For a few decades now, I have explored living with a chronic illness and disability – Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME).
I imagine that some of what I have found helpful for me can be helpful to anyone, especially in our society and culture.
Self-worth. In our culture, we are trained to find our self-worth through achievements and activities. What if we are valuable as we are? What if we have inherent value, just like all life and all beings? What if we are OK and enough as we are?
Pacing. Life has seasons. What if we include those seasons through the day and over a series of days? What if activity is followed by rest? What if we schedule in rest? What if we find restful ways to do our activities?
Body comfortable. How is it to do what I am doing in a little more comfortable way? How is it to find a more restful, enjoyable, and nourishing way to do it?
Ask for help. In our culture, we are trained to be self-reliant and self-sufficient. How would it be to ask for help? What if it’s not a burden for the other? Maybe that person is happy to help, feel useful, and contribute to someone else’s life?
Find an authentic yes or no. When you say yes or no, is authentic? Are you fully on board with it? Is it something you need to say to yourself or the other first? What are you afraid may happen if you say an authentic yes or no? Is it likely to happen? Is it something you can live with?
Find a “yes” or “no” in your body. When deciding to do something or not, how would it be to do this: (a) Say “I can do it if I want, and I want to do it”. Notice how your body responds. Does it relax. Is there excitement? Does it come alive? If so, that may be a genuine yes. Does your body contract? Do you hold back your breath? That may be a no. Then, say to yourself: “I can do it if I want, and I don’t want to do it.” Notice your body’s response. Does it relax or come alive? Does it contract and hold back?
Find meaning. How is it to find meaning in your life as it is? Maybe in connecting with nature? In genuine connection with others?
Find joys in daily life. How is it to find joys in daily life? In what’s already here or what you can easily do? In watching the sun or rain out the window. In the song of a bird. A cup of tea. A delicious lunch. Music. A conversation. Sitting on the terrace.
Making friends with your body. How is it to make friends with your body? As it is? It’s here for you. Every second of every day it’s here for you. It’s doing its best to support your life.
Making friends with your life. How would it be to make friends with your life? As it is? How would it feel? What would change? What stands in the way? What beliefs and identities may stop you? How would it be if they were not there? If you saw through them and they didn’t have a hold on you?
Making friends with your experiences. How would it be to make friends with your experience as it is here and now? The discomfort? Contractions? Anxiety? Frustrations? What if your experience right now is OK? What if it was OK to make friends with it?
Thanking contractions. When I notice contractions in myself – scared parts of me – I thank them. They are here to protect me. They were formed as a way for my psyche to protect me, often early in life. They come from care for me, and love for me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me. Stay as long as you want.
The essence of wants. Take any wish, want, or need. What do you hope to get out of it? What do you hope to get out of that? Continue until you arrive at a simple essence. (This simple essence may turn out to be universal, innocent, and even beautiful.) Do this with many of your wishes, wants, or needs. Is the essence of what you wish for already here? How is it to notice? Also, how can you bring it into your life more? (Adyashanti.)
Needs may be wishes. Is what you think of as a need really a need? Isn’t it really more of a want or wish? If so, how is it to admit that to yourself? (Byron Katie.)
Change “have to” to “want to”. Notice when or if you say “I have to…” to yourself or someone else. How is it to change it to “I want to… because…”? Is that more honest and authentic? How does it feel? (Marshall Rosenberg, NVC.)
Refining goals. I had to let go of some goals and find new ones, more appropriate to my situation and circumstances. That can be painful, although also rewarding. The new goals can be as good as the previous ones, or even better. They can come from more authenticity.
Nourish nourishing relationships. I have let go of relationships that were not so nourishing, and instead nourished – and sought out – more genuinely nourishing relationships. Nourish the relationships that make you come alive.
Nourish nourishing activities. Find, engage in, and prioritize nourishing activities, the ones that make you come alive.
Find connections with the larger whole. We are already part of this living planet and this unfolding universe, although we also live in a culture with a separation worldview. How is it to explore and deepen into these connections with the larger whole? (Deep ecology, Practices to Reconnect, Universe Story, Epic of Evolution, lived cosmology, EcoSpirituality, etc.)
Question and see through the shoulds of our culture and civilization. We live in a culture that has a strong domination element, and that’s hard for all of us. What are these shoulds? Where do they come from? What do they do with us, as individuals and society? Who or what do they serve? What are some alternatives? How would it be to bring those into my life and live from them?
One way I see CFS/ME is as a correction to our mainstream culture with its emphasis on productivity and finding value and identity through work. In this culture, more is better. Work hard and play hard. There is a one-sidedness here, and the world of CFS/ME is a correction to this one-sidedness. It’s a way for life to balance it out. There are important lessons from the world of CFS/ME for the rest of society.
Writing this, I am also reminded of good enough. With my brain fog and fatigue, it’s difficult for me to take in information and also to write. I forget. I can’t find much flow. It’s difficult for me to read over to edit. And that’s OK. It’s good enough, at least for now and for this article and this purpose.
Sometimes people tell me how I can “think myself well” from the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). They have read an article, heard a story, or found that mindset or lifestyle changes helped them with their fatigue.
It’s meant well, there is a grain of truth in it, and it’s often based on a misunderstanding.
CFS IS A SERIOUS CHRONIC ILLNESS
CFS is a debilitating chronic illness and disability, with strict diagnostic criteria.
Although the exact cause is not yet determined, researchers agree that it is a biological illness, with biological causes, likely biological solutions, and typically triggered by an infection. Most likely, it’s caused by the body’s reaction to the infection, which is why it’s often called a post-viral disease.
It’s diagnosed after a long and thorough process to eliminate other conditions, often involving several different medical specialists each with their own tests and examinations.
Research has shown biological abnormalities in patients with CFS. This includes dysfunction in energy production, immune regulation, and the autonomic system. It seems that most if not all systems are impacted. These findings support what patients have reported, and strongly suggest that CFS is a physiological illness.
The dysregulation impacts multiple systems of the body and mind, including temperature, digestion, heart rate, cognition, and emotions. The bodymind doesn’t seem to have the energy or capacity to regulate as it normally would.
One of the core criteria is Post-Exertion Malaise (PEM). Any activity, whether mental or physical, worsens the condition, often severely and sometimes permanently. Rest can eventually bring us out of a crash, but it does not restore as it does for people who do not have CFS.
It has a severe and debilitating impact on those living with it.
WHAT IT IS NOT
CFS is not burnout, stress, depression, general fatigue, or another condition that may have a superficial similarity to CFS.
It’s not just “being tired“.
It has a different cause, a different trajectory, different symptoms, and different treatment.
WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME TO “THINK MYSELF WELL”
How does it feel when someone tells me to think myself well?
As I mentioned, I understand that it’s meant well and appreciate it.
I also understand that they don’t understand the condition. They may see it as a kind of burnout or a similar condition, in which case a psychological approach is appropriate and can reverse the condition.
CFS is very different. Science and patient experience shows it’s a biological chronic illness.
All health has a psychological and social component, and that doesn’t mean I can think myself well from CFS. I tried that approach for decades. At the different CFS clinics and centers I have been to, I have not met a single expert who thinks so.
So how does it feel when people treat it as a psychological illness with a psychological solution? It depends. It’s usually a mix of appreciation for the intention, and feeling not seen or understood.
MY SITUATION
I got CFS when I was fifteen, likely in response to mononucleosis (Epstein-Barr virus) some weeks earlier. During my twenties and most of my thirties, I was better, and then had a severe relapse in my late thirties following weeks of severe pneumonia. (I lived in a house with black mold at the time, with experts in the US and Poland think may have contributed to triggering it again.)
I was diagnosed at the CFS-center at the Oslo university hospital, after a process that involved a range of specialists and tests and lasted several years. The process involved interviews, blood tests, MRI, EKG, psychological evaluations, and so on. Specialist CFS clinics in the US and Poland confirmed the diagnosis.
I have all the usual symptoms of CFS, including PEM, brain fog, and general dysregulation of many of the systems of my body and mind.
It feels like living permanently with a strong flu or other infection, minus some and with the addition of other symptoms. Imagine having a strong lasting flu and trying to function in daily life for years and decades, and you get a rough sense of how it is to live with CFS.
It has severely impacted all aspects of my life.
WHAT WORKS FOR ME
Since the beginning, I have engaged with innumerable approaches to get better. Some alternative (herbal medicine, acupuncture, bodywork, energy work, faith healing, prayer etc.). Some psychological (therapy, cognitive therapy, inquiry, visualizations, gratitude.) And some conventional (pacing, rest, medicines, diet, climate). I have taken all of these seriously, learned from the best in the field, and engaged wholeheartedly with these practices or treatments, often for months and years at a time.
What I have found works for me are relatively simple physical approaches: Pacing. Rest. Reducing stress. Herbal medicine. Climate. Diet. (Specifically, resting before/during/after any activity. Prioritizing, learning to say no and asking for help. Siberian ginseng. Sunny and dry climate. Eating whole foods low on the food chain and avoid or minimize dairy, wheat, sugar, and processed food.)
I also suspect that hyperthermia helped me. After a hyperthermia treatment in Poland some years ago, I did much better for a while. I hope to try that again.
A psychological approach has been immensely helpful for me in relating to my illness and my life. In spite of my best effort, it has not helped the illness itself. I have used cognitive psychology, gone to several therapists long term, delved deep into several forms of inquiry, used several forms of visualization and gratitude practices daily for months and years, and much more. I am trained and certified in many of these approaches, and have been a client in many more. When I explore these, I typically go into it wholeheartedly and daily or weekly (depending on whether I do it for myself, or as a client) for months and years, guided by experts in the field.
It has helped me immensely to accept that I have a chronic illness and a disability. It was a huge relief to finally admit it, after 35 years of living with CFS and being label-adverse. It has also been immensely helpful to say it to others, and for them to understand the seriousness of the condition. When I just called it CFS, people often dismissed my condition – sometimes leading to severe crashes and a permanent worsening of my condiiton. Now, when I call it a chronic illness and disability, others take it seriously. I am fully open to my situation changing and to find health, and for now it’s a relief to admit this.
This is not how I expected it to be. I started out assuming, as some still do, that I could shift it through visualizations, meditation, intention, prayer, inquiry, and so on. What I instead found is that what stabilizes and improves my health are simple physical changes.
MATCHING THE TREATMENT TO THE CAUSE
In general, the treatment for an illness needs to match the initial cause. Or it needs to match what causes it to stay. What causes it to stay may be different from the initial cause1.
If the illness is mainly psychological in nature – burnout, stress, depression – then the most appropriate treatment is psychological, supported by diet, exercise, and so on.
If the illness is mainly biological in nature – cancer, a broken bone, CFS – then the most appropriate treatment is physical in nature, supported by psychological approaches, social support, and so on.
WHY SOME CAN “THINK THEMSELVES WELL”
Why can some think themselves well? I am not sure.
In some or many cases, they may not actually have CFS. They may be self-diagnosed without understanding the strict criteria required for such a diagnosis, or they may have received a quick diagnosis by a non-expert doctor. What they have may be more akin to burnout, depression, or similar, in which case a psychological approach works. The treatment is aligned with the cause.
In some cases, people with CFS get better for whatever reason or for no apparent reason. I was much better in my twenties and early thirties.
Even among those with a genuine CFS condition, there is diversity. It may be part of the solution for some and not for others.
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL APPROACH HAS ITS PLACE
I don’t at all reject a psychological approach to CFS or health and illness in general.
It can obviously help us immensely in how we relate to our illness and our life.
It can help us feel and function better.
In some cases, it can even play a role in recovery. At the very least, it can support recovery, along with other approaches.
IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND
At the same time, it’s important to understand a few things before recommending a psychological approach to people with CFS and other chronic illnesses.
As it looks now, CFS is a severe biological illness. If you wouldn’t recommend it to someone with cancer or a broken leg, think twice before you recommend it to someone with genuine CFS.
If you recommend it, do it in the context of relating better to the illness and life.
And as usual, the advice is for you. Take your own advice. Don’t offer advice to someone who hasn’t asked for it.
WHY SOME RECOMMEND A PSYCHOLOGICAL APPROACH
Why do some recommend a psychological approach to CFS which, according to what we know about it, is a biological illness?
As mentioned earlier, they may mistake it for burnout or something similar with a psychological cause.
They may want to be helpful, because they care.
They may want to try to help, to feel better about themselves.
WHAT’S MORE HELPFUL
Whatever is behind it, the intention is good.
And another strategy may be more helpful. Often, it just involves being present, listening, learning about the condition, and being generally supportive and understanding.
In general, if someone doesn’t ask for advice, they may not need it. They may just need you to be there and be a good friend.
NOTES
In my case, it’s possible that the Epstein-Barr (EB) virus triggered the illness, followed by a low-grade EB infection damaging my kidneys and other organs and systems, and that damage continues even if the EB virus is gone. The illness and damage itself may be caused by an immune response to the virus. If the virus “hides” in the cells, the immune system may inadvertently damage healthy cells in an attempt to get at the virus. I don’t know if this is how it is, but it’s possible.
I have had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) for a long time now, and I keep noticing how my energy levels impact everything.
WHEN MY SYSTEM IS IN PEM OR A CRASH
When my system is in Post-Exertion Malaise (PEM) or a crash…
I don’t have resources to deal with anything apart from full rest. My system is solely focused on absolute rest and there are no resources for anything else.
I don’t have the resources to think, talk, plan, or make decisions. If I have to talk or make decisions, it usually doesn’t go very well. I say things that don’t make sense. I make bad choices.
I don’t have the resources to regulate my relationship with my emotions and thoughts.
My mind tends to project the current state into the future. Somewhere, my mind imagines that it will always be like this and that – understandably – brings up survival fear. It helps to notice what’s happening, remember that everything changes, and switch off any conscious engagement with future-thinking and rest here and now.
in general, my system has trouble regulating just about anything – temperature (easily too hot or too cold), appetite (I either lose appetite or eat more than usual in an attempt to restore energy), eyesight (gets blurry), emotions, cognitive processes, and so on. There is a breakdown in its ability to regulate many processes, and especially the “luxury” ones like thinking.
It’s difficult to do anything apart from full rest, and it’s difficult to relate to my inner and outer life in any skillful way.
WHEN MY SYSTEM IS LESS DEPLETED
My system is never not depleted. It never functions well and never has a lot of energy. But it is sometimes more stable and less dramatically depleted, usually after days, weeks, and months of very intentional rest – which includes choosing away just about everything apart from the essentials of survival.
When my system is not dealing with PEM and is not in a crash, I have some resources to deal with my inner and outer life, in short segments at a time. I can make some decisions. I can process information in brief moments. I can talk for a little while.
In general, my system has more resources to regulate whatever needs to be regulated, including emotions and cognitive processes.
A FEW THINGS THAT HELP
There are some things that help my system stay stable and avoid PEM and crashes.
The most important is regulating my activity and pacing. I limit my activities. I ask for help. I usually do the few things I do in five minute sections, after a lot of intentional rest. (This includes simple things like watching a movie.) I rest before, during, and after any activity, and extra. I notice the signs of having done too much (a weird vibration in my system, headache, nausea, a desperation for rest) and intentionally rest.
I am very conscious about my food and water intake. I make sure to drink a lot of water. (Herbal teas mostly.) I eat low on the food chain. (Vegetables, fruit, quinoa etc.). I avoid foods my body is not happy with. (Processed and refined foods.) I eat to two thirds full. I eat mostly during a six-hour window during the day. I have simple snacks regularly. (Nuts, fruit, vegetables.)
I try to get good sleep. I go to bed early. I try to sleep in a quiet place. I use melatonin or CBD drops if needed.
I try to intentionally relate to what’s here. With kindness. Noticing and questioning stressful thoughts. Tonglen. Ho’oponopono. Notice my headlessness. Find myself as Big Mind/Heart. Be a good parent for myself.
I ask for Vortex Healing energization. This supports my system in recovering from PEM and crashes.
THE LESSONS HERE
What are the lessons here?
When we are healthy, it’s easy to overlook how much energy required for even daily and apparently simple tasks. We may not even notice it takes energy. It’s invisible to us.
We don’t notice how much energy it takes to sit upright, to walk to the bathroom, to take a shower, to make food, to have a simple conversation, to process even simple information, to watch a movie, and so on. We also may not notice how much energy is required to regulate our relationship with emotions and thoughts.
When our system is depleted, as it is with CFS – and even more so with PEM and in a crash – all of that becomes abundantly clear. Even the simplest task requires a good amount of energy. Even something as invisible as how we relate to emotions and thoughts takes more energy than most notice or imagine.
Jeg har levd med ME/CFS i noen tiår nå, og har studert en biopsykososial tilnærming over flere år på universitet i USA. Jeg har også bodd det meste av voksenlivet i USA.
For meg virker det som enkelte i ME-miljøet i Norge har en feil forståelse av hva en biopsykososial tilnærming innebærer.
“Biopsyko(øko)sosial” betyr at alt henger sammen. Om vi har et brukket bein, tuberkulose, kreft, ME, angst, eller hva det måtte være, så er det viktig å se på biologi, psykologi, det sosiale, og også økologi. Alt henger sammen. Det kan være en hovedårsak ett sted, men for å forstå og å behandle noe på best mulig måte er det viktig å ta med alt og å se alt i sammenheng.
De fremste spesialister på ME internasjonalt tar denne mer holistiske tilnærmingen. For meg personlig har en biopsykososial tilnærming vært helt nødvendig og svært viktig for å få det bedre. Jeg jobber med det fysiske (qigong, urter, diett, TRE, osv.), mentale (kognitiv psykologi, terapi, drømmer, osv.), sosiale (dyrke nærende forbindelse), og det økologiske (såper uten parfyme, være i natur osv.).
Det ligger i navnet at en biopsykososial tilnærming tar med biologi i forståelsen av en sykdom. Når det gjelder ME er det helt klart en svært viktig del av bildet, og kanskje det viktigste. Det er mye forskning på den biologiske siden av ME, selv om det burde vært svært mye mer.
Siden vi ikke har en god forståelse av ME ennå, så vet vi ikke sikkert hva slags rolle og hvor stor rolle det biologiske spiller, og det er viktig å være ærlig på det også.
Det er også viktig å huske at årsak og behandling er to forskjellige ting. Selv om det viser seg at ME hos mange hovedsaklig har en biologisk årsak, så kan den mest effektive behandlingen gjerne være helhetlig. Med andre ord, en biopsykoøkososial tilnærming.
Når enkelte i ME-miljøet i Norge snakker om en “biopsykososial” tilnærming, så virker det som de egentlig mener en reduksjonistisk psykologisk tilnærming til ME, en tilnærming der en reduserer ME til det psykolgiske. Dette er det motsatte av en biopsyko(øko)sosial tilnærming som i sin natur, og sitt navn, er helhetlig, holistisk, og ser på sammenhenger og systemer.
Når enkelte i Norge gjør dette bruker de et stråmannsargument. De fremstiller en biopsykososial tilnærming som det motsatte av det det er, og det hjelper ingen.
Det får bare ME-miljøet i Norge til å virke dårlig informert.
Om en vil bli tatt alvorlig er det viktig å bruke riktig terminologi.
Since I also have a disability, it made me look at wholeness and brokenness.
HUMAN BROKENNESS
At a human level, there is inevitably some brokenness. There may be slight brokenness in the form of some hangups, wounds, and physical ailments, or it may be more obvious brokenness in the form of trauma, illness, or disability. That’s how this life is. It’s part of life.
I also find wholeness.
WHAT I AM
As what I am, there is wholeness. As the consciousness I am – forming itself into the experience of this human self, health and disability, a life in the world, and the wider world – there is wholeness. I cannot not be whole.
The consciousness I am forms itself into (the idea and appearance of) brokenness and everything else, and as capacity for it all, I am capacity also for brokenness.
WHO I AM
As who I am, as this human self in the world, I also find wholeness.
I am as rich as the world. Whatever I see in the world is something I can find in myself.
I can take any story about someone or something, turn it to myself, and find specific and authentic examples of how they are true.
There is a wholeness here that’s as rich as the world.
PART OF THE LARGER WHOLE
As this human self, I am part of this seamless living system we call Earth, and I am a part of the seamless system we call the universe or existence.
As Carl Sagan said, we are the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe. We are the universe bringing itself into consciousness. I would add that we are the universe investigating and reforming itself through and as us.
We are existence expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself temporarily and locally as us.
There is a wholeness here too.
A LIVED NOTICING AND EXPERIENCE
This is all a lived noticing and experience for me.
I am very aware of (some of) my brokenness in terms of my wounds, traumas, and physical disability and challenges.
I notice myself as this consciousness forming itself into this whole field of experience. (Headless experiments, the Big Mind process.)
I explore myself, at a human level, as being as rich as the world. I use the world as a mirror to find what I see there also in myself. (Projections, The Work of Byron Katie.)
I explore and remind myself of the Universe Story and that I am a local and fleeting expression of the seamless system of existence.
When I engage in meditation and mindful movement, especially over time, I find a visceral sense of wholeness. For me, Breema is especially good for this.
This is all an ongoing noticing and exploration. There is no finishing line.
Wholeness and brokenness are both here, and the brokenness is part of the wholeness already here.
THE IDEA OF BROKENNESS
Whatever idea we have of brokenness is an idea, it’s created by our mental field.
It reflects our culture, family, subcultures, and so on.
It’s a question about the world, as any other thought, whether we notice or not.
It’s worth identifying and questioning any ideas we have about brokenness and anything else that may be stressful to us.
Is it true that I am broken even if I have a disability? I find that my body works in amazing ways. It knows how to breathe, metabolize, speak, think, feel, walk, and much more. There is definitely a wholeness here, even living with a chronic illness.
Is it true I am broken even if I have traumas? I find that these traumas don’t exclusively belong to me. They belong to my family, my ancestors, my culture, and humanity as a whole. They are universals. They are something many of us live with, explore, and even make friends with. There is a wholeness here.
This helps me hold my ideas of brokenness more lightly. Yes, it’s true in a limited and conventional sense, and it’s a useful idea in some contexts. And it also misses a lot. It misses the wholeness that’s here. The wholeness that includes and goes far beyond anything we may consider “broken”.
We are blessed to have very little light pollution in our area, outside the town of Barichara. On a moonless night, the sky is dark and filled with stars.
At the same time, there seems to be very little awareness of the many problems of light pollution in this area, and I suspect we will get more of it.
So how do we deal with light pollution on the land we are stewards of? It’s not very difficult. I keep the outside lights off at night unless we need them on for a few minutes for a specific purpose. Also, they are shielded so they don’t send light upwards. (Others here are not so concerned about light pollution and want to keep the lights on even when not needed for practical purposes, so there is some friction around this.)
What needs to happen in the community? Education is one place to start, although it’s not going to do much in itself. Regulation would help, although it seems there is little regulation about anything here so it would require culture change. Structural changes will help, like actively offering guidance and rebates on shielded bulbs and lamps.
The images are of our small house and the sky here. Some light comes out of the windows on one side of the house at night because we have the windows open for cooling and ventilation, but the light does not go up to the sky. These photos are taken with my phone so don’t do the night sky here justice.
There is a dengue epidemic in the tropics and also here in Barichara. We know people who have had a strong case of dengue and have been in hospital.
So how do we reduce the chances of contracting dengue? How do we reduce mosquito bites?
TWO GENERAL WAYS TO DEAL WITH MOSQUITOS
There are two general ways to deal with mosquitoes, and they reflect two general worldviews.
One is to work against nature: drain wetlands and ponds, use pesticides, use toxic insect repellants, and so on. This is severely destructive to ecosystems and life, and it’s the way of our civilization.
The other is to work with nature and support life.
WORKING WITH NATURE TO REDUCE THE MOSQUITO POPULATION
What are some examples of working with nature to reduce the mosquito population?
What we do, in general, is to support the local ecosystem and encourage as much diversity as possible. We are nourishing the soil. Around the house, we plant anything that works well in this climate and ecosystem with an emphasis on food-producing plants and plants good for pollinators. In the rest of Finca Milagros, we plant native trees, bushes, and shrubs, with the inclusion of non-invasive food-producing plants that work well here. (We are just starting on that phase.) We also have a pond and make sure it has a continuous supply of fresh water from a spring higher up the canyon.
This brings more insects, birds, bats, frogs, and others that eat mosquitos and/or their larvae.
SPECIFIC EXAMPLES
Here are some specific examples.
We use mosquito netting around the bed.
We use a ceiling fan at night which creates air currents that discourage the mosquitos.
We use natural and non-toxic insect repellants, which also happen to be locally produced.
We have small lizards in the house, which I assume eat mosquitos when they land on the walls.
I like to go to bed early, which reduces the time I am out at the same time as the mosquitos. (They are mostly dormant during the day.)
We have some standing water around the house, for the insects and smaller animals, although make sure the water is replaced as best we can.
We will install pumps to circulate the water in the rainwater storage tanks.
We keep the main pond filled with water. This helps dragonflies, frogs, insects, birds, and animals. We may install a solar-powered pump here to keep the water circulating better.
We have made Milagros into a nature preserve to support as much wildlife as possible. This will, hopefully, invite more insect-eating birds, bats, dragonflies, frogs, spiders, and so on.
We are adding different forms of mulch to the ground around the house to help the soil, and this also helps beneficial wildlife like frogs, lizards, spiders, and ants.
At least right now, we don’t have too many mosquitos here even if it’s the wet season, and I want to continue to support nature to reduce the mosquito population.
A MORE COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF NATURAL METHODS
I asked ChatGPT 4o for a list of natural methods. The list looks good, and it reminds me that I have wanted to get the BTI bacteria.
From ChatGPT 4o:
Here is a comprehensive list of natural, non-toxic methods you can implement at Milagros to reduce the mosquito population and minimize the chances of being bitten:
1. Encourage Natural Predators
Bats: Install bat houses around Milagros to attract bats, which can consume hundreds of mosquitoes per night.
Birds: Attract mosquito-eating birds like purple martins, swifts, and swallows by installing birdhouses and planting native trees and shrubs.
Dragonflies: Encourage dragonflies by maintaining small water features and adding native plants that attract them.
Frogs and Toads: Create small ponds to attract amphibians, which eat mosquito larvae and adults.
Fish: Introduce mosquito-eating fish like Gambusia (mosquitofish) or guppies in ponds and water features.
Spiders: Support natural spider habitats around the finca by maintaining leaf litter, tall grasses, and rock piles to attract web-building spiders that catch mosquitoes.
2. Mosquito-Repelling Plants
Citronella (Lemongrass): Plant citronella around seating areas and high-traffic spots.
Marigolds: Use marigolds to deter mosquitoes with their strong scent.
Lavender: Plant lavender around the house to act as a mosquito deterrent.
Catnip: Catnip is highly effective in repelling mosquitoes.
Peppermint: Grow peppermint around your outdoor spaces for its mosquito-repelling properties.
3. Habitat Management
Remove Stagnant Water: Regularly check and eliminate any stagnant water (in buckets, plant saucers, tarps) where mosquitoes can breed.
Install Water Pumps: Ensure that water features like ponds have moving water through solar-powered pumps to prevent mosquitoes from breeding.
Add Floating Plants: Introduce plants like water lettuce or water hyacinth in ponds to create habitat for mosquito predators and reduce open water surfaces.
Reduce Dense Vegetation: Clear out dense vegetation where mosquitoes may rest, especially near sitting areas.
4. Introduce Beneficial Insects
Predatory Beetles and Nematodes: Release beneficial insects like predatory beetles and nematodes that feed on mosquito larvae in the soil.
Parasitic Wasps: Encourage parasitic wasps by planting nectar-rich plants (fennel, dill, yarrow) that attract them, as they can help control mosquito larvae.
5. Use Natural Mosquito Larvicides
Bacillus thuringiensis israelensis (BTI): Apply BTI in stagnant water sources. BTI is a natural bacterium that specifically targets mosquito larvae without harming other wildlife. Use mosquito dunks or granules in ponds or rainwater catchments.
6. Install Mosquito Traps
CO2 Traps: Use solar-powered mosquito traps that mimic human breath by emitting CO2 to lure and trap mosquitoes without chemicals.
Light Traps: Install UV mosquito traps in outdoor areas where people congregate.
7. Create a Thriving Ecosystem
Plant a variety of native plants to encourage a diverse ecosystem of insect predators like dragonflies, spiders, and birds that keep mosquito populations in check.
Promote Ant Colonies: Support ant populations, especially ground-dwelling ants, which can help reduce mosquito larvae in soil and stagnant water.
8. Natural Repellent Methods
Essential Oil Sprays: Create homemade repellent sprays using citronella, eucalyptus, tea tree, lavender, or lemongrass oils. Spray on skin or around outdoor areas.
Diffusers: Use essential oil diffusers with natural mosquito-repelling oils in outdoor sitting areas.
Garlic Sprays: Apply a garlic-based spray on plants or areas where mosquitoes rest; mosquitoes avoid the scent of garlic.
9. Promote Airflow
Fans: Mosquitoes are weak fliers, so use outdoor fans in seating areas to create airflow that will reduce mosquito activity.
10. Install Physical Barriers
Mosquito Nets: Use mosquito nets around beds and outdoor seating areas to prevent bites while resting or relaxing.
Screen Doors and Windows: Ensure that all doors and windows have tight screens to keep mosquitoes from entering the house.
11. Encourage Ground-Dwelling Predators
Chickens and Ducks: Free-range chickens or ducks (especially Muscovy ducks) can patrol grassy areas and eat mosquitoes, their larvae, and other insects.
12. Personal Protective Measures
Wear Light-Colored Clothing: Mosquitoes are attracted to dark colors, so wearing light-colored clothing when working outdoors can help reduce bites.
Long Sleeves and Pants: Opt for long sleeves and pants in the early morning or late afternoon when mosquitoes are most active.
13. Use of Mud and Natural Coverings
Apply a thin layer of mud to the skin as a natural mosquito deterrent when working outdoors in highly infested areas. Mosquitoes are less likely to bite through mud.
By using a combination of these strategies at Milagros, you can naturally reduce mosquito populations while protecting yourself and preserving the ecological balance on your land.
We just had the Summer Olympics in Paris, which I saw a few parts of – mostly sports climbing and surfing.
I find myself fascinated by sports psychology even if I don’t have much interest in top-level sports. Why? I have an interest in psychology in general, so it’s natural for me to be interested in sports psychology too. There is also a more personal reason, which I sometimes joke about: I live with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), so I have to live the life of a top athlete. I have to take care of myself and manage my health and energy as they do, and I am always looking for more pointers and insights.
Although how it looks in the world is very different, there are quite a few parallels between the life of an athlete and living with a disability like CFS.
Here are a few that come to mind, with some examples from my own life.
BODY
NUTRITION AND HYDRATION
We literally are what we eat so this is obviously important.
Food. I find I function much better if I eat fresh food low on the food chain (vegetables, fruits, some grains), and minimize certain foods (in my case, dairy, caffeine, sugar, refined foods, hyper-processed foods). If it’s local, organic, and in season, then even better.
Just enough. I eat until I am about70 percent full most of the time. If I eat more, I feel heavy and sluggish. I seem to naturally eat slowly, which helps me notice when I am full enough.
Feedback. I notice the effects of different foods on my body and mind and choose the ones that feel good. These days, this is quinoa, most vegetables (I avoid onions), olive oil, feta cheese (the one cheese that seems to work well for me), and some fruits. I don’t eat many grains right now, apart from some beans in a chili now and then.
Hydration. I also function much better if I drink plenty of water, especially during the first half of the day. I drink a variety of herbal infusions and sometimes chai (without caffeine), hot water with roasted Maya Nut flour, or water with lemon. I often start the day with a glass of water with hydration salts. I taper off the water intake during the late afternoon and evening so I won’t need to get up in the middle of the night. I usually drink room temperature or warm drinks since it feels more nourishing to me.
ENERGY MANAGEMENT
Good energy management is another essential.
Pacing. When I engage in activities, I rest before, during, after, and extra.
I plan out the week and how much rest I’ll need for the – usually very few – activities scheduled. I allow some room for unexpected activities as well.
In my case, I find it helpful to also literally move slowly. I use slow movements in daily life – when I walk, shower, brush my teeth, make food, eat, and so on. It feels nourishing and helps me avoid crashes.
I like to schedule in plenty of time so I don’t need to rush.
Recovery and restitution. I schedule in rest after an activity. Often, I’ll do something for a few minutes and then rest for a while, until I notice I can do a few more minutes of activity. For instance, I always rest between daily activities like showering, making food, and so on. If I leave the house, I usually need to rest for what remains of the day and maybe the next one or two days.
Performance priming. I plan ahead so I have enough energy for a scheduled event. For instance, I know I have a meeting later today, so I rested extra for the last two or three days, and I made sure to get extra sleep and rest last night. I am also avoiding physical activities this morning, apart from the essentials like eating and showering. I also pay extra attention to eating foods that work well for me.
Varied activities. I vary the activities I engage in. Mainly, I vary activities that require mental versus physical energy. Sometimes, I have more mental energy and can do more mental tasks. Other times, I have more physical energy and can do simple physical tasks. Or I may need to rest from both.
BODY-MIND
Body awareness. I pay attention to the signals from the body. In addition to feeling extra fatigued, it can also be signs like a sense of vibration in my body, headaches, nausea, and so on. I have learned to take these seriously and rest when I notice I need to. Similarly, after some good rest, I may notice my body wanting to get up to do something, and if I don’t see a good reason not to, I’ll do it.
Good habits and routines. Habits deepen grooves so it’s easier to fall into them again. Even small changes in daily habits have a big effect over time.
I typically go to bed early, drink water with hydration salts first thing in the morning, eat low on the food chain, and so on. This summer, I have also often done qigong in the mornings, ideally outside in the morning sun. There is also a lot of room for improvement. For instance, I would like to set aside time for daily meditation again, and also more often go to sleep without listening to a podcast or audiobook.
Quality of rest. I am aware of the quality of my rest. I rest best horizontally in a quiet and tempered space.
Mindful of what takes energy. Activities that many consider restful actually require energy. For instance, watching a movie or listening to audio takes energy. If I want to semi-rest while watching or listening to something, it’s better if it doesn’t require a lot of cognitive or emotional processing. If I watch or listen to something that requires more processing, I do it when I have more energy and often only for five or ten minutes at a time.
MIND
Meditation. Different forms of meditation have been an important part of my life, now and in the past.
I used to do regular practice to train more stable attention, which helps in all areas of life, including in noticing and not so easily getting caught up in stressful thoughts.
I also notice my nature throughout the day. In one sense, I am this human self in the world. In a more fundamental sense, I am what this human self – and the wider world and anything within the content of experience – happens within and as. This gives a sense of coming home, and it helps this human self relate to it all with a bit more psychological distance and perspective. This noticing goes into the foreground or background at different times depending on where the attention is.
Mindful movement. Many athletes include mindful movement in their program. It helps them connect with their body and mind differently. I find mindful movement nourishing and transformative. For instance, qigong means to transform energy, and that’s how it feels. I may feel out of it in different ways – discomfort, sense of stagnation in my system, anxiety – and when I do qigong, I feel better, sometimes much better. It sets my system on a different course.
If I notice a tendency to rush in daily life, I take it as a cue to slow down. Rushing is uncomfortable and most of the time unnecessary. In my case, it can also lead to post-exertion malaise (PEM).
Resilience and coping strategies. How do we deal with challenges and setbacks? This involves perspectives, self-talk, and more.
If I find myself in a CFS crash, I know it’s easy to engage in fearful thoughts so I intentionally let them be and focus on something else. If I don’t feel very good one day, I remind myself that this is common and it changes, it’s a dip and rest helps. I give myself permission to not do anything useful that day apart from resting, which is the main priority anyway. It’s the most useful thing I can do.
If I notice fearful thoughts about the future, I remind myself that these are scary imaginations. They are not reality. I remind myself of what I have in my life – food, shelter, family, friends, and so on. I also look at the worst realistic scenarios, and it seems they are OK and I can find some peace with them.
If I am especially fatigued and brain foggy, I find it’s better to wait if I have decisions to make or need to do a task. When I feel a little better, I can do it more easily, faster, and better.
When I rest, I am doing my job. My job is to rest and give my body a chance to recover and build up some energy.
It’s also helpful to be aware of perfectionism. I don’t need to do any of this perfectly, all the time, or in all situations. It’s what I generally do that counts, that’s what has an impact over time. Also, small changes over time add up.
Finding my value. In our culture, we learn to tie our self-worth to our activities and identities in the world. That’s a problem whether you are an athlete or have a chronic illness, so it’s important to investigate this and find some clarity around it.
One side of this is that we all are far more than our activities, identities, and physical health. It’s one small part of the immeasurable richness of who and what we are.
There is also something more essential here. Can I find my value independent of my activities and identities? Do I have value just by being – just like a baby, or a cat, or a tree? Or maybe even existence itself? Is that my more real and fundamental value?
Clarifying priorities. I find it helps me to clarify my priorities. What’s most important to me in my life? If I am ninety-six and look back at my life, what would I have liked more of in my life? What’s less important?
If I know I will die tomorrow or in a year, how would I want to live my life today?
I also sometimes explore the more essential motivations I have. I notice I want something, and ask myself: what do I hope to get out of it? I keep repeating that question until I arrive at something simple and essential, which is also often universal. This also helps me see that there are usually many possible strategies to find that essence. (For instance, one need is to feel accepted and loved. I tried to find it through activities and identities, and I can now find it in a more essential way.)
Gratitude. This and the next one may not be common for athletes, but I find it helpful. I remind myself of all the things in my life it’s easy to find gratitude for – sun, wind, food, a cat sleeping next to me, friends, family, a roof over my head, and so on. We cannot take any of this for granted, and, amazingly, it’s here now.
I also explore the genuine gifts in what my personality doesn’t immediately like. My personality doesn’t like this chronic illness, and I can also find genuine gifts in it. It has helped me learn to rest. It has helped me find my value more independent of my activities and identities in the world. It has helped me identify, examine, and find more clarity around stressful thoughts. It has helped me be more aware of what’s important to me. It’s a relatively good container for self-exploration and exploration of life.
In periods, I explore the gifts in what my personality doesn’t like in a more structured way. For a set number of days, I engage in a regular all-inclusive gratitude practice with someone else. This helps open my mind to find the genuine value even in that which my personality may not immediately like.
Heart-centered practices. These help me find more peace with myself and the world. I especially like tonglen and ho’oponopno.
Goal setting. I sometimes set goals that seem helpful and feel deeply right. For instance, my goal for this spring and summer was to do qigong most mornings, with the help of a weekly course and the support from that community. This spring, my goal was to eat less sugar and I rarely eat sugar these days. I feel much better when I avoid it.
Reducing stress. I can reduce stress in several ways – by eating well, getting enough rest and sleep, asking for help, saying an honest no, nurturing nourishing relationships, being in nature, and so on. I can also reduce stress through the other points in this list, including examining stressful thoughts, grounded and kind self-talk, gratitude, heart-centered practices, and so on.
SOCIAL
Support system. It’s important to nourish a good support system, as much as we are able. Having friends and family that understand, and healthcare professionals who are knowledgeable about CFS, helps us in innumerable ways. They can offer emotional, practical, and informational support.
Communication of needs. I have had to learn to ask for help and see the gifts in it. I am also learning to say an honest yes and no, and that an honest “no” is a yes to myself. It’s also important to educate those around us about the characteristics of our illness. Fortunately, there are some good resources out there.
Guidance. I have found guidance from skilled coaches and professionals very helpful. Some have been in the field of functional medicine, others were in the mainstream medical profession although they specialized in CFS.
Peer support. When I went to the CFS retreat in Norway some years ago, one of the things that really helped me was being around people who understood how it is to live with CFS – from their own experience or through their professional practice. It made me feel seen and more normal, and I also got to see that certain symptoms I had thought had to do with me are common symptoms of CFS.
ECOLOGY / ENVIRONMENT MANAGEMENT
Supportive environment. It’s important to find a physical environment that’s conducive to what we wish to achieve. For me, what I want to achieve is rest and recovery, and that means a physically comfortable environment, quiet, and with some nature around.
A part of this is to reduce stressors – like extreme temperatures, noise, and so on.
Clean air/water/food. Again, we are what we eat so it’s important to eat clean food (organic), drink clean water, and breathe clean air.
Nourished by nature. We are nature, and we evolved in natural and rich ecosystems. It’s what feels right and enlivening to us at a primal level. I feel nourished by nature and seek out nature in daily life, whether it’s just noticing the wind, sun, rain, and so on, or it’s going out into a more natural environment.
NOTES
This is one of the topics that could easily be a book or a dissertation, and there are likely some out there already. I have just touched on a few examples here.
I notice the mind part of this is by far the longest, followed by the body. All four areas are equally important, although I do tend to focus on the mind and body since that’s what I am drawn to, and my social life is very limited due to the CFS. (I am far more engaged socially when I have more energy.)
I wrote this on August 13, just after the Summer Olympics in Paris, but didn’t publish it. I just remembered this article so am publishing it now, even if it could be better organized, weighted, and thought through.
When I studied psychology, I quickly got into the biopsychosocial approach since I loved more integral, systemic, and holistic approaches in general.
BIO-PSYCHO-ECO-SOCIAL APPROACH
Really, I got into what I called a BioPsychoEcoSocial approach since ecology is part of it too, maybe the most important part. (I wrote my undergraduate thesis on that.)
What does it mean? It just means that our health has all of these aspects: Our biology, our psychology, our society, and our ecosystems. It’s all part of what forms our health and influences our well-being.
It’s what we all already know, just formalized a bit.
UNDERSTANDING MY CFS
It’s the approach I use to understand my own health. I live with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and it’s helpful to understand it by looking at these four aspects.
Biology
They find biological changes in people with CFS, and it’s likely I have some or all of those too.
It may have genetic components. When I uploaded my genetic profile to a European database, it told me I had a genetic variation associated with CFS.
When I initially got CFS at age fifteen, it was a few months after mononucleosis (Epstein-Barr). That’s a quite common connection. It’s possible the EB virus stayed in my system, and my system’s reaction to it may have led to CFS.
I was much better in my twenties and most of my thirties. When the CFS returned, it was following weeks and months with pneumonia. (My doctor wouldn’t treat it, and I – for whatever reason – didn’t change doctors.) I also lived in a house in Oregon with some mold problems, and it was after a long and wet winter.
Psychology
Although nobody knows for certain, it seems likely that childhood trauma may play a role in CFS. It may be one of several stressors that sets the stage for CFS. I certainly have my share of that.
I also had a lot of stress and teenage angst when I initially got CFS at age fifteen.
When the CFS returned in my thirties, I had a lot of stress from feeling “trapped” in a life situation that didn’t feel right. (Of course, I trapped myself in it since I could make changes but didn’t until I eventually did.)
Ecology
What’s the ecology part of it?
There may be good evolutionary reasons for having genetic variations that (also) set the stage for CFS. These variations may have other advantages for individuals and humanity as a whole. For instance, according to the genetic database I uploaded my genetic info to, it has to do with sensitivity. It’s not good for everyone to be extra sensitive, but it’s good for humanity and society as a whole to have some individuals like that.
I suspect diet and environment play a significant role in the onset of CFS, and it certainly plays a role in managing it and possibly healing from it. A clean environment and a healthy diet set the stage for better health, and environmental toxins and eating food grown with chemicals in depleted soil sets the stage for less good health.
Also, at least my psychology is influenced by what I see happening with nature and what I know is happening around the world, and I assume it’s similar for most people. Grief and anxiety come up when I see the unraveling and destabilizing of our ecosystems, and that’s another aspect of the overall stress.
Social
The social aspect also plays a role in my CFS, in several ways.
It may have contributed to the onset. I didn’t feel safe and comfortable in my family growing up, due to the dynamics between my parents and their fear of what others may think of them. I also didn’t feel comfortable in my class in school since there was a good deal of hostility and bullying from a few people there, also directed at me.
All together
I suspect that CFS comes about from a combination of predispositions and stressors, from all four aspects mentioned above. Nobody knows for certain, but that’s how it looks for now.
Managing and finding healing from CFS also involves all four of these, and I have explored and worked on all four since my late teens.
NORWEGIAN WEIRDNESS
I am partly writing this because I was reminded of some weirdness in the Norwegian CFS community around this. Several people there seem to have a beef with the biopsychosocial approach to understanding CFS.
They seem to mistake it for a reductionistic psychological understanding of CFS, and of seeing it as mainly or only psychological in origin.
To me, those two approaches are at the opposite ends of the spectrum.
A biopsychosocial understanding takes a holistic and whole systems view of health and disease. We look at all the many different factors influencing it to get a better and fuller understanding of what may be going on.
A reductionistic approach, whether it’s psychological or biological or something else, reduces it all to one thing and overlooks the rest.
So if you refer to a reductionistic psychological understanding of CFS, call it that. Don’t call it biopsychosocial since that’s something very different.
I have lived with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) for a few decades, so I thought I would share some of my experiences.
What has helped me the most?
I find it’s a combination of several things, mostly the basics along with one or two more specific ones.
PACING
I have learned to pace myself better. I rest before, during, and after any activity.
I typically split up activities into 5-10 minute sections, with rest in between.
I schedule rest days before and after any significant activity – going out for an errand, having a visitor, cleaning, and so on.
I schedule in extra rest since things may happen so I’ll need to spend more energy than planned.
This has helped me enormously and I am still learning about how to best pace myself. It has helped me avoid crashes and generally stabilize.
REST
When I rest, I aim for quality rest – a quiet room, dark, cool, and so on.
Any activity takes energy, including listening to something or watching a movie. I still watch videos or movies, but not if I need or want to rest more deeply.
DIET
I find that eating fresh and low on the food chain helps me a lot. Ideally, it’s local and organic as well.
I also minimize and avoid certain foods: Refined or super-processed foods are often not very nutritionally dense. Refined sugar causes my energy level to go up and down too much. Caffeine gives a kind of “false energy” that masks when my body needs rest. Dairy makes me feel bloated and sluggish.
When I eat like this, I find that my system is far better at handling the exceptions since I, on special occasions, will eat just about anything.
I aim for a good general diet, and it’s good to be flexible.
WATER
I drink a lot of water, mostly in the form of herbal and spice teas and water with lemon. I aim for clear to lightly colored urine.
My highest intake is in the morning and early afternoon, and then less in the late afternoon and evening. That helps me not need to get up in the middle of the night.
I find that this too helps me a lot.
CLIMATE
I find that I feel better and have more energy in dry and warm weather, with occasional rain.
If it’s too cold (less than 15 c) or too hot (25-30 c and above), it seems that my body needs to use a lot of energy to regulate, and it’s not very good at regulating in general.
I know this is individual. For instance, I have talked with people with CFS who do better in cold climates.
ASKING FOR HELP & SAYING “NO”
CFS has helped me be more authentic.
It has helped me be more transparent, ask for help, and say “no” when I need to.
Asking for help and saying “no” is easier the better those around me know and understand my condition. Sometimes, it helps to refer to an authority like doctors or organizations that provide thorough and accurate information about CFS.
REDUCE STRESS / CLARIFY
In general, it (obviously) helps to have a stable life situation, reduce stress, find meaning in life, clarify our priorities and what’s really important to us, and so on.
In general, find what’s nourishing for you, and nourish that. Notice what drains your energy, and minimize or eliminate that.
Some of the approaches that have helped me are heart-centered practices (Tonglen, Ho’oponopno, all-inclusive gratitude practice), inquiry (The Work of Byron Katie, Kiloby Inquiries, the Big Mind process, the headless experiments), neurogenic tremoring (Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises / TRE), training a more stable attention, and basic meditation.
I have written about this in other articles so won’t go into it in detail here.
MINDFUL MOVEMENT & NATURE
I find that gentle mindful movement – in my case Breema, Qigong, and tai chi – helps me feel more whole and myself. I feel better and can relate to situations better.
It’s the same with being in nature. I feel more alive, more myself, and more connected with the rest of life.
FOLLOW MY INNER KNOWING
I have learned to follow my inner knowing and guidance more consistently, although there is still room for improvement!
I have lived with this body my whole life, and with CFS for a few decades. I can generally feel when I am about to do too much, when I need rest, and how complete that rest needs to be. I can also imagine into situations and get a sense of how my system is likely the respond, and make decisions accordingly.
HERBAL MEDICINE
I take Siberian Ginseng (eleuthero) and echinacea for energy and my immune system. These days, I also take Lion’s Mane for my memory (impacted by long-Covid). I buy the powder, fill my own (000) capsules using a capsule-filling tray, and take 3-4 of each daily.
At times, I also take cod liver oil and/or vitamin D capsules, vitamin B12 sublingual tablets, magnesium, and/or a few other things.
ENERGY WORK
About eight years ago, I discovered Vortex Healing which is a form of energy work that can be done in-person or at a distance. I was skeptical at first since many healing modalities seem too strong for my system, but was favorably surprised. I have taken the trainings (up to UAP so far).
What I benefit from the most these days is receiving energization sessions. I notice a clear difference before and after. They provide me with a very welcome boost.
VH also seems to help with detecting and removing sub-clinical infections, strengthening the system in general, and working through any emotional issues (identifications) impacting general health and the energy system.
It also helps if I crash. It seems that my system gets very disorganized when it crashes, and VH helps boost the energy and helps it get more organized again.
For me, it hasn’t been a magic bullet but it has helped me greatly. I also feel calmer knowing that a VH session can help stabilize and boost my system.
WORKS TOGETHER
I listed these from the most basic to the more specific, not by order of importance.
It’s not so easy for me to rank these, mainly because they all work together. They all contribute.
If I were to rank, I would do as I did here and put the basics first: pacing, rest, diet, climate, and relationships.
FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU
Some or all of this may be different for you. What’s important is to find what works for you.
Notice what you do, and notice the effects. Or explore it more systematically.
I have done a combination of both and there is still a lot for me to explore and discover.
I noticed I have put on a bit of weight over the last few weeks, and I wondered why.
My whole adult life, starting from my mid-teens or so, I have eaten to about 80 percent full. I don’t stuff myself but leave a bit of room at the end. It helps me avoid feeling full and heavy after a meal, and, in general, it just feels better. I also naturally seem to eat slowly, which helps me enjoy the food more and for longer, and it also helps me notice when I get to 70-80 percent full. (I am usually the one who finishes the meal last.)
This started at some point in my teens when I noticed others stuffing themselves on special occasions and at special meals like Christmas, New Year’s, a birthday, and so on. To me, it made no sense. Yes, the food may be delicious, but it’s not more delicious if I stuff myself. On the contrary, it’s just uncomfortable.
At the Zen Center some years later, I was happy to see that they have a similar philosophy. The meal in the Zendo during retreats is called oryoki – which means “just enough”, and the instruction was to not eat until full but to leave room at the end of the meal.
I later learned about the term hara hachi bu, a Confucian guideline to eat to 80 percent full. People have noticed its beneficial effects for millennia.
So what happened over the last few weeks? I have noticed that when I cook my main meal of the day – usually at midday – I think to myself: fill up so you don’t need to make so many meals later. Since I need to save as much energy as possible for clearing out the house, and I am alone in that project, and making meals takes a good amount of energy even if they are simple, I decided to fill up to reduce the need to make further meals and save energy.
It doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. It only makes me feel too full and heavy, and it has very likely caused me to put on 2-3 (?) extra kilos. But it has been an attempt to save energy for the main task at hand.
As I woke up this morning, this insight came to me and I will – from now on – return to my habit of eating to 80 percent full. It feels far better, avoids the heavy feeling, and will likely bring me back to my normal weight which also feels much better.
I should also mention that I generally eat low on the food chain, eat only or mostly when I am hungry, and don’t eat so I feel very full. I also drink a lot of water, mostly in the form of herbal and spice teas. I am also not too strict and take the opportunity to, now and then, enjoy just about any kind of food.
The image is of my breakfast one year ago today: oatmeal porridge with fruits and berries. Looks like I used some kind of chocolate sauce on it, which is very unusual to me. I likely used it since I found it in my parents’ house where we were staying then. It showed up on my Facebook feed just now, so I thought I would use it here.
Update: It’s now about ten days later, and it feels very good to be back to the familiar 70-80 percent full way of eating. I don’t feel tired after meals as I did for the short period when I ate more, I feel generally lighter in body & mind, I am losing the little extra weight I put on, and it feels better all around.
A livestream about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME) from the husband, friends, and doctors of Dianna Cowan (Physics Girl).
CFS is a seriously under-researched illness. Maybe because it’s difficult to know where to start. The majority of people with CFS are women. And the ones who get it are often so sick that they (we) don’t have the energy to become activists.
The recent pandemic, and the subsequent and predicted pandemic of people with long-Covid, will hopefully bring more attention to CFS and fuel more research.
What are the symptoms of CFS? Common symptoms include persistent and unexplained fatigue that doesn’t improve with rest, post-exertional malaise (PEM), heightened sensitivity to chemicals, light, and sounds, difficulties with memory and concentration, sleep disturbances, muscle and joint pain, headaches, sore throat or tender lymph nodes, dizziness, unrefreshing sleep, flu-like symptoms, digestive issues, heart palpitations, and swollen lymph nodes.
How does it feel to have CFS? For me, it feels like having severe influenza without a runny nose, coughing, and so on. The brain fog takes the form of a combination of a feeling of “cotton in the head” and reduced executive cognitive functions such as the ability to focus, take in information, remember, talk coherently, write longish texts, and so on. It’s very difficult to process information. If I want to watch a movie, it typically has to be easily digestible and in short portions. My sleep has been severely impacted in periods, although it’s better now after my condition became more stable. My system has trouble regulating itself, including heat and cold. I have digestion problems and need to avoid many different types of foods. I have chemical sensitivities. I have strong sound sensitivity and get exhausted in a noisy environment. It’s very difficult to impossible to schedule anything in advance since I don’t know how my condition will be on any one day or time of that day. (Although a lot of rest for several days, if not weeks, in advance, makes it more lightly I’ll be able to do a little.)
It has nothing to do with depression, although I have had sadness, grief, despair, and anger come up because of all the limitations of CFS. It can also be profoundly scary, especially in bad periods. For me, it brings up survival fear since I don’t know if I’ll be able to take care of myself or have someone take care of me.
It severely limits our life in the world and puts our life in a very different course from how our lives used to be and what we had planned. As I mentioned, grief and fear often come up in response to our new life situation.
Others often do not understand. Friends have taken it personally if I have to say “no” or cancel. I have had several experiences with people refusing to take it seriously (including professors and advisors at the university). My main doctor did not take it seriously for a long time, although that changed when he got a medical student in his office. As recently as last year, I went to a medical specialist in an unrelated field, and he literally rolled his eyes and scoffed when I told him I have CFS.
Living with CFS also makes it very clear that we live in a society designed by and for abled people. For instance, before the pandemic, I asked my doctor if we could do appointments over the net and it was immediately rejected. During the pandemic, when abled people were impacted, it was suddenly very easy to do appointments over the phone or the net. The same happened with the energy work classes I have been taking.
There is also the other side. The friends I have now understand and are supportive. My family now seems to understand. I have found doctors and others in the medical world who are knowledgeable, understanding, and supportive. I have had the opportunity to find my value independent of my activities in the world and what I produce. I have found more peace with what is, as it is, and even profound appreciation and gratitude for it. I have found a simpler and more natural way of exploring who and what I am, including meditation. I have found an even deeper appreciation for life and the simple pleasures and joy in life – including the sun, rain, a cup of tea, music, silence, and so on.
What causes CFS? Nobody knows for certain. It may be a combination of factors, or it could be just one simple one. In many cases, it seems to be triggered by a viral or bacterial infection, or other severe physical stress.
In my case, I suspect the CFS came about from a combination of a viral infection (Epstein-Barr) and possibly continued EB virus in my system, stress, mold, and perhaps genetics, although I don’t know for certain and I don’t know the mechanisms.
What helps? Since there is no medical solution, a holistic approach seems to be the best we can do. For me, what helps is a combination of… Reducing my schedule to a minimum. Quality rest – in silence and darkness and ideally in a cool room. Pacing – which includes resting before, during, and after any activity, and extra, and also schedule in rest days before and after any activity. Asking for help. Diet – which for me means eating fresh and whole foods low on the food chain as much as possible, and minimizing or avoiding dairy and refined and processed foods (especially sugars). Herbal medicine – Siberian ginseng, echinacea, etc. Ginger powder in hot water to help my digestion. Hot spices in food, like cayenne. A warm and sunny climate is best for me. Nature and being in nature. Mindful movements – for me, Breema, tai chi, and qigong seem to help the best. Simple pointers to help me notice and rest in and as my nature. Inquiry to examine stressful beliefs and find what’s more true for me. Energization through energy work, which in my case is Vortex Healing.
Will there eventually be a medical solution? Maybe, if we put money and time into research.
NOTE: If you recently got diagnosed with CFS/ME, or suspect you have it, it’s very important to REST and avoid over-exertion. Take it very easy and get to know how your body functions with CFS/ME, which is very different from what you are used to. Rest and slow down more than you think you need. It’s common to try to do too much, crash, and get worse, and that may happen repeatedly until you are bedbound most or the whole time.
We are made for being active in nature daily. We are literally made for it. Our bodymind is made for it. That’s how our ancestors lived going back to the initial single-celled organisms.
So it only makes sense that daily engagement in growing food in our garden has multiple benefits. It makes us feel more alive. It helps us move. It stimulates our minds. It reminds us that we are nature. It reminds us of the life we are designed to live.
That’s another reason why monocultures, including in our gardens, are less nourishing for us. It’s not very meaningful to have and maintain manicured lawns and hedges. It’s not very stimulating to the senses. It feels meaningless, apart from living up to current social norms and expectations and “what will the neighbors think”.
Having a nature garden and a small food forest is something else entirely. It feels far more like the nature we are designed to live in. It’s far more stimulating to the senses. It is far more meaningful since it produces food, provides food and habitat for a myriad of species, and mostly maintains itself after it’s established.
This is regeneration not only of nature but of ourselves. It’s also a small part in regenerating our society and culture.
I saw an article on NRK – the publicly owned news source in Norway – about people organizing to bring attention to how the corona vaccine harmed their health.
That’s understandable. And it’s a complex situation.
We know that vaccines – like any medicine – can harm our health. Even the most apparently innocent medicine, like painkillers, can seriously harm our health. In a few out of a large number of cases, it does. That’s well known. The authorities and doctors need to make this clear since it seems that some are surprised by this. (I also understand they don’t want to unduly worry people or induce them to make decisions based on what happens to only a very few people.)
I assume that often, the harmful effects of the vaccine come from the body’s reaction to it. If so, that’s a parallel to what happens when our body reacts to the virus itself leading to the post-viral syndrome/CFS form of long-covid. It seems that the body can respond to either vaccines or the actual virus in a way that harms our health. (For me, an interesting question is whether these two groups are the same people. If someone’s body responds strongly to the vaccine, would their body have responded equally strongly to the actual virus? I imagine it’s difficult to figure this out.)
As many will point out, correlation is not causation. Some of the ones who think their health was damaged by the vaccine make a wrong connection. What happened with them would have happened anyway, vaccine or no vaccine. It had a different cause. We don’t know how many this applies to.
So yes, it’s important to take this group seriously. They have health issues, these need to be addressed, and it’s important to sort out what’s going on with them. (Likely a diversity of causes.) It’s also important that people understand that any medicine can cause serious health issues in rare cases, and that includes vaccines as much as any other medicine.
I imagine anti-vaccine folks and conspiracy theorists will jump on this. And, in reality, they have little to no reason to. In rare cases, any kind of medicine causes serious health problems. That’s well known. There is also the usual correlation-versus-causality discussion which is valid and important to take seriously. (It’s equally important to not use it to dismiss valid concerns.)
This perfectly captures how it feels to live with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS).
I may look fine or OK to others. I am often able to mobilize for short periods and appear relatively normal. And my experience of myself is very different.
HOW IS IT TO LIVE WITH CFS?
How does it feel? It’s almost impossible to describe, but here are some attempts:
It feels like having severe influenza minus the congestion and fever. It’s equally difficult to think and get up from bed and do things.
I have strong brain fog: It feels like cotton in and around my head. It’s difficult to remember things. It’s difficult to make good decisions. (Sometimes, it’s difficult to make even the simplest decisions.) It’s difficult to take in information. It’s difficult to stay focused for more than five or ten minutes. (I typically have to watch movies in short segments over several days.) It’s difficult to string together words. (which is why these writings are short, choppy, and feel like a list of points.) It’s often difficult to find words. In bad periods, it’s difficult to relate to life and what comes up in the way I do when I have more energy. In short, the executive functions are impaired and it gets worse the worse the CFS is.
I get worse after just about any activity, and sometimes a lot worse. Any type of “explosive” activity (walking fast, heavy lifting, etc.) is just about impossible since it causes a severe crash. And any type of activity at all worsens the symptoms and requires a period of recovery. Simple and essential daily life activities are often all I can do. And, in periods, even that’s very difficult.
I have to schedule extra rest before, during, and after any planned activity. If I am meeting someone, or if I have an appointment of any type, I typically have to rest for days before and after. I have learned to do things slowly.
It takes a long time to recover from infections and other illnesses.
In short, my system lacks resources. It lacks the resources to do things. To have conversations. To take in information. To process. To think. To consciously and intentionally relate to life and what’s coming up in me. To recover after other illnesses. And so on.
At an energetic level, I and others have found a pattern: My system seems very disorganized when I have a crash. That’s perhaps not surprising. It takes energy to keep a mind-body system organized. When it’s energized (using Vortex Healing), my system again becomes more organized.
SOCIAL, MEDICAL & POLITICAL ASPECTS
This is challenging enough in itself. On top of this are the social, medical, and political aspects.
Most people don’t understand it very well and may assume it’s just mild tiredness. They typically see me when I am able to mobilize for a few hours, or in the better periods, and they don’t see what’s happening the rest of the time. Some get upset that I have to cancel appointments, and don’t realize how much effort I put into trying to make it happen. Or they think that my long periods of not staying in touch mean I don’t value the connection.
CFS is a kind of “pariah” illness. It’s poorly understood. There isn’t much research. Politicians and policymakers don’t take it very seriously. Many doctors don’t know much about it. There is no mainstream medical treatment. (In Norway, the largest newspaper – Dagbladet – seems to have a campaign to show that CFS is just a matter of “pulling yourself together”.)
This will very likely change. I am sure they will understand the mechanisms better. (The trigger seems to often be a combination of physical and/or psychological stress, often involving a viral infection.) They may even find an effective treatment or cure. If or when that happens, CFS will be included among the acknowledged and understood diseases. (There will still be diseases in the pariah category going through a similar process.)
HOW I HAVE EXPLORED IT
I have lived with this since my teens, and I have tried a wide range of approaches.
I have found a diet that works for me. (Eating low on the food chain. Reduce or avoid sugar, wheat, and dairy. Drink lots of water / herbal teas. Have bone broth daily. And so on.)
I have found that sun and moderate to warm climate work well for me. (Cold weather impacts my system strongly, as does very hot weather. Both place an extra demand on the very limited resources of my system.)
I have learned to rest before, during, and after activities. I have learned to portion out tasks over time and move slowly.
I have used a wide range of herbal medicines. For instance, a combination of Siberian ginseng (eleuthero) and echinacea seems to work well. (I fill my own capsules and have around five large ones daily. Siberian ginseng gives energy and echinacea helps my immune system. I have used this for long periods, and am now taking a break.)
I discovered that hyperthermia treatment seemed to help me greatly for several months. (I would like to try it again but it’s expensive and I need to travel quite a distance for it.)
I have tried a wide range of alternative treatments. What seems to work the best is Five Element Acupuncture. (Helps for a day or a few days.) Breema. (Gives an amazing sense of health and wholeness beyond the struggles of this human self). And Vortex Healing. (Energization and removing pathogens.)
And I have also found different forms of inquiry to be very helpful. (The Work of Byron Katie, Kiloby inquiry, Headless experiments, Big Mind process, and so on.)
UPSIDES
There are also upsides. It has been an invitation for exploration and transformation. It’s an invitation to find my value independent of my resume or activities in the world. To be more authentic and transparent. To find value in rest. To find the gift in asking for and receiving help. And so on.
In many ways, CFS is an invitation to examine and see through many of the assumptions in our society and find what’s more true for us.
It can bring a correction to some of the lopsidedness of our current civilization. (Including valuing people according to their resume or activities, valuing doing over resting, and so on.)
This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be made into a regular article in time.
FORGIVENESS
Why would I want to forgive? For me, the answer is that it feels better.
Does forgiveness mean not having boundaries? Not at all. Forgiveness and boundaries go hand in hand.
How can I find forgiveness?
One answer is specific approaches like understanding, heart-centered practices (tonglen, ho’o, metta), inquiry like The Work of Byron Katie, and so on.
Another answer is more general. I find it through finding forgiveness for myself. The more I can forgive myself, and live in that forgiveness, the more I can find forgiveness for others.
Is it easy? Not necessarily. Wounds can go deep, and wounds make it difficult to find genuine forgiveness. Healing opens up for forgiveness. Those two too go hand in hand.
SEPTEMBER 1, 2023
BRAIN FOG
How do I experience the brain fog?
It has several aspects.
It feels like cotton in and around my head.
It makes it difficult to remember.
It makes it difficult to take in information. (And my brain gets tired quickly.)
It makes it difficult to process information.
It makes it difficult to string words together and communicate.
In general, the more drained and exhausted my system is, the less energy there is for my executive cognitive functions. (Thinking, talking, making decisions, intentionally relating to what’s coming up, etc.)
It really seems that life wants to experience brain fog through and as me these days.
The baseline brain fog is from the onset of CFS in my teens, following a mono-infection.
When the CFS dramatically worsened 10-15 years ago, following severe and long-lasting pneumonia, it got a lot worse. My memory got a lot worse after Covid last year. (Teflon brain.)
And I suspect severe Lyme some years ago and septic shock last summer also play a role.
Vortex Healing is surprisingly effective for a range of things: energization, emotional issues (can take time if it’s deep and woven into networks of related issues), clearing spaces, and more.
One of the things it’s often very effective for is infections.
When I had just started on my Vortex Healing journey, there were a couple of times when I got a strong influenza at very inconvenient times. (Once, the day before my flight from London to Oslo.) I contacted a senior healer, received a session, went through the typical symptoms in a few hours, and came out on the other side. For me, flus typically takes at least a week to go through the full cycle, and VH seemed to speed up the whole process dramatically.
I experienced that again a couple of days ago. I got Covid. It was moderately strong with periods of 40 Celsius fevers. I contacted a Vortex healer who gave me a five-hour (!) session, I went through a quick succession of symptoms during and shortly after the session. And woke up later that morning feeling much lighter and free of fever and most of the acute symptoms. (The remaining symptoms may have to do with the die-off of the virus – headache and brain fog – and these cleared up too.)
Without VH, I would expect it to last 5-7 days, and in this case, it ended immediately after the session. I am still recovering since it did hit me pretty strongly, and my system is already weak from CFS, but I clearly don’t have Covid anymore.
This is obviously not medical advice. And I and any responsible Vortex Healer will always tell you to get medical attention if you need to and follow the advice and treatment plan of your doctor. But it doesn’t hurt to try. I have had consistently good results with VH for infections over more than eight years now. (It also helped me get rid of an apparently chronic Epstein-Barr in my kidneys and a Lyme infection.)
That said, Covid-19 is a bit unusual when we work on it using Vortex Healing. Most infections require one or two sessions (one or two hours). C-19 can require a lot more than that. It seems to multiply very quickly and have an unusually strong “desire” to survive. Some VH practitioners have more experience and a more effective approach than others.
Also, why don’t I work on it myself? Why ask another healer? The main reason is that when I have an infection, I often don’t feel I have the capacity to channel much so it’s easier for me if someone else can do it.
This is one of the many things I suspected was connected with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), and I later realized is a common symptom.
EYESIGHT AND FATIGUE
My eyesight is strongly affected by how my system is doing in general.
If I am rested, my eyesight is good. I see relatively well both at a distance and close up.
And if my system is tired, my eyesight can be dramatically worse. I see double. I have trouble seeing clearly at a distance, and sometimes even closer up.
On a typical day, my eyesight may be good in the morning, and noticeably worse in the late afternoon and evening.
This means that if my sight is checked by an eye doctor, they may get dramatically different results depending on how I am doing when they do the tests.
EYE EXERCISES
I am also reminded of an eye-related story.
I used reading glasses in my teens and early twenties. In my mid-twenties, I started doing weekly Feldenkrais classes. And in one class, focusing on the eyes, I had a moment of strong discomfort in and around my eyes. (Some may call it an emotional or energetic release, but I don’t know.) A couple of weeks later, I sat on my glasses. When I went to the eye doctor to have my eyes checked for new glasses, she said: “Your sight is perfect, you don’t need glasses”. I asked if eyesight can improve over time, and she said: “No, that never happens”.
After this, I explored different approaches to training the eyes, including the Bates method. (I especially enjoyed “Natural Vision Improvement” by Janet Goodrich.) I did the eye exercises daily for a while, and have done them on and off for many years now.
It’s been a while since I have shared formal inquiry explorations here, including The Work of Byron Katie, so I thought I would restart that. (I used to write a lot more explorations.)
STATEMENT & SITUATION
Statement: My body shouldn’t be so tired.
Situation: Lying on the sofa five minutes before an inquiry session. (The Work on Zoom.)
INQUIRY
1. Is it true? Yes, in that situation it feels true.
2. Can you know for certain if it’s true? No, I cannot know for certain.
3. What happens when you believe that thought?
I feel extra tired. I notice the symptoms of tiredness. The tiredness comes to the forefront. It feels overwhelming. A part me of wants to cancel. I imagine others judging me. I judge myself. I see myself in the session unable to follow the question and inquiry. I see myself not being able to talk clearly and coherently. I see images of the facilitator judging me. I feel ashamed. I feel I am to blame. I tell myself I could have prevented it (through more resting, different food, taking more herbs). I blame myself for not being “more perfect” in how I take care of myself, especially the last days. I compare myself with others and how I used to be, and how I imagined I would be. I see them as energetic and active, and myself lying here unable to even do inquiry.
4. Who would you be without that thought? How would you be if you were unable to think that thought in that situation?
I notice myself as whole. I am curious about the inquiry and what will come out of it. I am looking forward to the inquiry. I notice excitement. I notice my thoughts and words come from more clarity. I feel lighter.
Turnarounds
TA1: My body should be so tired.
(a) It is. That’s how life unfolds. There are likely innumerable causes for it, and I am aware of only a tiny fraction. It’s how the whole of the universe moves locally here.
(b) It helped me do this inquiry. I had initially planned to do another one, and noticing the tiredness and this thought shifted me to do this inquiry.
(c) It has helped me do a lot of inquiry into identities, identifications, beliefs, and so on. It’s helped me examine the beliefs in my culture around this, as they are here in my own mind.
(d) It has helped me be more real with others.
(e) It has helped me understand and accept others as they are, especially if they have health challenges, and also more in general.
TA2: My thinking shouldn’t be so tired.
(a) I notice that unexamined thinking makes me feel tired, and when I examine and find what’s more true for me, I feel more clear, lighter, and engaged. I often find energy.
(b) The “should” thoughts are old and worn out. They are old and tired, in that sense.
TA3: My body shouldn’t be so energetic.
(a) I had sorted and organized earlier in the day and got into a slight adrenaline rush. I surfed on adrenaline, which is likely why I felt tired in the hour before the session. I am aware of this, and counteract it with rest and slowing down, but there is room for improvement.
(b) Also, looking at this thought makes it even more clear that the two complementary thoughts – my body shouldn’t be so tired / my body shouldn’t be so energetic – are both thoughts. They are literally imaginations.
REFLECTIONS
I did this inquiry during the session, and it was very helpful. I found a lot more than I wrote down here.
In the past, question three and the turnarounds were the most interesting to me, and I often couldn’t find so much with question four. These days, it seems that question four is the most powerful one. In this case, sitting in it felt rich and transforming.
I haven’t done The Work in a structured way for a while, and with a facilitator, so it feels good to come back to it. It feels more fresh and real, and something has shifted. (Especially really enjoying question four and what comes up there.)
I was saying to the disease: I know you are here and I have accepted your presence, but I am still going ahead with this work. To start it I have to make it as intimate as possible.
As soon as it got complex, I stopped. I wanted to stay close to the song, to sing it. So I was turning my disease into a song.
The disease taught me a lot. The greater the experience, the deeper the simplicity. Time is the most complex part of that simplicity.
– Keith Jarrett from the documentary “The Art of Improvisation”, 2005
In this quote, Keith Jarrett talks about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and how it helped him simplify and become more intimate with the music. He didn’t stop making music, he changed his relationship with making music.
I love what he says here. It mirrors how my relationship with spiritual practice shifted when my CFS dramatically worsened some years ago. I also had to simplify and become more intimate with it.
For instance, basic meditation is to notice and allow what’s here. Instead of intentionally noticing and allowing, I shifted into something more simple and intimate. I notice that what’s here in my field of experience is already noticed and allowed. It’s already allowed. (By space, mind, life, existence.) It’s already noticed by consciousness before any conscious noticing. I align with what is already here instead of trying to manufacture anything or achieve something through effort. It may not look like a very big shift, and yet it makes all the difference. And it is more closely aligned with reality.
I was aware of and explored this difference long before this happened, but the CFS motivated me to be more simple and intimate in this noticing, and more diligent in finding the most simple and effortless way to notice.
And that’s happened in other areas of life as well, including in my connections with others. I have had to drop a lot of pretense and facades and be simple and more intimate, especially in my more close relationships.
It’s quite common for folks who get into healing and spirituality to hold onto simplistic views for safety.
We hold onto it to try to find some distance from the discomfort we are experiencing, created by deeper, more visceral, and stressful beliefs and identities.
PHYSICAL HEALTH AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES
One of these simplistic ideas is that our physical health challenges are created by our emotional issues.
I have this illness, so it must be created by an emotional issue. Working on that issue is the answer.
The reality is often far more complex. What happens locally is the result of movements within the larger whole. The small things we think we grasp are drops in the bucket of what’s actually going on. Innumerable things influence our health and our emotional issues are just one of those.
Yes, it makes sense to explore that aspect of it and see what happens. Most of the time, it won’t hurt, and it may help.
And it also makes sense to recognize that innumerable factors influence our health. Our health is an expression of what’s happening in far larger and more complex systems.
HOLDING ONTO SIMPLISTIC VIEWS FOR SAFETY
Holding onto views, identities, and stories for safety is inherently stressful.
I find it helpful to identify these and explore them.
What is the story? And some underlying and supporting stories?
What do I hope to get out of holding onto it? A sense of safety? Predictability? Having answers?
What happens when I hold onto it? In this case, do I overly narrow my options for how to explore and view my own health? Do I apply it to others and tell them their physical health issues are held in place by emotional issues? How does it impact my relationship with myself and others?
What’s the genuine validity in the reversals? Is it true that my physical health may have other causes as well? Or that the main cause could be something else?
How would it be to hold the initial story more lightly? How would it be to explore the emotional components and see what happens? And also explore other avenues? (Including finding more peace with my health and body as it is?)
WE ALL DO IT
In one way or another, we all hold onto overly simplistic views for safety. It’s what we humans seem to do, at least so far.
And, in reality, any view, identity, and story are overly simplistic.
Any mental representation is different in kind from what they are about. (Unless they happen to be about mental representations.) The terrain is always different from and far more than any map.
What we think we grasp is a tiny part of what’s there, no matter what it’s about.
And what we think we grasp tends to change over time. It’s provisional. It’s not final or absolute.
Some years ago, my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) shifted into a more severe phase. That meant I had to find an easier way to do many things in life.
How can I do this in a way that’s more comfortable? Require less energy? Take my situation into consideration? Is kind to me and hopefully others?
Here are some examples.
FINDING MY VALUE
I have explored and found my value independent of my actions and activities in the world. Before this happened, I put at least some of my value on my actions and what I produced. (After all, I am a child of the western culture where this is a feature.) Where is my value if all I can do is rest? If I cannot produce or do much?
One answer is that we see a baby as having value, and they mostly eat, poop, and make sounds. If a baby has value, why is that not the case with me and anyone else independent of age and production?
Another answer is in noticing my nature, and that the world to me happens within and as what I am. Here, nothing is missing. It’s complete as it is.
And yet another answer lies in examining any stressful thoughts around lack and finding what’s genuinely more true for me. (As I did for several years through The Work of Byron Katie.)
ASKING FOR HELP
I learned to ask for help.
Before this, I took pride in not asking much for help and created an identity around it.
After this happened, I had to ask for help. And it helped me soften that identification and see the value and beauty both in receiving and giving and in allowing others to give. (Especially as long as they feel free to say no.)
I am not doing this perfectly, whatever that means, but I am exploring and learning.
FINDING A YES OR NO BY NOTICING MY BODY’S RESPONSE
I have learned to find a more genuine yes and no, not only through inquiry but also by noticing my body’s response.
For instance, if I am wondering whether to do an activity or not, I can say to myself: I can choose to do this or not, and I chose to do it. And then notice my body’s response. Does it relax? Does it sigh in relief? Then I say to myself: I can choose to do this or not, and I choose not to. And again notice my body’s response.
The genuine yes is reflected in my body relaxing, in a sigh of relief. Sometimes it’s a yes to the activity, and sometimes it’s a no to the activity.
(How does this work? It may be because the more unfiltered and honest part of my mind is intimately connected with my physical body. Or more accurately, because any tension in my mind is reflected in tension in my physical body, and tension always happens when we are not completely honest with ourselves.)
FINDING ESSENTIAL NEEDS AND MOTIVATIONS
What are some of my surface wishes and motivations? Taking one of them, what do I hope to get out of it? And what do I hope to get out of that? And that? What’s the most essential wish and motivation behind it? How can I give that to myself? In life? How is it to give it to that part of me here and now, within myself? (From Adyashanti.)
This is another way to simplify my life. On the surface, I have innumerable wishes and motivations. And when I trace them back to their essence, I find just a few and perhaps really just one.
This helps me prioritize and find and give myself what I really wish for and need.
It also helps me differentiate my genuine needs and motivations, and the strategies I use to find and give it to myself. It helps me explore a variety of ways to give it to myself. (NVC.)
For instance, I may have a surface wish for money. When I trace it back, I find it’s more essentially a wish for safety. Can I offer a sense of safety to the part(s) of me that wish for safety? Can I find ways to feel safer in life? (I can also explore ways to be a good steward of my life in terms of finances. What are some ways to have more stable finances? What are some ways to have a little more money in my life?)
I may have a surface wish for ice cream. When I trace it back, I find it’s more essentially a wish for love, comfort, and enjoyment, and even more essentially love. Can I give love to those parts of me wishing for love? Can I give comfort to the parts wishing for comfort? Can I give enjoyment to my inner community? Can I find ways to give this to myself in life? (And I can, of course, still eat ice cream if I wish.)
SIMPLIFYING MY LIFE
I have always loved simple living, and leading simple living groups was part of my actual job for a while. CFS has encouraged me to simplify even more.
What can I prune in my life? What can I say no to? (Which is a yes to me.) What drains energy? What do I really enjoy? What gives me a boost? What’s worth spending energy on, even if it has a cost?
What has life pruned for me? And can I join in with it? Can I find where it’s a genuine gift?
FINDING PEACE WITH SAYING NO
Like many in my culture, I have been programmed to think I should say “no” as little as possible. A part of me wants to please others to avoid discomfort. I should answer calls. I should say “yes” if I am invited somewhere.
So I have had to explore this and find more peace with saying no, and sometimes really enjoy saying no.
As Byron Katie says, a genuine “no” is a yes to me. Right there, I find more peace with it and even joy.
I see the benefits of learning to say no. It helps me take care of myself and my health. It helps me prune away activities (and sometimes people) that don’t feel right to have in my life. It leaves room for what’s more enjoyable, nourishing, and meaningful. I find that the space itself is enjoyable, nourishing, and meaningful (!).
Feeling free to say a genuine yes or no is easier through good communication and some education. I am working on being better at explaining my situation to people in my life. The more they understand, the easier it is for all of us to have our needs met. We can more easily find strategies that work.
FINDING AND GIVING TO MYSELF WHAT’S NOURISHING
What’s deeply nourishing for me?
In my case, I find it’s a wide range of things and activities.
Bone broth (!) is deeply nourishing for my body and thus for all of me. Whole food low on the food chain is typically the same. (I find refined foods draining.) Warm herbal tea, and sometimes spice tea, is often nourishing, along with dark miso broth.
Nature and being in nature is deeply nourishing for me. (It can be just sitting in a garden, enjoying the sun, clouds, wind, chirping birds, the sound of the wind in the trees, and so on.)
Some relationships are deeply nourishing, especially at certain times.
This type of exploration is nourishing to me, when I have the energy.
Some input – podcasts, interviews, articles, videos, movies, and music – is nourishing for me, at the right time.
Breema is deeply nourishing for me, whether it’s receiving, giving (when I have enough energy), or doing Self-Breema.
Receiving Vortex Healing for energizing is deeply nourishing for my system. It especially helps if I feel very drained or in a crash.
MORE EASE IN THE EXPLORATIONS: BASIC MEDITATION AND MORE
I used to put extra effort into my meditation practice, whether it was training a more stable attention, noticing my nature, or something else. In my teens and twenties, I would often meditate or hours at a time. I would go fully into the Tibetan Ngöndro practice. I would practice as if my hair was on fire, as they say in Buddhism. I found I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to find an easier and simpler way.
What was this easier way? I have mostly focused on basic meditation, noticing and allowing what’s here, and noticing that any content of experience is already noticed and allowed. By noticing what’s already here, I scale back the effort to the essentials.
I found that the essence of the Headless experiments is also helpful since that too is about noticing what’s already here.
Also, I kept some simple heart-centered practices like tonglen and ho’oponopono.
And I have, in periods, done simple forms of inquiry like the Big Mind process, and The Work of Byron Katie, the Kiloby/Living inquiries.
INQUIRY AND HEART-CENTERED PRACTICES
Inquiry and heart-centered practices help me find more ease.
Stressful stories are only partially true and my system is spending a lot of energy maintaining them and reacting to them. Identifying and examining these stories, and finding what’s more genuinely true for me, opens up space for more ease and presence. I find The Work of Byron Katie and the Kiloby/Living inquiries most helpful for this.
Heart-centered practices shift how I relate to anything – discomfort, myself, others, situations, life, and more. (And really, my images of all of these.) They help me shift from seeing them as enemies, struggling with them, and so on, to genuinely befriending them and perhaps even finding genuine gratitude for them. This too opens up space and opens up for more ease and peace with what is. The practices I am most familiar with are tonglen, ho’oponopono, and the Jesus/Heart prayer.
FINDING WHAT I AM
Finding what I am helps me find an essential simplicity.
In the world, I am this human self in the world. That’s not wrong.
Is that also what I am in my own first-person experience? I find I more fundamentally am capacity for the word as it appears to me, for any and all content of experience. I am what the world, to me, happens within and as.
And here, there is an essential simplicity. It’s the simplicity that allows and takes the form of all the richness of experience. It’s what’s free of tension and stress, and is free to take the form of what a thought may label tension and stress.
THE NATURE OF MY EXPERIENCES IS THE SAME AS MY OWN NATURE
This is perhaps a bit obscure and marginal for most but important to me.
When I experience discomfort, the habitual response in my system is to react to it. To try to push it away. Distract myself from it, often by going into compulsions. Make it go away, sometimes by healing and transforming it away. And so on.
My system responds as if it’s “other”. As if it’s a kind of enemy or problem. As if is a foreign element.
In reality, I am capacity for it. It happens within and as what I am.
Noticing this, and resting in that noticing, helps to shift out of this pattern. And that too gives more of a sense of ease and peace. It initially takes a bit of effort, and it really frees up a lot of energy tied up in the struggle from the old habitual response.
How do I do that? The easiest for me is to remind myself of my headlessness, notice my nature directly, and then notice and rest in the noticing of the nature of (what my thoughts label) the discomfort.
INVITED TO BE MORE SINCERE AND THOROUGH
Very little of this was new to me. These were all things I have explored since my teens or twenties. But the more severe phase of the CFS invited me to be more sincere and thorough in the exploration of all of it. Life created a kind of boundary for me and I needed to go deeper within that boundary. I could get away with less. I couldn’t so easily get away with being approximate and sloppy. I needed to be more sincere and precise.
It almost goes without saying, but a part of this sincerity is to find what’s genuinely true for me. Tricking myself doesn’t work since a part of me (all parts, really) know what’s going on. It has to be genuine to have any value.
OFTEN MESSY
By writing it like this, it can look as if I have it all sorted.
The reality is far more messy and human. I am not by any means perfect in any of this, whatever we imagine “perfect” means. I am winging it. I am learning a few things as I go along, often slowly. I forget and then remember again. I have a lot of issues and traumas that sometimes obscure and confuse any clarity that’s here. I don’t have any final or full answers. And as with most of these posts, I am writing this as a reminder to myself. As an invitation to myself to bring it alive here and now and explore it further.
It’s all very much a work in progress. And an adventure.
Note: What I have written here applies to some extent to many forms of chronic illness. This includes different forms of long-covid, some of which are similar to CFS. Long-covid is a post-viral disease and CFS is often a post-viral disease.
I have Chronic Fatigue (CFS) so I have become quite familiar with how my system functions when it has less energy.
Here are a few things I notice:
LESS ENERGY FOR ACTIVITIES
Predictably, I have less energy to do things. I need to rest more. I need to rest before, during, and after most activities.
I also find that some activities many see as restful take more energy than many seem to suspect. This includes conversations, sitting, watching movies, and listening to words or music. For me, it’s very noticeable how much energy these activities require, and I often cannot do it for very long.
This also happens with physiological stress, for instance when the weather is very hot or cold. I notice how this too takes a lot of energy, and there is less left for anything else.
LESS ENERGY TO REGULATE MIND AND BODY
In general, it seems that my system needs energy to regulate itself well. When my energy level goes down, my system struggles with regulating mind and body. Said another way, it prioritizes survival and energy saving. It goes into low-power mode.
My thoughts don’t work as well. I have trouble thinking, planning, remembering, and making (good) decisions. The executive functions suffer, probably because they – for my system – become less of a priority in these situations. Water, food, and rest are primary. Thinking is less important.
My mind tends to project the current state to the future. When I look at images of the future, I see myself with similar low energy. And joining in and fueling it fuels anxiety, worry, and concern.
I get more irritable. I get more sensitive to sounds and noise. If I need to eat, drink, or rest, I tend to get impatient with anything that’s in the way.
My cravings get stronger, especially for sugar. This is not so surprising since sugar gives a quick energy fix, and in an emergency, sugar does help a bit. (It’s obviously not a long-term solution.)
My vision gets blurry and I start seeing double. It dramatically worsens compared to when my energy level is better.
My body seems to have trouble regulating body temperature. I am often unusually hot, especially at night, and sometimes freezing cold – in a way that’s out of proportion with the ambient temperature.
It’s ironically more difficult to get good quality rest and sleep. The more exhausted my system is, the worse my rest and sleep tend to be. It’s difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep, and the sleep I get is not refreshing.
WHAT HELPS
So what’s the remedy?
The short-term remedy is water, food, rest, and staying well within my energy budget.
Doing what feels genuinely right for me helps my system not use too much energy. While going against my guidance drains my energy. Following an honest “yes” or “no” is essential for not crashing. (I sometimes do a quick check. I say to myself “I can do X, and I chose to do it” and notice how my body responds. I then say “I can do X, and I chose not to” and notice how my body responds. One will typically give a sense of relief and peace, and the other tension. And whether that’s the yes or no depends on the situation.)
Asking for help. I ask for help with practical things from family, friends, or paid help. (I trust people to say no if it doesn’t work for them.) And when necessary, I ask for Vortex Healing energizing since that is often quick and effective.
I help myself get out of fueling stressful stories. I recognize unhelpful mental patterns and decide to set it aside. I focus on the physical sensations. I examine the stories and see where they come from. (Learned from family and society, fueled by a sense of lack in myself.) And sometimes, I just find an enjoyable distraction for a while to help me shift out of old patterns.
Some herbal remedies nurture and support the deeper energy levels in my body, especially some adaptogens. Bone broth seems to fill up deep energy reserves in my body. Eating low on the food chain and fresh and seasonal food helps my system in general, as does avoiding or minimizing certain foods. (For me, anything processed, dairy, wheat, and sugar. Although I do eat some of this sometimes, and sometimes it even gives me a boost.)
Breema nourishes, balances, and energizes. I find a sense of wholeness and my relationship to life shifts. This happens whether I do Self-Breema, or receive or give Breema bodywork.
Vortex Healing also balances and energizes, although in a different way. Vortex Healing energization tends to help a lot, although it needs to happen frequently since it seems that my system is unable to hold energy for very long. I find it’s also important to bring up the constitutional energy of my energy channels and organs, especially the kidneys.
And it’s always helpful to examine anything in my psychology that’s an energy drain. I especially pay attention to what issues seem to give me a feeling of weakness, hopelessness, or energy drain when triggered and explore those. In general, the more I can genuinely befriend what’s here, the easier it is. That tends to happen when I examine and get to know the parts of me struggling with what’s here. And also when I examine any stressful stories my system holds as true and find what’s genuinely more true for me.
A little over a decade ago, a friend introduced me to it and I was instantly hooked, started including it in my daily life, and did the training.
WHAT IS TRE ABOUT?
All mammals naturally shake after stress. It’s a built-in mechanism to help us prevent longer-lasting trauma, and we see it antelopes after being chased by a lion, a cat after waking up from anesthesia, and in many more situations.
We also have this mechanism built into our system, but most of us don’t make use of it. Likely because our culture tells us that shaking and trembling is a sign of weakness or of losing control, or people don’t understand it and scare themselves with their stories about it. Early in our lives, most of us learn that spontaneous shaking & trembling is no good. We learn to hold it back and suppress it.
This spontaneous shaking and tremoring is also called neurogenic tremoring. (Initiated by the nervous system.)
WHAT IS TRE?
TRE is a set of simple exercises that helps us get in contact with this natural trembling mechanism. The first helps warm up the feet, ankles, and legs. The second and third fatigues the calves and thighs. The fourth stretch the legs. And the fifth and sixth invite in the trembling. There is an official TRE app that takes you through these exercises.
That said, it’s best to learn it with a certified facilitator, especially if you have a history of trauma. It can be done in person or over video conferencing if you don’t have a facilitator nearby.
HOW DOES IT WORK?
The simple answer is that the trembling initiated by our system helps release tension from our tissues. It’s a kind of natural internal massage. And since our system is a whole that we only in thought can divide into psyche and body, this helps release both physical and psychological tension.
This does not only take the form of trembling and shaking. Our system releases tension in many ways, including crying, laughing, sounds, spontaneous stretching, bouncing, and so on, and all of that can and often does happen in a TRE session.
A CAVEAT FOR US DUMB HUMANS
If we allowed this spontaneous tension-release shaking and trembling from early childhood on, we wouldn’t accumulate nearly as much tension as many of us do over the years and decades.
Since many of us have accumulated a lot of tension, we need to progress with some care when it comes to this neurogenic tremoring. It’s good to have the guidance of someone more experienced, for instance, a certified facilitator. It’s good to do only a very few minutes at first to see how our system responds and we get familiar with it. And if we have trauma in our system, it’s good to work with a therapist as well in this process.
IS IT A MIRACLE CURE?
Yes and no.
It’s effective in releasing tension, whether we think of this tension as primarily psychological or physical.
It’s very simple and natural. We are just making use of the natural trembling mechanism of our bodies.
It’s easy to do in daily life, even if it’s just a few seconds or minutes at a time.
At the same time, it may not be enough to deeply and thoroughly find healing for trauma. Sometimes, we also need a more psychological and social approach.
My personal favorite is a combination of heart-centered approaches (ho’oponopono, tonglen) and different forms of inquiry that focuses on the more basic elements in us creating the trauma. (More basic than the often stressful conventional story level.)
HOW DO I USE IT?
So how do I use neurogenic tremoring?
Since I have done this for a while now, it’s easy for me to initiate the tremoring. I intentionally start tremoring, and my body takes over and does it more spontaneously.
I typically do it for some seconds or a few minutes at different times during the day, whether sitting, standing, or lying down. And through tensing and relaxing different parts of the body, and placing my body in different positions, I can invite the tremoring to go to different parts of my body.
When it comes to the positions, I find that standing helps the trembling move through the whole body. It allows the shaking to move through my skeleton, and it gives me a sense of grounding and strength. Sitting towards the front of a chair with my back free invites shaking and release in the upper body, including the shoulders, arms, neck, and jaw. And lying down in the final exercise position helps the trembling happen in the hip area and it helps with relaxation and letting go.
This doesn’t mean the exercises are not useful and don’t play a role. When I do the exercises, I notice the tremoring goes deeper and into new areas.
In general, I experience it as an enjoyable, natural, and fluid process that’s relatively effortlessly woven into daily life. During a session, the trembling naturally goes in cycles with some periods of rest. And in my life, I notice the same type of cycles. In some periods, I do it more often, and in other periods less often. That too seems to have a natural rhythm.
TRE & CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME
Neurogenic tremoring helps my general health and well-being.
And it also seems to free up more energy for my system to use for healing and daily life.
My system uses energy to maintain tension. Tension binds energy. So releasing this tension frees up energy for other tasks, including healing and daily life living.
That, in itself, is sufficient for explaining why TRE helps with my general health and the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS).
When it comes to CFS, we know it’s typically initiated by an infection. And there may be more factors at play, for instance, a combination of genetic predisposition and stress.
It’s also possible to speculate beyond this. For instance, is CFS also connected to a kind of chronic freeze or collapse response? It may be a part of the puzzle, but I don’t know. In my case, it does fit since one of my patterns from early in life is to freeze. (In some situations, I would go into a freeze response since flight or fight were not available to me.) One step further than freeze is collapse, and acute CFS does feel like a kind of collapse.
I have been using bone broth off and on for the last couple of decades after I shifted from a vegetarian to a flexitarian diet.
Bone broth is one of the things I have found that significantly and consistently improves my health and well-being. It helps with my energy level, digestion, cravings, and the CFS.
(Other things that help with my general well-being and energy levels are: good sleep, drinking plenty of water – often in the form of herbal infusions, eating nourishing foods in general, eating and drinking regularly, eating with the seasons, some adaptogenic herbs, Vortex Healing energizing, Breema, and generally learning to understand and follow the signals of my body.)
I started again with bone broth last week, after some months without taking it, and it’s easy to notice how it nourishes my body and fills up deeper layers of my energy system.
I notice the familiar difference between chicken broth and beef broth. Beef broth fills up deeper layers of my system. (I am sure this is different for different people. I am often drawn to the stronger medicine.)
Bone broth helps my digestion in an amazing way. My digestive system is much more stable and seems better able to deal with a range of foods.
I notice how I am less drawn to meat when I have bone broth. The ideal diet for my system seems to be bone broth from beef and otherwise eating low on the food chain. Ironically, bone broth makes it easier for me to eat a more vegetarian diet.
And I notice how cravings – for sugar and other less-than-healthy foods – go away when I have bone broth daily. I even have a slight aversion to those foods, likely because my system is more balanced and nourished.
I should mention that I have tried bone broth powder. It has some effect but not even close to the bone broth I make myself.
I typically cook beef bones for two or three days on low heat in a slow cooker, with some vinegar to draw out the nutrients. (Update: I now started to use a pressure cooker, and it seems a good time is 15-20 hours to get the nice dark golden color.)
There is another side to this. One of my issues in life is not feeling deeply nourished – both psychologically and physically. So the deep nourishment that comes from bone broth seems especially helpful and important to me. That’s also why I am drawn to practices like Breema that have a deeply nourishing quality.
Note: The photos above are from beef bone broth cooked 15-20 hours in a pressure cooker. It’s smooth, rich, delicious, and feels deeply nurturing.
Note 2: Gelatin powder has a similar effect to bone broth, although not quite as deeply and richly nourishing. I take neutral (unflavored) gelatin powder in hot water, often in the morning. It doesn’t quite replace bone broth, but it’s a nice emergency measure when traveling or when I run out of bone broth before having made a new batch.
This is another relatively obvious (?) and revisited topic:
One of the most important things for well-being and healing is to keep our system nourished and energized.
It doesn’t matter so much how we do it, we just need to find ways that work for us.
It could be nourishing food. Herbal medicine. Yoga. Tai chi. Chigong. Inner yoga. Being in nature. Rest. Dance. Exercise.
Personally, I find energizing through Vortex Healing the fastest and most effective, although it doesn’t replace the other approaches.
In what ways does it help to have a more energized system?
In my experience, it helps with… Sleep and rest. Processing anything – information, situations, and issues. Dealing with life situations and whatever comes up internally. Finding healing for emotional issues. Enjoyment and contentment. And much more.
I thought I would briefly address two specific anti-pandemic-measures views, and then mention a few general things.
Someone I know is strongly against wearing masks, with the rationale that they don’t work as well as some assume. Another is against taking the vaccine because it can have side effects.
I understand and see it differently. Perhaps because I have different priorities and may see it from a different perspective.
MASKS
Masks may not filter the air very well, and a lot of the air goes in and out in the gaps between the mask and the face.
At the same time, we all spit when we talk, and often more than we are aware of. (Look at some high-speed footage and it will be obvious.) And these drops easily transmit the virus, so it makes sense to wear a mask.
It’s low cost. It’s easy to put on. And it prevents droplet transmission.
VACCINES
It’s the same with vaccines. We know they have serious side effects for some. They don’t prevent illness in all cases. And some even contract the virus and die even if they are fully vaccinated.
We also know that serious side effects are very rare. (It’s far more dangerous to do a lot of the things most people happily do in daily life, like driving a car.) It does prevent serious illness, in the vast majority of cases. And the ones who die while being fully vaccinated are typically very old or have a serious pre-existing illness.
IF WE DON’T MASS VACCINATE
At a collective level, the alternative to mass vaccinations is not very attractive. If we don’t vaccinate and don’t maintain the social restrictions, we’ll have large numbers of people dying, full hospitals, and people turned away from hospitals who desperately need help.
If we don’t vaccinate and don’t want to overload our healthcare system, we’ll have to keep the social restrictions indefinitely and likely for years.
In both cases, the only end of the pandemic is when most people have been infected. And that means a large number of people dying. A large number of people with long-term effects following the infection. And new virus mutations which may well include some that are far more dangerous than what we have seen so far.
AS A MEMBER OF SOCIETY
At a personal level, as a member of society and humanity, I can choose to not vaccinate and be part of the group that delays a return to normal and puts us all at risk through continuing the pandemic and increasing the risk of dangerous mutations.
Or I vaccinate, and am part of bringing society back to normal, the pandemic to an end, and reducing the risk of dangerous mutations.
AT A PERSONAL LEVEL
Also, at a personal level, it’s understandable to be a bit hesitant about vaccines. I don’t take them unless I have a very good reason to do so. But with the new mutations (currently the delta variant), and with likely coming mutations, it’s too much of Russian roulette for me to not take the vaccine.
We will all eventually be exposed to the virus, and we’ll get infected unless our system happens to know how to deal with it. (And it will only know that from previous exposure, which is the purpose of vaccines.)
A significant portion of those infected will have long-lasting and sometimes serious effects from the infection.
And, mainly, I don’t want to be responsible for infecting others, including people who can get seriously sick and die.
NATURAL SELECTION AT WORK
If none of this is convincing, we may look at what’s happening in the world today.
The majority of those dying from covid (mostly the delta variant) are unvaccinated.
In a sense, we are seeing natural selection at work here. Of the two groups, those who choose to vaccinate and not to vaccinate, life is weeding out more people in the second group.
The virus doesn’t care about our ideology. And at the same time, from now on, the survival rate in the two groups will likely be quite different.
A FEW GENERAL NOTES
I see some vaccine skeptics say that the pro-vaccine people are driven by fear. I see as much fear in the anti-vaccine people. And it’s equally true that the pro-vaccine view is just epidemiology.
The measures we collectively use to deal with the pandemic – quarantine, isolation, social restrictions, vaccines – is what we collectively have arrived at through centuries of trials and errors.
We have seen what works, and that’s what we use to deal with the current pandemic. None of it is new or what someone came up with on the fly in response to this particular pandemic.
Also, we need to take a collective view on this. We need to look at what works best for us as a society and species. If I am personally inconvenienced, so be it. It doesn’t matter much as long as we, collectively, do the best we can.
If we take the vaccine, the risk is only our own. If we don’t, we put everyone at risk. Not taking the vaccine, unless it’s for valid medical reasons, is supremely selfish and short-sighted.
Some say that the RNA vaccines are not tested very well. It’s not accurate since they have been tested for two decades. The general vaccine is well known, it has just been programmed for this specific virus. See for instance this article from The Guardian.
Some have fringe ideas about the virus, remedies, and so on. That’s fine, but we cannot base public policies on fringe ideas. Public policies have to be based on science, and that’s fortunately mostly what we see in this pandemic. (Apart from leaders like Trump who disregard the science and the advice from epidemiologists, and we have seen the consequences of that approach.)
And finally, I assume many or most of the people who are anti-vaccine, or don’t like the standard epidemiological measures used in this pandemic, are the same who would be very happy to follow the advice of other medical specialists. If they have a heart problem, they go to a heart specialist. If they have a broken bone, they go to a doctor who can set it and help it heal. So in a pandemic, why not listen to epidemiologists? Why not follow the best practices established – often long ago – in epidemiology in dealing with pandemics, just as we follow best practices in other fields of medicine.
In general, the anti-vaccine view seems to come from (a) lack of understanding of epidemiology and lack of a historical perspective, (b) misunderstandings about the vaccine, and perhaps (c) a narrow me-first view instead of a collective view.
The more our system is energized, the better it’s able to deal with whatever life has in store. It’s better able to heal from physical issues. It’s more able to relax and get good rest and sleep. It’s better able to deal with life situations and its own emotional issues. And so on.
And when our system is drained of energy, and especially the deep energy, it’s easily overwhelmed, stressed, disorganized, and confused.
That’s why it’s important to energize our system.
How can we do it?
Here are a few things I have found helpful for myself.
Eating food my system works well on. For me, it’s eating lower on the food chain, and fresh, organic, and local foods when possible, and also minimizing or avoiding dairy, wheat, and refined sugar.
Old fashioned bone broth, in particular, seems to deeply nourish my system.
Certain herbs nourish my system. This includes many adaptogens and herbal teas from Stangeland.
Certain energy system- / body-centered practices energize and nourish my system. For instance chi gong, yoga, and Breema – which for me is deeply and softly nourishing.
I have found that Vortex Healing works surprisingly well in energizing and nourishing my system, perhaps more immediately and noticeably than any of the others. (Especially when I receive it from a top-level Vortex healer.)
And there is more.
For instance, the climate makes a big difference. For me, sunny, warm, and dry helps my health and energy level significantly, while cold and wet drains my energy.
Being in nature. Dance. Strength training. And, in general, using my body in nourishing and energizing ways.
And there is also the mind side. The more my life is meaningful, the more energized i tend to feel. And the more I have resolved any stressful beliefs and issues in ourselves, the more energy is freed up. (A surprising amount of energy can be tied up in chronic stress and tension.)
In general, it’s about finding what works for me, and I like to take a multi-faceted approach where I include whatever works and makes sense. And I don’t do all of these all the time, apart from essentials like diet.
I talked with a friend who has long-covid and she mentioned that she doesn’t feel so useful anymore.
We have infinite worth and value independent of what we can do in the world. Just by being, we have that infinite value.
And having a chronic or serious illness can help us learn and see things that can be infinitely valuable to ourselves, those close to us, and society as a whole. We are in a unique position to learn and discover certain things.
WHAT WE MAY DISCOVER FROM LIVING WITH CHRONIC OR SERIOUS ILLNESS
We may discover the importance in asking for help, and asking so others feel free to answer from an authentic yes or no.
We may discover the gift in allowing others to give. By asking for help, we allow others to give, and that can help them feel valuable. (If they do it from an honest yes.)
We may discover our intrinsic interdependence. Our human life wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for the lives of innumerable other humans and other beings, living now and in the past.
We may discover our own authentic yes and no, and find freedom in giving our yes or no.
We may find a more honest and authentic way of being with ourselves and living our life.
We may be more honest and vulnerable with those around us.
We may find the value in rest and taking care of ourselves.
We may find the value and richness in a simple life.
We may find a high quality of life within our current limitations.
We may discover that what we thought were our limitations are not.
And then some more….
We can identify and examine old identifies and beliefs that don’t fit anymore. We may have put our worth on what we could do, and when we can’t be as active anymore, where is our worth? Can I find value, worth, and meaning in my life as it is now?
We may turn to something beyond our human self. We may find a sense of belonging with family and friends, and nature and even all of existence. We may engage in different forms of spiritual practice.
We may find a more kind way of relating to ourselves, our experiences, and life. We may shift out of struggle and into befriending our experiences and life. (And that can mean we relate with more kindness to people in our life as well.)
AN INVITATION
None of this is inevitable. A lasting challenging situation can bring us deeper into struggle, grief, anger, resentment, blame, and so on, if that’s the direction we go. And we probably will go into some or all of that at different times in the process. That’s not wrong. It’s understandable and innocent. And through that struggle, we may see the consequences of that approach and that it doesn’t give us what we really want.
We may find there is another way. And if we live with a chronic or serious illness, or another limiting situation, there is an invitation there. An invitation for each of us to discover a more kind way, which may include some of the things listed here.
CHALLENING SITUATIONS AS A LABORATORY FOR HUMANITY
A chronic or serious illness, or other lasting challenging situations, is a laboratory for ourselves, as outlined above.
And it is, in a very real sense, a laboratory for humanity.
When we humans are in these situations, what do we discover? What insights can come from finding ourselves in this unique position? How can these insights help humanity as a whole?
MY OWN EXPERIENCE
I live with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and have had Lyme disease, so life put me in a situation where I was invited to discover this.
I have struggled, still do at times, and I have parts of me ready to engage in struggle at a moments notice.
At the same time, there is another part of me that wants to find a more kind way, and I explore that because it feels better.
Note: I am sharing what I discover on this website, so I am passing on my discoveries to humanity – at least to those who happen to find these articles. And I can also be better at asking for help. This blog costs money to maintain, and I have limited income due to my chronic illness, so if it gives you joy, donations are very welcome and received with gratitude. Use the link or the yellow donation button to the right. Thank you!
Some health care practitioners promise too much. They speak beyond what they can honestly speak about.
I haven’t noticed this with mainstream doctors or specialists, but I encounter it relatively often in the alternative world.
They say: “Do this and you’ll get much better” or “you’ll get completely well again”.
And my experience, so far, is that I follow their instructions and nothing happens or there is only a slight and temporary change.
Why do they promise too much?
It may be they see it as “medicine” to encourage a sense of optimism.
In reality, what happens may be that we get our hopes up, get disappointed, and feel tricked or deceived. At least, that’s what happened with me until I got used to this pattern and learned to anticipate it, and also learned to avoid practitioners who use this kind of language.
I much prefer practitioners who take a sober and honest approach. They may say: “Some people with your condition got better after doing this”. Or even better: “Let’s try and see what happens.”
Personally, I am much more inclined to trust practitioners who take a sober and grounded approach. They show that they are able to stay close to reality. And they don’t engage in trickery encouraging false hope.
In these pandemic days, some oppose the government rules and guidelines put in place to control the pandemic. (Fortunately, less in Norway than in some other countries.)
There are several things about that opposition that puzzles me.
Trusting experts
For instance, most of those opposed to these rules and guidelines are not epidemiologists. Why wouldn’t you trust someone who has spent their life studying what works in a pandemic? Why would you instead trust some random people on the internet?
If I have a health problem, I’ll trust a specialist in the medical profession, not some random person on the street. If I want a haircut, I’ll go to a hairdresser and not a fisherman. If I have trouble with my car, I’ll go to a mechanic and not a manicurist. If I want to build a bridge, I’ll go to an engineer and not a surgeon.
If I want to know what to do in a pandemic, I’ll go to an epidemiologist and not some random people on the internet.
These people who are so opposed to the pandemic rules and guidelines, do they go to a mechanic when they want a haircut? Do they go to a gardener when they have a serious health problem? Do they ask a nurse to fix the mechanical problem with their car? Do they go to a doctor to design a bridge?
If they don’t, why don’t they trust epidemiologists in a pandemic?
Opposing the guidelines because they are new and unfamiliar?
I also wonder if some of those who oppose the pandemic guidelines do so because the guidelines are unfamiliar to them. After all, these people likely follow a large number of other rules and guidelines put in place to protect us all and benefit society.
Most of them are probably happy to use a seat belt. Follow traffic rules. Pay their taxes. Avoid killing someone. Pay for the products they want in stores. And so on.
Society has a huge number of written and unwritten rules in place, and most are happy to follow them either because these rules are familiar, or also because they know these rules are in place to benefit all of us and so we can have a well-functioning society.
If this is so obvious, why do they still oppose the guidelines?
Both of these seem completely obvious. We go to experts to get something done, and we generally trust them. And we already follow a huge number of rules in society, so what do these temporary ones matter? After all, it’s only for a short period of time and they are put in place to protect us all.
I am not sure. Perhaps it’s because people are not used to thinking logically about things? Or that they prefer to engage in their reactivity rather than what’s more reasoned?
Real-life test cases
We also have real-life test cases, both from history and in the current epidemic.
From history, we know that masks, quarantine, lock-downs, and so on work.
And we see the same in the world today. The countries with leaders who largely minimized and ignored the advice from epidemiologists, like the US (Trump) and Brazil (Bolsonaro), have not fared well. While the countries that did follow the advice have largely done much better.
Reasonable discussion
Of course, there is a reasonable discussion to be had on these topics. For instance, I often think that the Norwegian government is strangely behind the science. They didn’t recommend masks until many months into the pandemic, and they still assume that young people are not very affected by the virus (in spite of a great deal of evidence to the contrary). It’s also clear that masks need to be close-fitting and high-quality to function properly, and that’s often left out in the discussion about masks.
There are many things open to reasonable discussion, although these tend to revolve around the details and the specifics, not the general benefit of masks, temporary lock-downs, and so on.
Epidemiologists know what works, and they agree on what works. So why not follow their recommendations? Why not follow the government recommendations when these largely follow the recommendations of epidemiologists?
We’ve been sort of chipping away at this [long COVID] by treating each symptom,” he says. “If it’s really true that at least 40% of people have significant recovery with a therapeutic vaccination, then, to date, this is the most effective intervention we have for long COVID.
Quite a few who have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) got it after an Epstein-Barr infection (mononucleosis), just like some got long-Covid following a Covid 19 infection.
Both are classic post-viral syndromes, so I wonder if an Epstein-Barr vaccine would help some of those CFS patients? Although most promising leads in medicine go nowhere, it would be worth testing.
Unfortunately, there is no approved vaccine for Epstein-Barr yet, but it may come. I assume it’s not a priority to develop this type of vaccine.
If this turns out to work for EB-related CFS, why would it? The trigger of CFS may be a low-grade chronic EB infection. So an EB vaccine may kick the immune system into better detecting and going after EB virus previously “invisible” to the immune system.
There are several connections between Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and the current Covid 19 pandemic, and I have written about it in previous posts. Here is a brief summary.
Long covid was predicted and predictable
CFS is also called a post-viral syndrome since it often follows a viral infection.
Those of us familiar with post-viral syndromes and CFS predicted that we would see many post-viral syndrome cases following the covid 19 infections.
There would be a pandemic within the pandemic. First, those who got acute covid 19 infections. And then, those with the post-viral syndrome and CFS following these infections.
I wrote about this a year ago, at the very beginning of the global pandemic.
Research into CFS & post-viral syndromes
The slight silver lining in this situation is that long-covid may lead to the medical field and governments taking post-viral syndromes and CFS, in general, more seriously. We may see the beginnings of this.
The main symptoms of long covid and CFS are the same: fatigue, PEM, and brain fog. Although there may also be some unique symptoms of long covid, including visible damage to the lungs and other organs.
A missed opportunity
The medical world has largely ignored CFS. It’s often not been taken seriously as a biological disease, and there has been minimal research into it.
That’s doubly unfortunate.
It’s unfortunate for those of us who have CFS and know it’s a real and serious disease.
And they missed a golden opportunity to be prepared for long covid.
We knew a pandemic would come and that we were on schedule for a new one.
And we knew that viral infections lead to a significant number of post-viral syndromes.
So why didn’t they take the opportunity to prepare by learning about CFS and possible causes and cures? Why didn’t they take the opportunity to nip the predictable current upsurge in post-viral cases in the bud?
In the coming decades, ignoring CFS will go down in medical history as an injustice to those with CFS. And also a missed golden opportunity to learn more about CFS before the predictable pandemic upsurge in people with post-viral syndromes AKA long covid.
This pandemic may be a triple pandemic. The first is the viral and medical pandemic. The second is the social cost. And the third is the large numbers of those with long covid.
If researchers and governments had the foresight, they could have prevented the third. Now, they are instead playing catch-up.
This is something I have written about since early in the pandemic as I feel it’s an often overlooked point.
When it comes to protecting ourselves against the C19 virus, an important factor is to reduce the viral load.
Sometimes, we may be able to avoid getting infected in the first place – through physical distancing, good hygiene, facemasks and so on.
And in case we do get infected, the same measures helps us reduce the viral load. The fewer viruses we get into our system, the better chance our system have to deal with it.
An infection with the new-to-humans C19 (corona, covid 19) virus may lead to chronic fatigue. Although Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) often comes after mononucleosis (Epstein-Barr virus), it can follow other infections which is why it’s sometimes is called a post-viral syndrome.
So in two or three years, we may see a significant increase in people with CFS. And although I don’t wish it for anyone, I also realize that this can come with some upsides. It can increase awareness of CFS in general. It can help increase acceptance of CFS as a serious biological illness. And it can spur more research into CFS and its causes and possible treatments and cures.
The pandemic has already had some upsides for people with CFS and other disabilities or chronic illnesses. It has opened up the world through increased use of virtual meetings, socializing, and public offerings (talks, concerts, performances). I personally am very grateful for that shift and feel more included.
NOTE: What we collectively think we know about the pandemic is changing all the time, and I am not a doctor or epidemiologist (although I did study it while in university). So what I have written about here is likely outdated when you read it and it’s not expert advice. They are just some reflections from my side.
The initial notes are on the top and the newer ones at the bottom. I chose to keep all to show changing views over time as the pandemic progressed.
Continued from previous posts…. These posts are collections of brief notes on society, politics, and nature. I sometimes include a few short personal notes as well.
Why I love science fiction
I have loved science fiction since I was little, reading Jules Verne, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, and others.
Why do I love it? Probably for the same reason as others love it.
It gives us an opportunity to think about different possibilities for the future. It highlights what can happen if we take different paths. It gives us visions for what’s possible – both of what we want and what we don’t want.
It mirrors back to us our own society, mindset, and worldview. It can show us ourselves by reversing roles – for instance by having humans treated as we treat other species. It’s a great setting for exploring different ethical dilemmas. And by setting the story in the future and/or another place in the universe, it creates a slight distance that makes this mirror more palpable to us than if it’s more direct, literal, and heavy handed
Science fiction may seem like an escape, and it often does have that element. And at the same time, it can be deadly serious – in showing us possibilities for the future, and showing us ourselves as we are now.
I thought I would briefly mention the guidelines I use for food.
Eat lower on the food chain. More vegetables, fruits, nuts, and berries. Less fish and meat.
Eat less processed foods. More whole foods. I tend to get the raw ingredients and make my own meals.
Eat local and organic when possible. When I am in California, that’s easy. When I am in Norway, a little more challenging.
Eat closer to how my ancestors ate. My more immediate ancestors lived in Northern Europe and ate grains (oats, barley), vegetables, berries in season, fish, and a little meat. In general, they ate with the seasons, and – obviously – local and organic food, and mostly lower on the food chain.
Follow my body. This is one of my main guidelines. Notice what happens when I eat certain foods, and when I leave certain foods out for a day or a few. Personally, I have discovered I do much better – physically and mentally – with less or no sugar and less or no dairy. I also seem to do much better with less or no yeast products, and less or no wheat and rice. So I mostly leave out all of these and only have a little now and then. I also seem to do much better on cooked food in the winter and fresh and raw food in the summer.
Good for the Earth. I keep this in the back of my mind as well and check my other guidelines against it. I already know that eating lower on the food chain, and local, organic, and with the seasons, is what’s generally best for the Earth and future generations. It’s best for me and my well beings, and generally best for the Earth as well.
Leave fads alone. There are all sorts of fads when it comes to food, both in popular culture and among nutritionists. These come and go. What’s left for me are the guidelines above – eat lower on the food chain, less processed food, and when possible local, organic, and with the seasons, and listen to my body.
Don’t be too strict with any of it. There is no need to take this too seriously or be too strict. I’ll have just about anything now and then, especially if it’s offered to me. The guidelines above are just that, guidelines, and probably influence about 80-90 percent of what I eat. At least when I make my own food.
In general these days, I eat mostly fruits, vegetables, nuts, and berries, with some occasional meat and fish, some occasional grain (the less common ones seem to work best for me), very rarely dairy, and rarely refined sugar. I tend to have a light breakfast (depending on my day), the main meal early afternoon, and I often don’t eat (or only have some fruit) in the evening. Most days, I do a mini-fast through the evening and night and until late morning or early afternoon. It would probably be good for me to do some intermittent fasting as well, for one or two days a week. I drink a lot of herbal and spice teas through the day, so my urine is pale or sometimes even clear. I also find that if I am in the high-healthy range for my BMI, I feel healthier. And I do enjoy food, and especially recipes that are simple, nourishing, and tasty. (One of my favorites is roasting vegetables in the oven, perhaps with a small amount of gourmet sausage – if possible local, organic, and free range.)
In nature, we are reminded of our larger ecological self. We are an expression of this living planet and its ecosystems, and in nature, we remember. We remember who we are.
And the same is the case when we look up at the night sky. We are the universe evolving into this living planet and us, and we remember. That’s one reason a dark night sky is so important.
Our species evolved in and as part of nature. Almost all of our ancestors lived in nature. It’s our natural habitat. It’s where we are home.
In nature, we more naturally connect with our physical body. We remember who we are. We are invited to shift out of our obsession with thinking and into sensing and feeling, and this in itself is a relief and healing.
Nature reminds us that the natural state is allowing and non-judgment. Nature allows all as it is. Nature doesn’t engage in value judgments. It doesn’t say that this straight tall tree is better than that crooked old one. And when we shift in that direction, that too is a relief and healing.
We learn a lot by being in nature. We learn how we respond to different situations. We learn to handle challenges. We learn nothing is personal.
In my experience, the more wild nature is, the more I benefit from all of this. And that’s one of many reasons why it’s not only important to preserve nature and ecosystems but to preserve the wild.
Of course, not all experience it this way. In nature, we are also faced with our own conditioning. We are faced with the beliefs and habits that – in our minds and experience – remove us from our body, ancestry, and nature. And that’s another benefit of being in nature. We get to see how we divorce ourselves from our larger self and who we are.
How do I experience chronic fatigue (CFS)? A few friends have asked me lately and I thought I would share my answer here as well.
The simplest way I have found to explain it is that it’s like having a flu without the fever, runny nose, or sore throat. It makes it hard to do much, exertion deepens the fatigue, and the brain is foggy. Sometimes, it’s like having a severe flu, sometimes it’s a little lighter. But it never goes away.
I experience the brain fog partly as a “cotton in the head” feeling and partly as a cognitive fatigue. It’s hard to take in complex information, and I get tired quickly when using the brain / mind.
There are additional symptoms, some of which are a bit weird. For instance, light and sound sensitivity. Temperature dysregulation (too hot or cold, or hot and cold at the same time, or cold sweat). Muscle tension and pain. Sleep problems (not anymore for me). Digestion problems and food sensitivities. Crashes if too much exertion, especially if combined with heat and/or lack of proper food. Feeling better in some climates (for me, warm and dry).
My best guess is that my CFS was triggered by a combination of a virus infection (Epstein-Barr), exposure to toxic mold, psychological stress, and perhaps more. When I initially got it, it was in my teens following mononucleosis a few months earlier, when I lived in a basement (mold), and had the usual teenage stress and angst. I got much better after high school when I was able to set my own schedule, make my own food, and engage in activities deeply meaningful to me. And then the CFS came back severely a few months after a pneumonia I never really recovered from, while again living in a moldy environment (Oregon), and stress from my life situation at the time.
It makes sense to approach it from a multitude of angles and to support and strengthen my system as much as possible. I have found a few things very helpful: Herbal medicine (mostly adaptogens), Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE), Breema bodywork, diet changes (minimize dairy, yeast, wheat, refined sugars, processed foods), mindfulness practices (natural rest, inquiry, heart-centered practices), spending time in nature, resting (do half of what I feel I can do), and energy work (Vortex Healing).
