Jim Button and Luke the Engine Driver

Simplified terribly, there are three ways of dealing with apparent evil:

(a) Let it have its way. Stay passive.

(b) Kill it off. Get rid of it.

(c) Treat it with respect and kindness, and contain it, prevent it from doing harm.

Most stories – whether fairy tales, mythology or contemporary movies, take the second approach. Some describe the first as a cautionary tale. And a few take the third approach, the more wise and mature (?) one.

One of the stories that take the third approach is Jim Button and Luke the Engine driver.

Instead of killing the evil dragon, as is described in so many other stories, they capture the dragon. They treat her with respect, contain her fury, and prevent her from doing harm. And she turns into a golden wisdom dragon. If they had let her have her way, or if they had killed her, she and they would never have benefited from her transformation.

For me, doing The Work and other forms of inquiry, and also holding satsang, doing ho’oponopono and tonglen, are all examples of capturing the dragon, treating it with respect and curiosity, prevent it from doing harm, and giving it space to transform into a golden wisdom dragon – if that’s what will happen.

It’s interesting to note that in western cultures (at least in western Europe), we generally take the third approach at the social level. We are, after all, civilized. And yet, when it comes to things in ourselves a thought may label “bad”, “undesirable”, or even “evil”, we are often trained to take the second approach. We try to get rid of it, or at least put a lid on it. That’s why simple processes such as The Work, holding satsang, and ho’oponopono may seem revolutionary. They are very simple and even natural ways of relating to what’s here in us, and yet they go against – to some extent – what we have been trained to do.

Read More

Exploring knots

Some ways of working with knots (sets of beliefs), such as the mother wound:

(a) Connect with and ask the divine/Christ for healing, clarity, resolution. Ask to be shown what I need to see about it.

(b) The Work on beliefs relating to the knot. In the case of the mother wound, about my mother in specific situations in childhood.

(c) Satsang with anything that comes up around it (feelings, sensations, thoughts, images).

(d) Ho’oponopono on me, the other, what comes up in me around it.

(e) Neurogenic tremors (TRE) in combination with any of these, when the impulse to move/tremble comes up. And also do TRE while bringing these situations/patterns to mind to help release tension and trauma associated with it.

 

Satsang with the devil

I am exploring holding satsang with the devil in my dream, his representative, and the witch from my recurrent childhood dream.

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me.

How would you like me to be with you?

What would satisfy you forever?

What are you really?

It’s very interesting to explore these questions in relation to the devil or the witch from my childhood dream.

You are welcome here. I notice hesitation, some fear. It’s an unfamiliar orientation. What will happen if I welcome the devil or the witch? I am taught to not welcome (apparent) evil, to push it away. Something terrible may happen. I am doing something wrong.

Thank you for protecting me. In what way are my images of the devil or the witch protecting me? How do I use these images to protect myself? I see I do. I create images of evil to protect myself, to keep it at bay, to push it away. It’s all innocent. It’s all my images. (And recognizing that doesn’t mean I leave my common sense.)

How would you like me to be with you? Both wants me to treat them with respect, and also with firmness. Not allowing them to take over, to have their way.

What would satisfy you forever? Respect. Love. Rest. Recognized as innocent. As love.

What are you really? Images. Awareness. Spirit. Christ.

Read More

Rejected and included subpersonalities

As anyone who has explored this, I have noticed (a) that parts of my psyche can function as subpersonalities, as a partly autonomous entities, and (b) that they can be related to and interacted with as subpersonalities and a community of subpersonalities. I also notice that each of the function from their own worldview, and sometimes – or quite often – from their own beliefs, often initially formed early in life.

When one is rejected by another subpersonality, and this one is identified with by the psyche as a whole, the rejected one tends to live its own life, it’s on a mission (based on its own worldview and beliefs), and this influences the whole. For instance, it may function in a way a thought would call “resistance”, while its really just a subpersonality caught in fear and beliefs, and operating on its own, partly autonomously.

What to do? One approach is to try to get rid of or manipulate this subpersonality so the identified subpersonality (which appears as a me or I) can get its way. This may appear to work for a while, but doesn’t really work and does not work in the long run.

Another is to include the subpersonality, to meet it with respect, listen to it and take its wisdom into account, notice that its here to help me and comes from love (even if that love may be filtered through beliefs and fears). As this happens, and to the extent it happens with sincerity, the subpersonality may feel deeply relieved, it relaxes, it is free to offer its wisdom knowing it is listened to and respected. And one way to meet it in this way is through holding satsang with this part.

In this way, what initially may appear as resistance is revealed as practical wisdom, and this may be listened to and taken into account by the psyche as a whole.

For instance, I need to do my taxes and there is resistance. I may push myself to do it anyway, overriding the resistance. Or I may welcome and meet the resistance. Thank you for protecting me. How would you like me to be with you? What would deeply satisfy you? I may find that this part of me wishes to protect me, it wishes the best for me, it comes from love. I can listen to its words and fears. And now that we are more on the same team, there is a sense of pulling in the same direction. The psyche has a whole has changed its view, finding respect and appreciation for this part, and taking its practical wisdom into account. And the part feels respected and listened to, and allows itself to relax.

Read More

If You Love Somebody Set Them Free

If you love somebody set them free.
– Sting from The Dream of the Blue Turtles, 1985

That’s what’s happening when I hold satsang with parts of me – parts of my psyche.

An emotion is here, or physical pain, or fearful images and thoughts, and I notice a contraction around it. There is tension and stress.

You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your devotion to me. How would you like me to be with you? What is your deepest desire, what would satisfy you forever? What are you really?

In this, what’s surfacing is allowed it’s freedom. It finds freedom from being related to with a heavy hand. It finds freedom from being pushed away and rejected, or hold onto. It’s allowed its own life. And there is often a sense of it softening and melting. It experiences itself as seen, felt, and loved, as it is. It relaxes. It doesn’t have to change.

As holding satsang in this way becomes more familiar, and a new habit, there is a new atmosphere. One of respect, appreciation, relaxation, even a quiet trust and confidence.

And by setting these parts of me free, and seeing how much better it feels than wrestling with them, I may do the same for people in my life – including those closest to me, and myself.

I can explore this in many other ways as well, for instance through following “the trail of crumbs” (notice densest sensations, breathe, notice images and thoughts, take these to inquiry), The Work, exploring the sense fields, inviting the confused and suffering parts of me into the heart flame, and tonglen.  Read More

Approaches

Some approaches I find helpful right now.

 Heart Flame

 Find – in your inner sense/eye – the cave on the right side of the chest.

Find the flame there. The divine in the human, the interface between the divine and the human.

Fan that flame with your intention.

Bring the human – with its wounds, fear and beliefs – into the flame.

Feed it to the flame.

Or bring your whole human self into the flame.

The flame will burn up anything not like itself.

Trail of crumbs

 Notice where a fear, belief or contraction is in the body.

Notice which area seem most dense, dark and contracted.

Bring attention there and breathe.

Allow the breath to be your lifeline.

Notice if/how the sensations move and change.

Notice any images or beliefs behind the contraction.

Take these to simple inquiry.

Is it true?

What would Christ say? How would Christ see it?

 As it shifts and moves, and is perhaps less dense, notice what calls attention now.

Where in the body is it most dense, dark and contracted?

Holding satsang with parts of me

Notice a fear, belief or contraction.

 Notice it as part of the psyche, a confused and perhaps wounded part.

Then explore the following, taking time with each one.

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me.

How would you like me to be with you?

What would be deeply satisfying for you? What would satisfy you forever?

What are you really?

If fear or (what a thought would call) resistance appears, hold satsang with this part too. Then, if you were not finished with the first one, return to that.

Then see if any other parts surface, wishing to be met in satsang.

The Work & TRE

 In addition, I still find The Work and Tension & Trauma Release Exercises (neurogenic tremors) very helpful.

Read More

Unloved fear

I keep noticing that when something is unloved in my field of experience, in my world, it’s uncomfortable.

Why is it unloved? Because of mind holding certain images and thoughts as true.

And what are these beliefs? They may look different on the surface, but the basics of them is (a) something is bad (wrong, a mistake, shouldn’t be) and (b) is not loved, it’s unloved.

The first creates the appearance of it as bad (wrong etc.), and mind perceives, feels and acts as if that’s so. And both of them distracts mind from noticing that it is already loved, and is already love.

This also leads to attention not staying with the (apparent) object of these beliefs. Attention goes to the beliefs instead, or something else. And there is discomfort, at least at first, if attention is brought to the object of the beliefs.

So what’s the antidote?

It’s to bring attention to what’s unloved. Breathe. Stay with it. Notice it’s already allowed, it’s already happening within and as wide open spaciousness.

It’s to notice the images, beliefs and fears behind it. Make a note of them, write them all down uncensored. Then for each one, is it true? Can I know for certain it’s true?

It’s to notice it’s here to protect me, it’s devoted to me. It comes from love. It is already love.

For instance, there is fear and a thought says it’s about an upcoming life change. This fear is at first unloved, and there is discomfort. Attention goes to stories about it, or to something else.

(a) I bring attention to the sensations of the fear. I notice where it is in my body, where the body is most contracted and appear most dense. Attention stays with it. I breathe. I stay with it. There is a sense of it opening up. I notice some images and beliefs behind it, and take these to inquiry. (I am making a wrong decision. I won’t have enough money. My health won’t be good enough. Something terrible will happen.)

(b) I hold satsang with the fear. You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. How would you like me to be with you? What would satisfy you forever? What are you really? I notice other impulses around it, such as resistance to the fear, and meet that in satsang as well. I find how the fear is from love, and it is love, and the resistance to it too. The fear and resistance relaxes, through being met, respected, and recognized for what they are – love, presence, awakeness.

Read More

Mix of wisdom and beliefs

In any dialog with a part of the psyche, it may express a mix of wisdom and beliefs.

I notice fear in me about an upcoming life change.

I can hold satsang with it:

You are welcome. I find where it’s already allowed and welcome. I find a shift in my conscious view towards welcoming it.

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your devotion to me. Thank you for your love for me. I notice it’s there to protect me. I notice it’s devoted to me. I noticed it comes from love, and is love.

How would you like me to be with you? I notice how it would like me to be with it, often wordlessly, and how it naturally comes up and meets the part.

What would satisfy you forever? Again, I notice this mostly wordlessly, perhaps with a simple label, and the answer comes alive and meets it.

I can ask it what it has to say to me.

What advice do you have for me? What do you fear?

In this, there will be some practical wisdom. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your wisdom.

And there may be some beliefs (recognized by a sense of contraction). I can make a note of these beliefs and take them to inquiry.

Why would I want love to go away

Holding satsang with parts of me again today, I see how each of them are here to protect me. They are devoted to me. They come from love.

What a thought may label reactivity – or contraction, or identification, or discomfort, or pain – is here to protect me. It’s love already.

So why would I want love to go away.

You are welcome here. You can stay as you are.

As I meet it in satsang, it relaxes. It’s finally met the way it has wished to be met, with respect and appreciation for what it is: Love.

Love that a thought temporarily labeled something else.

Satsang with neediness

I also explore holding satsang with:

The one who feels needy. The one who feels lacking. The one who longs.

The one who feels unloved. The one who feels unlovable.

The one who resists neediness. The one who pushes it away.

Satsang with more parts of me

I am exploring holding satsang with a few more parts of my psyche:

The one who wants it all. The one afraid of missing out.

The one that needs love. The one afraid of missing out of love. The one afraid of being unlovable.

The one that’s needy.

The unlovable. The unloved. The one who missed out of love.

The one that’s paralyzed. The one that’s numb.

The one afraid of doing something wrong. The one afraid of making a mistake.

The one afraid of being trapped. The one afraid of being tied down.

The fogginess. (“Brain fog”.) The tiredness.

The contraction in the upper back of my mouth, and a sense of a center of/anchor for “I” there.

The one defending.

The one afraid of staying with myself. The one afraid of prioritizing myself.

For each one….

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me. Thank you for your devotion to me.

I need your strength.

How would you like me to be with you?

What would satisfy you forever?

What are you really?

Welcome fogginess

I still have some symptoms thoughts label fogginess, fatigue, poor executive functions and so on, and another thought ways it’s part of what’s left of the chronic fatigue.

So I can hold satsang with these parts of me. For instance, when I notice brain fog…..

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your devotion for me. Thank you for your love for me.

How would you like me to be with you?

What would satisfy you forever?

What are you really?

Read More

Befriending neediness

I notice neediness – or what a thought label neediness – as a hollow tube down the chest and into the belly.

You are welcome here. I stay with it for a while. I notice it has been resisted for a long time. It feels hurt.

How would you like me to be with you? (Love, patience, connection.)

What are you really?

I notice the resistance to the neediness. You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your devotion. Thank you for your love.

How would you like me to be with you? (Respect, understanding, empathy.)

Big Mind vs Satsang

I have been curious about the similarities and differences between the Big Mind process and holding satsang with what’s here.

Both are quite similar in that they involve a dialogue and interaction with aspects of the psyche, with subpersonalities or voices.

And there are some differences too, in my experience:

In the Big Mind process, there is an emphasis on view (head center) and love (heart center). Subpersonalities are recognized as divine from the “outside” by Big Mind/Heart. The Big Mind process is often, although not necessarily, quite verbal.

In holding satsang with subpersonalities, there is an emphasis on view (head center) and love (heart center), and also a felt sense of the divine and taking time to let this sink in (belly center). Subpersonalities are invited to recognize themselves as divine from the “inside”. Holding satsang is often wordless, quiet and felt. It’s often slower, allowing insight and love to sink in, which in turn provides fertile ground for emotional patterns and the body to reorganize.

Read More

Satsang with the helpless child

One part of my psyche is the helpless child, and it visits now and then.

It’s another reminder that my habitual pattern may be to run away from some parts of me, and how much of a relief it is to instead hold satsang with it. At the very first, there may be some fears coming up. What are you doing? This is not a good part. Run away from it! I meet these in satsang, and then return to the helpless child. And when I do, there is relief, relaxation, a sense of coming home. The helpless child is met, understood, loved, listened to. It returns home to love, to being an integral and more mature part of the psyche. I experience the same. And in love, this part of me is recognized as a part. In love, it’s respected, listened to, met with understanding, and it doesn’t run the show. That too is a relief for this part, and for me as a whole.

Satsang with what’s here

I mentioned holding satsang with parts of me to a friend familiar with the Big Mind process, and it reminded me of some of the slight differences between the two.

When I hold satsang with parts of me, it’s with what’s already alive here, for instance fear, frustration, pain, joy and so on. And it’s largely nonverbal (felt, visual). In contrast, the Big Mind process is often done with what’s not immediately alive here and possibly more abstract, and it emphasizes the verbal more.

In a way, it’s the difference between an approach that’s more masculine (the Big Mind process) and one that’s more feminine (holding satsang).

No wonder I am drawn to the more feminine approach right now. The one that’s more nonverbal and felt.

It relates more to the belly center, and it’s also the one that connects more easily with the infant and and small child in me.

Satsang with the thought that it will take time

A part me has the belief that it will take time.

The dark night process will take time.

Recovering from CFS will take time.

Stabilizing in a more clear seeing/loving/feeling of reality will take time.

And so on.

So I can hold satsang with these parts of me.

And I can bring these parts of me to the light field, the light of Christ, in my chest/heart area.

Fear of being trapped, fear of being alone

I keep noticing these parts of me, and hold satsang with them:

There is a fear of being trapped – in a relationship, work, place. A fear that if I go into something, I will have to stay in for the rest of my life.

There is a fear of being alone (unlovable, unloved). A fear of missing out.

There is a fear of being paralyzed, numbed, by these two other fears. A fear of not being able to move on (resolve it, heal it).

So I can hold satsang with each of these, one at a time.

Note: This is also a reminder that parts of me comes in pairs, as parts of a polarity, and that there is also a part watching it with it’s own concerns. All of these wish to be met with respect and love, they wish for their own healing and alignment with reality.

Read More

Sincerity in Satsang

As with much else, holding satsang with parts of me be a little formulaic.

And it can also be very sincere. For me, I notice it seems to become more sincere over time.

Here are some examples of how I find sincerity:

You are welcome here. (To the part.) It’s already welcome, it’s already allowed. When I notice that, it’s easier to find a sincere welcome. It’s a conscious alignment with reality.

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your devotion to me. Thank you for your love for me. When I notice it’s here to protect me (an image of me), and it’s deep devotion to and love for me, it’s easier to find genuine gratitude for it.

How would you like me to be with you? This gives a sense of balance between the “two” of us, a sense of mutuality. The question tends to evoke in me how it wishes me to be with it, and it feels good. It feels respectful and kind.

What do you long for? What would satisfy you forever? This question tends to evoke what it longs for, and it feels good. There is a relaxation. Contentment.

Thank you for your strength. Your strength is welcome here. There is a strength in these parts of me, and noticing that, there is a natural gratitude and welcome for it.

What are you really? This is an invitation for the part (subpersonality, aspect of my psyche) to explore what it really is. And again, this exploration feels good and what’s found feels good. There is a relaxation here.

Another aspect of this is notice when fear comes up (a thought may label it resistance, hesitation, insincerity), and hold satsang with that fear as well.

This satsang is mind (Spirit, awakeness, presence) meeting itself. Exploring itself. Inviting itself to take a closer look. Inviting itself to meet itself with kindness and understanding, and notice what it really is.

Read More

Relaxation

Silence is something that many say they seek or wish for, especially among those into meditation and similar things.

And silence can be understood in different ways.

First, it’s the everyday notion of silence. It’s what we find in nature, or on a quiet day indoors. It may have the sounds of nature – of wind, waves, birds, and it’s mostly free of the sounds of civilization – cars, machines, the “dragon breath” of the city.

Then, there is another silence. The silence that’s always here. The silence that’s what we are. The silence that appears as the conventional silence and noise. The silence that cannot be disturbed or interrupted by conventional noise. Although it can be noticed or not, and it can notice itself or not (so much).

And it’s similar with relaxation.

There is the conventional relaxation that’s opposed to tension.

And there is the other relaxation. The one that allows and appears as the conventional relaxation and tension that comes and goes.

And there is the first leading into the second. I especially notice this when I hold satsang with parts of my field of experience. It allows these parts of me to relax. They are met with love and understanding. They do their own inquiry, perhaps noticing what they really are. They relax more deeply. And “I” relax more deeply. And this makes it easier to notice the deep relaxation that’s already here. Everything is this awakeness, this presence, this love, and when this presence, awakeness, love notices itself, there is a relaxation. And it’s here, and perhaps even noticed, even as it sometimes appears as conventional relaxation and tension.

Resistance

Resistance is one of those words I don’t use much. It’s useful as a shorthand, and I notice I am more curious about what it really is.

When I look at what a thought may label resistance, I find something quite different from how it initially appears.

I see it comes from a set of belief, and fear. And that fear, in turn, comes from those beliefs, and perhaps also underlying and more basic beliefs.

For instance, a thought says there is resistance to opening to the discomfort that’s here.

When I look more closely, I find a set of beliefs about what may happen if I do open to the discomfort:

The discomfort will get worse. It’s too much. I will meet something terrible. Something terrible will happen. 

There is also fear, created from these and other beliefs.

And I see that it’s all innocent. It comes from a desire to protect me (an image of me as a being). It comes from pure devotion and love.

I can hold satsang with this resistance:

You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your devotion for me, your love for me.

I need your strength.

How would you like me to be with you?

What would you like to say to me? What wisdom do you have to share with me? (There is usually/always some practical wisdom there.) Thank you.

What is your deepest longing? What would satisfy you forever?

What are you really?  

 As long as I see it just as resistance, as a gestalt, and not what it’s really made up of, it tends to seem quite solid and real. And as long as I make it into an enemy, an “other”, a problem, something to fix or push away, it will always remain an “other” to me. It will stay an apparent entity, mysterious, an apparent obstacle.

And when I meet it, welcome it, find curiosity for it, find what’s really there, something shifts. I see it’s innocent. It’s an attempt to protect me. It’s love. I ask it how it would like me to be with it. I invite it to find for itself what it really is. And it’s all revealed as something quite different from how it initially appeared.

Read More

Satsang with longing

Longing comes up now and then, and an image suggests it has to do with (what another thought calls) the incarnation trauma. The shock of going from what was before incarnation (infinite love, wisdom, sense of being home, luminosity) to physical incarnation (somehow being connected with this body, functioning in an often puzzling world). At one level, I knew it was right and I agreed to it. And at another level, a set of beliefs formed saying I lost something wonderful, it’s unfair, I am a victim of circumstances. And at the emotional level, there is a longing, and I also resisted, didn’t want it, felt like a victim, threw a tantrum. And these are all here now. I also see how the belief/wound of I lost what was most important to me has repeated itself in my life, especially around relationships. There is almost an expectation that it will keep happen.

So I hold satsang with longing. And also with the other layers here: The victim, and the tantrum. And the one saying I lost what was most important to me. The one saying I will continue to lose what’s most important to me (people, places, situations).

Satsang with the part of me afraid of happiness

Here is another part of me I have held satsang with recently: The part of me afraid of happiness, afraid of following what feels good at a deep level, afraid of going into situations that feel deeply right and aligned with my soul and heart, afraid of a good life, afraid of a job (relationship, location, community) that feels deeply right.

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your devotion to me, your love for me.

How would you like me to be with you?

What is your deepest longing, what would satisfy you forever?

What are you really?

Satsang with the one who wishes to do it right

Recently, I have had more satsang with the good boy in me, the part that wants to do it right, who wants to please (myself, others, my parents, God).

I notice it’s quite close to me, it’s a subpersonality (a view, a set of beliefs) I am familiar with and have often identified with.

Holding satsang with it helps me see it more for what it is: A subpersonality, view, set of beliefs. It helps me see its innocence, its love and pure devotion for me. Its goal of protecting me (protecting an image of me from images of danger).

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your devotion to me, your love for me.

How would you like me to be with you?

What is your deepest longing, what would satisfy you forever?

What are you really?

Satsang with any part of my world

I can hold satsang with what thought will say is a part of me, a subpersonality, a part of my psyche, such as emotions, images, thoughts, wounds, sensations, physical pain and so on.

I can hold satsang with any element of my dreams, such as characters, trees, landscapes, buildings and so on.

And I can hold satsang with any part of my world, any part of my field of experience, what a though may label as part of the “external world”. These too are as much part of my world, as much part of my field of experience, as much part of “me” as anything else. A thought may say they reflect me, another thought say they are me, and it doesn’t matter. It’s as helpful to hold satsang with the parts of my field of experience labeled “external world” as anything else.

What in the external world calls my attention in this moment? What appears disturbed or uneasy, or what brings up unease in me?

Some tension and unease in a family member (what a thought labels tension, unease).

You are welcome here.

How would you like me to be with you?

What is your deepest desire? What would satisfy you forever?

Who are you really?

And if what I see in the external world, or holding satsang with it, brings up unease, tension or contraction in me, I can hold satsang with that too. (Again, what a thought labels external world, unease, tension, contraction, me.)

Recurrent childhood dream: Falling into a witch’s cauldron

I had a recurrent dream as a child.

I climb up the ladder to the attic in our house. As I get high enough to see into the attic, the ladder and floor disappear. I fall through darkness for a while, until I see that I am about to fall into a cauldron stirred by a witch.  She looks up at me and grins.

Since whatever shows up in my dreams are clearly me, I can have satsang with this witch  (and any other element of the dream) as I would any other part of me and my experience.

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me. (I can assume she is here to protect me, even if I am not sure exactly how yet.)

What would satisfy you forever?

Who are you really?

And some beliefs:

Something terrible will happen. I will die. She is evil.

Read More

Dread

My old friend dread visited again this morning, and has stayed for a while. This time, dread is strong enough to notice and not so strong that I tell myself I am overwhelmed.

I have satsang with dread.

You are welcome here. (And notice dread is already permitted to be dread.)

Thank you for protecting me. (I take time to feel it, let it sink in, notice some of the ways it is protecting me.)

Thank you for your devotion to me. Thank you for your love for me. (This is easier to connect with after taking time with the thankfulness.)

How would you like me to be with you? (This invokes the answer and there is no need to put it into words. Although if it is put into words, it could be labeled respect, stillness, appreciation, gentle interest.)

What’s the stories behind you? The fear? (Something terrible has happened, will happen. Something is terribly wrong. Something is inherently wrong in me and existence.)

How big are you? Do you have any borders? Do you have an inside or outside? (Noticing it’s released from being bound up within imaginary boundaries.)

Who are you really? (Wordless noticing, then put into words such as presence, love, awakeness.)

I notice it sometimes helps to do inquiry quietly and sometimes wordlessly at first, and then notice that thoughts would label it. Then I get the intimacy of the wordless, and the clarity of words. I also get to see that these labels don’t quite fit, even if they are the closest thoughts can come up with.

I also see that images and thoughts puts a boundary around it, labels it dread, says it’s quite primal , and when it visits thoughts will sometimes put it on past, current and future situations.

It seems that it points to a very basic thought: Something is terribly wrong.

And related thoughts: Something terrible has happened, will happen, is happening. I cannot trust life. I cannot trust myself. There is something inherently wrong with life. There is something inherently wrong with me. (I am to blame for it.) 

Deepest desire

Some aspects of holding satsang with what’s here – emotions, images, thoughts, sensations, discomfort, restlessness, identification etc.

Welcome.

(a) Welcoming what’s here. (b) Notice it’s already welcome. It’s already allowed to be as it is.

This is (a) setting an intention of welcome and (b) clear(er) seeing of what’s already here.

It’s an opening to what’s here.

Thank you.

Thank you for your protection. Thank you for your devotion to me. Thank you for your love.

This is an opening of the heart to what’s here.

Love.

I notice it comes from love. It is love. And that makes it easier for me to find love for it.

When I notice it is love, love is already here, love is already found.

Ask.

How would you like me to be with you? (To the part, what’s here.)

What is your deepest longing? What would satisfy you forever?

Who are you really? How big are you? Do you have an outside?

And when it goes peaceful, and if it feels right: What in your field of experience would like your attention now? (To me globally.)

Invoked.

 These questions invoke a response. For instance, by asking what would satisfy it forever, just that may emerge. It may be helpful to stay with it for a while, feel it, allow it to sink in, and it’s not always needed to put a label on it. (Although if there is a label, it may be rest, love, acknowledgment etc.)

Some of these have more to do with the head center, the clear seeing, noticing what’s already here. Other have to do with the heart center, noticing and finding love. And yet other aspects has to do with the belly center, allowing it to sink in, feeling it, inviting it to reorganize me at an emotional level and in a very human way. And it’s all an expression of natural kindness and wisdom.

It’s an invitation for all the different very human parts of me to wake up to their beauty, their innocence, their love, and what they really are. It’s an invitation for all of these different parts to realize the nature of illusion, the appearances and discomfort created when they are not awake to what they really are, and for them to realize the nature of reality, what they really are. It’s an invitation for them to catch up with the clarity, love and wisdom that’s here globally, and for this global level to realize the nature of illusion and the nature of reality a little further, through the realization of these aspects of the psyche.

Read More

Inquiry, prayer, meditation, therapy, life

Holding satsang with aspect of the psyche is inquiry, prayer, meditation, therapy and life all in one.

It’s curiosity, exploration, inquiry. It’s taking a closer look to see what’s there.

It’s devotion, gratitude, humility. It’s a form of prayer.

It’s noting that which is already open to what’s here, and finding what I am as that. It’s basic meditation.

It benefits from and supports a more stable attention. It’s a form of training a more stable attention.

It invites subpersonalities to heal, liberate, and notice what they really are. It has some of the same effects as therapy.

And it’s life. All of it is an expression of life. And daily life brings subpersonalities into awareness, and is where any changes are lived.

Returning home

When there is a global recognition of the nature of reality, a recognition by the field of experience as a whole, it’s a step in returning home. And this is just the first step of a journey that may well be without end. More of who I am join this journey, there is an exploration and invitation to become more familiar with how to live from this as a human being in the world, the nature of reality keeps revealing new layers of itself to itself, and there is an increased familiarity with the nature of illusion as well which also keeps revealing new layers of itself.

This more thorough realization and living of the initial recognition is aided by the recognition and realization of the nature of illusion.

And more of who I am join this journey by surfacing with a wish for liberation and a return to rest and home. These aspects of my psyche, these subpersonalities, may have been formed within the previous worldview of the appearance of a me that needs protecting, and still operate within this worldview. These wish to return home as well, and seek the light of the global field of awakeness to do so. And they may return home through being met in satsang.

As Pamela Wilson says, they used to protect me. Now, the invite me – as a human being in the world – to become a sage.

Realizing the nature of illusion and reality, at global and local levels

I keep returning to this these days:

It seems that there are two things that can be realized: The nature of illusion, the dynamics around taking images and thoughts as true. And the nature of reality, what we are, which can be labelled presence, love, awakeness, all of this appearing as form, and capacity for all of this.

This realization is ongoing, reality keeps revealing itself to itself.

And it can be realized at two levels: At a global level, as the whole of what’s here, the whole field of awareness. And at a local level, by subpersonalities, aspects of the psyche.

This realization by subpersonalities is especially interesting for me now.

The way they operate is often formed early in life, and – for most of us – within a worldview of separation. They  operate as if there is a separate self here to protect and take care of. And this made perfect sense at the time, and as long as the nature of illusion/reality is not to some extent realized.

At some point, after there is some realization of the nature of illusion/reality, these subpersonalities surface to find their own liberation. They wish to find liberation from their unease and beliefs. They wish to rest.

And this can be done by holding satsang with them.

As Pamela Wilson also points out: Before, they protected me. Now, they invite me to become a sage.

Session w Pamela

Here are some brief notes from my session with Pamela Wilson yesterday.

Questions for parts of me:

Notice where awareness is drawn in this moment. See if anything is asking for your attention.

For the heart:

Do you know your strength?

Can we honor that strength.

Natural strength is welcome here. Divine strength is welcome here.

How vast are you? How deeply rooted?

Let all the cells in your body be nourished by it.

For spaciness (contraction in legs, throat):

Thank you for your protection.

What is your concern? What service are you providing?

You are welcome here.

To me, what I am:

Uncontain yourself, so the numbness, the hiding program, can see who you are.

A restlessness:

Honor it. It’s not sharing in the resting.

It’s safe to rest.

These are services, functions, apps, created as a child. (Within the belief in and appearance of a separate I).

Hold satsang with them, invite them to notice what’s real now, to relax. (They are welcome, because need their strength.)

Honor the signal from the body.

Before, these protected us playing a role. Now, they invite us to become a sage.

Thank it for how quickly it can return to its naturalness.

Openining to a pull to tragedy, collapse

Two parts of me I have explored opening to and holding satsang with:

The one that’s drawn to tragedy and drama, especially in my own life.

And the one that sometimes collapses when things get overwhelming. That sometimes goes under when deep wounds, hurts, beliefs and fears surface.

And with each of them:

Can I open to it?

Is it true that opening is not already here? (Before any intention to open or close to it?)

You are welcome here.

Thank you for your protection of me. Thank you for your deep devotion to me. Thank you for your deep love for me.

To the part:

How would you like me to be with you?

What is your function, your job?

Who do you protect? (What may be found: an image of a me, a person in the world.)

Who are you really? (What may be found: an image, label, sensations, protection, presence, love, awakeness.)

Thank you for your strength. I need your strength.

Deep rest

When I ask myself what would satisfy me forever, and ask the same question from subpersonalities, what I or the part long for surfaces.

And one facet of this is deep rest. (Other labels may be home, love, deep acceptance, trust, aliveness.)

How do I find this deep rest? How does it find itself? Here are some pointers that are alive for me now.

Open to what’s here. Open to the discomfort, unease, restlessness, what appears the most dense and dark.

Notice it’s already opened to, before any intention by “me” to open or close to it.

Holding satsang with parts of me. Welcome them. Ask them how they would like me to be with them. Recognizing their innocence, their protection of “me”, their devotion to me, their love for me. Meeting them with love. Asking them their function. Asking them who they protect. Inviting them to explore who they really are.

Asking myself, is this opening that’s already here other than what I am? Is it true that this capacity for what’s here is other than what I am?

 

Healing

Two basic approaches to healing is (a) to fix the problem “out there” in the world, in the body, in the mind, and (b) to heal our relationship with it, and these are complementary.

What I find interesting is that in healing for others (through prayers, visualizations etc.), these two approaches can also be used.

(a) I can ask for healing of a specific ailment. This is how I used to do it, through connecting and then inviting in healing and shifts. It worked, and yet didn’t feel quite right. It comes from an assumption that I know what’s best for the other person, me, and the world. This can be remedied by asking for the “highest good” or “Your will be done”, although it doesn’t necessarily change the basic assumption that I know what’s best. (Which I – as thinking mind, as personality – clearly do not.)

(b) I can heal my (and our collective, cultural) relationship to it in myself. So, in relation to whatever the ailment or problem appears to be, whether physical, mental, social, or in any other area, I can explore the following:

You are welcome here.

I am sorry for having pushed you away. I am sorry for having seen you as wrong.

I love you.

And if it’s in the psyche (distress, anger, grief etc.):

Thank you for your protection of [the person]. Thank you for your deep devotion to [the person]. Thank you for your deep love for [the person].

No matter what it is, I can invite it to a dialog:

How would you like to be met by me?

What is your function?

Who are you really? (Inviting it to notice itself through it’s layers: as a label, sensations, devotion, love, presence, awakeness.)

It is, as Pamela Wilson says, as holding satsang with what’s here, in this case the appearance ailment or problem. Meet it with respect, appreciation, love, understanding.

Not needing it to be anything different from how it is. Not needing it to go away or stay.

And if something comes up in me as I explore this – any desire for it to change, any hesitation, any fears – then that can be met in this way too.

As I meet something and recognize it’s complete innocence and love, it doesn’t have to change. How I relate to it changes. And that, sometimes, allows it to shift and move on, within its freedom to stay or shift.

Opening to what’s here IV

I sometimes have heartache come up, and again notice the benefit – at least right now – of being slightly disciplined in relating to it. I can chose one of the following, stay with it, and perhaps explore another later when that comes to me.

(a) Opening to the heartache itself. By bringing attention to the heartache itself, the sensations, and leave to the side any stories that goes with it, I can open to it, open my heart to it, bring it into my heart. I can allow it it’s life. Looking a little closer, I see there is also opening to it, and also any struggle there may be here around it.

(b) Listening to the fears behind it, and see what’s more true for me. By writing down the stories that goes with it, the stories of fear, pain, victimhood, they are seen and can be taken to inquiry.

(c) Satsang with this part of me. By inviting this part of me to find who or what it really is, there is an invitation for this part of me to recognize for itself what it really is. (Which often can be labeled protection, love, awakeness, although these labels are not the point here.)

(d) Welcome and meet with love. “You are welcome here.” “I am sorry for having pushed you away.” “I love you.”  Notice it’s already welcome, and it is from a desire to protect, it is from love, and it is love.

(e) Holding within awakeness/presence/love. By shifting into what all of this really is (the labels may be similar to above), and holding this pain and heartache within and as it, it’s allowed it’s life and it’s allowed – in it’s own time – to move, to shift into what’s next.

Global and local recognition

As with so much else, this can be discovered “globally” or “locally”. It can be seen as if from the outside of what’s here – the emotion, image, thought, sensation –  even if all is recognized as the same. And it can be recognized from within what’s here, by that part itself. For me, this is a quite interesting exploration now. Again, a thought may say that one feels more transcendent (head center, yang), and the other more embodied and immanent (belly center, yin), and that doesn’t really matter.
– from a previous post

It’s interesting for me to notice that during the initial awakening phase, there was more of a head center recognition of the nature of reality. It was more transcendent and global.

Now, there is an invitation for a more embodied and immanent recognition of the nature of reality, as this reveals itself to itself. A recognition from the perspective of whatever part of me is here and in awareness, a subpersonality and part of my psyche. And this happens when I, as Pamela Wilson suggests, hold satsang with these parts of me. This feels more related to the belly center, and I also notice that love (heart) makes it all gentler and simpler.

When I hold satsang for a part of me in this way, the global and local and the heart are all here.

Pamela Wilson: Fear is welcome here

What I notice in this feminine expression here is that I don’t see a difference between the absolute and the relative. I don’t see a difference between emptiness and form. After recognition, there was just this quiet openness, this “yes”. One day fear showed up, and I heard thought say, “Fear? What is fear doing here?” Then I heard wisdom say, “Fear is welcome here.” I went, “Oh I see, everything is welcome, everything.” […]

It may be that I am just projecting on all these emotions, but they all seem to want to come home. So I invite everyone to be that way inside, to be this kindness that we are. There is no one required to be kind because who we are is kindness.

– Pamela Wilson in Ordinary Women Extraordinary Wisdom

Who would it like to be met by?

When a wounded/fearful aspect comes up, ask: Who would it like to be met by? (Who in me, which aspect of me.)

When a belief comes up, ask is it true? When I find the knowing it’s not true, meet the feeling associated with the belief with the knowing it’s not true. Hold it in love, and the knowing it’s not true.

Hold satsang with the wounded, fearful parts, the beliefs. Meet with wisdom, love, presence, sincere inquiry.

Ask the divine (God, Christ) for help. Ask for the light of the divine to shine on this, let it all be seen, held in love and wisdom.

Note: A part of the dark night of the soul, for me, has been temporary loss of capacity to meet what’s here – the wounds, the fears, the beliefs, the victim. Now, it seems time for a shift into finding this capacity again, becoming more familiar with it again.

The nature of illusion

A few things about the nature of illusion.

It’s created from mind holding an image or thought as true, often at an emotional or even energetic level.

This image or thought held as true comes with an identity and a perspective on the world.

It also creates a deficient self, or a sub-personality or voice.

This deficient self is suffering. It’s in pain. It’s in fear. It seeks – even without knowing it – liberation from this suffering. The image or thought held as true seeks, in a sense, liberation from being held as true.

The impulse to hold an image or thought as true comes from a desire to protect or support an apparent me or I. It comes from devotion to this apparent me and I. It comes from love for this apparent me and I. It’s innocent love.

There is wisdom in this love. There is intelligence in it, in a conventional sense.

It’s often innocently misguided as well.

These deficient selves may run and operate even if the nature of reality has been realized in a general sense. There may be a general and global realization of the nature of reality, and at the same time, there are these deficient selves here which still live in confusion.

These deficient selves are often habitually rejected, pushed away, made wrong (even as they are identified with). They feel lost, rejected, isolated, unloved, because they are. And that makes the global self – what I take as me – feel lost, rejected, isolated, unloved.

They wish to be seen, felt and loved, as they are. They wish to be welcomed. They wish to be recognized for what they are: devoted to the apparent me, loving the me, innocently holding onto images and thoughts as true, in an attempt to protect and support this me. They wish to recognize themselves as this.

They wish to be recognized as awakeness and presence, taking these forms, and they wish to recognize themselves as awakeness and presence.

They wish for the apparent me – what I take as me – to see, feel, and love them. Welcome them, as they are. Recognize them for what they are. And through that, they can do the same for themselves. Through that, they can find liberation.

A sage will see, feel and love others for what they are, as they are, and this allows them to meet themselves in the same way. And these deficient selves are no different. They wish me – what I take as me – to be a sage for them, to see, feel and love them as they are. Meet them, as Pamela Wilson says, in satsang.

So how can I do this? It’s more a recognition than a doing. It’s a recognition of what’s already here.

The hurt self comes up. There is an image of a hurt self. There are thoughts coming up along with it. There is sadness. Heartache. A sharp sensation in my heart. A heaviness. For each of these, and for the whole of it…..

Can I find where it’s already allowed – by life, by awakeness, by presence? Can I find where I wish to intentionally join with this allowing? If so….

You are welcome here.

Can I find where its here to protect me? Where it wishes the best for me? Is so….

Thank you for protecting me.

Can I find its devotion to me? Its love for me? If so….

Thank you for your love for me.

Can I find where I have made it into an enemy in the past? Where I have rejected it?

I am sorry for having made you into an enemy.

Can I find its strength? (For instance in resistance.) If so….

I need your strength. I don’t wish it to go away.

Can I find the intelligence and wisdom in it? (In a conventional sense.)

Thank you for your intelligence and wisdom.

Can I find where it’s perhaps (also) innocently misguided?

Thank you for your love.

Read More