A conglomerate of thoughts anchored in sensations, and the accompanying emotional patterns, seems very real when not examined closely. There is obviously a separate I there.
But when examined, it falls apart.
Finite in time and space
I notice sights coming and going. Sounds coming and going. Smells and tastes coming and going. Sensations coming and going. Thoughts coming and going.
They are all finite in time and space.
Awareness… timeless and spaceless
Am I any of those? No. Something does not come and go. This awareness, that all of these happen within, does not come and go. If there is an “I” here, it is more this awareness than its content.
Content as awake emptiness itself
If so, where is the dividing line between I as awareness and this content, which somehow is less “I”? Can I find a dividing line anywhere?
Now, it seems that the content of awareness is no other than awareness itself.
There is this awake void, and forms happening within, to and as this awake void.
Sense of separate I as awake emptiness
And there is no separate I to be found anywhere. When I look for a separate I within form, I find thoughts associated with particular sensations, and a sense of a separate I in turn associated with those two. But in the very seeing of that, the whole sense of a separate I weakens. The air goes out of the balloon. It becomes transparent. That too is revealed as no other than awake emptiness.
Awake emptiness takes myriads of forms… all these sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, thoughts. And yes, even a sense of a separate I placed on thoughts associated with particular sensations. That too, is no other than awake emptiness. It has no substance. That too, is awake emptiness.
Seeing this, over and over, there is more familiarity with it. It comes more into the foreground. the sense of a separate I has less and less hold. The identification with it has no substantial anchor anymore.
Of course, writing this is mostly useless, other than as a report of what is alive in immediate awareness here and now. If I am looking for anything in particular, if I think I know what I am looking for and what I will find, it is boxed in.
To be free, receptive to what is really there, to really be a genuine exploration, there has to be an innocent curiosity…
What will i find? What is new this time? What surprises will there be? What is really alive, here and now?
One thought to “Examining conglomerates”
In the midst of reading this there was a whiff of an awareness of the Witness as one of the forms, as one of the experiences floating through awareness. Namaste