Anthony De Mello: Loneliness is cured by contact with reality


Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality.

– Anthony De Mello

Yes, in a few different ways.

The reality of what that loneliness wants and needs.

The reality of how the loneliness is created by our mind.

The reality of what we are and what loneliness is.

And in more detail.

The loneliness may want to be met in presence, patience, and rest. When I shun it, it feels isolated and more lonely. When I am present with it, it can come home. I can find support in doing this through Natural Rest, ho’oponopono, tonglen, or just a simple gentle presence and kindness.

The experience of loneliness is created by sensations combined with imaginations. It’s created by beliefs. And I can explore these and see how my mind is creating it. I can explore this through different forms of inquiry.

When what I am notices itself, and notices loneliness as that too, there is a sense of relief and coming home. Presence (awakeness, love) recognizes itself as all there is, including loneliness and any other content of experience. Loneliness recognizes itself as presence, awakeness, love. This can come through natural rest and inquiry, and other forms of explorations as well.

As Jesus said, the truth will set you free. And the truth is found at several different levels. Another one, not mentioned above, is that loneliness is here to protect the (imagined) self and comes from love. Recognizing that in itself can be a relief.


Initial notes…..

  • loneliness cured by contact with reality
    • (a) meeting it, giving it what it wants – this part of us, seeing the reality of what it wants
    • (b) seeing how the mind creates its experience of loneliness – seeing the reality of it
    • (c) what we are, presence, natural rest, finding ourselves as that + loneliness as that
    • reality in three ways
      • reality of what that part of us/our experience wants and needs
      • reality of how it’s created by our mind
      • reality of what we are and it is
    • and not only loneliness, any painful experience

Loneliness, also in evolutionary context. Is here to protect the individual and the species, make sure it survives and keeps propagating.

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