From realizing to being

A good reminder from Adya:

Realization, or unabiding awakening, requires nothing. It can happen to anyone at any time.

And being it, abiding awakening, requires everything. It requires giving up everything we thought we knew, everything we thought we were.

I like how Evelyn Underhill describes it in a similar way in her chapter on the dark night.

It certainly fits my experience. The initial realization came out of the blue, and it happened to a guy who had been a committed atheist since elementary school. It didn’t require anything: no faith, no prayer, no meditation, no practice of any sort. Everything was revealed as God – nature, culture, humans, feelings, thoughts, experiences. It as a selfless realization for a while, then it faded into a oneness state which lasted for ten years or so. A state with many insights, bliss, guidance, energy, where “everything” seemed to go well. In short, it was a honeymoon period, and I knew the grittiness had to be included too. Then came the phase where “everything” was required of me, and I am still in it. There is still more to wear off. Still something between what’s here and being it – whatever happens, the whole field of experience, as it is.

Of course, I “know” that what I am – the ground – is that which everything happens within and as. It allows everything as it is. I allow everything as is. It’s already that way. And that ground is what awakens to itself, becomes clear about itself, snaps itself out of the dream of being a someone, being anything within content of experience with the sense that something else is other. In my case, it has been an especially drawn out process it seems, but that’s part of the game. It may have been tougher for me for several reasons: The initial awakening came with a lot of pleasant side-effects, and it has been difficult to let go of it – letting go of seeing it as inherently better than any other experience. I didn’t have good guidance back then, and may not have taken seriously whatever real pointers were there. And there may be some deep fears and wounds from early in life that makes me cling onto certain experiences and images more strongly.

Note: Selfless realization = no identification with the image of an I or me. Oneness = all is God/one yet there is a sense it happens to an “I”, there is some identification as an object within awareness.


realizing —> being it (requires everything)

playing around —> being serious about it


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