Brief notes on healing and awakening and occasional personal things XIII

This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be a little on the rant side. And some may be made into a regular article in time.


I am at our family cabin by a lake in the forest east of Oslo. It’s sunny, warm, a light breeze, and I can shift between warming myself in the sun, sitting in the shade, laying down in a cool and dark room, and going for a swim in the lake (24 degrees celcius). It’s complete heaven for this physical being to be able to shift so easily between all these situations. I can very easily be comfortable.

And then there is the nature, the birds, insects, flowers, trees. The beautiful sky. The amazing evening and morning sky. The light at night. Feeling a deep sense of belonging to this Earth community with all the other beings and the rocks and lake and sky and sun. It feels deeply nurturing and healing.

I know it’s an amazing privilege. On the one hand, it’s the type of environment we are made for and our ancestors sought out and lived their lives in. On the other hand, and especially today, it’s not at all a given to have this opportunity. I know I am privileged. I know how much I have to be grateful for, even in a very conventional sense. (And in spite of challenges and a challenging life situations due to health problems.)

Click READ MORE to see more of these brief notes.

JUNE 26, 2020


A friend (PD) has posted a series of videos on social media of her cat being pregnant, having contractions, panting, and giving birth.

For whatever reason – perhaps because I have worked on healing my relationship with my mother and women in general – I have taken it in deeply. I experience a deep compassion for all mothers of all species of all times. They are the reason we all are here. They have suffered greatly to give birth to us. They have cared for us. They have given their lives for us metaphorically and literally. I feel a deep love for all mothers of all time.

Something in me deepens and opens up through this.


In our western culture, we have traditionally associated light with good and dark with bad or evil. God and the divine is light. The devil and hell is dark. We are enlightened when we understand something. We are in the dark if we don’t understand it. 

Some of this is understandable. We are visual creatures so we need daylight or some other form of light to see and navigate. And we have taken this much further in our metaphors and how we generally see the world. 

So why not explore the beauty in the darkness? 

Physical darkness invites and allows us to sleep and rest. In the physical darkness, we can set aside the activities of the day, open our non-visual senses, turn towards our inner world more easily, and also rest and sleep. 

The night is also the time for nocturnal animals to be active. It’s a niche that some animals have chosen to occupy and make use of. 

Nature can be very beautiful at night. It’s often more still and quiet. We can see the stars and get a sense of the infinite universe (which reflects and reminds us of the timelessness and infinity of what we are). A landscape bathed in moonlight has its own magical beauty. 

Shadows are necessary for us to see and recognize physical objects and orient and navigate in the physical world. 

Dark colors are necessary to create nuance and contrast to the light ones. They all work together so we can see anything at all. 

In our physical world, the dark and light work together to create this world and our perception of both allows us to orient, function, and appreciate the beauty of it all. 

Metaphorical darkness also has its beauty. 

Darkness in a methaphorical sense can be used about something we don’t know, dark areas of ourselves (our demons, our shadow), a dark night or period in our life, and something bad or even evil. 

The unknown is beautiful. It’s a perfect projection object so we get to see ourselves in what we imagine about it. It reminds us we don’t know anything for certain. It reminds us about the importance of receptivity and curiosity. It invites us to keep an open mind and heart. 

There is a beauty in the dark areas of ourselves. The ones we pretend are not there or haven’t met and discovered yet. These are part of our wholeness, and they contribute immensely to the wholeness and richness of who we are when we get to know them, relate to them more consciously, and bring them more intentionally into our identity and lives. 

Dark periods of our life has their own beauty, at least if we intentionally use them to heal, mature, reprioritize, and find more clarity. The beauty of these periods may be more easily recognized in hindsight.

What humans tend to see as bad or evil also has it’s beauty. Faced with it, we get to learn about ourselves. In some, it brings out the best. It invites us to find what we call bad or evil in ourselves, take responsibility for it, perhaps invite in healing for it, and relate to it in a more intentional way. It invites us the examine our thoughts about what’s bad or evil and see that these are labels and not inherent in reality or life. 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and we can find beauty even in darkness – whatever we label dark. We can shift out of our cultural assumptions about some forms of darkness and find what’s more true for us.


I find it helpful to explore issues from different angles and also at different levels. 

What are some of these angles? 

We can shift how we relate to the issue and what it brings up in us and our life. From trying to avoid it, we can befriend it. Heart-centered practices can be very helpful here. (Ho’oponopono, tonglen, metta etc.) 

We can engage in dialog with it, listen to what it has to tell us and what it would like from us, explore how it relates to other parts of us, and so on. (For me, Voice Dialog, Big Mind process.) 

We can explore our thoughts, beliefs, and identities related to the issue. The ones creating, maintaining, and reacting to it. 

We can work on it somatically (for me, TRE) and through energy medicine (Vortex Healing). 

What are some of the different levels of an emotional issue? 

For instance, say we appear arrogant, want to have the last word, steer the discussion towards areas where we have more knowledge than the others, want to impress by talking about things we have done, and so on. This is the appearance level. 

At the next level, we may find insecurity and unquestioned beliefs and identities. We may believe we are not as good as the others, or that we are unloved or unlovable, that we need to impress to be liked or loved, and so on. 

We may find early childhood situations where we felt this way and had these thoughts. And we may find that these beliefs and identities were created by us back then in order to protect ourselves and keep us safe. 

We may find this is all natural and innocent, and comes from a place in us that wish to protect us and keep us safe. It’s in its essence an expression of love although it may also have created a lot of suffering for ourselves later on. 

We may discover fear at the center of all of this. A fear that’s unmet, not listened to, not understood, and not loved.

We may discover that the healing process is really about love meeting love (the issue). 

These are all more essential and basic levels of exploring and understanding what’s going on. 

Yet another level is really more a different context. This emotional issue and everything related to it happens within and as what we are. We are capacity for it. It happens not only as who we are (this human self) but also as what we are (as capacity for our experiences). 

These are just some examples and not meant to be comprehensive. There are innumerable helpful approaches or there and all sorts of nuances and levels of understanding and exploring these issues.


From awakening, we see that all is love. The unfolding universe is love. The evolution of this living planet is love. The suffering is love. Karma is love. Discomfort is love. Delusion is love. Awakening is love. Unhealed wounds and trauma visiting us is love. All of it is love. Whatever form life takes right now is love.

It doesn’t help to say it or read this, apart from as an occasional pointer. Which is why I don’t emphasize it, although I sometimes add it to the end of an article. It’s at most a question we can explore.

What if this too is love? How would I relate to it? In what way can I find it for myself? (And if I don’t, that’s completely fine.)

Perhaps the simplest and easiest way to explore it is through the Big Mind process and shifting into Big Heart. How is everything to Big Heart? How does BH relate to it? What does BH have to say about something I find challenging? How do I relate to BH? How is it when I open to or notice BH? What prevents me from noticing and connecting with BH in more situations? What advice does BH have for me?

JUNE 27, 2020


Some years back, there was a period where Big Mind / no-self was very clear and in the foreground. I assume these shifts happen so we can notice these aspects of what we are more clearly.

This was followed by a severe worsening of the chronic fatigue (CFS).

And this, in turn, was followed by a period where I felt any inner “anchor points” were gone and a huge amount of primal trauma came up in my system. (Perhaps from this and past lives.)

It’s not uncommon that an opening to what we are is followed by an opening to what’s still unprocessed in us, and what I went through may be an example of that.

Since the trauma-phase, I have experienced my system as disorganized. It feels like it opened up for a large number of traumas and issues and these have stayed alive in my system. In some ways, it feels like I – at my human level – was shattered by the intensity of the primal traumas surfacing. I also notice the energies in and around my brain, and especially the front, as disorganized.

I have asked several healers about this but none have seemed to be able to pick this up or sense it. Yesterday, my partner – who is also a senior Vortex Healing practitioner and amazing healer – did sense it when I mentioned it to her.

She said she sense my system as disorganized and as if there are several “bubbles” of trauma vibrating in my system. (I hadn’t used these words in describing it to her, but these are words I sometimes have used for myself.)

We have started working on supporting my system in organizing itself again. It will take time but it will speed up a natural healing process of my system reorganizing itself and finding – hopefully – a new wholeness and alignment. Of course, all the other healing work I have done is also part of this process.


I am doing an online Vortex Healing class this weekend, and during the second transmission, I noticed and felt and allowed trauma sensations in my body. It felt like the primal survival fear I have known for a while now.

At some point, I went into a half-asleep state and saw a series of images of myself in many other lives. I saw myself in many different ethnicities and times and places on the planet. In each life, I was in a situation that was life-threatening but I survived.

I saw myself in a snow storm in Northern North-America. I saw myself as an inuit hunting a walrus and being in a dangerous situation. I saw myself in the desert with not much water. And so on. As if the theme was not clear enough, a voice said “you survived all of this”.

Of course, I don’t know if these were actual past lives or not. That’s not so important. What’s important is that there is a message for me here.

So what may it be? Perhaps what I explored before this is a clue.

I have worked on a visceral survival fear for some years. It came out of the blue following a period where the “center of gravity” shifted more clearly into Big Mind and no-self. It was overwhelmingly strong for a while (months). Then, it softened and was gone for a while. And now, it has returned in a mild form due to a current situation.

Perhaps life / my mind wanted to get me in touch with the confidence that comes from surviving dangerous situation. In each situation, I was in danger due to the natural elements. And in each situation, I got myself through it.


Most of us assume our general worldview is correct. We assume our values and political orientation is generally the right one. And we may think we are right about many other things as well.

Why do we often thing we are right? Why are we often over-confident about our thoughts and assumptions?

There may be an evolutionary advantage to this.

Perhaps in the life of most of our ancestors, our assumptions were often correct and helped us survive? Perhaps that’s how it is for most practical things for all of us, independent of place and time? Perhaps it was because their life was more local and apparently more simple (although not always easy) and predictable? (The same recurrent challenges.)

Perhaps there has been a survival benefit to being confident about our assumptions? After all, confidence leads to action and life give us feedback and often allow us to learn and try again.

There are also more psychological reasons for why we often think we are right.

The main reason may be that our own view and perception is the one most familiar to us. We live within it. So it naturally seem mostly correct. We are familiar with all the reasons why it’s correct. And we are less familiar with the reasons why it may not be as correct as we think.

We tend to be around others who see things as we do so we mutually reinforce each others views and assumptions.

Our views become a part of our identity. They are part who we take ourselves to be. So upholding them becomes a part of upholding who we take ourselves to be. We reinforce the ideas that our ideas as mostly correct because it helps us maintain a familiar or desired identity.

The more relaxed we are and comfortable with ourselves as we are, the more open and flexible we tend to be in terms of our views. And the more we use our views to give us a sense of worth, and the more we use this to compensate for a sense of lack and insecurity, the less flexible we tend to be, and the less we are inclined to question our views and assumptions.

How can we find more flexibility in how we relate to our thoughts?

We can expose ourselves to views and information that’s sane, grounded, and sincere while also different from what we are used to.

We can also more directly explore and question our thoughts. This may be easiest through a structured form of inquiry like The Work of Byron Katie, and it helps to be facilitated by someone familiar with the process.

We can recognize that thoughts have a practical function. They help us to orient and navigate in the world. They are pointers. They cannot give us any final or absolute truth. Thoughts are questions about the world.

We can explore whatever drives our need to identify with certain thoughts and ideas. Is it a sense of lack? Insecurity? What happens when we relate to these more intentionally and with more kindness, patience, and receptivity? What happens when we find healing for some of these issues?

And we can heal our relationship with ourselves, others, and the world. A more open heart tends to go hand-in-hand with a more open mind.

Why is this important?

Knowing the limits of our knowledge, assumptions, and insights helps us stay open to what’s outside of it. It helps us stay receptive, curious, and admit that we don’t know anything for certain.

It helps us have an open heart and mind.


Because of the pandemic, some Vortex Healing classes are now offered online rather than in person. The cost remained the same, and someone asked if it wouldn’t be reasonable to deduct the room cost from the tuition.

It’s a very reasonable question and one I have had for myself.

Many of the responses shows a lack of logical reasoning. For instance, the main teacher says they decided to keep the cost the same since students save on travel and lodging, but those two are not connected.

The reality is that the teachers can set any price they want. And students can chose to take the classes or not. That’s how it works in a capitalist system.

June 28, 2020


Distance healing, or energy or divine healing, is often called channeling.

I see why. It’s the divine – or life – that does the healing. We just invite it in, or pray for it. And it does seem that the system of the one inviting it in facilitates or supports the healing. In that sense, whomever is inviting it in is a channel.

At the same time, it doesn’t quite fit my experience. My experience is of the divine here – locally as me – inviting it in or praying for it. And then the healing happens as or in the divine over there, in and as the other person.

JUNE 29, 2020


When there is an invitation for us to heal, mature, clarify, and even awaken – as there is in any situation including the challenging ones – it’s easy to think of it in a small way. This is an invitation I can take or not. This is something I can do for my own sake. It’s something I need.

And yet, perhaps it’s equally much what the world needs.

In this situation, the world asks me to mature, grow, heal, even awaken. This is what the world needs locally through and as me.

This is not meant as pressure. If it becomes pressure, it’s because these thoughts are held too tightly. It’s more something to notice. If I think I am doing it for myself, perhaps it’s also something the world needs? Perhaps this comes up in my life because the world needs me to heal, mature, and so on.

Perhaps adding this perspective, with a light touch, can be inspiring and gives me courage and encouragement when this process is challenging?

This came up since my partner and I both participated in an online Vortex Healing course this weekend (Sensing) and we have both had strong anxiety and sadness come up after the class. It’s coming up to be met, loved, healed, and move through. It may be what we need. But perhaps it’s as much or more what the world needs.


Even when we are sure, we are just guessing

– attributed to Byron Katie

I posted this on social media and someone commented, saying that this is very bad and will paralyze us.

To me, acknowledging that we don’t know anything doesn’t preclude decisive action. The two can co-exist.

Acknowledging that we don’t know anything for certain is just being honest.

And decisive action is often needed in our life – in order to take care of ourselves, others, or the world.


Healing has a lot to do with perspective.

Someone who has been in home isolation since March said, understandably, that she was tired of cleaning and cooking. It’s important to acknowledge it and perhaps find some other practical solutions.

At the same time, the reality is that having a place to clean and food to cook is not anything we can take for granted. A lot of people have neither. This can open for empathy for others – and really all of us since it can happen to anyone of us. And gratitude for what we have.

There is room for being tired of something and having gratitude for it co-existing in us.


I read an interview with John Hodgman where he talked about his somewhat accidental TV fame. He pointed out that the mind will create stories about this type of fame and make it look like we earned it.

Many of us do that all the time. Any time we take credit for something, we overlook the innumerable causes that made it happen. The whole universe – going back to beginning of time and out to its widest reaches – made it possible and made it happen. There is very little (really not anything) for us, as a human being or separate self, to take credit for.

I did nothing to be born into a moderately well-off family in a wealthy and peaceful country. I did nothing to be born at a time where most of us don’t need to do physical labor. I did nothing to be born into a democracy. I did nothing to have an interest in nature – it just happened when I was relatively little. I did nothing to later have an interest in art, psychology, and spirituality – this too just came. I did nothing to have the initial awakening. I did nothing to be highly motivated in my studies – that too just happened. I did nothing to be motivated to explore spiritual practices – that too came as a visitor. And so on.

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