Regrets and a sense of lack

All of us experience regrets sometimes.

When it becomes recurrent and strong, it may be worth taking a closer look at what’s going on.

Regrets wouldn’t be here in that way unless there is a sense of lack. A sense that I am missing something, and that what I lost gave me what I am missing. It filled the whole in me. It completed me somehow.

And that sense of lack comes from a painful identity and a set of painful beliefs.

It could be: I am unlovable. I am unloved. I am not enough. I am not whole without a partner. I am not loved/lovable without a partner. I don’t have the right education. I don’t have enough money. I am not safe.

Those unquestioned stories can be questioned. Those unloved stories and deficient selves can be loved. Those embattled stories and feelings can be rested with.

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In exploring beliefs, I come to see that whenever I take a story as true, I act as if it is true. Pretty obvious, but it is different to see if over and over, and allowing it to sink in.

And this is also a simple way of exploring regrets.

I go back to a situation I experience regret over. Look at the beliefs I had then. And ask myself, did I have a choice? Given those beliefs, could I have acted differently?

It is a way to help us see the innocence in it, find some compassion for ourselves, and allowing regrets to fall away. Read More