Tag: tv series

Not knowing is a gift

moe Leave a comment

The not knowing is a gift.

– Nyota Uhura in Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, season 4, episode 10

I just watched the last episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, for this season, which involves time travel.

At the end, Uhura says: The only moment that’s real, that we actually live in, is now. [Today] is the only day that matters… how you spend it, and how you define it. My future is not all I think about anymore. I am not afraid of it. I am lucky to be here in the moment. To not know what adventure will come my way every week. Because, wow, the not knowing is a gift.

Of course, we need to think ahead, plan, and sometimes prepare. And yet, I find that my life works better when I also recognize that my ideas about the future happen here and now, they are imaginations, guesses about the future. My life is here and now and nowhere else. I can only find the past in imagination, and I can only find the future in imagination. Even my ideas about the present are literally my imagination! It’s all guesses.

Forms of not knowing

There are several forms of not knowing.

Past and present

There is the not-knowing about the past and present. There are always more layers to discover, new perspectives to explore and new contexts to understand it all within. Even if I tell myself I understand something, I don’t really.

The future

There is also have a not-knowing about the future. I may have projections based on past experience and models. I may even have visions or intuitions. And yet, I don’t know for certain. I cannot know for certain. All I know is the future will surprise me.

Dream thought-experiment

Earlier today, I remembered Alan Watts’ dream thought experiment.

Imagine you can decide what you will dream.

First, I may want to dream that I have and experience everything I want in my waking life.

After a while, that gets boring. I may want to add some challenges to spice it up.

After a while, that gets boring too. I chose to not remember that I am dreaming while dreaming. That rises the stakes.

I also chose to not know what will happen. That keeps it all fresh and surprising. As the future arrives, it surprises me.

I chose to not know everything about the past or present. That too keeps it fresh and surprising. New layers are always revealed, and sometimes it changes my whole worldview.

I may also add occasional more serious challenges. I may even add life-and-death issues.

So, after a while, I arrive at the life I have now.

If this life was a dream, I would want it to be like this – not knowing the future, not fully knowing the past and present, and with a mix of ease and challenges.

The gifts of not knowing

Not knowing makes life fresh and surprising.

My personality doesn’t always appreciate or like it, and I also see that if I could choose the content of my dreams, I would want these inherent forms of not knowing.

I want to be surprised.

Another not knowing

There is yet another form of not knowing here, and that is about our nature.

At my human level, there is always more to discover. I never really know myself.

I can take myself to be something within the content of experience – this human self, an observer, and doer, or something similar. If I do, there is also more to discover, and what I eventually discover will turn my world upside-down and inside-out.

That’s because in a more fundamental sense, I find myself to be what all content of experience happens within and as. I am what a thought may call consciousness. As this awake space, I form myself into any and all content of experience. And that includes any temporary sense of being something within content of experience or more clearly noticing my nature.

In all of this, there is a not knowing. I never know anything for certain. There are always more layers, angles, and contexts to understand it all within.

Here too, I this is how I would want it if I could choose the content of my dreams. I would want this too, to add spice and adventure to my dreams.

A medicine for a condition

As all pointers, this is medicine for a condition.

In our culture, we tend to think we know and that knowing is better than not knowing. The reality is that we don’t know anything for certain and not-knowing and knowing go hand in hand. It’s a relief to notice this and take it in, and align a little closer to reality.

The other side of this is that we do know things. We have information. We know what we want. We have inner guidance. It’s important to take that serious too and act on it. And it’s healthy and necessary for us to want to know, and to know more.

If we over-emphasize the not-knowing side, we need to balance it out by emphasizing the knowing. In that situation, reminding ourselves of our knowing, and encouraging our desire to know, is the medicine.

A synchronicity: As I wrote that last sentence, the music I listened to said I want to know. Nterini by Fatoumata Diawara.

Stranger Things and the shadow

moe Leave a comment

I have enjoyed watching Stranger Things. It’s well written and well produced, it brings me back to my own childhood/teens in the ’80s, it has a reasonably good psychology and strong archetypal themes, and it has heart and is about friendship and community.

And as with any story, we can see it as a dream and a mirror for ourselves.

THE SHADOW BREAKS IN

In Stranger Things, the Upside Down threatens to take over Hawkins and eventually the rest of the world.

This is a mirror of when our shadow threatens to take us over.

The parts of us that are wounded, in reactivity to those wounds, and caught up in despair, anger, hatred, and so on, break through and are about to take over.

That happens for us when strong wounds are triggered, and we don’t have the resources to meet it skillfully. And in extreme situations, it may threaten to engulf us. We see this in Hawkins when individuals are taken over by Vecna, and at the end of season four when the town of Hawkins is about to be taken over.

FRIENDSHIP & LOVE

At the same time, there is the heart there, and friendship, love, and gratitude. This is at the center of the story and prevents our reactivity to wounds from taking over.

This friendship and love is among and within us. It’s here when we meet our experience – including hurt and our reactivity to it – with friendship, love, and curiosity.

WHO IS THE MONSTER?

One of the questions in Stranger Things is: who is the monster?

Is it Henry/One/Vecna? Or the creatures of the upside-down? (The friends see them as monsters.)

Is it Eleven and those like her, with unusual powers? (The military see her as the monster.)

Is it the outsiders, like Eddie? (The Hawkins community and the police see him as the monster.)

Is the the mainstream folks, like Jason, who become a monster by wanting to defeat monsters? (Eddie and his friends see him as a monster.)

In ourselves, is fear, guilt, shame, anger, reactivity, and so on the monster? What happens when we meet them with some acceptance, kindness, and curiosity, without allowing them to take us over? What happens when we recognize them as parts of us trying to protect us? As confused love?

THE CONVENTIONAL WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS SHADOW

There is complexity in how we relate to our shadow, including our reactivity to our hurt.

Do we try to get rid of it? Do we banish it to the “upside down”? Do we try to seal any portals to that side of ourselves? Do we insulate ourselves from it? Do we create and hold onto an identity as not that?

This is the conventional approach in our culture, and perhaps most cultures. It’s also what we learn from most stories in our culture, including – so far – Stranger Things.

It’s a pretty good approach. It’s better than allowing ourselves to be overtaken by our hurt and reactivity to the hurt. It helps us function in daily life.

At the same time, it doesn’t fully work. It doesn’t really resolve anything. What’s in our shadow is still there, and it can still break through. Since we have kept it at a distance, we also may not be very familiar with it, apart from seeing it in others and the world. We don’t have much experience and training in dealing with it skillfully, including when it breaks through.

A MORE SKILLFUL WAY TO DEAL WITH IT

So what is a more skillful approach?

It’s one that we sometimes see in our culture, and also in Stranger Things.

It’s to get to know our shadow better, find healthy boundaries with it, befriend it, and possibly even team up with it.

We can understand it better. Why is it the way it is? How did it come to be that way? What’s my earliest memory of feeling that way? Of reacting that way?

In Stranger Things, we see this in Eleven’s gradual understanding of Henry/One/Vecna, and how he came to deal with his immense hurt by wanting to control and take over everything and everyone. He is an example of how hurt people hurt people.

We may see that it’s there to protect us. We were hurt in the past, and developed ways to deal with that hurt and the situation that brought about that hurt in us. Our reactivity to the hurt is confused love.

We can find healthy boundaries with it. When it comes, how do I best deal with it? Is it to give myself some time to let the storm pass? Talk with a friend about it, someone who can support us in dealing with it in a healthy way? Is it to remind ourselves that we don’t want to act on it, and that we usually end up regretting it if we do?

It’s also possible to team up with it. We can have healthy boundaries, and also use the energy of it in a more skillful way. This is the black belt approach.

THE WORLD IS MY MIRROR

One aspect of this is to use the world as a mirror.

It already is, so we may as well make use of it to get to know ourselves better.

Whatever story I have about anyone or anything, I can turn it to be about myself, and find specific and genuine examples of when and how it’s true.

I can find Henry/One/Vecna in myself. I can find that hurt, and that reactivity to the hurt that tries to find safety in control and indulging in creating more hurt. It’s a very young part of me.

I can find the upside down in myself. The part of me that’s in the dark and full of scary and apparently sinister figures and dynamics.

I can find Hawkins in myself. The conventional community that works relatively well in an ordinary sense.

I can find the outsiders in myself. I sometimes feel like an outsider in the world, and I exile some parts of me and make them outsiders in myself.

I can find the bullies and the bullied in myself. I can find it in some of my relations with others, in the past and even now, and I can find it within myself. Some parts of me bully and hurt other parts of me.

I can find the group of friends in myself. I can find how and when I am a friend to myself, and to different parts of me when they come up.

I can find the love in myself, the love within the families, within the community, and among the friends. I can find it in my life, and in how I sometimes relate to different parts of me and my experience.

THE PRISON OF THE MIND

One of the themes of Stranger Things is imprisonment. The kids at Hawkins Lab were imprisoned and treated as experimental subjects. Henry was one of these, and had been there for years. Henry/Vecna later imprisons several of the kids he takes from Hawkins.

A part of this theme is the prison of the mind. When we get caught up in wounds and reactivity, it’s a prison. It can be a prison of anxiety, regret, guilt, and so on, as we see in the kids Vecna takes. It can be a prison of anger and violence, as we see in Henry/Vecna. And it can be a prison of fear, self-righteousness, and scapegoating, as we see among some in the Hawkins community and the military.

NOT BLACK AND WHITE

Although the main story starts out relatively black and white, there is a lot of nuance.

As we learn more about the backstory of the “bad guys” (the humans), we understand better how they came to be as they are and what motivates them. We can more easily relate.

We also get to see some of the shadow of the main characters. They, too, are nuanced.

A STORY WITH A HEART

The main reason I like Stranger Things is that it has heart.

It’s not only about friendship and love, but it’s written from an orientation of friendship and love. We learn to understand and empathize even with the villains. For instance, Henry (later Vecna) was accidentally infected with some kind of substance as a kid. This gave him his powers, it connected him with the Mind Flayer – who may have influenced him to kill part of his family, and he was imprisoned and held as a lab rat for years. He is traumatized, and it’s understandable that he went into a pretty strong reactivity.

RICHNESS OF ANGLES AND LAYERS

There are five seasons of Stranger Things, and they intentionally layer it and add connections at all levels of the story, so exploring the story and substories as a mirror for me has a great deal of richness.

SHIPPING AND PROJECTIONS

I have seen ST fans on social media “shipping” Will and Mike. It can be fun to imagine alternate storylines, but it doesn’t make sense to be invested in it. If we are invested in it, it’s likely a projection.

The energy in our own life that’s there to “ship” us into a relationship – with ourselves, someone else, or deeper with our romantic partner – is projected out onto a fantasy story.

If that happens, it’s good to notice, and channel that energy back into our own life. How can it be used to ship myself? Into which relationship do I want to invest it?

Also, in this case, it’s clear that Will is interested in Mike, and absolutely no indication that it’s reciprocral in a romantic sense. You set yourself up for disapointment if you invest energy into a fantasy story that’s very unlikely to move in that direction.

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Stranger Things & the shadow in stories

moe Leave a comment

I love Stranger Things, partly for its ’80s nostalgia, its heart, and the friendships.

Earlier in life, and especially in my late teens and twenties, I used to see any and all stories from a Jungian filter. I would see them as a dream with all parts mirroring parts of me and their dynamics mirroring dynamics in me, and then take the opportunity to find it in myself.

I find I don’t do that so much anymore. I mostly just enjoy the story.

But sometimes, it comes up again. For instance, how do stories depict the shadow – the parts of us that don’t fit our conscious or desired self-image?

In Stranger Things, it’s quite polarized and a kind of a caricature. The shadow is just about as terrible as you can imagine, and there is no chance of dialog or reasoning. If we meet something like that in waking life, we’ll likely have to deal with it more or less as they do.

It’s different with our own shadow. We can certainly perceive and fight with some shadow material the way they do in these types of stories, and it’s exhausting.

The only real resolution is to befriend what’s in our shadow, what has been neglected, ignored, pushed away, denied, and so on.

Some stories show that way of dealing with shadow material, and perhaps especially fairy tales and some mythology.

I have been looking for stories that depict a healthy, wise, and mature way of dealing with the shadow. One of the first contemporary ones I found was Jim Button and Luke the Engine Driver. Here, the main characters capture a dangerous dragon, put it in a cage so it can’t harm anyone, and through that containment, it turns into a golden wisdom dragon.

If they had killed it, they would never have know what it could be. And if they had let it be free, it would have continued to harm people. Instead, they contained it and let it live – and, to their surprise, transform.

I don’t know if Michael Ende was familiar with and influenced by Jung, but I think it’s almost certain. The story shows, in a simplified way, a mature way of dealing with shadow material.

We don’t need to try to eliminate or escape it, and if we try we may find it doesn’t work. Instead, we can meet it and metaphorically restrain it so it can’t do so much harm. In reality, we find a more conscious way of relating to it so we are less likely to be caught in it and our reaction to it. And by this discipline – meeting and relating to it more intentionally – the shadow material can become a golden wisdom dragon. It becomes a source of healing, maturing, and perhaps even some wisdom.

The shadow is not one monolithic thing. There are a lot of different qualities and characteristics in the shadow of our conscious self-image. And although there is a general way to approach it, we’ll also need to adjust our approach depending on the person, situation, and what’s coming up.

What’s in the shadow colors our perception, thoughts, emotions, and life. As long as we haven’t befriended it, it will run us. When it is triggered, we either get caught up in it and live from it, or we are caught up in and live from our reaction to it, or both. And this will keep going on until we befriend it.

How can we befriend it? I have written about it in many other articles so won’t go into it much here. We can do explicit shadow work and inquiry, notice and allow it when it’s here, do heart-centered practices with it, dialog with it, and so on.

And when we befriend it and get to know it, we find the gifts it has for us. We find a missing piece of ourselves. We expand our repertoire in how we can be and are in the world. We become a little more healed and whole as a human being.

There is something fitting in using stories from our culture as a mirror for our own shadow. What we see as a desirable personality comes largely from our culture, which means that what goes into our shadow will also largely reflect our culture. And the darkness of the shadow depends on the strength of our ideals, which also reflects our culture.