At some point in the awakening process, we may find ourselves in a kind of in-between state.
We notice our nature directly, at least when we pay attention to it.
And we also still hold onto some ideas about what we are and identify as these.
To ourselves, we are consciousness and the world to us happens within and as that consciousness.
We are oneness and the world, to us, happens within and as that oneness.
This oneness learns that it is this human self happening within itself. It’s this human self that it can only see in the mirror or in photos and videos, can only see partially directly, that others and our passport say we are, and that it senses and lives in the world through. This is how most onenesses operate.
At some point, this oneness may become curious about its nature. It may intuit itself as oneness and consciousness. It may have glimpses of itself as that. It may learn how to notice its nature, and to do so more often through daily life.
NOTICING AND HOLDING ONTO IMAGES OF ITS NATURE
At this point, it will often both notice directly its nature, at least when bringing attention there. And it will create and hold onto some mental representations of its nature.
These may be mental representations of oneness, void, capacity, love, consciousness, and so on. And perhaps even Big Mind, Brahman, Spirit, and more.
This is a natural part of the process. It’s innocent. There is nothing inherently wrong with it.
The oneness we are is used to holding onto mental representations of who or what it is. It’s what it has learned from others. It’s how it finds a sense of safety, although it also brings friction with reality.
Also, when it discovers its nature, it can feel like a treasure and vitally important, so it tries to remember and hold onto it by creating and holding onto mental representations of it and even identifying as these mental representations.
This too comes with inherent discomfort. It’s something we feel we need to remember, rehearse, and even defend. And that’s a motivation to explore further and find a bit more clarity.
SOME WAYS TO EXPLORE THIS
What are some ways to explore this?
We may need some structured guidance, and here are a few I find useful:
Headless experiments help me notice my nature as capacity and what the world, to me, happens within and as. Here, it’s easier to notice the contrast between a direct noticing and my mental representations of what’s noticed.
Kiloby Inquiries helps me explore any identifications still in my system, including of capacity, oneness, love, and all the other identifications we may create for ourselves.
And the same goes for The Work of Byron Katie. This too helps me identify and explore any ideas I have of what I am.
A SPECIAL CASE OF AN UNIVERSAL DYNAMIC
As suggested above, this is a special case of something much more universal.
The oneness we are notices its nature. It recognizes itself as all it knows. To the oneness we are, the world happens within and as itself.
And it will still, very likely, hold onto a variety of mental representations of who and what it is. It will, at least to some extent, identify as these.
As mentioned, this happens out of old habits and because it feels safe. It’s a natural part of the process. And it comes with discomfort which is an invitation to explore what’s going on and find a bit more clarity around it.
What are some of these mental representations? They typically include a wide range of relatively universal ones. For instance: Gender. Nationality. Political orientations. A sense of lack and not being good enough. A sense of separation. All sorts of shoulds about ourselves, others, and life. And so on.
These are not necessarily wiped out by our nature recognizing itself. Usually, they remain in our system.
And that’s part of the process and adventure.
They are inherently uncomfortable, so we are invited to explore what’s going on, find a bit more clarity around it, and shift how we relate to it.
- Attaching to an image of what we are
- the oneness we are, glimpses itself
- partially noticing and partially holding onto mental representations of what we are
- void, oneness, consciousness, love etc.
- out of habit and a habitual way to try to find safety
- want to hold onto it, stay with it, not allow it to go away
- Make what notice into an ideology
- it’s natural, innocent, nothing inherently wrong in it
- just a part of the process, the adventure
- and is out of alignment with reality so comes with discomfort which motivates us to find more clarity
- Of course, hold onto all sorts of other ideas too, more ordinary and universal ones
Here is a very general outline of the process of noticing our nature and learning to live from that noticing.
But it is a bit out of alignment with reality, so it comes with some inherent discomfort. And that’s a motivation to explore further and find a bit more clarity.
We are invited to notice these as they come up and find what’s more true for us.