Dream: In charge of a hospital/rehabilitation center

I am newly in charge of a hospital and rehabilitation center. I used to favor activity and short stays for the patients. Now, I want to modernize and encourage deep and long rest, and then activities only after people are thoroughly rested and recovered. A nurse who is deeply into this way is on my side. I ask her to help me, teach me, and be in charge of the transition. An older doctor is of the old school and we talk about how to make the transition easier for him. The nurse is kind, wise, intelligent, and one hundred percent dedicated. I am deeply grateful we are working on this together.

As I woke up, I knew this dream was about the radical rest approach to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. The night before, I had talked with a friend of mine about it and how something in me is deeply drawn to it. I told her I am dreaming about it (in the sense of waking dreaming). Now, I also have night dreams about it.

Apparently, I have a metaphorical nurse in me who is deeply into and loves this approach to recovery, and who is wise, kind, and dedicated. We are a team, and I have put her in charge of the transition since she knows more about it than I do.

The old doctor is my own old mindset about this. I used to rest to recover after an activity and then immediately get back into activities and spend the little energy that was saved up. I still notice this tendency in me. This is part of the before, during, and after rest, which I am quite familiar with and is essential. Now, I want to engage much more in the “extra” rest and allow my body to have resources for deeper healing.

I am newly in charge of this hospital and rehabilitation center. I am definitely newly in charge in that I want to transition from the old mindset (spend energy as soon as it’s here) to the new and modern one of resting extra so the body has enough resources to actually heal.

The dream was all in Norwegian. Likely because I am in Norway now, and maybe also because Norwegian is my first language and more intimate and close to me. It’s more close to the center of who I am. It was also in Norway that the CFS initially started, in my teens, so maybe it’s fitting that I am working on how to better relate to it here.

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Dream: I am a young black man at university

I am a young black student at a university in the US. I get the sense it’s the 1950s. In a math class in the first semester, I do far better on the exams than the white teachers expect. They are convinced I cheated but can’t prove it, so they make me take the class again. Again, I do very well and they assume I cheated. They consider their options, which is to make me take it for the third time or expel me from the university. I beg them to sit down to me, ask me to explain how I would solve the different types of math questions, and see me work it out. That way, they can easily see that I can do it. It will give them peace of mind, and it will allow me to move on.

I seem to be able to remember dreams again.

SHIFTING SURFACE IDENTITIES

In this dream, I am someone different from my identity in waking life. That, in itself, is a reminder of my more fundamental nature. To myself, I am not fundamentally this particular human self with these particular identities. The surface identities are more fluid than that, and I can be any number of other people and beings in my dreams, and during visions. (In this dream, and in some visions, my waking life identity is completely gone.) More fundamentally, I am something else. I am what it all happens within and as.

WAKING LIFE

In terms of waking life, it reflects a recurrent theme: Someone assumes something (wrong) about me, and whatever I say or do doesn’t help. It happened several times in school when other kids would tell the teachers I did something I hadn’t done, I got called into the principal’s office, and I didn’t even know what he was talking about. My brother did the same with my parents, who believed him and not me. And it has happened several times since then too, with other people.

In some cases, I contribute to the situation by not telling people something relevant about me in advance, and also not doing much if anything to clear up the misunderstanding. If someone misunderstands something about me, I typically – at least in the past – don’t say much if anything to correct it. (For instance, when I joined a nondual spiritual group in Oregon, I didn’t tell them anything about my background. They assumed I was a novice, and kept assuming it while I was active with them. When I shared a link to this blog with a teacher I met with regularly, he seemed upset and assumed I had taken the content from somewhere else.)

Why haven’t I spoken up? A few things come up. There is a part of me that enjoys seeing how the minds of others work, and they seem invested in a certain story for whatever reason. I also don’t like to appear to want to present myself in a good light, even if it involves correcting a misconception. In my childhood, it happened several times people had strong ideas about me based on what someone else had said, and whatever I said to correct it didn’t work. (My brother and his friends would blame me, much younger than them, for what they had done, and my parents believed them and not me. Students at school would blame something on me, and I got called into the principal’s office for something I hadn’t even heard about.) My experience is that it doesn’t work.

More to the point, all of this is in me. These dynamics happen in me. How do I not listen to myself? When don’t I trust and believe in myself? I can find many examples of that. I remember several times when my inner guidance was clear, and I chose to do something else – usually out of fear of losing the love and approval of others. I didn’t listen to myself and lived the consequences. (Some examples: Moving to Wisconsin after my initial marriage and leaving my graduate studies, my Zen community, my friends, and a place I deeply loved and felt at home. Not telling my partner I have studied architecture at a graduate level so she dismissed my design proposal for our tiny house.)

In the dream, I do speak up. I am standing up to myself, eventually. I propose a solution that may work for everyone.

ALL PARTS OF THE DREAM MIRROR SOMETHING IN ME

All parts of the dream mirror something in me. It all comes out of and happens within and as the consciousness I am. Also, everything in the world in general mirrors something in me.

The young black man faces discrimination, just like my system (it’s more than just my psyche) discriminates against parts of me. He represents parts of my shadow, and he is brilliant and goes to university. By not including that part of me, and other parts in the shadow, I miss out on a lot of brilliance. More to the point, I miss out on being more real, authentic, and human, and on the rich diversity in me. I miss out on experiencing the fullness of me. I miss out on perspectives that can help me understand myself and others.

I am spending time with my birth family these days, and there are dynamics there I assume are partly in my shadow. There are things my personality doesn’t particularly like, I see it more in them than in myself, and there is a richness there if I can embrace it more in myself. If I can find more peace with it, and also acknowledge it in myself.

What does he represent, more specifically? I am not quite sure. He is someone who is brilliant, and his brilliance is not recognized because it’s not in the form that’s expected and approved by mainstream white society. My mainstream orientation doesn’t approve of or recognize the brilliance of something in me because it’s not in the expected or desired form. I’ll have to be with that for a while to see what comes up.

THE ESSENCE

What’s the essence here? I can find a few:

One is to speak up for myself. In what situations do I not do it? How can I do it more?

Another is to listen to and believe in myself, which in this case means my inner guidance.

And yet another is to keep an eye out for parts of me I disown, dismiss, and overlook, and see how it is to include it more fully. What do I see in others, that’s not in the package my personality prefers, that’s secretly brilliant and I can find in myself? Right now, what do I see in my birth family?

Stand up for myself. Listen to my inner guidance. What’s brilliant in others, in a form I don’t like, and how can I embrace it in myself and them?

The two first are ongoing for me, so I may spend more time with the third right now.

EXPLORING DREAMS

When I explore my dreams, I usually do it in a few different ways.

I look at what it mirrors in my waking life. I look at all elements of the dream as reflecting parts of me. I look for any other insights or dynamics that can be interesting. (In this case, a different surface identity points to what I more fundamentally am.)

I sense into it. I look at what I felt as I woke up and what associations I had. I may dialog with elements or beings in the dream. I may take on their role and see what comes up.

I find the essence of it for me, expressed in a simple sentence as a reminder, and see how it is to bring that into daily life.

In general, I like to sense and feel into it and approach it viscerally although it’s obviously interpreted and expressed in words here.

UPDATE: THE BRILLIANCE IN TRAUMA

I have spent some time with: What’s brilliant in my birth family that my personality doesn’t particularly like? And how can I embrace it in myself and them?

What I see is that even their hangups – their issues and traumas – are brilliant. They were formed early in life to deal with a difficult life situation. They have kindness and intelligence in them. (Even if they now bring suffering.) How is it to viscerally get it?

That’s beautiful to notice. It’s beautiful because it’s true, and it heals something to recognize it. It shifts how I relate to it in myself and them.

I have seen and felt this when I have explored my own issues and traumas. They are here to protect me. Their essence is love and a kind of wisdom. They were the best my system could come up with at the time and in the situation when they were created. There is innocence and even beauty in it, even as they also create suffering. There is beauty and wisdom in the suffering too. It’s the motivation to later examine the issues, invite them to unwind, and find another way that works better now.

How is it to not only see and feel that with my own issues and traumas, but also theirs? How is it to stay with it, let it work on me, and transform something in me?

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Dream: Roshi is promoted to the highest level of teacher

I am back in Salt Lake City and am sitting in a café in the university and/or Avenues area. By coincidence, I catch a glimpse of Genpo Roshi wearing an odd-looking traditional Japanese outfit. He has a tall spiraling reddish wig, wears an elaborate and colorful kimono, and looks a bit nervous. He leaves. I see where he is going and follow him. As I enter the a building near the old Zen center, I see him in a room full of Japanese Zen masters. In the next room are several westerners I know from my time at the Zen center. Genpo Roshi is being promoted to a very high level of teacher, traditionally seen as having a kind of cosmic significance.

Yesterday and the day before, I saw a photo on social media from the time I was at Kanzeon Zen Center in the ’90s. I was reminded of that time, also because I saw comments from several I know from that time. Also, there is a small Zoom group of people from that time meeting regularly, and I am invited. I haven’t joined yet, mostly because of social anxiety and feeling a bit ashamed I didn’t continue that particular path. I deeply loved being there and the practice, and saw myself continuing and deepening indefinitely in that practice and path.

That did not happen. I got married and she, as she informed me the day after our marriage, refused to stay in SLC. I wanted to support her, in spite of her springing this to me after we were married and earlier having pretended she was open to stay, especially since she knew how much I loved being there. So I left what was most important to me – the Zen center, my friends there, my studies at the university – and felt profoundly and deeply off track. (I woke up with nightmares and panic for that reason for months after.) My life is still profoundly impacted by that decision and I still feel off track from it.

All of that was brought up by this dream.

What is the dream about? My old Zen teacher is receiving the highest level of acknowledgment from the traditional Zen community in Japan. It’s a level I hadn’t even heard about, so rare is it. It brings up regret in me that I didn’t continue the path. I loved it so deeply. Maybe it’s a reminder of my longing to work with a teacher and group again more deeply? Maybe it’s an invitation to connect with Genpo Roshi again and that sangha?

There is also an aspect of theater to organized spirituality and religion, and it’s very much there in Zen. Roshi’s outfit was theatrical and a reminder of this theatricality. It’s something that’s a bit fun and entertaining, but I am unable to take it very seriously. For me, it’s mostly a distraction.

What if all are parts of me? I often tell myself that what I write about and my life and orientations are not much different from how it was in my teens. I wrote about more or less the same in my journal then as I do here. My favorite composer is the same (Arvo Pärt.) My views on the world and politics are much the same. My priorities are much the same. I don’t seem to have developed or matured much since then. If anything, I had a passion and determination that I seem to have lost – from feeling so deeply off track and from the CFS.

Maybe the dream is pointing to that something in me has maturity and has matured? I don’t really see it consciously, but that may be the function of the dream.

I also remember one of my last thoughts before falling asleep last night. My (current) wife said something and it reminded me of Genpo Roshi going through a dark night while I was there. Back then, I couldn’t relate to it. But now, I definitely can. I have gone through a dark night of my own for the last several years, and what I saw in him then is what I know from myself now. Maybe the dream is telling me that this too is a kind of maturing? Or, at least, that it can be used to mature? Not that I seem to have much choice in the matter.

I don’t know. As usual, I’ll stay with the dream for a while and let it work on me, and see if anything comes up.

I told my wife about it, and she showed me The Hierophant from the Tarot. On the card, The Hierophant has a crown with the same shape as the wig in the dream. She said I often show up in readings with this card. I don’t know much about that card and plan on reading about it.

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Own dream: Going down into the ground, meeting fears, and enjoying the process

I walk through the shopping center in Ski, Norway, and see a sign saying: “Calvin & Hobbes SALE”. I decide to check it out, and see that I have to go down a very steep and long escalator. I can’t even see the bottom. I notice some old fear of heights but tell myself “I’ll do it anyway” and don’t hesistate in going down. The journey down is quick and over almost before I know what happens. At the bottom is a wide, short, and low train car. I go inside with a few other people and we immediately take off through some tunnels. Here too, I notice some of my old fears – this time claustrophobia – but I decide to just enjoy it. We arrive in daylight, at a place that looked like a modern version of an old-fashioned amusement part. There are also many fun stores there. (It felt a bit like Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco or Pike Place Market in Seattle.)

The essence of this dream seems to be going down (into unprocessed materials in myself?), having some old fears come up, doing it without hesitation, and enjoying it.

Why the mall in Ski? Because I have spent a lot of time there. I actually enjoy being there. (I love nature and old towns much more, but it’s fun now and then.)

Why Calvin & Hobbes? I have seen several Calvin & Hobbes cartoons posted on social media lately, read an article about the philosophical aspects of the cartoon, and also know that the creator has just come out with something new. I love Calvin & Hobbes.

Why the fears of heights and claustrophobia? Because I have some of that in waking life.

Why was the journey quicker than expected? Not sure. I guess it doesn’t take much time to delve into deep unprocessed materials these days. It feels like slipping into the ocean.

Why the train car? I am not sure. It’s something that takes me through deep tunnels inside the earth. It had a driver, which may be a kind of guide. (A psychopomp.)

Why the amusement park? I love those old-fashioned amusement parks, and places like Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco and Pike Place Market in Seattle. To me, going into unprocessed materials in me feels a bit like going into an amusement park. There are all sorts of weird and interesting things there, and it’s fascinating and has an element of fun.

Why this dream this morning? Perhaps because I had a massage to release old tension in my shoulders yesterday, and that tends to bring up a lot of old material. I noticed some hopelessness, feeling paralyzed, and survival fears coming up, related to growing up with my birth family. I also received Vortex Healing (Miji mantra) to release what’s most entrenched in my system. All of that brought up things, and I did enjoy swimming in it and noticing what was there.

Of course, going into unprocessed material is often not so enjoyable. I have been doing it for decades now, and recognize many of the patterns and issues, so that’s perhaps why it now feels more like entering an amusement park.

This dream may be showing and reminding me of that aspect of the process.

Image by me and Midjourney

The dreaming process seems ongoing through the day and night

This is something that’s so ordinary for me, perhaps for my whole (?) life, that I don’t see it as something unusual or noteworthy.

The dreaming process of this mind seems ongoing. My mind seems to produce dreams during the day and also during the night.

Sometimes, these dreams are in the background although I can typically notice them if I bring attention to them. I watch the dreams form and unfold as if I am watching a night dream.

And sometimes, they take the form of night dreams which I either remember or don’t or vaguely remember or have a sense of.

I imagine it may be like this for most people, it’s just that we don’t always notice.

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Dream: Find my own way to do it

I am in Norway in the forest (Hebekskogen / Radiostasjonen) near where I grew up. I am back with the ones I grew up with, and we are all adults now. Every year, we return for a run of ten laps. We need to follow a path that’s similar to a Norwegian tourist attraction sign. I try to do it extremely conscientiously and notice it takes a lot of work and time. I even have to go by my parents’ house for each lap. I talk with the organizer. He seems a good guy and says: “Don’t worry! I don’t care about that at all, just do it your own way. Find your own way to do it, that’s all.” 

Many of my dreams are quite direct and don’t seem to need a lot of interpretation. (Even when they need interpretation it’s more in the form of going back into the dream and feeling into what resonates and possibly also interacting with the different dream elements – active imagination.)

In this case, I am back where I grew up. I am back into something basic in me from childhood.

Why in the forest? Perhaps because I have gone for many walks there through my life and love that forest, even if it’s not very wild. Also, we would often go there with my school to do different activities from nature-related quizzes to running and skiing.

We are all returning for an annual run of ten laps. This feels like the tasks we all need to do in adult life. Making sure the basic necessities are in place, pay the bills, eat reasonably healthy, go to the doctor, and so on. (I am doing a lot of those things right now.)

The lap is in the shape of a Norwegian tourist attraction sign. It reminds me of an infinity sign. Maybe it’s a reminder that life is, in a sense, infinite. There is nowhere to arrive. When it comes to the business of living, there is no place to arrive. Also, the sign is a bit convoluted which life often is. And life is a kind of sightseeing adventure.

The path goes by my parents’ house, which makes sense. A lot of my internalized shoulds come from them and were instilled in me there.

I try to do the run very conscientiously, as I often do in life. I try to follow the rules and expectations. I try to go beyond what’s expected of me. It’s exhausting.

The organizer is a very nice guy (not anyone I know from waking life) and says: “Don’t worry! Find your own way to do it.” Nobody cares if I do it exactly the way I think it should be done.

I don’t have to go by my parents’ house. I don’t need to follow the shape. I don’t need to make the lap big.

When I check in with him now, he says: No worries. The shoulds are only shoulds. Find a way to do it that’s comfortable for you and that you enjoy. Find a juicy and enjoyable way to do it.

It seems that my inner organizer – my inner conductor/director/captain – has a pretty chill side and would like to see me find my own way, find freedom from shoulds, and relax and enjoy life more. It’s a complement to – and in this case correction to – the overly conscientious side of me.

Of course, it makes sense to do some things conscientiously like paying bills and taxes. But in general, notice the shoulds and let them just be what they are. Find your own enjoyable way to do it.

It’s good medicine for me since I definitely have internalized shoulds from society (as we all do), have a strong conscientious and perfectionist tendency in me, and live a life that doesn’t fit the norms very much. (Just being a Norwegian living in the Andes mountains with a largish regeneration project there is outside of the norm!)

Yesterday, I took a day off from any shoulds. I set it all aside and didn’t think of anything on my to-do list. Instead, I just enjoyed myself, created some AI images, made some good food, watched a good movie, and went to bed early. I felt I needed it. I also noticed a voice in me saying: “You should really do all of those things on your to-do list. Better do it today than later.” Maybe that’s a kind of day residue for this dream?

Also, I am currently locked out from my bank account and had planned to pay two bills today which I am unable to do. I notice a part of me stressing out since I had said I would do it today and now seem unable to. How can I relate to this in a more comfortable way? The first is to remind myself that there is no actual deadline on these bills, and I have options. One option is to just let them know it will be a day later than I said. The other is asking someone to pay it for me, and then pay them back. I think I’ll go with the first option and explore finding comfort with it, even if – or perhaps since – it goes against my habitual pattern. (My habitual pattern is to find a way to follow through on what I had said I would do, even if it is more involved and effortful.) Today, I’ll choose the simple option.

Note: I feel what I wrote above became quite fragmented. It’s because I kept adding little things here and there as it came to me, and I didn’t organize it much as a whole.

Update: It’s now a few days later and I am still exploring this dream. Of course, I want to be a good steward of my life and a good citizen, however that looks. And, at the same time, I want to follow the example of the organizer. I want to see that I don’t need to follow any shoulds or expectations from myself or others. I am free to find a different way to do it. One that makes sense in the situation and makes sense to me.

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Dream: Unlimited embodiment

I read a book called “Unlimited Embodiment”. It’s very good and written by someone with extensive experience with embodiment and awakening, and a background from Vajrayana Buddhism (likely Bhutan).

This was more of a dream image than a narrative dream.

I would very much like to read a book with that title, written by someone with extensive experience.

Embodiment is very interesting to me. Awakening and embodiment go hand-in-hand and are really two sides of the same process. Embodiment is part of the awakening process. It clarifies and grounds the awakening. The natural movement of awakening is embodiment.

What is awakening? For me, it’s noticing what I more fundamentally am, and noticing that it’s my more fundamental nature noticing itself.

What is embodiment? It’s living from and as my more fundamental nature recognizing itself.

To me, it seems that both are endless. There is always more to notice and clarity. There is always further to go in living from it. Our human self – body, mind, and life in the world – keeps transforming and maturing in this process.

So yes, embodiment is unlimited.

Why Vajrayana Buddhism? I have a deep resonance with Vajrayana Buddhism with its inclusivity, Earthiness, and shamanic elements. I love it and have a lot of respect for it. (And did practice within it for a while a long time ago.) To me, it seems grounded and Earthy and seems to emphasize or reflect embodiment more than many other traditions.

Why Bhutan? Perhaps because their Buddhist tradition is more unbroken? (In Tibet, China has interfered a lot with Buddhism and Buddhist life and practice.)

Why did this dream come now? I am not sure. Perhaps to show me that it’s happening more than I sometimes think? I have worked a lot on healing issues in me, and that’s an important part of embodiment. It opens space for a more real and effortless embodiment.

Yesterday, I noticed that several things seemed more gone than I had noticed before, especially my dreams about the future, the things I wanted to do and achieve, and my role in the world. (These wore off since my life took another path due to my physical condition.) I am more just living here and now and enjoying a simple life. That’s part of the embodiment, and perhaps the dream is reminding me of this.

Another thing I notice is that I would love to write a book on embodiment, and Unlimited Embodiment seems a great title.

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Dream: I am retiring

I am retiring even if I am still relatively young. I am surprised by everyone showing up to celebrate (or acknowledge) the retirement. Most of them are from an eclectic spiritual group. I feel a bit isolated and like and outsider, and am touched that even the ones I don’t know very well seem to care.

What am I retiring from? What does retirement in the dream reflect? My sense is that it has to do with retiring from the many dreams and plans I used to have about the future. (Doing a Ph.D., writing books, doing art more full time again, living in New Mexico, and so on.) Something in me seems to release its grip on those dreams and visions, and it feels good. Maybe I am retiring from my old dreams and into the life I have? That feels most resonant with the dream.

In the dream, I feel a bit isolated and an outsider. My conscious part may be a bit isolated from the rest of me, perhaps because I have spent the last few months focusing on daily life tasks and less on intentionally connecting with the many parts of me. Also, this reflects a pattern in me from childhood. I have always felt a bit isolated and like an outsider, including in whatever spiritual group I have been involved in.

What about the people showing up to celebrate or mark the retirement? They are from a spiritual group I am involved with that’s pragmatic and eclectic and take a similar approach to me. They all seem to care and support me in the transition. These must be parts of me aligned with awakening (?) that support this retirement.

The night before this dream, I did mention to another that I used to invest energy and happiness in my dreams about the future (in my early twenties especially), and I cannot find that so much anymore. Also, I cannot find much investment in my old dreams of doing a Ph.D. and the other projects I had envisioned for myself.

Instead, I have new projects – like the regeneration project in the Andes – and notice I don’t invest energy in these new projects as I used to. I take a more pragmatic approach and know it can all change in a moment. I am engaged in it and do what’s needed to be a good steward of these projects, but I don’t seem to add so much of an extra charge to it as I did earlier in life.

I am very aware that this is just what it looks to my conscious side. I don’t really know what’s going on. But the change I seem to notice feels freeing. It feels more real. More aligned with reality. A bit more mature perhaps.

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Dream: A device that erases the painful charge of past events

My partner and I try a device that erases the painful charge of past events between us, and our relationship is far more fun, easy, creative, and flowing.

This was more of an image or a brief sequence than an unfolding story. My wife and I try a device that erases the charge we experienced from past painful dynamics between us, and our relationship feels fresh and new and has much more ease.

Some dreams are quite literal and to the point, and this is one of those. In waking life, my partner and I are very aware that our current relationship is colored by painful past dynamics, and we both need to work more on it.

Currently, I am using ho’oponopono to help me shift my relationship to those dynamics, her, and me. I visualize us in one of those past situations and say the four sentences. Ho’o is a good start, and to go deeper, we’ll need inquiry and perhaps energy work, in addition to conversations and actually changing how we act when things are triggered in each of us.

It’s not about forgetting anything. It’s about seeing more clearly what’s here. The charge reflects that something is unresolved, and the more resolved, the less need there is for that charge.

At one level, what’s happening is an interaction between her and my old hangups. We both have parts of us that are suffering and that, in some situations, get triggered. This is good in that they are brought to the surface. It can destroy our relationship if we don’t examine what’s going on. And it is an invitation and opportunity for each of us to examine what’s coming up in us, get to know it, befriend these suffering parts in us, find some healing in how we relate to what’s triggered (in us) and the trigger (in the other), and so on.

So why did this dream come up? It partly reflects what I and we are consciously working on. And it’s an image that serves as a reminder and reference point for me.

Dream: A very good young magician

I get tickets for a massive magic show in a large public library. I get there early, and realize the magician is a sixteen year old boy and his show is part of a school project. I am disappointed and then remember I only paid $15 for the ticket so it may be worth it anyway. When he starts performing, I realize he is very good. He has lots of charisma and natural confidence. What he is doing is world class magic and performance, and he seems mature, grounded, and insightful. I am also impressed by his team which involves most of the students in his school and parents and grandparents. They are all serving important functions in the project, and they are all there to fully support him. He is performing in a relatively small room, and his image and sound is projected holographically into other spaces in the building. The building is stone, similar to the main public library in New York, and it is somewhere in the US.

What is this dream about?

What made the most impression on me in the dream was his skills, maturity, and groundedness, and that he had so many people wholeheartedly supporting him.

In my life, the oneness shift happened when this human self was sixteen. It was a kind of magic and a lot of the magic of existence was revealed to me. (Most of what I write about in these articles was revealed, at least the essence of it.) In some areas – in my orientation towards life – I was also quite mature and grounded at the time, and I was quite skilled in certain areas (art).

In my teens, and especially around ages fifteen and sixteen, I felt like an outsider and unsupported. And I preferred to not be so visible or “out there” with myself and my insights and skills. (That pattern is still with me.)

In that area, the magician in the dream is the opposite of how I was and to some extent still am. He was completely supported by his community, in a way I didn’t experience in my teens. And he was very comfortable taking center stage, in a way I was not and still am not.

I have explored, over years and decades, finding more support for (and from) the different parts of me, and that may be reflected in this dream. The dream may show me the inner support I now have, and – in waking life – the support from my partner and some friends. My inner community is a supportive team, at least in this dream.

Why New York? I am not sure. We did talk about New York a couple of days ago. (Vortex Healing classes there.) And I like the central public library. (Which is one block from where the Vortex Classes are held.)

Why magic? Life and existence is magic. It’s an utter mystery. Also, what’s revealed in awakening can appear like magic to our psyche, as can the awakening shift(s) itself.

Why a performance? Living is a kind of performance. This human self performs its life on the stage of the world. These days, one of my medicines may be to act with more confidence and be more visible. How would it be to be more like this magician? How would it be to connect with and bring more out this part of me?

Why the holographic projections? Again, I am not sure. He was in one place and many places at once. All the different parts of our psyche – each of our subpersonalities – color the whole of our psyche. They are, metaphorically, in one place and in many places at once. (It partially also fits how our consciousness works. It’s everywhere in our experience of the world, since all of it is happening within and as the consciousness we are. And what more essential or greater magician, to us, than the consciousness we are. Life and existence itself seems to be like this, it’s in each place and everywhere at once.)

I am sure there is a lot more here so I’ll stay with the dream for a bit longer. That will also allow it to work on me, even if I don’t consciously get (all of) what it may be about.

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Dream: The house I grew up in

I live with my wife in an idyllic village (or small town) in Norway. It has beautiful green nature all around and overlooks a large lake. We love living there. When I was around twenty, I learned I had initially grown up with different people, and my father and mother had taken me from there when I was four or five years old. The house I grew up in until four or five was on the other side of the village, but I had not visited since I was there in early childhood. My wife and I go to visit. The building is large, circular, and with organic forms. The main room is spacious (double or triple height), and the large windows give a view to the lake. The other half of the building is two or three levels with smaller rooms. The building is a kind of community space and it’s full of life – familes, children, visitors – all enjoying themselves and engaging in different activities. The style is similar to Frank Lloyd Wright, and I now understand why I love this type of architecture and view so much. I had grown up with it. I am surprised I didn’t visit earlier since it was so close and I enjoy being there so much. I then visit the part of my family that’s still there. They are a bit formal and dry. One of them is my aunt. I am reminded of how different I am in my views, partly from having lived in several different parts of the world.

This dream has a lot of elements to it.

My wife and I live in an idyllic village in beautiful nature in Norway. That fits how I mostly experience my life. We are now in Norway, and it is beautiful. We have land and house in beautiful nature and by an idyllic village in the Andes. My cabin is by a lake, much like in the dream. The dream is a combination of these things, and may also mirror (aspects of) my inner landscape and village.

The building I grew up in is also beautiful and in a style of architecture I enjoy. (There is a waking-life connection here too: I used to be a member of the Unitarian Society in Madison and go to the building there designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.) It’s spacious, with a beautiful view, and it’s full of life and activities. It’s a community building. This mirrors what I enjoy in life, and again may mirror aspects of my inner world.

My family there is a little dry and formal, and one of my aunts (LK) from waking life is there. This part of my waking life family is quite Christian, in the old-fashioned Norwegian way, and I have always taken my distance from it. They too mirror something in me, passed on through my father’s family. (And probably my mother’s too since this is how most people in Norway lived some generations ago.) I don’t like this side of me very much.

The large building may represent my life before school age. It seemed larger and more expansive, and then I left it along with my parents. I knew about it in my twenties, and now I may be visiting it again more fully (?).

What’s the invitation in this dream? It may be to remember this more expansive life, visit it more often, and bring it into my life more fully. And also to more intentionally befriend the more dry and formal side of myself, embrace it, and include it in my conscious view and experience of myself. If or when I do, it will transform and become a more engaged part of the community.

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Ale’s cosmic dreams and one of mine

It’s night and I see long spiral chains (DNA?) coming down from the sky. They are made up of bright radiant golden light. I see them as immensely beautiful. When they reach the ground, they turn into my parents and my aunts and uncles.

– Ale’s dream #1

I am in the hammock on our land in the Andes mountains. It’s night. I open the eyes and I see one UFO in the sky. There are then hundreds of UFOs moving around in the sky creating sacred geometry patterns. My parents and aunts and uncles are there and we all see them.

– Ale’s dream #2 a couple of days later

The night sky is full of UFOs in a kind of grid pattern. They all blink synchronously. The whole world sees it and know that a big shift is coming. It’s a new era for humanity and civilization. We go from only knowing about ourselves to be part of a cosmic community of beings.

– my dream when I was in my late teens or early twenties

These are all dreams with a cosmic flair.

So what do they mean? What processes in the psyche do they reflect?

Ale’s first dream may be the most straight forward. She has worked a lot on healing her relationship with her family and finding healing for family and ancestral patterns. The dream may reflect that healing process. Her DNA is golden (divine) and descends from the sky, and it turns into her close family.

The two UFO dreams are a little more puzzling. My best guess is that they are expressions of a shift in consciousness. Perhaps a visceral shift in our worldview, in how we relate to existence and life in general, and/or in how we experience our own nature. (All of those tend to go together.) These shifts tend to come out of an awakening or healing process, and each one is one of many in the larger process.

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Dream: A more nuanced Buddha

I am with an English Buddhist group. They have two images of Buddha side-by-side. One is a grey and white tone image with not much details. The other is the same, but with colors and a lot more details. It shows an attention to the nuances and details of awakening and living from and as our nature noticing itself.

I connected by accident with an English-affiliated Buddhist group in Oslo. (I walked along a street, saw it, walked in, and had a very good conversation with the guy running it.) I liked their approach. They seem pragmatic and down-to-earth without losing the essence of what it’s about. The group in the dream has a similar vibe.

The images are similar to Roy Lichtenstein paintings: large blow-up versions of printed comic books where you can see the dots making up the images. The first is white and grey with a little yellow. The second is exactly the same but with a lot of details within each of the dots making up the main image, and with more and brighter colors.

I love both the simple picture of awakening and going into the details. Over the last few months, I have explored the simple image in my writings here. Maybe the dream is inviting me to go back to explore the details and nuances more?

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Dream: A neighboring intentional community is moving

I am on a big lush land owned by me and my wife. We have it as a nature preserve, regeneration project, and grow food there through food forests and vegetable gardens. It’s somewhere in North-America, maybe the North-East of the US.

A group of neighbors are visiting, about fifteen people mostly young(ish) adults. They have an intentional community combining farming and spirituality, and tell us that they are about to relocate to England. I am surprised I didn’t know about them since we are neighbors and doing very similar things. My wife knew about them and have had contact with them.

I notice my memory and cognition doesn’t work very well, and mention to my wife that it’s difficult for me to socialize as much as before for that reason.

I also imagine they do more formalized spiritual practices, and notice that I am more interested in fluid and organic explorations these days. (Informed by all the structured practices I have done in the past.)

One of them begin a free movement exploration. I join in, and go into a deep process where I relive – viscerally and through movement and images – the evolutionary process of our ancestors starting with single celled organisms and up through the generations. I enjoy it a lot.

We then sit outside in chairs where we used to have a café and talk and enjoy ourselves. I notice I will miss them a lot.

This was a quite strong dream, a small “big dream” that stayed with me for a long time.

WAKING LIFE CONNECTIONS

This land is very similar to our waking-life land in the Andes mountains in size and intention, just located further north and more lush.

The intentional community is similar to Lost Valley in Oregon and other communities I have had connections with and love. (I love the idea behind it and when it functions well and even sometimes the messiness of it since the intention behind is good.)

My wife knew about them and I didn’t, which is similar to my experience with our land in the Andes mountains. Since my Spanish is not yet very good, she tends to know a lot more about what’s going on than I do.

My thought about structured practices mirrors my waking life these days. I am more interested in a more fluid and organic exploration, and just being and living my life. One of them starts just such a more fluid and visceral exploration, I join in, and enjoy it a lot. I was obviously wrong in my assumptions about their approach.

Why the visceral exploration of the evolution of our ancestors? It’s something I have always been drawn to and connected with. I was fascinated by it from early childhood, and later found and loved ways to explore it. (Systems views, Deep Ecology, eco-spirituality, Big History, the Universe Story, the Epic of Evolution, and Joanna Macy’s practices to reconnect.)

I have the same memory and cognitive problems in my waking life as in this dream. It’s partly from CFS and partly a long-term effect from when I had covid last year. This summer, I have felt it has changed how I interact with people and I have been more self-conscious about it.

I will miss the community, which mirrors that I miss these types of communities in my waking life. The place where I live in the Andes mountains has some of the characteristics of an intentional community since it’s quite small and there are many there working on regeneration, sustainable food production, yoga, meditation, and so on. I want and plan to be more engaged and involved in this community.

One of the people in the group was Devon which I knew somewhat in waking life. She was involved in these kinds of things in Oregon and I knew her through that loose community of like-minded people. I wonder if that has to do with the community moving to England, perhaps to Devon? (I lived in Devon for six months some years ago and loved the communities I found there and the combination of earthy spirituality and taking care of nature.)

These are some of the connections with my waking life.

ALL ME

If I see the dream as all me, what do I find?

The land represents something I am protecting and taking care of in myself, and which is lush and nourishing.

I may miss my inner intentional community since I have been more focused on practical everyday things the last few weeks. (Getting a house ready for sale.) I have limited energy, so I have set aside inner work and my inner community. The dream may remind me that I enjoy my inner community and miss that connection.

Why was I not aware of the intentional community? Is it because I haven’t focused on it – “forgotten” it – for a few weeks now? Maybe the feminine side of me keeps being aware of it, while I consciously set it aside?

What does it mean that the community is moving? Why England? I am not sure.

I will be with the dream more and see what comes up.

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Dream: Not standing up for myself

An ex is taking me to court. The case seems obviously absurd to me and I imagine others will see it too, so I am not taking it very seriously. During my testimony, I take responsibility for far more than what is really my responsibility, and I highlight my own shortcomings and her virtues. I want to show that I am not in it to “win” or make her look bad. I distort the picture in her favor. In addition, I have been assigned a lawyer who is retired, bumbling, and clearly incompetent. After a while, I realize that my ex is doing exactly the opposite: She is presenting herself in a good light and me in a bad light, and does everything to win and bring the judge and jury over to her side. I realize I will likely lose, based on the distorted picture the judge and jury is receiving.

In the dream, I know what’s happening and that I will likely lose because of the way I am dealing with the situation, but it’s such an ingrained pattern in me I can’t help it. And that reflects my waking life. I often don’t stand up for myself at crucial moments and in crucial situations.

My ex is someone who did act in this way as our relationship ended. She acted so I lost my share of the house we owned together, and most of my belongings. And I allowed it to happen because I assumed she would be fair, and I didn’t want to go into some kind of adversarial situation.

The lawyer in the dream is an English gentleman who used to work as a lawyer in Hong Kong. Perhaps I see this pattern – to take responsibility for far more than is accurate, and highlight my own shortcomings – as being a kind of gentleman? A part of me certainly sees it that way, although it’s not my conscious view.

Why Hong Kong? Perhaps because it shows that he likely retired more than twenty years ago? He mirrors the part of me that’s here to be an advocate for me but is bumbling, incompetent, and retired a long time ago.

Why now? In waking life, I am in a situation where I am not fully standing up for myself and what I see as the best way to approach a project. (It has to do with designing and building a house without being there to find the location and oversee the process, which to me seems profoundly unwise but others involved in the process don’t want to put it on pause until we can be there.)

This is a big issue in my life and most of my regrets and frustrations have come from it. A part of it is a fear of conflict and confrontation, a fear of hurting others if I take up more space and stand up for myself, and a fear of being seen as someone who just wants things his way.

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Dream: Being visible / playing the main character in a Guillermo del Toro movie

Guillermo del Toro tells me casually that he wants me to play the main character in his new movie. He says he thinks I will be perfect for the role. I first hesistate since I am not an actor, and then decide to embrace it, trust him and his judgment, and see what happens. We are aquaintainces so we already know each other to some extent.

My natural impulse is often to say “no” because others can do it better than me. (That’s a hangup and an issue for me.) Here, I instead decided to trust him and his judgment and go with the flow.

I like many of del Toro’s movies, partly because of the mythological themes, and I especially love Pan’s Labyrinth. From the little I know about him, he seems like a level-headed person who follows his own vision.

Although we didn’t talk about it in the dream, I know that the role is a person with chronic fatigue (CFS), and that’s partly why I would be perfect for the role. It’s not the main focus for the character or the movie, but it is one of the ingredients.

So what’s this dream about?

In my life, I am playing the role of someone with CFS and it’s not the main focus but one of many ingredients. Perhaps the dream is inviting me to see that I am perfect for that role, and to embrace it more fully and go with the flow, in spite of some remaining hesitancy?

The dream may also invite me to take in more fully that it is a role. Any role we play in life is a role. It’s not all of what we are or all of what our life is about, we may not play these roles for our whole life, we could easily play other roles, and none of it is what we more fundamentally are.

And it may also invite me to see the mythological and archetypal aspects of my life and life in general. I have gone through a phase of (intentionally) taking a more mundane view on things, so maybe it’s time to again embrace the magical and mythological aspects of life?

Day residue: I saw and posted an article about Guillermo del Toro where he says: “I fear natural stupidity, not artificial intelligence”. And my wife mentioned that a friend of hers used to be in a relationship with a movie director from Mexico, I first thought it was del Toro but it was AC instead.

Small synchronicity: YouTube showed me a clip from an interview with del Toro after I woke up.

Update: A couple of people have suggested that this is also about being the main character in my own life, and taking action. That feels true as well. When I am with others, I tend to see them as the main characters and myself as more peripheral. I often put my own wishes and needs second, although my health sometimes requires me to put them first. (This is reflected in that others are often the main characters in my dreams, even in this one.) Because of some issues combined with my health, I also tend to be more comfortable in an observer role and leave the talking and acting to others. So what’s the medicine? Perhaps to realize that I am the main character in my own life. I need to take care of my own wishes and needs and be a good steward in my life, including in smaller daily life situations. And to find more comfort with being more engaged and active. In general, this is about finding comfort with being more visible and the center of attention. (Which I tend to avoid.)

Update 2: The essence. It’s now a few days after this dream and it has had time to sink in and work on me. What stands out to me is being visible. I have one side that wants to be visible and seen and another that wants to be invisible and hide (from childhood experiences), and I haven’t quite found healing for that dynamic in me. I often hide, for instance, by turning down opportunities that would make me more visible. And another part of me resents it and wants to be more visible. When this dynamic is more healthy, we are free to flow between the two and find ease with it. In the dream, I trusted GdT and allowed myself to with the flow even if it would mean being visible. And not only visible but visible to potentially millions of people!

This ties into being the main character in my own life and being more engaged and acting in life. And it also ties into the GdT interview YouTube showed me immediately after the dream where he talked about being in the role of a movie director and needing to be tough as nails and stand up for your own vision while at the same time being deeply vulnerable and sensitive.

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Dream: My twin brother

I meet someone and it is as if we see ourselves in the mirror. He looks like me, only with shaved head and face, and we also discover that we were born in the same place. We find it amusing and a funny coincidence, like each other, become friends, and are part of the same friend group.

Later, he tells me his birthday, which is the same as mine. He has realized that we are twins, and I am realizing the same. We are moved and happy and realize our lives will never be the same. We have a deep love for each other, and we will be in each other’s lives from now on.

He works with NRK (the Norwegian Broadcasting Corporation) and has a project with the Eurovision Song Contest. A mutual friend of ours has four free passes, and she gives one to me. We are having a lot of fun with the unusual setting and the campness of it all.

This dream may reflect (a) a wish to have a brother like that, and (b) my process of befrending and finding love for myself. (AKA the content of my experience, and all the different parts of me and the parts of me that represents me of different ages.) My twin in the dream is me, and we love each other.

What about the Eurovision Song Contest? I watch it and find it fun and enjoyable, and I did watch some clips from the Eurovision movie a few days ago. I like the campness of it, although the music is (obviously) terrible – and that’s part of the charm. I enjoy going outside of the terrain I am familiar with.

That too is part of finding love for all the different parts of me. Embracing diversity in society go hand-in-hand with embracing the diversity of my experience and myself.

In the dream, my twin looks like Jean-Marc Barr. In waking life, we are somewhat similar to each other although not like twins. I identified with him when I first saw The Big Blue in my early twenties, and the movie made a big impact on me. At some level, maybe because freediving is similar to diving into who and what we are, especially the emotional realm.

In my twenties and thirties, I had fire, passion, and focus similar to his character in the movie. (That took a nosedive when I got sick fifteen or so years ago and the dark night went into a much more intense phase.) Maybe the dream is pointing to refinding that fire and passion? In daily life, there are more moments of connecting with it these days.

Another side to this, which a friend reminded me of, is that Odd Nerdum painted a portrait of me in my early twenties, and he painted me as a twin. He painted two of me.

This felt like another “big dream”, especially as I knew that my life was changed forever.

There is also a synchronicity here: As has happened before, my wife and I had parallel and similar dreams. In this case, she dreamt she was in a romantic relationship with a woman very similar to herself. They fall out because of a misunderstanding and later begin to reconcile. That’s part of any relationship and may reflect her process of befriending sides of herself.

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Dream: Elevator shaft

My partner and I are taking the elevator up, leave the elevator, and enter the space above the elevator. It’s small and dark, and I notice I am OK with it. I accidentally push a wrong button, and the space gets smaller. We are fine and will still be able to get out. I remember I have claustrophobia, and remind myself of the inifitely vast space outside of this little room. I connect with that space, and am OK.

I have some claustrophobia in waking life and have been reminded of it since I will need to go up in the attic (very low ceiling) and unbolt some furniture in the downstairs rooms hanging from bolts from the attic.

So what’s this dream about?

The claustrophobia and small space are how it feels when I get caught up in stressful thoughts. My vision gets narrow and my mind creates a sense of a very small space for itself. I set aside and forget the bigger picture.

In my waking life, I have explored this lately. When I notice a tendency to go into a stressful thought, I remind myself of the bigger picture. My life is infinitely more than this one situation or topic. The world is infinitely larger and richer than this. I intentionally connect with the infinite space that’s already here.

And that’s what happened in the dream as well. I found myself in a small and dark space, felt claustrophobia, and reminded myself of the infinite space already here.

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Dream: A couple that brings to life what they most wish to experience

I am visiting BH and his wife. Their house is beautiful, and it’s clear they enjoy beautiful, fascinating, and interesting objects. The house is next to a small river, and we dive from a part of the house overhanging the river. She starts kissing me while he is watching, and I participate without quite understanding what’s happening. In general, there is an atmosphere of enjoyment, freedom and that they have created a life where they bring their dreams into reality.

BH is a creator of short documentaries I follow on social media, and I know a little about his life through what he has shared. He is someone who does seem to bring his dreams, including the dreams of his boyish self, to life. He travels to exotic locations around the world, he collects fun and interesting things, they have created a beautiful home, and he is working on fun and interesting projects he is passionate about.

That seems to be the essence of this dream: Bringing what we wish to experience into life, in a playful and free atmosphere, and that includes both grown-up and childlike wishes.

Although I have followed and lived many of my dreams, at least for a while, I have also denied myself some essentials of what I wanted to experience and live. Often because of internalized shoulds from my family and culture, and also some hangups and limiting beliefs and identifications.

The dream may invite me to notice this and that I now have more freedom – inner and outer – to bring more of what I wish to experience to life.

What do I wish to experience? What are my deeper dreams and wishes? How can I bring it to life? What are the steps?

When I am at the end of my life, what kind of life do I wish to look back on? What’s in that life?

A few additions:

Why did I have this dream? Perhaps because my parents are moving out of my childhood home and I will live there for a few months getting it ready to be sold. (My mother already moved out, and my father moves out at noon today.) Also, I have the start of a new life at Finca Milagros in the Andes mountains, and I am considering if I also wish to live somewhere else. Costa Rica? Portugal? Who knows.

Why was I confused when she started kissing me? Because my mindset in the dream was a conventional and proper one, and she and they did something unconventional and “improper”. The dream showed me that my mindset is often less free than it needs to be.

What are some examples of what I haven’t allowed myself? (a) In the past, and especially in my teens and early twenties, I missed out on a series of possible relationships that I really wanted to experience. I wanted it, and the other too, but I was too shy (read: scared) and slow, the other assumed I wasn’t interested and moved on, and I deeply regretted it afterward. (b) I didn’t finish a degree I really wanted to finish, out of a misguided sense of loyalty to my then-spouse. I wanted to support her in her education, so I gave up my own. (That’s not the whole story, but an important part of it.) (c) I have hidden my history and fascination with awakening from most people in my life, including several spiritual coaches/teachers. I have possibly missed out on helpful interactions with fellow explorers. (d) I have not pursued further connections with spiritual guides/teachers I admire and feel a connection with, even if they saw me and wanted to have that connection. (Especially with teachers at Vækstsenteret in Denmark.) I have also not gotten involved with the Headless Way community even if I love that approach and how they do it, and they talk very clearly about what was revealed to me in the awakening shift in my teens.

Much of what I have regretted comes out of a dynamic in me of wanting to be hidden/seen. A fear of being seen and being visible (from family patterns and personal childhood experiences), and also wanting to be seen and being visible. There is a push and pull there, instead of a more healthy relationship with being seen, and more fluidity around it.

And what are some of the things I would like to bring into my life? (a) Being more real with people in my life. Be more open and transparent about my fascinations, interests, and history. (b) Pursue and nurture connections with people I really resonate with. Develop these connections further. (I sometimes let it go, even if I experience a deep resonance and/or curiosity.) (c) Enjoying the small things more fully. (I already do it but can nurture it even more.) (d) Travel and live in a few more places. (e) If possible, immerse myself in the regeneration and rewilding project at Finca Milagros. Share freely my experience with others. Create or support a local network of people doing the same. (f) Build one or more buildings on Finca Milagros, and design them mostly myself so I really love them. (g) Possibly write a book about what I explore in these articles. Instead of more articles, create more developed chapters for a book. That way, it may have a reach and lifespan beyond this website. (In some ways, it feels like each of these articles is a kind of rehearsal for book sections.) The nice thing about this list is that it’s all definitely doable. It’s more than possible. The main obstacle is within me. (h) Possibly get more involved in communities that deeply resonate with me, like Vækstsenteret in Denmark and the international Headless Way community.

Dream: I will inherit a house important for the extended family

I marry into a large and social family where most of them get together almost daily in a large house. I am told they have chosen me to one day inherit that house, and say I am honored and will continue the tradition of hosting the gatherings in the house. The family is of all ages, the interactions are free and healthy, and I love being part of it. (Although also feel a bit like an outsider since I am not used to it from my own birth family.)

This dream mirrors my previous one of soul friends. In this case, it’s a large and warm extended family getting together informally daily in a large house. I love it and feel grateful to be part of it.

Why was I chosen to inherit the house?

In the dream and now, my sense is that it was their way to show me that they trust and love me and want me to feel included. They hand over the responsibility to me, knowing I will continue the tradition and do what’s best for the family as a whole.

Why did I dream this now?

Maybe because I am with my birth family in Norway, and wish it had been more like this. (And loved it at the times it was more like this.)

Maybe also because I love my extended family in Norway, and have a lot in common with most of my cousins.

And definitely also because I did marry into a family like this, a year and a half ago in Latin America. The dream reflects my waking life there, and I wish to be far more part of it. (Especially as I learn better Spanish.)

In waking life, I was responsible for us buying a large piece of land where my wife’s father and mother will build their houses, and perhaps also others. I have always wanted to be part of an intentional community like that, where we live on a large piece of land and have separate houses.

In general, the dream may nudge me to host gatherings more and bring this more into my life. (I used to do it a lot more than I have over the last few years, and the change has mostly to do with my health.)

What does it mirror in me?

Dreams often mirror waking life and more directly my inner life.

The dream may reflect a wish to be that kind of house and host. To have the inner environment to host these types of warm and social gatherings of many different parts of me.

It may reflect that this is already happening and that my system is moving in that direction.

How can I be a better host for my inner community?

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Dream: Soul friends

I am having a breakdown and am with friends for some days. I love their company and feel nurtured and supported. I am very grateful for them and life.

I notice I feel embarrassed about the “breakdown” label, but that’s the one I used in the dream. I was completely comfortable with my friends in the dream, so I was also comfortable using that label and any label. I was completely comfortable being myself and reflecting my experience in words.

By breakdown, I meant exhausted and overwhelmed. And that reflects aspects of my waking life. I am in Norway helping my parents get their house ready for sale, and it does feel overwhelming in some ways. (I am doing fine and am good at resting and doing it in portions, but in my mind, it can feel exhausting and overwhelming, especially when I imagine into the future.)

I am blessed with soul friends like the ones in the dream. I have soul friends I feel nurtured and comfortable with. (In waking life, they are spread out around the world, and in the dream, several were in one place. I notice I miss having more in one place, where I live. I miss an in-person community like that.)

Dream: Finding eight minerals on the land and their essence

I am at Finca Milagros with several people at different ages. We participate in a kind of challenge or game, and our task is to find eight types of minerals on the land. We will identify and collect a sample of each, and purify them through a chemical reaction. The process is slightly different for each mineral, and will bring out its essence. We can work individually or as a team, and we are initially somewhat disorganized. I take charge of the process to help us all work together and get it done in an easier and more efficient way.

I see a couple of themes here. One is to extract the essence, in this case of something from the land. Another is to support a group in getting organized and doing the task in a more easy and efficient way.

Why Finca Milagros? I am not sure. I experience a deep connection with this magical land, and from the first second I saw and stepped on it, I sensed (?) it wanted me there to protect it. (That’s something I have not experienced before or since.)

Why disorganized and then take charge? I assume this mirrors being internally slightly disorganized and finding some order by taking charge.

Why extract the essence? In the topics I explore here, I like finding the essence and simplifying. (While also knowing there is value in the complexity and in each of the different layers.)

Why minerals? I love the minerals at Finca Milagros. They are beautiful and diverse and include fossils and crystals. I have collected a few special ones.

Why eight? Again, I am not sure. When I return to the dream, what comes up is that there are four cardinal directions, and eight may be the cardinal directions plus the four in between. My sense is that it has to do with fullness.

I’ll stay with this dream and see what more comes up.

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Dream: I am black

I am at Finca Milagros and have been here for a long time. (Playing my small role in supporting the land to become more vibrant and diverse.) As I pass a mirror, I see my face and am surprised. My face – and likely my whole body – is black and sinevy. I am surprised that people recognize me since I almost don’t recognize myself. The transformation is completely fine with me. It’s just what happens naturally by being here.

The sun in Finca Milagros is strong and regular, and it did recently go through my mind that I would get a lot darker by spending time here. I also sense that I will be thoroughly transformed by this land, just as I am supporting the land in transforming.

The dream may reflect this, and perhaps a knowing in me that it may or will happen. And it’s completely OK with me. A part of me is even enjoying it and wants it. It’s what happens by being here. The land transforms me.

I help the land regenerate and rewild, and the land may help me in a similar way. There is a mutuality here.

Dream: Friends from childhood

I am in South America and see several school mates from elementary school in a roadside restaurant. One of them is SES, a good friend from that time. We talk. He has his son with him and as they walk down a path, they visually almost disappear. Their bright yellow and orange t-shirts with a chess square pattern blends in with the orange light and the pattern from the sun filtered through the leaves. It’s fascinating to me how they become camouflaged.

In a post yesterday, I wrote about how I have done healing for a childhood situation where I felt bullied. I noticed that my memory focused on being bullied, and of some friends turning on me when the bullies were present.

SES from this dream was a friend who never turned on me. He was consistently a good friend, which this dream reminds me of. When I focus on the bullies, my mind sometimes camouflages the ones who were good friends, just like in the dream.

My sense is that this dream reminds me of the bigger picture. I had good friends, and my mind sometimes overlooks that when I focus on the bullies.

Memory consists of mental images and words happening here and now. It’s created and recreated in each moment. Memory is imagination that we label memory, it’s our interpretation of what happened, and is more or less accurate in a conventional sense. It’s not an accurate representation of what happened.

Dream: Cleaning the sound system

We have a large sound system for listening to music (Ale, me) and composing music (me). 

It consists of electronic units at the bottom with large transparent cabinets of liquid above them. Air bubbles have collected at the top, and especially in the units where I compose music. 

We give the system to a woman passionate about sound and music. She cleans it and removes all the bubbles and air so it sounds much better, especially for creating music. 

She was delighted that we enjoyed the process and the outcome. Ale and I loved the process and the new and much better sound. 

(My father and/or brother are as shadows in the periphery, and they are unimpressed, don’t see any reason for cleaning it, and don’t notice any difference.)

I assume this reflects some kind of inner cleaning (healing) process, which makes it easier to listen to and produce metaphorical music. My sense is that music is a metaphor for life itself. (And maybe it’s also literally about making music.) 

Ale and I are delighted. 

And my father and brother are not interested in this, so they are unimpressed and don’t see the need for it. 

Which reflects waking life. 

Note: I did go through a quite strong process yesterday. A core issue relating to my birth family came up and processed in my system throughout the day. I wonder if this dream reflects that process. As I write that, my inner guidance says “yes”. (The issue is around being unsupported, my father repeatedly throwing out the things most important to me, and so on.)

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Dream: Becoming more intimate, finding my own way

I am with a group of people. We are in a kind of workshop and are presented with several conundrums in a spiritual context. I realize that my old approaches are not enough anymore. I need to find something more intimate to the situation and me, something that’s more organic and real.

The conundrums in the dream were life koans – situations without an obvious solution that life presents to us. These are the real koans. (The typical koans from Zen are standardized practice-versions of universal life koans.)

In the dream, I was faced with these life koans and it was clear that any standardized approach was not enough. I needed to become more intimate, find a more organic approach, and follow my own guidance.

I can, of course, draw on everything I have learned and all the different more formalized approaches I am familiar with. And yet, when it comes down to it, I need to find my own way. I am my own final authority. I need to find an approach in each case that feels deeply right and authentic to me and the situation.

Anything else will feel at least slightly off and out of alignment.

This is similar to clothes. We can find clothes in the store that fit more or less and may be sufficient for most purposes. But if we want clothes that fit even better, they need to be tailored and they need to change over time as we change.

I feel I have been in this process for a while, and it does require some intention to break out of old grooves of using standard approaches and find something more genuine and authentic.

After all, life is inherently free from any approaches or traditions. Most or all of the standardized approaches come from a real and authentic experience which are then standardized to fit more people and situations. And they are meant as training wheels until we find a more genuine and authentic approach.

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Dream: Floating elevator

I am where the current chess tournament (Tata Steel) is held. It’s in a very large open space in an even larger building, like a hotel or conference building. I am with my wife and other people I know. They say we shouldn’t take the elevator because it can be difficult to stop and get out. My response is that they wouldn’t make elevators like that, so let’s take it. The elevator floats around inside the whole building and doesn’t stop anywhere long enough for us to leave it. I say, half-jokingly, that we can scream so people know we need help. Their response is that we can’t because there is a chess tournament here. I say: Yes, we can, watch. I scream, attract attention, and we get help. Later, Magnus Carlsen (the current chess world champion from Norway) comes over and was curious about what happened. I tell him, and he smiles.

The essence of this dream is the floating elevator. What does it represent?

Yesterday was the last day to sign up for the next Vortex Healing class for me (to get a discount), and I wasn’t sure if I would sign up. In the evening, I felt a lot going on energetically in and around my head, and a lot of pressure on certain areas of the head. I started feeling cooked, and it felt just like receiving a strong transmission in a VH class. I thought “it looks like I am supposed to be in that class”, and signed up.

When I checked internally what the floating elevator could represent, there was a clear and quiet “yes” from my inner guidance when I checked to see if it was connected with the upcoming VH class, for which the transmission already seems to have started for me (three weeks early). It’s not unusual that the transmissions to start before the class for me, perhaps because I need it more than most. (A system that’s impacted by decades of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and a chronic EB infection, perhaps combined with more-than-average developmental trauma.)

The work in my system from these transmission feels, in some ways, like being in an elevator floating around without stopping. And that’s also how the awakening process often have felt to me, long before I found VH.

Why floating without stopping? Because it is an ongoing process and I can’t see that there is any finishing line. And it’s floating because the world, this body, and everything is dreamlike in the sense that it’s happening within and as consciousness. There is no ground anywhere. In terms of identities or stories, there is also nowhere to metaphorically “land”, there is no story or identity that captures it or is close to having any final, full, or absolute truth to it.

Why a very large open building? Perhaps because that’s how I experience this body and my human self. It’s dreamlike, all consciousness. It’s spacious. It is as rich as the world.

Why a chess tournament? I am not sure. I have followed this particular chess tournament a bit, including for a few minutes before going to sleep, so that may be one reason.

Why Magnus Carlsen? Again, I am not sure. He is from Norway which is why I am slightly more interested in chess these days than my normal zero interest.

Why shouting? In my waking life, I often prefer to be anonymous and not seen (while I also wish to be seen), and I love silence and am often quiet as I go about my daily life. Shouting goes against this pattern and is healthy for me. Especially shouting at a chess tournament is going against my waking life pattern.

Perhaps that’s why this dream was set at a chess tournament. To make the shouting stand out even more.

Why did the others tell me not to enter the elevator? And why did I go against their advice? Hm. I have sometimes gone against my wife’s advice and then seen in hindsight that her advice made sense.

And still, in the dream, it turned out OK and more than OK.

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Dream: My inner fire

A firefox (kitsune) from Japanese mythology, envisioned by me and Midjourney (AI-generated image). This one has cat-like features since that’s what Merlina transformed into in the dream.

I find myself in London and in the place my (waking life) partner and cat live. They have both transformed and live on their own. The cat is larger and fully orange, almost like a mythological fox-cat being. My parter has bright orange hair and is younger. My partner is angry at me. She has to do something, and I go for a walk. I realize I forgot to make a note of the address, and get somewhat lost in the streets of London. I receive help from a few men who feel like friends. I remember I have my phone and that my partner’s phone number and address may in the contacts.

This feels like an especially important dream.

Being lost and disoriented has been a theme in my dreams for a while now. It comes from the dark night I have been through and feeling shattered and disoriented as if hit by a bus. Further back, it has its roots in leaving my inner guidance on a major life decision (when I got married the first time). And it may go even further back, to my childhood and not feeling completely grounded in love and acceptance.

I was initially a bit confused about this dream, although found something through active imagination. (A technique from depth psychology where I go back into the visuals of the dream, interact with the different elements, and ask questions and listen for the answers.)

Using active imagination, Merlina (the cat) said she was my inner fire, my animal fire. Similarly, my partner said she was my feminine fire. And London, to me and in this context, represents creative passion and fire.

My fiery part is angry at me for having given up on it. I had a lot of passion and fire in my teens and twenties, and it served me and my life well. Then, when I got married for the first time, and abandoned my inner guidance on major life issues, I gradually started losing contact with that passion and fire. And it’s been difficult to refind and embrace it as fully as I know I can and to the extent that feels right to me.

Now, that I finally have my own house and land and an amazing project (rewilding 14 hectares), I feel I have the stability to refind my passion and fire.

I told my waking-life partner about the dream. And went back into the dream images to ask my partner why she is angry at me. She said it is because I have given up on the fire and abandoned it. I am identified with being lost. That identification keeps me separate from the fire and passion that’s here.

When I then asked my waking-life partner the same question, and she gave the same answer. She said the anger is because I am identified with the dark night and the characteristics of the dark night. (Which includes feeling lost.)

I now also realize that the mythological creature our cat transformed into is a firefox, Kitsune from Japanese mythology.

This theme of refining my connection with my inner fire feels like a major theme in my life, something I continue to explore, and something very much on the horizon.

My recent explorations into AI-imagery is a part of this, as is continuing work on the house and rewilding project. All of this has to do with my inner passion and fire.

And I want to keep exploring my identification with the “lost” identity. What does it tell me? How does it play out in my life? What are the reversals, and the truth in them? How would it be to be free of this particular identification?

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Dream: I am African

I am with a group of people from around the world. We talk, and I happen to look down at my arms and notice my skin is dark brown. I realize I had forgotten and make a mental note that in the world, I am that way.

In the dream, it felt very natural, I just needed to remember. And if I had noticed I looked Asian or European, that would have been the same. I just needed to look and then remember.

NONE OF IT IS INHERENT TO WHAT I AM

For me, this dream is mainly a reminder that to myself, I am not inherently any of these things. I need to remember and then tell myself what I am. No label is inherent to what I am.

As I often write in other articles, I have a certain identity in the world. I have gender, nationality, education labels, profession labels, relationship status, address, political leanings, food preferences, and so on. None of that is wrong, and I need to know, remember, and play those roles reasonably well in order to function in the world.

And yet, what I am in my own first-person experience? What am I to myself? Here I find I am more fundamentally something else. I am capacity for my whole field of experience – which includes what thoughts can label the human self, others, the wider world, sights, sounds, sensations, thoughts, and so on. I am what all of it happens within and as.

Here, I have no inherent identity or label. I am inherently free of it all, and that allows all of it to come and go.

MY INNER AFRICAN

This dream also points to my inner African. Perhaps the dream is inviting me to be more in touch with these qualities and characteristics? Or that I am getting a bit more in touch with it?

What do I associate with being African? The ones I have met have been grounded, sane, enthusiastic, alive, and very much in touch with their body and movement. I also associate shamanic traditions, an emphasis on community life, dance, music, and so on. (I love many types of African music and have recently especially listened to the latest album from Sona Jobarteh.)

FIRST CONSCIOUSNESS, THEN HUMAN, THEN THE REST

Something else also came up for me related to this dream.

To myself, I find myself as capacity and what the (my) world happens within and as. And then there are layers of identities from the more universal to the more unique.

And that’s how I like to see others as well. I assume they are like me. To themselves, they are primarily consciousness. They are open to the world. They are space for the world. And then they are an expression of the universe and life, a part of this living planet, human, and finally and more peripherally a certain gender, ethnicity, and so on.

Note: In the world and in waking life, I am Northern European.

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The school from my dream decades back

This is a long story I’ll try to make short.

During the initial awakening period in my teens, I had some strong dreams that seemed to show me scenes from my future.

OREGON

In one dream, I saw myself in the Pacific Northwest in the US, in nature and a community of people with a shared interest in healing and sustainability. When I woke up, I looked at the map and saw it was in western Oregon. At the time, I lived in Norway and had no interest in going to the US. I strongly disliked the US for political reasons and saw no reason to go there. The thought of living there seemed even further removed.

Forward six or seven years, and I am studying psychology at the University of Oslo. A friend of mine had discovered a scholarship we both qualified for that would allow us to study psychology in some countries abroad, and he happened to have connections in Salt Lake City. We had very little time to explore possibilities, and I saw that University of Utah had courses in environmental psychology, health psychology, and a systems orientations to psychology, which were all topics I were interested in.

We went there, I found Kanzeon Zen Center and moved in there, and later got married.

And even some years later, more than fifteen years after the Oregon dream, I found myself in Oregon in just the situation described in the dream. I didn’t plan to move there for its own sake. We moved there because the university there had the best program for the topic I wanted to study.

LATIN AMERICA

I had a similar dream during the same time in my teens.

In this dream, I saw myself in Northern South America, with a partner from there. I was at a small local school and had a role there. Not exactly as a teacher but as someone deeply involved and supporting the school and children. Here too, I saw the location on a map. When I woke up and looked in an atlas, it looked like Northern Brasil or somewhere in that general area.

Fast forward thirty years, and I meet a woman from Colombia. We get married, explore parts of Colombia, and buy land in the Andes Mountains. We accidentally meet a longtime friend of my wife who has a house in the same neighborhood in the countryside, and we end up living in that house for three months while they were away.

On the small road to that house, very close to our land, is a small school. And it’s the school from my dream. The hairs on my body stood up when I saw it, and do so again when I write this. It’s the same school.

The only difference is that in my dream, there were three buildings, and in reality – now – there is only one.

So we’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll get involved with that school somehow. Maybe we’ll build two more buildings. It certainly needs help, and I cannot imagine anything better than helping children get a good education and more opportunities in life.

Dream: I need chemotherapy to get rid of plastic particles in my body

I am about to receive a kind of chemotherapy to remove plastic particles in my system. The nurse is kind and helpful. I notice a lot of naked fear come up.

I am not sure what this dream is about.

The plastic particles are artificial. They don’t belong in my body. They are low-grade toxic. The treatment is very strong and somewhat unpleasant. The nurse, the one administering the treatment, is kind and good-hearted. And naked and pure fear comes up in me.

That’s the essence. Beyond that, I am not sure but I have a suspicion of what it generally may be about.

Two days ago, I received a powerful healing from NH, and my first impulse when waking from this dream was to ask her about the dream. I intuited it had to do with her healing session for me.

Since my teens, I have noticed that when I check in internally, I cannot find a center line. It’s as if there are multiple center lines. I have also sensed that this has to do with trauma and parts of my system and consciousness not fully being in my body.

That’s what NH, as the first healer I have worked with, picked up on and worked on. And I wonder if this dream is connected with that process.

The plastic may reflect something artificial in me. In a sense, any belief is artificial. It’s the “head above the head” that some in Zen talk about. It’s an addition to our nature and a simpler and more direct way of living. In this context, the plastic may be the painful and fearful beliefs and traumas that make it difficult for me to fully be in the physical body and embody and live this life.

NH is kind and good-hearted, just like the nurse in the dream.

She is giving me strong treatment. It feels soft and gentle, and also very powerful.

And a lot of naked fear in me is coming up. This is the fear holding the partial disembodiment in place.

The dream may show me some of what’s going on around this, and also that the fearful beliefs behind the disembodiment are – in a sense – artificial and don’t belong.

Dream: At my uncle’s cabin

I am at my uncle’s cabin with my father, brother, and cousin. We are going out in my uncle’s home made canoe. It’s very large and heavy, and in three separate segments that each can be its own canoe. My father falls and goes under water inside one of the canoes, and my brother and cousin don’t seem to be concerned about it. I pull him up again.

I have had several dreams about my uncle’s cabin. Each time it’s the same cabin in the same location which is different from the real-life cabin and location. In my dreams, the cabin is dark, in a dark forest, and by a narrow and long lake.

I suspect that this dream has to do with my family inheritance – in terms of culture and psychological mindset. It feels heavy, dark, cumbersome, and far less efficient and light than could be possible.

My father goes underwater, perhaps submerged by somewhat stagnant emotions, and my brother and cousin don’t seem to mind. I am the only one taking action to pull him out.

This part of my family is from an area of Norway (Hedmark) with big dark woods and a stoic mindset where you grin and bear it and don’t talk about what’s going on with you. I have a sense that the darkness of the cabin and forest, the cumbersome and heavy canoe, and going underwater, all reflect that mindset and culture.

Since I grew up with this, and since it’s happening in my dream, this is all part of me. This dream, and my other dreams about this cabin, show me this part of me.

The dreams say: Here it is. See how it feels in your system. Bring awareness to it. And see what happens. How is it to recognize this energy in you? What happens when you relate to it more consciously?

In waking life, my uncle’s cabin – which is now owned by my cousin and his wife – is open and light, in a much more open area next to a wildflower meadow, and on a much larger and open lake. So the dream-maker in me is obviously transforming it into something much darker. My uncle was a kind of hero of mine when I was little, especially because he had a strong nature connection (he was a biologist) and lived a to me exotic life (he and his family lived in Tanzania for some years). On the other hand, he also had a quite stubborn and judgmental mindset which I discovered later.

In waking life, I am in the Andes mountains and in a culture that seems very different from what I associate with my father’s side of the family. Perhaps that’s why this comes up in my dreams these days? Perhaps it’s easier for me to notice this energy in me since it contrasts more with my waking environment and experiences?

Dream: I have ancient coins from around the world

I am in Norway, on the coast (Drøbak area), with my wife, father, and a group of young adults. We share an interest with the group of people. My father is driving, and he needs coins to pay an entrance fee or toll. We all go through our coins to contribute. I find my share, and also notice I have a large number of ancient coins from different cultures around the world, and I have gotten them without effort. They just came to me and I picked them up.

What do the coins represent? I assume something of value since they were valuable in their own time and are still very valuable. Perhaps ancient knowledge? Timeless insights?

Much of what I write about in these articles is relatively timeless and universal, although obviously filtered through me who is a child of my culture and time. And it did come to me relatively effortlessly. Most of it, and the essence of all of it, came in the initial spontaneous awakening shift in my teens. I didn’t see it echoed by others untial several years later.

I also have modern coins, which may be the knowledge required for our modern society.

Why the group of young people? We like them and get along well with them and there is a sense of community, perhaps because we all have similar interests. (I am not sure exactly what, but likely in sustainability and spirituality.)

Why Norway and my father? It may have to do with my roots in this life, and also where I was during the initial awakening shift.

Dream: A woven shirt encodes ancient sacred texts

A group of people are weaving a shirt that encodes an ancient sacred text. It’s very beautiful and woven with white and light blue threads made of a shiny material.

The pattern of the shirt encodes the sacred text, similar to the binary code of a computer.

It’s as if the sacred text is made physical, embodied, by being made into a shirt.

What’s the sacred ancient text? I suspect it’s the divine realizing itself in a timeless (ancient) way. The divine noticing itself as it is, and through and as a being living more consciously from and as what’s noticed. There is always further to go here.

Who is going to wear it? I am not sure. Since it’s my dream, it’s probably me, but I wasn’t completely aware of that in the dream.

I had this dream the night before the first day of my new Vortex Healing class (Awakening to Divinity), and the first night in the house where we will stay for the next month. (The photo above is from this morning.)

Dream: Finding empathy in Russia

I am somewhere in a rural village in Russia, at a public meeting about the war. Most of the people at the meeting are older and support Putin. I listen and want to learn more about how they see the world. I am curious. At the end, I speak and tell them how much I appreciate learning how they see the situation, finding empathy and understanding (even if I don’t agree), and enriching how I see the world. As expected, they look at me as if I am a weird fish, but I still enjoyed sharing it with them.

In the dream, as in waking life, I am very aware of the different worlds we live in, and how we are all shaped by our culture and background. I am aware that I am a typical liberal university-educated westerner and see the world much as would be expected of someone with that background.

In the dream, I seek to understand and find empathy with the ones seeing the world differently from me, and perhaps even where I agree. And my view on this situation – the invasion of Ukraine – is still much the same, although held with a bit more empathy.

This dream reflects my waking life explorations and curiosity. I have my own biases and views on the world (1), and they have been largely the same since my mid-teens. I wish to understand where others are coming from and what shapes their views. I wish to find where I agree with them. I wish to have the clarity and courage to stand up for my own views, while also taking the views of others into consideration. I wish to find empathy for all of us in this together.

The Russian invasion of Ukraine is one of the situations triggering all of this in me. I want to know more about how Russians see the situation. (I follow several western-leaning Russian YouTubers so I get to see that not all Russians support the war, and I follow channels where they interview ordinary Russians on topics related to the war.)

Living in the Andes mountains, with mostly locals as neighbors, also brings this topic up for me. I am very aware that I am a product of my background. I enjoy silence, want to protect nature, eat mostly healthy foods, wear relatively expensive clothes for being in that area, and so on. And many of the locals enjoy playing their radios loudly, are less concerned about nature and sustainability (surviving is a higher priority), and so on. We are all living out our conditioning.

I want to be true to myself and my needs. Take into consideration that we are all living out our conditioning. And see what happens as I keep exploring that dynamic and allowing it to work on me.

And the same goes for my inner world and all the different parts of me mirrored by the outer world. (It’s all happening within and as me anyway.) Here too, I am interested in understanding where the different parts of me are coming from, how they experience their world, what they need, how they are trying to help, and viscerally getting what their nature is.

(1) I support democracy. I am a big fan of science. (And knows many of the pitfalls and how it can be misused.) I see valid reasoning as important, as well as being aware of biases and logical fallacies. Although I am not a big fan of much of what NATO and the western countries do in terms of geopolitics, that doesn’t prevent me from strongly supporting Ukraine and wanting them to regain their territories. (And seeing Putin as a dangerous authoritarian leader that harms his own country and population, although many of them also support him.)

Dreams: Different locations

I am in the small Southern European island we recently visited. We live there and it’s peaceful, fun, and enjoyable.

I am on our land in the Andes mountain. It’s beautiful and I feel a deep resonance with the land. And I also see difficulties with some of the neighbors. The one we have had the most to do with is standing there unyielding and stubborn like a pole. (Which I can understand since she is relatively poor and wealthy foreigners come and buy land.)

I am in Norway, in the small town where I grew up. We have a small apartment there. Just across the main road, a meditation center has started. It has a good perspective on what they are doing, and it’s alive and thriving. A lot of people are there and there is a very active community. There are also smaller groups in each neighborhood. I am happily surprised and enjoy the aliveness of it very much.

I often feel that the nights are almost infinitely long these days (which is very enjoyable), and full of rich dreams. These were three of the dreams last night.

Why these dreams?

IN MY LIFE

The obvious answer is that we are considering all three options for living, at least part-time. The dreams may reflect this processing, and may also support the processing in that they emphasize aspects of these three options I could be more conscious of.

When we were in Norway this summer, it was far more enjoyable than it has often been in the past. I and my wife both felt far more at home there. (Oslo is becoming more cosmopolitan, which we enjoy. And there is another reason which I won’t go into here since it involves others.)

When we were in the South European island a couple of weeks ago, we both sensed that living there would be peaceful, relaxing, and fun.

And in our land in the Andes mountains, we have already experienced what the dream pointed to. Some of the neighbors are stubborn and not very happy about foreigners coming there, buying up land, and driving up the prices so the locals cannot afford land anymore. I completely sympathize, even if I am part of that problem.

We are exploring all the options. Taking in as much information as we can. Take one step at a time. And see how it all unfolds.

IN ME (A MIRROR)

There is also another side to this, and that is that dreams are a mirror for me, just as the waking world is and any imaginations I have. The dream figures and dynamics are parts and dynamics in myself. And dreams are often showing me emerging dynamics or sides of myself I can benefit from being more aware of.

All of these places from the dreams are parts of myself. I can easily find each one in me.

Recurrent dream: Russian invasion

Over the last few months, I have had several dreams on the same theme: I am in Norway and Russia is attacking with rockets.

This obviously connects with the Russian invasion of Ukraine, which I have followed in the media and which has impacted me as it has most others in Europe.

Consciously, I don’t really have fears of Russia attacking Norway. (1)

So what are these dreams about?

They may tell me that I have stronger fears than I am consciously aware of or want to admit to. Consciously, I don’t see any attack as realistic, and at some level I may still have fears I am not aware of and that the dreams invite me to get in contact with.

There is also a small chance they are premonitory. (2)

And the world is my mirror, independent of all that. The world and my dreams mirror parts and dynamics in me. Whenever I go into a belief, I go to war within myself. I go to war with reality and I tend to go into reactivity, defense, blame, and so on.

For instance, whenever I believe something about my partner, and especially something obviously painful, I go to war within the relationship whether it comes out in an obvious way or not. (Usually, it does eventually so I get to see it more clearly.)

So the dreams may reflect a fear I am not fully aware of or admit to. They may be premonitory, although I wouldn’t put money on it. And they definitely reflect wars within myself that happen as soon as I attach to stories as true, which is especially clear with obviously painful stories.

Holding any story as true, even the most apparently benign ones, is ultimately uncomfortable and painful because it’s at odds with reality. It’s a kind of war that comes with defense, attacks, suffering, and so on.

UPDATE AUGUST 24, 2022

In the recurrent dream, I am outside the house on the southwestern side. Earlier today, I was outside on that side of the house, and a fighter jet flew low over the house from the southwest to the northeast, just like in the dreams. It was a strange experience and a kind of synchronicity, although I don’t know what it’s about if anything. It’s very rare to see fighter jets here.

These days, with a continued weakened Russian military, any kind of conventional war between Russia and NATO seems less likely than ever. And it also seems very unlikely that Putin would use nuclear weapons since it’s clearly suicidal. (Although his rationality and connection with reality is questionable.) So that makes any premonition seem even less likely than it was.

So why the recurrent dream, and this real-life mirroring of the dream?

There may be something here I am still not seeing. For instance, I often experience a kind of invasion from someone in my life (who wants to dictate my behavior and even internal state so s/he can be more comfortable and not have their own issues triggered). It’s something I tend to dismiss or downplay in my own mind. Maybe these dreams are inviting me to notice it and take it more seriously and do something about it.

Footnotes

(1) It wouldn’t make much sense. (Although the invasion of Ukraine also didn’t make much if any sense, at any level, so that’s not really an argument.) They don’t have conventional military resources to engage in any successful invasions and especially not NATO countries. (In terms of conventional weapons and military, Russia is a mosquito compared to NATO and wouldn’t stand a chance.) If they were to attack targets in Norway, it would mean that WW3 had already started. And it would probably mean the use of (at least smaller) nuclear weapons.

(2) My whole life, I have had dreams of things that later happened – sometimes years later. (For instance, a dream in my teens of living in Oregon, which happened fifteen years later. A dream of living in Latin America, which happened maybe three decades later. A dream of my cat being killed in an accident, which happened a week later. And so on.) By invading Ukraine, Putin and Russia created a volatile situation that can escalate and eventually involve NATO – and Norway – more directly.

It may not be that Russia literally will fire rockets toward the Oslo area. That seems very unlikely. But the rockets in the dream may be more metaphorical and suggest a more direct involvement of NATO and Norway.

I should mention that when the war started in February, I had an unusually bad feeling about it. I had a sense that it would (or could) have worse consequences than most suspected. (I wrote about it back then.)

That feeling rarely happens, and when it does – about world events – it’s often accurate.

When I checked in more closely with my sense, at the beginning of the war, I saw a kind of black cloud moving out from Ukraine and towards the west into other countries. At the time, I want sure what it cold be. And later, I realized it may best fit radiation from a damaged nuclear reactor. I hope that will not happen.

Dream: Jaques Vallée & befriending the alien(ated) parts of ourselves

I am spending some time with Jaque Vallée and we are going for a walk while talking.

At some point, we get to the question of what motivates our desire to find or know about alien life.

I say that since my background is in psychology, I am biased. So for me, the question is not: “Are we alone”. The question is: “am I alone”.

For this, finding aliens is not the solution. The solutions is something we can only do for ourselves. By being with ourselves, by befriending the different part of ourselves, and especially the lonely and alien-ated parts of ourselves.

The day residue for this dream is seeing that the long-awaited documentary about the Ariel school incident (Ariel Phenomenon) is coming out later this month.

Of the different people talking about these things, Jaques Vallée is one of my favorites, not the least because of his interests in patterns and archetypes, and in looking at similarities between UFO stories and fairy tales, and so on.

The conversation is initially about the phenomena in general, and then switches to why we are interested in the topic. What are some of the motivations? A part is obviously a general curiosity and wanting to know about the world.

And for me, with a background in psychology, I am also interested in another motivation: The wish to not be alone. A wish for connection. If that’s a drive for us, it points to that we feel alone. And apart from the conventional solutions to this (making friends etc.), a root solution is to get to know and befriend the exiled, alienated, and alone parts of ourselves.

Finding aliens is not the solution to feeling alone. Befriending ourselves is. And it’s far easier and closer at hand than finding aliens.

Another side to this dream is that in waking life, I would likely not have this conversation with Jaques Vallée. I wouldn’t feel confident enough. I am much more free in my conversations in my dreams than I am in waking life.

Image: From Close Encounter of the Third Kind where the main scientist is modeled on Jaques Vallée.

Dream: Sentient robots are turning back humans with bad intention

A swarm of sentient flying robots are sent out to assist humans in colonizing a section of space. As humans follow, the robots on their own decide to return humans with bad intentions back to Earth. Humans cannot do anything about it.

This dream is seen from the perspective of this first wave of sentient robots. They are able to analyze a range of biodata to detect who comes with a kind and life-centered orientation, and those who have more narrow and less life-centered intentions. The latter group is sent back to Earth without having any chance to do anything about it.

This has the seed of an interesting science fiction story. And I know the day residue for this particular dream: I started watching the new Matrix movie the night before, and that story has flying sentiment machines that help humanity and life. (At least so far in the movie.)

What does this dream reflect in me? I have been more conscious of not acting on certain impulses in me, especially the grumpiness that can come up when my system is tired and exhausted and I may not have had enough water or food. Last night, I metaphorically “sent back” some of these impulses instead of acting on them. Since I have explored these type of dynamics for some decades now, it may be that the part of me checking and deciding to “send back” certain other parts of me is more automatic and more like a sentient robot.

Of course, there is a difference between sending back and not acting on. One may be a type of repression that doesn’t work in the long term. The other is a more conscious allowing of the experience while not acting on it and is a better approximation of what does work in the longer term.

In my case, last night, I decided to send back some things while knowing what I was doing, and that these parts of me are welcome at other times. It feels like bordering on repressions which brings up some unease in me. Perhaps that’s why this dream came. I am not sure.

The dream may also, for instance, remind me that I have this “gatekeeper” part of me and that it has the ability to help me not act on certain things. It just needs to be activated through some intention.

I’ll stay with the dream and see what comes up.

Note: This dream was like a movie where “I” as a human self was not in it, although all of it is of course sides of me.

Dream: Losing everything on a trip

I am traveling alone. At some point, I put my wallet on a counter, turn away for a brief moment, and someone steals it and runs away. I think to myself that I still have my passport, and then realize I don’t know where my suitcases are. I lost track of them at some point and cannot remember when I still had them. I feel disoriented and my nothing seems to stick in my memory. 

This dream resonates in a few different ways.

I am about to go on a long trip and am a bit concerned about just this. I still have covid brain after having had covid in February, and I do feel a bit more disoriented than usual and my mind seems to let things go through without sticking much (AKA poor memory).

I have had two or three dreams with a similar theme of disorientation recently. They may reflect a slight concern I have about it, and that I may not fully acknowledge either this concern or the symptoms or both.

Can I find more peace with these symptoms? I am already used to it due to the brain fog from chronic fatigue (CFS) so it’s not new, it’s just a bit more strong than usual. I have found relative peace with the usual CFS symptoms, so why not the covid brain? (Also, in daily life, I have found several strategies to compensate for it.)

There is also a theme of loss in this dream, as there is in my life. For a variety of reasons, many somewhat outside of my control, I have in different ways lost close to all of my possessions from up to a few years ago. Here too, I have mostly found peace with it and the dream may invite me to find even deeper peace and an even deeper appreciation for it. After all, life is nothing if not impermanence.

Update: This is a few days later. I have for months felt my system wasn’t nourished at a deep level, and I wanted bone broth to nourish my system without being able to have it. (A long story that involves being remote in the Andes.) Now, I have it and I can feel my system being nourished again at a deeper level. It seems my dreams have changed with this nourishment. During the period when I felt I lacked this deep nourishment, my dreams often involved feeling disoriented and confused. Now, they don’t anymore. I am not sure if the two are connected, but it seems likely they may be.