The characteristics of what I am

What am I to myself?

What are the characteristics of what I am?


I usually mention this in the context of something else, mainly since this side of it is quite simple, and the human side is far more complex and – in many ways – interesting.


It’s also something quite familiar to me.

In one sense, it’s all we have ever known so it’s inevitably familiar.

It’s also what I was between lives, which stayed with me into this – and came to the foreground in strong flashbacks in my childhood.

It’s what was revealed strongly in the initial oneness shift.

It’s what I have kept noticing since.

Aspects of my nature have come strongly into the foreground in different phases of the process.

It’s also what I have explored more thoroughly through meditation and different forms of inquiry – the Big Mind process, sense field explorations, the Kiloby inquiries, and so on.


As what I am in my own first-person experience, I find…

My nature is capacity for what’s here – whether it’s what a thought labels consciousness, awakeness, states, anything related to this human self (dullness, confusion, clarity, sadness, joy, etc.) and the wider world as it appears to me, or anything else.

It has an inherent awakeness, which – I assume – is the normal awakeness inherent in any consciousness.

It has no beginning or end in space. It’s what allows the experience of space to appear.

It has no beginning or end in time. It’s what allows any ideas of beginnings and ends of time and in time to appear.

What I am forms itself into any and all content of experience. It forms itself into what’s here – these hands typing, the computer, the sounds of the birds and cars in the distance, ideas of past and future and present, ideas of space and extent, ideas of this human self, and so on.

Night dreams and waking life both happen within and as what I am, so it all has a kind of dreamlike quality. It’s all made up of the consciousness I am.


This human self responds to this as it responds to anything else, and how it responds to it varies with circumstances and changes over time.

There is a kind of getting used to it and, maybe, maturing into and as it.

Also, many parts of this human self were formed from and within separation consciousness, largely through mimicking others in childhood. Many of these are still here and it’s an ongoing process for these to surface, be seen – and loved, examined, reacted to and struggled with, and so on – and eventually realign and reorganize more within my nature noticing itself.


There is always more to explore – in my nature, in this human self, in how this human self relates to it and lives from and as it or not.

My nature explores itself by expressing and experiencing itself in always new ways, as the experience that’s here.

And it also consciously explores itself, through these explorations I write about here,


  • the characteristics of what I am
    • what I am to myself
      • became familiar with between lives, observer-observed duality, oneness shift, phases when aspects of my nature come strongly to the foreground, thorough inquiry, etc.
      • capacity
      • no boundaries, no end or beginning in space
      • no time, no end or beginning in time
      • awakeness, just the normal inherent awakeness of (I assume) every consciousness
      • forms itself into any and all experience, the whole world as it appears to me

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