Tag: emotions

Seeing and feeling all as Spirit

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With enlightenment, even an early form of it, there is a seeing of everything as Spirit. This is not necessarily a literal seeing (although it can be that too, in seeing the energy and consciousness aspect of all physical forms), but more of an immediate recognition of everything as emptiness and luminosity. Something arises, and it arises as Spirit and to Spirit. It is Spirit arising to itself.

Endarkenment seems to allow for a feeling of everything as Spirit. I have noticed this over the last several days. In addition to seeing it all as Spirit, to various extents (through for instance shifting into Big Mind), there is a feeling of it all as Spirit as well. And it is most noticeable in situations where the feelings have not been aligned in this way in the past.

When everything is seen as Spirit, that of course also includes emotions. There may be a situation, say somebody being noisy (a good example for me!), an emotional reaction, and everything here is seen as Spirit, as emptiness, awakeness, luminosity and form. It doesn’t change the emotional reaction or the emotional patterns, and in a sense, it doesn’t have to. It is all Spirit anyway, so it is all OK.

But the endarkenment do seem to allow the emotional patterns to change. So for instance yesterday, when I was doing things in different parts of town, there were situations that triggered some emotional reactions now and then, probably especially since I was quite sleep deprived and “raw”. At the same time, there was a clear feeling of it all as Spirit. The situation, the people, their behavior, everything was felt as Spirit, deeply, fully, richly. In an earthy and nurturing way, with the same sense of smooth fullness. I noticed I could allow this feeling of all as Spirit to envelop everything more fully. The emotional reactions were still there, to some extent, but now arising more as echoes of old patterns. And all of this is of course a process, something that unfolds over time.

Fertile darkness as metahpor and direct experience

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I have looked through some books on the dark goddesses and fertile darkness, including the Jungian Dancing in the Flames: The dark goddess in the transformation of consciousness and the Buddhist/shamanic The Fruitful Darkness: Reconnecting with the body of the Earth.

I read lots of books of that nature in my early twenties – Jungian views of the goddess, ecopsychology, ecospirituality, deep ecology, and so on, and found a deep resonance even then. It made sense on all the usual levels, and it was an experiential reality as well in different ways.

Yet, what strikes me now after the early endarkenment awakening is the difference between metaphor and direct experience of this fertile darkness.

Fertile darkness as metaphor

At the one hand, the dark goddess and the fertile darkness is a metaphor that works well at many levels. It is the yin, the earth connection, the body connection, lived and experienced. It is yin complementing the yang: the fertile darkness complementing the luminosity, the earth complementing the heaven, the relatedness complementing the detachment, love complementing wisdom.

And there are so many ways of working with this, including shadow work, body work and rituals, each one allowing us to deepen into it, allowing it to be more alive in us.

Direct experience of fertile darkness through endarkenment and belly awakening

The endarkenment awakening is certainly related to all of this, and what I have done in these areas have probably helped set the stage for this belly awakening, for this new shift.

At the same time, the endarkenment awakening is also very different, at least in my experience. It is an awakening clearly centered in the belly, and in the consciousness realm rather than the energy realm. It is an awakening where there is a direct and immediate experience of this fertile darkness, of the velvety blackness, empty and full at the same time, a ground of form.

The darkness is no longer just a useful metaphor, but a lived experience.

And this darkness can envelop anything arising, including anything arising in this personality. It makes it all OK, and seems to over time allowing it to heal and knots to unravel.

Enlightenment and mind, endarkenment and emotions

In a way, the endarkenment seems to do for emotions what enlightenment does for the mind.

Enlightenment clarifies the mind, allowing it to reorganize to the new awakening of everything as Spirit.

Endarkenment soothes the emotions, allowing them to reorganize to the new awakening to the fertile dark ground of form, to everything as the goddess and Spirit as well.

All as empty luminosity, and dark fullness

Also, in the initial awakening in my teens, everything was experienced as empty luminocity, including this physical body. Every cell in this body, and all form, was empty luminosity, golden, as a hologram with form and no substance.

Through the endarkenment awakening, there is a sense of the dark fullness of everything, a fertile loamy fullness of all form. There is a sinking into and as form in a very different way.

And this is, of course, just another form of transcendence and immanence, ascension and embodiment.

Light Sensitivity

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For a while, I have been doing eye yoga now and then, using the Bates Method as outlined in Natural Vision Improvement and other books and videos. In a short time, I went from being near sighted and needing glasses to perfect 20-20 vision, to my eye doctor’s great amazement.

The one thing that didn’t change was light sensitivity. I have been using sunglasses while driving in sunshine, and also at other times while being outdoors. Without sunglasses, there was a lot of squinting and general discomfort.

I mentioned this to a eye yoga teacher who was at the Breema intensive a couple of weeks ago, and she mentioned her own story about light sensitivity which involved resolving her fear of death.

That it had an emotional component made immediate sense to me. I went into the emotional component of my light sensitivity, which was readily available and had a distinct texture and quality. Staying with this, a memory of nightmare from my childhood came up: I dreamt that somebody used thin metal rods to go into my eye sockets and pull out my eyes (!). The same emotional texture is also related to a slight phobia I have to the visual appearance of needles (they sometimes brings up a discomfort in me, somehow connected with my eyes).

I stayed with this for the rest of the day and as I fell asleep, and I had a range of intense dreams that night which had a similar emotional tone to them.

Two days later, driving our car for two hours home in brilliant sunshine, I noticed to my surprise that I didn’t need sunglasses. My eyes seemed perfectly fine without, even in the stark sunshine here in Oregon in the summer. I asked my partner if the sunlight was somehow less bright that day, maybe due to forest fires or haze or something similar, but she said it was as bright as it gets.

Since then, I have not had any need for sunglasses, even in the consistently sunny days here before the fall rains.

It seems that my system had a readiness for shifting out of light sensitivity, and did so only with a little nudge – by allowing the emotional component of it to surface, be seen, be stayed with for as long as it was there.

Emotions, Needs & Stories

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For a while, I have been curious about the relationship between Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and The Work.

I went to a workshop with Marshall Rosenberg a while back, and also did a NVC class, and found it intriguing and quite useful – especially the distinction between needs and strategies to meet those needs.

What I didn’t want to see for a while is that there may not be any relationship between NVC and The Work. The Work seems to undercut everything that NVC is about.

Doing inquiry for a while, it becomes clear that emotions is a story, and needs is a story as well. There is no substance in either.

I am hurt. I need love. I feel angry. I need food. I am sad. I need appreciation.

They are all stories, and so obviously so.

I may not have food, and may die from the lack of it, but I still don’t need food. It is impossible for me to need anything.

I may not receive appreciation (according to my story about it), but I still don’t need it.

There may be sensations and then a label on it – hurt, anger, sadness, exhilaration, but those are only stories too. There is a sensation, and that is all. It is impossible for me to know what it is about. And staying with a sensation without the story, it changes to the point where it is impossible to place any label on it even if I wanted to.

It is so simple. So clear. So much ease.

Stories Before Emotions

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Through the inquiry lens (and other similar ones), it is clear that beliefs come before emotions. Doing the Byron Katie inquiries, I see that over and over.

I have a belief. A situation comes up which does not match that belief. And there is an emotion coming up inviting me to look at that discrepancy. What is the belief that is out of alignment with what is? I see it, examine it, and it falls away.

Emotions in the context of Big Mind

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As we find ourselves as pure awareness and then Big Mind, our experience of and relationship with emotions also changes.

Identity and emotions

When I am exclusively identified with my human self – or a part of my human self – I have little choice but to be repeatedly caught up in emotions and other experiences. I try to hold onto some, push away others, and am neutral towards another group. I am an object in the world, struggling with other objects including emotions and experiences, and this struggle is often experienced as suffering.

When I awaken as pure awareness, as the Witness, I allow them all to come and go within space – as any experience and the whole world of form. They all come and go on their own, as guests. I am free to engage with them in various ways (for instance using their energies for action in the world) or not.

And when what is awakens to itself with no “I” anywhere, the whole world of form is revealed as emptiness dancing. As some of the many masks and forms of Spirit. The content is the same as previously – the same forms and experiences – but they are revealed as emptiness, as Spirit.

Emotions, qualities and energy

Another aspect of emotions is how their qualities are revealed and their energy applied.

Exclusively identified with my human self, emotions are seen as good or bad, positive or negative. I want some and try to hold onto them, and don’t want others and try to push them away. In either case, their energy – and the energy “I” put in to manipulate them – often comes out in behavior, and a somewhat “blind” behavior at that. I tend to be somewhat at the mercy of inner and outer circumstances, acting and reacting out of habitual patterns.

Finding myself as pure awareness, I am more free to engage with content – including emotions or not. I can use their energies for action, within the context of space & awareness. There is less reactivity here, or more accurately – there is less blind engagement with reactivity. That too comes and goes as guests, within this stainless space & awareness.

And when what is awakens to its own nature, with no inherent “I” in any segment, then it all becomes emptiness dancing and there is even more freedom in whether to and how to engage with content and emotions.

In the last two cases, emotions can just unfold in space – as they are, or we can actively engage in them and here the qualities of the emotions tends to change.

Anger becomes directed forceful engagement. Dullness becomes resting as what is, with clarity. Jealousy and envy becomes rejoicing in other’s happiness. Attraction becomes a realization of that too as me, at human (in terms of characteristics) and Big Mind levels. And so on.

Positive and Negative

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The words positive and negative are used frequently in our culture, with positive referring to a desirable and negative to an undesirable situation. They are of course not an accurate description of any situation, and may be used mostly from convention and habit.

Arbitrary

First, they arise from a comparison between a situation and a particular standard, and this standard is by necessity arbitrary. Our perceptions of the world is far too limited to even come close to any absolute truth. And we will also never reach a complete agreement about which standard to use. We filter the world in too many different ways.

And even if we could be confident in and agree on a particular standard…

Aspects

Any situation is complex enough to have desirable and undesirable aspects, depending on how we look at it. One aspect of it may seem desirable, another undesirable.

Changing into its opposite

The situation will always change. What first appeared as desirable may now turn and appear as undesirable, and it can turn again into something desirable. This is described well in the Chinese story of the farmer and his horse.

Turned

And finally, any situation can be turned depending on how we relate to it.

A seemingly undesirable external situation can be turned into a desirable one, if we relate to it in a particular way (e.g. with gratitude and as a teaching). Gandhi was thrown off a train in South Africa, and this was the trigger that set him on the course of speaking up for the underdogs in South Africa and later India.

And a seemingly desirable situation can be turned into an undesirable one if we relate to it in a different way (e.g. with strong attachment). A person may win a large sum of money in a lottery, which – through lack of experience with dealing with this amount of money – may lead to a great deal of misfortune.

Dissolving

So – as with most abstractions – when we look into the terms positive and negative, their apparent substance dissolves.

Emotions

A particular interesting way the term positive and negative are used is in describing particular emotions. Some are “positive” and other are “negative”, as if some are more valuable or useful than others.

From an evolutionary view, it is a relatively safe bet to assume that all of them have an important survival function – they would not be here now if they didn’t. From a voice dialogue view, we see how each voice on a personal level – including each emotion – is essential for the survival of humanity as a whole as well as for us as individuals. Even now, in our current inner/outer situations, they all convey important and essential information to us. And from a wider view, they are all expressions of Existence – in its inherent perfection.

The Western (European) culture is relatively strongly dualistic. There is a strong separation between body and mind, humans and nature, creation and creator, good and evil. And there is a value judgment attached to each end of these polarities – one end is “good” the other “bad” or “evil”. In this situation, it is natural that this view extends to and includes emotions, so that some are labeled as “positive” and other labeled as “negative”. Independent of whether it contradicts sense and inquiry or not.