral vs karma

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What’s surfacing here to be loved is largely – if not all – ancestral.

They are patterns passed on to me from my parents, other adults, and my culture.

They are patterns of delusion passed on through generations.

Now, they are here with an invitation for me to meet it with love, see through them, and feel what hasn’t been fully felt. They wish their own release, their own liberation.

And this ancestral stuff is really karma. Seen with the idea of time, everything has infinite causes stretching back to beginning of the universe and out to the extent of the universe.

Some of this karma, some chains of causality, are these ancestral patterns. Many of them are very useful and even invaluable. They help me to orient and function in the world.

And some of these ancestral chains are from delusion. They are from identification with words and images. They are from confused love. They are painful. And they are here in me, inviting me to be a loving presence for them, see through them, and feel what hasn’t been fully felt. They wish for their own release. They wish to align with reality. They wish to align with whatever love and clarity is here.

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Draw to death, anger at life, self-destructive patterns

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Most of us have parts that are drawn to death, angry at life (God), and appear to be caught in self-destructive patterns.

All of these seem to come from confused love.

The draw to death is really, it seems, a draw to death of suffering. In other words, a draw to death of certain painful beliefs and identifications. There is love behind this draw, and sometimes a confused love (making it appear as it’s a draw to the death of this human self, instead of painful dynamics.)

Anger at life (God, Spirit) similarly comes from a deep wound, often formed in childhood. And this wound is created and maintained by beliefs and identifications, or velcro as it’s called in the Living Inquiries. It’s good to acknowledge and feel this anger, and also inquire into what’s behind it.

Self-destructive patterns are similar. They too seem to come from deep wounds created early in life, and they are created and maintained by beliefs, identifications, and velcro (words, images and sensations “stuck” together). There is a perceived benefit here, as there always (?) seems to be with beliefs, identifications and velcro. The apparently self-destructive patterns too come from confused love. They are, in a very real sense, confused love.

So there is often a shift here, as it was for me. Initially, I saw these impulses as wrong and something to correct, or pretend is not there. That’s meeting these parts of ourselves and others from the place where they were created. They were created from a mindset that itself was wounded and fearful. The antidote is love.

The antidote is recognizing these dynamics as coming from fear, wounds and confused love. The antidote is meeting them with love, holding them as a loving presence. And the antidote is inquiring into any stories and identifications creating and holding them in place.

P.S. As Adya points out in Resurrecting Jesus, Judas is an image of these wounds in ourselves. He may be genuinely drawn to Jesus and what he sees in Jesus, and yet, he is also wounded and that wounding is sometimes expressed in lashing out at the ones we love the most. We all (?) have done that. I know I have.

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