JYN: Angry at God

Situation: Before incarnation, when realized I was going to incarnate and resisted it.

1. I am angry at God because he/she is pushing me into incarnation, and it will be my ruin.

2. I want God to find another way for me, to support me, to help me live in love.

3. God should realize it will be my ruin, should realize it’s a mistake, shouldn’t make me live this life.

4. I need God to make it all good for me, not leave me, help me remember.

5. God is crazy, irresponsible, mistaken, incompetent, stupid, hateful, ruins everything.

6. I don’t ever want to again lose love, forget, be thrown out of love, be thrown out of paradise.


God has me incarnate because:

God is crazy, incompetent, mistaken, wrong.

God doesn’t care about me.

I am flawed. I am not mature enough. I still have a lot to learn. I am not clear enough.

God has me incarnate and that means:

It will be my ruin. I will be lost. I will make mistakes. It will be a downward spiral.

I will forget where I come from. I will forget love.

I will make a mess of it.


One-for-one w. Natascha.

God is pushing me into incarnation.

#3 – helpless, angry, victim, hurt, helpless, wounded, pressured, I blame God, defiant, resentful, I see myself as very small (victim, helpless) and big (resentful, defiant), I have images of other incarnations that were not so successful and that something will go horribly wrong in this one, a lot of fear, contracted,

#4 – feel trust, feel the support from God and the other beings there, I know that God is here always, I know it’s all love no matter it’s surface appearance, calm, interested in what will happen,

TA: I am pushing me into incarnation. Because I feel pushed by God, so I push myself. It’s something I want because I know it’s right. I didn’t ask for it to be otherwise, I didn’t ask for a different solution or option, I didn’t ask for a different life. I am the one who has an image/thought of God pushing me into incarnation, not God.

TA: God is not pushing me into incarnation. It wasn’t really a feeling of being pushed, more that everything – Spirit, love, life – was moving in that direction. I didn’t ask for anything else. There was no need to, because I pushed myself. Pushing is in my images/thoughts about it.

TA: God is (guiding) loving me into incarnation. If God is love, then my incarnation is from and is love too.

TA: I am pushing God into incarnation. I have images of God – being cruel, mistaken – and I make those images seem true, real in my own mind. God is not really anything separate from anything else, so if I have an image of God separate from reality – what is – I push God into incarnation in my own mind. Through my life, I am giving God flesh and a human life, I am bringing God into incarnation – as confused and/or clear love.


It will be my ruin.

#3 – terrified, fear, dreading it, paralyzed, contracted, small, weak, I have image of my coming life as dark, small and confused, I make a huge contrast in my mind between how it is between lives (love, Spirit, remembering) and within lives (dark, small, confused, forgetting), angry, resentful, defiant

#4 – i feel lighter, trust, notice the love, in awe, curious about this life,

TA: I will be my ruin. When I believe it will be my ruin, I see it that way. Through believing this thought, my decisions are not as clear and kind. I am less kind towards myself.

TA: It will be my birth/salvation. I found inquiry in this life. I remembered (Spirit, love) and am seeking to be more clear on it. I have support in this life, to become more clear. The painful things that has happened motivates me to be more clear. My remembering (of Spirit, love) motivates me to find more clarity.

TA: It will not be my ruin. The idea of ruin is in my mind, I cannot find it anywhere else. If God is love, how could it be my ruin?


I need God to help me remember.

#3 – feel entitled, demanding, I can require it of God, resentful, fearful, in opposition to God, I treat God as someone who can give me what I need, I feel dependent, hurt, small, contracted,

#4 – feel free, lighter, relaxed, trust, I see it’s OK whether I remember or not, I trust it’s OK either way,

TA: I need me to help me remember. I can ask for help to remember. I can ask for help from where I am from. I can ask for help to recognize (see, feel) all as love. I can set/clarify intention to remember. I can inquire into resistant thoughts.

TA: I need God to help me forget. That’s what happened. I get to experience how it is to forget, and find understanding/empathy. I get to explore how it is to find my way back – to recognizing in immediacy all as Spirit/love. It may help me find how it was before incarnation in my life now. Without my story, remembering and forgetting are equal.


TA on #5: I am crazy – I make myself crazy through these thoughts. I am irresponsible – my life is more confused (more irresponsible) when I believe these thoughts. I am mistaken – I make myself confused with these thoughts. I am incompetent – I think I know better than God, so am quite confused. I am stupid – I pretend that God is not love. I am hateful – when I believe these thoughts I am hateful towards God (myself, life). I am ruin everything – in my mind I see everything as ruined.

TA on #6 : I am willing to again lose love, forget, be thrown out of love, be thrown out of paradise. If it’s God’s will. I can find where I trust it’s OK.

TA on #6: I look forward to again lose love, forget, be thrown out of love, be thrown out of paradise. (Not yet.)

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