Inquiry: They should have it resolved.

They should have it resolved. (By now.)

  • True?
    Yes. They have had a long to work on it. They are adults. They are relatively bright people.
  • Sure?
    No. I don’t know what is best for me or them.
  • What happens when I believe that thought?
    • I get judgmental. I see myself as better than them. I experience a sense of separation, and loneliness.
    • See it in myself as well as them, and dislike the situation even more. Feel trapped. Hopeless. Frustrated.
    • See how there is reactivity and lack of maturity in relating to it, and experience shame and judgment towards myself.
    • When Did I first have that thought? Probably in my teens, when I became more aware of it and the possibility of working through those things.
    • How do I experience it in my body? I feel closed down. Heavy. Rigid. Hunched.
    • How do I treat them? I close down. Say as little as possible. Show my disapproval in silent and sometimes not so silent ways. Stay away as much as possible.
    • How do I treat myself? As someone who knows better. As someone powerless to do anything about it. As someone who just needs to be away from it as much as possible.
    • What am I not able to appreciate? Them. Me. Our relationship. Life. The gifts they bring in to my life. The many ways they support me.
    • Whose business am I in? Theirs. Not mine.
  • Who would I be without it?
    • Light. Clear. Able to appreciate them/me/life, and express that.
    • Able to see what is going on (according to my story about it), yet without reactiveness.
  • Turnarounds.
    • They should not have it resolved.
      • Well, they don’t so clearly yes. Whatever dynamics are at play has not led to it being resolved yet, as I see it.
      • It allows me to come up against my own limitations in terms of having things in general resolved, and this in particular. It humbles me, if I allow it. If I stay open to the experience, fully be with it, allow it to work on me. It allows me to mature, deepen as a human being.
      • It allows me to notice and work with this particular belief and stuck point of view.
    • I should have it resolved.
      • The advice is for myself. I am the ones who see it and want it resolved, not (necessarily) them. I am the one with the tools. I am the one with the interest.
    • I should not have it resolved.
      • Here too, the dynamics at play have not led it to be completely resolved, yet.
    • My thinking should have it resolved.
      • Well, that is one access point for resolving it, at least, by releasing identification with this initial belief, and related beliefs.

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