Tag: victim

Addressing the polarities inherent in any emotional issue

moe Leave a comment

If we want to be thorough in exploring an emotional issue, we need to address both ends of the polarity it belongs to.

THE POLARITY

For instance, if we explore the victim part of us, we also need to explore the victimizer in us. They are both parts of the same dynamic and create and reinforce each other. If we only address one, we leave an important part of the dynamic out, and this holds some of the issue in place.

Both ends of the polarity are already in us, so if we want to explore an issue more thoroughly, we need to address both ends of the polarity and the dynamic between them.

SOME OF THE WAYS WE HAVE BOTH IN US

In what way do we have both in us?

I’ll take the victim-victimizer dynamic as an example.

We have victim thoughts like “poor me”, “life is unfair”, and these are also the victimizer thoughts. These thoughts, when held as true, create a sense of being victim.

I can find how I victimize myself when I engage in and fuel those kinds of thoughts. When I tell myself stories making me into a victim, I am the victimizer in that moment.

I can dialog with the victim and victimizer parts of me and get to know them. I can find both in me.

I can find several specific examples of how I have acted in ways that triggered a sense of victim in others.

I can take any story I have about victimizers in the world, turn it back to myself, and find specific examples of how it’s true.

The story of victim and victimizer is a story. It’s not inherent in the world. Both stories are in me. They are part of the mental representations I put on top of the world. (Which doesn’t condone victimization!)

I can find that I am what my field of experience happens within and as, and that includes any and all victims and victimizers I have ever know about. It’s all within what I am.

HOW CAN WE EXPLORE BOTH ENDS OF THE POLARITY?

In general, we can do it using whatever approach we are familiar with and works for us.

For me, I tend to do it through….

Dialog with each of these parts of me and getting to know them, how they see the world, how they see me and how I relate to them, how they see each other, what advice they have for me, and so on.

Inquiry into both ends of the polarity, whether I use The Work of Byron Katie or Living Inquiries.

Energy work for both ends of the polarity, in my case using Vortex Healing.

Connecting with the energy of one and then the other. Notice and allow. Notice they have the same true nature as myself. Allowing them to unfold and unravel, and align more with reality.

A FEW MORE WORDS ABOUT THE DYNAMIC

I’ll say a few more things about the dynamic.

We often identify with one end of these polarities and don’t recognize the other in us, and this is part of what creates and holds the issue in place. We may see one end in us and the other end out in the world, so we overlook the importance of addressing how both operate in us.

Our culture sometimes reinforce issues for that reason. Other people and stories in the culture often reinforce the idea that one end of the polarity is out there and the other is in here, so we don’t get the chance to explore both in ourselves – which is where the solution is.

Both ends of the polarity are needed within us to maintain the issue. Without an inner victimizer, we couldn’t feel like a victim. They depend on each other.

If we only address one, the other end will still be here in us, and that will tend to recreate the issue.

Often, we are aware of the other end of the polarity in us without recognizing it for what it is. For instance, we be aware of the thought “life is unfair” and believe it and feel like a victim. What we may not initially recognize is that this thought, when it’s believed, is what creates the sense of victimhood. It’s not only the thought of a victim, it’s also the victimizer thought. It’s the thought creating a sense of victim in me. When I engage in it, I make myself a victim. It’s innocent and normal, and good to notice.

Projection work, inquiry, and inner dialog are often good ways to find both ends of the polarity in us, especially if we are willing to look at anything – any situation and story – that has a charge for us.

These polarities in us are here to protect us. They were the best way our mind knew how to protect us in a situation in the past, and often early in life. They may be confused and misguided, from our adult perspective, and at the same time come from desire to protect us and kindness and love. In a very real sense, they are confused love.

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Own inquiry on the victim

moe Leave a comment

These are my notes on exploring how my mind creates its experience of the victim, using the Living Inquiries which is inspired by traditional Buddhist inquiry. I wrote it as I went along, in order to capture it more accurately.

EXPLORING HOW MY MIND CREATES ITS EXPERIENCE OF THE VICTIM

Where do you find the victim?

I see an image of myself sitting here, and I also notice some sensations.

Look at the image. Is that the victim?

Yes, it feels like it.

Feel those sensations.

Where do you feel it?

A tightness in my belly, chest, throat. In the front, the outer layer of my body.

Feel the sensations. Allow them to be as they are. Notice the space they happen within.

Yes. [some time] I notice they feel familiar.

What’s your earliest memory of having that feeling?

I have many glimpses from childhood, only a few clear ones. I think I must have felt it early in life, when my parents accused me of doing something I hadn’t, or when I didn’t get what I wanted, or felt treated unfairly.

Can you remember one instance?

I am in the living room, playing with lego (or toy cars). My mother is in the kitchen and drops something that breaks. She screams it’s my fault, even if I am just playing on my own in another room. I am maybe three years old.

Look at that image. Is that the victim?

Yes, it feels that way.

Feel those sensations. Notice where they are in the body. Allow them to be as they are. Notice the space they happen within.

I feel a soft contraction in the throat and solar plexus, and the other sensations are there too although a little less. [taking time with this]

It feels very familiar, from childhood. There is a sadness there.

I have the thought: I am unloved.

Keep feeling the sensation. Allowing. Noticing. Notice the space.

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Own dialog: The inner victim & victimizer

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Q: So you [the victimizer] are not that different from the victim?

A: In that sense, we are not different. The victim thoughts are the victimizer thoughts. The thoughts that appear as the thoughts of the victim, are the thoughts creating a sense of victim.

The following is an inner dialog with the victim and victimizer parts of me.

DIALOG WITH THE VICTIM

Can I speak with the victim?

Yes.

I would like to get to know you.

Thank you. Not many take an interest in me. I feel overlooked.

You are a victim of people not wanting to get to know you?

Yes. That too.

How does P. relate to you?

He is sometimes interested in me. But he really would like me to not be here. And he sometimes gets identified with me and speaks as if he was me.

What can he do differently?

He can be more here for me. Be with me. Notice me. Guide me. He can help me.

What is not so helpful?

When he gets caught up in me, it’s not so helpful. He becomes me, and that doesn’t help him or me. For me, it’s just what I already am familiar with. And for him, it’s blinding and creates suffering.

What is helpful?

When he is with me, with respect, kindness, patience, gentle curiosity. When he genuinely want to get to know me, listen to me.

What are you?

I am a part of his system. An energy. I am created by how he responds to certain situations, when he feels like a victim. I am created from certain thoughts held as true.

What is your function?

Good question. I am not exactly sure. I imagine I am here to help him. For him to avoid repeating certain situations, and go inward and examine situations to learn from them. My presence can also help him find his own strength, autonomy, and the opposite of what I represent.

What’s your relationship with the victimizer?

I am created by the victimizer. And the victimizer wouldn’t exist without me. We create each other.

Where is the victimizer?

It’s within P. A situation trigger a sense of victimhood in him, it brings activity to me. And what activates me is his inner victimizer. He is victimizing himself through how he responds to certain situations.

Does he recognize that?

To some extent, but not fully. There is more for him to notice and acknowledge there.

What role do you play in his life?

It varies a lot. He has had periods where I haven’t been very active, where he puts me aside because it doesn’t fit who he wants to be. And he has periods where I am more present, and come up more strongly now and then. He does sometimes dive into me when things feel difficult for him, especially when his health and energy levels are not so strong.

What happens when you are more present in his life?

He becomes a victim, he takes on my role. He perceives, thinks, feels, and lives as if he is a victim. It doesn’t feel good for him, and it can create problems for him. He overlooks better solutions.

What advice do you have for him?

Bring light into me. Bring your awareness into me. Get to know me. Examine what happens when you identify with me. Get in the habit of noticing me and being with me when I am more activated without identifying with me. Recognize me as a part of you.

Get to know the victimizer-victim dynamic in yourself. And use me to find and build the reverse of what I am. Fuel your strength, confidence, and autonomy.

You sound selfless?

Yes, I am here for him. That’s my purpose. I want what’s best for him.

DIALOG WITH THE VICTIMIZER

Can I speak with the victimizer?

Yes.

Who are you?

I am the victimizer. I am the part of P. he uses to victimize himself.

That doesn’t sound so good?

That’s how many people see it. I am an often overlooked part of most people. Most don’t want to acknowledge me. But I have an important function.

What is that function?

I help create the victimizer-victim experience. Without me, it wouldn’t be here.

Wouldn’t many see that as a good thing?

Yes. Although there is anther side. I have a function. I am here. I was created through evolution.

I am what anyone who takes him/her/itself to be fundamentally separate would experience now and then. I am part of the separation experience.

You are part of lila?

Yes, I am part of the dance of life, the divine, and the creativity of the mind. I am part of what happens when the mind and life takes itself to fundamentally be separate and a separate being.

How does P. relate to you?

He is curious about me and want to know more about me. He wants to get to know me.

At the same time, he feels shame about me. Right now, he had a flash where he asked himself if he really wanted to post this dialog or not.

Why does he want to get to know you?

He sees that his own victimizer-victim dynamic is not as conscious as he would like, and this sometimes creates problems and discomfort for him. Life has set up situations for him which has brought him to me.

How can he get to know you?

This is a good step.

Also, whenever he notices the victim activated in him, he can look for me. I am always here when the victim is activated. I am the one in him activating the victim. He can notice the energy of me, and also the thoughts and beliefs creating me.

The thoughts he takes as victim-thoughts are really victimizer thoughts. That’s how the victim-sense is created.

That seems important?

Yes, that’s something for him to notice and explore more. Whenever he has victim-type thoughts, he can notice that these are actually victimizer thoughts. It’s how the victim is activated, and it is how the mind is creating a victim experience for itself.

So you are not that different from the victim?

In that sense, we are not different. The victim thoughts are the victimizer thoughts. The thoughts that appear as the thoughts of the victim, are the thoughts creating a sense of victim.

What are some examples?

Poor me -> This is the thoughts of the victim. And they are also the thoughts of me, the inner victimizer, since they create a sense of victimhood. (When they are held as true, that is. If they are not held as true, they are just questions and don’t create this dynamic.)

My life is terrible -> Again, this looks like the thoughts of a victim. And they are, more honestly, the thoughts of the inner victimizer. They are the thoughts that, when believed, creates a sense of victimhood.

I don’t deserve this -> Yes, this too appears as the thought of a victim, while it’s as or more true that it’s the thoughts of the inner victimizer (when believed).

ENDING WITH VICTIM AND VICTIMIZER

Thank you both – victim and victimizer <3

Thank you! Always happy for you to explore us and get to know us a little better.

Before we end this conversation – anything more you want P. to know?

Yes, we are here for him.

We are here to create and flesh out the separation consciousness experience.

And we are here at his service when he wants to get to know us better. Any time he wants to explore us, we are here for him.

POSTSCRIPT

This helped me see more clearly how the victim and victimizer thoughts often (always?) are the same.

I want to see if I can notice this whenever victim thoughts appear in the next while.

Even if it wasn’t an explicit part of this dialog, I also see that any thought held as true holds within it the seed of the victimizer-victim dynamic. Holding a thought as true creates a sense of separation and being a separate self, and a separate self can be a victim.

Through this dialog, I found a genuine appreciation and love for these parts of me. They are here innocently, to create an experience, and they are here for me to get to know them.

And, yes, I am going to make this public even if I had that fleeting thought of not doing it. I had a flash image of people judging me for having an inner victimizer and talking openly about it, and then see that this is universal, innocent, and can be helpful to more than me.

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Byron Katie: The mind establishes itself as a victim

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The mind establishes itself as a victim only to get what it doesn’t want.

– Byron Katie

Why does the mind establish itself as a victim?

At one level, it’s a way to try to protect the self. It’s the mind’s reaction to fear that’s unloved and unexamined.

Apart from that, what do I find I want to get from taking myself to be a victim? To answer that, I am looking at a specific situation, and I find…. I hope for sympathy. Allies. Support. Love. I hope taking myself as a victim will help protect me, including through being prepared for future victimization. I wish to not be surprised by life again so I victimize myself before life does it.

What does Byron Katie mean when she says “only to get what it doesn’t want”? What is it about all of this that I doesn’t want?

I find that I don’t ultimately want sympathy, support, etc. from others. What I really want is to give it to myself, and if it comes from others as well that’s a bonus.

What about protection? When I look, I see that protection is ultimately not possible. I would rather be open to life. (While being a good steward of my life in all the ordinary ways.)

What about not being surprised by life? Life surprises me always anyway, and I know that anything can happen at any moment. Again, what I really want is to be open for it.

And victimizing myself to nip life’s victimization in the bud? I don’t really want to victimize myself, it’s not ultimately a comfortable position. Also, life doesn’t victimize, I do it to myself anyway. Here too, I would rather be open to life.

So yes, I can find that what I get and hope to get from victimizing myself is what I don’t really want.

What else do I get from victimizing myself? I get to feel like a victim of life and the world. I get to live in fear. I get whatever reactions I get from others when I present myself as a victim – from pity to unsolicited advice to avoidance. (None of which I really want.)

How is it true that I am not a victim? The idea of victim is our human idea, it’s not inherent in life. I make myself into a victim, and it’s all from an idea. In my specific situation, I still have a lot of freedom in how I relate to situations and live my life. I have tools to work with beliefs and emotional issues.

How is it true I am a victimizer (opposite of victim)? I victimize myself. I make myself into a victim, in my own mind. Also, I am sure I have acted in ways so others saw themselves as a victim. (When I act on fear, and when I am absorbed in my own issues so I lack concern for others.) I can find specific situations.

By examining this, preferably much more thoroughly than I have done here, I get to see the idea of victim more clearly. I get to see it’s something I create for myself. I victimize myself. There is no victim in herent anywhere in life. And what I hope to get from it are things I ultimately don’t want.

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Victim and victimizer

moe Leave a comment

I am briefly revisiting this topic:

When we explore identities, it’s helpful to explore both ends of the polarity.

For instance, if we have chronic and bothersome issues in our lives, we may also have a victim identity connected with it. It’s helpful to explore this identity and perhaps find healing for it. At the same time, we have a victimizer part in us. We couldn’t have a victim part without the victimizer part. They depend on each other to exist, and they hold each other in place. If we only address the victim part, we only do half (or less) of the work and the release will be partial.

An example from my own life is the victim identity connected with the chronic fatigue (CFS). Yes, there is a victim identity and it’s helpful to inquire into it and invite healing and release for it (through inquiry, TRE, Vortex Healing etc.). But that’s less than half the picture. The rest is the internal victimizer that creates and holds the victim-identity in place. This one may be more difficult to notice since we tend to see it mostly “out there” in life, circumstances, or others. But it’s equally, or really, in here, in me. And that’s where I need to explore it if I wish to find more freedom around the whole victim-victimizer dynamic.

The freedom and relief that comes from this work makes it worth it in itself. And, who knows, it may even impact my physical health. The release may support my body in healing itself better. So it’s definitely worth the time and investment required to find some healing around this and many other identity-sets.

Note: When I have worked on my own internal victimizer using Vortex Healing, I have found it helpful to approach it from slightly different angles. For instance, intending to work on the victimizer, the bully, the self-cruelty, and more, one at a time.

Also, when I say that working on just one of the pair of parts or subpersonalities, it’s because there is the other half, and there is also the awareness and exploration of the dynamic within the pair. So if we work on just one of a pair, it’s less than half of what we need to explore to find a fuller release.

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Victim identity: A cry for attention and love

moe Leave a comment

For some of us, the victim identity can be very strong. The mind may even hold onto it as if it’s a matter of life and death.

Why is the need to hold onto something so painful so strong? What is the real need or wish within it? It must be something that our minds holds as very important. So important that it’s willing to create suffering for itself in the hopes of getting it.

To me, it seems that it comes from a deep need and wish for love and presence. For attention, understanding, comfort, love and presence. As long as that’s not met, the victim identification will continue to be fueled by the mind. In it’s trance, it may see it as the best or only way to get what it really needs and wants, which is that presence and love.

It works to some extent. When we go into victim identification, other people may give us some attention, understanding, and love. We may even have been trained by our parents that that’s how we get attention and love. And yet, it doesn’t really work. People may give it to us sometimes and not other times. And even if we get that presence and love from them, it’s not enough as long as we don’t give it to ourselves. We cannot truly take it in and experience it until we give it to ourselves.

So that’s the remedy. Our own presence and love is the remedy.

How do we give it to ourselves? There are a few different ways.

Natural rest. Notice and allow. Notice what’s here in experience and allow it. (Notice it’s already noticed and allowed.) Being present with it. This presence itself is a form of love.

Say “thank you for protecting me” to the part of us in pain. It’s here to protect us.

Say “I love you” to the part of us in pain. Say “you are allowed to be as you are”. Say “I am here with you and I love you”. Say “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.”. Say any one of these over and over until it becomes a felt experience.

Imagine ourselves, or the hurting part of us, sitting in front of us. Do tonglen. Visualize that person’s suffering as dark smoke and breathe it in on the inbreath. Breathe out light (love, presence) and into the other person on the outbreath. See the person light up. Repeat many times until you really and deeply feel it.

Examine stressful and painful stories and identities. Use inquiry. (The Work, Living Inquiries. Something else.) This is also a form of presence and love. It cannot be done if there isn’t presence. And it’s a loving attention and examination, which may also reveal love when the painful stories and identities are seen more clearly for what they are.

Take care of the body. Do something soothing. Take a bath. Eat nourishing food. Drink plenty of water. Go for a walk. Be in nature. Be kind to yourself. Do yoga, tai chi, chi gong, Breema, TRE. (All of which are forms of presence and love.)

These are all ways we can shift how we relate to those parts of ourselves in pain. If we suffer, it’s because we tend to avoid or try to push these parts away. They are like animals or children who are ignored, avoided, struggled with, or even bullied. No wonder they suffer and are in pain. No wonder they cry out for our presence and love.

When we meet them in presence and love, they feel seen and honored and can relax. This takes time. We need to stay with it for a while. We need to return to it frequently, especially if these parts of us are used to being ignored or struggled with. An animal or child whose needs have been neglected needs time to learn to trust and relax, and that’s how it also is with these parts of ourselves. Giving our presence and love means giving of our time.

As mentioned above, one way to meet them in presence and love is through inquiry. Inquiry is a form of love. The process of inquiry is a process of presence and kind attention. And the outcome is that we see that what we thought was so solid and real (and painful) may not really be so solid and real. What’s more real and true is also more kind.

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Victim identity

moe 2 Comments

The last few years, it seems that life has made an extra effort to set up situations where my victim identity comes to the surface. (Illness, loss of relationships, loss of house, loss of friends, feeling alone and unsupported, fear of the future etc.)

It’s easy to tell myself life is doing it so the victim identification can be resolved in me. It’s life squeezing what’s left out of me (as Adya said would happen). It’s easy to tell myself these stories, although I see that I am the one who wants it to be resolved in me. I am the one squeezing what’s left out of me. And I see how I contribute to create these situations.

Life sets it up —> I set it up.

Life wants me to…. —> I want me to….

That’s more true for me, and I can find specific examples of how each is true.

The victim identity alone is images and words. Add associated sensations (velcro), and there is identification. The identity seems more solid and real, and it seems what I am.

At times, the identification is activated and seems solid, real, and what I am. And other times, it may be in the background while still influencing how I perceive and live in the world, and it’s also partially dormant waiting to be triggered and brought to life again by my mind.

So how can it be resolved? I know some ways that doesn’t seem to bring resolution: Ignoring it, trying to push it away, denying it, distracting myself from it, making myself feel good temporarily.

What are some other ways?

Notice and allow. Notice images, words, sensations. Allow. Notice they are already allowed.

Find love for it. Find kindness and love for the victim me, for the images, words, and sensations, for the victim me in the past. Perhaps use ho’oponopono, or loving kindness, or tonglen. Scan back in time, find times where the victim identity came up, and find love and kindness for myself then.

Inquire into it. Can I find the victim me? Can I find the threat? Can I find a command to be a victim, or not be a victim? What’s the worst that can happen if I am a victim? If I am not? When do I remember first feeling like a victim? Can I find the victim me in those memories? Can I find the threat there? A command to be a victim, or not be a victim?

Include the body. Use therapeutic tremors (Tension and Trauma Release Exercises, TRE). Bring the victim identity, and the situations triggering it, to mind while trembling. Go for walks, eat well, spend time in nature, do yoga (Tai Chi, Chi Gong, Breema etc.) as a support for my life, and for finding love for the victim identity and doing inquiry on it.

Ask for support. Ask life (God, Spirit) for support. Ask friends and family for support, if that seems appropriate. Ask people with helpful skills for support through facilitating inquiry and whatever else may support resolution.

What do I mean with resolution? It doesn’t mean making it go away. It does mean inviting in a shift in how I relate to it – the victim identity, identification, and anything else coming up around it.

It means notice and allow.

Finding love and kindness towards it. (Including from seeing that the victim identification is innocent, and comes from a wish to protect the me. It comes from love and kindness. It’s worried love.)

Inquire into it, to see what’s already there. See how the mind creates the victim identity and identification. See any associated images, words, and sensations.

It means treating it – the victim identity, identification, and anything associated with it – with respect. It’s there for a reason. When I see it’s there to protect me, it comes from love, it’s innocent, then it’s natural to find respect for it.

It means seeing that it really, honestly, doesn’t need to go away. When I find kindness and love for it, when I see it’s from love, when I see how the mind creates the victim identity and identification, then I also see it really doesn’t need to go away.

When I see the images as images, words as words, and sensations as sensations, and take time to feel the sensations as sensations, then I see it’s all OK. It’s all innocent. It’s all OK as is. It really, truly, doesn’t need to go away.

Also, when it doesn’t control me or my life anymore, it’s clear it doesn’t need to go away.

Similarly, when it finds it’s own liberation, it doesn’t need to act as strongly to get my attention. When it finds it’s own liberation from being mistreated, vilified, and pushed away by me, it naturally tends to quiet down, and it’s clear it doesn’t need to go away.

As always, knowing this can be helpful. It’s a first step. Even knowing it from previous experience, from a memory, is a first step. It’s like having a menu, or medicine in your hand. And what matters is actually applying it. Actually doing it. Actually ordering the food and eating it. Actually taking the medicine. And doing it wholeheartedly. Doing it thoroughly.

I see that the victim identity is quite central to my deficiency stories. Perhaps it’s like that for most of us. As soon as there is identification, the victim identification is set up to come alive. Even when we construct elaborate ways to deal with it, it may still be there underneath.

Our ways to deal with the victim identification may include creating an identity as as strong, capable or independent. Nurturing supportive friends and family. Using our natural strengths such as intelligence, knowledge storage, friendliness. Creating a life that’s safe materially and in as many other ways we can. All of these are fine, and many are even ways to be a good steward of our life.

And yet, the victim identification may still be there, and when it comes to the surface it’s good to notice, and perhaps explore it a bit. Sometimes, it’s so much in our face that we don’t seem to have many other options than really taking it seriously.

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Inquiry on victim self

moe Leave a comment

Own inquiry on victim identity:

Look at the word “victim”. Is that word you, the victim? (Q1) Yes, I feel it in my throat and chest.

Feel those sensations. Take your time.

Are there any images or words? I see a picture of me sitting here.

Look at that picture. Notice the space between you and the picture. Q1? Yes, I feel sadness.

Feel the sadness. Notice where you feel it. Drop into it. Allow it.

What is your first memory of feeling that feeling? I see a picture of me in London with my parents, exhausted at the end of the day. Angry. Sad. Tired. Despairing. (About 5 years old.)

Look at that picture. Q1? Yes. I feel it in my throat, face, chest, stomach.

Feel the sensations. Take your time.

(I am shortening a section here: An image of me sitting here. The word “victim”. Sensations in face. A surge of energy in face, throat area. Sensations in chest. Picture of me telling a friend a victim story. Sensations in face, throat, chest.)

Sensations in face. What do those sensations mean? I am a victim.

Look at those words, “I am a victim”. Q1? Yes, face.

Feel the sensations. Q1? No.

Look at the picture of you as a kid in London. Q1? (Slightly, face. Feel. Back to picture.) Q1? No.

(Rechecking words, images, until untriggerable and unfindable.)

Experientially, this leaves the victim identity without perceivable charge or stickiness (velcro). It feels more clear. I can still see the words and images, and perhaps feel some of the same sensations, but they don’t seem to make up a “victim” or a self that’s a victim. There is more freedom around this.

In general, it seems that a victim identity and identification happens as soon as there is identification at all. As soon as we take ourselves to be something, that something can be – and will be – the victim of X. Of life, others, ourselves. It’s good to look at.

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Craig Holliday: It is not until we are willing to take full responsibility for our lives

moe Leave a comment

It is not until we are willing to take full responsibility for our lives, will we be free, until then we will still be able to be a victim to the causes and conditions of this world and our ego. Through the act of claiming full responsibility, we become free and empowered to create our lives by choosing our reactions to this play, in doing so we live beyond the reactive nature of our minds, and become free in this world.

If we make this commitment, we must first be willing to put down all blame and judgement, and take total responsibility for our life as it is.

When we do this we discover how powerful we actually are, because we have taken all power from the victim consciousness of our egoic mind and claimed that power as our own autonomy.

– Craig Holliday

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Victim identity

moe Leave a comment

I seem to be in a process of cleaning out anything not aligned with reality and love, and as part of that the victim identity sometimes comes up very strongly.

Any image or thought that’s held as true creates identification as a victim, and some more obviously so than other. I am a victim of the world. And with that, there are additional stories. It’s hopeless. Life is against me. I can’t have what I want. I am unlovable. I am missing out. He has a better life than me. Nothing goes my way. I will be alone. 

Some things I do in addition to sometimes getting completely caught up in it:

Giving it all over to God. I give all – this body, mind, situation – over to you, God. 

Giving it to the heart flame. Placing my body-mind, and the victim identification, in the flame. Allowing the flame (clarity, love, non-identification) to burn away anything not like itself.

Identifying and inquiring into beliefs.

Inviting in natural strength, clarity, love. Natural strength is welcome here. 

Asking for deep healing and resolution. Asking for guidance. Show me the way. Let this find deep resolution and healing. 

Asking that this will be for the benefit of all beings. (Aligning myself with that intention.) Asking myself if it’s true that this is not already to the benefit of all beings. (Noticing I don’t know it’s not this way, noticing where I find examples of how it already is that way.)

Here are a couple of questions to help me see what’s really there:

What do I hope to get out of victim identification?

If I am a victim…. Others will love me, take care of me. I will get what I want. God will take care of me. God will love me. Life will give me what I want. I get to not take responsibility. I get to not look at my assumptions. I get to stay a child. Others will pay attention to me. I can manipulate others to get what I want.

What am I afraid would happen if it wasn’t there?

If the victim identification wasn’t here, what I fear the most is….. It would be unfamiliar. I wouldn’t know how to live. I wouldn’t get what I want. I wouldn’t be able to manipulate others. Others wouldn’t pay attention to me. They wouldn’t love me.

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