Tag: the work of byron katie

Inquiry journal vol. 1

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I thought I would start an inquiry journal. Just like my regular journals, each article will have several entries.

I will likely use several types of inquiry – sense field inquiry (Buddhist inquiry, Kiloby Inquiries), examining painful beliefs and identities (The Work of Byron Katie), being with myself in the past, dialog with myself and others as whole, healed, mature, and awake (my own inquiry), and so on.

A few things I plan to explore: (a) My reaction/sensitivity to noise. (b) Feeling that nobody stood up for me when I was growing up. (c) The part of me that wants me to be sick, in order to protect me. Related to that, (d) the part of me that wants me to be hidden and invisible. And (d) me when I got CFS age fifteen, I was quite stressed at the time.

This page is a work in progress until it gets long enough so I’ll start the next volume. I like to revisit and continue inquiries, so each segment here may also keep developing for a while.

September 2, 2026

Sense field inquiry on sounds

Topic is the threat from noise. These days, specifically bangs on the wall when I try to rest or sleep.

Imagine you in that situation, trying to rest and hearing a bang on the wall

Is it a threat? Yes, I notice a knot in my stomach. That knot tells me it’s a threat, a danger

Feel the sensations of that knot

Are they a threat? Yes, they feel like a threat

How do you know? I see a dark image on top of them

Look at that image. See it out in front of you. Look at the color, texture, lines, shape. Take your time

Is that image a threat? 

Yes, I feel sensations in the jaw and neck 

(The image seems connected with those sensations, the contractions there, and gives a sense of threat.) 

Feel those sensations

Say to the sensations: You can stay as long as you want 

Are those sensations a threat? Yes, there is a knot in my stomach 

Anything else? I see an image of those sensations 

Feel the sensations of the knot in the stomach. Notice the space around the sensation. Notice the sensations happen in infinite space. Notice that space 

Are the sensations a threat? 

Yes, they seem connected with the sensations in the jaws and  neck

Feel those sensations, notice the space 

Feel the knot and the jaws and neck 

What is your earliest memory of feeling that? (In connection with sound) 

My mother nagging my father 

Look at that image, of your mother nagging your father. See it out in front of you. Notice the colors, lines, texture.

Is that image a threat? 

Yes, it has a charge, sensations on my skin on all over my body, knot in my stomach, tense jaw and neck, tense face, 

Feel those sensations, notice they are already allowed, notice the space they happen within 

Notice them as sensations 

“You are welcome here, stay as long as you want”

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What is a belief?

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What is a belief?

I can find a few different ways to talk about it, from my own experience.

OUR SYSTEM HOLDING A THOUGHT AS TRUE

Most simply, a belief is our system holding a thought – a mental representation – as true.

Our conscious view may align with that belief. Or it may not align with it, but our system – somewhere – holds it as true which colors our perception and life.

Often, it’s held as an exclusive truth that excludes other perspectives.

And it does involve some blindness, at a visceral level, to the nature of thoughts: As questions about the world. As mental representations, different in kind from what they point to (unless they happen to point to mental representations). As a map that, by necessity, simplifies and highlights some aspects of what they point to and leave much out. As a reflection of a very limited insight. (What we know is little and what we don’t know is infinite.) As provisional guides for our attention and life in the world.

IDENTIFYING WITH THE VIEWPOINT OF A THOUGHT

A belief is identifying with the viewpoint of a thought.

Any mental representation – words, mental images – come with a viewpoint.

When the consciousness we are identifies with the viewpoint of a thought, it takes the form of a belief in that thought.

We operate as if we are that viewpoint, and as if it’s true.

SENSATIONS ASSOCIATED WITH THOUGHTS

A belief is created by the mind associating certain mental representations and certain body sensations.

The mental representations give meaning to the body sensations, and the body sensations give a sense of substance, solidity, realness, and truth to the mental representations.

In order to hold a thought as true, the bodymind needs to tense up certain muscles in order to create a more steady sensation in that area of the body. This, in turn, lends solidity, substance, and a sense of reality to the thought. If a thought is to be held as true over time, it leads to chronic tension and muscle contractions.

A WAY TO FIND A SENSE OF SAFETY

Beliefs are a way to find a sense of safety.

They may tell us something stressful or uncomfortable, and yet, at least we have some sense of safety from telling ourselves that we know. We know how it is.

In reality, there is no safety to find in mental representations. They are always questions about the world, whether we notice or not.

A DEFENSE AGAINST LOVE

Beliefs are a defense against love.

My nature is love. When my nature notices itself, I find I am (what a thought may call) love.

It’s not a love dependent on feelings or states. It’s a love that comes from the consciousness I am noticing itself, and noticing that the world – as it appears to me – happens within and as what I am.

It’s the love of the left hand removing a splinter from the right.

Beliefs requires identification with a viewpoint, in opposition to other viewpoints. It requires identification with something within the field of experience. It requires a release our of my nature noticing itself.

It’s a kind of defense against love, against my nature noticing itself.

CONTRACTION

A belief is a contraction.

It’s a contraction from what we are – that which the whole world, as it appears to us, happens within and as – to taking ourselves to be a part within the field of experience.

It’s a body contraction, since chronic sensations – supporting chronic beliefs – are brought about through chronic physical tension.

It’s a mental contraction – from finding fluidity and limited validity in a wide range of viewpoints to identifying and holding onto one or a few viewpoints as true.

It’s an emotional contraction – it brings about discomfort, reactivity, and defensiveness.

A WAY FOR CONSCIOUSNESS/LIFE TO EXPERIENCE SEPARATION

Beliefs are a way for the consciousness I am to experience separation. It’s a way for life to experience separation. It’s part of the play of consciousness and life.

As soon as a thought is held as true, the consciousness we are identifies with the viewpoint of the thought and – in its own experience – “becomes” that viewpoint. There is identification with something within the field of experience, and that immediately creates an experience of duality. I am this, you andthe wider world are that.

This is a remarkable achievement for consciousness and life, and adds to the richness of how consciousness and life experiences itself. It also comes with inherent stress, discomfort, and either low-grade or obvious suffering.

INHERITED AND PASSED ON

Mental representations are passed on, as is the habit of holding some of them as true.

They are passed on from our birth family, culture, subcultures, and so on.

We learn them, take them on, make them our own, and pass them on to others.

They are far less personal than they may seem.

For instance, just about every stressful thought is simple, universal, and shared by a great number of people.

Also, every thought was once made up by someone and passed on, modified, and eventually came to us.

EXPLORING THIS

These are just a few ways to look at beliefs, and they all reflect what’s here in more direct noticing.

How can we explore this? How have I explored it?

In the initial oneness shift, it was very clear that thoughts cannot even beging to touch reality. Thoughts are pointers and questions about the world. They cannot hold any final, absolute, or full truth. They have a temporary and practical function only.

Since then, I have explored thoughts through different forms of structured and guided noticing, also known as inquiry.

The Work of Byron Katie helps us identify and examine thoughts that our system, somewhere, holds as true, and find what’s genuinely more true for us.

The Kiloby Inquiries is a modernized form of traditional Buddhist sense-field inquiry.

The Big Mind process is a version of Voice Dialog and parts work that adds aspects of our nature, and it’s a way to explore viewpoints and their relationships.

The Big Mind process and the Headless experiments helps us notice our nature, and to recognize the nature of thoughts as well, along with their gifts and limitations.

Inquiry: My existence is a nuisance

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Among my earliest memories are (a) crying in my crib and nobody coming (my mother subscribed to the approach of not responding to crying babies), and (b) my mother appearing preoccupied and seeing me as a nuisance. I can easily see how this fits with parts of me feeling hopeless, not wanting to be seen, thinking/feeling I have nothing to contribute, and so on.

I see how it ties into a lifelong pattern of prioritizing these parts of me, and how my chronic illness of CFS fits into a pattern of hiding and freezing. I also notice some shame around this, which points to something unresolved there.

Statement: My existence is a nuisance.

Situation: I am maybe two or three years old. My mother is in the kitchen. I am outside the kitchen and then step in, and she seems preoccupied and annoyed by my presence.

Is it true?

Yes, it feels true.

Can you know for certain that it’s true?

No.

What happens, how do you react, when you believe that thought?

I don’t want to exist. I try to not exist. I breathe more shallowly. I try to not move much. I try to not make much sound. I try to be invisible. I freeze. My system goes into freeze. I feel that my existence is wrong. I feel that nobody wants me here. I feel that everyone sees me as a nuisance. (And if they don’t, they will.) I leave. I avoid my mother. I go to another room to play quietly. I feel unloved and unlovable.

In my mind, I attack myself. I try to make myself invisible to protect myself. I feel scared. The one who is here to protect me seems annoyed by my existence. I don’t have anyone on my side. I don’t have the backing of anyone. I am alone, alone in the world.

I try to not exist by not breathing, by shutting my system down, by being quiet and invisible. I try to protect myself in that way.

Who would you be, in that same situation, without it?

I feel more open, spacious. My life and existence is more spacious. I can breathe. I am more fully myself. I notice my mother and decide to not interact. It comes from some wisdom and kindness. There is no thought of attacking myself or freezing, it’s not needed.

Turnarounds

What are the turnarounds to the initial statement? Can I find genuine and specific examples of how each one is true?

TA1: My existence is not a nuisance.

(a) I don’t know if that’s how she saw me in that situation. It’s my interpretation and my words. It’s a painful interpretation I gave myself and took and lived as true.

(b) The idea of nuisance is an idea. It’s created by the human mind, and specifically this human mind. It’s not inherent in reality. I don’t know the bigger picture.

(c) In other situations, she has expressed the reverse. If she thought it then, it seems she hasn’t thought it in all other situations, and other parts of her may have seen it differently even then. It’s not all of her.

TA2: My existence is a blessing.

In that situation, I can’t immediately find specific examples. What I can do is take it in, to feel how it is to be here now as if it’s true.

What I find is that if she was clear, whole, and healthy, she would likely see my existence as a blessing. That’s what we do. The nuisance view comes from her own wounds and traumas, likely traumas passed on through generations. I imagine into that situation of her whole, healthy, and clear, and me with her.

Outside of that situation, I can find examples. (a) She has said she loves me, cares about me, and wants the best for me. She has that side too. (b) Others have, at times, expressed love and appreciation for me. (c) I have done things others likely have seen and experienced as a blessing. (d) I am making 15 hectares in the Andes into a kind of nature preserve, and the millions of beings there would likely see me as a blessing if they knew.

In that situation, I see that my existence is a blessing in that it helps her to see her own patterns and dynamics. My existence likely highlighted something in her for herself. She may or may not have made good use of it, but it’s still a blessing.

TA3: Your existence is a nuisance.

Yes, when I think that my existence is a nuisance – to someone, to you, then I make you a nuisance to me. To me, you remind me of my own lack. I make your existence bring up discomfort in me. That’s a strange form of mental gymnastics. It’s not fair to you or me.

Living turnaround: I will take “My existence is a blessing” with me in daily life and see how it is to live while noticing it. I will also keep the “Your existence is a nuisance” insights with me.

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My body is here for me and doing its best

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Someone posted this in a social media group for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), and some responded saying their body has become their enemy and their prison.

I understand. It’s natural to see it that way, especially in our culture.

I see it and viscerally experience it differently.

COMPASSION AND GRATITUDE

I find a deep compassion for my body dealing with all that’s going on related to the CFS. It’s doing its best. It’s innocent and hard-working.

I have a deep gratitude for this body, for the same reason. It’s here. It’s doing its best. It’s supporting this life. It’s allowing me this life in the world.

I find that my body is my friend. It’s my best friend (one of many!). It’s here for me. It’s whole existence is devoted to me.

AM I IN THE BODY OR IS THE BODY IN ME?

I also find it useful to ask myself this question: Am I in the body, or is the body in me?

I find that I am space for this body and whatever it’s experiencing and the symptoms related to the CFS. It’s all happening within this awake space and as this awake space. (This awakeness is the ordinary awakeness I assume is here for all “conscious beings”, it’s nothing special.)

I also find that the symptoms, like everything else, are ephemeral. They come and go and are always new and fresh and different.

EXPLORING

How did I find this? Through many years of processing, inquiry, and explorations to find what’s genuinely true for me. I have identified and explored innumerable stressful thoughts about my body and its symptoms and found genuine and specific examples of how the reversals are as or more true. The Work of Byron Katie has been very helpful here, as has the Big Mind process, basic mediation, Headless experiments, sense field explorations (Kiloby Inquiries), and mainly curiosity and noticing.

I also know that many parts of me are not on board with this, and come up to be seen, felt, understood, included, loved, and so on. I also know that with different symptoms and in different circumstances, different things may come up in me.

There is always further to go, and there is always what I am invited to explore and notice here and now.

CULTURE AND BODY

These views always happen within a culture, and one way to understand cultures is to see where they fall on the partnership and domination spectrum.

In short, before the agricultural revolution around 10,000 years ago, we were all indigenous. We lived in cultures largely on the partnership side of the spectrum. We saw ourselves as nature, as part of the web of life, as the web of life giving us life, as ephemeral expressions of this web of life, of all life as sacred, and so on.

With the agricultural revolution, we had the opportunity to amass wealth and “own” land, animals, and even people. This had to be justified, and that’s where a stronger domination orientation came in. We see ourselves as separate from nature, we are superior to nature, nature is suspicious, we need to control in order to find safety, the mind comes from and lives inside of the body, the sacred is removed to a sky god and the afterlife, and so on.

If we have that worldview, it’s no surprise if we see the body as a burden, or even an enemy or prison, as soon as it’s not healthy. If it’s not doing what we think it should be doing, we try to control it and we find ways to struggle with it.

On the other hand, if we have more of a partnership orientation, it looks different.

With that worldview, it’s natural to see the body as doing its best. If it’s sick, it’s often because the larger systems – social and ecological – are sick, as they are today. We live in a culture of imagined alienation and separation and consequently lives that feel, to some extent, empty. We live in an ecosystem that’s severely impacted by and degraded because of this culture.

No wonder we get sick. Our individual illnesses are often a symptom of what’s happening in the larger social and ecological systems, and it’s ultimately a symptom of our domination culture.

If our body is not healthy, we look (among other things) at the larger systems for reasons and we seek solutions in partnership with the body. For instance, we may seek to support our body by changing our diet, reducing stress, moving to a better climate, and so on, along with whatever approaches make sense from mainstream medicine.

The image is by me and Midjourney

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Willem Dafoe: I try to not get stuck

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Yes, we are not really any of it – ideas, viewpoints, identities, roles. These are all positions we can take and explore. Some are helpful in some situations and others in other situations, they all enrich our lives, and it’s good to find some fluidity with it and hold it all lightly.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. When we come from fear, wounds, and traumas, we tend to find and create a position we hold onto in order to feel safer, and when that position is threatened, it feels like we are threatened. It can feel like a matter of life and death.

WITH A LITTLE MORE DETAIL

Said another way, with a little more detail…

Roles, views, identities, ideas, and so on are clearly not what we fundamentally are. They come and go. In one situation, we take one role, in another, another role. In one conversation, we take one view, in another, another view. This also changes over time. When I was ten I used another set of views, identities, and roles than I do now.

And yet, we can feel that it’s what we are. Parts of us hold onto a certain viewpoint – which is all an identity, role, or idea is – in order to find safety. It feels safe to retreat into a certain viewpoint. It may be familiar. It’s known, to some extent. It allows us to not have to investigate so much. When that happens, we identify with and as that viewpoint. In our own experience, we become it.

That means that anything that seems to threaten that viewpoint – anything that goes counter to it, disproves it, questions it – feels like a threat to what we are. It can feel like an existential threat.

It’s good to notice, it’s good to remind ourselves of what’s going on, and it’s good to invite in more fluidity – through healing, identifying and questioning the viewpoints, and so on.

To the extent we are able to find fluidity with it, it brings less stress to our lives, it allows us to respond more appropriately to different situations, and it can enrich our lives and our experience of ourselves immensely.

WHAT’S GOING ON

And said yet another way, from another perspective…

MY NATURE

To myself, I am not fundamentally these viewpoints that come and go. I am not fundamentally anything within the content of experience since it all comes and goes, including any ideas of this human self, an observer, doer, and so on.

I find I am fundamentally something else. I am what it all comes and goes within. I am this awake space that the world, as it appears to me, happens within and as. This is not a special awake space, it’s the awake space that likely all “conscious beings” are to themselves.

NOTICING ITSELF OR NOT

The consciousness I am can notice itself, and the world as it appears to me as itself. It’s learning to notice itself through changing states and experiences and allowing this human self to live within that context.

The consciousness I am can also take itself to be something within the content of experience. It can take itself to be a viewpoint or a set of viewpoints. This works only to a certain extent, although it can seem convincing if it’s able to distract itself enough from noticing its nature.

PARTS OF ME CAUGHT UP IN VIEWPOINTS

There is another wrinkle here.

This awake space can notice itself, and even notice itself through changing states and experiences, and there are still many parts of me – many parts of the psyche – that hold onto viewpoints for safety.

Parts of me identify with viewpoints to find safety, and that’s how wounds – hangups, trauma, or whatever we want to call it – are created and maintained.

EXPLORING IT

One of my favorite ways to explore this is the Big Mind process. Here, I can notice and explore my nature, and I can also explore the many different viewpoints possible for me, including the ones parts of me hold onto for safety. I get to know them, how my personality relates to them, how this human self can relate to them in a more constructive way, create partnerships with these parts of me, and so on.

I also like to explore this through The Work of Byron Katie. I identify a stressful thought, which shows me that there is some identification with the view of that thought. I explore what happens when a part of me holds onto it. I get a sense of how it would be, here and now, without holding onto it in that way. And I get to explore the genuine validity in the many reversals of the initial thought, in contrasting perspectives on the same topic.

Apart from that, any kind of healing helps us – and parts of us – soften the grip on these viewpoints.

IT’S ALL ABOUT VIEWPOINTS

As mentioned above, any role, identity, opinion, idea, and so on are essentially viewpoints.

Any thought comes with a viewpoint. If it’s held lightly, it’s easy to shift between several viewpoints and find the genuine validity in them all, and a bigger picture that holds the limited validity in them all. If it’s held in a strong grip, it becomes something to defend, prop up, use as a weapon, hide behind, and so on.

THE RICHNESS IN IT

There is an immense richness in all of the possible viewpoints available to us.

Any idea is a viewpoint, any viewpoint is a new and different way to look at something, and it’s all in me.

The more viewpoints I explore and am familiar with in myself, and the more fluidity I find among them, the richer my life is – in the world, in perception, and in my experience of myself.

A SIMPLE PRACTICAL POINTER

When I notice I hold onto a view in a fixed way, I may not be able to shift out of it immediately, but I notice and I make a mental note of it. When things have calmed down a bit, I explore it.

What are some of the other views here? What’s the validity in each of them? How would it be to acknowledge and live that too? How would it be to find a little more fluidity here?

How would I live my life differently, here and now?

How does it enrich my life?

EASIER FOR MY NATURE TO NOTICE ITSELF

This exploration not only enriches my life by bringing in the possibility of perceiving and living from more viewpoints. It enriches my life because it makes it easier for my nature to notice itself.

Holding onto viewpoints is fine. It’s natural and ultimately innocent (although it comes with stress.)

And it can also be a distraction from my nature noticing itself. It’s a distraction from noticing what’s already so obviously here. This awake space that the world, as it appears to me, happens within and as.

The reverse of everything I write is also true, as is the reverse of every thought and what parts of me identify with

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The reverse of everything I write here also has validity, as has the reverse of everything I think and every viewpoint parts of me identify with.

The only question is what kind of validity it has. What are the genuine and specific examples?

As I often mention here, thoughts are questions about the world. They have a pragmatic function in helping us orient and function in the world. They cannot hold any full, final, absolute, or exclusive truth. Reality is always more than and different from our ideas about it.

A FEW EXAMPLES

And there is some validity in every thought, and every reversal of every thought, the question is just what kind of validity is there. What are the specific and genuine examples?

For instance, I often write that I am what the world, to me, happens within and as. One reversal is that I am not what the world, to me, happens within and as. That’s true in that there is no “I” there, it’s just awake space. (And not any special kind of awakeness, just the regular kind of awakeness inherent in consciousness.) Any “I” is an idea and part of the content of experience, it’s part of what comes and goes.

I just wrote that it’s not a special kind of awakeness, which is true enough. It’s likely inherent in all consciousnesses no matter the content and expression. The reversal is that it is a special kind of awakeness. That’s true for me in that it’s an utter mystery. It’s very special in that sense, just as the existence of anything at all is a mystery and special. Also, when this awakeness notices itself, through what looks like some loops in the psyche, that’s special too in a sense, at least among humans.

I value finding the validity in a range of thoughts and their perspectives, including the reversals. The reversal is that it’s valuable to take one view and reject other views. Sometimes, in a world where many do just this, it’s important to do the same. Sometimes, it’s helpful to take a stance, speak up, stand your ground, and make something happen in that way. It’s especially important when it can help myself or someone else, when we need someone to speak up and fight for us.

The psychological impact of our ecological crisis

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We are local and temporary expressions of larger social and ecological systems, so our whole life and existence is impacted by our global ecological crisis.

Our life-support system is in a massive crisis, we notice and know, and this will inevitably bring up things i many of us – stress, grief, anxiety, anger, old trauma, a wish to work for change, and so on.

A recent study found that in the US, a majority of young people are concerned (AKA scared) about the future. (Survey of young people aged 16-25 from all US states shows concerns across political spectrum in The Guardian.)

So how do we deal with it?

I won’t write a detailed and general overview, but I can share some of what I have found that helps me:

WORLDVIEW & ASSUMPTIONS

I explore more nourishing and life-centered worldviews, and I actively work on allowing these to transform me.

I love the Universe Story. It’s based in science and gives a context of wonder and awe for our lives. We are the local and temporary expressions of the unfolding of the universe. We are the universe bringing itself into consciousness. We are the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe. The history of the universe is, in a very real sense, our history. It’s how we came to be.

Similarly, I am a local and temporary expression of the always-evolving living system we call Earth. I am nature.

Everything I am and know – thoughts, feelings, actions, human civilization – are local and temporary expressions of this unfolding universe and the processes of this living planet.

This is a view of holarchies, of wholes within larger wholes and with smaller wholes within it. It’s a view of all as inherently sacred. If we want, it’s a view of all of reality, whatever that is, as God.

This is a more life-centered worldview. It helps me see myself as an intrinsic – temporary and local – expression of the unfoldment of it all. It helps me hold my thoughts and assumptions more lightly.

IDENTIFYING THE LESS LIFE-CENTERED WORLDVIEWS AND ASSUMPTIONS

This is in contrast to the conventional worldview of our civilization, which is of separation. This is the worldview of our agricultural civilization, aimed at justifying unequal access to resources, domestication, social hierarchies, abuse of living beings and nature, theft of the land of those who are “inferior”, and so on.

Here, we are separate from nature. Mind is separate from body. Only humans have souls. The sacred is in a god in the sky. We should take someone’s word about the fundamentals of who and what we are, and pretend we believe it (whatever that means). Western civilization is superior. Nature is here for our benefit. Nature is infinite. Thoughts can tell us the full, absolute, and final truth about something. We best understand something by taking it apart to its smallest parts. If one thought is true, other perspectives must be false. Some emotions are good and others are bad. We see the world in polarities where one end is bad and undesirable and the other good and desirable. And more.

I find it helpful to know some of this history, recognize these kinds of worldviews and assumptions, explore the effects of these, and find worldviews and assumptions that are more life-centered and can help us develop a more ecologically sound civilization.

OTHER ASSUMPTIONS

I also use other assumptions that, in my experience, fit with a more life-centered worldview.

I see all beings as primarily consciousness. They are consciousness to themselves, just as I am, and we all live through different bodies with different psyches. All beings are then fundamentally the same as me. All beings want happiness and to be free of suffering, just like me.

Thoughts are questions about the world. They have a practical function only, to help us orient and function in the world. They cannot hold any full, final, or absolute truth. The world is always more than and different from our maps.

If people act in destructive ways, it’s either because of the system we are all part of or trauma. Usually, it’s both. The system leads to trauma, and the system and trauma come together to bring about destructive actions. (This is the system that comes from a worldview of separation.)

BEFRIENDING EXPERIENCE

I explore befriending my experiences and wounded parts of myself.

How do I relate to this experience that’s here? These sensations, mental images, words? Can I find a more gentle and kind way to relate to it?

When I experience distress, it comes from distressed parts of me. It’s not all of me. These parts want the same as me: Love, kindness, acceptance, understanding, support. How is it to give it to them? How is it to give them what they most deeply want? How is it to be a good parent to these parts of me?

ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE HUMAN

I allow myself to be human with easy and difficult days and the full range of human experiences, thoughts, emotions, hopes and fears. It’s normal. It’s human. It makes me like anyone else.

In a very real sense, these emotions are the emotions of this living system we call Earth. They are the local and temporary expressions of Earth, in this case, responding to what’s happening to itself. (Filtered through the usual biases, interpretations, hangups, and so on that this particular local and temporary expression of this living system has.)

THE REALITIES OF LIVING IN THIS SYSTEM

Most of us live within this global civilization which is inherently ecocidal and suicidal. It’s a system that assumes separation from nature, and infinite natural resources. That means that all of us, inevitably, live lives that are somewhat ecocidal and suicidal. It’s mostly about the system, and less about us as individuals.

I know that living in this system, my life will inevitably be somewhat destructive. It’s inevitable. It’s not personal, it’s how it is for all of us. What I can do is do my small part in nudging it in a more life-centered direction.

ENGAGEMENT

I do whatever small things I can do in my own life. I compost. Eat organic and local if possible. Take public transportation unless I have a good reason to use a car. Vote for those who take our ecological crisis seriously.

I am also in the fortunate situation that I have land in the Andes and am working on regeneration, reforestation, and creating a food forest here. I love the work we are doing to help this land. This morning, I planted more Maya nut seeds, and participating in the regeneration in this way, in partnership with the nature here, is deeply rewarding and meaningful.

Engagement in the solutions, even in apparently small ways, gives a more visceral sense of hope.

COMMUNITY

I seek out communities of like-minded people. I loved being at the Zen Center in Salt Lake City. I love the Breema community. I love the Permaculture community. I love the people in the Green Party in Norway that I have met. When I am reminded of the Universe Story, Deep Ecology, Permaculture, systems views, and so on, I feel connected to a worldwide community of people who share these interests and this orientation.

Here in the Andes, I seek out and have found people who work with regeneration, bodymind practices, and so on. Just knowing about them helps me a lot, and I also enjoy the interactions and exchanges.

VOTING

Voting alone is not going to save us, but it is an important piece of the puzzle.

If I know what’s happening in the world today, and it’s the consequence of the policies of the parties that have been in power for decades, it makes no sense to vote for these.

I personally vote for, and am a member of, the Green Party in Norway. They get the situation, want to do something about it, and get enough votes to be included in the government.

QUESTIONING STRESSFUL STORIES & EXPLORING PROJECTIONS

I identify and question my stressful stories. For this, I generally use The Work of Byron Katie, although I did it so much that The Work mostly does itself.

This is an effective way to explore – to notice and own – projections and the shadow. What I see in others is also here in me. Whatever story I have about someone else, I can turn it to myself and find genuine and specific examples of how it’s true.

I am in the same boat as everyone else. I am not inherently better or worse. (Also because ideas about better or worse are just that, ideas. It’s not inherent in reality.) I live in the same system as everyone else.

MEDITATION & YOGA

I have done a good amount of meditation in my life, although these days it’s mostly in the form of noticing in daily life. I especially like basic meditation – to notice and allow what’s here, fail at it, and then notice it’s all already noticed and allowed.

I find training more stable attention very helpful, it supports just about any activity in daily life and also general well-being.

I have also variously done tai chi, qigong, yoga, and Breema, and love it. It’s nourishing and brings me home to myself – as bodymind and the consciousness it’s happening within – in a more visceral way.

NOTICING MY NATURE

I have used the Big Mind process and Headless experiments to explore my nature, although these days I mostly just notice.

In one sense, I am a human being in the world. That’s not wrong. It’s an assumption that works relatively well, although it also comes with inherent stress and discomfort.

In my own first-person experience, I find I am fundamentally something else. I am what the world, as it appears to me, happens within and as. I am consciousness, and the world, to me, happens within and as the consciousness I am.

This gives a different and more real context to this life and everything else.

I should mention that this says something about my nature, not the nature of all of existence, and that’s more than enough. It leaves the nature of all of existence open for question and exploration.

HEART-CENTERED PRACTICES

I use tonglen and ho’oponopono.

In tonglen, I visualize someone in front of me. It can be an individual (including myself) or group or the whole world. I see their suffering as black smoke and breathe it in. In me, it transforms to light and I breathe that light out and into the other(s). I repeat many times until and beyond there is a deepening shift. This helps me viscerally see myself in others, it opens for empathy, and any sense of division softens and/or goes away.

In ho’o, I similarly visualize someone – perhaps someone I have a difficult relationship with in my life or the world. I say: I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. (To me, they happen within and as what I am so this makes sense, although it works even if it doesn’t make sense at a thought level.)

NATURE

I love to spend time in nature. The more untouched the better, although any nature is nourishing – even if it’s just seeing the sky and clouds outside the window. I love to work in the garden. It’s amazing how plants grow and how a plant comes out of a seed and knows how to do all of it.

It also helps me to notice that I am nature. Everything around me is nature. It’s all this living system we call Earth forming itself into all of it, including what we think of as human civilization.

DON’T KNOW

I don’t know how this will all unfold. I don’t know what will happen with Earth and human civilization.

It’s possible we won’t have much time left, and that’s OK. Our time as a species and civilization always had an expiration date.

It’s also possible that some of us will come out at the other end.

I don’t know. I can know what science says. I can know the different scenarios and how likely each of them looks to us now. And I cannot know for certain.

For me, there is peace in resting in that don’t know. It’s what’s most honest to me.

DEATH GIVES LIFE

I also know that death gives life. The death of stars made this planet and us and all we know possible. The death of species allows new species to emerge. The death of individuals give space for new individuals.

Death is what allows everything we know.

We wouldn’t be here without it. This universe as we know it couldn’t exist without it.

THE BEAUTY OF THE FLEETING

Everything has an expiration date. Our civilization has an expiration date. Our species has an expiration date. I have an expiration date. It will all be completely gone one day, with no-one to remember any of it.

That can seem sad and terrible, and there is also an immense beauty in it. There is an immense beauty in that everything is fleeting. Everything has its time and is then gone.

IMPERMANENCE & OUR NATURE

One of the beautiful things in the fleeting nature of everything is that it invites us to notice our own fundamental nature.

Everything in my field of experience is fleeting. It’s always changing. Everything about this human self is fleeting and changing.

So how can I fundamentally be any of it? What am I more fundamentally?

I find I am what it all happens within and as. To myself, I am consciousness forming itself into all of it.

Getting this in mental representations is one thing. It’s a good start and can give inspiration to explore it in immediate noticing. What it is about is the noticing and viscerally getting it through noticing. That’s where it transforms this human self, over time. And it is more than possible to notice it and keep noticing it. If there is a sincere wish, and some guidance, it’s more than possible.

An holarcy of identifications: pruning cat’s claw & working with beliefs

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Yesterday morning, I was removing most of a cat’s claw (uña de gato, Uncaria tomentosa) vine near the entrance to the garden of the small house. The cat’s claw is a native pioneer and invaluable for the recovery of the ecosystem when the land is degraded.

In this case, I wanted to remove one to make space for new plants. The process wasn’t too easy, and somehow, it reminded me of inquiring into beliefs and working on identifications in general.

THE CAT’S CLAW NETWORK OF BRANCHES AND THORNS

The cat’s claw has sharp thorns that connect with whatever it touches, so I started by removing a lot of smaller branches on the outside of the vine.

I cut and pulled on them, but they would attach to other branches making it difficult to get them out. They would also attach to my clothes and skin.

After removing them, I would work on the next layer. And the next, until I finally got to the main central branches.

INQUIRY INTO A NETWORK OF BELIEFS – WITH THEIR OWN BRANCHES AND THORNS!

When I explore beliefs with The Work of Byron Katie, it’s similar. For it to be effective, I often need to work on a whole network of connected beliefs.

The Judge Your Neighbor (JYN) worksheet is great for identifying some to start with.

During inquiry, more come up and I keep a note of them for later.

It’s also possible to ask some questions under question three to get to connected and/or underlying beliefs. For instance: What’s the worst that can happen if…? What do you most fear will happen if… What’s your first memory of having that belief?

BELIEF = IDENTIFICATION = IDENTIFYING WITH THE VIEWPOINT OF A STORY

What is a belief?

There is a simple answer: It’s when I hold a thought as true. I hold the story told by the thought as true. I perceive and live as if it’s true.

More accurately: The consciousness I am identifies with the viewpoint of a story. It perceives and lives as if it is that viewpoint, at least as far as that is possible. It pretends to do so and makes it appear very convincing to itself.

A HOLARCHY OF IDENTIFICATIONS

It seems that beliefs and identifications form a kind of holarchy. A nested set of systems or networks from small to larger to the full system.

There are smaller networks of closely related identifications, often with one or a few underlying assumptions. Then, there are larger clusters of beliefs with a set of related underlying beliefs tying them together. Finally, there is the system of all the beliefs and identifications together.

Some are more closely related, and some are more distantly related, but they are all interconnected. They all prop each other up. And most of them rest on a network of a few underlying universal beliefs.

To take one example of a small network of beliefs, resting on one or a few underlying beliefs: If she is making that face, it means she doesn’t love me and will leave me. If I am not a good boy, they won’t like and accept me. I am different (and that’s bad). I am an outsider. Nobody likes me. And underlying these: I am unlovable. I am unloved.

A HOUSE OF CARDS?

I remember Adyashanti talking about identifications and, at some point, we may find and examine one that makes the whole house of cards fall apart. That’s like getting to the central vines when removing the cat’s claw.

I suspect it’s true and also not the full story. With the whole house of cards, I suspect he means that some central identifications fall away so that the consciousness we are more easily recognizes itself. That’s true enough, but there is likely a network of identifications left to be explored.

GLOBAL VS LOCAL

The consciousness I am may generally and globally recognize itself. That shift happened here when this human self was sixteen, and it’s still here.

At the same time, my system still holds onto a whole network of identifications and painful beliefs. Parts of my psyche hold onto painful stories as true, and perceive and operate as if they are true.

I am a whole ecosystem, and my conscious view and orientation is just the context for it all. It’s far from the whole story.

THREE STATES OF THE ECOSYSTEM

Default mode. Sometimes, the consciousness I am notices itself and recognizes all appearances as itself, at least when attention goes there. Not too much else is going on. That’s how it is right now.

Relating consciously to what’s triggered. Sometimes, the consciousness I am notices that wounded parts of the psyche are triggered. It’s able to notice what’s happening, recognize it as happening within and as itself, and relate to it more consciously. (Really, it’s my psyche relating to itself more consciously.)

In this state of the ecosystem, these wounded parts – the ones still holding onto painful stories as true – can be seen, felt, met, recognized as love, loved, welcomed, and so on. This helps them to unwind, relax a bit, and even recognize their own nature.

Caught up in what’s triggered. There is also another state of the ecosystem, and that’s when a wounded part of me gets triggered, and my conscious view joins in. The consciousness I am identifies with the viewpoint of the painful story that a part of the psyche holds as true. At an obvious level, this usually doesn’t last too long.

Of course, reality is not quite as clean. There can be a mix of some of these, and one can flow into another relatively quickly.

COLOR MY PERCEPTION AND LIFE

I am also very aware that no matter what state the ecosystem is in, many different parts of my psyche still hold onto beliefs. These inevitably color my perception and my life, and I am not even aware of exactly how.

That’s why a big part of my journey has been to explore healing and finding healing for these many parts of me still living in confusion, pain, and as if certain painful stories are true.

AN ONGOING PROCESS

When the initial oneness shift happened, it was astonishing and turned everything inside out and upside down. It completely changed the life of this human self in the world.

At the same time, I was very aware that it was only the beginning. There is always more to explore and get familiar with, more maturing that can happen, more healing to find, and so on.

One aspect of this is to identify and explore the painful beliefs parts of me still hold as true, even if my conscious view may be quite different from these stories.

It’s an ongoing process, and that’s wonderful in many ways. It means the adventure continues.

(I first wrote the previous sentence as “and that’s wonderful” and noticed parts of me that don’t see it that way feeling excluded. I changed it to “in many ways” as an acknowledgment of the experience of these parts of me.)

I am too old to be useless: Culture and aging

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IDEAS ABOUT AGE COME FROM OUR CULTURE

Yes, our ideas of age and just about everything else are cultural. They’re specific to our culture, and it’s easy to imagine and find examples of cultures that see it differently, including where old age is highly valued.

Value judgments come from our minds and are not inherent in reality. There is nothing in reality that says one age is better than another. It’s all part of life. It’s all part of natural cycles, and each age plays an important role.

Ideas about how aging looks also come from our minds and culture, and reality can be very different. For instance, for each age group, people these days are younger and healthier than just a few decades ago.

IDENTIFYING AND EXAMINING STRESSFUL THOUGHTS ABOUT AGING

Since we live in a culture with ideas about aging, we internalize and live with these ideas whether we consciously believe them or not. That’s why it’s good to identify and examine these ideas and find what’s genuinely more true for us. (It has to be sincere and genuine to sink in and transform us.) The Work of Byron Katie is effective for this, especially when guided by an experienced facilitator. We can find some of our stressful thoughts by answering prompts: Aging means… When I get old…

One turnaround I can see now is “I am too old to be useful” –> “I am too old to be useless”. I am too old to be useless because… I know too much. I have learned too much. I have lived too much. I have a different perspective compared to when I was younger.

SHAPING OUR AGING

There are also ways we can age with grace and even delight. Questioning our stressful thoughts is a good start. In addition, we can… eat low on the food chain. Find meaningful activities. Find or develop communities of people of many ages. Use gentle regular movement (tai chi, qigong, yoga, Breema, gardening, dance, etc.). Explore gratitude, for instance through all-inclusive gratitude practices.

COMMUNITY LEVEL

At a community level, there are also things we can do. We can build retirement homes and kindergartens in the same building and set up activities that join people of different ages. We can move to an intentional community with people of all ages, which helps us stay active and can give us the support we need.

FINDING ALL AGES IN ME AND MYSELF AS AGELESS

Another side is that we have all ages in us, and we are also ageless.

At a human level, everything I see in the world is something I have in myself. I have all ages in me, and all the different ways we can be at each age. The more I get to know these sides of me, the more rich my experience of myself and the world is, and the more fluidity I have in how I live my life.

More essentially, I find myself as that which the whole content of experience – this human self and the wider world and anything else – happens within and as. To myself, I am consciousness, and the world to me happens within and as the consciousness I am. I am what forms itself into the experience of this human self, the wider world, states, thoughts, feelings, and any sense of time and space. Here, I am ageless. I am no age space for any age. I am no age forming itself into the experience of any age.

WHAT I AM DOING

I am not very old yet, but this has been in the back of my mind since early in life, and I have done and am doing all of these things in different ways, although I want to emphasize tai chi, qigong, Breema, and other movement explorations more. I am getting more familiar with the many different ages in me, and I am also curious about how it will be as I keep exploring living from noticing my nature, or my nature noticing itself.

As with just about everything I write about, there is nothing new here and it’s all well known. At the same time, it’s relatively basic and essential to my life so I enjoy reminding myself of it.

The mind may want to find something new and exciting, and yet, bringing the essentials into my life in a consistent way is often more important and effective.

Read on for more info.

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Surrounded by idiots etc. and finding it all here

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I have seen these books in bookstores and have no idea what they are about. I assume the title is a hook and the content is either pragmatic pointers for how to deal with challenging situations, noticing and owning that we are what we see in others, or both.

SUSTAINABILITY AS AN EXAMPLE

I am what I see in the world. For instance, I have been passionate about sustainability since my mid-teens and also exploring projections, so I am very aware that I am doing what I see in others – whether it’s the topic of sustainability or anything else. I also seek out and use worldviews that are inclusive of this.

A SYSTEMS VIEW ON OUR ECOLOGICAL CRISIS

Our ecological crisis is created by the system we all live within. We live in a civilization that assumes that nature is infinite, which is ecocidal and suicidal considering that we are more than 8 billion people and have advanced and efficient technology.

That means that I live a life that’s as destructive to our planet as anyone. It’s almost inevitable considering the systems we all live within. My life is very likely more destructive than most since I live a Western lifestyle with flying long distances, owning not only one but two cars (one in the Andes and one in Norway), and consumption of things I don’t need. Most people in the world don’t have the resources to have such a large ecological footprint. In that context, that I eat organic and local food when I can, take public transportation when I can, have a tiny reforestation and food forest project in the Andes, and so on, is a drop in the bucket. In the bigger picture, my life is more destructive to the planet than that of the vast majority of the world’s population.

When I see people who don’t seem to care much about sustainability, I see myself. It’s a reminder that we live in a system that’s inherently destructive to our planet. It’s a reminder that I too live in this system and are part of the problem, whether I want to or not, and whether I do tiny things here and there to try to counter it.

This perspective makes it all far less personal. It’s about the system. Our current system was developed at a time when our numbers were small and our technology less powerful, so we could assume an infinite nature. We just happen to still operate with that system even if our situation is dramatically different. In that context, it’s all far more innocent – although the destruction is no less real.

ORDINARY PROJECTIONS

Then there is the ordinary and more universal way to explore projections.

I can take any story about the world – in this case, people who live and act in a way that’s harmful to our planet – turn it to myself, and find genuine and specific examples of how I am doing the same. It’s not difficult to find these examples. (The Work of Byron Katie.)

It’s a relief to find these examples, take it in, and allow my images of myself, others, and the world to align with this information. It removes any strong sense of me vs others, or me vs the world. We are all in the same boat. What I see in others and the world is also what I have in myself. It’s what I am living too.

There are many other ways to explore projections, of course, including tonglen which is another of my favorites.

This type of projection is the conventional psychological projection. Whatever characteristics and dynamics I see in the world mirror the same in me and in my life. It may take another form, and it may look and be expressed quite differently, but the essence here and there is the same.

A MORE ESSENTIAL PROJECTION

There is a more essential projection: My mental field creates an overlay on the world. It interprets everything and has stories about everything. Even simple labels – man, woman, sustainability – are assumptions in themselves and typically have a large number of other stories and assumptions connected with them. Even the idea of a world with a mental field overlay is, in itself, created by the mental field. It’s all made up of mental images and words.

My world of images and words is projected onto the world, and it’s projected onto a world that is itself a projection.

THE WORLD IS WHAT I AM

Even more essentially, it’s all happening within and as what I am. The world, to me, happens within and as what I am. The consciousness I am forms itself into all content of experience, including this human self, others, situations, the wider world, states, emotions, ideas, and so on.

What I see in the world not only mirrors what’s in me, at a human level. It’s not only created by my mental field trying to make sense of the world. It is – in a very direct and literal sense – what I am.

The world, as it appears to me, is what I am. The consciousness I am forms itself into it, and it’s inherently ephemeral and always changing.

ALL TOGETHER

It’s all valid in its own way.

Yes, some are more focused on sustainability than others and that’s important and part of the deep systemic change that’s required for us to create a more sustainable civilization.

Since I live within this system, and since I have a Western lifestyle, I am not doing much better than anyone else. In reality, I am very likely in the worst few percent since most in the world involuntarily have a much smaller ecological footprint.

Whatever story I have about anyone in terms of sustainability – or anything else – is a story I can turn to myself and find genuine and specific examples of how it’s true. I do and live what I see in others.

My mental field creates my stories about the world, down to the most basic labels and assumptions.

The world, as it appears to me, happens within and as what I am. The consciousness I am forms itself into all of it. I am – directly and literally – it.

All of this together is a relief. It’s a relief because it’s a bit closer to reality than assuming I am somehow better than others, or blaming myself or others for something that’s an inevitable feature of our current system, or pretending that my stories about the world somehow reflect some final, full, or absolute truth, or pretending that my perception of the world is the world itself.

This frees me up to do more for the Earth. It frees me up to focus more on this reforestation and food forest project which is immensely important for all the beings that live their lives here and will live their lives here.

THE BOOKS

Back to the books by Thomas Eriksson: If they really are about how to deal with people we label idiots etc., I assume they have some practical approaches to deal with them. What I write about here is an addition to and a different context for that.

We can use different pragmatic approaches to deal with challenging situations. We can understand it in a context that’s more real, and kind, and makes it all a little more universal and impersonal. We can work on noticing and owning projections. We can notice how our stories are created by our mental field. And we can notice how the world, to us, happens within and as the consciousness we are.

I should also mention that if the title of the books is to be taken literally – if we think we are surrounded by idiots, narcissists, etc. without seeing it also in ourselves – it’s very likely that others see us as an idiot, narcissist, or whatever it is. We inevitably live out what we don’t recognize in ourselves, and others pick up on it.

If someone tell me something about someone or something, I know that that’s not how that someone or something is – AKA our stories cannot touch reality  

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When someone tells me something, I tend to not buy into it in the same way as they sometimes seem to do. I have noticed that if that’s too obvious, they can get upset, so I have learned to play along to some extent.

Why don’t I buy into the story? Because it’s just one of many that all hold some validity, and no story can touch reality.

CONVENTIONAL SENSE

Of course, a story can be more or less accurate in a conventional sense.

Often, it’s not that accurate. They may misunderstand something. Their story often says more about them than the world.

THE WORLD IS MORE THAN AND DIFFERENT FROM OUR STORIES

Even if it is relatively accurate, it’s not how the world is.

The world – whether it’s a person, situation, object, or something else – is inherently more than and different from our stories.

Our stories are questions about the world. They are maps that highlight some features and leave a lot out, and they are made up of something different from what they point to. They are made up of mental representations, and what they point to may be a person, a situation, an object, etc.

Often, we only glimpse a small part of the fuller picture.

Our stories reflect our own perspectives, biases, limited understanding, limited experience, hangups, hopes, fears, worldview, and more.

A person is infinitely more than any label, identity, or story we have about that person. They are infinitely more than any action they did or words they said. They are infinitely more than any patters we think we observe in their behavior or words.

If we knew more about someone or someone, we would understand it in a very different way.

If we had a different worldview, we would understand them or it in a very different way.

In my experience, the more I understand about someone or something, the more kind my stories about it are.

MY OWN STORIES

This is really about my own stories. I know they are not true in any full, final, or absolute sense. They are questions about the world. They are a starting point for exploration, at most.

Of course, there is a difference between a general understanding of this, and recognizing it in the story that’s here.

Also, there is a difference between a global conscious view on this and the stories parts of me operate from. Many parts of my psyche hold onto painful stories as truth in order to stay safe, and these are mostly different from my conscious view.

HOW I HAVE EXPLORED STORIES

How have I explored stories?

I got into Fritjof Capra’s The Turning Point when I was fourteen or fifteen and it profoundly influenced how I see stories and worldviews, and I continued to explore this through his other books and books by similar authors.

In the oneness shift when I was sixteen, it was very clear that stories cannot touch reality. They are questions and can serve as practical pointers in a limited sense, and that’s about it.

Since then, I have continued to explore stories through… The Big Mind process and seeing how the different parts of my psyche all have different views, stories, and worldviews. The Work of Byron Katie and identifying and examining stressful stories, and finding the validity in the reversals. Sense field explorations and seeing how the mental field creates an overlay of the world, and creates my whole mental representation of the world. The Kiloby Inquiries which go into this in far more detail and specificity.

Equally or more importantly, daily life experiences of having one story or set of stories, and noticing that reality is different from any and all of them.

And perhaps most importantly, the times when my nature comes strongly into the foreground and it is very clear that stories and the mental field cannot – by its nature – capture reality, including our everyday reality and lives. (The most recent one where the volume was turned up high on this one was the Amma experience last fall.)

The image is by me and Midjourney and is just an illustration and not, as far as I can tell, very obviously related to the topic of this article

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Teller: The story… made it impossible for your eyes to see what was right in front of you

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Somehow the story of that action made it impossible for your eyes to see what was right in front of you. 

– Teller in A life of magic with Teller, about 27 minutes in

Teller of Penn and Teller here describes the essence of all (?) magic tricks: We fool ourselves by the story we tell ourselves of how the world works.

WE FOOL OURSELVES

Based on our experiences, we use a wide range of mental shortcuts to make sense of the world. These mostly work well in daily life, which is why we keep on using them and why they often are “invisible” to us. Magicians intentionally make use of these to fool us. We fool ourselves.

SOME EXAMPLES FROM THE WORLD OF MAGIC

For instance, we see a head at one end of the box and feet sticking out at the other end. It’s natural for us to assume the head and feet belong to the same person. When the two parts are separated, we shock ourselves since what we see doesn’t conform with what we expect.

We see two guys at a table dropping objects moving in impossible ways. At first, it seems inexplicable since we know how gravity works. As the bigger scene is revealed, we realize it was all performed upside down.

HELPFUL

These mental shortcuts help us immensely in daily life. They mostly work well, and they help us use our attention, energy, and time for what’s more important.

For instance, I assume that if I step off a step in a staircase, gravity will help my foot land on the next step. If I see someone walk behind a tree, they are still there it’s just that I can’t see them anymore. If I see someone who looks and sounds just like like someone I know, it’s likely that person. And so on.

STRESSFUL

In some cases, we create a lot of stress for ourselves by using these mental shortcuts. We may operate on assumptions about ourselves and the world that are out of alignment with reality, and that’s inherently stressful.

I assume I am unlovable, despite all evidence on the contrary. I assume someone meant something terrible with what they said or did, while it was far more innocent. I assume my future will be a certain way, while I can’t know for certain.

MISS SOMETHING ESSENTIAL

We can also miss something essential. We may not notice our nature.

We assume we are this human self in the world. After all, it’s what others tell us and it’s an assumption that works relatively well in daily life.

And yet, when I look in my own first-person experience, I find something else. I find I am what the world – all content of experience – happens within and as.

I am what a thought may call consciousness, and the world to me happens within and as this consciousness. My nature forms itself into any and all content of experience. It’s all I have ever known.

This is interesting in itself, and noticing it transforms my perception and how this human self lives his life in the world.

THE MOST AMAZING MAGIC TRICK

This is likely the most essential and amazing magic trick we can perform for ourselves.

For a while, we assume that we fundamentally are this human self. It’s an assumption that works relatively well, although it comes with inherent stress.

We may not even notice this assumption. If we do, we may not seriously question it. And if we question it, it may be only mentally.

Then, our nature notices itself, and our world is turned inside-out and upside-down. Our nature is consciousness. To us, the world happens within and as the consciousness and the oneness we are. The oneness we are forms itself into our experience of everything.

We realize we operated on a fundamental assumption that’s ultimately wrong.

WE MISS WHAT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF US

In all of these cases, we can use our assumptions about the world to miss what’s right in front of us.

We overlook that the head and feet belong to two different people.

We miss out on noticing that our stressful thoughts about the world are innocent questions about the world, that the world is not like that, and that the reversals of these thoughts also have some limited validity in them.

We miss out on noticing our nature, even if it’s what’s closest to us and all we have ever known.

The good news is that we don’t have to miss out on this. We can investigate and reveal some of the “hidden secrets”.

INVESTIGATION

Since childhood, I have had a fascination with magic tricks and find it gives me a multi-layered enjoyment. I enjoy the performance if it’s done well. (Even if it’s not there is a certain enjoyment.) I enjoy being baffled if it’s a new trick to me. I enjoy imagining how it may be done. Often, I go out of my way to learn how it most likely was done. When I realize the likely method, I may get a little disappointed (if it’s a gimmick), I may be hugely impressed (if it requires advanced skills or a lot of preparation), or I may laugh if the method is very simple and also impressive (the Voodoo needle is one example).

When I notice stress, I know I am performing a magic trick on myself. I hold an assumption more true than it very likely is. Often, I identify the stressful thoughts and investigate them. What happens when I hold the thought as true? How would it be if I couldn’t? What’s the validity in each of the reversals of the original thought? Can I find specific and genuine examples? How is it to take one of those as a guideline for my daily life? I can do the same with underlying and related thoughts. (The Work of Byron Katie.)

I also explore how my mind creates its experience of me and the wider world. How does something appear in the sense fields? In sight? Sound? Taste and smell? Bodily sensations? The mental field? (Words and mental images.) What’s there in the actual senses? What’s there in the mental field? What happens when I recognize the mental field as the mental field? Words as words? Mental images as mental images? What happens when I notice sensations as sensations? What associations has my mind created between bodily sensations and the mental field? Does certain sensations lend a sense of solidity and reality to certain thoughts? Do the thoughts give a sense of meaning to those sensations? How is it to notice each as distinct from each other? (The Kiloby Inquiries.)

I explore what I fundamentally am. I find I am what the world to me – this human self, the wider world, anything else – happens within and as. I find I even more fundamentally am capacity for all of it, consciousness and what it forms itself into. I explore how it is to live from and as this noticing. (The Big Mind process, Headless experiments.)

MULTI-LAYERED ENJOYMENT

This is a rich landscape and exploring it offers a rich enjoyment, just like exploring the many facets of magic tricks.

Just like with magic tricks, there is always more to explore and discover, and more performances to enjoy.

And just like with magic tricks, there is often some discomfort inherent in the process. That’s part of a deeper enjoyment of it all that seems to be here, whether I notice it or not.

Kiarostami’s Certified Copy

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I just watched Kiarostami’s Certified Copy with its theme of copies and originals.

This is one that stays with me for a while and continues to unfold as it’s being digested. It was moving, relatable, and stimulated a lot of questions about the movie itself and the themes it brought up.

ONE WAY TO UNDERSTAND THE STORY

I thought I would start with a way to understand the story that makes sense of otherwise puzzling aspects and makes it rich, poignant, and heartbreaking. (Spoilers below.)

They were lovers fifteen years ago, and her son is theirs. They meet and live a day as if they had married fifteen years ago. At the end of the day, he leaves to go back to his wife and family.

This ties up several loose ends:

It explains her reserved seat and why she looks sad during his lecture. She arrives late and leaves early because it’s too emotional for her to see him, although she wants to meet him one-on-one so she gives her phone number to the translator to pass on.

He says yes to meeting her even if he leaves later that day. (If she had been a stranger, it seems less likely he would agree.)

He warns her that copies can be dangerous. He implies their connection can be dangerous since he already has a wife and family.

She bought six copies of his book and wants him to sign all of them. It seems like an excessive number of books, especially since she isn’t very interested in the topic. She bought them to have a connection with him, and maybe as a way to share him with her friends and family, either without telling them about the role he plays in her life or as a way to tell them.

There is tension between them in the car, which is understandable if they had something together fifteen years earlier. The tension would be odd if they were strangers.

He had not seen the painting in the museum before because they are not married and do not live together. He dismisses its importance to his work. Is it difficult for him to acknowledge that she would have contributed to his life in that way too if they had married?

When he tells her the story about the mother and son, he asks her if the mother told the son that the sculpture is a copy. She silently confirmed. He took it to mean that she had not told her son about him, about the “original” that the son is a kind of copy of. If they were strangers, it would be strange for him to ask her about an element in the story that he told.

When he receives the phone call, it may be from his wife which is why he felt he needed to answer.

She tells the café owner that he spends almost all of his time away from her and their son. She is emotional because it’s true. The café owner does not understand the situation so she repeats it. She also says that he didn’t call when their son had his birthday last week.

The café owner assumes they are married, and they immediately go with that fiction. They have both played out that scenario many times and they want to explore it together even if it’s for just a day. It’s easier for them to explore it through role-playing than talking about it directly.

He says: My family lives their lives and I live mine. She gets upset and emotional over this, which makes sense if he refers to her and their son. She and their son live their lives, and he lives his. They live separate lives.

He says: You cast me in the role of absent parent, but it’s natural for a parent to sometimes be away. She responds: Yes, sometimes, but in your case it’s constant.

They repeatedly bring up how the other has changed over the last fifteen years. The changes seem important, maybe because they are playing with the possibility of actually being together.

She rests his head on his shoulder, imitating the sculpture they discussed earlier. She has missed having him there to physically and metaphorically lean on.

She remembers the hotel and he does not. It meant more to her and had a lasting impact on her life.

Their interaction and role-playing take on a far more emotional and urgent tone in the last part of the movie. She sincerely asks him to stay because they can have something together. It’s not just based on this day but on what happened fifteen years earlier and their son.

Their imagining into having had a long married life together is a kind of copy. Actual marriages, including his, are the originals and the imagination is the copy.

This fits just about everything in the story and explains a lot that initially seemed puzzling to me and – I imagine – to many viewers.

I easily imagine that this is the story the three of them – the director and the two actors – had in mind while making the movie. It would ground the performances in reality and give the movie substance and richness.

It’s also not the one correct answer. The story is intentionally ambiguous and can be understood in many different ways, although other understandings seem to leave loose ends that this one makes sense of.

THE ROLE OF ART

Then to other aspects of the movie.

One explicit theme of the story is copies and originals, especially in art.

Art mimics life. Whether it’s visual, music, theater, or something else, it’s a copy of life. And yet, it resonates with us. It’s a mirror for us that touches on emotional, universal, and archetypal truths.

In this case, the movie itself is fictional and a copy of life, and I am watching one of many physical and digital copies of the movie. And yet, it evokes moods, emotions, memories, and reflections in me which are real and important. There is a reality to the story that resonates.

Art is not only a copy of life and nature, it’s a copy of art. It draws on generations of art production and our culture as a whole. This movie can be seen as a classic post-modern self-referential story. (Although there are many self-referential stories from other times and cultures.) It’s a variation on a theme.

COPIES AND ORIGINALS

Can we get as much out of copies as the originals? Is the difference only in the story we tell ourselves about them? Aren’t originals copies too and always based on something else?

Story is everything

If I tell myself another story, how does my experience change? I often explore this with art and life. In a sense, the story and context is everything.

For instance: If I knew this was my last day, how would I perceive and live?

This helps me notice how much my experience is created by my stories. That’s yet another reason to identify and examine the stories I operate from. What happens when I hold onto a certain story as true? How do I perceive? How do I live my life? What’s the genuine validity in the reversals of the story? Can I take one of those reversals and see how it is to perceive and live from it?

This also helps me see that all of my stressful stories, and they are all stressful when I hold them as true, come from somewhere else. They are copies. They are copies of copies of copies, passed on in our culture, and some possibly in all cultures, through the generations.

Originals as copies

Isn’t an original itself a kind of copy, always based on something else? When I explore creating AI images, I am aware that these images emerge from a network trained on a large database of images. They come out of a segment of the collective image-production of humanity.

Our current collective image production is itself based on our existing collection of images created by humans and nature.

The real artist is existence itself. Existence forms itself into this wonderous universe and nature, into us, into the art we create. In a sense, Existence is the only artist, expressing itself through and as this universe and us and human art.

Existence is always copying itself and exploring variations on existing themes.

When it comes to AI, there is an important difference between human-created and AI-created images, music, and so on. Human artists should be fairly compensated for their work and contribution. And it’s helpful to remember that all art is based on something else, it’s all variations on existing themes.

ROLES AND IDENTITIES

Are the two main characters a married couple who role-play meeting each other for the first time? Or did they meet for the first time and role-play being a married couple? Or is something else going on?

If identities and roles are so fluid, isn’t the difference between playing a role as a role-playing exercise, and playing a role in life, mainly the story we tell ourselves about it and how seriously we take it?

As Shakespeare reminded us, we all have our entrance and exit and play many roles throughout life.

And yes, the difference between role-playing as an exercise and role-playing in life mainly seems to be the stories we tell ourselves and how seriously we take them.

What roles do I play here and now? How would it be to take these roles less seriously? To hold them lightly? To even enjoy playing and exploring them, knowing they are roles and temporary?

IF IT’S ALL CHANGING, WHAT AM I?

This leads to the even more essential question: If stories are so exchangeable, and roles and identities also are changing and temporary, what am I more fundamentally?

I assume we all sense that there is, and we are, something more essential and lasting than any of this. There is a kind of red thread that goes through it all and all the changes.

What is it? Yes, at one level, I am this human self in the world with a variety of changing roles and identities. That’s a pragmatic view that helps this human self function in the world.

When I look in my own first-person experience, I find something else. I find this field of experience happening within and as consciousness, and I find I am what this field of experience happens within and as. Even more fundamentally, I am capacity for all of it.

As Douglas Harding says: I am capacity for the world.

From here, it’s easier to hold my identities and roles more lightly.

Parts of me will still try to hold onto some and avoid others, and they will struggle with this, especially in some situations. This too happens within and as what I am, and it’s good to notice.

What I am forms itself into that too.

WAYS TO EXPLORE

One thing is to get this mentally and in a general way, and another is to get it more viscerally and in the situation we are in here and now.

I find The Work of Byron Katie immensely helpful in identifying and exploring the stories I perceive and live from, and find what’s genuinely more true to me. (Which is often that the initial story isn’t as true as parts of me thought, that there is genuine validity in the reversals, what that validity is, and that parts of me want to explore how it is to perceive and live from those too.)

Different role-playing exercises can be helpful to have more awareness of the roles and identities I operate from, where they come from, how I relate to them, and so on. I find the Big Mind process especially helpful.

To find what I more fundamentally am, and explore consciously living from and as it, I find Headless experiments and the Big Mind process very helpful.

The image above is from a scene in the movie where the main characters unknowingly – or knowingly? – imitate a sculpture they discussed earlier.

How do I navigate meaning and purpose in my own life? How do I find it? How do I find freedom from it?

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How do I navigate meaning and purpose in my own life?

In general, I follow what’s fascinating to me, what sparks something in me, and what makes me come a little more alive. It may be something small or expressed in a small way, and then I see where it leads.

I take my surface wants and needs and trace them back to more essential, and often universal, wants and needs.

And I examine my stressful thoughts related to meaning and purpose to find more freedom around them.

EARLY IN LIFE

As a child, I was fascinated by just about everything. I loved nature programs on TV, I loved Cosmos by Carl Sagan, I loved reading science magazines, I loved reading in general, I loved exploring, I loved nature and the night sky.

When I was sixteen, there was a shift where the oneness and consciousness aspects of my nature came strongly into the foreground. The consciousness I am showeditss nature to itself very clearly.

This threw me in at the deep end in exploring my nature – as consciousness and consciousness taking the form of this human self and the world.

At a human level, I had been fascinated by parapsychology before this, but I was a self-proclaimed atheist and regarded religion and spirituality with disdain.

Now, I found myself fascinated by what spirituality is about, and in the process wanting to learn more about what others have found in their own explorations and how they talk about it.

I followed this fascination through my own explorations, reading, and also – to the extent I found it there – university studies.

I also followed my passion for art and expressing what I was exploring in art. Not by telling, but by allowing it to be expressed naturally and inevitably in what I created.

FOLLOWING THE VOICE OF WOUNDS

I also followed the voice of my wounds at a crucial point in my twenties, which dampened my spark and passion. I got married, she wanted to move to another state, and I decided to abandon my own life and the path that felt deeply right for me and instead support her.

I felt profoundly off track, and although I followed my fascination in my sustainability work, I also dampened my passion and spark for what was even more juicy for me including meditation, prayer, body-centered practices, and art. It was too painful to engage in it because as soon as I did, my inner guidance would tell me clearly to get out of the situation and back on track in life.

As I followed my unexamined fears, I knew what I was doing, although I was unable to get out of it for many years. Life had tapped into deep traumas in me that made me make life choices different from those I would have made if they were not there.

EXPLORING MEANING AND PURPOSE

How do I explore meaning and purpose?

As I mentioned above, I mainly explore it by noticing and following what sparks something in me, what makes me come a little more alive. Often, it’s small things and I see where it leads me. It can be going for a walk in nature, feeding the birds, eating ice cream by the ocean in the summer, the explorations I write about here, writing here, talking about something in an authentic and real way, finding plants for our food forest project, and so on. It can be anything.

There is an essence to whatever sparks something in me. One way to find it is to take any surface wants or needs and trace them back to their essence. What do I hope to get out of it? What do I hope to get out of that? And keep asking that question and notice what comes up, until I find a simple essence, usually something universal and very innocent. (This is from Adyashanti.) How can I bring this essence more into my life? Can I give it to myself here and now?

I identify and examine stressful thoughts I have about meaning and purpose and find what’s more true for me. I find The Work of Byron Katie very helpful here. For instance, years ago, I spent a good amount of time investigating stressful thoughts related to being off track and having abandoned myself.

I explore how all of this shows up in my sense fields. How does my mind associate sensations, mental images and words with each other to create an experience of meaning, purpose, being off track, and so on? Here, the Kiloby Inquiries are very helpful, or a simplified and more natural version of it.

FINDING FREEDOM FROM IT

The two inquires above – The Work of Byron Katie and the Kiloby Inquiries – are ways to find freedom from meaning and purpose, or rather from our ideas about meaning and purpose.

A related way is to notice my nature. The most effective ways to explore this that I have found, so far, are the Big Mind process and the Headless experiments.

At one level, I am this human self in the world. Everything about that comes and goes, so can it be what I more fundamentally am? When I look, I find I more fundamentally am what it all comes and goes within, what forms itself into the experience of all of it.

More fundamentally, I am what a thought may call consciousness, and this consciousness that I am forms itself into the experience of this human self, the wider world, and any ideas and sense of being an I or me, and of anything related to a sense of meaning or purpose.

Here, there is freedom from meaning and purpose.

FINDING FREEDOM TO FOLLOW IT

There is another freedom I should mention, which is to find the freedom to FOLLOW my spark, what fascinates me, what gives a sense of meaning and purpose at a human level.

Here, it’s more about finding healing. To identify and examine stressful thoughts saying I can’t or shouldn’t do it, or that say it needs to look a certain way. To meet and find love for the wounds in me holding me back from following my spark. To find a safe way to begin exploring and living it, and then allow it to blossom.

EXPLORING BEING OFF AND ON TRACK

A big theme in my adult life has been to be on or off track. I felt profoundly ON track in my late teens and especially early and mid-twenties – with art, university studies, meditation, prayer, body-centered practices, living at the Zen center, and so on. I then felt profoundly OFF track after I abandoned a clear inner guidance, moved to another location, and left much of what was most important to me.

What I am exploring has a couple of different aspects…

It’s not possible to be off track in any real and fundamental sense. The idea of being off and on track, and how it looks and feels, is created by my own mind. It’s a human idea and not inherent in reality.

In a human and everyday sense, it is possible to be off or on track. When I follow my inner guidance and what’s juicy for me, I felt and feel very much on track. When I abandon myself – my inner guidance and what’s juicy and important to me – I feel off track, and sometimes profoundly off track.

These two are both valid and important.

CURRENTLY

How is all of this for me now?

I still follow the juiceness and spark to explore what I rapport from in these articles.

I have found an outlet for my passion for sustainability and life in the regeneration, reforestation, and food forest project in the Andes.

The passion I have for art is still somewhat unexpressed in me, although I wish to bring it out more. There is still a deep pain there from abandoning it earlier in life.

In general, I am recovering from going off track – from leaving my guidance – in my twenties. It’s a long process. I am asking life – the divine, my psyche – to guide me to feel more deeply on track again, to live a life that feels deeply right and on track.

I feel halfway on track now, and I am very aware that I don’t know how it would look and even feel to be more deeply and profoundly on track again. It’s a mystery, which I love.

It’s part of the adventure.

NON-DUAL FOLKS AND MEANING & PURPOSE

I have heard some non-dual folks talk about meaning and purpose with disdain. (At the same time, it does seem that living a meaningful life seems important to them.)

I understand where they are coming from: Meaning and purpose are mind-created ideas, not inherent in reality.

At the same time, it seems quite one-sided to take the position they are taking. It’s a position. It’s not fluid.

It does not really reflect life and the fullness and richness of who and what we are.

The drawing is one I made when I was sixteen, in the middle of the initial oneness shift and when I found a deep passion for art. I would draw for hours a day and often long into the night, and did so for years.

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Out-of-body experience and noticing my nature

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two floating people, gold leaf

What are some of the connections between out-of-body experiences – and similar experiences – and noticing our nature?

MY OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE

When I was just a few months old, I had an out-of-body experience.

I remember floating maybe 15 meters up in the air, seeing my parents and older brother in nice clothes walking on the road to our house, with a stroller. It seemed to be a beautiful slightly cool early spring day. They walked along the gravel road to the house, and there was something white, big, and rectangular in front of it. As they walked into the house, I floated around in the different rooms. I remember old yellowish floral wallpaper in the big bedroom that someone had started to remove from the walls. I also remember the living room. (Where I am writing this.)

This was a vivid memory for me growing up. When I was in my late teens or early twenties, I decided to mention it to my parents. It turns out that this is exactly how it happened when we moved into this house. I was four or five months old. It was a nice cool spring day. They had walked from our old house (on the other side of the small town) to the new. The big rectangular white thing was the moving van. The wallpaper in the bedroom was there and was removed and replaced shortly after.

There are some things here I am curious about.

A FEW THINGS I AM CURIOUS ABOUT

How can we sense? How can we sense without the senses of the body? In my case, I only remember visual memories, but I know others describe hearing too. The sight in my experience was from several meters up in the air, and from floating around quite high up in the rooms.

Why did I remember it? This is by far my earliest memory, so I wonder if out-of-body memories can be more easily remembered. Maybe because it’s unusual, and there are also other possibilities. If we can sense without bodily senses, maybe we can remember without the physical brain? Maybe memories, or some memories, are (also) stored somewhere else? Maybe that’s why I remembered it through my childhood and even now. (Although now, it seems more like a memory of a memory, if that makes sense.)

Similar to NDEs. An out-of-body experience viscerally shows us that we are not, most fundamentally, this human body. That’s similar to a near-death experience (NDE), and it can profoundly transform our views and life. It may also be one reason I was so fascinated by ghosts, mysteries, ESP, and the unexplained growing up.

Still a center. In an out-of-body experience, there is still a sense of center. We are consciousness, and yet there is also a center that we look out from. What is that center, if there is no physical body? Could it be what some describe as a subtle body, a kind of body made up of more subtle energies?

Not the same as awakening. Maybe for that reason, it’s not the same as awakening. It’s possible to have an out-of-body experience, realize we are not most fundamentally this physical body, and for that to not stick after. That may be because there is still a sense of center there.

Memory from between lives. This out-of-body experience is similar to my memory from before this incarnation. I was consciousness and everything was consciousness, and there was still a kind of center here. There was also a sense of time being very distant.

OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCES AND NOTICING OUR NATURE

These kinds of experiences are not the same as noticing our nature, but they can fuel curiosity and motivation to explore our nature, and they shows us what we are if we only notice.

To ourselves, we are consciousness and the world to us happens within and as the consciousness we are. This does come into the foreground now and then – in out-of-body experiences, near death experiences, in flow states, and so on.

Often, we notice we enjoy it and we notice some things about it while we miss the essence which is that this is our more fundamental notice, and we also don’t keep noticing the essence when these states are no longer here.

In my case, it had to come into the foreground strongly for it to be recognized. I had to go through a year of an apparently observer-observed split where the world – including anything that has to do with this human self – seemed very far away. Then, there was a oneness shift where the oneness and consciousness nature of all was very strongly in the foreground and unmissable.

That lasted for several years, and a part of me associated the essence of it – my nature – with some of the side-effects (bliss, absorption, flow, other states). I knew it wasn’t about those things, and yet apart of me didn’t viscerally know it.

It took some more years – and a lot of changes in states and content of experience including a dark night – to more viscerally get it, and there is still further to go.

HOW TO NOTICE OUR NATURE

None of this – out-of-body experiences, between-lives experiences, near death experiences – are needed for us to notice our nature. It’s far more accessible than that. It’s what’s here and all we have ever known.

What I have found most helpful are…

The Big Mind process, under guidance of an experienced facilitator. Most people seem to notice and get to consciously know their nature within minutes, and it can be explored in a great deal of detail. The Big Mind process is based on Voice Dialog and was developed by Genpo Roshi (my old Zen teacher).

The Headless experiments, which also can help us notice and consciously get familiar with our nature. These are very simple experiments developed by Douglas Harding.

Basic meditation, which can take more time and, for that reason, is often even more viscerally transformative. Notice what’s here in experience. Allow it as it is. Notice it’s already allowed and noticed.

At some level in us, there is also some curiosity and other noticing going on…

All content of experience comes and goes, including any sense of being something within the content of experience – this human self, a me, and I, an observer, a doer, and so on. If it all comes and goes, can it be what I more fundamentally am? If I am not fundamentally anything within content of experience, what am I?

Something is already noticing and allowing what’s here. What is that? Can it be what I more fundamentally am?

I have also found other forms of inquiry very helpful, including sense field explorations (Kiloby Inquiries) and The Work of Byron Katie.

All of this helps me notice, clarify, keep noticing through changing states and experiences, and so on.

INVITING MORE OF MY PSYCHE TO JOIN

A big part of this is also inviting the different parts of my psyche onboard with it.

Many of these still operate from separation consciousness.

How do I relate to them when they come up?

When do I join in with the bubbles of separation consciousness?

How is it to notice them as bubbles of separation consciousness, and notice that their nature is the same as mine and everything else in this field of experience?

The image is created by me and Midjourney and really all of life and existence as everything is.

Note: It’s August 2026 and I read through some notes about her life my mother wrote for me some years ago. She writes that we moved into the house April 11 which fits my memory. I remember it was a cool and sunny day in early spring. I was 2 1/2 months old.

Tilda Swinton on identity

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This is a good snippet from Tilda Swinton on identities and that it makes sense to not be too tied to any identities.

It’s out of alignment with the reality of the infinite richness we are. It goes against the reality of the world as our mirror, and that whatever characteristics and dynamics we see in the world we know from ourselves. It artificially narrows down our life and possibilities.

Of course, it’s also not that simple. It’s well and good to have a conscious view of wishing to be free of the confines of identities, and it can help us in some areas of life and some circumstances.

And as we know, most of what we operate from is outside of our conscious awareness and any kind of conscious control. Innumerable different parts of our psyche live their own life, and many of those will still be tied to and operate from and within identities.

That’s where exploration and intention comes in. It takes bringing this into conscious awareness with a dose of intention to invite these parts of us to shift and reorient.

Fortunately, there are many many ways to do this.

Of the ones I have explored, I find a few especially helpful: Inquiry. (The Big Mind process, The Work of Byron Katie, and The Kiloby Inquiries.) Heart-centered practices. (Tonglen, ho’oponopono.) Trauma work. (One aspect of trauma is that parts of us are tied strongly to identities, as if life and death depends on it.) Somatic explorations. (Breema, tai chi, qigong, etc.)

And then what’s more essential than any of these approaches: To notice. To have sincerity. To be tied to what’s genuinely more true to us than our habitual views, whatever we may find.

As I hinted at above, there is a big difference between identities and being tied to them. Identities are not a problem. We need those now and then to function in the world. What confines us is being tied to them and taking them as describing the fullness of who and what we are. To the extent our system does that, we make ourselves and our life artificially small and confined.

And as I also mentioned, this is not so much about our conscious view. That’s the tip of the iceberg. It’s far more about how our system operates based on its experiences and the ways it has found – often in early childhood – to try to protect us and keep us safe.

What are you painting? It’s a self-portrait

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A man walks up to Tove Janson painting a dramatic nature scene.

What are you painting?

It’s a self-portrait.

I am watching Tove, a movie about Tove Janson, the Finnish author and artist who is the mother of the Moomins. I love it so far, and especially that scene.

Whatever we create is a self-portrait, even if it’s just walking down the street or drinking a glass of water.

More than that, anything in our world is a self-portrait.

The way I interpret and perceive something says something about me. It reflects my background, experiences, biases, orientation, dreams and hopes, hangups, and so on. (It reveals something about me.)

Whatever story I have about it, I can turn it around to myself and find specific and genuine examples where it fits. I can find any dynamics and characteristics I see in the wider world also in me. (I find The Work of Byron Katie very helpful here.)

To me, it’s happening within and as what I am. My world is happening within and as the consciousness I am. The consciousness I am forms itself into all of it. In that way too, anything is a self-portrait. (This comes from my nature noticing itself.)

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The nature of different parts of reality

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Whether we notice or not, we all operate on assumptions about the nature of reality.

So why not make our assumptions, often absorbed from our culture, conscious?

Why not explore what’s more true for us?

THE NATURE OF WHAT I AM

The nature of what I am to myself is the most immediate. It’s the only one I can check out for myself.

It’s not wrong that I am this human self in the world, the way many others see it and my passport tells me. It’s an assumption that works relatively well, although there is some inherent stress in it. It’s stressful to be an object in a world of objects. And it’s stressful to hold onto assumptions not aligned with reality.

When I look, I find that to myself, I am more fundamentally something else. I am what this whole field of experience happens within and as. I am what the world, to me, happens within and as.

A thought may call this consciousness, and as this consciousness, I have a lot of characteristics described and pointed to by mystics through time and across traditions.

For instance, I cannot find boundaries and that can be called oneness. When the oneness I am notices itself, the way I relate to all is a kind of love independent of feelings or states. (Which can easily be covered up by the hangups of this human self.) Waking life and night dreams both happen within and as the consciousness I am. All I have ever known is my own nature, taking different forms.

I also find that I even more fundamentally am something else. I am capacity for all of it. I am capacity for consciousness and for this consciousness forming itself into the field of experience that’s here.

See articles tagged who and what I am for more on this.

THE NATURE OF THE WORLD

So what’s the nature of the world? Of this Earthly world with people and nature and culture?

I cannot know for certain, but it makes sense to me to assume it’s more or less as it appears. This human self lives in a world full of other people and nature. (Any other assumption tends to create weirdness and unnecessary complications.)

THE NATURE OF OTHERS

What’s the nature of others?

Again, I cannot know for certain. Based on logic and reports, I assume their nature is the same as mine.

To themselves, they are likely consciousness. They are likely what their world happens within and as. They are likely capacity for all of that.

That goes for all beings that we say “have” consciousness. If they have consciousness, then to themselves, they inevitably have to BE consciousness and the world, to them, happens within and as that consciousness.

THE NATURE OF REALITY

What’s the nature of all of reality?

Here too, I cannot know for certain.

I know how it appears to me. It appears as consciousness. And I know why it appears that way. The consciousness I am notices itself, and it notices that the whole field of experience happens within and as the consciousness it is, so everything inevitably appears as consciousness. That doesn’t mean that is the nature of all of existence.

I find it useful to assume that the universe and all of existence is a seamless evolving whole. It’s a dynamic system with wholes and parts and the parts are themselves wholes. (Holarchy.)

Whatever the nature of this whole is, I call it reality and even the divine. To me, the wholeness of reality as it is – which I cannot know for certain – is God.

I am open for materialism being true. Perhaps our most fundamental nature, in a third person view is this body. Perhaps the consciousness we are to ourselves somehow comes out of this body. It’s possible.

It’s also possible that all of existence is consciousness. Some signs hint at this, for instance, distance sensing and healing, precognition, persistent series of undeniable synchronicities, and so on. (These can also be explained in other ways.)

MY EXPERIENCE WITH THIS

As I mentioned, I have done a lot of inquiry on inherited assumptions about reality.

When I was sixteen, there was a shift into oneness and perceiving everything without exception as consciousness. The consciousness I am noticed itself and that it forms itself into any and all experience.

At first, it made the world appear very unreal and it was quite disturbing to this human self. After a while, after some years and decades, it became a new normal. All appears as a dream since it’s all happening within and as the consciousness I am, and that’s fine.

I have been lucky (?) enough to just assume that the world is mostly as it appears filled with people and other beings. At a human level, I just live normally. (I know some can get into weird ideas here.)

I have taken some time to take in others as consciousness to themselves and to include all beings. This is something that needs to be absorbed and unfolds and deepens over time, and there is further to go.

When it comes to the nature of all of existence, I find it interesting that it’s not more common to differentiate between how it inevitably appears to us (all is consciousness) and reality itself. To me, it seems helpful to make that distinction. It makes me freer in how I think about things and how I can talk about it with others. Sometimes, I can take a more materialistic view. Other times, I can take the view of all as consciousness. Both have value and I enjoy being fluid with it. (See posts on the small and big interpretations of awakening.)

The essence of this is that the only thing I can explore for myself is my own nature. The rest are questions and assumptions, something to hold lightly, and it makes sense to be fluid and pragmatic about which assumptions I use.

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What is trauma?

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A common definition of trauma is that it’s what happens when our system cannot process what’s happening with us. It becomes overwhelmed and deals with it by creating trauma.

TRAUMA AS A COPING MECHANISM

That makes sense to me. Trauma is clearly a coping mechanism, as is any hangup or emotional issue. In the situation, it’s the best way our system knows how to survive and manage.

HOLDING A THOUGHT AS TRUE TO FIND A SENSE OF SAFETY

We can look at it through the lens of beliefs. Our system creates painful beliefs in order to find a sense of safety. A situation is overwhelming and scary, it creates some beliefs for iself to find a sense of safety, and those beliefs are often painful.

Why do beliefs seem safe? I assume it’s because they give us a sense of certainty. Our mind can tell itself it knows. It knows how something is. That may seem preferable to not knowing and being at the mercy of life.

THE REALITY OF IT

It seems a little silly when it’s laid out like this.

Holding a thought as true doesn’t provide any safety at all. If anything, it makes us less receptive and flexible. It creates a fixed view and identity which makes us rigid and less able to respond well to life and situations. In many ways, that’s less safe than knowing that we don’t know for certain.

Holding a thought as true is also inevitably uncomfortable. It creates friction, stress, and distress. Life will inevitably rub up against any belief and identity we have, and that’s stressful. Also, our mind needs to spend a lot of energy to maintain it. It needs to remind itself about it. It needs to prop it up. It needs to defend it. It often elaborates on it. It needs to look for evidence for its truth. And so on.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE TAKE A THOUGHT AS TRUE?

What happens when our mind holds a thought as true? It identifies with the viewpoint of the thought. It creates an identity for itself out of the thought. In a sense, it becomes the thought. It perceives and lives as if it is the thought.

EXAMINING WHAT’S GOING ON

All of this is hidden from the mind unless it takes a closer look and examines what’s really going on. We live it without realizing what’s going on. When we take a closer look, we can relate to all of this a little more intentionally. A thorough examination may even lead to some of these identifications to fall away. The thought is still here, and recognized as a thought and not true in the way our mind initially saw it.

DIFFERENT SUBPERSONALITIES OPERATE ON DIFFERENT BELIEFS

I should also mention that it’s not that straightforward. Different parts of our psyche tend to hold onto different thoughts as true. Several parts of me believe thoughts that I – as a whole – do not subscribe to, and they inevitably color my perception and life. That’s why a practice to identify these beliefs can be helpful. If I notice something triggered in me, it’s helpful to identify the thought or thoughts behind it, see if I can find related and underlying thoughts, and then investigate these.

EXPLORING THROUGH THE SENSE FIELDS

Of course, there are many other aspects to trauma and many other lenses we can use to understand it.

For instance, we can still explore beliefs and identifications, but we can examine it through our sense fields. We can look at how our mind associates certain thoughts with certain sensations, and how the sensations give a sense of solidity, reality, and truth to the thoughts, and the thoughts give a sense of meaning to the sensations. As we keep peeking behind the metaphorical wizard’s curtain, the illusion tends to lose it’s reality.

BODY TENSION

Exploring the sense fields in this way also gives us some hints about how traumas – and emotional issues in general – tend to create body tension. Our mind needs sensations to lend a sense of solidity and truth to thoughts, so to have those sensations available it seems to tense up certain muscles to create tension and sensations that go with certain thoughts. Each thought has its own tension pattern, and these seem to have a mix of universality and individuality. If a belief or set of beliefs is regularly activated and perceived from and lived on, it’s likely that it’s associated with a chronic tension pattern in the body.

RIGHT CONTAINER

If we are to explore this, and we have trauma in our system (as most of us do), it’s important to do it in a good setting: Guided by someone experienced, and someone we like and trust. Having enough time to explore, process, and settle after. Knowing we can stop it ourselves at any moment, and be encouraged to do so. Doing it in very small portions at a time. Doing it in an atmosphere of safety, understanding, and support. Avoid overwhelming our system again.

EXPLORE FOR OURSELVES

If we are drawn to it, this is something we can explore in different ways.

I find The Work of Byron Katie to be very helpful in identifying and examining stressful beliefs. The Kiloby Inquiries (KI) is excellent for exploring how it all unfolds in the sense fields. Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) is an excellent way to release chronic tension from the body. I also know that many love Somatic Experiencing (I have less experience with that approach although have found the books useful).

Personally, I have mostly used the three first approaches. I started with The Work of Byron Katie almost twenty years ago and did it daily for many years. I have been the client and facilitator for many KI sessions over the years, including with many clients. And I have used TRE regularly for several years, and still use it off and on.

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Allowing the weirdness

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I often feel weird in different ways – brain fog, energies moving, old issues surfacing, feeling like I am on drugs or psychedelics, and so on. Even normal food often makes me feel like I am on drugs, with a different effect on my mind and system from each type of food.

When that happens and I am with others, a part of me wants to push it away. It struggles with it and doesn’t want it to be there. This comes from a fear that others will see me as weird, reject me, and say and do terrible things to me. (My psyche internalized this fear from my parents, and it was reinforced through elementary and middle school.)

I become more weird if I join in with that resistance and fear. If I get caught up in the struggle, I inevitably start to act more weird. I become reclusive. I don’t say much. I want to hide. I become self-conscious.

When I notice and allow it all, and find some compassion for the part of me that feels scared, it’s easier to find space to relate to it with more intention. I can relate to the weirdness and the part of me struggling with it in a more conscious way.

I have explored these dynamics since my teens, and it always feels new and fresh. Even today, I had an opportunity to notice. I felt weird this morning. A part of me was scared that my wife would reject me. I partly joined in with the resistance to and fear of the weirdness, without consciously noticing. She asked me, I noticed what was happening, and was able to shift more into noticing and allowing it all. I found a more conscious way of noticing and relating to it all. Instead of creating division between us, it led to more understanding, connection, and intimacy. More to the point, the same happens in how I relate to myself – to the different parts of me and my experience.

A FEW MORE WORDS

There is always more to say about these things.

For instance, I have many different parts of my psyche that relate to this weirdness in different ways.

The one that resists out of fear is a relatively prominent and familiar one for me, and it was – as mentioned above – created in my childhood.

I can join in with it and take on its beliefs, perspective, and orientation. I can, in a sense, become it for a while.

And when I notice what’s happening and shift into allowing it, there is a shift in identification. Identification shifts out of this part of me and either into another part (allowing) or into what I more fundamentally am, which is what it all happens within and as.

I remember Adyashanti talking about how his mother used to tell him: Weird is wonderful. That’s a good pointer for me. I can be a good parent to myself and remind myself of that. Weird is wonderful.

It’s worth questioning my ideas about weirdness. Do parts of me see it as bad or wrong? Does the label really fit? What do I find when I identify and examine thoughts about it that parts of me hold as true?

I’ll do a quick inquiry now and make some notes here:

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The princes in the tower: Buying into Tudor views on Richard III and what it says about us

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I have been following Philippa Langley’s work for about a decade now, after initially hearing about her fascinating story of how she found Richard III in a car park in Leicester. Yesterday, I listened to a Gone Medieval podcast episode where she talks about her research into what happened with the princes in the tower.

For centuries, historians and the public at large have largely bought into Tudor propaganda about Richard III, including that he had the princes in the tower killed because they were rivals to his throne. While all the time, there was an absence of contemporary documents suggesting they died at that time, and other documents strongly suggesting that the princes lived for years later.

WHY IS THIS INTERESTING?

Why am I interested in this?

It’s not because I am particularly interested in Richard III, although I am generally interested in history.

It’s because it says something about us – individually and collectively.

BUYING INTO PROPAGANDA RATHER THAN LOOKING AT REALITY

In this case, we have the Tudor family that violently took over the throne of England. They were concerned about their perceived legitimacy, so they wanted to bolster their image by depicting Richard III – the king they disposed of – as a shady character. They received support in this project from many who saw the benefit of being on their good side, including Shakespeare.

Historians apparently largely bought into this propaganda, including the story of Richard III having the princess in the tower killed. They were happy to base it on works of fiction and the popular view without closely examining the data supporting or contradicting that story.

WE ALL DO IT

We all do this. We all buy into certain stories because it’s a popular view or because it gives us something. We often do it without closely examining the stories and what supports or contradicts them.

We do it collectively, and we do it in our own life.

Fortunately, we all also have a Philippa Langley in us. We have a part of us willing and able to investigate to find what’s genuinely more true for us.

WHAT ARE SOME COLLECTIVE EXAMPLES TODAY?

I’ll give a couple of examples of how we collectively seem to be doing this today. These are my typical bee-in-the-bonnet examples (!).

WHAT WE MORE FUNDAMENTALLY ARE

One popular view is that we most fundamentally are this human self. We are fundamentally this person, a doer, an observer, and so on. Even most philosophers and psychologists seem to buy into this view without apparently examining it very closely through phenomenology or logic. It may or may not be accurate in a third-person view, but is it what we most fundamentally are in a first-person view?

What I find is that to myself, I am more fundamentally consciousness and the world to me happens within and as that consciousness. And I am capacity for all of that – I am capacity for the consciousness I am and all that it forms itself into.

We can find the same through logic. If we “have” consciousness, then to ourselves we must BE consciousness. And if the world to us happens within and as consciousness, it happens within and as the consciousness we are. The consciousness we are forms itself into our whole field of experience. It’s all we have ever known. This consciousness has no outer edge. To us, we are oneness and the world happens within and as oneness. We are even more fundamentally capacity for all of this. And so on.

GLOBAL ECOLOGICAL OVERSHOOT

Another is a set of collective assumptions about our ecological crisis. For instance, that it’s mostly about climate change, we still have time to deal with it, someone else will do it, and we can solve it through technology or peripheral tweaks to how we collectively organize ourselves.

This is obviously a naive view. We have been in a global ecological overshoot for decades. We would need more than two Earths to support our current collective consumption. That means that we are spending from our ecological “savings account”. This looks more or less OK for a while until we hit the bottom, and then our lifestyle collapses. In this case, it’s the planet’s ecosystems that collapse and our civilization with it. It’s inevitable when we are in ecological overshoot. There is no other way it can end.

WHY DO WE BUY INTO THESE STORIES?

Why do we collectively buy into these stories even if the data is available to show us something else?

I assume it’s similar to why historians have bought into the Tudor propaganda about Richard III.

It’s the popular view so it’s more convenient and comfortable to buy into it. We may be socialized into these views and don’t find a reason to question them.

Going against it is often inconvenient and uncomfortable. We’ll find ourselves in the minority. We’ll meet resistance. Our views may be dismissed and ridiculed.

We may not feel we have the time or energy to investigate closely. Something else seems more important, interesting, comfortable, and so on.

We have other priorities. We may prioritize agreeing with the popular views and being included. We may prioritize living our life without adding extra revolutions and changes. We may prioritize something else over what we would find is more true for us. We may prioritize comfort.

HARNESSING OUR INTERNAL PHILIPPA LANGLEY

How can we find and harness the Philippa Langley in us?

One is to examine our priorities. What’s most important to me? To hold onto my views or to find what’s more true for me? To stay with what’s familiar or to open myself up to something new and different and something my mind may not be able to predict in advance?

Another is to examine my fears around it. What do I fear would happen if I prioritize what’s more true for me? What do I fear would happen if that happens? And so on. How likely is it to happen? Am I willing to have it happen? Would I be able to deal with it?

In general, I find that inquiry is very helpful here combined with sincerity and a willingness to prioritize reality over my personal preferences and wishes and fears. Of course, that’s not something I can always do in all areas of life. But I can investigate one area and one line of assumptions at a time, and do it with as much sincerity I can find in me. And I can use my experience of friction – discomfort and stress – as a pointer to when and where I am holding onto assumptions that are out of alignment with reality. In find that the Work of Byron Katie is very helpful here, as are the Kiloby Inquiries.

Why would we do this? Isn’t it more comfortable to just go along with our current ideas of how things are?

It may seem more comfortable. What I find, through examination, is that it’s actually more comfortable to find what’s more true and honest for me. Living is a fantasy is inherently uncomfortable. It’s something my mind needs to create and defend. It’s out of alignment with reality so there is inevitably friction between my views and reality. Finding what’s more true for me is more peaceful since there is less to defend and there is less inherent friction. (There will always be some friction since there is always more layers and and more to examine.)

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Thinking for ourselves?

moe Leave a comment

I sometimes see people talking about the importance of thinking for ourselves.

What does it mean?

CONVENTIONAL SENSE

I was into it too in my mid-teens, as most teenagers are. (It was a big topic in my middle and high school to the point where it became an ongoing joke.)

It’s natural for us to branch out and explore ideas, information, and worldviews outside of what we grew up with. It’s part of growing up. And it’s good to examine and re-examine our own ideas, assumptions, worldview, and the information we operate on.

What’s typically happening is that we exchange one set of ideas, orientations and sometimes worldviews for another, and one that better matches us and our situation. We adopt views, orientations, and worldviews from other subcultures and sometimes other cultures.

In this sense, it’s not possible to completely “think for ourselves”. It’s always influenced by others and our wider culture and civilization.

EXAMINING THOUGHTS THEMSELVES

We can also examine our thoughts themselves, for instance, through inquiry.

We can learn to identify and examine our thoughts and beliefs and find what’s more true for us. The Work of Byron Katie is excellent for this.

We can also examine how our mental field creates an overlay on the world which helps us orient and navigate, and how our mind associates certain mental field representations with certain sensations. The thoughts give meaning to the sensations, and the sensations lend a sense of solidity, reality, and truth to the thoughts. We can use traditional Buddhist sense-field inquiry to explore this, or modern versions like the Kiloby Inquiries.

Through these kinds of explorations, we can find the nature, gifts, and limits of thoughts, and that can be very helpful. We recognize that thoughts – including our most basic assumptions about ourselves, others, and the world – are questions about the world. They are here to help us navigate and function in the world. They can be more or less accurate in a limited and conventional sense. The world is always more than and different from our assumptions about it, and also less. And thoughts cannot hold any final, full, or absolute truth. That’s not their function.

BIASES

In general, it’s good to be aware of our biases.

Our personal experiences, subcultures, culture, biology, evolutionary history, and so on all color our perceptions, views, values, worldviews, and life.

We cannot escape it, and why would we? It’s part of the richness of the world. But we can be aware of it. We can be aware that everything about us and our history shapes our perception and orientation. We can also be aware of how our biases color some specific views and orientations, especially when we compare ours with those of others.

THOUGHTS LIVE THEIR OWN LIFE

We may find that we are never “thinking for ourselves”.

Thoughts happen. They live their own life as anything else.

We can notice a thought appearing. Where did it come from? Then it goes away. Where is it going? They just seem to happen and live their own life.

This is easiest to notice when identification releases out of content of experience and we notice what we more fundamentally are. (That which any content of experience happens within and as.) When identification releases out of thoughts, we notice they happen on their own and live their own life.

We can explore and get a taste of this through inquiries like the Headless experiments and the Big Mind process.

INFINITE CAUSES

We may find that anything appears to have infinite causes. We can always find one more, and one more, stretching back to the beginning of time and out to the widest extent of space.

In that sense, “we” are not thinking. It’s all of existence thinking locally here in and as this mind.

ALL TOGETHER AND MORE

This all comes to mind when I hear people talk about “thinking for ourselves”.

In a conventional sense, it means to explore and examine and variety of ideas, assumptions, information, and worldviews, and find the one(s) that makes the most sense to me now. This is all always up for revision, of course. It’s good to notice that it’s all coming from somewhere else, we are not really “thinking for ourselves”.

It means to be aware that we have innumerable biases and be on outlook to identify some of them and how they color our perception and life.

It means to examine thoughts themselves. What’s their function? Their gifts? Their limits? What do I find when I examine specific thoughts and assumptions? What do I find when I explore the mental field and how it interacts with the other sense fields, and especially body sensations?

How is it to notice that thoughts live their own life? That they happen on their own?

How is it to notice that they, like anything else, have infinite causes? That it’s really all of existence thinking here, locally?

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Helpful contexts for my life

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I find I have a few contexts for my life that seem helpful

I can also call them pointers or reminders.

Here are some of them, as they look to me now.

DON’T KNOW & QUESTIONS

I don’t know anything for certain, and mental representations are questions about the world.

The nature of thoughts is that they help me navigate and orient in the world. They cannot hold any final, full, or absolute truth. That’s not their function. They are questions about the world.

The map is not the terrain. Stories are different in kind from what they point to, unless they happen to point to other thoughts. The world is always more than and different from any stories about it, and also less than any story.

To explore: The Work of Byron Katie. Philosophy of science.

MY MORE FUNDAMENTAL NATURE

In one sense, I am this human self in the world, just like my passport and how most people see me.

And I find I am more fundamentally something else. I am what the world, to me, happens within and as. I am what the field of experience – this human self, others, the wider world – happens within and as.

I am what a thought may call consciousness, and the world to me happens within and as this consciousness. The consciousness I am forms itself into all these experiences.

To explore: Big Mind process. Headless experiments. Basic meditation (over time!).

WHAT WE MOST FUNDAMENTALLY WANT

I can’t speak for all other beings, but I have found some things I – and the different parts of me – more fundamentally want. It’s variations of love, acceptance, connection, safety, belonging, coming home, and so on. If I take a surface desire for anything at all and trace it back to something more essential, I tend to arrive at one of these.

These seem essential and I suspect they are quite universal, based on what I see in the world and what others say.

There is something even more fundamental, and that’s a wish to find our nature, to consciously come home to what we already are. That gives us, in one sense, all the things we look for.

And that doesn’t mean that our human self doesn’t have wants and wishes that we can find the essence of and find ways to fulfill – mainly by giving it to ourselves here and now, and also in life.

To explore: Inquiry, tracing our wishes back to their essentials. What do I hope to get out of it? What do I hope to get out of that? And so on.

THE WORLD IS MY MIRROR

The world is my mirror. Whatever characteristics and dynamics I see out there in others and the world is also here. I can take any statement about anyone or anything, turn it to myself, and find more than one genuine example of how it’s true. (Including true at the moment I have the thought about someone or something else.)

This is wonderful in several ways. It means I can use my thoughts about others and the world to discover more about myself. It means I can find more of my own richness in myself and in how I live my life. I can explore outside of what I thought were my limits and boundaries, created by identities and ideas about myself. I can more easily recognize myself in others. And so on.

To explore: Projection and shadow work. The Work of Byron Katie.

OVERSHOOT

Our civilization is in overshoot. We are using far more resources than the planet can generate, and we are putting way more waste and toxins into the planet’s circulation than it evolved to deal with.

We would need two planets to provide for the resource use of humanity as a whole, and five or more to provide for the resource use of the Westernized and industrialized world.

This cannot continue.

That’s serious enough in itself, but there is something more serious. This is like spending money from our savings without replenishing it sufficiently. It looks fine for a while, until it’s empty and our lifestyle comes crashing down.

In our case, it’s not only our lifestyle that comes crashing down. It’s likely our whole civilization.

Will we be able to transition into a new and more ecologically sound civilization? How will the crash impact us? How many will die? How many species and ecosystems will die in the process?

We don’t know but it will likely be very challenging for us and any other species.

To explore: Articles and books on overshoot and the ecological footprint.

DEATH GIVES LIFE

What comes together falls apart.

That goes for this universe, this living planet, our current civilization, humanity, each of us, and everything we know.

Our mammalian psyche may have a problem with that, but it’s actually wonderful.

It’s how anything is here in the first place. It’s how we are here.

We are here because all the states the universe has gone through have come and gone. Stars died and provided most of the matter making up this amazing planet and us. Species died and made space for us. Individuals died and made space for us.

Death opens up space for something new. Death is how we are here. Death is how anything is here.

Impermanence is even how we can experience anything at all. Each moment is gone and opens space for a new one.

Our civilization will be gone, perhaps opening space for a new one. Humanity will be gone, opening space for other species to perhaps eventually create their own civilization. This universe will likely be gone, opening space for a new one.

It’s all a kind of a dream. What’s here is gone, opening the space for something else.

To explore: The Universe story, the Great Story, Epic of Evolution, Big History.

HAPPINESS, CONTENTMENT, MEANING & GRATITUDE

Happiness comes and goes. Often, what creates happiness are small things in daily life. Holding someone’s hand. A hug. A kind word. Ice cream. A good meal. A beautiful sunrise. And so on. We can set up our life to create moments that spark happiness.

Contentment can come in different ways. We may live a life in integrity and be in relative peace with ourselves. We may relate to ourselves – and especially our distressed parts – with kindness. We may find our nature, our more fundamental home, and find contentment there. We may have been lucky with our parents and upbringing, naturally relate to ourselves and live our life with kindness and wisdom, and find contentment that way.

Meaning is again something else. We can find meaningful activities in our life, and those are often about creativity and expression, being of service to others and the larger whole, or a combination of the two.

Finding gratitude can contribute to each of these. I can find gratitude for the things my personality naturally is inclined to find gratitude for. (I have shelter, water, food, family, friends, a beautiful day, the song of birds, a kind word, and so on.) I can also do a more radical gratitude practice where I find gratitude for everything in my life, whether my personality tends to like it or not. This can bring about even more profound shifts.

To explore: Psychology that addresses these topics. See also this book.

KINDNESS TO OURSELVES

Some of the essentials I seek are love, understanding, safety, and so on.

I can give those to myself. I notice a distressed part of me, and I can meet it as a kind and wise parent would a child.

If our parents didn’t consistently do this for us, we likely didn’t learn to consistently do it for ourselves, so this can take intention, attention, and practice. It can be a lifelong process and more than worth it.

To explore: Resources on reparenting ourselves. Heart-centered practices like Ho’oponopono and tonglen directed toward ourselves. Self-compassion. The Befriend and Wake up process I have written about in other articles.

EVOLUTIONARY CONTEXT

I like to see behavior in an evolutionary contest. It helps me find useful and kind stories to understand myself, others, and other species.

We just traveled with our cat to a new place, and she was hesitant to drink the water. That too makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. In a new place, it’s important to be careful with the water. Don’t drink if it’s not moving or if you don’t see others drink from it. I filled a glass with water, slurped some with delight while she was looking, and she happily drank (a lot!) from the same glass. (This is likely also why cats often like to drink water from the same glass as their humans. They trust it’s safe to drink if they see others drink it.)

I don’t have to beat myself up for having sugar cravings now and then. I understand why. It’s because my ancestors evolved to crave sugar because it helped them and their offspring survive. Sugar was found in rare and nutrient-rich foods like fruits, and the cravings helped them prioritize seeking out and eating these foods. In our modern world, this impulse has been hijacked by the food industry to sell products. I don’t have to be too hard on myself for having these cravings or even following them now and then, these cravings helped my ancestors survive. (And I can find practical strategies for dealing with them. For instance, only buying what’s on my shopping list, and having someone to be accountable to.)

When I am sick, I know that most (nearly all?) of my symptoms evolved to help me heal. The general fatigue and illness feeling motivates me to rest, which helps my body heal itself. Fever – increased temperature – helps my body kill pathogens. Diarrhea flushes out pathogens or undesirable food. And so on. This shifts how I relate to what’s happening when I am sick. I find more appreciation and even gratitude for my symptoms. (It also highlights one of the strange things some do in our culture, which is to try to counter or stop the natural self-healing processes of the body like fever, diarrhea, and so on.)

I have a fear of heights. That too is very understandable from an evolutionary perspective. My ancestors likely survived partly because they had some fear of heights, and the ones who did not were more likely to die young and not pass on their genetics. I can still work on this fear so it doesn’t stop me from doing the things I want.

To explore: Evolutionary psychology.

MY CONNECTION WITH THE LARGER WHOLE

How am I connected with the larger whole? Am I a separate being or is something else more true?

When I find my more fundamental nature, I find that the world – as it appears to me – happens within and as what I am. Already there, the ideas of separation break down, at least in how it all appears to me.

Through science, we also find stories of oneness and connection, and these inform our perception, choices, and life in the world.

As Carl Sagan said, we are the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe. We are the universe bringing itself into consciousness.

The universe is one seamless system. It has evolved and temporarily formed itself into you and me and our experiences and everything we know. It will continue to evolve and change itself into something new. (And that may not always conform to our ideas of “progress”!)

Our planet is one living system. Our health and well-being is dependent on the health and well-being of this larger living system.

This helps me feel more connected as a human being, see myself as an expression of the larger whole, and behave in ways that (are more likely to) take care of this larger living system I am a part of.

To explore: Systems views, Universe Story, Great Story, Epic of Evolution, Big History, Deep Ecology.

Image by me and Midjourney.

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Patterns in misophonia & sound sensitivity: humans vs nature

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Since I was little, I have had misophonia and sensitivity to sounds. The misophonia is mostly triggered by chewing and paper and plastic rustling, and the sound sensitivity mostly to loud sounds and noise.

GENERAL PATTERNS

I have noticed some general patterns.

My system is more sensitive when I am exhausted or stressed, and it’s much easier if I am rested and relaxed.

The misophonia and sound sensitivity is triggered more easily when the sound is ongoing. The reaction builds up over time.

And I get more stressed if I think I am unable to do something about it. If I cannot do anything about the source, if I don’t have anything to put in my ears (often tight earbuds with music), or if I cannot remove myself from the sound. (That’s why traveling with others in a car, bus, train, or plane can be stressful for me.)

If I am more resourced, the sound doesn’t last too long, and I can do something about it, it’s much easier to deal with.

THE SOURCE OF THE SOUND

And there is also a difference depending on the source of the sound.

If the source of the sound (for instance, chewing sound) is a non-human being or a baby, it’s usually completely fine with me. I may notice a small reaction far in the background, but it’s OK.

If the source is a human that’s not a baby, that’s when the misophonia is triggered.

And it’s the same with noise sensitivity. If the source is humans, it can feel overwhelming. If the source is nature, it’s typically fine.

For instance, I am currently in the countryside in the Andes mountains (El Caucho outside of Barichara). Yesterday, there was construction noise nearby which I noticed bothered me. This morning, a neighbor had the radio on loud, which bothered me. (Especially since it’s Sunday at 5:30 am), while the guacharacas loudly crowing much earlier didn’t bother me at all.

WHAT THIS SUGGESTS

This suggests that my reaction is mediated by my mental field.

If the source is “innocent” as my mind sees it, there is less reaction.

And if I have stressful thoughts about the source, the reaction is stronger. Some of the thoughts I have identified and explored are “they should know better”, “the sound is aggressive” and “this is a symptom of our destructive civilization” (loud machines, chain saws, leaf blowers), “he is inconsiderate”, and so on.

WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT IT

These patterns give me several cues for what I can do about it.

I can continue to support my system to rest and build up energy. (I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome so this is important for me in general.) I can make sure to get good sleep. Eat well. Rest before, during, and after any activity, and extra. Take my vitamins and herbs. (Vitamin D, Siberian Ginseng, and Echinacea seem especially helpful.) Receive energization with Vortex Healing. (Amazingly helpful.)

I can continue to find ways to manage the situation when it happens. I have earbuds with me. For longer travels, I bring noise-canceling earphones. If I am about to travel with people in a car, let them know in advance. If I am in a public space and people close to me are loud, I go somewhere else. And so on.

I have found it helpful to ask myself some questions. Is this too the voice of the divine? (I notice it directly so it’s not a “trick” and I’ll still do the other things.) How I would respond if the source was a baby or non-human being? Are not humans and human civilization also nature?

I can also explore mental representations triggered by these sounds, what they mean to me (underlying assumptions, associations), how I relate to them, and what’s more true for me. I have already done this with The Work of Byron Katie and the Kiloby Inuiries, and it has helped a lot, and there is more to discover.

WHAT’S THE CAUSE?

What’s the cause of misophonia and sound sensitivity?

I am not sure. It’s likely a combination of several things:

My stressful thoughts about the sounds and what they mean.

How resourced my system is.

We evolved in a generally much more quiet environment than many of us live in today, and this likely puts a lot of stress on our system. It’s not surprising if some of us are extra sensitive to sounds and noise.

And it doesn’t matter so much. I have some ways to work with it anyway.

Image by me and Midjourney. And, no, I won’t keep going on with black-and-white woodcuts forever! It’s just what I am drawn to right now.

Byron Katie: Believing what you fear makes it true for you, and that doesn’t make it true

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Believing what you fear
makes it true for you,
and that doesn’t make it true

– Byron Katie

At a general intellectual level, this seems obvious: Holding a thought as true and experiencing it as true doesn’t make it true.

And yet, for many parts of me, it seems not obvious at all. Many parts of my psyche operate as if holding a thought as true makes it true. They mistake mental imagination for what it supposedly points to.

Any time there is any charge on a thought, any time there is reactivity, defensiveness, and so on, it’s a sign that a part of my psyche holds a stressful thought as true.

And to explore that, it helps to have a structured process preferably guided by someone familiar with the terrain. The most effective approaches I have found so far are The Work of Byron Katie and the Kiloby Inquiries (based on traditional Buddhist sense field inquiry).

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Own inquiry: My body shouldn’t be so tired

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It’s been a while since I have shared formal inquiry explorations here, including The Work of Byron Katie, so I thought I would restart that. (I used to write a lot more explorations.)

STATEMENT & SITUATION

Statement: My body shouldn’t be so tired.

Situation: Lying on the sofa five minutes before an inquiry session. (The Work on Zoom.)

INQUIRY

1. Is it true? Yes, in that situation it feels true.

2. Can you know for certain if it’s true? No, I cannot know for certain.

3. What happens when you believe that thought?

I feel extra tired. I notice the symptoms of tiredness. The tiredness comes to the forefront. It feels overwhelming. A part me of wants to cancel. I imagine others judging me. I judge myself. I see myself in the session unable to follow the question and inquiry. I see myself not being able to talk clearly and coherently. I see images of the facilitator judging me. I feel ashamed. I feel I am to blame. I tell myself I could have prevented it (through more resting, different food, taking more herbs). I blame myself for not being “more perfect” in how I take care of myself, especially the last days. I compare myself with others and how I used to be, and how I imagined I would be. I see them as energetic and active, and myself lying here unable to even do inquiry.

4. Who would you be without that thought? How would you be if you were unable to think that thought in that situation?

I notice myself as whole. I am curious about the inquiry and what will come out of it. I am looking forward to the inquiry. I notice excitement. I notice my thoughts and words come from more clarity. I feel lighter.

Turnarounds

TA1: My body should be so tired.

(a) It is. That’s how life unfolds. There are likely innumerable causes for it, and I am aware of only a tiny fraction. It’s how the whole of the universe moves locally here.

(b) It helped me do this inquiry. I had initially planned to do another one, and noticing the tiredness and this thought shifted me to do this inquiry.

(c) It has helped me do a lot of inquiry into identities, identifications, beliefs, and so on. It’s helped me examine the beliefs in my culture around this, as they are here in my own mind.

(d) It has helped me be more real with others.

(e) It has helped me understand and accept others as they are, especially if they have health challenges, and also more in general.

TA2: My thinking shouldn’t be so tired.

(a) I notice that unexamined thinking makes me feel tired, and when I examine and find what’s more true for me, I feel more clear, lighter, and engaged. I often find energy.

(b) The “should” thoughts are old and worn out. They are old and tired, in that sense.

TA3: My body shouldn’t be so energetic.

(a) I had sorted and organized earlier in the day and got into a slight adrenaline rush. I surfed on adrenaline, which is likely why I felt tired in the hour before the session. I am aware of this, and counteract it with rest and slowing down, but there is room for improvement.

(b) Also, looking at this thought makes it even more clear that the two complementary thoughts – my body shouldn’t be so tired / my body shouldn’t be so energetic – are both thoughts. They are literally imaginations.

REFLECTIONS

I did this inquiry during the session, and it was very helpful. I found a lot more than I wrote down here.

In the past, question three and the turnarounds were the most interesting to me, and I often couldn’t find so much with question four. These days, it seems that question four is the most powerful one. In this case, sitting in it felt rich and transforming.

I haven’t done The Work in a structured way for a while, and with a facilitator, so it feels good to come back to it. It feels more fresh and real, and something has shifted. (Especially really enjoying question four and what comes up there.)

Coming to my senses

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Why do we say “coming to our senses”?

Likely because there is a sanity we can find by literally coming to our senses, and people throughout time have noticed it and found the expression useful and insightful.

GOING OUT OF OUR SENSES

We inflict suffering and discomfort on ourselves by going into fantasies and taking them as true. We imagine a painful past, a scary future, something uncomfortable happening somewhere else. We even put a layer of interpretation on what’s right here.

Right now, I am sitting in a quiet room with sunlight through the window, a candle on the table, and a cup of warm tea. And I can imagine painful past experiences and childhood. I can imagine something terrible happening in the future. I imagine others living a better and more happy and fulfilling life. And I can imagine that all of those imaginations are real and true and define who I am, and I can get lost in all of it.

COMING TO MY SENSES

Instead, I can come to my senses. I can notice the room I am in. The textures, colors, flickering light, smells, the sensation of my legs on the seat and my feet on the floor.

I can notice what’s here in my senses. I can notice what’s here in my imagination. And I can notice the difference between the two. I can notice that what’s here in my mental field is literally imagination. It’s a collection of labels, interpretations, stories, and so on. It’s full of questions about the world. It’s not reality itself. (Although it can become a reality for me if I get lost in it.) None of it is a final, full, or absolute truth. Reality is always different from and more than my imaginations.

That brings a kind of sanity. It helps me ground in what’s here. It helps release charge out of the imaginations.

EXPLORING IT MORE THOROUGHLY

And it may help to investigate this more thoroughly. I can explore what’s in each of my sense fields and how my mental field creates an overlay of labels, stories, and so on, and how those are all questions about the world to help me orient and navigate. They are not anything more. I can also investigate specific stories more thoroughly and find what’s already more true for me (and more peaceful).

THE WISDOM IN COMMON SAYINGS

There is something a lot of wisdom in common expressions.

In this case, “coming to our senses” is a direct pointer to how we can ground, find more sanity, and be more kind to ourselves and others.

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Psychology 101: My culture is inside me

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Throughout my daily life, I notice parts of me responding to situations, people, and trains of thought. Mostly, these parts respond with judgments. They are not aligned with my “global” or conscious view. And they come from my culture.

I notice them. Flash on where they come from. Notice what’s more true for me. And they are gone.

WHAT ARE THESE THOUGHTS?

As mentioned, these thoughts are mostly judgments.

She is fat. (And that’s bad.) He is ugly. (Bad.)

She is young, slim, and attractive. (Good.) He is well dressed. (Good.)

If I eat fast food, I am one of those people. (Bad.)

They are at that restaurant, so they must be sophisticated. (Good.)

He is Muslim. (Dangerous.) She looks unkept. (Not good.)

And so on.

WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?

So why does this happen?

It’s because we learn from others. Our mind absorbs whatever is out there in the culture – from family, school, friends, media, movies, books, lyrics, and so on.

And the more often we are exposed to it, and the more charge it has (even if we just see it having charge for the other person), the more likely it is to go in and come up again.

The job of our mind is to absorb it all and then give it back to us whenever it’s relevant. (And sometimes when it’s not obviously relevant!)

It’s natural and essentially innocent.

RELATE TO IT MORE CONSCIOUSLY

Although if we join in with these thoughts and act on them, that can be quite harmful to ourselves (psychologically) and others (in life and society).

So it’s good to find a more conscious relationship to these dynamics.

I can notice these thoughts and reactions in me.

And I can find what’s more true for me than the stereotypes these thoughts typically reflect.

I can relate more intentionally to the way different parts of me respond to something.

THE BIGGER PICTURE: THE WORLD IS MY MIRROR

There is a bigger picture here.

The world is my mirror. Whatever characteristics and dynamics I see “out there” in others and the world are also here in me. They may be expressed in different situations and in different ways. And the essence is the same. (For instance, whenever I react with aversion to someone or something, the essence of that reaction is often the same as what I am reacting to. I am doing the same as what I see out there in that moment.)

And it’s all happening within my sense fields. To me, others and the world happen within and as my mental field and sometimes my other sense fields. It’s happening within and as what I am. It’s happening within and as the consciousness I am. “Out there” is really “here”. “He she it they” is really “me”.

INTERNALIZATION AND OVER-I

I like to use simple and ordinary language and avoid jargon, but I want to mention a couple of things.

This is often called internalization. We internalize our culture and it lives on in us. It’s how culture is passed on and it’s how we can have a culture in the first place.

And it’s also what Freud called the over-I or – through mistranslation – the superego. The essence of his insights is often valuable, although some of what comes from him are specific to his own culture, and there are simpler and more effective ways to do therapy.

Note: After writing this, a video on this topic popped up on YouTube. From 1-10 how racists are you (Cut). It’s good to see that many these days are aware of unconscious biases that we pick up and learn from the society we live in, and actively seek to be aware of them and counter them.

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Byron Katie: “I don’t know” is a lot of freedom

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“I don’t know” is a lot of freedom

– Byron Katie

There is a lot to explore in these types of quotes.

I DON’T KNOW

It’s accurate that I don’t know. I don’t know anything for certain.

Any story is more or less accurate in a conventional sense. They fit the data more or less well.

Even if they seem relatively accurate, they highlight some features and leave a lot out.

They always come from a certain perspective and worldview. And there are inevitably many other perspectives and worldviews that make as much or more sense. Some would make as much or more sense to us now if we knew about them. Some may make as much or more sense to us in the future, with a bit more experience. And some of these would even turn our perception upside-down and inside-out.

Stories are different in kind from what they are about. (Unless they happen to be about mental representations). And that means they are inherently imperfect in terms of capturing anything in its fullness or in a very accurate way.

Reality is always more than and different from any map. (Any story – any mental representation whether it’s a mental image or words – is a map).

Stories cannot hold any final, full, or absolute truth. That’s not their function.

Any story I have about the world is provisional and a question.

It’s here to help me navigate and function in the world.

That’s why it’s helpful to examine any story we hold as true at some level in our being. And it’s good when we are able to hold them lightly.

THE FREEDOM OF “I DON’T KNOW”

“I don’t know” gives me freedom.

It frees up more of my natural receptivity and curiosity. It gives me the freedom to explore the validity in a range of different stories about the same topic.

It gives me the freedom to relate to these stories more intentionally and make use of them in whatever way makes the most sense in the situation.

WHAT I KNOW

At the same time, I know some things.

In a provisional and conventional sense, I know certain things.

I know what name I go by in this world. I know some about my history. I know how to read and write. I know, to some extent, how to take decent photos and make decent drawings. I know a few things about meditation and many spiritual practices, both from my own experience and from what others say about it. I know some things about the world. I know some things about ecology and sustainability. I know some things about what I feel and think and experience here and now. I know some of my preferences and likes and dislikes. And so on.

I can have an inner knowing or intuition. This too is a question about the world. (Although it often turns out to have wisdom and kindness in it.)

Also, it’s possible to know some things about my nature. I directly perceive something about what I more fundamentally am. I find myself as capacity for the field of experience, and what this field of experience happens within and as. And that is also provisional and a question. I know that this too can be turned upside-down and inside-out at any moment. I know there is always infinitely further to go.

WHEN IT’S USED TO HIDE

“I don’t know” can also be used to hide.

We can use it to hide from others what we know. We say “I don’t know” when we actually do know something but don’t want to share it for whatever reason. Or we just stay silent when it would be more appropriate to share something.

And we can use it to hide from ourselves what we know. We know something we don’t want to know, and pretend to ourselves we don’t know. Or we distract ourselves from it, perhaps by going into compulsions.

In my case, a part of me wants to hide in general to feel more safe. This is a response to challenging situations from early in life, and I still live out that pattern in some situations and areas of life. For instance, I don’t use my name on this website, and I very rarely talk with anyone about the topics I write about here, even if they are central to my life. (I hide to stay more safe, but it doesn’t work. If anything, it just leads to frustration in the long run.)

In some situations, we can use “I don’t know” as a shield or a weapon. (And when that happens, we know.)

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The world doesn’t fit categories

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It seems pretty obvious. The world doesn’t fit neat little categories.

So why do I even mention it?

Because it points to something important about how our minds work.

MENTAL FIELD OVERLAY

Our experience can be distinguished into sense fields. We can say that these sense fields are physical sensations, sight, sound, taste, smell, the mental field, and so on. (That distinction itself is made up of categories and we can imagine other ways to make that differentiation. It’s made up for convenience.)

Our mental field functions as a kind of overlay on the world. We make sense of the world through an overlay of mental images and words. And we can say that this overlay consists of labels, imaginary boundaries, stories, and so on. (That too is a somewhat arbitrary distinction made for convenience.)

These mental field overlays are created by our minds. None of it is inherent in the world.

That seems obvious too.

WE IMAGINE THE REST OF THE WORLD

And yet, there is another layer here.

Our immediate experience of the world is filtered through this mental overlay.

And what’s not here in our immediate experience – the whole rest of the world – only exists to us in our mental field.

There is a whole lot of imagination going on here.

We imagine boundaries, distinctions, labels, categories, stories, and so on. And we imagine anything that’s not here in immediate experience. We imagine the whole rest of the world.

ANY THOUGHT IS CATEGORIZATION

In a sense, all this mental field overlay is doing is categorizing. It creates imaginary divisions, labels, stories, and so on. And it’s all a way to categorize the world.

What’s the function of this?

It’s all to help us orient and function in the world.

Without it, we wouldn’t be able to function. It’s all essential for our life in the world.

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF THOUGHT

Thoughts have some characteristics.

They function as a map of the world, to help us orient and navigate.

They help us explore possibilities before we act in the world.

They are questions about the world. They are always provisional and up for revision. (Even what may seem the most solid to us is that way, including what comes from what we see as the most authoritative source. And the idea of authority is another question about the world.)

They cannot hold any final, full, or absolute truth. That’s not their function.

THE WORLD IS MORE THAN AND DIFFERENT FROM OUR MAPS

And the world is always more than and different from our maps.

Our mental field overlay is an overlay created by our mind. The distinctions, labels, and stories are not inherent in the world. It’s ours.

IF SO OBVIOUS, WHY EVEN MENTION IT?

Again, all of this may seem obvious. So why even mention it?

It’s because it may be obvious to us in a general sense and intellectually, but is it obvious to us at a more visceral level?

Often not. Our mind and system tend to hold onto some stories as true, often without even realizing it.

And that’s what creates hangups, closed minds, a closed heart, rigidity, contraction, tension, and stress. Taken to the extreme, it’s what creates fundamentalism, bigotry, and intentionally harmful behavior.

EXPLORING HOLDING ONTO STORIES AS TRUE

How can we explore the parts of us holding onto stories as true?

Inquiry is one way, and especially structured inquiry guided by someone familiar with that terrain.

What I have found most effective is The Work of Byron Katie, Kiloby Inquiries, and perhaps also the Big Mind process.

Another approach is any form of therapy we are drawn to and that works for us. That too can help us identify and find some freedom from taking stories as true.

WHY DO WE HOLD ONTO STORIES AS TRUE?

Why do we have such an apparently unhealthy relationship with our mental field?

Why do we hold onto some stories as true even if they are obviously painful and not as true as we pretend they are?

The simple answer may be that we do as others do. As we grow up, we do what we see others do.

Another answer is that we try to find safety in holding certain thoughts as true. It seems to give us an advantage. We can pretend we know how things are. We don’t need to stay open and receptive, at least not in the area of life covered by that particular story.

The reality is quite different. Holding onto these stories is out of alignment with reality. We pretend something that’s not true. And somewhere in us, we know what’s going on. We cannot trick ourselves. And that creates stress.

Holding onto stories as true creates stress in other ways as well. It is created by our mental field so we need to remember, rehearse, and prop up the story. We need to defend it when life or others inevitably show us something out of alignment with the story. We create rigidity in our perception and life. We miss out on options in life. We may get into conflicts with others just because we hold different and apparently incompatible stories as true.

WHEN TAKEN FURTHER

We can take these explorations further.

We may realize that even our ideas about who or what we are are ideas. They do not reflect reality in an accurate or complete way. We can even examine each of these stories and find what’s more true for us.

So what are we more fundamentally?

When I look, I find I am more fundamentally capacity. I am capacity for the world as it appears to me. I am capacity for the sense fields and anything happening within content of experience.

I am the field all of it happens within and as, including any sense impressions that my mental field says is this human self, any ideas of what I am or am not, and any tendency to hold any one of those ideas as true or not.

What releases us from the reincarnation cycle?

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A monk asked a Zen master, “What happens when you die?” The Zen master replied, I don’t know.” The monk said, “What do you mean. Aren’t you a Zen master?” And the Zen Master replied, “Yes, but I’m not a dead one.”

– this is a classic Zen story and I am unsure of the origin. I got this version of the quote from Zenkei Blanche Hartman.

Some folks are invested in ideas about reincarnation and what would release us from the reincarnation cycle.

As with any topic, this one is as complex or simple as we make it.

I DON’T KNOW

The simple answer is that I don’t know.

I don’t know if there is such a thing as reincarnation. Or how it works. Or if there is a release from it. Or what would lead to such a release. Or if any of it is really important.

I cannot know.

I know what some folks say about it. That’s, at best, second-hand or X-hand info, and at worst speculation.

I know that there is some research into it and I know some of the findings and some of the ways to interpret the findings. (Reincarnation is just one possibility). That’s very interesting research, but it’s provisional and not by any means conclusive. No research is ever conclusive. There is always more to discover, and new contexts to understand it within which may turn it all upside-down and inside-out for us.

I can know that I, personally, have what seems like memories of the time between lives and some past lives. Here too, I cannot know for certain if this is accurate or not.

I can only find reincarnation and my personal memories as ideas here and now. They happen within my mental field. I cannot find them any other place.

What’s most honest for me is that I cannot know. And for that reason, it’s also the most peaceful. It’s most aligned with my reality, with my world.

EXPLORING IT AS PROJECTIONS

Also as with anything else, I can explore my ideas of reincarnation as a projection. And I can do that in two general ways.

One is to use the stories as a mirror for what’s already here.

Can I find what these stories point to in my direct noticing?

When I look, I find reincarnation here. I find that what’s here is always fresh and different. I find that any ideas of who or what I am is recreated here and now. Any sense of continuity is created by my mental field, it’s a story tying mental images together to create a sense of continuity, time, past, future, and present, and so on. Basic meditation (notice and allow) is good for noticing this, especially when combined with inquiry.

This helps me ground it in my direct noticing.

The other is to notice it as a mental overlay I put on the world.

I can find any and all ideas I have about reincarnation in my mental field. Any ideas of a self reincarnation, or specific incarnations, or release from the cycle, is here in my mental field. I cannot find it any other place.

This helps me hold it more lightly.

EXAMINE THE STORIES

I can also explore the stories more in detail, and how my mind creates its experience related to reincarnation. Here are two of my favorite ways to do this:

I can examine the stories I have.

What is a stressful story I have about reincarnation? (Hopeful and fearful stories are both stressful.) What happens when I hold it as true? How would it be to not have it? What’s the genuine validity in the reversals? (Including when I turn it back to myself.) (The Work of Byron Katie.)

I can explore it in my sense fields.

How does reincarnation show up in my mental field? Can I find it outside of my mental field?

What sensations are connected with it? Where do I feel it?

What happens when my mind associates certain sensations with these stories? Do they seem more solid and real? What happens when I rest with respectively the mental representations (mental images and words) and the sensations? What happens when I recognize the sensations as sensations, and the mental representations as mental representations? Does the “glue” soften? (The Kiloby Inquiries, based on traditional Buddhist inquiry.)

WHAT AM I TRYING TO ESCAPE? HOW WOULD IT BE TO MEET IT INSTEAD?

If I am invested in ideas about reincarnation and a wish to escape the cycle, that points to something I wish to escape here and now.

Which experience am I trying to escape here and now? What stressful story? What uncomfortable physical sensation?

How would it be to meet it instead?

To identify and examine the scary story?

To notice and feel the physical sensation?

How would it be to befriend the scared part of me? What does it have to tell me? How would it like me to relate to it? What would help it relax a little more?

And so on. The Work of Byron Katie and the Kiloby Inquiries are very helpful here, as is any form of befriending or heart-centered approach (toglen, ho’oponopono). Basic Meditation can also be helpful, especially when combined with inquiry.

TAKING CARE OF IT NOW

Here is a more general angle to the wanting-to-escape dynamic.

If we seek release from the reincarnation cycle, it may be because we imagine it as a release from any suffering we experience now. It’s a kind of get-out-of-jail card.

But can I know that’s the case?

To me, it makes more sense to assume that my hangups and struggles will be with me beyond this life. (If there is a beyond.) Why wouldn’t they? So why not find that resolution now?

GIVE IT TO MYSELF NOW

Here is another simple inquiry that can be helpful:

What do I hope to get out of a release from the reincarnation cycle? And what do I hope to get out of that? And that? (Continue until you find the essence. Usually, the essence is something simple and universal like love, contentment, peace, understanding, support, and so on.)

Is it true that’s not already here? How would it be to notice it?

How would it be to give it to myself now? (Yes, I know that giving it to myself seems unnecessary if it’s already here, but I find the two go hand in hand.)

FIND OUR NATURE

As with anything else, there is also an invitation for us to find our nature here.

Reincarnation is a story of change. It’s a story of taking on different selves and roles in the world. It’s a story of different words.

Everything related to this is a story of change.

If it all changes, none of it can be what I more fundamentally am.

I an have an idea of something within content of experience that doesn’t change. But that’ an idea. Here too, it’s not something I can find outside of my mental field.

So what am I more fundamentally?

The Big Mind process and the Headless experiments are the most direct and efficient supports I have found to explore this, along with the slower Basic Meditation.

FIND THE TWO AS THE SAME

If I was to guess what would release us from a reincarnation cycle, I imagine it would be this:

To find the two as the same.

To find the essential sameness in our incarnated and disincarnated life. And to not only see it but viscerally get it. To taste it.

So what is the sameness of the two?

This is something I have had a strong incentive to explore. In my childhood, I had flashbacks to the time between lives, to a disincarnate state, and I had a deep longing for it. So one of my genjo koans (life koans) is to find that here and now.

The most fundamental sameness is that it’s all – any experience whether its in the context of an incarnate life or a disincarnate existence – happens within and as what I am. I am capacity for it all. It all happens within and as the consciousness I am.

And there is more. I can find the same timelessness independent of the content of experience. I can find my nature as love.

LILA

Lila means the play of the divine. All of existence is the divine expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways.

And we can find that too here and now.

All our experience is the play of the consciousness we are.

It’s the consciousness we are expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways.

That includes our ideas of reincarnation.

And it includes any changing content of our experience – whether that changing content is waking life or night dreams, this human self changing over time, a disincarnate time between incarnations, new incarnations, and so on.

It’s all the play of the consciousness we are. It’s all lila.

It’s all the existence we are expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways.

MAKING USE OF IT

We can pretend to believe stories about reincarnation, and that may be comforting for a while and to some extent. But it’s also stressful, especially since we know we cannot know for certain.

So why not make practical use of our ideas about reincarnation?

Why not find what the stories point to here and now? Why not examine our stories about it? Why not meet the discomfort we wish to escape? Why not give to ourselves what we imagine we would get out of it? Why not use it to find what we more fundamentally are in our own first-person experience?

This grounds what’s otherwise speculation in something that’s already here and now.

We use speculation to find what’s already here and now.

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Does all time happen now? Yes, to us it does

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I remember having this experience in my teens, following the oneness shift. It was as if I could see, for my inner eye, all of time happening now, and I imagined that’s how time is to God. This was one of the early side effects of the shift, and it changed as I found more clarity about what was going on.

Since then, I occasionally talk with people who share a similar experience, often relatively early in the awakening process.

Is this topic important? Why do people experience it this way? And how can we explore it for ourselves?

IS IT IMPORTANT?

At a philosophical level, it’s about as important as other abstract philosophical topics. For most of us, it’s not very important in our daily life.

If it’s an experience – or a sense or intuition, then it’s often important for the ones having it.

And as a topic to explore in our own direct noticing, it can lead us to notice our nature. It can lead us home, to the home we already are whether we notice it or not. And for us, nothing may be more important than that.

WHY DO SOME HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE?

Where does the “all time is happening now” experience come from?

It comes from noticing reality. Not necessarily some absolute reality out there but the reality of our own experience.

To us, any content of experience happens within our sense fields. Any experience happens within one or more sense field – sight, sound, smell, taste, sensation, mental representations, and so on.

And that includes our experience of time. Any ideas of past, present, and future, and any ideas of what’s in each of these, happen within our mental field. It all happens here and now.

Any sense of all time happening now also happens within our sense fields. It happens as a combination of certain mental representations (of a timeline and past, future, and present) and certain sensations in the body. Our mind associates the two so the sensations seem to lend a sense of solidity and reality to the mental representations, and the mental representations give a sense of meaning to the sensations.

That means that to us, all time happens now. It’s inevitable. It’s always been that way.

So if we experience that all time happens now, it’s because it does – to us. It was always that way. It cannot be any other way. It’s just that we don’t always notice.

And that doesn’t mean that this is how reality itself is. It’s just our inevitable experience because of how our mind works.

DIFFERENTIATING OUR OWN EXPERIENCE FROM REALITY “OUT THERE”

It’s important to differentiate the two.

To me, all time happens now. I cannot find the past or future, or even the idea of the present, outside of my mental representations. And they all happen here and now.

And that doesn’t say anything about reality itself. It doesn’t tell me how existence in itself is. What we call “time” is a mental overlay on (our mental overlays of) existence.

It says something about my own experience.

A POINTER TO MY OWN NATURE

More importantly, it says something about my own nature.

It’s a pointer to what I more fundamentally am, in my own first-person experience.

If I notice a sense of all time happening now, it’s an invitation for me to take a closer look. How does my mind create this experience?

This can be an invitation to explore our sense fields. To explore what’s happening in each, and how the mental field combines with physical sensations to create a sense of solidity and reality out of imaginations and sensations. (These imaginations are essential for us to orient and function in the world so there is nothing wrong with them, it’s just good to notice what’s happening.)

And this may lead me to find what I more fundamentally am. I may find that I more fundamentally am capacity for anything appearing in the sense fields. I am what the world, to me, happens within and as.

HOW CAN WE EXPLORE THIS FOR OURSELVES?

How can we investigate this for ourselves?

There are many approaches out there and what works depends on the person and situation. Here are a few I have found helpful.

Traditional Buddhist sense field explorations. For instance, pay attention to one sense field at a time and what happens there. Notice what happens in the mental field. Notice how the mental field interprets what happens in the other sense fields, how it interprets what’s not here in any other sense field, and perhaps even how certain sensations lend a sense of solidity and reality to some mental representations (give them a charge) and how certain mental representations give a sense of meaning to certain sensations.

The Kiloby Inquiries is a modern take on this traditional Buddhist inquiry. This inquiry usually requires a facilitator, at least unless we are trained and have some experience with it for ourselves.

The Work of Byron Katie can be helpful, especially if we explore this specifically.

Apart from sense field explorations, the most direct ways to explore this may be the Big Mind process and the Headless experiments. Here, we get a direct taste of any ideas of past, future, and present as happening here now, and happening within and as what we are.

Basic Meditation can do the same, although it tends to be a slightly slower process. Notice and allow what’s here. Notice that it’s already noticed and allowed. Notice how any content of experience comes and goes, including any ideas of past, future, and present. So what am I more fundamentally?

ALL OF TIME DOES HAPPEN NOW

So yes, all of time does happen simultaneously. To us, it does. It’s inevitable since time can only be found in our mental representations, and these happen here and now. I cannot find time outside of my present experience.

That doesn’t tell me how reality itself is.

And it’s an invitation for me to take a closer look, which may lead me to find my own nature.

Although much is important in life, we may find there is no greater treasure than that.

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Alejandro Jodorowsky: I am the others, the others are me

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I am the others, the others are me

– Alejandro Jodorowsky in Jodorowsky’s Dune

I can find several ways it’s true.

The first two are more loose and poetic. The next three are something we can check out for ourselves in our direct noticing. And the last one either depends on our definition or is an assumption – at least for me now.

POETIC & SENSE OF US

We can mean it in a loose and poetic way.

I have a sense of fellowship and a sense of us.

So I am you and you are me in the sense that we are all in it together.

SYSTEMS VIEW

We are all part of and expressions of larger social and ecological systems.

We are expressions and parts of a larger whole, just like cells are part of a larger organism.

We are the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe.

In this sense too, I am you and you are me.

MIRROR

I see in others what I know from myself, whether I know I know it from myself or not.

I can take any story I have about someone else (or anything in the world), turn it to myself, and find genuine and specific examples of where it’s true.

You are my mirror. You are me.

I am your mirror. I am you.

This is something I can find for myself by exploring projections. One of my favorite ways is through inquiry and especially The Work of Byron Katie.

SENSE FIELDS

To me, the world happens within and as my sense fields.

To me, any experience is found within sight, sound, smell, taste, sensations, thoughts, and so on.

To me, you happen within and as my sense fields.

Here too, you are me. And to you, I am you.

This is something I can explore and find for myself, by noticing my sense fields and how any experience happens within them. Traditional Buddhist sense field explorations are especially good for this.

WHAT I AM

In one sense, I am this human self in the world. That’s an assumption that’s not wrong and it works pretty well.

And when I look closer at what I am in my own experience, I find something else.

I find I more fundamentally am capacity for the world and anything that happens in my sense fields. I am what allows any and all experience, including what I think of as you.

I am what the world, to me, happens within and as. I am what you, to me, happen within and as.

If I want to put labels on it, I can say that to me, I am consciousness and the world happens within and as this consciousness I am.

In a very literal sense, you are me. And to you, I am you, whether you notice or not.

This is also something I can check out and find for myself, perhaps most effectively through forms of inquiry like the Big Mind process and Headless experiments, and also Basic Meditation.

SPIRIT

We can take this one step further.

If we call all of existence Spirit, the divine, or God, we can say that we are all aspects and expressions of Spirit.

I am you and you are me.

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“I went against God’s will”

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I wrote about this before but thought I would revisit it to see what comes up.

FOLLOWING MY GUIDANCE

In my late teens and early twenties, I discovered I had a strong and clear inner guidance. When I followed it, things fell into place in amazing ways. The following path wasn’t always easy or carefree, but it felt deeply right and life brought me to places – including physical places and communities – that felt deeply right.

I explored following it in daily life, including in the smallest of ways to see what would happen, and also so I got to see what in me feared following it.

In what situations was it more difficult for me to follow it? Not surprisingly, it was typically when other people were involved and my social anxiety, desire for approval, fear of disapproval and anger, and so on came up.

In my mid-twenties, I studied psychology at the University of Utah on a student visa. (I am from Norway.) During a semester off, I went to Nepal and India and met someone literally from around the corner from me in Salt Lake City. (We had mutual friends so it wasn’t as much of a coincidence as it sounds like.) We got into a relationship, and when my student visa later ran out, we had a choice of splitting up or getting married. We chose to get married.

That felt OK, although the decision was confused by several emotional issues surfacing in me: Fear of being alone. (Although I loved that too.) Fear of losing the community at the Zen center I lived at in Salt Lake City. Fear of losing the cool things in the US culture I couldn’t find easily in Norway. (Including psychology classes on ecopsychology, environmental psychology, health psychology, and systems theories.) Fear of losing my beloved Rocky Mountains and desert. (I felt a profound belonging to that land.) And so on.

LEAVING MY GUIDANCE ON A MAJOR LIFE DECISION

But what felt very strongly not OK with my inner guidance was moving to Wisconsin. My wife got into the graduate program there, and I didn’t want to be the one preventing her from following her dreams. Here too, issues came up: I didn’t want to be selfish, I didn’t want to be the reason for her resentment if she didn’t follow her opportunities.

Although I loved a lot about being in Madison – the community, working with sustainability – it also felt deeply wrong to be there. My inner guidance was there always telling me that this was wrong. And that obviously also impacted our relationship. That too started feeling not right and not as aligned as I had wished.

Even after moving to Oregon, which felt far more right for me, the sense of something fundamental being off was there. My inner guidance told me that the relationship was not right. And I still stayed, likely because of a combination of convenience (it was good on the surface and comfortable in a conventional sense) and my issues (unprocessed fears). My guidance was still there, always, telling me that this was not right.

LEAVING THE SITUATION

After some years of this, I did move away and got divorced. And although my outer life now feels much more aligned, my inner sense of alignment is still not quite there.

I still feel an inner sense of being lost and I am not sure if that’s from childhood issues or going against my guidance for so long, or – more likely – a combination.

“I WENT AGAINST GOD’S WILL”

Throughout all this, the discrepancy between my inner guidance and my active choices was deeply uncomfortable and painful for me.

And I added to that discomfort by telling myself I had gone against God’s will. God had plans for me. God told me what to do through my inner guidance. And I went against it. I ruined my life. This was quite traumatic for me.

It took time for me to process this and clarify this more deeply. Through The Work of Byron Katie, I found more clearly that I hadn’t gone against God’s will. It’s not possible. What happens is the divine. It’s God’s will. Even going against my guidance was God’s will.

IT’S ALL TRUE

It’s not something I wish to repeat. It did create a lot of problems in my life. I did get off the track that felt deeply right for me. In some ways, it did ruin my life. I did go against my clear inner guidance. And yet, I did not go against God’s will.

All of this has validity.

The conventional view is true. And it’s true that I didn’t go against God’s will.

FINDING COMPASSION FOR MYSELF

I also find gifts in this.

I got to experience what happens when I go against my inner guidance on a major life decision. (It’s the same that happens when I go against it on smaller decisions, it’s just that it has a bigger impact on my life.)

I got humbled and humanized.

I got to see that it’s possible to recover from this. It’s possible to again follow my inner guidance and get my life back on what feels more deeply as a right track. (I am still in that process.)

I find compassion for myself. Yes, I made a mistake in a conventional sense. Yes, I did it from unprocessed issues. (Passed on possibly for generations.) Yes, it had consequences. And that is very understandable. I was caught up in issues. I didn’t have the outer and inner resources to make a better decision. How is it to meet that with kindness? How is it to meet what comes up in me around this with kindness?

More than that, it’s very human. I got to experience something very human.

And would I have done it differently if I could have? Yes.

The world in me

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There are – at least – two ways the world is in me.

And I can find both here and now in my own direct experience.

FINDING A PART OF ME THAT MIRRORS WHAT I SEE IN THE WORLD

If someone asks me if I feel or experience something, I almost always can find it and say “yes”. (And in the past, before I learned to not assume that everyone understands this, that has gotten me in trouble.)

Why is that?

It’s because I find that my psychology has innumerable parts. Whatever I see in the world, I can find in myself here and now.

There is always one part of me that has the characteristics I see out there. There is always one part that right now is experiencing what I see out there. It may not be very strong but it’s there, and it’s there at the very least as a potential.

I discovered this first in my teens, and since then daily and over and over.

And it also makes sense. If I imagine a characteristic or experience in someone else, it’s because I can connect with it in myself here and now. I am already connecting with it as soon as I imagine it in others.

Sometimes, what I see out in the world may be somewhat unfamiliar to me. I am not used to finding it in myself, and then the exploration may have to be a bit more thorough and detailed. Sometimes supported by a form of structured inquiry like The Work of Byron Katie or the Kiloby Inquiries.

So the world mirrors me. I can find what I can see in the world in me here and now.

THE WORLD IN ME

There is also another way I can find the world in me. And that is to see that the world is literally in me.

In one sense, I am a human being in the world. That’s not wrong. And when I look more closely, I find I more fundamentally – in my own first-person experience – am something else. I find I am what the world, to me, happens within and as.

I can also find this by examining my sense fields. I notice what’s in each sense field. (E.g. sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.) I notice that any experience happens within one or more sense fields. (And that the sense fields are all one, the distinction between them happens only in my mental field.) I find that the world, to me, happens within and as the sense fields. I find that the world, to me, happens within and as what I am.

Said another way, and a little more from the logic side, to myself I am consciousness. If I think “I have consciousness” it means that to myself, I am consciousness. And that also means that the world, to me, happens within and as consciousness. It happens within and as what I am. It happens within and as the oneness I am.

When someone says “I am not in the world, the world is in me” or talks about “oneness”, then that’s something I don’t need to take anyone’s word for. I can find it here and now in my own direct noticing.

THE EFFECTS OF NOTICING THIS

This is about noticing what’s already here. Nothing needs to be fabricated. We don’t need to tell ourselves any stories about it, or rely on or trust those stories. We can find it here and now.

Our imagination may tell us we are separate. We may have images of ourselves as separate, and those images are inherited from our parents, teachers, and ultimately the culture we live within. We are told we are separate, and that we most fundamentally are this human self, so in our innocence and from our kind heart, we take it on. We do as others do. We learn to pretend that’s how it is.

And that has consequences. We naturally feel somewhat isolated, alone, separate from others, perhaps separate from our body and nature, we learn to be defensive, and so on.

Noticing that the world is in me, in the two ways mentioned above, and noticing it here and now, also has consequences.

Using the world as a mirror helps me get in touch with more of the natural richness I am. It opens up for recognizing in myself what I see in others in more situations, and that opens for a natural empathy.

Finding the world in me helps me see I am not most fundamentally this human self. It helps me relate to any content of experience a little more consciously. It helps me live a little more from this noticing and from the oneness I am.

Mostly, this noticing is a kind of seed and who knows what comes out of it. There are no formulas here. It’s an adventure. It’s something parts of us already and naturally are curious about and even fascinated by.

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Holding onto overly simplistic views for safety

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It’s quite common for folks who get into healing and spirituality to hold onto simplistic views for safety.

We hold onto it to try to find some distance from the discomfort we are experiencing, created by deeper, more visceral, and stressful beliefs and identities.

PHYSICAL HEALTH AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES

One of these simplistic ideas is that our physical health challenges are created by our emotional issues.

I have this illness, so it must be created by an emotional issue. Working on that issue is the answer.

The reality is often far more complex. What happens locally is the result of movements within the larger whole. The small things we think we grasp are drops in the bucket of what’s actually going on. Innumerable things influence our health and our emotional issues are just one of those.

Yes, it makes sense to explore that aspect of it and see what happens. Most of the time, it won’t hurt, and it may help.

And it also makes sense to recognize that innumerable factors influence our health. Our health is an expression of what’s happening in far larger and more complex systems.

HOLDING ONTO SIMPLISTIC VIEWS FOR SAFETY

Holding onto views, identities, and stories for safety is inherently stressful.

I find it helpful to identify these and explore them.

What is the story? And some underlying and supporting stories?

What do I hope to get out of holding onto it? A sense of safety? Predictability? Having answers?

What happens when I hold onto it? In this case, do I overly narrow my options for how to explore and view my own health? Do I apply it to others and tell them their physical health issues are held in place by emotional issues? How does it impact my relationship with myself and others?

What’s the genuine validity in the reversals? Is it true that my physical health may have other causes as well? Or that the main cause could be something else?

How would it be to hold the initial story more lightly? How would it be to explore the emotional components and see what happens? And also explore other avenues? (Including finding more peace with my health and body as it is?)

WE ALL DO IT

In one way or another, we all hold onto overly simplistic views for safety. It’s what we humans seem to do, at least so far.

And, in reality, any view, identity, and story are overly simplistic.

Any mental representation is different in kind from what they are about. (Unless they happen to be about mental representations.) The terrain is always different from and far more than any map.

What we think we grasp is a tiny part of what’s there, no matter what it’s about.

And what we think we grasp tends to change over time. It’s provisional. It’s not final or absolute.

Noticing our nature while holding onto images for safety

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At some point in the awakening process, we may find ourselves in a kind of in-between state.

We notice our nature directly, at least when we pay attention to it.

And we also still hold onto some ideas about what we are and identify as these.

THE BACKGROUND

To ourselves, we are consciousness and the world to us happens within and as that consciousness.

We are oneness and the world, to us, happens within and as that oneness.

This oneness learns that it is this human self happening within itself. It’s this human self that it can only see in the mirror or in photos and videos, can only see partially directly, that others and our passport say we are, and that it senses and lives in the world through. This is how most onenesses operate.

At some point, this oneness may become curious about its nature. It may intuit itself as oneness and consciousness. It may have glimpses of itself as that. It may learn how to notice its nature, and to do so more often through daily life.

NOTICING AND HOLDING ONTO IMAGES OF ITS NATURE

At this point, it will often both notice directly its nature, at least when bringing attention there. And it will create and hold onto some mental representations of its nature.

These may be mental representations of oneness, void, capacity, love, consciousness, and so on. And perhaps even Big Mind, Brahman, Spirit, and more.

IT’S NATURAL

This is a natural part of the process. It’s innocent. There is nothing inherently wrong with it.

The oneness we are is used to holding onto mental representations of who or what it is. It’s what it has learned from others. It’s how it finds a sense of safety, although it also brings friction with reality.

Also, when it discovers its nature, it can feel like a treasure and vitally important, so it tries to remember and hold onto it by creating and holding onto mental representations of it and even identifying as these mental representations.

This too comes with inherent discomfort. It’s something we feel we need to remember, rehearse, and even defend. And that’s a motivation to explore further and find a bit more clarity.

SOME WAYS TO EXPLORE THIS

What are some ways to explore this?

We may need some structured guidance, and here are a few I find useful:

Headless experiments help me notice my nature as capacity and what the world, to me, happens within and as. Here, it’s easier to notice the contrast between a direct noticing and my mental representations of what’s noticed.

Kiloby Inquiries helps me explore any identifications still in my system, including of capacity, oneness, love, and all the other identifications we may create for ourselves.

And the same goes for The Work of Byron Katie. This too helps me identify and explore any ideas I have of what I am.

A SPECIAL CASE OF AN UNIVERSAL DYNAMIC

As suggested above, this is a special case of something much more universal.

The oneness we are notices its nature. It recognizes itself as all it knows. To the oneness we are, the world happens within and as itself.

And it will still, very likely, hold onto a variety of mental representations of who and what it is. It will, at least to some extent, identify as these.

As mentioned, this happens out of old habits and because it feels safe. It’s a natural part of the process. And it comes with discomfort which is an invitation to explore what’s going on and find a bit more clarity around it.

What are some of these mental representations? They typically include a wide range of relatively universal ones. For instance: Gender. Nationality. Political orientations. A sense of lack and not being good enough. A sense of separation. All sorts of shoulds about ourselves, others, and life. And so on.

These are not necessarily wiped out by our nature recognizing itself. Usually, they remain in our system.

And that’s part of the process and adventure.

They are inherently uncomfortable, so we are invited to explore what’s going on, find a bit more clarity around it, and shift how we relate to it.

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From seeing to visceral

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For some years, inquiry was the center of my focus and something I did daily, whether it was The Work of Byron Katie, the Kiloby (Living) Inquiries, the Big Mind process, or just old-fashioned Buddhist sense field exploration inquiry. (This was mostly from around 2000 to 2018.)

I’ll still do more formal inquiry when I am drawn to it, but my focus these days is more on direct noticing and energy healing.

And I also notice a shift. For instance, when I did The Work on a topic in the past, it was sometimes a seeing of what was more true for me a certain topic, and my visceral experience hadn’t quite caught up. These days, I more often notice the visceral experience.

I imagine it may be more of my system catching up to the seeing, and it happens and deepens over time.

For instance, I saw the “I know everyone loves me, I just don’t expect them to realize it” quote from Byron Katie this morning, and I notice it resonates viscerally with me. Not with all of me since there are still psychological parts that don’t realize it, but more of me get it viscerally. The overall experience is of getting it more viscerally. When I first saw that quote many years ago, I remember seeing the truth of it but not getting it so viscerally.

And, of course, there is always further to go. There is a lot I haven’t examined yet, and there are many parts of me that have not caught up with the seeing.

I am my own final authority

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I find that I am my own final authority, and it’s always that way whether I notice it or not.

CHOICES AND ACTIONS

In terms of my actions and choices, I am my own final authority.

I may tell myself I am doing something because of circumstances, or someone told me, or I was forced to, and so on. And, in reality, I am the one making the decisions. Nobody makes them for me.

Even if I think I did it because others told me to, or because of circumstances, or because I was forced, I was still the one making the decision.

NOTICING MY NATURE

Similarly, when it comes to what I more fundamentally am, I am my own final authority.

Others can tell me. I can read things in books. I can make up any number of worldviews and maps telling me different things.

And I am my own final authority. My own noticing is my own final authority.

What do I find if I set aside what I have been told, and what I am telling myself?

What am I more fundamentally?

What am I in my own direct noticing? What am I when I look in my first-person experience?

A LIBERATING REMINDER

I find it’s liberating to notice I am my own final authority.

I don’t need to get too caught up in blaming circumstances, others, life, and so on for my own choices and actions. I did it. I chose it.

And I don’t need to get too caught up in what others tell me my more fundamental nature is supposed to be. I can look for myself.

GUIDES FOR FINDING IT FOR OURSELVES

How do I discover and clarify this for myself?

For me, different forms of inquiry have been very helpful.

The Work of Byron Katie really brings it home to me that I am my own final authority in my choices and actions.

And the Big Mind process and Headless experiments, along with the Kiloby/Living inquiries and The Work, help me notice and explore living from my more fundamental nature.

Synchronicity: Losing my wallet

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Eleven years ago, I went to Findhorn for an inquiry workshop on money.

The workshop was led by two experienced facilitators in The Work of Byron Katie which I was deeply immersed in at the time. And I went partly as an excuse to experience Findhorn, a place I had heard and read about since my teens, and partly because it was an opportunity to do inquiry with others.

Findhorn is an intentional eco-community that developed in the 70s and 80s and it has a near-mythological status among many in the new age and eco-community world. I loved being there and hope to visit again.

To get there, I flew to Inverness and then took the train to the closest train station to Findhorn where I was picked up by the small Findhorn buss. At Findhorn, I met one of the workshop holders, signed in, and as I was about to pay, I discovered that my wallet was gone. This was quite stressful for me since I was traveling and had my money and credit cards there.

The facilitator gave me excellent advice: Before doing anything else, sit down and put all your stressful thoughts on paper. As I was about to finish this list, the bus returned to Findhorn from another run. I looked under the seat I had used, and found my wallet hung up on some of the metal under the chair. (It was placed so it was safe from others, and only I – who knew where to look – would have found it.)

I spent the workshop doing inquiry mostly on the juicy stressful thoughts on that list.

For me, this was a beautiful synchronicity. I lost my wallet just as I was arriving to an inquiry workshop on money. I wrote down my real and juicy stressful thoughts about losing the wallet and my money. And I got to use that as food for the workshop.