Dream: Floating elevator

I am where the current chess tournament (Tata Steel) is held. It’s in a very large open space in an even larger building, like a hotel or conference building. I am with my wife and other people I know. They say we shouldn’t take the elevator because it can be difficult to stop and get out. My response is that they wouldn’t make elevators like that, so let’s take it. The elevator floats around inside the whole building and doesn’t stop anywhere long enough for us to leave it. I say, half-jokingly, that we can scream so people know we need help. Their response is that we can’t because there is a chess tournament here. I say: Yes, we can, watch. I scream, attract attention, and we get help. Later, Magnus Carlsen (the current chess world champion from Norway) comes over and was curious about what happened. I tell him, and he smiles.

The essence of this dream is the floating elevator. What does it represent?

Yesterday was the last day to sign up for the next Vortex Healing class for me (to get a discount), and I wasn’t sure if I would sign up. In the evening, I felt a lot going on energetically in and around my head, and a lot of pressure on certain areas of the head. I started feeling cooked, and it felt just like receiving a strong transmission in a VH class. I thought “it looks like I am supposed to be in that class”, and signed up.

When I checked internally what the floating elevator could represent, there was a clear and quiet “yes” from my inner guidance when I checked to see if it was connected with the upcoming VH class, for which the transmission already seems to have started for me (three weeks early). It’s not unusual that the transmissions to start before the class for me, perhaps because I need it more than most. (A system that’s impacted by decades of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and a chronic EB infection, perhaps combined with more-than-average developmental trauma.)

The work in my system from these transmission feels, in some ways, like being in an elevator floating around without stopping. And that’s also how the awakening process often have felt to me, long before I found VH.

Why floating without stopping? Because it is an ongoing process and I can’t see that there is any finishing line. And it’s floating because the world, this body, and everything is dreamlike in the sense that it’s happening within and as consciousness. There is no ground anywhere. In terms of identities or stories, there is also nowhere to metaphorically “land”, there is no story or identity that captures it or is close to having any final, full, or absolute truth to it.

Why a very large open building? Perhaps because that’s how I experience this body and my human self. It’s dreamlike, all consciousness. It’s spacious. It is as rich as the world.

Why a chess tournament? I am not sure. I have followed this particular chess tournament a bit, including for a few minutes before going to sleep, so that may be one reason.

Why Magnus Carlsen? Again, I am not sure. He is from Norway which is why I am slightly more interested in chess these days than my normal zero interest.

Why shouting? In my waking life, I often prefer to be anonymous and not seen (while I also wish to be seen), and I love silence and am often quiet as I go about my daily life. Shouting goes against this pattern and is healthy for me. Especially shouting at a chess tournament is going against my waking life pattern.

Perhaps that’s why this dream was set at a chess tournament. To make the shouting stand out even more.

Why did the others tell me not to enter the elevator? And why did I go against their advice? Hm. I have sometimes gone against my wife’s advice and then seen in hindsight that her advice made sense.

And still, in the dream, it turned out OK and more than OK.

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Dream: My inner fire

A firefox (kitsune) from Japanese mythology, envisioned by me and Midjourney (AI-generated image). This one has cat-like features since that’s what Merlina transformed into in the dream.

I find myself in London and in the place my (waking life) partner and cat live. They have both transformed and live on their own. The cat is larger and fully orange, almost like a mythological fox-cat being. My parter has bright orange hair and is younger. My partner is angry at me. She has to do something, and I go for a walk. I realize I forgot to make a note of the address, and get somewhat lost in the streets of London. I receive help from a few men who feel like friends. I remember I have my phone and that my partner’s phone number and address may in the contacts.

This feels like an especially important dream.

Being lost and disoriented has been a theme in my dreams for a while now. It comes from the dark night I have been through and feeling shattered and disoriented as if hit by a bus. Further back, it has its roots in leaving my inner guidance on a major life decision (when I got married the first time). And it may go even further back, to my childhood and not feeling completely grounded in love and acceptance.

I was initially a bit confused about this dream, although found something through active imagination. (A technique from depth psychology where I go back into the visuals of the dream, interact with the different elements, and ask questions and listen for the answers.)

Using active imagination, Merlina (the cat) said she was my inner fire, my animal fire. Similarly, my partner said she was my feminine fire. And London, to me and in this context, represents creative passion and fire.

My fiery part is angry at me for having given up on it. I had a lot of passion and fire in my teens and twenties, and it served me and my life well. Then, when I got married for the first time, and abandoned my inner guidance on major life issues, I gradually started losing contact with that passion and fire. And it’s been difficult to refind and embrace it as fully as I know I can and to the extent that feels right to me.

Now, that I finally have my own house and land and an amazing project (rewilding 14 hectares), I feel I have the stability to refind my passion and fire.

I told my waking-life partner about the dream. And went back into the dream images to ask my partner why she is angry at me. She said it is because I have given up on the fire and abandoned it. I am identified with being lost. That identification keeps me separate from the fire and passion that’s here.

When I then asked my waking-life partner the same question, and she gave the same answer. She said the anger is because I am identified with the dark night and the characteristics of the dark night. (Which includes feeling lost.)

I now also realize that the mythological creature our cat transformed into is a firefox, Kitsune from Japanese mythology.

This theme of refining my connection with my inner fire feels like a major theme in my life, something I continue to explore, and something very much on the horizon.

My recent explorations into AI-imagery is a part of this, as is continuing work on the house and rewilding project. All of this has to do with my inner passion and fire.

And I want to keep exploring my identification with the “lost” identity. What does it tell me? How does it play out in my life? What are the reversals, and the truth in them? How would it be to be free of this particular identification?

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Dream: I am African

I am with a group of people from around the world. We talk, and I happen to look down at my arms and notice my skin is dark brown. I realize I had forgotten and make a mental note that in the world, I am that way.

In the dream, it felt very natural, I just needed to remember. And if I had noticed I looked Asian or European, that would have been the same. I just needed to look and then remember.

NONE OF IT IS INHERENT TO WHAT I AM

For me, this dream is mainly a reminder that to myself, I am not inherently any of these things. I need to remember and then tell myself what I am. No label is inherent to what I am.

As I often write in other articles, I have a certain identity in the world. I have gender, nationality, education labels, profession labels, relationship status, address, political leanings, food preferences, and so on. None of that is wrong, and I need to know, remember, and play those roles reasonably well in order to function in the world.

And yet, what I am in my own first-person experience? What am I to myself? Here I find I am more fundamentally something else. I am capacity for my whole field of experience – which includes what thoughts can label the human self, others, the wider world, sights, sounds, sensations, thoughts, and so on. I am what all of it happens within and as.

Here, I have no inherent identity or label. I am inherently free of it all, and that allows all of it to come and go.

MY INNER AFRICAN

This dream also points to my inner African. Perhaps the dream is inviting me to be more in touch with these qualities and characteristics? Or that I am getting a bit more in touch with it?

What do I associate with being African? The ones I have met have been grounded, sane, enthusiastic, alive, and very much in touch with their body and movement. I also associate shamanic traditions, an emphasis on community life, dance, music, and so on. (I love many types of African music and have recently especially listened to the latest album from Sona Jobarteh.)

FIRST CONSCIOUSNESS, THEN HUMAN, THEN THE REST

Something else also came up for me related to this dream.

To myself, I find myself as capacity and what the (my) world happens within and as. And then there are layers of identities from the more universal to the more unique.

And that’s how I like to see others as well. I assume they are like me. To themselves, they are primarily consciousness. They are open to the world. They are space for the world. And then they are an expression of the universe and life, a part of this living planet, human, and finally and more peripherally a certain gender, ethnicity, and so on.

Note: In the world and in waking life, I am Northern European.

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The school from my dream decades back

This is a long story I’ll try to make short.

During the initial awakening period in my teens, I had some strong dreams that seemed to show me scenes from my future.

OREGON

In one dream, I saw myself in the Pacific Northwest in the US, in nature and a community of people with a shared interest in healing and sustainability. When I woke up, I looked at the map and saw it was in western Oregon. At the time, I lived in Norway and had no interest in going to the US. I strongly disliked the US for political reasons and saw no reason to go there. The thought of living there seemed even further removed.

Forward six or seven years, and I am studying psychology at the University of Oslo. A friend of mine had discovered a scholarship we both qualified for that would allow us to study psychology in some countries abroad, and he happened to have connections in Salt Lake City. We had very little time to explore possibilities, and I saw that University of Utah had courses in environmental psychology, health psychology, and a systems orientations to psychology, which were all topics I were interested in.

We went there, I found Kanzeon Zen Center and moved in there, and later got married.

And even some years later, more than fifteen years after the Oregon dream, I found myself in Oregon in just the situation described in the dream. I didn’t plan to move there for its own sake. We moved there because the university there had the best program for the topic I wanted to study.

LATIN AMERICA

I had a similar dream during the same time in my teens.

In this dream, I saw myself in Northern South America, with a partner from there. I was at a small local school and had a role there. Not exactly as a teacher but as someone deeply involved and supporting the school and children. Here too, I saw the location on a map. When I woke up and looked in an atlas, it looked like Northern Brasil or somewhere in that general area.

Fast forward thirty years, and I meet a woman from Colombia. We get married, explore parts of Colombia, and buy land in the Andes Mountains. We accidentally meet a longtime friend of my wife who has a house in the same neighborhood in the countryside, and we end up living in that house for three months while they were away.

On the small road to that house, very close to our land, is a small school. And it’s the school from my dream. The hairs on my body stood up when I saw it, and do so again when I write this. It’s the same school.

The only difference is that in my dream, there were three buildings, and in reality – now – there is only one.

So we’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll get involved with that school somehow. Maybe we’ll build two more buildings. It certainly needs help, and I cannot imagine anything better than helping children get a good education and more opportunities in life.

Dream: I need chemotherapy to get rid of plastic particles in my body

I am about to receive a kind of chemotherapy to remove plastic particles in my system. The nurse is kind and helpful. I notice a lot of naked fear come up.

I am not sure what this dream is about.

The plastic particles are artificial. They don’t belong in my body. They are low-grade toxic. The treatment is very strong and somewhat unpleasant. The nurse, the one administering the treatment, is kind and good-hearted. And naked and pure fear comes up in me.

That’s the essence. Beyond that, I am not sure but I have a suspicion of what it generally may be about.

Two days ago, I received a powerful healing from NH, and my first impulse when waking from this dream was to ask her about the dream. I intuited it had to do with her healing session for me.

Since my teens, I have noticed that when I check in internally, I cannot find a center line. It’s as if there are multiple center lines. I have also sensed that this has to do with trauma and parts of my system and consciousness not fully being in my body.

That’s what NH, as the first healer I have worked with, picked up on and worked on. And I wonder if this dream is connected with that process.

The plastic may reflect something artificial in me. In a sense, any belief is artificial. It’s the “head above the head” that some in Zen talk about. It’s an addition to our nature and a simpler and more direct way of living. In this context, the plastic may be the painful and fearful beliefs and traumas that make it difficult for me to fully be in the physical body and embody and live this life.

NH is kind and good-hearted, just like the nurse in the dream.

She is giving me strong treatment. It feels soft and gentle, and also very powerful.

And a lot of naked fear in me is coming up. This is the fear holding the partial disembodiment in place.

The dream may show me some of what’s going on around this, and also that the fearful beliefs behind the disembodiment are – in a sense – artificial and don’t belong.

Dream: At my uncle’s cabin

I am at my uncle’s cabin with my father, brother, and cousin. We are going out in my uncle’s home made canoe. It’s very large and heavy, and in three separate segments that each can be its own canoe. My father falls and goes under water inside one of the canoes, and my brother and cousin don’t seem to be concerned about it. I pull him up again.

I have had several dreams about my uncle’s cabin. Each time it’s the same cabin in the same location which is different from the real-life cabin and location. In my dreams, the cabin is dark, in a dark forest, and by a narrow and long lake.

I suspect that this dream has to do with my family inheritance – in terms of culture and psychological mindset. It feels heavy, dark, cumbersome, and far less efficient and light than could be possible.

My father goes underwater, perhaps submerged by somewhat stagnant emotions, and my brother and cousin don’t seem to mind. I am the only one taking action to pull him out.

This part of my family is from an area of Norway (Hedmark) with big dark woods and a stoic mindset where you grin and bear it and don’t talk about what’s going on with you. I have a sense that the darkness of the cabin and forest, the cumbersome and heavy canoe, and going underwater, all reflect that mindset and culture.

Since I grew up with this, and since it’s happening in my dream, this is all part of me. This dream, and my other dreams about this cabin, show me this part of me.

The dreams say: Here it is. See how it feels in your system. Bring awareness to it. And see what happens. How is it to recognize this energy in you? What happens when you relate to it more consciously?

In waking life, my uncle’s cabin – which is now owned by my cousin and his wife – is open and light, in a much more open area next to a wildflower meadow, and on a much larger and open lake. So the dream-maker in me is obviously transforming it into something much darker. My uncle was a kind of hero of mine when I was little, especially because he had a strong nature connection (he was a biologist) and lived a to me exotic life (he and his family lived in Tanzania for some years). On the other hand, he also had a quite stubborn and judgmental mindset which I discovered later.

In waking life, I am in the Andes mountains and in a culture that seems very different from what I associate with my father’s side of the family. Perhaps that’s why this comes up in my dreams these days? Perhaps it’s easier for me to notice this energy in me since it contrasts more with my waking environment and experiences?

Dream: I have ancient coins from around the world

I am in Norway, on the coast (Drøbak area), with my wife, father, and a group of young adults. We share an interest with the group of people. My father is driving, and he needs coins to pay an entrance fee or toll. We all go through our coins to contribute. I find my share, and also notice I have a large number of ancient coins from different cultures around the world, and I have gotten them without effort. They just came to me and I picked them up.

What do the coins represent? I assume something of value since they were valuable in their own time and are still very valuable. Perhaps ancient knowledge? Timeless insights?

Much of what I write about in these articles is relatively timeless and universal, although obviously filtered through me who is a child of my culture and time. And it did come to me relatively effortlessly. Most of it, and the essence of all of it, came in the initial spontaneous awakening shift in my teens. I didn’t see it echoed by others untial several years later.

I also have modern coins, which may be the knowledge required for our modern society.

Why the group of young people? We like them and get along well with them and there is a sense of community, perhaps because we all have similar interests. (I am not sure exactly what, but likely in sustainability and spirituality.)

Why Norway and my father? It may have to do with my roots in this life, and also where I was during the initial awakening shift.

Dream: A woven shirt encodes ancient sacred texts

A group of people are weaving a shirt that encodes an ancient sacred text. It’s very beautiful and woven with white and light blue threads made of a shiny material.

The pattern of the shirt encodes the sacred text, similar to the binary code of a computer.

It’s as if the sacred text is made physical, embodied, by being made into a shirt.

What’s the sacred ancient text? I suspect it’s the divine realizing itself in a timeless (ancient) way. The divine noticing itself as it is, and through and as a being living more consciously from and as what’s noticed. There is always further to go here.

Who is going to wear it? I am not sure. Since it’s my dream, it’s probably me, but I wasn’t completely aware of that in the dream.

I had this dream the night before the first day of my new Vortex Healing class (Awakening to Divinity), and the first night in the house where we will stay for the next month. (The photo above is from this morning.)

Dream: Finding empathy in Russia

I am somewhere in a rural village in Russia, at a public meeting about the war. Most of the people at the meeting are older and support Putin. I listen and want to learn more about how they see the world. I am curious. At the end, I speak and tell them how much I appreciate learning how they see the situation, finding empathy and understanding (even if I don’t agree), and enriching how I see the world. As expected, they look at me as if I am a weird fish, but I still enjoyed sharing it with them.

In the dream, as in waking life, I am very aware of the different worlds we live in, and how we are all shaped by our culture and background. I am aware that I am a typical liberal university-educated westerner and see the world much as would be expected of someone with that background.

In the dream, I seek to understand and find empathy with the ones seeing the world differently from me, and perhaps even where I agree. And my view on this situation – the invasion of Ukraine – is still much the same, although held with a bit more empathy.

This dream reflects my waking life explorations and curiosity. I have my own biases and views on the world (1), and they have been largely the same since my mid-teens. I wish to understand where others are coming from and what shapes their views. I wish to find where I agree with them. I wish to have the clarity and courage to stand up for my own views, while also taking the views of others into consideration. I wish to find empathy for all of us in this together.

The Russian invasion of Ukraine is one of the situations triggering all of this in me. I want to know more about how Russians see the situation. (I follow several western-leaning Russian YouTubers so I get to see that not all Russians support the war, and I follow channels where they interview ordinary Russians on topics related to the war.)

Living in the Andes mountains, with mostly locals as neighbors, also brings this topic up for me. I am very aware that I am a product of my background. I enjoy silence, want to protect nature, eat mostly healthy foods, wear relatively expensive clothes for being in that area, and so on. And many of the locals enjoy playing their radios loudly, are less concerned about nature and sustainability (surviving is a higher priority), and so on. We are all living out our conditioning.

I want to be true to myself and my needs. Take into consideration that we are all living out our conditioning. And see what happens as I keep exploring that dynamic and allowing it to work on me.

And the same goes for my inner world and all the different parts of me mirrored by the outer world. (It’s all happening within and as me anyway.) Here too, I am interested in understanding where the different parts of me are coming from, how they experience their world, what they need, how they are trying to help, and viscerally getting what their nature is.

(1) I support democracy. I am a big fan of science. (And knows many of the pitfalls and how it can be misused.) I see valid reasoning as important, as well as being aware of biases and logical fallacies. Although I am not a big fan of much of what NATO and the western countries do in terms of geopolitics, that doesn’t prevent me from strongly supporting Ukraine and wanting them to regain their territories. (And seeing Putin as a dangerous authoritarian leader that harms his own country and population, although many of them also support him.)

Dreams: Different locations

I am in the small Southern European island we recently visited. We live there and it’s peaceful, fun, and enjoyable.

I am on our land in the Andes mountain. It’s beautiful and I feel a deep resonance with the land. And I also see difficulties with some of the neighbors. The one we have had the most to do with is standing there unyielding and stubborn like a pole. (Which I can understand since she is relatively poor and wealthy foreigners come and buy land.)

I am in Norway, in the small town where I grew up. We have a small apartment there. Just across the main road, a meditation center has started. It has a good perspective on what they are doing, and it’s alive and thriving. A lot of people are there and there is a very active community. There are also smaller groups in each neighborhood. I am happily surprised and enjoy the aliveness of it very much.

I often feel that the nights are almost infinitely long these days (which is very enjoyable), and full of rich dreams. These were three of the dreams last night.

Why these dreams?

IN MY LIFE

The obvious answer is that we are considering all three options for living, at least part-time. The dreams may reflect this processing, and may also support the processing in that they emphasize aspects of these three options I could be more conscious of.

When we were in Norway this summer, it was far more enjoyable than it has often been in the past. I and my wife both felt far more at home there. (Oslo is becoming more cosmopolitan, which we enjoy. And there is another reason which I won’t go into here since it involves others.)

When we were in the South European island a couple of weeks ago, we both sensed that living there would be peaceful, relaxing, and fun.

And in our land in the Andes mountains, we have already experienced what the dream pointed to. Some of the neighbors are stubborn and not very happy about foreigners coming there, buying up land, and driving up the prices so the locals cannot afford land anymore. I completely sympathize, even if I am part of that problem.

We are exploring all the options. Taking in as much information as we can. Take one step at a time. And see how it all unfolds.

IN ME (A MIRROR)

There is also another side to this, and that is that dreams are a mirror for me, just as the waking world is and any imaginations I have. The dream figures and dynamics are parts and dynamics in myself. And dreams are often showing me emerging dynamics or sides of myself I can benefit from being more aware of.

All of these places from the dreams are parts of myself. I can easily find each one in me.

Recurrent dream: Russian invasion

Over the last few months, I have had several dreams on the same theme: I am in Norway and Russia is attacking with rockets.

This obviously connects with the Russian invasion of Ukraine, which I have followed in the media and which has impacted me as it has most others in Europe.

Consciously, I don’t really have fears of Russia attacking Norway. (1)

So what are these dreams about?

They may tell me that I have stronger fears than I am consciously aware of or want to admit to. Consciously, I don’t see any attack as realistic, and at some level I may still have fears I am not aware of and that the dreams invite me to get in contact with.

There is also a small chance they are premonitory. (2)

And the world is my mirror, independent of all that. The world and my dreams mirror parts and dynamics in me. Whenever I go into a belief, I go to war within myself. I go to war with reality and I tend to go into reactivity, defense, blame, and so on.

For instance, whenever I believe something about my partner, and especially something obviously painful, I go to war within the relationship whether it comes out in an obvious way or not. (Usually, it does eventually so I get to see it more clearly.)

So the dreams may reflect a fear I am not fully aware of or admit to. They may be premonitory, although I wouldn’t put money on it. And they definitely reflect wars within myself that happen as soon as I attach to stories as true, which is especially clear with obviously painful stories.

Holding any story as true, even the most apparently benign ones, is ultimately uncomfortable and painful because it’s at odds with reality. It’s a kind of war that comes with defense, attacks, suffering, and so on.

UPDATE AUGUST 24, 2022

In the recurrent dream, I am outside the house on the southwestern side. Earlier today, I was outside on that side of the house, and a fighter jet flew low over the house from the southwest to the northeast, just like in the dreams. It was a strange experience and a kind of synchronicity, although I don’t know what it’s about if anything. It’s very rare to see fighter jets here.

These days, with a continued weakened Russian military, any kind of conventional war between Russia and NATO seems less likely than ever. And it also seems very unlikely that Putin would use nuclear weapons since it’s clearly suicidal. (Although his rationality and connection with reality is questionable.) So that makes any premonition seem even less likely than it was.

So why the recurrent dream, and this real-life mirroring of the dream?

There may be something here I am still not seeing. For instance, I often experience a kind of invasion from someone in my life (who wants to dictate my behavior and even internal state so s/he can be more comfortable and not have their own issues triggered). It’s something I tend to dismiss or downplay in my own mind. Maybe these dreams are inviting me to notice it and take it more seriously and do something about it.

Footnotes

(1) It wouldn’t make much sense. (Although the invasion of Ukraine also didn’t make much if any sense, at any level, so that’s not really an argument.) They don’t have conventional military resources to engage in any successful invasions and especially not NATO countries. (In terms of conventional weapons and military, Russia is a mosquito compared to NATO and wouldn’t stand a chance.) If they were to attack targets in Norway, it would mean that WW3 had already started. And it would probably mean the use of (at least smaller) nuclear weapons.

(2) My whole life, I have had dreams of things that later happened – sometimes years later. (For instance, a dream in my teens of living in Oregon, which happened fifteen years later. A dream of living in Latin America, which happened maybe three decades later. A dream of my cat being killed in an accident, which happened a week later. And so on.) By invading Ukraine, Putin and Russia created a volatile situation that can escalate and eventually involve NATO – and Norway – more directly.

It may not be that Russia literally will fire rockets toward the Oslo area. That seems very unlikely. But the rockets in the dream may be more metaphorical and suggest a more direct involvement of NATO and Norway.

I should mention that when the war started in February, I had an unusually bad feeling about it. I had a sense that it would (or could) have worse consequences than most suspected. (I wrote about it back then.)

That feeling rarely happens, and when it does – about world events – it’s often accurate.

When I checked in more closely with my sense, at the beginning of the war, I saw a kind of black cloud moving out from Ukraine and towards the west into other countries. At the time, I want sure what it cold be. And later, I realized it may best fit radiation from a damaged nuclear reactor. I hope that will not happen.

Dream: Jaques Vallée & befriending the alien(ated) parts of ourselves

I am spending some time with Jaque Vallée and we are going for a walk while talking.

At some point, we get to the question of what motivates our desire to find or know about alien life.

I say that since my background is in psychology, I am biased. So for me, the question is not: “Are we alone”. The question is: “am I alone”.

For this, finding aliens is not the solution. The solutions is something we can only do for ourselves. By being with ourselves, by befriending the different part of ourselves, and especially the lonely and alien-ated parts of ourselves.

The day residue for this dream is seeing that the long-awaited documentary about the Ariel school incident (Ariel Phenomenon) is coming out later this month.

Of the different people talking about these things, Jaques Vallée is one of my favorites, not the least because of his interests in patterns and archetypes, and in looking at similarities between UFO stories and fairy tales, and so on.

The conversation is initially about the phenomena in general, and then switches to why we are interested in the topic. What are some of the motivations? A part is obviously a general curiosity and wanting to know about the world.

And for me, with a background in psychology, I am also interested in another motivation: The wish to not be alone. A wish for connection. If that’s a drive for us, it points to that we feel alone. And apart from the conventional solutions to this (making friends etc.), a root solution is to get to know and befriend the exiled, alienated, and alone parts of ourselves.

Finding aliens is not the solution to feeling alone. Befriending ourselves is. And it’s far easier and closer at hand than finding aliens.

Another side to this dream is that in waking life, I would likely not have this conversation with Jaques Vallée. I wouldn’t feel confident enough. I am much more free in my conversations in my dreams than I am in waking life.

Image: From Close Encounter of the Third Kind where the main scientist is modeled on Jaques Vallée.

Dream: Sentient robots are turning back humans with bad intention

A swarm of sentient flying robots are sent out to assist humans in colonizing a section of space. As humans follow, the robots on their own decide to return humans with bad intentions back to Earth. Humans cannot do anything about it.

This dream is seen from the perspective of this first wave of sentient robots. They are able to analyze a range of biodata to detect who comes with a kind and life-centered orientation, and those who have more narrow and less life-centered intentions. The latter group is sent back to Earth without having any chance to do anything about it.

This has the seed of an interesting science fiction story. And I know the day residue for this particular dream: I started watching the new Matrix movie the night before, and that story has flying sentiment machines that help humanity and life. (At least so far in the movie.)

What does this dream reflect in me? I have been more conscious of not acting on certain impulses in me, especially the grumpiness that can come up when my system is tired and exhausted and I may not have had enough water or food. Last night, I metaphorically “sent back” some of these impulses instead of acting on them. Since I have explored these type of dynamics for some decades now, it may be that the part of me checking and deciding to “send back” certain other parts of me is more automatic and more like a sentient robot.

Of course, there is a difference between sending back and not acting on. One may be a type of repression that doesn’t work in the long term. The other is a more conscious allowing of the experience while not acting on it and is a better approximation of what does work in the longer term.

In my case, last night, I decided to send back some things while knowing what I was doing, and that these parts of me are welcome at other times. It feels like bordering on repressions which brings up some unease in me. Perhaps that’s why this dream came. I am not sure.

The dream may also, for instance, remind me that I have this “gatekeeper” part of me and that it has the ability to help me not act on certain things. It just needs to be activated through some intention.

I’ll stay with the dream and see what comes up.

Note: This dream was like a movie where “I” as a human self was not in it, although all of it is of course sides of me.

Dream: Losing everything on a trip

I am traveling alone. At some point, I put my wallet on a counter, turn away for a brief moment, and someone steals it and runs away. I think to myself that I still have my passport, and then realize I don’t know where my suitcases are. I lost track of them at some point and cannot remember when I still had them. I feel disoriented and my nothing seems to stick in my memory. 

This dream resonates in a few different ways.

I am about to go on a long trip and am a bit concerned about just this. I still have covid brain after having had covid in February, and I do feel a bit more disoriented than usual and my mind seems to let things go through without sticking much (AKA poor memory).

I have had two or three dreams with a similar theme of disorientation recently. They may reflect a slight concern I have about it, and that I may not fully acknowledge either this concern or the symptoms or both.

Can I find more peace with these symptoms? I am already used to it due to the brain fog from chronic fatigue (CFS) so it’s not new, it’s just a bit more strong than usual. I have found relative peace with the usual CFS symptoms, so why not the covid brain? (Also, in daily life, I have found several strategies to compensate for it.)

There is also a theme of loss in this dream, as there is in my life. For a variety of reasons, many somewhat outside of my control, I have in different ways lost close to all of my possessions from up to a few years ago. Here too, I have mostly found peace with it and the dream may invite me to find even deeper peace and an even deeper appreciation for it. After all, life is nothing if not impermanence.

Update: This is a few days later. I have for months felt my system wasn’t nourished at a deep level, and I wanted bone broth to nourish my system without being able to have it. (A long story that involves being remote in the Andes.) Now, I have it and I can feel my system being nourished again at a deeper level. It seems my dreams have changed with this nourishment. During the period when I felt I lacked this deep nourishment, my dreams often involved feeling disoriented and confused. Now, they don’t anymore. I am not sure if the two are connected, but it seems likely they may be.

Arvo Pärt

Dream: Setting up production of a new Arvo Pärt piece

I am part of a small group setting up a large-scale production of a new Arvo Pärt piece in Oslo. The production will go over several days at different locations and it includes a variety of activities. At one point, I am on skis in the beautiful forest north of Oslo to prepare an event that will be part of the whole production. 

I notice I am a bit confused and disoriented and not exactly sure what my role is, and I don’t have full overview over the production so I am not sure if everything is taken care of. The others say not to worry, it’s all going well. 

The performers are touring and are traveling in from somewhere else. It must be hundreds of them with a wide range of ethnicities. They arrive close to the performance, and I am concerned we won’t have time for rehearsals. We have to go right into the performance. It’s in a massive church with several connected rooms, somewhere in the Frogner area of Oslo. 

The performance starts. One group of performers, all in costume, enter one by one and dance and sing. It’s amazingly beautiful and moving and on an epic scale. All the performers are in costumes, and act, speak, and dance in addition to singing. It has the feel of a Philip Glass opera with new music from Arvo Pärt. 

It’s all going wonderfully even if I am a bit confused about my role, especially since everyone else seems to know what they are doing. I look in the program and see that there is a full day of ethics discussions with the audience and performers, and I am concerned we won’t be able to fit it in, but then realize that this is an event that goes over several days and in several different locations. It’s more of an engaged community event than an usual performance, and it includes threads of ethics, culture, human rights, sustainability, nature, deep ecology, and so on. 

It’s all epic, beautiful, and a success. 

Day residue: Ale’s uncle Álvaro talking about a theater festival in Bogotá that used to have a similar feel – several events at different locations with audience engagement and participation. 

Day residue 2: I watched another Norwegian wilderness episode with Lars Monsen the evening before this dream, which may be the seed for the nature component of this dream. 

This dream has several things of what I love the most, and especially what I loved the most in my late teens and early twenties: Arvo Pärt, the operas of Phillip Glass, Nordmarka (the forest north of Oslo), Frogner, and the mix of culture, ethics, human rights, sustainability, and so on. It was all a bit part of my life then, and I am currently preparing to visit Norway and those places.

What’s the essence of this dream? For me, right now, it seems to be the mix of (a) being an integral part of the organizing group and one of the ones making it happen, (b) being slightly confused and disoriented, and (c) seeing that it all works out well anyway because others are part of the process. 

The dream may point out that I feel more confused and disoriented in daily life than I notice. It makes sense since I am on a continent that’s new to me with a culture and language that’s not familiar to me, so I do often feel a bit disoriented and out of the loop.

I can also understand it in a few other ways, all showing me that life happens even if I am not an active part of making it happen.

One is literal. Yesterday, I was at a family gathering and it all went well because others did their part. It wasn’t dependent on me doing a lot. That’s how it often is in life, especially in the bigger picture. I can have the life I do because others do a lot – grow food, repair roads, build cars and computers, make clothes, and so on. My life is dependent on the lives of innumerable other beings, both human and non-human. 

And this can be expanded to not only include all beings and this living planet but all of existence. My life is dependent on all of existence. My life is supported by all of existence. Even if I rest, my life is supported and maintained by all of existence. 

I can also see this as reflecting what’s happening in me. Even if I on the surface feel a bit confused and disoriented, a large number of parts of me – psychological and biological – are active and functioning and support me and my life in the world. 

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Dream: I am confused and don’t know how things work 

I am in a kind of glamping spot in the mountains of Norway, with four units close to each other. I am confused and don’t know how things there work. Even going to the toilet is difficult for lack of privacy. I feel a bit self-conscious about it all, although I also enjoy being there. 

In my waking life, I am in a transition and there are several things we need to do and get in place in the next few days. Since I don’t speak the local language well and am not familiar with how everything works here, I feel a bit confused and out of the loop. 

The dream seems to point this out. I am aware of my confusion and disorientation but haven’t fully embraced it. Maybe the dream is an invitation for me to embrace all of this more fully. It’s part of life. It’s how most of us experience life now and then, and – to some extent – always. 

We are always a bit confused and out of the loop. It’s normal. There is even beauty in it. There is beauty in embracing it. Ask for help. Trusting that we’ll figure it out as we go along. Trusting that when we make apparent mistakes, we can deal with that too. And it’s all OK. It’s part of the messiness of life. 

Why in the mountains of Norway? Last night, I watched an episode of Lars Monsen’s latest TV series where he takes people out in the wilderness in Norway. (Day residue.)

Why the other people? The dream-maker in me may have added these to heighten my sense of confusion. If I was on my own, the confusion would be OK. And being witnessed by others made me extra aware of it.

This points to something else for me to explore: Can I find peace with how I am even when I am witnessed by others? Can I find peace with having my confusion witnessed by others?

Dream: My wife is far more wealthy than I imagined

I am close friends with one of the more peripheral Harry Potter actors. Through that friendship, I occasionally meet other Harry Potter actors, including Emma Watson. We hit it off, get married, and have a good and normal life together. (Nothing extravagant.) At some point, we are separated for a few days (she is filming a movie, or I am doing a workshop), and I decide to travel and surprise her with a visit. When I meet her, she is in a very expensive dress at a restaurant fancy beyond my imagination. I am a bit shocked, seeing her in this luxury situation and realizing that this may be how she lives her life when I am not around. I ask her if it’s a problem for her that I am not that wealthy, and she says – and it seems genuine – that it’s not.

Dreams can be seen as reflecting something in my life, and also something in me. 

This one seems to suggest that there is a side of me, a feminine side that I am close to, that has a lot more wealth than I knew and imagined. And that this wealth is often hidden but doesn’t have to be. If I am ready for it, it can be revealed. 

In terms of my life, my actual wife is a wizard (as Vortex Healing practitioners are called) and she is an actress, just like Emma Watson who played a wizard and is an actress. And she does have a lot of wealth that I get glimpses of and notice in daily life. She has a lot of wealth in terms of personality, liveliness, fun, kindness, insights, wisdom, the ability to channel healing in an amazing way, and more. 

There is another side to this dream, and that’s how I respond to meeting this wealth. I felt a bit insecure and wondered if I was good enough for her. When I encounter this wealth in me or life, a part of me does respond in that way – with insecurity and feeling I am perhaps not good enough. It may be good for me to explore that part more, get to know it, and help it relax. 

Dream: Russian man

I participate in a workshop led by my father. It’s about restoring something old. The group is varied and international, and I like the other people and the group atmosphere. I am working with a young man and ask him where he is from. He seems unhappy about the question and gives the name of what I assume is his village. I ask: Where is that. He responds, even more unhappily: near Minsk. He seems unhappy about being revealed as Russian in this international group, and I feel compassion for him and see that my apparently innocent question created discomfort for him.

We are now one week into Putin’s invasion of Ukraine, and I imagine this type of interaction happens in many places in the world. Many Russians abroad don’t share Putin’s views and politics, and it’s uncomfortable for them to be associated with him just because they are Russian.

I feel a lot of compassion for the ones directly impacted by the horrors of the war, and also for the Russians who never wanted it.

And, if I dig a bit deeper, I can also find compassion for the ones agreeing with Putin. (The ones who support an illegal and completely unnecessary invasion of a democratic country in spite of the tremendous and ongoing suffering it will bring.) And even for Putin himself. (He is clearly tormented, otherwise, he wouldn’t do what he does.)

And, as I have written about before, this compassion doesn’t make the invasion any less unjust, wrong, profoundly misguided, and something I strongly oppose in my own small way.

Why is my father in the dream? Perhaps because I, by accident, called him when I woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to start a podcast. This dream happened after that. Also, more importantly, although he is trained as an architect and artist, he has a side-interest in restoring antique furniture and clocks. (And does it very well.)

Why restoring something old? I am not exactly sure what we are restoring in the dream, it may be an old mill. Perhaps it’s about repairing old conflicts, and restoring and remembering the peaceful and friendly elements in our past? This is important collectively, and it’s important for me to do within myself.

Dream: A group of beings is doing surgery on me

A small group of beings is doing surgery on me. They are highly skilled and sing as they do their work. The surgery is massive and all-encompassing and they take apart every small bit of me.

These beings are humanoid but not quite human. They are dark, thin, and relatively tall. Their song is not like a human song.

I started the Anglic Heart IV (Vortex Healing) class the day before this dream and sat with the intention of a deep transformation and healing of my body during the transmissions.

The dream definitely reflects my intention. And it may even reflect some healing and reorganization happening within me as a result of this class. We’ll see.

Note: I have had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) since my teens, and it has had many shifts and turns during that time. I have found many things that help. (Rest, diet, climate, herbal medicine). I have found healing for my relationship to it and found more genuine peace with it. And I have not yet found any “cure”. When I sit with the intention for healing during the transmission, I notice it shifts into an intention for transformation. A transformation for the whole situation around my health. I assume this can look many different ways: Finding an approach or doctor who can help me further. Finding deeper peace with – and even appreciation for – my health situation. Different circumstances that make it all easier. And so on.

Dream: A circus where the small performances are the big ones

Passing through London, I find a good place to live with good neighbors.

I decide to stay here for a while, perhaps a month or so. I am in no hurry, although I am on my way to a place – somewhere in the Americas – where I am to live in the long run.

Staying here for a bit longer will give me an opportunity to enjoy this place and get to know it a bit better.

Later, I find myself at a circus where the small performances are the big ones. It seems to be the slogan for the circus.

I decide to stay a bit longer in an interesting place I am passing through. I do that a lot, both in waking life and in terms of my internal states. I like to experience, explore, and find ways to enjoy new places.

I am on my way to another place, on another continent, where I am to live in the longer run. That’s also true in waking life. I don’t know about my internal life, except that – in time – I am on my way to the destination we are all on our way to.

And I find that the small performances are the big ones. The small daily life activities and experiences are the big ones.

Dream: Staying with the Tom Hanks family

I am traveling and, through a mutual friend, am invited to stay with the Tom Hanks family for a few days. They are all genuinely nice people and there is sense of ease and flow in our daily life interactions. Two sons and one daughter are there, all young adult, and some of their friends come and go. It’s a house full of life, and it’s also gentle and quiet. I feel included, welcome, and part of the family.

One of the sons shows me a photo he created. It’s a composite of four or five photos of the same bird, hovering in the air facing the camera, and it’s done with sensitivity and is beautiful and artistic.

Towards the end, the basement is flooded although nobody seems to think it’s a problem. It’s where the young people are staying, and where I am staying as well. Everything continues what they are doing.

The night before this dream, I listened to a podcast where someone mentioned Tom Hanks.

This is the type of family life many parts of me dream of, and I have experienced now and then. In waking life these days, I also experience it now and then.

More than that, it’s the type of inner community and household I wish for and experience now and then.

What about the photo of the bird? I am not sure. Perhaps it’s an invitation to be a bit more creative in my own photography and artistic endeavors?

And the flooding? Flooding is often seen as reflecting a flooding of emotions. In this case, it happens in the basement and it’s taken in stride. It is true that my system sometimes is flooded a bit by emotions, especially when I work on certain issues, and especially when I work on it with Vortex Healing since it tends to bring up whatever I work on for a day or so. And, as in the dream, I have the option to continue with my life and take it in stride and often do just that.

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Dream: A Tibetan teacher asks me to lead a meditation

I am visiting a spiritual group. A respected Tibetan teacher arrives, looks into my eyes for a while, and asks me to lead a guided meditation for the group. I find myself doing a version of the befriend-and-wake-up process. Notice any contractions, any tension, reactivity. Notice the space it’s happening within. Notice the space within the contraction. Notice it’s all made up of space. I put words on what’s helpful for me as I explore this for myself, and share it with the group.

When he looked into my eyes, there was a mutual recognition. And it all has a playful quality.

The mutual recognition is similar to what I most clearly experienced when I had a couple of hours alone with Adyashanti some years ago. In the dream, it all has a playful quality. The group itself is not affiliated with Tibetan Buddhism or any one particular tradition. And the guided meditation is spontaneous, easy, and playful, and the words reflect my own process at the moment.

I am not sure what this dream is about. The essence of the guided meditation is how I live my life already, with these types of inner explorations for myself. Just like the group, I am not affiliated with any particular tradition. These days, I am not in any groups, I am not in contact with any teachers, and I am not leading any guided meditations. And I have a deep respect for Tibetan Buddhism and teachers within that tradition.

When I visit groups in waking life, it’s in the role of a beginner, so – obviously – nobody asks me to lead anything. I probably could lead something, in some settings, if it’s clear that it’s just an experiment and nothing else. But I have issues around whatever I share being too obvious, too banal, and so on.

From how I have seen students relating to teachers, I also see a lot of disadvantages to putting myself in that position. There tend to be a lot of projections all around.

Is the dream pointing out some of the blocks and issues I have around this? In the dream, it was effortless and playful and felt natural.

I know there are people who could benefit from me sharing more. And perhaps it would be natural for me to do so, on a very small scale, if I didn’t have some of the issues I have. I don’t know.

Note: Dreams cover the spectrum of (a) reflecting only who and what we are and (b) saying something about our waking life situation. When I explore and later write about my dreams, I usually include both and shift from one to the other without always labeling them one or the other. It’s sometimes useful to differentiate the two more clearly. In this case, (a) an inner master is inviting me to guide myself in meditation. Perhaps that’s needed more right now. And (b) the dream may also show me that I am ready to do this more in waking life.

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Dream: Any transaction requires an element of the absurd

We – my partner, I, and another woman – are about to buy a property. The man selling tells us he has one condition for the sale: The transaction has to include an element of the absurd. We agree. When we later walk up to his house to sign the papers, he is wearing odd clothes and does an exagerated medieval type of greeting gesture. The woman with us does something similar so we can also contribute with an element of the absurd.

I had this dream in the early morning before signing papers to buy land.

What is the dream about? Why an element of the absurd?

When I woke up from this dream, the first that came up is the absurdity of buying or owning land.

For me, for as long as I can remember, it has seemed absurd that we humans can own or buy land.

Land belongs to itself. Every being belongs to itself.

Of course, I understand why we own and buy land in a conventional sense. The main reason is that we can. It works, to some extent, for us. We have a convention and social agreement around it. And what we own and buy is the right to access, use, and stewardship, not the land itself.

And yet, it is absurd. It has an element of the absurd. And it’s good to be aware of it. It gives us a bit of humility and puts it in perspective.

Why the second woman? I am not sure. She was a relatively average-looking young woman with dark hair and looked local to this country. In this purchase and project, there is perhaps an additional element of the feminine. Of care and nourishment. We certainly have that aim – to care for the land and find ways to be nourished here.

Who is the man? He reminds me of a Swedish man we know from Villa de Leyva who is unashamedly creative and eccentric in a good way.

Dream: Building a model

I am given the opportunity to build any model I want. Almost before I have started exploring for myself, someone suggests I build a model of a smaller structure in the courtyard of the modern building we are in. I agree and start making the model. I soon realize I need to include the courtyard, and also the taller modern building. Later, I see a model someone else made. It’s a beautiful Asian pagoda or temple built with natural materials and organic forms. I wonder why I didn’t build something like that since it’s much more interesting to me.

For me, this seems to reflect how I relate to these writings and how I express my own explorations and experiences.

In my teens and twenties, I included my wholeness and passion far more. And now, after academia and Zen and a marriage where I ended up repressing a lot of my wholeness and aliveness, I am left with the way I write here.

The night before this dream, I had a conversation with my partner about this. I write in a relatively removed and analytical way here, and that has its place. It’s valuable. And yet, it’s not really satisfying to me. I wish to include more of my wholeness and passion, similar to how I did it in my teens and twenties.

At the same time, I can’t write like Jeff Foster since it wouldn’t be authentic for me now.

The question for me is: What’s more authentic for me? If I write in a genuinely authentic way, how would it look? If I go outside of what’s familiar to me, in the direction of juiciness and authenticity, what do I find?

Why did the dream choose building a model as a theme? If it is about how I express myself here, then it is similar to a model. Many of these articles are models, in a sense. They are outlines, structures, maps.

Why jump on what someone else suggested in the dream? Because I have done that often in my life. I have often abandoned my own aliveness, passion, and guidance in the favor of what someone else suggests or wants for me. (I did that to a great extent in my previous marriage, which was a terrible experience and something I am still very much recovering from.)

Why the modern building? Perhaps because it’s logical, impersonal, and a bit cold, just like I experience my own writings. (Which don’t feel authentic for me, and yet I find myself in that pattern.)

Why the inclusion of the surroundings? Because anything can only be understood in context. We need to know the larger whole, and I often include that in these writings.

Why the Asian pagoda or temple? It’s sacred. Has deep traditions. Is connected with nature. It feels much more alive and juicy to me, and far more what I am drawn to.

Dream: Soy un animal, Ale

I am in the central public square of an old Spanish colonial town, similar to Villa de Leyva and Barichara. A famous surrealist filmmaker, similar to Buñuel and Dali, is filming scenes for a new film. I see the shadow on the ground which is the focus of one scene. It’s of the filmmaker standing up, an outline of the upper body and head of a cat, and next to it the shadow of a sign where the letters are created by light shining through. The sign says “Soy un animal, Ale”. I want to take a photo and show to my partner, since that’s her name, but by the time I get the phone ready, they are already filming another scene.

A few things stand out to me from this dream.

It’s the first Spanish-language dream I have remembered.

The day before, my partner had told me about an article saying “cats are psychopaths”, and I had responded that they are just animals. They are just following their instincts. When they wake us up at 5 am, it’s because every cell in their body tells them to go out and hunt since it’s the perfect time for them to be out hunting. I felt a little sorry for Merlina, our cat, for being called a psychopath when she is just being a normal healthy cat. The dream seems to reflect this. “Soy un animal, Ale. I am not a psychopath”.

Also, my aim is to become more and more comfortable with my animal sides. We are already animals, even if we western-civilization humans like to pretend we are not and have some collective fantasy we are not. Our animal side is beautiful and can be embraced and come out in beautiful ways.

Why the surrealist filmmaker? I am not sure. It’s someone who turns things upside down and looks at society and social norms in new and different ways. I like to do that too. And embracing our animal nature, in a healthy and kind way, is part of that.

Why the shadow of the filmmaker, cat, and sign? I am not sure.

Why film making? Does it have to do with creating narratives?

I have had a series of cat dreams, so this one will have to be seen in that context as well.

Dream: I will continue to be with this amazing group of mature people on the spiritual path

I am on the US west coast with a group of people who are mature in their spiritual path. They are skilled, insightful, kind, playful, grounded, and so on. It’s an amazing group and I feel completely at home with them. We do some kind of deep and playful somatic group work in the form of a dance.

I notice the thought that I’ll miss them and sadness that I won’t be with them in the futue. And then I realize, I will be with them. I’ll be here with them. I won’t go anywhere.

This reflects a waking life concern or sadness in me. I lived on the US west coast for many years, and my life is now taking me to other places. I love where I am now, and in very many ways it’s better for me, but a part of me feels FOMO. It fears I’ll miss out on what I could have learned if I was in the Bay Area or another hotspot on the US west coast. This dream seems to show me that I have what I need. It’s OK.

I can still stay connected with people there and learn from them. I have more than enough to work on for myself. And this exploration is a part of me, was a part of me long before I went there, and – as suggested by the dream – likely will continue to be a part of me and my life.

Dream: I didn’t speak up

I am on a kind of cruise in the antartic and I am one of the guests at a big party or event. At the entrance, a woman hands me a very expensive glass goblet with precious stones and metals, tells me to do something specific to clean a film on the glass, and leaves. I realize she mistook me for someone else who must be an expert in those things, and I wasn’t quick enough to speak up. I walk around with the goblet, holding it very carefully, and ask a few people if they know how to clean it.

Eventually, something happens (I don’t remember what), a group of people are upset with me, and they put me on the ice. I am with our cat, Merlina, can’t see her, call her name, and she comes immediately. Friends of mine arrive in a small boat and rescue me, as I knew they would since they were scheduled to go on the ice.

This dream may reflect a few dynamics in me.

A part of me feels I am not good enough. I am not good enough for a certain company, even if they may not see it that way. In this case, I felt the fancy guests at that party were out of my league, and they did end up throwing me off the boat. (I can’t remember exactly why.)

This ties into the imposter syndrome, which I certainly sometimes experience. I have taken actions to avoid getting in situations where I may feel like an imposter, by saying no to a lot of opportunities in life. I have also said no to opportunities that would bring me into groups I feel is out of my league.

It also ties into sometimes feeling like an outsider as a kid, and not cool enough for the cool kids. I was always a bit weird and eccentric and passionate about a wide range of things the other kids were not so interested in. (Nature, making things, parapsychology, UFOs, and so on.)

I have a pattern of not always speaking up. If people make assumptions and seem very certain they got it right, I sometimes don’t bother speaking up. This is unfair to me and them, and sometimes (unnecessarily) gets me into situations that don’t feel right. Also, when the person later finds out they made wrong assumptions, they may get upset.

When I don’t speak up, I am doing a disservice to everyone. In the dream, I felt a bit like a criminal for not speaking up, and I was concerned someone would think I wanted to steal the goblet. (I was just trying to clean it, as I was asked to do.) Even if I don’t remember the details, my sense is I got thrown off the ship for reasons related to this.

As a kid, I learned it wasn’t always safe – or desired – for me to speak up. I’ll speak up if people ask me, but if someone makes assumptions without asking, I may not always speak up. It’s good for me to make a practice of speaking up in these situations, even – or perhaps especially – if the topic may not always seem so important.

And yet another is that my friends were there. I have support. I knew they would come and they did. This may reflect inner support, and it’s something I have explored over the years, and more recently through the befriend & awaken process.

Dream & synchronicity: Ceramics kiln

The kiln at the Airbnb

I am helping Sofia, my partner’s cousin’s daughter, with her business. In the room, and connected with the business, is a silvery cube a little bigger than a fridge or washing machine.

Sofia is a teenager who is looking at business ideas to make money, and we just spent a couple of weeks together in a house in Barichara with more family. In the dream and after, I wasn’t sure what type of machine the largish silvery cube was. It was shorter and bulkier than a fridge, and larger than a washing machine.

In waking life, it had made an impression on me that Sofia’s main goal is to make lots of money, and my partner and I had talked about it briefly before going to sleep. I don’t doubt she can do it if she puts her mind to it, which she seems to be doing.

Later the same morning as this dream, my partner and I went to look at a possible AirBnB outside of Barichara for a future visit. It turned out to be the Airbnb of a ceramic artist, and she showed us her workshop.

In the workshop was a ceramics kiln, which was large and silvery and exactly like the machine I had seen in the dream.

I am not sure what this means or points to, if anything. Although it did renew my desire to start with Japanese wood-fired pottery. I have done electric-kiln pottery in the past, although I love Japanese wood-fired pottery and would love to do it. There may be an opportunity to build such a kiln at our new place.

It may even eventually be a small business, connecting with the dream theme.

Dream: Weird cat puppet

I have created a play with a handful of other people. It’s important and very good, and we perform it with puppets of animals. All the animal puppets are beautiful, except the cat puppet which is weird and barely hangs together. At the dress rehearsal, people laugh when it comes out. I feel embarrased since I am responsbile for the puppets in the play, although I didn’t make them.

Later today, I’ll be in a house with five other people. Because of my health challenges (CFS), a part of me sees me as a weird puppet that barely hangs together. I have always experienced a deep connection with cats, including through some Big Dreams with black panthers, so it’s not surprising if the cat puppet is me. The other puppets are beautiful, and people laugh at the weirdness of the cat puppet. One of my issues is a fear that people will judge me and laugh at me, especially because I have to live a little differently in daily life due to Chronic Fatigue. Now, that I am about to share a house with other people I mostly don’t know, I am afraid this will happen. And the dream shows me this.

Update: This dream and recent social interactions have reminded me of a discrepancy in how I see myself and others. When others talk, I mostly find it very interesting and fascinating. And I tend to not talk very much because I assume it won’t be interesting. That’s the same with the writings here. I assume it’s all very basic, obvious, and uninteresting to most people.

Dream: Invisible rowers

I am with my partner in Australia, in a cove on the coast. A large row boat arrives for a gathering. We only see the boat and several pairs of oars, and the beings rowing are invisible to us.

These beings or people are from another country. They have a magical quality and can make themselves invisible. I know that as soon as they arrive, we will see them. They are friendly.

In waking life, we are going to Barichara today, which – to me, in my sensing – is a place with a lot of light and magical quality. Perhaps these beings are parts of me invisible to me, arriving very soon. Perhaps these are parts of me I’ll get in touch with there? We’ll see.

Update: We arrived in the house where we are staying in the town of Barichara, and the energies here are very dense and it also turns out the house is next to a cemetery. We are spending part of the evening clearing the space, building, and ground energetically.

Dream: The three of us sacred

Through the night, I am aware of the three of us – my partner, me, and our cat – in the bed. We are all light with many glimmers of gold, sacred, and the divine experiencing itself as us.

This is similar to the other dream where I experienced the same room and house (in Villa de Leyva) as conscious, awake, and all the different aspects of this consciousness quietly communicating with each other.

As Neo says in the new Matrix 4 trailer, these are dreams that are not just dreams. The real-life situations were included in the dreams. They went through the whole night. And they reflect something real.

To me, everything is consciousness – including the house, the land, and so on.

And we are the divine taking all these forms.

Why do I have these dreams?

The first answer is that they are reminders of this reality and this noticing that’s already here in me.

Also, with the first dream, it may be because this land has a very sacred and conscious quality. (We are very close to an indigenous sacred site and solar observatory.) With the second, it may be a reminder that we are expressions of the divine, which is a reminder I needed since we had some challenges the night before and some reactive parts of me were taking a bit too large a part of my consciousness.

Parallel dream: The house is alive

Dream: Secret transport of powerful energy source

I am on a team transporting a material with very high energy. We do it in secrecy and with vigilance so it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.

The energy source is small and contained in a large and solid metal box. The team reminds me a bit of the Mission Impossible team. And we need to transport it in secrecy so nobody with ill intentions gets their hands on it. The energy source is immensely powerful, far beyond anything else we have.

The dream may be showing me that there is more energy stored in my system than I realize.

I wonder if this is (partly?) suppressed anger and warrior / beast qualities? These certainly have a lot of energy in them, and have been and partly are suppressed in me.

The dream may also reflect that I don’t want it to fall into the wrong hands, into parts of me using it for wrong or ill intentions. I suspect I learned to suppress my inner warrior partly for that reason, so it wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Dream: Friendly fellow students

I am about to start a new program or training, which is held in a beautiful new building complex. I am a bit lost about what the program is about and where I am to live. The other students are very friendly and helpful, and show me where my room is. I share it with some of the other students.

This is a very simple dream scene. It’s similar to dreams I have had for a while now, where I am in a new place and live with a group of friendly people creating a good and supportive community.

I imagine this reflects the befriend & wake-up work I have done more consistently when a contraction comes up. Also, it may reflect healing of my school experience which was difficult for me, and where I didn’t experience the other students as very friendly or supportive. In this dream, we were all grown-ups and more mature, kind, and perhaps even wise in a very ordinary way.

Dream: House is alive

I am half-awake in bed in a beautiful house in Villa de Leyva, and the whole house is alive. The wood beams, ceiling, adobe walls, floors, are all conscious. Everything is conscious and consciousness, and there is a kind of communication between all these aspects of consciousness.

In waking life, I am in a beautiful traditional adobe house in the countryside of Villa de Leyva, and I had the dream in that bed.

Why this dream? Perhaps because I experience this landscape as particularly alive and conscious. And this house too, which is build of local materials from nature (wood, clay, rocks). There is an especially sacredness to this place.

It may be a reminder to me of how much I love certain places in the world, including in the North-American west, and here, and that I wish to spend more time in these places.

And it’s a reminder that to me, the world is inevitably consciousness. It’s all happening within and as what thought can label consciousness.

I know this can sound like a drug-induced experience, but this can all be noticed here and now, independent of any states or special experiences. (I have never taken psychoactive drugs.)

Update: A few days later, I have a similar dream. See The three of us sacred.

Dream: Southern Utah & old camera

I am in Southern Utah and is overcome by the beauty and how deeply at home I feel there. I choose to use my old film camera, am having some problems with it, miss some shots, and decide to use my new camera instead. Someone I know from Facebook is there too.

In waking life, Southern Utah is one of the places where I feel most deeply at home. I love Utah and the area west of the Rockies in general.

The old camera is not working so well, and I decide to use my new one. My sense is that this has to do with nostalgia. When I first was in Southern Utah, I used my old film camera. In the dream, I may have wanted to recreate that experience and it didn’t quite work. The new is better.

The person in the dream is a waking life Facebook friend who lives there and regularly posts beautiful photos from the area.

For me, the essence of the dream is about the camera. It didn’t work to try to recreate the old, and the new – what’s here now – is much more appropriate.

The dream is also a reminder of how much place means to me. I feel deeply at home, nourished, vitalized, and myself in some places, and the reverse in other places. My life – and how I am and live and what I bring out from myself – changes completely depending on where I am.

Photo: Gernot Keller www.gernot-keller.com

Dream: A black panther cub

I find and help a black panther (jaguar) cub, and we develop a deep bond. I adopt it and decide to be its protector. I realize the bond will only continue to deepen, and it will be painful when the panther grows to a size where I will have to let go and find another home for it. The jaguar has some white markings like a housecat. We are somewhere in the border zone of wilderness and civilization.

This dream echoes a strong childhood dream. I was in the jungle and had a very strong bond with a large adult black panther. We both deeply belonged to the jungle and each other.

In this dream, the jaguar is very young and I become its guardian. And I know we will part ways later.

Black panthers (jaguars), and large cats in general, have qualities I would like to get in touch with and develop a deeper bond with in myself. They are deeply in their bodies, gentle, fierce when needed, deeply belong to the place where they are, deeply in touch with their animal instincts and nature. There is a graceful primal power in large cats, and I especially associate it with black panthers.

In waking life, I love cats (and other animals), and had a strong bond with a black and white cat, with some of the same white markings as the cat in this dream.

Why a black panther and not another large cat? It lives in the jungle, which is lush and full of life. I associate blackness with depth, richness, and fertility.

Why is it so young? Perhaps this is a part of me I am starting to get in touch with (again) and develop a deeper connection with? Perhaps it is, in a sense, young and needs protection – or, at least, attention.

Why will I have to part ways with it? Because it will grow up and get too big and dangerous. Also, I live in civilization and it doesn’t fit or belong there.

Why on the edge zone of wilderness (jungle) and civilization? Because that’s where I metaphorically live.

Why this dream now? Perhaps because my partner is currently visiting a place in Latin America that is profoundly sacred and is infused with a deep, sensual, feminine, earthy sense of the divine. Last night, we talked about both visiting there soon and looking into possibly living there.

Also, in general, I am exploring befriending and awakening contractions, which helps me get in touch with this side of me.

What’s the main theme of the dream? What struck me the most was the anticipation of parting. I knew that the idea of having to part in the future came from what I have heard others say and convention. Perhaps we could find a way to be together? Perhaps I could live in the jungle? Perhaps I could live on the edge of the wilderness, and it could have its wilderness life, I could have my civilization life, and we could both have that edge existence together? There are other ways. It may be too wild for conventional civilization, but I don’t have to live that life. My calling may be different.

Update: Later the same morning, I went for a walk in the forest to spend more time with this jaguar. I imagined it growing up and we finding ways to stay together.

As we heard someone approaching us, the jaguar wanted to hide in the forest. This helped me see that my mind saw the jaguar as a physical flesh-and-blood jaguar with the same behavior as these. We then had a conversation about the jaguar not being a physical flesh-and-blood jaguar, so we didn’t have to follow conventions applying to the physical world. It’s a universal jaguar. It’s part of me. It can keep the helpful and primal characteristics of physical jaguars, and leave some of the ones less helpful – like running away when we meet other people.

Update 2: It’s a few days later and I thought I would add a few things. When I wrote this post, I searched for a photo of a black panther I could use, and that prompted YouTube to show me a video of a black panther. That video and that channel were, in many ways, the answer to the dilemma in the dream. The channel is about Luna the panther, which lives with a human, even if she is now adult.

Photo: Ron SInger

Dream: Genuinely supportive school class

I sit in with a school class, perhaps 16-17 years old. I feel a little uncomfortable at first, and notice my old school-age fear of being judged coming up. I write down a dream on a piece of paper. One young man tells the class he would like to perform a song he created. He does, and a group of 6-7 other kids stand behind him to be backup singers. After this, another asks me what I wrote down, and I tell him it was a dream. He says he is very interested in learning more about exploring dreams, and seems sincere and genuine. I realize that this is a class of kind, genuine, and very supportive people, and I notice it’s a bit difficult for me to really take it in and feel it.

When I was in school, I rarely experienced this kind of authenticity, kindness, and mutual support. I experienced the contrary until perhaps high school where new people came into my class and the culture changed a bit. The class in the dream is early high school and may reflect my own experience of a culture change at that time.

In many ways, I didn’t feel much support in childhood in general. There was never any material lack, and we had regular mealtimes and so on. But this kind of authenticity, genuine kindness, sincerity, and consistent and real support was absent from my family, school, and teachers. They all seemed to operate more on fear – insecurity, and fear of judgment – and I learned to do the same.

I have more intentionally and consistently supported my inner community this summer, and that may be reflected in this dream. The dream shows me how a genuinely supportive community looks, and that a part of me is still unfamiliar with this and has trouble completely taking it in.

Dream: Krishnamurti

I am with Jiddu Krishnamurti and he is clear and optimisic, but has one slight regret. He had hopes about a specific young man who he thought would be a light for humanity, and what happened didn’t exactly follow his ideas and hopes.

We have a free and flowing conversation, as if we are old friends who understand each other easily, and share our perceptions of a range of things. Someone says the easy connection is because we are at about the same level.

There is a sense that when he talks about the young man he had hopes for, he is talking about himself and me as well. In clarity and oneness, we are the same, and in our human expression there are a lot of similarities as if we were brothers.

We look at some art the young man had made, and Krishnamurti expresses some disappointment. I point out that the art is actually quite good, and he can see that as well. (It’s a watercolor with yellows and reds and a lot of layers and depth.)

I help him see that what happened was perfect in its own way, and that it was his ideas about what should happen that set him up for the disappointment. Life didn’t follow his ideas, and that doesn’t mean what happened was wrong. He agrees and is able to find more peace with it.

Through the dream, I had a sense that the three of us were the same, and I didn’t always know if he talked about himself, or the young man, or even me.

Of course, the topic of this dream reflects his own life. He was expected to be a light for humanity by theosophists, and then chose to go his own way. The young man in the dream did the same. And it reflects a theme in my own life. I had high hopes for myself – in art, psychology, research, and so on – and it didn’t materialize for a variety of reasons, including major health challenges.

The dream-maker in me may have chosen Krishnamurti for exactly that reason, and since it mirrors something in my own life. I generally like him, have read about him and some by him, and generally like his writings, but it hasn’t resonated as much with me as some others. (Adyashantiy, Byron Katie, Douglas Harding and so on.)

In the dream, I help him find peace with what happened, and even see that what happened had its own beauty. This is a process I have gone through in regards to myself and my own hopes and ideas about my own life, which took a different turn than the young version of me had hoped for or planned.

Just like Krishnamurti in the dream, I am helping myself see the beauty of what happened and find more real and genuine peace with it, grounded in a more honest and sincere relationship with it.

The essence of the dream is the easy connection and communication with Krishnamurti, as of old friends who understand each other well. The sense that the three of us – him, me, and the young man he is talking about – are all expressions of the same clarity and oneness, and even as humans have a lot in common. And helping finding peace with lost dreams and hopes, and seeing that what actually happened has its own beauty.

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Dream: Renovating a community center

I am in the town where I grew up, and in a kind of community center with several buildings. I am in the main building, which is next to the kitchen/dining area, and talk with several people. They are different ages, including young, and from different parts of the world. A young woman is indigenous from the Americas. An older man is Tibetan and a Buddhist teacher.

There is a sense of sacred orientation here, although not so it excludes anyone. (Not even people who see themselves as non-spiritual.)

I walk outside, and see a couple of other buildings on the property that are worn down and in disrepair. A couple of people are there, and I think they are caretakers but they seem a bit resigned. I think they even sleep in one of the worn out buildings.

I suggest to them, and the people running the place, that they tear down the old buildings and build something new. They can get the community involved in the planning and building, and invigorate a sense of community and give new life to the community center. They think it’s a good idea and we are moving forward with the plans.

The town is the town near Oslo I grew up in. The community center has more of a feeling of Green Gulch in Marin County (USA) than anything I have found in Norway. The people there are from around the world, including indigenous from the Americas and a Tibetan man who is a Buddhist teacher. A couple of buildings are in use and in good shape, and a couple are unused and in disrepair. We are embarking on an enlivening and invigorating project or rebuilding, with the help of the local community.

It seems that this dream is about parts of me that’s been here since childhood. Some parts are in use and international. Some parts in disrepair, and we – as an inner community – are working on rebuilding and making the community center more alive again.

In waking life, I am embarking on an adventure in a new location which may invigorate and enliven old and perhaps temporarily abandoned parts of me.

Dream: Secret agent

I am a secret agent on a mission with two women. They are both red-heads and play the role of my wife and (grown) daughter respectively. The mission has lasted a while, perhaps some months or years (?), and we have successfully completed it and are extracted out of the situation. We are followed, but are able to shake them off. The one playing the role of daughter got out earlier and separately. When I see the two next to each other, I say: Nobody would think you are not mother and daughter. After a debrief, we are giving new identities. I notice I have fallen in love with the woman who played my wife, and plan to explore the possibility of a life with her.

There is a sense of completion in this dream. We successfully completed the mission, got out out danger, and transmitted the information we had gathered. There is also a sense of new beginnings with new identities and lives ahead of us, and the possibility of a life with the one who had played my wife. I knew that becoming smitten in these situations was a general possibility, and also knew that this was deeper than that.

What is the secret mission? I am not sure. I have been doing some “deep dives” into contractions coming up lately, and becoming more intimate with it. That can feel like a secret and slightly dangerous mission at times. That’s also mirrored in what’s happened over the last ten or so years, with the dark night of the soul and (involuntarily) deep dives into parts of myself it’s been challenging to meet.

Both of those are similar dynamic, in the micro and macro, and both can feel like slightly – and sometimes a very – dangerous missions.

In waking life, I am about to start a new adventure in a new place. It’s a new beginning and a new life.