The idea of mistakes is interesting and multifaceted.
NO MISTAKES
There are no mistakes.
The idea of mistakes is created by the human mind. It doesn’t exist in the world. It’s an imagination, both the idea of a mistake in general and ideas of specific mistakes. It’s literally a fantasy.
It can seem real since we live in a society where most people believe – or pretend to believe whether they notice or not – in the possibility of mistakes, and we have internalized it as children, but it’s still a fantasy. It’s a fantasy taken as real until it’s examined.
NO MISTAKES AS WE TYPICALLY SEE IT
There are also not mistakes in how we often take them, as personal and something we could have done differently.
Our thoughts, choices, life, and everything about us has infinite causes going back to beginning of time (if there is a beginning) and the widest extent of existence (if there is a widest extent). I can always find one more cause, and one more. Our life is the local movements of the larger whole expressed locally.
We are, genuinely, doing our best. We make the best choices we can given the circumstances – limited information and experience, inability to know anything for certain about the future, and perception and life colored by trauma (often collective and intergenerational).
MISTAKES IN A CONVENTIONAL SENSE
At the same time, there are mistakes in a conventional and limited sense.
There are choices we make that we would have done differently if we…. Were more healed and whole. Had more information and experience. Knew the bigger picture. Knew the future.
It’s good to notice that too.
GIFTS IN MISTAKES
There are gifts in mistakes.
When I see that I would have done something differently – with who I am and what I know now – it’s a lesson. There is something to explore, notice, and learn there.
Why did I make that choice? Was it out of fear, wounds, trauma, painful beliefs? What do I find if I examine those painful beliefs? What happens if I invite healing for the wounds? What happens if I find healing for my relationship to the contraction in me behind the choice?
I also find it helpful to examine my ideas about mistakes and specific mistakes. There are mistakes. It was a mistake to get married to her. It was a mistake to move away from what I loved. Is it true? Can I know for certain it’s true? What happens, how do I react, when I believe that thought? Who would I be without it? What’s the validity in each turnaround? Can I find three specific and genuine examples for each?
EXPLORING MISTAKES
How do I explore mistakes?
Here are some I find helpful for myself….
Inquiry, either The Work of Byron Katie or sense field explorations (Kiloby Inquiries).
Neurogenic tremoring (TRE) to release tension from my system.
Tonglen with myself and anyone involved in the situation. (Especially anyone parts of me wants to blame.)
Ho’oponopono.
Parts work, for instance, the Big Mind process (Voice Dialog).
Harvesting the gifts. Finding the genuine gifts in the mistakes.
Identify and explore any hangups, wounds, and painful beliefs behind the choice.
Imagining myself in that situation, as whole and healed, and the same with anyone else involved. Having a dialog with myself at the time, and others involved, as whole and healed – normally wise, kind, and intelligent.
Having real-life conversations with friends and anyone involved, with the intention of seeing the situation more clearly and taking responsibility for my part. (My responsibility for my own choices, actions, and life is 100% whether I embrace that or not.)
Noticing that there are no mistakes, and there are mistakes in a limited sense, just depending on how we look at it, and all of those perspectives have validity, value, and usefulness. Examining this in detail, and how each one has validity in a specific situation, so it becomes a lived reality.