Tag: own dream

My partner and I try a device that erases the painful charge of past events between us, and our relationship is far more fun, easy, creative, and flowing.

This was more of an image or a brief sequence than an unfolding story. My wife and I try a device that erases the charge we experienced from past painful dynamics between us, and our relationship feels fresh and new and has much more ease.

Some dreams are quite literal and to the point, and this is one of those. In waking life, my partner and I are very aware that our current relationship is colored by painful past dynamics, and we both need to work more on it.

Currently, I am using ho’oponopono to help me shift my relationship to those dynamics, her, and me. I visualize us in one of those past situations and say the four sentences. Ho’o is a good start, and to go deeper, we’ll need inquiry and perhaps energy work, in addition to conversations and actually changing how we act when things are triggered in each of us.

It’s not about forgetting anything. It’s about seeing more clearly what’s here. The charge reflects that something is unresolved, and the more resolved, the less need there is for that charge.

At one level, what’s happening is an interaction between her and my old hangups. We both have parts of us that are suffering and that, in some situations, get triggered. This is good in that they are brought to the surface. It can destroy our relationship if we don’t examine what’s going on. And it is an invitation and opportunity for each of us to examine what’s coming up in us, get to know it, befriend these suffering parts in us, find some healing in how we relate to what’s triggered (in us) and the trigger (in the other), and so on.

So why did this dream come up? It partly reflects what I and we are consciously working on. And it’s an image that serves as a reminder and reference point for me.

I get tickets for a massive magic show in a large public library. I get there early, and realize the magician is a sixteen year old boy and his show is part of a school project. I am disappointed and then remember I only paid $15 for the ticket so it may be worth it anyway. When he starts performing, I realize he is very good. He has lots of charisma and natural confidence. What he is doing is world class magic and performance, and he seems mature, grounded, and insightful. I am also impressed by his team which involves most of the students in his school and parents and grandparents. They are all serving important functions in the project, and they are all there to fully support him. He is performing in a relatively small room, and his image and sound is projected holographically into other spaces in the building. The building is stone, similar to the main public library in New York, and it is somewhere in the US.

What is this dream about?

What made the most impression on me in the dream was his skills, maturity, and groundedness, and that he had so many people wholeheartedly supporting him.

In my life, the oneness shift happened when this human self was sixteen. It was a kind of magic and a lot of the magic of existence was revealed to me. (Most of what I write about in these articles was revealed, at least the essence of it.) In some areas – in my orientation towards life – I was also quite mature and grounded at the time, and I was quite skilled in certain areas (art).

In my teens, and especially around ages fifteen and sixteen, I felt like an outsider and unsupported. And I preferred to not be so visible or “out there” with myself and my insights and skills. (That pattern is still with me.)

In that area, the magician in the dream is the opposite of how I was and to some extent still am. He was completely supported by his community, in a way I didn’t experience in my teens. And he was very comfortable taking center stage, in a way I was not and still am not.

I have explored, over years and decades, finding more support for (and from) the different parts of me, and that may be reflected in this dream. The dream may show me the inner support I now have, and – in waking life – the support from my partner and some friends. My inner community is a supportive team, at least in this dream.

Why New York? I am not sure. We did talk about New York a couple of days ago. (Vortex Healing classes there.) And I like the central public library. (Which is one block from where the Vortex Classes are held.)

Why magic? Life and existence is magic. It’s an utter mystery. Also, what’s revealed in awakening can appear like magic to our psyche, as can the awakening shift(s) itself.

Why a performance? Living is a kind of performance. This human self performs its life on the stage of the world. These days, one of my medicines may be to act with more confidence and be more visible. How would it be to be more like this magician? How would it be to connect with and bring more out this part of me?

Why the holographic projections? Again, I am not sure. He was in one place and many places at once. All the different parts of our psyche – each of our subpersonalities – color the whole of our psyche. They are, metaphorically, in one place and in many places at once. (It partially also fits how our consciousness works. It’s everywhere in our experience of the world, since all of it is happening within and as the consciousness we are. And what more essential or greater magician, to us, than the consciousness we are. Life and existence itself seems to be like this, it’s in each place and everywhere at once.)

I am sure there is a lot more here so I’ll stay with the dream for a bit longer. That will also allow it to work on me, even if I don’t consciously get (all of) what it may be about.

I live with my wife in an idyllic village (or small town) in Norway. It has beautiful green nature all around and overlooks a large lake. We love living there. When I was around twenty, I learned I had initially grown up with different people, and my father and mother had taken me from there when I was four or five years old. The house I grew up in until four or five was on the other side of the village, but I had not visited since I was there in early childhood. My wife and I go to visit. The building is large, circular, and with organic forms. The main room is spacious (double or triple height), and the large windows give a view to the lake. The other half of the building is two or three levels with smaller rooms. The building is a kind of community space and it’s full of life – familes, children, visitors – all enjoying themselves and engaging in different activities. The style is similar to Frank Lloyd Wright, and I now understand why I love this type of architecture and view so much. I had grown up with it. I am surprised I didn’t visit earlier since it was so close and I enjoy being there so much. I then visit the part of my family that’s still there. They are a bit formal and dry. One of them is my aunt. I am reminded of how different I am in my views, partly from having lived in several different parts of the world.

This dream has a lot of elements to it.

My wife and I live in an idyllic village in beautiful nature in Norway. That fits how I mostly experience my life. We are now in Norway, and it is beautiful. We have land and house in beautiful nature and by an idyllic village in the Andes. My cabin is by a lake, much like in the dream. The dream is a combination of these things, and may also mirror (aspects of) my inner landscape and village.

The building I grew up in is also beautiful and in a style of architecture I enjoy. (There is a waking-life connection here too: I used to be a member of the Unitarian Society in Madison and go to the building there designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.) It’s spacious, with a beautiful view, and it’s full of life and activities. It’s a community building. This mirrors what I enjoy in life, and again may mirror aspects of my inner world.

My family there is a little dry and formal, and one of my aunts (LK) from waking life is there. This part of my waking life family is quite Christian, in the old-fashioned Norwegian way, and I have always taken my distance from it. They too mirror something in me, passed on through my father’s family. (And probably my mother’s too since this is how most people in Norway lived some generations ago.) I don’t like this side of me very much.

The large building may represent my life before school age. It seemed larger and more expansive, and then I left it along with my parents. I knew about it in my twenties, and now I may be visiting it again more fully (?).

What’s the invitation in this dream? It may be to remember this more expansive life, visit it more often, and bring it into my life more fully. And also to more intentionally befriend the more dry and formal side of myself, embrace it, and include it in my conscious view and experience of myself. If or when I do, it will transform and become a more engaged part of the community.

I am on a big lush land owned by me and my wife. We have it as a nature preserve, regeneration project, and grow food there through food forests and vegetable gardens. It’s somewhere in North-America, maybe the North-East of the US.

A group of neighbors are visiting, about fifteen people mostly young(ish) adults. They have an intentional community combining farming and spirituality, and tell us that they are about to relocate to England. I am surprised I didn’t know about them since we are neighbors and doing very similar things. My wife knew about them and have had contact with them.

I notice my memory and cognition doesn’t work very well, and mention to my wife that it’s difficult for me to socialize as much as before for that reason.

I also imagine they do more formalized spiritual practices, and notice that I am more interested in fluid and organic explorations these days. (Informed by all the structured practices I have done in the past.)

One of them begin a free movement exploration. I join in, and go into a deep process where I relive – viscerally and through movement and images – the evolutionary process of our ancestors starting with single celled organisms and up through the generations. I enjoy it a lot.

We then sit outside in chairs where we used to have a café and talk and enjoy ourselves. I notice I will miss them a lot.

This was a quite strong dream, a small “big dream” that stayed with me for a long time.

WAKING LIFE CONNECTIONS

This land is very similar to our waking-life land in the Andes mountains in size and intention, just located further north and more lush.

The intentional community is similar to Lost Valley in Oregon and other communities I have had connections with and love. (I love the idea behind it and when it functions well and even sometimes the messiness of it since the intention behind is good.)

My wife knew about them and I didn’t, which is similar to my experience with our land in the Andes mountains. Since my Spanish is not yet very good, she tends to know a lot more about what’s going on than I do.

My thought about structured practices mirrors my waking life these days. I am more interested in a more fluid and organic exploration, and just being and living my life. One of them starts just such a more fluid and visceral exploration, I join in, and enjoy it a lot. I was obviously wrong in my assumptions about their approach.

Why the visceral exploration of the evolution of our ancestors? It’s something I have always been drawn to and connected with. I was fascinated by it from early childhood, and later found and loved ways to explore it. (Systems views, Deep Ecology, eco-spirituality, Big History, the Universe Story, the Epic of Evolution, and Joanna Macy’s practices to reconnect.)

I have the same memory and cognitive problems in my waking life as in this dream. It’s partly from CFS and partly a long-term effect from when I had covid last year. This summer, I have felt it has changed how I interact with people and I have been more self-conscious about it.

I will miss the community, which mirrors that I miss these types of communities in my waking life. The place where I live in the Andes mountains has some of the characteristics of an intentional community since it’s quite small and there are many there working on regeneration, sustainable food production, yoga, meditation, and so on. I want and plan to be more engaged and involved in this community.

One of the people in the group was Devon which I knew somewhat in waking life. She was involved in these kinds of things in Oregon and I knew her through that loose community of like-minded people. I wonder if that has to do with the community moving to England, perhaps to Devon? (I lived in Devon for six months some years ago and loved the communities I found there and the combination of earthy spirituality and taking care of nature.)

These are some of the connections with my waking life.

ALL ME

If I see the dream as all me, what do I find?

The land represents something I am protecting and taking care of in myself, and which is lush and nourishing.

I may miss my inner intentional community since I have been more focused on practical everyday things the last few weeks. (Getting a house ready for sale.) I have limited energy, so I have set aside inner work and my inner community. The dream may remind me that I enjoy my inner community and miss that connection.

Why was I not aware of the intentional community? Is it because I haven’t focused on it – “forgotten” it – for a few weeks now? Maybe the feminine side of me keeps being aware of it, while I consciously set it aside?

What does it mean that the community is moving? Why England? I am not sure.

I will be with the dream more and see what comes up.

An ex is taking me to court. The case seems obviously absurd to me and I imagine others will see it too, so I am not taking it very seriously. During my testimony, I take responsibility for far more than what is really my responsibility, and I highlight my own shortcomings and her virtues. I want to show that I am not in it to “win” or make her look bad. I distort the picture in her favor. In addition, I have been assigned a lawyer who is retired, bumbling, and clearly incompetent. After a while, I realize that my ex is doing exactly the opposite: She is presenting herself in a good light and me in a bad light, and does everything to win and bring the judge and jury over to her side. I realize I will likely lose, based on the distorted picture the judge and jury is receiving.

In the dream, I know what’s happening and that I will likely lose because of the way I am dealing with the situation, but it’s such an ingrained pattern in me I can’t help it. And that reflects my waking life. I often don’t stand up for myself at crucial moments and in crucial situations.

My ex is someone who did act in this way as our relationship ended. She acted so I lost my share of the house we owned together, and most of my belongings. And I allowed it to happen because I assumed she would be fair, and I didn’t want to go into some kind of adversarial situation.

The lawyer in the dream is an English gentleman who used to work as a lawyer in Hong Kong. Perhaps I see this pattern – to take responsibility for far more than is accurate, and highlight my own shortcomings – as being a kind of gentleman? A part of me certainly sees it that way, although it’s not my conscious view.

Why Hong Kong? Perhaps because it shows that he likely retired more than twenty years ago? He mirrors the part of me that’s here to be an advocate for me but is bumbling, incompetent, and retired a long time ago.

Why now? In waking life, I am in a situation where I am not fully standing up for myself and what I see as the best way to approach a project. (It has to do with designing and building a house without being there to find the location and oversee the process, which to me seems profoundly unwise but others involved in the process don’t want to put it on pause until we can be there.)

This is a big issue in my life and most of my regrets and frustrations have come from it. A part of it is a fear of conflict and confrontation, a fear of hurting others if I take up more space and stand up for myself, and a fear of being seen as someone who just wants things his way.

Guillermo del Toro tells me casually that he wants me to play the main character in his new movie. He says he thinks I will be perfect for the role. I first hesistate since I am not an actor, and then decide to embrace it, trust him and his judgment, and see what happens. We are aquaintainces so we already know each other to some extent.

My natural impulse is often to say “no” because others can do it better than me. (That’s a hangup and an issue for me.) Here, I instead decided to trust him and his judgment and go with the flow.

I like many of del Toro’s movies, partly because of the mythological themes, and I especially love Pan’s Labyrinth. From the little I know about him, he seems like a level-headed person who follows his own vision.

Although we didn’t talk about it in the dream, I know that the role is a person with chronic fatigue (CFS), and that’s partly why I would be perfect for the role. It’s not the main focus for the character or the movie, but it is one of the ingredients.

So what’s this dream about?

In my life, I am playing the role of someone with CFS and it’s not the main focus but one of many ingredients. Perhaps the dream is inviting me to see that I am perfect for that role, and to embrace it more fully and go with the flow, in spite of some remaining hesitancy?

The dream may also invite me to take in more fully that it is a role. Any role we play in life is a role. It’s not all of what we are or all of what our life is about, we may not play these roles for our whole life, we could easily play other roles, and none of it is what we more fundamentally are.

And it may also invite me to see the mythological and archetypal aspects of my life and life in general. I have gone through a phase of (intentionally) taking a more mundane view on things, so maybe it’s time to again embrace the magical and mythological aspects of life?

Day residue: I saw and posted an article about Guillermo del Toro where he says: “I fear natural stupidity, not artificial intelligence”. And my wife mentioned that a friend of hers used to be in a relationship with a movie director from Mexico, I first thought it was del Toro but it was AC instead.

Small synchronicity: YouTube showed me a clip from an interview with del Toro after I woke up.

Update: A couple of people have suggested that this is also about being the main character in my own life, and taking action. That feels true as well. When I am with others, I tend to see them as the main characters and myself as more peripheral. I often put my own wishes and needs second, although my health sometimes requires me to put them first. (This is reflected in that others are often the main characters in my dreams, even in this one.) Because of some issues combined with my health, I also tend to be more comfortable in an observer role and leave the talking and acting to others. So what’s the medicine? Perhaps to realize that I am the main character in my own life. I need to take care of my own wishes and needs and be a good steward in my life, including in smaller daily life situations. And to find more comfort with being more engaged and active. In general, this is about finding comfort with being more visible and the center of attention. (Which I tend to avoid.)

Update 2: The essence. It’s now a few days after this dream and it has had time to sink in and work on me. What stands out to me is being visible. I have one side that wants to be visible and seen and another that wants to be invisible and hide (from childhood experiences), and I haven’t quite found healing for that dynamic in me. I often hide, for instance, by turning down opportunities that would make me more visible. And another part of me resents it and wants to be more visible. When this dynamic is more healthy, we are free to flow between the two and find ease with it. In the dream, I trusted GdT and allowed myself to with the flow even if it would mean being visible. And not only visible but visible to potentially millions of people!

This ties into being the main character in my own life and being more engaged and acting in life. And it also ties into the GdT interview YouTube showed me immediately after the dream where he talked about being in the role of a movie director and needing to be tough as nails and stand up for your own vision while at the same time being deeply vulnerable and sensitive.

My partner and I are taking the elevator up, leave the elevator, and enter the space above the elevator. It’s small and dark, and I notice I am OK with it. I accidentally push a wrong button, and the space gets smaller. We are fine and will still be able to get out. I remember I have claustrophobia, and remind myself of the inifitely vast space outside of this little room. I connect with that space, and am OK.

I have some claustrophobia in waking life and have been reminded of it since I will need to go up in the attic (very low ceiling) and unbolt some furniture in the downstairs rooms hanging from bolts from the attic.

So what’s this dream about?

The claustrophobia and small space are how it feels when I get caught up in stressful thoughts. My vision gets narrow and my mind creates a sense of a very small space for itself. I set aside and forget the bigger picture.

In my waking life, I have explored this lately. When I notice a tendency to go into a stressful thought, I remind myself of the bigger picture. My life is infinitely more than this one situation or topic. The world is infinitely larger and richer than this. I intentionally connect with the infinite space that’s already here.

And that’s what happened in the dream as well. I found myself in a small and dark space, felt claustrophobia, and reminded myself of the infinite space already here.

I am visiting BH and his wife. Their house is beautiful, and it’s clear they enjoy beautiful, fascinating, and interesting objects. The house is next to a small river, and we dive from a part of the house overhanging the river. She starts kissing me while he is watching, and I participate without quite understanding what’s happening. In general, there is an atmosphere of enjoyment, freedom and that they have created a life where they bring their dreams into reality.

BH is a creator of short documentaries I follow on social media, and I know a little about his life through what he has shared. He is someone who does seem to bring his dreams, including the dreams of his boyish self, to life. He travels to exotic locations around the world, he collects fun and interesting things, they have created a beautiful home, and he is working on fun and interesting projects he is passionate about.

That seems to be the essence of this dream: Bringing what we wish to experience into life, in a playful and free atmosphere, and that includes both grown-up and childlike wishes.

Although I have followed and lived many of my dreams, at least for a while, I have also denied myself some essentials of what I wanted to experience and live. Often because of internalized shoulds from my family and culture, and also some hangups and limiting beliefs and identifications.

The dream may invite me to notice this and that I now have more freedom – inner and outer – to bring more of what I wish to experience to life.

What do I wish to experience? What are my deeper dreams and wishes? How can I bring it to life? What are the steps?

When I am at the end of my life, what kind of life do I wish to look back on? What’s in that life?

A few additions:

Why did I have this dream? Perhaps because my parents are moving out of my childhood home and I will live there for a few months getting it ready to be sold. (My mother already moved out, and my father moves out at noon today.) Also, I have the start of a new life at Finca Milagros in the Andes mountains, and I am considering if I also wish to live somewhere else. Costa Rica? Portugal? Who knows.

Why was I confused when she started kissing me? Because my mindset in the dream was a conventional and proper one, and she and they did something unconventional and “improper”. The dream showed me that my mindset is often less free than it needs to be.

What are some examples of what I haven’t allowed myself? (a) In the past, and especially in my teens and early twenties, I missed out on a series of possible relationships that I really wanted to experience. I wanted it, and the other too, but I was too shy (read: scared) and slow, the other assumed I wasn’t interested and moved on, and I deeply regretted it afterward. (b) I didn’t finish a degree I really wanted to finish, out of a misguided sense of loyalty to my then-spouse. I wanted to support her in her education, so I gave up my own. (That’s not the whole story, but an important part of it.) (c) I have hidden my history and fascination with awakening from most people in my life, including several spiritual coaches/teachers. I have possibly missed out on helpful interactions with fellow explorers. (d) I have not pursued further connections with spiritual guides/teachers I admire and feel a connection with, even if they saw me and wanted to have that connection. (Especially with teachers at Vækstsenteret in Denmark.) I have also not gotten involved with the Headless Way community even if I love that approach and how they do it, and they talk very clearly about what was revealed to me in the awakening shift in my teens.

Much of what I have regretted comes out of a dynamic in me of wanting to be hidden/seen. A fear of being seen and being visible (from family patterns and personal childhood experiences), and also wanting to be seen and being visible. There is a push and pull there, instead of a more healthy relationship with being seen, and more fluidity around it.

And what are some of the things I would like to bring into my life? (a) Being more real with people in my life. Be more open and transparent about my fascinations, interests, and history. (b) Pursue and nurture connections with people I really resonate with. Develop these connections further. (I sometimes let it go, even if I experience a deep resonance and/or curiosity.) (c) Enjoying the small things more fully. (I already do it but can nurture it even more.) (d) Travel and live in a few more places. (e) If possible, immerse myself in the regeneration and rewilding project at Finca Milagros. Share freely my experience with others. Create or support a local network of people doing the same. (f) Build one or more buildings on Finca Milagros, and design them mostly myself so I really love them. (g) Possibly write a book about what I explore in these articles. Instead of more articles, create more developed chapters for a book. That way, it may have a reach and lifespan beyond this website. (In some ways, it feels like each of these articles is a kind of rehearsal for book sections.) The nice thing about this list is that it’s all definitely doable. It’s more than possible. The main obstacle is within me. (h) Possibly get more involved in communities that deeply resonate with me, like Vækstsenteret in Denmark and the international Headless Way community.

I am having a breakdown and am with friends for some days. I love their company and feel nurtured and supported. I am very grateful for them and life.

I notice I feel embarrassed about the “breakdown” label, but that’s the one I used in the dream. I was completely comfortable with my friends in the dream, so I was also comfortable using that label and any label. I was completely comfortable being myself and reflecting my experience in words.

By breakdown, I meant exhausted and overwhelmed. And that reflects aspects of my waking life. I am in Norway helping my parents get their house ready for sale, and it does feel overwhelming in some ways. (I am doing fine and am good at resting and doing it in portions, but in my mind, it can feel exhausting and overwhelming, especially when I imagine into the future.)

I am blessed with soul friends like the ones in the dream. I have soul friends I feel nurtured and comfortable with. (In waking life, they are spread out around the world, and in the dream, several were in one place. I notice I miss having more in one place, where I live. I miss an in-person community like that.)

I am in South America and see several school mates from elementary school in a roadside restaurant. One of them is SES, a good friend from that time. We talk. He has his son with him and as they walk down a path, they visually almost disappear. Their bright yellow and orange t-shirts with a chess square pattern blends in with the orange light and the pattern from the sun filtered through the leaves. It’s fascinating to me how they become camouflaged.

In a post yesterday, I wrote about how I have done healing for a childhood situation where I felt bullied. I noticed that my memory focused on being bullied, and of some friends turning on me when the bullies were present.

SES from this dream was a friend who never turned on me. He was consistently a good friend, which this dream reminds me of. When I focus on the bullies, my mind sometimes camouflages the ones who were good friends, just like in the dream.

My sense is that this dream reminds me of the bigger picture. I had good friends, and my mind sometimes overlooks that when I focus on the bullies.

Memory consists of mental images and words happening here and now. It’s created and recreated in each moment. Memory is imagination that we label memory, it’s our interpretation of what happened, and is more or less accurate in a conventional sense. It’s not an accurate representation of what happened.

We have a large sound system for listening to music (Ale, me) and composing music (me). 

It consists of electronic units at the bottom with large transparent cabinets of liquid above them. Air bubbles have collected at the top, and especially in the units where I compose music. 

We give the system to a woman passionate about sound and music. She cleans it and removes all the bubbles and air so it sounds much better, especially for creating music. 

She was delighted that we enjoyed the process and the outcome. Ale and I loved the process and the new and much better sound. 

(My father and/or brother are as shadows in the periphery, and they are unimpressed, don’t see any reason for cleaning it, and don’t notice any difference.)

I assume this reflects some kind of inner cleaning (healing) process, which makes it easier to listen to and produce metaphorical music. My sense is that music is a metaphor for life itself. (And maybe it’s also literally about making music.) 

Ale and I are delighted. 

And my father and brother are not interested in this, so they are unimpressed and don’t see the need for it. 

Which reflects waking life. 

Note: I did go through a quite strong process yesterday. A core issue relating to my birth family came up and processed in my system throughout the day. I wonder if this dream reflects that process. As I write that, my inner guidance says “yes”. (The issue is around being unsupported, my father repeatedly throwing out the things most important to me, and so on.)

I am where the current chess tournament (Tata Steel) is held. It’s in a very large open space in an even larger building, like a hotel or conference building. I am with my wife and other people I know. They say we shouldn’t take the elevator because it can be difficult to stop and get out. My response is that they wouldn’t make elevators like that, so let’s take it. The elevator floats around inside the whole building and doesn’t stop anywhere long enough for us to leave it. I say, half-jokingly, that we can scream so people know we need help. Their response is that we can’t because there is a chess tournament here. I say: Yes, we can, watch. I scream, attract attention, and we get help. Later, Magnus Carlsen (the current chess world champion from Norway) comes over and was curious about what happened. I tell him, and he smiles.

The essence of this dream is the floating elevator. What does it represent?

Yesterday was the last day to sign up for the next Vortex Healing class for me (to get a discount), and I wasn’t sure if I would sign up. In the evening, I felt a lot going on energetically in and around my head, and a lot of pressure on certain areas of the head. I started feeling cooked, and it felt just like receiving a strong transmission in a VH class. I thought “it looks like I am supposed to be in that class”, and signed up.

When I checked internally what the floating elevator could represent, there was a clear and quiet “yes” from my inner guidance when I checked to see if it was connected with the upcoming VH class, for which the transmission already seems to have started for me (three weeks early). It’s not unusual that the transmissions to start before the class for me, perhaps because I need it more than most. (A system that’s impacted by decades of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and a chronic EB infection, perhaps combined with more-than-average developmental trauma.)

The work in my system from these transmission feels, in some ways, like being in an elevator floating around without stopping. And that’s also how the awakening process often have felt to me, long before I found VH.

Why floating without stopping? Because it is an ongoing process and I can’t see that there is any finishing line. And it’s floating because the world, this body, and everything is dreamlike in the sense that it’s happening within and as consciousness. There is no ground anywhere. In terms of identities or stories, there is also nowhere to metaphorically “land”, there is no story or identity that captures it or is close to having any final, full, or absolute truth to it.

Why a very large open building? Perhaps because that’s how I experience this body and my human self. It’s dreamlike, all consciousness. It’s spacious. It is as rich as the world.

Why a chess tournament? I am not sure. I have followed this particular chess tournament a bit, including for a few minutes before going to sleep, so that may be one reason.

Why Magnus Carlsen? Again, I am not sure. He is from Norway which is why I am slightly more interested in chess these days than my normal zero interest.

Why shouting? In my waking life, I often prefer to be anonymous and not seen (while I also wish to be seen), and I love silence and am often quiet as I go about my daily life. Shouting goes against this pattern and is healthy for me. Especially shouting at a chess tournament is going against my waking life pattern.

Perhaps that’s why this dream was set at a chess tournament. To make the shouting stand out even more.

Why did the others tell me not to enter the elevator? And why did I go against their advice? Hm. I have sometimes gone against my wife’s advice and then seen in hindsight that her advice made sense.

And still, in the dream, it turned out OK and more than OK.

I am about to receive a kind of chemotherapy to remove plastic particles in my system. The nurse is kind and helpful. I notice a lot of naked fear come up.

I am not sure what this dream is about.

The plastic particles are artificial. They don’t belong in my body. They are low-grade toxic. The treatment is very strong and somewhat unpleasant. The nurse, the one administering the treatment, is kind and good-hearted. And naked and pure fear comes up in me.

That’s the essence. Beyond that, I am not sure but I have a suspicion of what it generally may be about.

Two days ago, I received a powerful healing from NH, and my first impulse when waking from this dream was to ask her about the dream. I intuited it had to do with her healing session for me.

Since my teens, I have noticed that when I check in internally, I cannot find a center line. It’s as if there are multiple center lines. I have also sensed that this has to do with trauma and parts of my system and consciousness not fully being in my body.

That’s what NH, as the first healer I have worked with, picked up on and worked on. And I wonder if this dream is connected with that process.

The plastic may reflect something artificial in me. In a sense, any belief is artificial. It’s the “head above the head” that some in Zen talk about. It’s an addition to our nature and a simpler and more direct way of living. In this context, the plastic may be the painful and fearful beliefs and traumas that make it difficult for me to fully be in the physical body and embody and live this life.

NH is kind and good-hearted, just like the nurse in the dream.

She is giving me strong treatment. It feels soft and gentle, and also very powerful.

And a lot of naked fear in me is coming up. This is the fear holding the partial disembodiment in place.

The dream may show me some of what’s going on around this, and also that the fearful beliefs behind the disembodiment are – in a sense – artificial and don’t belong.

I am at my uncle’s cabin with my father, brother, and cousin. We are going out in my uncle’s home made canoe. It’s very large and heavy, and in three separate segments that each can be its own canoe. My father falls and goes under water inside one of the canoes, and my brother and cousin don’t seem to be concerned about it. I pull him up again.

I have had several dreams about my uncle’s cabin. Each time it’s the same cabin in the same location which is different from the real-life cabin and location. In my dreams, the cabin is dark, in a dark forest, and by a narrow and long lake.

I suspect that this dream has to do with my family inheritance – in terms of culture and psychological mindset. It feels heavy, dark, cumbersome, and far less efficient and light than could be possible.

My father goes underwater, perhaps submerged by somewhat stagnant emotions, and my brother and cousin don’t seem to mind. I am the only one taking action to pull him out.

This part of my family is from an area of Norway (Hedmark) with big dark woods and a stoic mindset where you grin and bear it and don’t talk about what’s going on with you. I have a sense that the darkness of the cabin and forest, the cumbersome and heavy canoe, and going underwater, all reflect that mindset and culture.

Since I grew up with this, and since it’s happening in my dream, this is all part of me. This dream, and my other dreams about this cabin, show me this part of me.

The dreams say: Here it is. See how it feels in your system. Bring awareness to it. And see what happens. How is it to recognize this energy in you? What happens when you relate to it more consciously?

In waking life, my uncle’s cabin – which is now owned by my cousin and his wife – is open and light, in a much more open area next to a wildflower meadow, and on a much larger and open lake. So the dream-maker in me is obviously transforming it into something much darker. My uncle was a kind of hero of mine when I was little, especially because he had a strong nature connection (he was a biologist) and lived a to me exotic life (he and his family lived in Tanzania for some years). On the other hand, he also had a quite stubborn and judgmental mindset which I discovered later.

In waking life, I am in the Andes mountains and in a culture that seems very different from what I associate with my father’s side of the family. Perhaps that’s why this comes up in my dreams these days? Perhaps it’s easier for me to notice this energy in me since it contrasts more with my waking environment and experiences?

I am in Norway, on the coast (Drøbak area), with my wife, father, and a group of young adults. We share an interest with the group of people. My father is driving, and he needs coins to pay an entrance fee or toll. We all go through our coins to contribute. I find my share, and also notice I have a large number of ancient coins from different cultures around the world, and I have gotten them without effort. They just came to me and I picked them up.

What do the coins represent? I assume something of value since they were valuable in their own time and are still very valuable. Perhaps ancient knowledge? Timeless insights?

Much of what I write about in these articles is relatively timeless and universal, although obviously filtered through me who is a child of my culture and time. And it did come to me relatively effortlessly. Most of it, and the essence of all of it, came in the initial spontaneous awakening shift in my teens. I didn’t see it echoed by others untial several years later.

I also have modern coins, which may be the knowledge required for our modern society.

Why the group of young people? We like them and get along well with them and there is a sense of community, perhaps because we all have similar interests. (I am not sure exactly what, but likely in sustainability and spirituality.)

Why Norway and my father? It may have to do with my roots in this life, and also where I was during the initial awakening shift.

I am somewhere in a rural village in Russia, at a public meeting about the war. Most of the people at the meeting are older and support Putin. I listen and want to learn more about how they see the world. I am curious. At the end, I speak and tell them how much I appreciate learning how they see the situation, finding empathy and understanding (even if I don’t agree), and enriching how I see the world. As expected, they look at me as if I am a weird fish, but I still enjoyed sharing it with them.

In the dream, as in waking life, I am very aware of the different worlds we live in, and how we are all shaped by our culture and background. I am aware that I am a typical liberal university-educated westerner and see the world much as would be expected of someone with that background.

In the dream, I seek to understand and find empathy with the ones seeing the world differently from me, and perhaps even where I agree. And my view on this situation – the invasion of Ukraine – is still much the same, although held with a bit more empathy.

This dream reflects my waking life explorations and curiosity. I have my own biases and views on the world (1), and they have been largely the same since my mid-teens. I wish to understand where others are coming from and what shapes their views. I wish to find where I agree with them. I wish to have the clarity and courage to stand up for my own views, while also taking the views of others into consideration. I wish to find empathy for all of us in this together.

The Russian invasion of Ukraine is one of the situations triggering all of this in me. I want to know more about how Russians see the situation. (I follow several western-leaning Russian YouTubers so I get to see that not all Russians support the war, and I follow channels where they interview ordinary Russians on topics related to the war.)

Living in the Andes mountains, with mostly locals as neighbors, also brings this topic up for me. I am very aware that I am a product of my background. I enjoy silence, want to protect nature, eat mostly healthy foods, wear relatively expensive clothes for being in that area, and so on. And many of the locals enjoy playing their radios loudly, are less concerned about nature and sustainability (surviving is a higher priority), and so on. We are all living out our conditioning.

I want to be true to myself and my needs. Take into consideration that we are all living out our conditioning. And see what happens as I keep exploring that dynamic and allowing it to work on me.

And the same goes for my inner world and all the different parts of me mirrored by the outer world. (It’s all happening within and as me anyway.) Here too, I am interested in understanding where the different parts of me are coming from, how they experience their world, what they need, how they are trying to help, and viscerally getting what their nature is.

(1) I support democracy. I am a big fan of science. (And knows many of the pitfalls and how it can be misused.) I see valid reasoning as important, as well as being aware of biases and logical fallacies. Although I am not a big fan of much of what NATO and the western countries do in terms of geopolitics, that doesn’t prevent me from strongly supporting Ukraine and wanting them to regain their territories. (And seeing Putin as a dangerous authoritarian leader that harms his own country and population, although many of them also support him.)

I am in the small Southern European island we recently visited. We live there and it’s peaceful, fun, and enjoyable.

I am on our land in the Andes mountain. It’s beautiful and I feel a deep resonance with the land. And I also see difficulties with some of the neighbors. The one we have had the most to do with is standing there unyielding and stubborn like a pole. (Which I can understand since she is relatively poor and wealthy foreigners come and buy land.)

I am in Norway, in the small town where I grew up. We have a small apartment there. Just across the main road, a meditation center has started. It has a good perspective on what they are doing, and it’s alive and thriving. A lot of people are there and there is a very active community. There are also smaller groups in each neighborhood. I am happily surprised and enjoy the aliveness of it very much.

I often feel that the nights are almost infinitely long these days (which is very enjoyable), and full of rich dreams. These were three of the dreams last night.

Why these dreams?

IN MY LIFE

The obvious answer is that we are considering all three options for living, at least part-time. The dreams may reflect this processing, and may also support the processing in that they emphasize aspects of these three options I could be more conscious of.

When we were in Norway this summer, it was far more enjoyable than it has often been in the past. I and my wife both felt far more at home there. (Oslo is becoming more cosmopolitan, which we enjoy. And there is another reason which I won’t go into here since it involves others.)

When we were in the South European island a couple of weeks ago, we both sensed that living there would be peaceful, relaxing, and fun.

And in our land in the Andes mountains, we have already experienced what the dream pointed to. Some of the neighbors are stubborn and not very happy about foreigners coming there, buying up land, and driving up the prices so the locals cannot afford land anymore. I completely sympathize, even if I am part of that problem.

We are exploring all the options. Taking in as much information as we can. Take one step at a time. And see how it all unfolds.

IN ME (A MIRROR)

There is also another side to this, and that is that dreams are a mirror for me, just as the waking world is and any imaginations I have. The dream figures and dynamics are parts and dynamics in myself. And dreams are often showing me emerging dynamics or sides of myself I can benefit from being more aware of.

All of these places from the dreams are parts of myself. I can easily find each one in me.

I am traveling alone. At some point, I put my wallet on a counter, turn away for a brief moment, and someone steals it and runs away. I think to myself that I still have my passport, and then realize I don’t know where my suitcases are. I lost track of them at some point and cannot remember when I still had them. I feel disoriented and my nothing seems to stick in my memory. 

This dream resonates in a few different ways.

I am about to go on a long trip and am a bit concerned about just this. I still have covid brain after having had covid in February, and I do feel a bit more disoriented than usual and my mind seems to let things go through without sticking much (AKA poor memory).

I have had two or three dreams with a similar theme of disorientation recently. They may reflect a slight concern I have about it, and that I may not fully acknowledge either this concern or the symptoms or both.

Can I find more peace with these symptoms? I am already used to it due to the brain fog from chronic fatigue (CFS) so it’s not new, it’s just a bit more strong than usual. I have found relative peace with the usual CFS symptoms, so why not the covid brain? (Also, in daily life, I have found several strategies to compensate for it.)

There is also a theme of loss in this dream, as there is in my life. For a variety of reasons, many somewhat outside of my control, I have in different ways lost close to all of my possessions from up to a few years ago. Here too, I have mostly found peace with it and the dream may invite me to find even deeper peace and an even deeper appreciation for it. After all, life is nothing if not impermanence.

Update: This is a few days later. I have for months felt my system wasn’t nourished at a deep level, and I wanted bone broth to nourish my system without being able to have it. (A long story that involves being remote in the Andes.) Now, I have it and I can feel my system being nourished again at a deeper level. It seems my dreams have changed with this nourishment. During the period when I felt I lacked this deep nourishment, my dreams often involved feeling disoriented and confused. Now, they don’t anymore. I am not sure if the two are connected, but it seems likely they may be.

I am in a kind of glamping spot in the mountains of Norway, with four units close to each other. I am confused and don’t know how things there work. Even going to the toilet is difficult for lack of privacy. I feel a bit self-conscious about it all, although I also enjoy being there. 

In my waking life, I am in a transition and there are several things we need to do and get in place in the next few days. Since I don’t speak the local language well and am not familiar with how everything works here, I feel a bit confused and out of the loop. 

The dream seems to point this out. I am aware of my confusion and disorientation but haven’t fully embraced it. Maybe the dream is an invitation for me to embrace all of this more fully. It’s part of life. It’s how most of us experience life now and then, and – to some extent – always. 

We are always a bit confused and out of the loop. It’s normal. There is even beauty in it. There is beauty in embracing it. Ask for help. Trusting that we’ll figure it out as we go along. Trusting that when we make apparent mistakes, we can deal with that too. And it’s all OK. It’s part of the messiness of life. 

Why in the mountains of Norway? Last night, I watched an episode of Lars Monsen’s latest TV series where he takes people out in the wilderness in Norway. (Day residue.)

Why the other people? The dream-maker in me may have added these to heighten my sense of confusion. If I was on my own, the confusion would be OK. And being witnessed by others made me extra aware of it.

This points to something else for me to explore: Can I find peace with how I am even when I am witnessed by others? Can I find peace with having my confusion witnessed by others?

I am close friends with one of the more peripheral Harry Potter actors. Through that friendship, I occasionally meet other Harry Potter actors, including Emma Watson. We hit it off, get married, and have a good and normal life together. (Nothing extravagant.) At some point, we are separated for a few days (she is filming a movie, or I am doing a workshop), and I decide to travel and surprise her with a visit. When I meet her, she is in a very expensive dress at a restaurant fancy beyond my imagination. I am a bit shocked, seeing her in this luxury situation and realizing that this may be how she lives her life when I am not around. I ask her if it’s a problem for her that I am not that wealthy, and she says – and it seems genuine – that it’s not.

Dreams can be seen as reflecting something in my life, and also something in me. 

This one seems to suggest that there is a side of me, a feminine side that I am close to, that has a lot more wealth than I knew and imagined. And that this wealth is often hidden but doesn’t have to be. If I am ready for it, it can be revealed. 

In terms of my life, my actual wife is a wizard (as Vortex Healing practitioners are called) and she is an actress, just like Emma Watson who played a wizard and is an actress. And she does have a lot of wealth that I get glimpses of and notice in daily life. She has a lot of wealth in terms of personality, liveliness, fun, kindness, insights, wisdom, the ability to channel healing in an amazing way, and more. 

There is another side to this dream, and that’s how I respond to meeting this wealth. I felt a bit insecure and wondered if I was good enough for her. When I encounter this wealth in me or life, a part of me does respond in that way – with insecurity and feeling I am perhaps not good enough. It may be good for me to explore that part more, get to know it, and help it relax. 

Passing through London, I find a good place to live with good neighbors.

I decide to stay here for a while, perhaps a month or so. I am in no hurry, although I am on my way to a place – somewhere in the Americas – where I am to live in the long run.

Staying here for a bit longer will give me an opportunity to enjoy this place and get to know it a bit better.

Later, I find myself at a circus where the small performances are the big ones. It seems to be the slogan for the circus.

I decide to stay a bit longer in an interesting place I am passing through. I do that a lot, both in waking life and in terms of my internal states. I like to experience, explore, and find ways to enjoy new places.

I am on my way to another place, on another continent, where I am to live in the longer run. That’s also true in waking life. I don’t know about my internal life, except that – in time – I am on my way to the destination we are all on our way to.

And I find that the small performances are the big ones. The small daily life activities and experiences are the big ones.

I am traveling and, through a mutual friend, am invited to stay with the Tom Hanks family for a few days. They are all genuinely nice people and there is sense of ease and flow in our daily life interactions. Two sons and one daughter are there, all young adult, and some of their friends come and go. It’s a house full of life, and it’s also gentle and quiet. I feel included, welcome, and part of the family.

One of the sons shows me a photo he created. It’s a composite of four or five photos of the same bird, hovering in the air facing the camera, and it’s done with sensitivity and is beautiful and artistic.

Towards the end, the basement is flooded although nobody seems to think it’s a problem. It’s where the young people are staying, and where I am staying as well. Everything continues what they are doing.

The night before this dream, I listened to a podcast where someone mentioned Tom Hanks.

This is the type of family life many parts of me dream of, and I have experienced now and then. In waking life these days, I also experience it now and then.

More than that, it’s the type of inner community and household I wish for and experience now and then.

What about the photo of the bird? I am not sure. Perhaps it’s an invitation to be a bit more creative in my own photography and artistic endeavors?

And the flooding? Flooding is often seen as reflecting a flooding of emotions. In this case, it happens in the basement and it’s taken in stride. It is true that my system sometimes is flooded a bit by emotions, especially when I work on certain issues, and especially when I work on it with Vortex Healing since it tends to bring up whatever I work on for a day or so. And, as in the dream, I have the option to continue with my life and take it in stride and often do just that.