It’s better to be receptive, curious and have a sense of shared exploration.
This thought especially comes up when I encounter teachers or therapists who do not seem receptive, curious or with a sense of shared exploration.
The ones who seem to have answers, not be interested in other approaches, and go into an old/outmoded patriarchal teacher/therapist role.
Most recently, it came up when I had a conversation with Vigdis G. and also during an individual TRE session. In both cases, they seemed to act as if they had the answers and I just needed to adopt it, and they took on an old teacher/student role instead of shared exploration.
True?
Hm. It feels true so I’ll have to say yes.
Sure it’s true?
No. It’s just a preference.
A thought.
What happens when I take that thought as true?
I think, feel, speak and act as if it’s true.
I get annoyed when I encounter teachers/therapists who don’t seem to fit.
I compare the ones I feel don’t fit with the ones I feel do (Adya, Byron Katie, David Berceli, Todd, Bonnie, Douglas Harding, Richard Lang).
I get frustrated.
I tend to dismiss what they say.
Want to be somewhere else.
Am likely to break off the connection.
–> I tell myself they are misguided. Caught up in a story. Not helpful to their students/clients.
What do I desire the most from the situation?
A sense of connection. Understanding.
Being on the same side.
A sense of curiosity, receptivity, shared exploration.
What do I get out of it when I hold onto the belief?
A sense of disconnection – first in my mind and then, often, in life.
Lack of understanding – of what’s going on for the other person, of the dynamics in the situation.
Being on different sides. Going separate ways. Separation.
Closed off.
Who would I be without the belief?
Receptive. Curious. A sense of shared exploration.
A student.
A sense of shared exploration, whether I stay or not.
Free to continue the connection or not.
Using the other person as a welcome mirror, finding here what I see there.
Turnaround
It’s better to *not* be receptive, curious and have a sense of shared exploration.
–> (a) Hm. It’s better when teachers/therapists are *not* because it brings me back to myself.
I get to see my own beliefs and shoulds.
I get to rely on myself.
I get to find in myself what I wished to find the other person.
(b) Also, whatever happens in them has infinite causes.
It’s an expression of the whole universe, the whole of existence.
Who am I to argue?
(c) If they – as I tell myself – are caught up in a story, it may help them see what’s going on for them.
They get feedback, invitation for exploration.
–> (d) Some students/clients may benefit from it as it is.
They may look for someone who appears to have answers, who set themselves above their students/clients.
It may help them feel comfortable. It may help them be more receptive.
It may be a stepping stone for them, as many things are for me.
(e) It helps me see that I don’t need to try to fit in everywhere and with all teachers/teachings.
It’s OK to sort, to stay with some and let go of the rest.
I don’t need to try to get something out of absolutely everything.
If there is something important for me to see, life will bring it up again for me.
–> (f) They may do it as a refuge. They may seek refuge in appearing to know and in a traditional teacher/student role. It may feel safe for them.
I do the same. I seek refuge in stories as well.
– o –
It’s *worse* to be receptive, curious and have a sense of shared exploration.
Hm. It’s worse to fake it, at least.
It’s worse to pretend because of a should.
Also, the teachers who are – in my mind – fit my expectations. I don’t get to encounter my should around this.
– o –
–> It’s better for *my thinking* to be receptive, curious and have a sense of shared exploration.
Yes, that’s true. The advice is for myself, especially in that situation.
What I want is receptivity, curiosity and a sense of shared exploration. When I go into my belief, I get the exact opposite. I close off and there is a sense of separation.
Instead, I can find what I look for by noticing the dynamic, take a step back, take a look at what’s going on.