I need…. to be happy

I need…. to be happy.

A good relationship. Awakening. Good friendships. Admiration. Love. Meaning. Purpose. Satisfaction. Clarity. Energy. Good health. Intimacy. Fun. Money. A nice house. Community.

I need…. to…. for me to be happy.

J. to relax and be comfortable with herself. M. to talk with me. J. to get his life on track. J. to find and follow her passion. A. to stop nagging. O. to stand up for himself. God to show me the way. Life to give me what I want. My mind to find clarity. My body to support me, be healthy. B. to be open to me. K. to be patient with me. 

If I am happy, it means that….

My life will be right. I will have fulfilled my purpose. I will be satisfied, content. I will be at peace. 

– o –

When I explore each of these, I find a specific situation where I had that thought, go back in my mind, and inquiry from there.

I need her love. 

(I need …’s love to be happy.)

 Is it true? 


Sure it’s true? 


What happens, how do you react, when you believe that thought? 

I feel needy.

Afraid I’ll lose her love.

Dependent on her.

She becomes big in my mind, powerful.

I filter myself so I’ll keep her love.

It feels precarious.

Who would you be without the thought? 

Free to notice what’s here.

Notice I’m fine with or without.

There is a wholeness here, with or without.


I don’t need her love. 

1. I’ve been fine without before.

2. I am still here. Living my life.

3. There is still a sense of wholeness, completeness here.

I need my love. 

1. Yes, I need my love. When I believe I need her love, and that I can lose it or have lost it, I cut my own love off from myself.

2. I need to notice it’s my love I am receiving, when I think I am receiving her love.

I tell myself she loves me, so it’s OK to receive my own love. I don’t have to wait for that permission.

3. Other people come and go, and believe their thoughts or not. If I want love, I am the one.

– o –

It’s a big shift to see this:

(a) I am the one I receive love from (even when I tell myself it comes from someone else).

(b) When I believe certain stories, I am the one closing myself off from (noticing) that love.

(c) And I don’t have to wait for anyone else or depend on anyone else for giving and receiving love.

It goes against most of the stories I have been told, indirectly or directly, since childhood.

It goes against what I have seen others, including my parents, believe.

It goes against what my culture has told me from mythology to books and movies.

First, I see it. Get a sense of it.

I see it’s true.

Then, staying with it as a meditation, I may feel it.

As there is a deeper realignment, I may feel it spontaneously in situations where previously the old belief would have been triggered.

And then I may find genuine appreciation for it.

For the initial belief, for clarity, for reality.

– o –

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