Tag: healing process

Befriending our younger selves

moe Leave a comment

My partner and I are both in a process of befriending our younger selves, at a time when that younger self needed support.

For her, it’s relatively early childhood, and for me, it’s early and mid-teens.

I spend time with that version of me that’s struggling and has low self-esteem, social anxiety, feels isolated, not seen and understood, wants to hide, and so on.

I am with him. I sometimes have a dialog with him and listen to him and his fears and dreams. I see him and understand him. I am a mentor to him and share what I have learned from living longer and seeing what’s possible. I invite him to explore how it is to feel loved, connected, and follow his passion.

A few times, I have used tonglen with him. I visualize him in front of me, I breathe in his suffering and confusion as black smoke, and breathe out light that fills him and he becomes that light.

And mostly, I am just with him.

When I check in, I notice how he is changing. There was a noticeable shift relatively early on, and now a slower shift. He needs time to readjust and realign, and that’s more than OK.

Why do I do this? When I look back through my timeline, this was the period with the most confusion and suffering, and who I was then is still with me. He is still a part of me. So it makes sense for me to befriend him and help him heal and find a healthier more enjoyable version of himself.

How do I do it? I have already mentioned a few things. I visualize and connect with him. I spend time with him. I ask him questions and listen to him. I dialog with him. I share with him what I have discovered since. I recognize him as having my nature. (To me, he is consciousness, a form within the consciousness I am.) I allow him to be exactly as he is, and find love for him as he is. I do some tonglen with him, after first asking if it’s OK. I shift into Big Heart and find him as love and bathe him in love and allow him to soak in it and realign within it.

I have done this for a couple of weeks now and will continue since he still appreciates some active support.

Note: This is a general outline and there are a lot more wrinkles in the actual exploration. For instance, I noticed a part of me that doesn’t like this particular younger version of me. (Which is understandable since it was a difficult period of my life.) So I am including that part of me in this exploration. I listen to it. Find understanding. Am with it. And so on.

tagged: currently, healing, healing process, parts work, subpersonalities   

Weeding the garden: Supporting the natural self-healing processes of the mind

moe Leave a comment

To Turcich, the walk was a seven-year meditation, particularly the first two years, which were more solitary. As he walked, so much was going through his mind – his history, his values, his hopes. It all came to a head in the deserts of Peru and Chile. “I was on my own so much, just with my thoughts. The way I describe it is like weeding your garden. You don’t realise it, but your head is full of these weeds and when you’re walking, you’re on your knees pulling weeds. After about a year and a half, when I was down in south Peru, I felt like I’d thought all the thoughts, and the garden was clean. There was no more angst, no regrets, nothing I could pick through. I was in the Atacama desert, lying under a million stars, and it felt I was at the bottom of myself. All the doubts went.”

– The Guardian, The man who walked around the world: Tom Turcich on his seven-year search for the meaning of life

I haven’t walked around the world but love walking and I have noticed what he describes.

ALLOWING THE MIND TO SETTLE

If you put yourself in a situation where you don’t have too many (modern) distractions, the mind tends to settle on its own. This can be through walking, spending time in nature, doing art, playing music, meditation or mindful movement practice, or something else.

The shift can happen relatively quickly and may not last that long. Or it can gradually happen over time and be more lasting, for instance, through regular meditation practice, doing a meditation or mindful movement retreat, or walking for weeks or months.

SELF-HEALING PROCESS OF THE MIND

Just like our body, our mind is self-healing. Its dynamics are self-healing.

A part of that dynamic is to bring anything unresolved to the surface. What’s unfelt comes up to be felt, what’s unexamined to be examined, what’s unloved to be loved.

So although our mind, when less distracted, engages in a self-healing process, it’s not always pleasant.

Sometimes, when we start a period that’s more undistracted, it can be very uncomfortable. A lot of smaller issues and mental noise come to the surface and it takes time for the mind to naturally settle.

And sometimes, we can have long quiet periods, and then old issues activate and come to the surface.

(In my case, I found meditation very enjoyable in my teens and twenties and did it daily for hours at a time. More recently, at the onset of the dark night, a lot of deep trauma came to the surface which made it far more challenging for me to be with all of it.)

WHAT HAPPENS?

I am not exactly sure what’s happening, but here is my best guess:

Our mind has a natural self-healing tendency. When we are less distracted and mentally busy, this self-healing process is allowed to take place.

And that self-healing process takes a few forms.

As mentioned above, it involves feeling what’s unfelt (emotions, states), seeing what’s unseen (about ourselves, our role in situations), examining what’s unexamined (stressful stories), and finding love for what’s unloved (all of the above and more).

It involves shifting our relationship to stressful stories. We may identify stressful stories we were not aware of previously, which in itself is helpful. (If we are not aware of them, they run us. If we are aware of them, we can recognize them and relate to them more intentionally.)

We may come to recognize the stories for what they are. They are stories, questions about the world. They leave a lot out, and they are often not accurate. Holding onto them is stressful. And what’s genuinely more true for us is often more peaceful.

We may also learn to meet our experiences with more kindness. We may notice that a lot of our discomfort comes from struggling with our experience. And we may try out meeting it with more kindness and find it’s more comfortable and also helps us in our daily life. It’s more pleasant, kind, and wise.

We may also learn to meet our habitual patterns with more kindness. We recognize our mind and behavioral patterns. We may see that some were formed in response to difficult situations in our childhood. We may disidentify a little with these patterns, and find some compassion for ourselves. (And others, since they have their own.) And we may find a way to relate to these more consciously, even as they come up.

Something else may also happen through being with ourselves in a relatively undistracted manner and over time. And that is that we shift our relationship with our human self. We may notice that all content of experience comes and goes, including what we took ourselves to be. (This human self, these feelings, these thoughts, this name, these stories). If it all comes and goes, it can’t be what I most fundamentally am. So what am I, more fundamentally? What am I in my own first-person experience? Here, we may find ourselves as what any content of experience happens within and as. We find ourselves as the field that the world, to us, happens within and as.

All of this can happen naturally if we are undistracted over time. It seems part of the natural self-healing processes of the mind (and body). And it all either brings healing or supports healing.

SUPPORTING THE PROCESS

We can support this natural self-healing process in several ways.

The main one is to allow ourselves to be with ourselves in a relatively undistracted way, regularly and over time. This provides the condition for the self-healing process to take place. And we can do it in many ways, as outlined above. (Go for walks, knit, paint, play music, be in nature, play with children or animals, meditate, do mindful movement, go on a retreat, and so on.)

Receiving guidance for meditation is helpful. This can be basic meditation. (Notice and allow what’s here as it is, and notice it’s already allowed and noticed.) Heart-centered practices. (Tonglen, ho’oponopono, Heart Prayer, Christ meditation, etc.)

Training more stable attention helps this process, and just about anything else, enormously. (For instance, bring attention to the sensation of the breath at the nostrils. Rest in noticing those sensations. And gently bring attention back if it wanders.)

We can also be guided in more structured inquiry, and learn this for ourselves. We can learn to identify and examine stressful thoughts. (The Work of Byron Katie.) We can explore how the sense fields combine to create our experience. (Kiloby Inquiries, traditional Buddhist inquiry.) We can also find what we more fundamentally are, and get more familiar with noticing and living from (and as) it. (Headless experiments, Big Mind process.)

AN EVOLUTIONARY PERSPECTIVE

As usual, I find an evolutionary perspective helpful.

We evolved in nature and as part of nature, in relatively small groups, and to be active with our hands and body. We gathered food. Carried water. Chopped wood. Grew food. Sew and knitted clothes.

It’s only the recent generations that we have lived in a modern world with cities, apartments, a faster pace, and modern gadgets.

Our biology and mind evolved in nature, and many of us are living in a world that’s quite different.

I imagine that the natural self-healing process of our mind was allowed to unfold more freely for our ancestors. Even if they were active, they were typically less distracted and more focused on what was in front of them, so their mind had space to process and self-heal. (At least, to some extent.) In our modern life, we are typically so hurried and distracted (with the internet, news, podcasts, music, etc.) that our mind doesn’t have the same chance.

To give our mind that space, we need to recreate or mimic the life of our ancestors. It doesn’t necessarily mean living in nature and growing our own food. But it does mean engaging in more meditative activities, and perhaps arranging our life so these happen naturally as part of our daily life.

CAVEATS

Outlined like this, it all sounds relatively simple and straightforward.

But simple does not mean easy. It can still be challenging. (It is for me, with all the trauma that came up.) And that’s why it’s helpful to find support. It helps to find a group of people doing the same.

This process tends to bring up what’s buried. If we start on this process, for instance with meditation or mindful movement, and we know we have trauma, it’s good to have guidance from someone skilled in working with trauma, and ideally to have that support and guidance from the beginning before anything comes up.

And traumas and issues may come up that require more attention than just giving our mind space to heal. We may need more focused therapy, in whatever form is available to us and makes the most sense to us. (Talk therapy, somatic therapy, energy work, inquiry, and so on.)

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tagged: basic meditation, evolutionary psychology, healing, healing impulse, healing process, inquiry   

Visualize the other as healed, whole, wise, and kind, and have a dialog

moe Leave a comment

Dialog is an important part of many approaches to healing.

And this includes a dialog with parts of ourselves, or with people from our past, in the world, creatures from mythology, dream characters, animals, plants, landscapes, or anything else. These all represent current parts of ourselves.

THE PROCESS

I have a version I find very helpful:

Identify someone from your past (or present) you have a difficult or unresolved relationship with.

Visualize that person as healed, whole, wise, and kind. Visualize a mature version of that person.

Dialog with that person. Tell her or him how you feel about your relationship or what happened in the past. Listen for their answer. Continue with the dialog as it naturally unfolds.

Ask them about their experience and listen to their answer. Ask them how they experienced you. Ask them how they would like your relationship to be. And so on.

Keep it real and authentic, and remember that the other is stably healed, whole, wise, and kind.

You can also spend time in silence with that person, or hug and rest in that for a while.

Continue until you experience a deeper resolution and perhaps even peace.

AN EXAMPLE FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE

I did this with some bullies from school and was surprised by some of what they said, how authentic it all felt, and the sense of resolution that came out of it. (They told me about their own pain from family problems, that they saw me as rejecting them, and so on.)

It obviously didn’t heal everything around the situation. In response to the original situation, my mind created deeper coping patterns (wanting to hide, etc.) that require more exploration. But it did shift how I consciously relate to the original situation and people.

When I look back at it now, it feels and seems quite different. I have far more peace with it.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

I imagine some may say: But it’s not true. The other person is not like that. It’s fake. If I do this, I would just deceive myself.

Yes, it may not be true in a conventional sense and in the world. The other person may not be like that. And that’s fine. This is about your own inner process.

The other person represents a side of you. And that side of you has the potential to be whole, healed, kind, and wise. You are tapping into that potential. You are helping that side of you find how it is when it’s more whole, healed, kind, and wise, and you get a sense of how it is.

Also, this is about gaining insight into the situation. How would a whole, healed, kind, and wise person see the situation? What would she or he say? What would that person say, if she or he was healed, kind, and mature?

Finally, we all have the potential to be that way. All the different sides of us have that potential. And each of us as an individual has that potential. It’s in us all. This exploration reminds us of that.

tagged: dialog, healing, healing process, parts work, subpersonalities   

Finding healing for our relationship with a wound vs finding healing for the wound itself

moe Leave a comment

When we talk about healing psychological wounds, there are two sides to it.

Most people think about healing the wound itself.

And yet, in my experience, healing my relationship with the wound is equally if not more important.

HEALING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOUND

If I struggle with a wound – if I see it as a problem, just want it to go away, go into reactivity to it, identify with it and perceive and live as if I am it, and so on – then my relationship with it is not yet healed.

So how do I find healing for my relationship with a wound?

Exploring the wound itself tends to help me shift my relationship with it. I may identify the painful story (stories) behind it, examine these, and find what’s more true for me. I can dialog with the wound (from the perspective as the wound) and see what it has to say, how it experiences my relationship with it, and how it would like me to relate to it. I can find how it’s trying to protect me and see it comes from care and love. And so on.

I can also use heart-centered practices to shift my relationship with it. My favorites tend to be ho’oponopono and tonglen. I can use tonglen with the wound or myself having the wound, and also with my reactivity to the wound and myself having that reactivity.

I can examine my stressful thoughts about the wound. What stressful stories do I have about it? What do I fear may happen? What’s the worst that can happen? What do I find when I examine these stories? What’s more true and real for me?

Similarly, I can examine my self-talk around the issue. What do I tell myself about it? What’s a more kind and constructive (and real) way to talk with myself about it? How is it to explore that? How is it to make it into a new habit?

I can find the need behind the wound. What does that part of me need? How is it to give it to the wound and myself here and now? (Mostly, the need is something essential and universal like safety, support, understanding, and love.)

I can be open about it with myself and others. Yes, I have this wound. This is how it has affected me and my life in the past, and this is how I have related to it in the past. Now, I am finding a different relationship with it and I am exploring how that is. (And I may, and probably will, still go into the old patterns now and then. I wish to be patient and kind with myself and this process.)

I can notice that the wound – and my reactivity to it – is happening within my sense fields. I can find it in my sensations, as physical sensations in the body, and in my mental field as labels, interpretations, and stories about it. This helps deconstruct it and see how my mind creates its experience of it all. I also get to see that it’s all happening within my sense fields and I cannot find it any other place.

That helps me notice that I am capacity for it all, I am capacity for all of these experiences as I am capacity for any and all experience. And it’s all happening within and as what I am. Its nature is the same as my nature.

I can then shift into the perspective of my wound (become the wound for a while) and notice my nature as the wound. And I can shift into my (painful) relationship with the wound and notice my nature as that relationship. This helps the wound and my painful relationship with it to wake up to its nature and realign with oneness. And that tends to take some of the charge out of it.

THE EFFECTS OF SHIFTING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOUND

When I am caught up in a struggle with a wound, it’s stressful, uncomfortable, and painful. The sanity and kindness that’s here in me, and all of us, become less available.

And when I shift my relationship with it, it may still be here but it’s also different. It’s easier to recognize it as a part of me, as an object within consciousness. I can relate to it with a little more intention and awareness. I am less caught up in it.

And, after a while, it may be like an old friend coming to visit. Hello, you are here again. Thanks for visiting. You are welcome to stay. We are here together. You and I have the same nature.

When my relationship with the wound shifts, the wound doesn’t have to shift. It can come and go and it’s OK.

Read on for an AI take on this topic.

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tagged: change relationship with, emotional issues, essential topic, healing, healing process, wounds   

Reduced capacity to set emotional issues aside in an awakening process and from exhaustion

moe Leave a comment

When we have a reduced capacity to set aside emotional issues, they tend to naturally surface.

And that can happen in several different situations.

FATIGUE AND DYSREGULATION

I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME), and this is far from regular tiredness. It’s a profound fatigue and dysregulation of the whole system.

When my system is extra fatigued, it’s no longer able to regulate very well. It has trouble regulating temperature (too hot, too cold), thoughts (difficult to think clearly and make decisions), emotions (more sensitive, reactive), and much more.

This includes difficulty regulating emotional issues. When my system has more resources, it can more easily set old emotional issues aside. (Although they will always color perception and actions.) And when it’s more fatigued, these old issues surface more easily.

That’s one reason I prefer to just go to bed when this happens and set aside any tasks or conversations for when my system functions a little better. (And often, I don’t have much choice. My system desperately needs that rest and anything else is automatically set aside.)

OUR NATURE RECOGNIZING ITSELF

When our nature recognizes itself, something similar can happen.

For a while, it takes itself to most fundamentally be this human self, a separate being in the world. Or, at least, it pretends to do this since others do it.

And then, the oneness we are recognizes itself. It shifts out of its temporary self-created trance.

And, as Adyashanity says, this can take the lid off a lot of things, including anything very human and unprocessed in us. What’s unprocessed comes to the surface to be seen, felt, loved, recognized as love, and recognized as having the same nature as we do.

I am not sure of the exact mechanism, but here is my best guess: It takes active regulation for the oneness we are to pretend – to itself and others – that it’s a separate being, something specific within its content of experience. When it recognizes its nature, it is no longer actively regulating, and that (sometimes) means it’s also not actively regulating old emotional issues. It’s no longer setting them aside, so they surface.

This doesn’t always happen. It can happen a while after oneness first recognized itself. (In my case, it happened several years into the process.) And when it happens, the oneness we are can react with confusion, feeling overwhelmed, fear, and much more.

It’s humbling, it can be very messy. And – as Evelyn Underhill said – it’s a very human process. And it’s not necessarily easy. In my case, it’s been the most challenging phase of my life by far.

And it’s also necessary. For the oneness we are to live from consciously recognizing itself, our human self needs to be a good vehicle. And that vehicle needs tune-up and cleaning. Any remaining emotional issues (beliefs, identifications, emotional issues, traumas) operate from separation consciousness, and they inevitably color our perception and life even if they don’t seem activated.

So they surface to be seen, felt, loved, and recognized as part of the oneness we are. They surface to join in with the awakening.

OTHER SITUATIONS WHERE OUR REGULATION FALTERS

There are other situations where our system has trouble setting aside emotional issues.

The most obvious is when strong emotional issues are triggered, and our mind identifies with what comes up. Here, we take on the perspective and identity of the issue and actively perceive and act as if we are that part of us. We may not even try to relate to it in a more intentional or mature way.

I suspect it also happens in some kinds of mental illness, and under influence of some kinds of drugs. (Sometimes this happens when drinking alcohol.)

CHALLENGES & GIFTS

There are challenges and gifts in our system being unable to set aside old emotional issues.

I imagine the challenges are familiar to most of us. It’s uncomfortable. It can feel overwhelming. We may get caught up in the struggle with what’s surfacing. And we may get caught up in what’s surfacing and view the world and act as if we are that hurt and confused part of us.

There are also gifts here. When these issues surface, we get to see them. It’s an invitation to see, feel, and find genuine love for what’s here. It’s an invitation to examine these confusing and hurting parts of us. It’s an invitation to get to know them. It’s an invitation to recognize that and how they operate from (painful) separation consciousness and unexamined and painful beliefs.

It’s an invitation to find healing for our relationship with them and to find healing for the issues themselves.

All of this is can seem obvious if we are familiar with it, but navigating it is often anything but easy. It takes skill, dedication, experience, and time.

It’s not something that’s done and dusted. It’s an ongoing process.

It’s part of being a human being.

It’s part of being oneness taking on the role of this human being in the world and living that life.

And it’s also where awakening and healing become one process. Where the two are revealed as aspects of the same seamless process.

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tagged: awakening process, dark night, emotional issues, essential topic, healing process, post-traumatic growth, projections, shadow, shadow work, trauma, who and what we are   

The wounded healer

moe Leave a comment

What does “wounded healer” mean? 

For me, it mainly refers to someone in the role of a healer who explores healing for their own wounds as much as they do the same for others. Often, these are emotional wounds but they can also be physical, and the two are aspects of the same whole. 

TAKING ON THE ROLE OF A HEALER

It means someone who sometimes takes on the role of a healer.

If we function as a healer, it’s a role we take on in some situations and leave the rest of the time. It’s not something that defines us, although we can pretend it does if we have an unexamined need for just that.

What we really do is support the natural healing process of both our bodies and minds. We know some ways to support these natural healing processes and invite in healing. 

Sometimes, the client is a more passive recipient. And sometimes, they can take a more active role and learn something that can benefit them in other situations and in the long run.

OTHERS AS A MIRROR

It refers to someone who recognizes in herself what she sees in the clients.

We know that others are a mirror for ourselves. I can take any story I have about someone else, turn it to myself, and find specific examples – from here and now and in the past – of where it fits for me. We are in the same boat. 

FAMILIAR WITH THE TERRAIN

It refers to someone who knows, from their own experience, some ways to invite healing.

Through working on ourselves, we gain experience and familiarity with the terrain, and we can use this to help others. We are guides for a particular terrain, just like many others are in other fields and areas of life. 

HEALING HOW WE RELATE TO WOUNDS AND LIFE

This healing can be healing for how we relate to our wounds and life.

The main healing is often in how we relate to our wounds and anything associated with them, for instance, the experiences created by the wounds, triggers in the world, identities, and the painful stories creating the wounds.

Healing here tends to generalize to other situations and can possibly benefit us for the rest of our life.

HEALING OF THE WOUNDS

And it can be healing for the wounds themselves.

Sometimes, we can invite in healing for the wound itself and learn something here too that we can bring with us. 

And when we look more closely, we may find that any wound is really a wound in how we relate to ourselves and life.

WOUNDED HEALERS AND OTHER APPROACHES

Any healer who works on themselves as much or more than they work with clients is, as I see it, a wounded healer.

We all have a range of different types of wounds. Working on our own is the best laboratory for becoming familiar with the terrain – and, in turn, supporting clients. And that makes us, in a sense, a wounded healer.

The alternative is to use a more distanced knowledge to help others. That too can be helpful, and some healing professions – and especially the more regulated ones – are designed this way.

THE MODALITIES I MOSTLY USE

Most of the healing modalities I use are typical “wounded healer” modalities.

The training involves, to a large degree, working on oneself.

And many who use these modalities use them as much for themselves as they do for others. Personally, I use them more for myself than for others.

These include inquiry (The Work of Byron Katie, Living Inquiries). Parts work (Voice Dialog, Big Mind process). Inquiry into our nature (Big Mind process, Headless experiments). Psychological approaches (Process Work, Jung, cognitive therapy.). Heart-centered approaches (tonglen, ho’oponopono). Bodywork (TRE, Breema). Energy work (Vortex Healing). And more. 

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tagged: healing, healing process, wounded healer   

The best chess players don’t have a style

moe Leave a comment

I have been watching the current chess world championship between Magnus Carlsen and Jan Nepo on Norwegian TV. Why? It’s entertaining, and there are many aspects of chess, and just about anything else, that apply to life in general.

One of the guests yesterday said something that resonated with me:

The best chess players don’t have a style. If they did, it would be too much of a weakness. It would mean a smaller repertoire. It would mean not being able to use the most powerful strategies in any given situation. And it would mean a predictable approach their opponents can prepare for and use against them.

That’s how it is in life as well. Having a certain way to approach all situations limits our repertoire. It often leaves out approaches that may be more appropriate to the situation we are in. And it leaves us more vulnerable in life in general.

The more healthy and mature we are, the more fluid we tend to be, the wider repertoire we tend to have access to, and the less we limit ourselves with ideologies and beliefs – whether these are conscious or held deeper in our system.

This applies to style and strategies, and not our more general orientations.

In chess, certain orientations are obviously helpful, for instance, passion for the game, curiosity, diligence, willingness to examine lost games and learn from them, and so on.

Other areas of life have their own orientations that support what we aim to do. If we aim for healing, awakening, and generally living a more content life, I suspect these typically include receptivity, gratitude, playfulness, curiosity, passion, authenticity, courage to follow our inner guidance, willingness to shed light on previously unexamined areas of our life, and so on.

tagged: flexibility, fluidity, healing process, maturing, maturity   

Matt Licata: In order to discover the nature of healing for ourselves, we must open and listen to previously unacknowledged parts of the psyche

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In order to discover the nature of healing for ourselves, we must open and listen to previously unacknowledged parts of the psyche, otherwise we will only be in touch with what we already know.

– Matt Licata

tagged: healing, healing process, matt licata, quote   

Solaris & finding resolution

moe Leave a comment

I watched the Icelandic series Katla, and notice it has a similar theme to Solaris. Material from a meteorite seems to have the capability to sense who people are longing for, and make them come into life as flesh-and-blood beings.

Tarkovsky’s Solaris was one of my favorite movies in my late teens and early twenties. In this case, an ocean planet is able to sense what’s unresolved in the scientists on a space station, and manifests people they have something unresolved with.

The movie beautifully and clearly shows two general ways we can relate to what’s unresolved in us. In Solaris, most struggle with it and go deeper into trauma. And the main character takes the opportunity to interact with the person manifested from his life, and find resolution.

And that’s how it is for all of us. Life brings up whatever is unresolved in us, and we can either struggle with it and maintain or reinforce the issue or trauma, or we can take the opportunity to get to know it, befriend it, and find resolution. To find resolution, we often need to go through some struggle, we need to heal our relationship with what’s coming up, and that allows the issue itself to find healing.

I should mention that Solaris is based on the book by Stanislaw Lem by the same name. And Katla is more of a regular fantasy story which does reflect dynamics in ourselves, but it lacks the beautiful clarity of Solaris.

tagged: emotional issues, healing process, movies   

Enlightenment is a destructive process

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Make no mistake about it—enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the façade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.

– Adyashanti

NOTICING WHAT WE ARE

Noticing what we are doesn’t necessarily require that much of us. We can be guided to it, and notice it within a few minutes without much preparation. It can be so quick and unremarkable that some will dismiss at as not the real thing, or they don’t quite get the significance of it.

LIVING FROM THIS NOTICING – AS BEST WE CAN

In a sense, living from it here and now doesn’t require so much. It just requires noticing what we are, and living from this oneness as best as we can in the moment. It requires some intention and sincerity, and that’s about it.

We’ll do it imperfectly, for a few different reasons. It may be relatively unfamiliar to us, especially at first. Our human self will still be partially caught up in old habits formed from separation consciousness. And we’ll have parts of us still operating from separation consciousness, and this will color our perception and life, and when triggered, we may get caught up in the separation views of these parts of us.

LIVING FROM NOTICING WHAT WE ARE – THE TRANSFORMATION

And that brings us to what I suspect Adya talks about.

Living from noticing what we are requires a profound transformation of our human self, and that costs us everything. The many parts of us operating from separation consciousness come to the surface, one way or another and at one time or another, to join in with the awakening.

This requires us to experience how they experience the world, which is not always pretty or comfortable.

It requires us to heal how we relate to these parts of us, from seeing them as an enemy to befriending them.

It requires us to help these parts of us heal and join in with the awakening.

Although this can sound relatively simple and straightforward, for many of us, it’s anything but that. It’s a process that will bring us to our knees. It’s a destructive process, as Adya says. And as Evelyn Underhill wrote about the dark night of the soul, it’s a deeply human process.

MORE ABOUT THE TRANSFORMATION

There is a lot more to say about this transformation process.

It’s often called embodiment. We bring the awakening into our life, and that requires this transformation of our human self.

We are along for the ride. At some point, it becomes clear that we are not in control of this process. We just relate to it and deal with as best we can.

It can involve one or more dark nights, and different types of dark nights.

It’s an ongoing process. There is no place to arrive, although we can get through the most intense phases and have periods of more calm.

It doesn’t always look pretty. It can involve a great deal of struggle, confusion, overwhelm, despair, and so on.

We will likely see things about ourselves we rather would not see. It will demolish our pretty picture of ourselves.

It requires us to lose every cherished belief, ideal, and image of ourselves. It requires us to lose any idea of gaining anything from this process.

We experience it as a deeply human process because it is. It’s a transformation of our human self and life.

It requires us to meet any trauma, emotional issue, identification, wound, and so on in our human system, and there may be a lot more than than we thought or expected.

It requires us to notice any experience as the flavor of the divine, and as having the same true nature as ourselves.

It may require us to shed whatever in our life is not aligned with truth, whatever is not authentic and real and aligned with our heart. This may fall away on its own whether we want it to or not. And sometimes, we’ll have to make the hard choices. (In my experience, if I don’t life will do it for me and often in ways that don’t look pretty.)

In many cases, early phases of the awakening process involves a temporary transcendence of the human. We pull out of the human a bit so we can get more familiar with what we are. This is the opposite, it’s a process of descending and going deeply into the human messiness so it can join in with the awakening.

It is something many spiritual teachers don’t talk about in public. Perhaps because it happens after we notice what we are, and they like to do this one-on-one with these students. And perhaps because it can scare people from even starting on a spiritual path. (As if we have a choice.)

Many of the basic spiritual practices serve us well in this process. Heart-centered practices help us meet ourselves and these parts of us with more kindness, compassion, and love. Inquiry helps us investigate stressful thoughts coming up, and also identifications and anything with a charge in our system. Body-centered practices help us stay more grounded and kind with ourselves. Service can broaden our view beyond our own limited life and struggles. Ethical guidelines may help us avoid acting on some of the pain in destructive ways.

Ordinary forms of therapy and emotional healing can be very helpful in this process, especially if we find someone who understands what’s going on and have gone through it themselves.

For me, this has been a far more destructive process than I could have imagined.

tagged: adyashanti, autobiography, awakening process, dark night, embodiment, essential topic, healing process, parts work, quote, subpersonalities, transformation, who and what we are   

Two forms of completely ordinary insanity

moe Leave a comment

Some forms of insanity are completely normal.

TWO FORMS OF ORDINARY INSANITY

Two of these especially stand out to me.

One is separation consciousness. Most people function from separation consciousness, even if this is out of alignment with reality and comes from a fundamental misunderstanding about our identity. It’s normal and even considered healthy because it’s so common. And a clear understanding of this is typically ignored, and sometimes viewed with suspicion and as a fantasy or something unhealthy, since it’s less common and less understood.

The other is the bubbles of more obvious insanity most of us live with. These are bubbles in our psyche and system made up of stressful beliefs, hangups, emotional issues, and trauma. When these are triggered, and we go into them and perceive and live from them, we temporarily become insane. It’s often clear to others that we are, unless they too are caught up in something similar. And it’s often obvious to ourselves that we were, after the storm has passed.

THE CURE

The first type of insanity is cured by noticing what we are. Especially when we come into the habit of noticing this and keep exploring how to live from it.

The second type of insanity is cured by whatever way we find helpful to heal emotional wounds and hangups. This may be inquiry or cognitive psychology, dialog with a wise person or with these parts of us, somatic or energy work, and so on.

The two are also connected. The second makes it easier for us to notice and live from noticing what we are in more situations. It helps with embodiment. And the first can help these bubbles to align with reality and oneness when they surface, especially if we have that intention. In a very real sense, these bubbles then join in with the awakening, and that allows for deeper healing.

tagged: awakening, awakening process, bubbles, essential topic, healing process, insanity, who and what we are   

Nostalgia & the healing impulse within our fascinations

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Nostalgia, once thought of as a brain disease, is actually a healing neurological mechanism elicited in times of distress.

– description of The benefits of being nostalgic, a BBC mini-documentary

My assumption is that when our mind is fascinated by something that may seem meaningless, frivolous, or frustrating, there is a healing impulse within it.

The healing impulse within nostalgia

Nostalgia can help us digest and come to terms with the past, learn about ourselves (what we enjoy), and make changes in our life now – either to bring in more of what we enjoy or let go of something that doesn’t serve us.

It all depends on how we relate to it. Do we get bogged down by the nostalgia? Stuck in longing for what was and no longer is? Unhappy about our current life? Caught up in remorse? If so, and if we don’t allow the process to continue and find healing, it’s not so helpful. (I assume that’s why John Hodgman likes to call nostalgia a “toxic impulse”.)

We can also support the healing impulse within nostalgia. We can use it to come to terms with the past. Identify what we enjoy and what makes us come alive, and find ways to bring it into our life now. We can identify what’s in our current life that’s not aligned with what’s important to us and find ways to reduce or eliminate it.

I am sometimes nostalgic about my time at Kanzeon Zen Center in Salt Lake City. What about that time did I enjoy? It was the climate, nature, daily meditation, and an international community of people with similar interests and orientations as me. How can I bring more of that into my life? I am out in nature when I can. I do spiritual practices, although not communally. I have an international community of like-minded friends, although it’s mostly virtual. And the climate where I am is not so good for me. I am planning to move to a warmer, sunnier, and drier climate, which I know is what helps my health the most. In this place, it’s possible I’ll be able to bring in more of nature, communal practice, and an international community.

What’s the healing impulse in other – sometimes unwanted – fascinations?

What else is our mind fascinated by that may, on the surface, not seem so helpful?

We can be worried about the future. Annoyed by something in the present. Reliving past traumatic experiences. Obsessed by something we would rather not be so focused on. And so on.

In these cases, the mind is drawn to a place where it’s stuck. It’s caught up in stressful beliefs and unhealed emotional issues.

As with nostalgia, if the process stops there, it’s not necessarily so helpful. Then we just get the unpleasantness of it without the resolution and healing.

So how can we support the healing process?

In general, by asking: What needs healing? And how can we support that healing?

And if it’s me…. Identify the stressful beliefs and assumptions behind it and question these. Identify any emotional issue behind it and invite in healing for it. Shift in how I relate to the trigger and what’s triggered in us, for instance through dialog (parts work, subpersonalities) or heart-centered practices.

If I am annoyed by noise from my neighbor, it points to something unhealed and examined in me. I can find thoughts like: He should be more considerate. He shouldn’t use noisy machines. He should have a wild garden instead of a sterile manicured one. I cannot find peace. I can then examine each of these, for instance using The Work of Byron Katie. I can also identify triggered identities – perhaps “sensitive” and “considerate” – and examine these, for instance using Living Inquiries.

If my mind goes to worries about the future or stressful events in the past, I can identify beliefs and identities and inquire into them. I can identify emotional issues and invite in healing for them in whatever way works for me. I can find the parts of me that are triggered and dialog with these. I can use heart-centered practices to shift my relationship with the trigger (now, in the past, or in the imagined future) and what’s triggered in me.

Why is the mind drawn by what needs resolution or healing?

I suspect this is a built-in mechanism that came through evolution. The ones whose mind was drawn to what needed resolution were more likely to find this resolution, and they functioned better as human beings and were more likely to successfully bring up children, grandchildren, and children in the larger family – all of whom may have shared this trait. They were also more likely to contribute to the success of the tribe or community which included people who shared this trait.

At a micro-level, the mind is drawn to what needs resolution through creating a charge. The mind associates certain thoughts (connected with what’s unresolved) with certain sensations, and the thoughts give meaning to the sensations and the sensations give a sense of charge, substance, and reality to the thoughts.

The gifts in frustrating fascinations

So there is a gift in apparently meaningless, frivolous, or frustrating fascinations.

On the surface, they can seem useless or uncomfortable, and if the mind gets stuck in them, it can be unhealthy or unhelpful.

And yet, if we join in with the impulse and examine it, we may find something of great value.

We may find healing, clarity, insights, and an opportunity to mature.

tagged: healing impulse, healing process, inquiry, nostalgia   

Brief notes on healing and awakening and occasional personal things XXV

moe Leave a comment

This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be made into a regular article in time.

SPIRITUAL ONE-UPMANSHIP

When we operate from separation consciousness, it tends to create fear and a sense of lack. Somewhere in us, we feel we are not good enough. And one way we sometimes deal with this is trying to prove to ourselves and others that we are as good as others or better.

We’ll do this in any area of life that’s important for us. If spirituality is important to us, we may do it there, and that can lead to displays of spiritual one-upmanship.

We drop hints about where we are in the process and what special experiences we have had. We take secret delight in correcting others. We may secretly judge others for not being as far along as we think we are. And so on.

The essence of this is fear and specifically unloved fear and unloved fearful stories. Just like the trolls, it lives in the dark and bursts in the light. So the remedy is to bring it to light, find love for the fearful part of us, and examine the fearful stories behind it.

How can we do that? A good first step is to be aware of what’s happening and be honest with ourselves about it. If it feels right, we can also confess to someone else, if we trust they’ll understand and be good support for us. Then, connect with the sense of not being good enough and the fear behind it. Make friends with it. Get to know it. See it is there to protect us and comes from love. Thank it for protecting and for its love. We can then take it to (further) inquiry, dialog, or any other approach to help shift how we relate to this part of us and to invite it to heal.

If we approach it in this way, the initial spiritual one-upmanship can be a great source for healing, maturing, and finding more clarity.

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tagged: awakening, awakening process, brief notes, healing, healing process   

Fear of going into core issues

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Many of us circle around some of the core issues in our life. We are happy to look at the more peripheral ones, and they can be important and can lead into or be intertwined with some of the more core ones. And yet, it’s difficult for many of us to go deeply into the more central issues – the ones that often are from early childhood, have to do with our parents, and impact our life in ways we know and may not be aware of yet.

Why is that? What’s the fear about?

The wisdom of the fear

This fear is natural and understandable. It’s very common, and there is nothing inherently wrong with it.

Whatever the fear is about, it’s there to protect us. It comes from a desire to keep us safe, and it comes from love.

And there is some wisdom in the fear. It protects us from going headfirst into deep issues or traumas that we may not know how to deal with. Through hesitation, it invites us to first gain some experience and willingness, and approach it with appropriate caution and consideration.

Exploring the fear and the stories behind

If or when there is a fear of going into an issue, it’s often wise to explore this fear first.

What is it about? What do I fear would happen if I go into the issue? What’s the worst that can happen?

Do I fear I won’t know how to deal with it? That I’ll get stuck in it? Overwhelmed? That it would be too much for me?

Do I fear that the central issue the fear is protecting is impossible to deal with or resolve? That I cannot heal from it? That it’s hopeless?

Do I fear I will lose something familiar to me, and I won’t know how to live free from it?

Do I fear I will have to make changes in my life (work, relationships etc.) if the issue is not here anymore, and that these changes may be difficult or scary?

What apparent benefits does the issue give me? Do I fear losing these?

Is the issue fuzzy to me and I don’t know where to start? Or that it’s no point in starting if I am not very clear on what it is?

Exploring the fear – dialog and befriending

As I often write about, we can also explore the fear in dialog and also through befriending it.

We can even use heart-centered practices with the fearful parts of us, like tonglen or ho’oponopno. This helps us shift our relationship with the fearful sides of us.

Support in exploring the issue

There is wisdom in this type of fear. The main one is, as mentioned above, that we won’t know how to deal with what comes up when we go into the issue.

That’s why it’s helpful for any of us to have the assistance of someone skilled, kind, and we trust. They can guide us and support us through the process, and help us move through it and out on the other side.

How we approach it

As I mentioned, addressing – and honoring – the fear of going into the issue is an important preliminary step.

We can also use approaches to work on the issue that tend to be gentle and effective. For me, these include heart-centered practices, dialog with subpersonalities, inquiry, body-centered approaches (TRE), and energy healing.

Firmness and willingness

When it comes to exploring these central issues, we often need a gentle firmness with ourselves. A firmness in resolving to see the process through and maintaining our center as best we can while in the process.

Perhaps the most important factor is readiness and willingness. We cannot manufacture these, but we can be aware of their importance and find it in ourselves. A part of us is already ready and willing to work through the issue and come out on the other side. This is an important ally.

In a more general sense, we tend to find this willingness when we realize that the suffering of keeping the issue is greater than the suffering of finding healing for it. Taking a written and detailed inventory of the suffering the issue has created for us, throughout our life, can be very helpful here to bring the message home. We can also do this in dialog with a facilitator since this creates a container that may make it easier.

A natural process

So the fear is natural and there is some wisdom in it. It prevents us from going into something we may not know how to deal with. We can listen to what it has to say, befriend it, and examine the fears behind it. We can find the support of an experienced guide. And over time, and by looking at the effects of the unhealed isse in our life, we can eventually find a genuine willingness to heal the issue all the way through.

tagged: core issues, core wound, essential topic, healing process   

Brief notes on healing and awakening and occasional personal things XIX

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This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be a little rantish. And some may be made into a regular article in time.

BEING NATURE

In our western culture, we often have the idea that there is nature and us, and animals and us. We see ourselves apart from nature.

The obvious reality is that we are nature. Everything we are – as individuals and collectively – is a product of the evolution of this universe and this planet. It’s all, including our cities and civilization, emerging from the universe and this planet. As Carl Sagan said, we are the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe. We are the universe locally bringing itself into consciousness.

Why is this important? Seeing ourselves as separate from nature allows for mindless destruction of nature, and it also alienates us from the parts of us we see as more nature – our body, feelings, instincts, sensuality, sexuality, and so on.

To the extent we see ourselves as nature, feel ourselves as nature, and live as part of nature, we are more likely to care for the Earth, future generations, and embrace and find comfort with the more primal parts of ourselves. It also opens for a deep sense of belonging – to all life, to this Earth, to the Universe, to Existence as a whole.

There is nothing new here. Many have pointed this out for a long time. And there is perhaps some general social movement in this direction, but it’s a good reminder.

Click READ MORE for more of these brief(er) posts.

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tagged: awakening, awakening process, brief notes, healing, healing process, nature   

Adyashanti: “Ready” means you are ready to come as close to the insane asylum as you will ever come

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I remember reading Nisargadatta talking about two types of karma. Someone was asking, is it true that all the karma of a sage is burnt up? Nisargardatta said “There are two kinds of karma. There is the karma that’s dispelled with spiritual insight, and is dispelled by awakening and spiritual maturity. There is the other kind of karma that’s not dispelled and you have to live it out and reap the benefits or detriments thereof.”

That was the end of the conversation. That sounds clean until it comes to your life. Living through pieces of your karma is not as clean as it may sound. Often, people will have it at some point after their shift, especially when it seems that life is pretty easy, when there is not a whole lot of inner disturbance.

About that time, strangely enough, is often when a huge chunk of subterranean conditioning breaks off and raises into your conscious level. It’s almost like, “OK, now you have enough light, now you have enough stability, now you have enough presence, now you can deal with this. We hid this from you because it would have completely put you under water before, but now you are ready for it.” But “ready for it” doesn’t mean it’s purified and transformed and let go.

“Ready” means you are ready to come as close to the insane asylum as you will ever come as this piece of darkness comes through your system. You can now be tormented in a way that you never imagined you could withstand.

– Adyashanti

I am not sure what Nisargaradatta referred to when he spoke about the two types of karma. At first, it sounds like the first is the karma of conditioning, and the second is the – to us – more mysterious karma of events.

Adya seems to understand this in a slightly different way.

I wonder if what he means is that some conditioning and issues are seen through and resolve relatively easily as part of the awakening process. They fall away almost without us noticing.

With other conditioning, it’s not so easily. This is the one we, to some extent, have to live out. This may be deeper emotional issues, trauma, and conditioning that needs to come to the surface to be seen, felt, loved, recognized as the divine, and so on. It be a far more tumultuous, confusing, overwhelming, and painful process.

I see them more as parts of the same spectrum than two different things.

In our healing and awakening journey, things in us needs to come up to be met, seen, felt, loved, and recognized as who and what we are. Sometimes, this is relatively easy and even enjoyable. Other times, it can be extreme and beyond anything we thought we would ever experience.

And as Adya suggests, the more extreme version of this seems to often follow a deepening in the awakening. A more open heart and mind means it’s also more open to all the things in us that has been exiled. It’s open to what it previously was closed to.

When that surfaces, it can feel overwhelming and terrifying and it can seem as if it will never end and there is no light on the other side of the tunnel.

This is one of the dark nights we can go through on a healing and awakening journey. I have come to think of it as a dark night of trauma, a period of processing deep individual, ancestral, cultural, and universal trauma.

It’s a necessary part of the healing and awakening process. It clears out parts of us still operating from separation consciousness so they can operate more from reality and oneness.

And it’s a part of the process I have been intimately familiar with over the last several years. It’s been far more challenging than anything I thought I would ever experience. It’s deeply humbling, in a good – and often painful – way. It’s a deeply human process. Since the parts of us surfacing live within separation consciousness and are, in a sense, insane, it can feel like we are going insane.

And, in the bigger picture, it’s an amazing blessing.

tagged: adyashanti, awakening process, dark night, healing process   

The importance of working on strong and apparently isolated issues

moe Leave a comment

Sometimes, strong issues – the ones with a lot of charge to them – may seem isolated and triggered only by rare and very specific situations.

That means we may put it further down on our to-do list for what to work on, and we may assume it’s not relevant to issues that may seem more persistent, pervasive, and perhaps central to our life.

In my experience, it can be very helpful to address strong issues even if they seem isolated and rarely triggered. When they are released, our system has more fluidity and freedom in general. And they are sometimes connected to – or support – the more persistent and pervasive issues, even if we at first may not see how. Sometimes, working on one of them is what pulls the foundation out from under the pervasive issue.

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tagged: emotional issues, healing process   

Mind going to the past

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If you keep going over the past, you’re going to end up with a thousand pasts and no future.

– Ricardo Morales in The Secret in their Eyes / El secreto de sus ojos

Yes, that’s true. If we get obsessed with the past and only repeat and fuel the stressful stories, we get stuck in the past. We get stuck in our stories about the past.

But there is a reason the mind goes to the past. It goes to traumatic or stressful events in order to seek resolution. It seeks healing. And it will keep going back until it finds it. There is nothing inherently wrong in it. It’s part of the healing process.

If the mind goes back to the past, and we use it to reinforce the painful stories, then the healing process goes no further. But if we relate to it with some kindness and skill, it can be an invaluable opportunity for healing.

Relate to the emotions and stories with kindness, as you would a child in pain. Acknowledge the pain that’s there. Feel the sensations of the emotional pain in the body. Allow it as it is. Find a gentle curiosity about the stressful stories. Listen to what those stories are. Write them down. Examine them. If you are gently, brutally, honest with yourself, are they true? What is more true?

tagged: emotional issues, healing, healing process, inquiry, retraumatize, trauma   

Supporting the natural healing and awakening process

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Most approaches to healing and awakening support the natural processes of healing and awakening that seem inherent to us and life.

What are some of the characteristics of the natural healing and awakening process?

For healing emotional issues, one essential is to be brutally honest about our stressful and emotional-issue creating thoughts. Is it really true? What’s the grain of truth in it? What’s more true than the initial thought? Another is to meet the feelings, allow them, perhaps befriend them, perhaps notice them as physical sensations.

For awakening, the essence is perhaps to notice that all content of experience comes and goes, and yet something doesn’t come and go. What experiences happens within and as doesn’t come and go. Perhaps that’s more what we are than any content of experience – like this human self, or any me or I?

These processes often happen organically, although it can take time and the process can get stuck for a while. That’s why some people have developed more structured ways to support these processes.

If the structured approaches are done with sincerity and under guidance of someone with experience, skills, insights, and experience in working through things on their own, then they often work. (If we try to “push” our system to conform to whatever ideas we have about healing or awakening, it can – in the worst case – create more emotional issues and stronger separation consciousness.)

In general, structural approaches to emotional healing mimic the natural processes of a mind that’s already relatively healed – and one that operates from some sincerity, clarity, insight, and experience – when it relates to and invites in healing for parts of itself.

For awakening, they mimic the processes of an already mostly awake mind to awaken less awake parts of itself.

Here are a few examples:

Emotional healing often involves a shift in how we relate to ourselves and the world. It involves coming to terms with, find peace with, and befriending different aspects of reality. Inquiry (The Work, Living Inquiries) helps us see through stressful beliefs and consciously be a little more aligned with reality. Heart-centered practices like all-inclusive gratitude practices helps us reorient and befriend. Therapeutic tremoring (Tension and Trauma Release Exercises) releases tension out of the body which makes befriending a little easier. Inquiry practices (Big Mind process, Headless experiments) that gives us a glimpse of what we are also invites a shift and reorientation in how we relate to the different aspects of reality.

Emotional healing also involves finding healing for specific emotional issues, and much of what I wrote in the previous section also applies here. Emotional issues are held in place by – among other things – beliefs and identifications, and inquiry can help us see through these. Heart-centered practices (tonglen, ho’oponopono) can help us shift out of the fear-based core of many emotional issues. Therapeutic tremoring helps release the tension out of the body that otherwise fuels emotional issues and stress. Noticing what we are (Big Mind, Headless experiments) can support emotional issues in resolving within this new context.

Awakening is a natural process, although one that doesn’t come to conscious fruition in most people’s lives. It’s supported by most of the traditional spiritual practices. Basic meditation (notice + allow) helps us notice what we are, and helps what we are notice itself. Heart-centered approaches helps us reorient in the way we naturally do in the context of awakening. Inquiry helps us see what’s already more true for us and align more consciously with reality. Inquiry practices like the Big Mind process and Headless experiments gives us a taste of what we are, helps what we are notice itself, and help us explore how to live from this context.

Since divine or energy healing is the approach I mostly explore these days, I’ll say a few words about it separately, and focusing on Vortex Healing which I am most familiar with:

Vortex Healing (VH) also supports the natural healing and awakening processes. Although it’s one of the approaches I have found that’s the most versatile and powerful, and I know very well it works from many experiences channeling for others and receiving, I still don’t have a clear sense of exactly how it works apart from the basics. It uses divine energy and consciousness to invite the body and mind to heal, and to remove energetic structures that allows the divine to temporarily and locally take itself to be separate – and this opens for awakening.

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tagged: awakening process, big mind process, essential topic, headless way, healing process, inquiry, living inquiries / kiloby inquiries, tension and trauma release exercises, the work of byron katie, vortex healing   

The radical and the middle ground in our healing and awakening process

moe Leave a comment

The awakening and healing path is – in my experience – both radical and a middle ground.

It’s radical in that to be thorough…. Our exploration needs to be independent of – and sometimes go against – old patterns and social norms and expectations. It needs to be dogged. We need to be radically honest with ourselves. And it needs to go all the way through even our most basic assumptions about ourselves and the world.

It’s a middle ground in that…. Our approach needs to be sane and grounded, flexible and undogmatic, and inclusive and wholeness oriented. In our healing, we include more and more of our parts as a human being. In the awakening, we find ourselves as that which our daily life experience happens within and as – as it is. Through both, we become thoroughly humanized and often live very ordinary lives.

Our healing and awakening process includes everything, including the radical and the very ordinary. Just like life itself.

What I write here reflects my own orientation and limited experience. I know it can look quite different for others. And that’s part of the richness of life and this particular process.

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tagged: awakening process, deepening into both poles, healing process, polarities, talking about, who and what we are   

One aspect of recovering from trauma: recognizing collective trauma

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Here is a very brief point about healing from trauma, and specifically the trauma that’s passed on through generations or through society.

When we are caught up in the trauma, it’s not uncommon to feel like a victim and have a me vs them view. For instance, if trauma was passed on in our birth family, we may – secretly or openly – blame our parents. We see ourselves as victim of their behavior and hangups. (This trauma can be developmental trauma which comes from difficult ongoing dynamics in our childhood.)

A turning point in our healing process can be when we understand that our parents too were traumatized. The trauma has, most likely, been passed on through generations. And it may also be a common trauma in our culture shared by many families to different extent. They were traumatized, lived – or lives – from that trauma, and that traumatized us.

There is a shift from they did it to me to we are all in the same boat.

If anyone is a victim, it’s not just me it’s all of us. (And it’s good to question the idea of victim.)

This doesn’t excuse us from responsibility for our own actions. We are all responsible for our actions. But it does reframe how we understand the situation and – to the extent we take it in – this can be an important part of our own healing process.

This reframing supports our own healing, and it’s also often a product of our healing.

It can also be an indicator to see what’s left of our own healing process. Do I genuinely feel that we are all in the same boat? Or do I go into a me vs them view?

This goes for healing any emotional issue, not just obvious trauma. A part of the healing process is seeing that it’s passed on through generations and the culture. It’s not personal. (Although it appears personal to us when we are identified with it.)

tagged: collective trauma, emotional issues, healing process, post-traumatic growth, trauma   

Healing work: differentiating factors that initiate, maintain, and support healing from the illness

moe Leave a comment

When we work on healing, it can be helpful to differentiate factors that initiate the illness, maintains it, and supports healing from the illness.

These three groups of factors sometimes overlap and sometimes are different from each other. For instance, if we identify healing factors, it doesn’t mean those are the same as the ones initiating or maintaining the illness (although they may be).

Simple vs complex illnesses

When the illness is simple, acute, and relatively well understood, the three types of factors may be more or less the same. I get an infection. It’s maintained by the bacteria. And the healing comes from eliminating the bacteria – either through allowing the body to take care of it or using antibiotics.

When the illness is more complex, chronic, or less well-understood, differentiating the three may be helpful. The maintaining factors may be different from the initiating factors, and we may need to address both. Also, we’ll often need to take a holistic approach and focus on supporting our body in its healing process in any way possible, independent of the specific initiating and maintaining factors.

Not jumping to conclusions

I sometimes see people working in alternative healing modalities confuse these. For instance, with a complex and chronic condition, it can be helpful to work on any emotional issues that create stress and this is one component in supporting the body in healing itself. That, of course, doesn’t mean that any one emotional issue created the illness or was even a (major) component in the onset of the illness. It may be, but it also may not be. We often don’t know, and for healing purposes, we may not need to know.

Similarly, if we know what caused a chronic illness, it doesn’t mean that addressing other things isn’t helpful for the healing. Often, we need to take a holistic approach in supporting the system in healing itself.

My own experience

I am perhaps especially aware of the importance of differentiate these three types of factors because of the chronic fatigue (CFS) I have had at varying levels since my teens.

In my case, the initiating factors may be a combination of genetics, mononucleosis (Epstein-Barr virus), teenage stress (social anxiety), and possibly mold (I lived in a basement apartment). When the CFS returned strongly some years ago, it was likely triggered by another infection (pneumonia) combined with mold and possibly stress.

I am not sure what the maintaining factors are although stress, an overactive flight/fight/freeze (FFF) system, diet, and climate are likely to each play a role.

When it comes to the factors supporting healing, some address possible maintaining factors and some support the body in healing itself.

In the first category, a priority is to remove any Epstein-Barr virus still in the system, reducing stress and supporting the FFF system in normalizing, changing the diet to (mostly) avoid processed foods and foods I have an intolerance to, and – as much as possible – spend time in a sunny, dry, and warm climate.

In the second category, I have found the following helpful: herbal medicine (mostly large doses adaptogens), get plenty of rest and sleep, learn to listen to and take seriously the signals from the body, supporting and strengthening my energy system, and working on any emotional issues creating stress and possibly preventing healing. One of the things I haven’t wholeheartedly focused on yet is detoxing.

tagged: chronic fatigue, healing process, illness   

What’s the purpose of trauma?

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What’s the purpose of trauma?

There are several answers to this question, partly because meaning is something we create and add to life.

Creation & Maintenance of Trauma

What’s the purpose of the creation and maintenance of trauma?

At an individual level, the main purpose of trauma may be protection. The pain of trauma is an incentive to avoid situations similar to the one initially creating the trauma.

At a collective human level, it’s probably the same. Traumas serve a survival function for our species. When a situation is overwhelming and we feel we can’t cope with it, we create trauma and the pain of the trauma helps us avoid similar situations.

Healing from Trauma

What’s the purpose we find through healing from trauma?

At an individual level, we may get a lot out of exploring and finding healing for our traumas. We obviously learn from the process, we learn how to heal from trauma and perhaps emotional issues in general. We may find we are more mature and humanized. We may be more raw and honest with ourselves and others. We may find ourselves as more real, authentic, and perhaps in integrity. We may have reprioritized and found what’s genuinely important in our life. We may discover the universality of human life and that – even with our individual differences – we are all in the same boat. We may have found a different and more meaningful life path. Our life, in general, may be more meaningful to us. We may have found a deep, raw, and real fellowship with others on a healing path. We may have learned to be more vulnerable with ourselves and others. We may have discovered how the path of healing from traumas fuels, leads into, and perhaps is an integral part of an awakening path. We may discover the deep capacity for healing inherent in ourselves, humans, and life in general.

At a collective level, it’s similar only scaled up and with the extra illumination and richness that comes from the interactions of people with different backgrounds, viewpoints, and experiences. Collectively, we learn about and from healing from trauma. We realize the universality of it, and of our profound capacity for healing. We see that healing from trauma is something we do together and not just individually. We discover that much of what we thought were individual traumas are actually more universal and collective traumas. We discover that culture is not only what gives us much of what we love about human life, but the painful unquestioned assumptions inherent in our culture is what creates much if not most of our pain.

Bigger Picture

What’s the purpose of the experience of trauma in the bigger picture?

If we assume there is something like rebirth or reincarnation, then the experience of trauma provides food for our healing, maturing, and eventually awakening. It’s the One locally and temporarily taking itself to be a separate being going through a reincarnation process and through that healing, maturing, and eventually awakening to itself as the One. The One the adventure always happened within and as.

Traumas seems an important part of the dialectical evolutionary process of humanity as a species and – by extension – of Earth as a whole. The aspects mentioned above and much more go into this.

And it’s part of the play of life or the universe or the divine. It’s lila. It’s life exploring, expressing, and experiencing itself in always new ways. It’s part of the One temporarily and locally experiencing itself as separate.

Note

When I use the word trauma, I mean the traditional one-time-dramatic-event trauma, and perhaps, more importantly, the developmental trauma that most of have from growing up in slightly – or very – dysfunctional families, communities, and cultures.

In a wider sense, any emotional issue, any painful belief, any identification, is a form of trauma and comes from and creates trauma. It’s the trauma inherent in the One temporarily and locally taking itself to fundamentally be a separate being.

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tagged: essential topic, evolution, healing process, lila, maturing, post-traumatic growth, trauma, who and what we are   

Central vs peripheral issues

moe Leave a comment

I saw someone ask: is this a core issue for me?

What is a core issue?

For me, I think of them as central issues. Issues that are central to who I take myself to be. Issues that have a general impact on my daily life. Issues that are often tied into many other issues – they are networked, have branches, roots and so on. And they are often universal. Shared by many or most humans and ingrained in our culture one way or another.

Some examples of typical core issues in our culture: Fear of rejection. Low self-worth. Define ourselves by our actions and accomplishments.

In contrast, peripheral issues are less central to who I take myself to be. It has less of a general impact on my daily life and tends to be triggered only in specific situations. And they appear more isolated and less tied in with other issues. Although if we explore them, they often lead to more central issues.

Of course, the separation into central and peripheral issues is mind-made and imagined. It’s fuzzy. It’s a matter of definition. It’s there just as a general guide. Sometimes helpful, sometimes less so.

For me, the distinction is mostly helpful in prioritizing what to work on. I’ll generally choose to work on more central issues, although sometimes it’s important to work on the more peripheral ones as well.

I should also mention that if I notice I am reluctant to work on one of my own issues, and it’s difficult for me to do so when I finally get to it, it’s more likely to be a central issue. The peripheral ones are usually easier and more enjoyable to work on. So if it’s a central issue for me, I may get someone else to facilitate me in inquiring into it, or do Vortex Healing for it.

This is also why we often end up working a lot on our peripheral issues and put off working on the central ones. It’s easier to work on what’s less central to who I take myself to be. And that’s another reason why being aware of this (mind-made) difference between central and peripheral issues can be helpful.

Which category do I tend to work on? Perhaps I need to acknowledge my fear of working on the more central issues? Perhaps it will be easier for me if I ask for help to work on them?

So what about the initial question: is this a core issue for me? Only you will know. But if it’s central to who you take yourself to be, colors your daily life, seem tied into other issues, and it’s difficult for you to get to know or work, then it may be a central issue. If so, and you want to explore it, it may be good to ask for assistance.

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tagged: core issues, emotional issues, essential topic, healing process   

Chronic Fatigue and three forms of rest

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Since I am exploring chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) more these days, I thought I would write a few posts on it. This and other topics are mentioned in my article on the CFS retreat.

With CFS, there are three forms of rest: after, before, and extra.

Resting after an activity is the after rest. This usually takes care of itself. I do something. Feel tired or exhausted. And need to rest. Often, I don’t have a choice.

Resting before a planned activity is the before rest. I rest for hours, days, weeks, or months before a planned activity so I’ll be able to do it. I rest a lot anyway so this is on top of the baseline rest.

Resting on top of these two types of rest is the extra rest. This is the rest that allows the body to heal and restore itself. It’s the rest I do when I could do something else but know that this extra rest is vital for restoring my body and allowing it to heal.

As I mentioned, the after rest usually takes care of itself. I don’t have much choice but to rest after activity. The before rest is something I have learned and it feels relatively ingrained now.

It’s the extra or healing rest I want to pay more attention to. This is the one I want to program myself to do more of. I notice I have energy to do something, and I still chose to rest. I chose to not spend the little energy I have right away. I chose to invest it in allowing my body to build up resources to heal.

A while back, my herbalist told me to spend only half of the energy I feel I can spend. That’s very good advice and something I am still learning.

tagged: chronic fatigue, currently, healing process, own healing   

Chronic fatigue retreat in Norway

moe Leave a comment

After being officially diagnosed with chronic fatigue (CFS) in Norway, I was offered to participate in a four-week course for CFS. I think of it more as a CFS retreat, and I thought I would share a few impressions from it here.

THE SETTING

The retreat is held at a rehabilitation center in southern Norway specializing in, among other things, chronic fatigue. The location is by a lake in a peaceful and beautiful valley. Everything was paid by the government, including transportation to and from the center. (I like that we collectively in Norway contribute to these things and decide it’s important.)

We have our own rooms (spacious, clean, quiet), four healthy and delicious meals a day, and there are several common areas. For those with food intolerances – which is most of us with CFS – they prepare special meals. They also have a quiet room for those who needed peaceful meals.

The CFS staff is professional, personable, kind, and with a very good understanding of CFS and its challenges, and what typically helps people with CFS.

The schedule is gentle. Four meals a day. A class (workshop) three times a week following breakfast. Mindfulness. Mindful movement. Some gentle activities in nature.

We can have the food delivered to our room if we feel it’s too much to do it ourselves. And we can ask to have someone change our sheets and towels.

I had special meals (without wheat or dairy). And I prioritized the classes and sometimes rested instead of participating in the mindfulness.

There will be a follow-up two-week retreat sometime next year.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

When I looked into the different locations for CFS-courses in Norway, this one stood out. Past participants gave it almost exclusively positive reviews. And I have to say I am very impressed by the staff, the place, and what I have gotten out of it. I am very grateful for having been given the opportunity to be here.

AVOIDING WORSENING

I know some people experience a worsening after participating in a CFS course, although I suspect it happens less often here than other places. The staff call potential participants in advance to screen them and make sure (as well as they can) that they have a high enough capacity to participate and get something out of it without worsening. (Or, at least, not more than we can recover from relatively quickly.)

During the course, the staff strongly encourage us to pay attention to early symptoms of doing too much and stay within what we are able to do without risking crashing. We are encouraged to create a schedule for ourselves we are comfortable with. (I am on a reduced schedule.)

And whenever we say no to an event because we need to rest, we receive strong positive reinforcement for doing so. After all, learning just that is one of the reasons we are here. And by resting instead of overdoing it, we set a good example for the other participants.

WHAT I GOT OUT OF IT

For me, what I appreciated the most was to be understood – by the staff and my fellow CFS participants. So I felt normal. I didn’t have to explain. I didn’t have to worry I wouldn’t be understood. I didn’t have to worry about what they would think when I had to choose to rest instead of participating in an event or social activities.

Most of the content was familiar to me, but it was very helpful to go through it, have conversations about it, and have the importance of it reinforced.

In the long term, I hope to learn to stabilize better and avoid frequent crashes, especially since this is essential for giving my body enough rest so it can gradually heal itself.

MAIN EMPHASIS

The main emphasis is to learn and use strategies that improve our quality of life and give our body the best opportunity to gradually heal itself.

Stay within a level of activity so we avoid crashes. (Taking the elevator down to the basement.) Sometimes, we may choose to do a little more, but in general stay within a range that gives stability. This gives the body an opportunity to gradually heal instead of frequently having to use resources to recover from crashes.

Notice the early signs of needing to rest and take these seriously. If we had diabetes, we would take insulin as soon as we needed to. It’s the same for CFS. As soon as we notice we need our medicine, which is rest, then take it. Prioritize it.

Reduce stress, including in the following ways:

(a) We learned to recognize stressful thoughts and what they do to our emotions, symptoms, and behavior. And replace these with more realistic thoughts that are more kind, calms down our system, and lead to behavior that helps us rest and take care of ourselves.

(b) We found and prioritized our personal values (what’s important to us), and learned how following “shoulds” create stress while following our values calms the system.

(c) We learned basic mindfulness and noticing and allowing thoughts, emotions, and sensations, and that we are not any of those. And that fighting discomfort and reality create stress while noticing, allowing, and befriending discomfort and the reality of our situation calms our system.

(d) We explored that we are all 100% valuable independent of what we can or cannot do, and what we think and feel about how valuable we are. We all agree that babies are 100% valuable even if they can’t do much and create work for others, so when do we lose that value? It’s only in our thoughts and feelings we reduce our value, while in reality, we keep our 100% value.

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tagged: autobiography, chronic fatigue, healing process, norway, own healing   

Healing = willingness to heal > lack of willingness to heal

moe Leave a comment

I think there is a relatively simple equation for whether we heal from emotional wounds or not.

The simple version is this:

Healing = willingness to heal > lack of willingness to heal.

When we want to heal more than we fear the discomfort of the process, we tend to find healing. It may take time, but there is healing.

We can add a few more components to the equation:

Healing = willingness face discomfort + trust in the process + right tools & good guidance > fear of discomfort + lack of trust + not so good tools

We not only need to be willing to face the discomfort, we also need to trust in the process, and we need the right tools and guidance. We need to trust we can find healing, that the tools are right, and that we have good guidance. And the trust needs to be based on reality.

We can add even a few more things to the initially simple equation: sincerity, honesty (with oneself), receptivity, and doggedness, a willingness to stay with the process.

Of course, if there are no results after a few sessions, it may be good to re-evaluate the process and perhaps find another tool and/or guidance. In my experience, if it works, we notice it relatively quickly.

The issue may not clear right away, but we notice it shifts and perhaps lightens and opens up. Smaller and more isolated issues can be cleared relatively quickly, but it takes longer for the more core and interwoven issues, perhaps even a lifetime, even if these too can shift, lighten, and be much easier after some sessions.

I am talking from my own experience here so I am open for this changing as I discover new tools and approaches.

tagged: healing, healing process   

Issue work: chopping the top off the mountains

moe Leave a comment

Most of us have innumerable emotional issues and too little time to work on all. We basically have everything in ourselves we see in the world. We see it because we recognize it from ourselves. And we have them in us since we are a genetic and cultural child of humanity.

So a practical approach is to find the central issues and work on them more thoroughly, and take the bite out of the rest, unless they keep cropping up and obviously interfere with my life.

This is a guideline that applies for whatever approach we use.

For me, it’s especially clear when I use Vortex Healing.

With core issues, I want to take them through the whole protocol even if it takes many hours. I sometimes ask someone else to do it for me since that’s easier for me than working on my own core issues. (I am more identified with them so it may be difficult to get started, or stay focused, or wanting to go through the full protocol thoroughly.)

With the rest, I often just do the main and most impactful parts of the protocol. This reduces the charge of the issue and makes it easier to relate to it consciously and it interferes less with my daily life. That may be enough, at least for the moment. If the issue keeps coming up in daily life, if it obviously interferes with my life, or if I am drawn to it, I can always do more.

How do I know if something is a core issue? It’s more likely to be a central issue for me if it’s been with me since early childhood, if I see it in my parents, if it’s a thread through my daily life, or if it’s a charged projection (if I keep seeing it in others and am bothered by it). Universal issues are also, almost by definition, more likely to be a central issue for me.

So the efficient approach is to be thorough with central issues and do just enough to take the edge off the rest. And if an issue keeps cropping up, treat it as a central issue.

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tagged: emotional issues, healing process, vortex healing   

Addressing fear of healing: a detour that can speed up the process

moe Leave a comment

When we work on deep-seated issues, there is often a fear of not only entering it but also of healing from it. This fear is a guardian of the treasure that’s there when we enter it, get to know it, and find healing for it. It’s a big part of what holds it in place.

The fear is also innocent, natural, and very understandable. It’s there to protect us. The protection is partly wise and partly a bit misguided. It’s wise since entering the issue without proper guidance can further traumatize us and make it worse. And can be a bit misguided since entering it with some guidance is what allows it to heal.

So when I work on deep-seated issues in myself or others, I often address this fear as well. If it’s strong, I may treat it as its own issue.

In a sense, this is a detour and slows down the process. In another sense, it’s what allows for a more real and deep healing of the issue. Slow is sometimes faster. What’s slow in the short run can be faster in the long run.

I often address this fear when I work with inquiry, Vortex Healing, and parts work (Big Mind process etc.).

tagged: fear, healing process, inquiry, parts work, vortex healing   

You don’t have to fix everything

moe Leave a comment

This video from The Optimum Health Clinic is about chronic fatigue (CFS) and it’s something I very much relate to.

Since we don’t know exactly what causes CFS and we often need to take a comprehensive and integral approach to manage it and perhaps heal from it, it’s easy to think that we have to fix everything to recover.

I am just like the client in the video. I know it’s probably not true, but I still often feel and act as if it’s true. I keep working on emotional issues, nutrition, diet, herbal medicine, regulating my activity levels, mindfulness, prayer, heart-centered practices, energy healing, being honest with myself and following my guidance, and much more, in order to see if I can recover from the CFS. At one level, it’s a wise, comprehensive, and integral approach. At another, for me, it sometimes has an element of compulsiveness.

It can be the same with healing from trauma since it’s often a set of emotional issues tied together, and we can always find additional related and underlying issues to address. We may have the idea that we need to fix everything before we are OK and can relax and enjoy life again.

And it can be that way with awakening as well, in whatever way we understand awakening. We keep going at it, perhaps from many different angles, and don’t feel we are OK or can relax until we “arrive” at some imagined place or state.

We may know – and perceive in immediacy – that all is the divine and perfect as is. We are also aware that there is room for improvement in terms of befriending our experience, clarity, healing, maturing, and living from our experience of all as the divine (Big Mind). And we may be genuinely drawn to keeping exploring all of this and deepening in it.

And for some of us on a spiritual path, it can feel a bit compulsive and we have the idea that we have to fix everything about ourselves before we are OK and can relax.

It’s very natural and understandable if we have some compulsion in our healing or awakening work. It’s even helpful. It creates an extra needed momentum and especially early on in the process.

And yet, at some point, it’s helpful to address the compulsion itself. Where does it come from? Is the voice in me driving the compulsion true?

Often, the compulsion is a reaction to believing that we are not OK and not enough as we are. We try to improve ourselves in order to get somewhere or get something we believe we don’t have. We may also have a belief that we need the compulsion in order to get anywhere and fear that we’ll stagnate without it.

None of that is really true, and as the compulsion relaxes, we may discover a few different things. We may find that it’s OK to take time to relax and enjoy our life as it is, and we may find we are more able to relax and enjoy it. We may also find that we are still moved to explore and invite in healing and awakening, and that there is a deeper calling or curiosity that’s not dependent on compulsion, a sense of lack, or (unquestioned, unbefriended) fear.

So the compulsion itself is not good or bad. It can be helpful in certain phases of our process. And it is driven by something in us that’s out of alignment with reality, so at some point, life invites us to notice and address it.

By doing that, we may find a deeper sense of contentment and OKness as we are. And that from here, we are more free to enjoy life and even to keep exploring and inviting in continued healing, maturing, and awakening. We lose the compulsion and we gain deeper contentment.

I should add that if our exploration was largely driven by compulsion and a sense of lack, we may let the exploration go after we resolve this sense of lack. We may be very happy to just enjoy and live our life without this element of exploration. And that’s more than OK too.

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tagged: cfs, chronic fatigue, fixing, healing process   

What if healing and awakening is endless?

moe Leave a comment

The truth will set you free in any area of life. And so also with healing and awakening. Not only is truth what allows for healing of emotional issues and awakening, but the reality about healing and awakening is also freeing.

As far as I can tell, one of these “truths” is that healing and awakening both are endless. There is always one more issue to heal. There is always another layer of what we think we are that falls away. For all practical purposes, it’s endless.

If I think there is an end to healing and awakening, I’ll likely try to get to that end. I have a goal in mind. I get impatient. I may set aside other sides of my life so I can get the healing and awakening done with, and then I can address the others sides of my life again. I may get frustrated. Disappointed. Having the idea that there is an end to healing and awakening creates a lot of additional stress and struggle.

If I see healing and awakening as endless, it frees me up. It allows me to weave it into daily life as one of many strands. It becomes normal. It becomes one part of my life among many. There is less urgency and compulsion around it. There is more balance between healing and awakening and the rest of my life. (And everything – any activity, experience and situation – can still be food for healing and awakening.)

It’s perhaps obvious. I assume most of us already see healing and awakening as endless. But somewhere in us, there may be an idea of a goal or endpoint. I know I have had both the knowing of it as endless, and parts of me wanting an endpoint. It can be one of those hidden or unspoken beliefs in us. As with so much, it’s good to notice. And if we are drawn to it, we can explore it further through inquiry or other approaches.

A benefit of seeing healing and awakening as endless is that we know there is always one more step, and one more. We are less likely to think we have “arrived” and less likely to see ourselves as inherently better (or worse) than others because of it, or to go stale because we think there is nothing more to explore or discover.

Another benefit of seeing it as endless is that we all are in the same boat. We may be at different places on the path on all the different strands of development, healing, awakening, and maturing, but we are all on the path. There is always further to go. Always one more step, for all of us.

And it’s not a problem at all that it’s endless. It just means the exploration continues. What’s revealed is fresh and new. We see more and different patterns and connections. We find more underlying patterns and dynamics. As humans, we continue to heal, mature, develop. As this local expression of life, we continue to see more about ourselves and what we are.

Of course, that it’s endless is an idea, it’s my imagination. I don’t really know. It’s just what seems most likely within my current horizon. And it’s the view that seems most helpful to me now.

When I said “truth” in the first paragraph, it’s not meant in the sense of any absolute or final truth. It’s just what seems most real and accurate for me right now, and also most helpful in a practical sense. It may well change.

A cosmology footnote: To me, it seems likely that this universe will expand and then contract, and the energy will form another universe. A “heat death” as current science sees as most likely wouldn’t allow for a continued dynamic exploration, so it seems more likely that the universe is inherently pulsing. Of course, I don’t know. This too is an imagination. And again, it’s one that seems helpful to the extent any overarching abstract idea like that is helpful and relevant to anything.

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tagged: awakening, awakening process, endless, healing, healing process   

Mother and father issues

moe Leave a comment

When asked about what our depression, or anxiety, or troublesome behavioral pattern is connected with, most of us will answer with immediate triggers. It has to do with our work situation, or the world situation, or current relationships.

And yet, as Freud pointed out and has become a bit of a cliche, the real answer is often in childhood. 

We may not feel ready to go directly there. Sometimes, it can be helpful to explore more peripheral or immediate issues. We get to learn and trust the process, and we get to see that it’s safe to meet it and that it can heal.

We get to see that we can learn to meet what comes up with presence, kindness, patience, respect, and gentle curiosity. We see that we can find healing for our relationship with it and how much relief is found here. And we may get to see that the issue itself can find healing and resolve. 

And yet, it’s good to relatively quickly explore if the issue does have roots in our childhood. After getting to know how the issue is experienced here and now, one of my favorite questions in inquiry is “what’s your earliest memory of feeling that way?”. It often brings the client (which sometimes is myself) right back to early situations that tell us something about how the pattern was initially formed. We get to see that it – whether it’s anxiety, depression, a compulsion, or something else – made sense in that situation and was a way of coping with a difficult situation. It was the best we could do in that situation as a child. 

We find understanding and empathy for ourselves, and perhaps even for the issue itself. We see it came from wishing to protect ourselves. And we are in a position to address the biographical roots of the issue, and that may allow for a more thorough, effective, and efficient healing.

Efficiency isn’t neccesarily a priority in a healing process, but we do have limited resources – in terms of time, money, and attention – so it is good to keep at least half an eye on efficiency.

I should also add that by addressing more peripheral and immediate issues, we do actually address parts of the the more central issues. The core issues are expressed in these peripheral and immediate issues. So by working on these peripheral issues, we do make inroads in the core ones. We prepare the ground for addressing them more head on, and it makes it easier – for many reasons – to address the core issues more head on.

We learn about the process, we learn to trust it’s safe to meet our emotional issues, we learn they can find healing, and we do – indirectly and in parts – address the core issues and find some healing for them. 

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tagged: core issues, healing, healing process, mother and father issues