Session w Barry – #5 in new series

Notes from my session with Barry last night:

p: some things that’s come to me the last few days

(a)(i)  idealized images of people and places from my early twenties, during the initial phase of the awakening, painful to hold onto these, now more disillusioned in a good way, let go of and be open for what’s here, also (ii) idealized image of awakening from the early phase of the awakening (held onto at emotional level, conscious view was different), bells & whistles, images made up of a mix of ground/Spirit awake to itself + specifics of what happened in content of experience, now what’s here as it is, relaxing into what’s here

(b) images of Christ/the divine formed during the same time which don’t seem to fit anymore (head, heart centers w/out belly center), now they need to include the softness of the belly center, the deep restfulness of coming home, of reality coming home to itself, silence meeting itself

(c) the part of my mind/brain that hasn’t quite “clicked in” yet in recovering from cf  all fit what’s called executive functions and may be related to the same brain area(s)

b: (invites me to visualize connection from my heart down to center of earth, center of galaxy, origin of matter, then heart up, ask to be led, be shown what i need to see)

p: notice golden light filling my belly, luminous darkness in the head, the two meet in the heart (swirls)

p: incarnation trauma, also idealized images of how it was, when go into these as true, complete despair, despondency, don’t want to be here, victim of a larger force, forced into something against my will

p: I knew it was right for me to incarnate, and a part of me decided to go against it, very split, pretended to not want it, collapse, feels very young (that part of me), collapse also with the cf

b: (allow the light of Christ to shine on it, may it be resurrected, may it be restored to its original beingness, its divine image, true image)

p: wish for the divine, Christ, to move into my physical body, skeleton, spine, nervous system, brain, blood

b: ask what needs to be resurrected, as each thing arise, offer it over to Christ for it to be resurrected

p: dark area middle of brain, weakness in lower spine (tan tien area), dark at bottom of spine, fear of going up and then crash (as in my early twenties, don’t need to do that anymore, God/Christ as rest now), lower central part of brain dark, front and top of head feel a bit numb

b: diksha, disconnects higher chakras from lower, seal off brain centers (creates imbalance, cut off from life, aliveness), ask to be shown anything preventing full realization

p: crown went numb at beginning of dark night, moved to Wisconsin, went against (clear, strong) inner guidance, one morning saw an image of  a thick golden cable detaching from the top of my head, drifting off

b: what’s happened for you, part of the plan of redemption of me and humanity, go asleep and reawaken, resurrection

p: incarnation, pretending I didn’t want to be here, fear, deciding to collapse, give up completely, get to blame life and God

b: if you want to be here with all of your being, then all of you including your divine being will be here (if not, only part of you will be here, doesn’t work very well), this is the big one, give it a week, be present with it, this too is part of the bigger picture, the bigger plan

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