Almost everything I write here seems too obvious and banal to me.
And that tells me a few things.
If I stretch myself more when I explore these topics, it may feel more meaningful to me.
The voice saying “it’s too banal” reflects an issue in me.
And since I sometimes experience it as “I see it as banal”, it shows me that I have some identification with this part of me.
THE REALITY & SOME REMEDIES
The conscious response to this isn’t too difficult to find.
Yes, I can of course stretch myself more. I can go beyond what’s familiar if just a bit each time.
What I write will be obvious and banal to some, and not to others. It will resonate with some and not others.
And in any case, I can find a way to explore and write that benefits me. That’s what makes it the most meaningful to me.
My question for me is: How can I explore these topics in a way that’s more alive and meaningful for me? How can I write about it in a way that’s juicy and resonates more?
One answer is to be a little bit more honest and transparent each time I write, and also to engage more systematically in quiet exploration before writing, going a bit beyond what’s already familiar to me.
Another question is: What are the emotional issues behind this? What do I find when I explore it? How would my perception and life change if there is some release around this?
And why don’t I stretch myself more? What’s the fear?
The essence of near all the articles here is something that’s been very familiar to me since my teens. It was already revealed to me during the initial opening or awakening movement when I was fifteen and sixteen years old. It’s been familiar to me since. So that’s one reason all of this feels a bit too familiar and, in a sense, obvious and banal. (Of course, there has been some movement, and I have read a lot since and learned and explored different more structured approaches.)
At the same time, I have an issue about not being good enough. As a kid, I often experienced being mocked or rejected when I spoke up in or outside of class. I was a nerd and usually knew the answers to the teacher’s questions, and sometimes far more from all the reading I did on my own. I learned that if I spoke up, it wouldn’t be good for me socially. So I learned to hide and not speak up.
These two patterns have stayed with me, to some extent. When I have explored spiritual groups and I have spoken up from my own experience, I have often been met with dismissal. The rare times I speak up (in real life or online), I tend to shed light on something from a slightly unusual perspective for the group, and it’s met with dismissal and in a patronizing way as if I don’t even get the basics. In general, I very rarely speak about any of the things I write about here, and I keep this blog anonymous. Most people in my life don’t even know I am interested in these things. (Or they only know I am interested in one particular approach and not the rest.)
What are some of the beliefs and identities behind this? The obvious is that I am not good enough. It’s safer to stay hidden. It’s dangerous to speak up. It’s dangerous to be visible.
And here are some surface thoughts that come from this issue ball: This is too obvious. It’s naive. It’s banal. Others know far more than me. Others can express this far better than me. (And that means I don’t need to. It’s better if I don’t speak up about this.)
To protect me from being dismissed, I dismiss myself and what I have to share before anyone else does it.
Synchronicity: As I wrote “It’s dangerous to be visible”, Michael Jackson sang “there is no danger”. (From “Another part of me”.)
BEFRIEND AND WAKE UP
I am exploring this using the befriend & wake up approach.
I invite in the “It’s banal” contraction.
I notice the contractions in my body – in the face, throat, chest, and belly.
I feel the sensations. Notice the (endless) space they are happening within.
You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me.
I repeat this a few times until I notice a shift. Some of the tension falls away. There is more of a befriending.
I stay with this for a while and occasionally repeat:
You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. I love you.
I notice it’s all happening within and as I am. The contraction too is the divine. It’s the divine temporarily taking that form. It’s the divine wishing to experience itself as that too.
I ask what the contraction wishes for. What are its needs and wants? What’s the sense of lack?
I notice it needs support. (And remember I didn’t experience support from anyone during the difficult childhood situations I mentioned above.) I stay with this. I notice the contraction is receiving support.
I stay with this for a while.
I notice a mix of what can be labeled anger, sadness, frustration, hopelessness, and more within this contraction.
I thank life for giving this to me. For organizing itself in this way here.
I again notice it’s happening within and as what I am. It has the same nature as everything else in my world.
I stay with this. I allow it to reorganize and realign within this noticing.
OTHER WAYS TO EXPLORE IT
There are many other ways to explore this.
I can use ho’oponopono for this contraction, and for me having lived with it for so long.
I can use tonglen for myself having lived with this contraction, and the limitations it has created.
I can explore painful beliefs within and related to the contraction, and underlying and more essential beliefs. I can identify them using a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and investigate through the four questions of The Work of Byron Katie.
I can explore any identifications, fears, and compulsions inherent in it using Living Inquiries. I can invite the “glue” holding certain sensations and painful stories together to relax and soften.
I can dialog with this part of me, and related parts of me using Voice Dialog and the Big Mind process.
I can invite the issue to heal and wake up using Vortex Healing.
I can intentionally do the opposite of what this issue tells me to do, and see what comes up in me and how it goes. Read More