This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be made into a regular article in time.
APRIL 19
WINE, NOT LABELS
I like the wine and not the label.
– David Rose (Dan Levy) in Schitt’s Creek
This is a healthy and mature approach to people and relationships. It’s about the person, not the label.
In life in general, it’s about the person and not the label. We are all far more than and different from any label, and any of the labels others and we put on ourselves.
At the same time, with romantic relationships and sexuality, we are drawn to different things. In this case, he is pansexual, and that’s beautiful. When it’s embraced, it’s free and unbound by categories.
LAYERS OF IDENTITY
I find identities fascinating.
THE FUNCTION OF IDENTITIES
Why do we have identities? What are their function?
Mainly, they tell me who I am, what’s expected of me, and what roles and positions I have in society. They are a way for me to fit in, for me to function better in society, and for society to function better as a whole.
THE FOCUS THAT COME WITH IDENTITIES
Identities also give a focus. If I am a man, then what’s expected of me? How do I fulfill that role better?
They give a focus to my attention and to what I need to learn something about.
LAYERS OF IDENTITY
We have layers of identity.
I am someone who likes licorice and herbal & spice teas, and likes to have my main meal around mid-day. I am someone who don’t belong to any religion, but have affinity for Taoism, Buddhism, and mysticism. I “am” a psychologist. I am male. I am from Norway. I am European. I am human. I am mammal. I am part of this living Earth. I am a local and temporary expression of this universe. I am a local and temporary expression of Existence. I am what my experience – this world and this human self – happens within and as.
All of that is valid. All of it says something valid and important about me.
Together, all of these layers create a richer and fuller picture.
ACTIVATED BY CIRCUMSTANCES
Different identities come to the forefront at different times, depending on the circumstances. In one situation, an identity as a psychologist come to the foreground. In another, an identity as a man. Or a human being. Or an expression of Existence. It just depends on what the situation calls for and brings up and out in me.
EXCLUSIVE IDENTITIES…
Whether I see identities as exclusive or not makes a difference.
If I see them as exclusive, then adopting one excludes other possibilities. I am male, not female. I am Christian, not Buddhist. I am Norwegian, not anything else. I am heterosexual and not homosexual, pansexual, or any of that.
There are many upsides to this. It creates a set of clear conscious identities. I don’t need to spend time questioning them. They are not ambiguous and I know who I am (or who I think I am) and others know who I am (who I think I am).
It also comes with downsides. For instance, this is not really who I am or how the world is. I and the world are far richer than this. So it means that I will constantly be in some kind of maintenance modus to maintain and prop up my desired identities, and I will be in a kind of fight modus to defend my exclusive identities.
It also creates a sense of separation since I am this, and not that. I am this, and not what you are. It opens for more easy dehumanization of others, especially certain categories of others.
… AND OPEN IDENTITIES
There is another way, and that is to see identities as open. One does not exclude another.
I tend to see all identities as valid in their own way. None of them are really exclusive. I am male, and I have many feminine qualities. I find much of value in many different religions. I am mammal and through a deeper set of identities as part of this living planet, I also see myself intimately related to all life.
This opens for empathy. We are all in the same boat. I recognize myself in you, whatever you identify as. (At least, if I have some time to explore and familiarize myself with it in myself.)
The world is my mirror. Whatever story I have about someone or something else, I can turn it to be about myself and find genuine and specific examples of how it’s true. I can find it in myself. I am as rich as the world, and exploring and embracing that is an ongoing adventure.
There are downsides or shadow sides to this. It can lead to a subtle sense of superiority, which in itself is an exclusive identity! We can go too fast into a wide embrace, before our more basic and conventional identities are stable, established, and explored. We can use it as an excuse to be wishy washy, drifting, and not take a strong stance when it’s appropriate.
Since this goes a bit beyond where our culture is, this does require conscious and intentional exploration. That’s not for everyone. Not everyone has the resources or desire to engage in this. They are happy with their existing identities, and other things are more important. That’s perfectly valid, understandable, and healthy.
CENTER OF GRAVITY
I also have my center of gravity somewhere in these layers of identities. One center of gravity is my conscious identities, and another center of gravity is my visceral and lived identities. This center of gravity is fluid and will shift with circumstances and attention.
BIASES
My familiar identities lead to biases. My background, culture, history, and so on will all shape my familiar identities, and these color my perception.
It’s inevitable, and it’s good to be aware of.
It’s also beautiful since it leads to a collective richness of perspectives and experiences. Together, they give a fuller picture of how it is to be human.
IDENTITIES FROM ROLES
Some of our identities come from roles, and we can be more fixed or fluid in relation to these. If we use some of them to feel better about ourselves, we tend to make them more fixed.
This comes with downsides since it’s out of alignment with reality. Roles come and go. They are here in some situations and not others. They may leave our life completely at some point.
BIGOTRY
To the extent I use some identities to feel better about myself, they can lead to bigotry. If I use being Norwegian to feel better about myself, it can lead to nationalism and racism. Male -> sexism. Christian -> Islamophobic. Heterosexual -> homophobia. Human -> anthropocentrism and speciesism. And so on.
These all seem to come from a wish to boost a fragile sense of self-worth. That’s understandable, although they only give temporary relief, we need to engage with it repeatedly, and it does come with stress and inherent discontent.
I see this in myself. I use some identities – as someone who can see a little more clearly than some others, as someone who is more inclusive, and so on – to feel better about myself. I use it to elevate myself and put others down. It’s like peeing in my pants to stay warm. It can feel good in the moment, it doesn’t last and feels worse after a while, and if I am to get the good feeling again, I have to do it again.
After a while of noticing that dynamic, it looses its charm and attraction. It doesn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. The temporary good feeling is revealed as not really a good feeling, and more like a kind of temporary drug high. It’s not worth it.
IDENTITIES & IDENTIFICATION
There is an important distinction between identities and identifications. Identities are labels and can be useful as that, in some situations and to some extent. Identifications come from a belief, and reflect how strongly we hold onto the identity.
I have some identities that fit, to some extent, and I don’t have much identification with them. I have stronger identification with other identities. They are more important to me. They feel more central to who I take myself to be.
IDENTIFICATIONS AND BELIEFS
When I am identified with an identity, I am identified with a story. Or rather, I am identified with the viewpoint of the story. In a sense, I take myself to BE that viewpoint of the story.
Another word for that is belief. When I believe a story, I identify with – as as – the viewpoint of that story. I create an identify for myself out of the story.
I am Norwegian. I identify with that viewpoint, and take myself to be Norwegian.
THE REASON FOR BELIEFS
Why do we tend to believe some stories?
It seems to be an attempt to find safety.
If I tell myself that a story is true, then at least I know that it’s true. Something is certain, even if what the story tells me sometimes is painful.
In the background is another knowing. I know that I don’t know for certain if a story is true. I cannot know for certain.
Yes, stories may hold some validity, but others do too, and life is far more complex than any one story can capture, or even a set of stories can capture. Life is always more than and different from my stories about it, and I am more than and different from any of my stories about myself. This goes for even the stories that feel and seem the most true.
THE REASON FOR IDENTIFICATIONS
This is also why I create identifications. It feels safer. It means I know, to some extent, who and what I am.
That too is not entirely true, of course. I am more than and different from my ideas about myself.
HOW WE ADOPT BELIEFS AND IDENTIFICATIONS
How do we adopt certain beliefs and identifications? It usually has a lot to do with your upbringing and childhood. Those around us hold onto certain beliefs and identifications, so we learn to do the same. They tell us who we are, so we adopt those stories too. It seems the thing to do, and it’s all we can do as children.
As adults, it’s a different story. Now, we can identify and question these stories. We can see what fits and doesn’t fit so well. We can adjust and modify. We can also learn to see through them, and hold them more lightly.
JUST A FEW IDENTITIES VS A RICHNESS
If we have or embrace just a few identities, and if we see them exclusive, then each one may be held more strongly. We may primarily identify ourselves according to gender, job, religion, nationality, and so on. This can be helpful, and also quite limiting.
On the other hand, if our identities are rich and varied and we use the world as a mirror, we tend to be less identified with each one. They become part of a larger ecosystem of identities we find useful. Of course, even here, we may hold onto one or a few quite strongly.
RICHNESS OF LIFE AND EXPERIENCES
The more we use the world as a mirror, and the richer our identities are, the richer our perception and llife tends to be. We don’t feel the need to set limits based on labels. We can find more fluidity in how we are and live. For all of us, that’s helpful in some areas of life and in some circumstances.
And for some of us, this becomes our life. It becomes an ongoing and lived exploration.
WHY ARE SOME BE OPPOSED TO A RICH SET OF IDENTITIES?
Why are some opposed to a rich set of identities?
They may be happy with their familiar identities, and it’s not their priority to question and change them.
They may feel that their sense of self, or self-worth, is fragile enough as it is, so the thought of opening it up seems scary.
They may have a community that values exclusive and clearly defined identities, and fear not fitting in anymore if they embrace a richer set of identities.
Their current identities may seem familiar and safe, and it seems unsafe and scary to open it up.
They may see embracing a richer set of identities as belonging to groups they don’t identify with and don’t want to be associated with.
These are all examples of how systems want to maintain themselves. It’s also an example of how exclusive identities defend themselves.
DO WE HAVE IDENTITIES, OR DO OUR IDENTITIES HAVE US?
This all leads to an essential question: Do I have identities? Or do my identities have me?
Both are likely true.
I have identities. And my identities have me to some extent. They color my perception and guide my life.
Some questions are: What are my identities? What are my stronger ones? What are my conscious ones? What are the ones I am less conscious of, but can recognize from how I live my life?
And for each one: How am I owned by this identity? How does it color my perception? How and when does it dictate how I live my life? How would it be to live free from it? How would it be to include complementary or reverse ones?
I find The Work of Byron Katie very helpful in exploring this.
WOUNDS AND IDENTIFICATIONS
Wounds and traumas are often held in place by strong beliefs and identifications. It’s not all that’s holding them in place, but it’s often a vital component.
A healing process often involves making these painful beliefs, identities, and identifications more conscious, change our relationship with them, and find what feels better and more real for us.
VITAL FOR OUR LIVES
Identities and identifications are vital for how we perceive ourselves and the world, how live our lives, and for healing and awakening. That’s why I explore them in my own life, and write about them here.
They filter my perception of myself, others, and the world. They color and shape how I live my life. They are central to emotional and psychological healing, since strong beliefs and identifications are often at the core of emotional wounds and traumas. And awakening requires, or brings, a softening – or release – of identifications in general.
LIFE PROCESS
Our relationship with identities and identifications tend to change over our lifetime.
Here is one somewhat healthy version of this change:
As a child, we learn and adopt identities, identifications, and beliefs about ourselves and the world. We do this mostly without questioning it, and we learn how to be a functioning member of society.
As a young adult, we question these and find some that fit us and the times better. We may also expand and enrich our identities.
If we are drawn to it, we can go more in depth in this exploration. We can see the world as our mirror, and find and embrace an increasingly rich set of identities.
At some point, we may also notice our nature, and soften identifications in general – including to fundamentally, in our first-person experience, take ourselves as a human self, a doer, an observer, and so on.
SHIFT OUT OF IDENTIFICATIONS
There is also the possibility of a shift out of these identities and identifications.
In one sense, I am this human self in the world. That’s not wrong, and it’s an assumption that works relatively well – although it also comes with some inherent stress and discomfort.
When I look, I also find something else. I find I am what all experiences – this wider world, this human self, what any label points to – happens within and as. This field of experience is a seamless whole and includes this human self, the wider world, any sense of me or I, any sense of a doer or observer, and so on.
Here, there is a shift out of identities and identifications. This can be temporary, for as long as the noticing of my nature is here. (More accurately, for as long as my nature notices itself.)
Over time, as this is noticed and lived, there can also be a more general and lasting shift out of identifications.
This is a process and it’s not black and white.
ONGOING PROCESS
Our enriching, healing, and awakening journey does not have a finishing line.
Even if the world is our mirror and we embrace a rich set of identities, even if we are relatively healed, and even if our nature mostly recognizes itself, there will still be parts of us operating from beliefs and identifications.
This will inevitably color our perception and life, and exploring that is an ongoing process.
APRIL 20, 2026
IS THERE A CONNECTION BETWEEN HEALING & AWAKENING AND A PROGRESSIVE VIEW?
My impression is that many on a healing or awakening path seem to have liberal or progressive views.
SOME POSSIBLE REASONS
Why is that? Why do I and many others have that impression?
Here are a few possible reasons:
My orientation is generally liberal and progressive, so I tend to find others who are similar. I have lived in and sought out teachers in geographical areas that tend to be liberal and progressive (US West Coast), and I naturally resonate with people who have that orientation.
People who have a liberal/progressive orientation tend to be more open to new experiences, and may seek out healing and awakening paths more often than conservative.
Conservatives on a healing/awakening path may not advertise their orientation. They may feel in minority, and actually be in minority, so they keep it to themselves. I have seen that too, and it’s unfortunate and something to be aware of.
There is another and perhaps deeper reason. When we are on a healing or awakening path, we tend to deepen into empathy, open for a widening sense of we and us, and so on. This typically fits with a more liberal/progressive orientation.
WHO AND WHAT WE ARE
There is an important distinction we need to make here.
There is a difference between who we are – as this human self, what what we are – as capacity for the world. Our nature can notice itself no matter what political orientation this human self happens to have.
Whether our nature notices itself or not seems to have little to do with the characteristics of this human self. (In my case, it happened even if my human orientation was strongly atheist.)
In that sense, the two are distinct and can exist in many different combinations.
THE EFFECTS OF HEALING, MATURING, AWAKENING ON OUR HUMAN SELF
That said, over time, there seems to be a natural connection between healing, maturing, awakening, and our views – including our political views.
As mentioned earlier, through healing, maturing, shadow work, and awakening, we tend to find a wider embrace. We find a more easy empathy for others since we recognize ourselves in them, and them in ourselves. Our sense of We and US is widened, maybe to include all humans, all beings, and this living planet.
That does fit liberal and progressive policies better than many of today’s conservative policies.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO HAVE A CONSERVATIVE ORIENTATION?
There is a lot more complexity here.
For instance, there are many ways to be liberal/progressive, and there are many ways to be more conservative.
If we have a conservative orientation, what does that mean?
What do we seek to conserve? The privilege of the already privileged? Our culture and traditions? Life in a broad sense?
Although most would see me as quite liberal and progressive, I see myself as quite conservative as well. There is much I wish to conserve. I wish to conserve this living planet. I wish to conserve humanity, at least for a bit longer. I wish to conserve the best from human civilization – science, art, music, humanities. I wish to conserve dignity of life for all humans and life, including through social justice, human rights, and the rights of non-human beings and nature. I wish to conserve the possibility of a good life for future generations of humans and non-humans.
HOW MUCH HAVE WE DIGESTED OUR VIEW?
We all have some kind of political views with us when we start on a healing or awakening path.
To what extent do we examine and digest our political views and allow them to change as we change?
In some cases, we may keep our political views even after a good deal of changes in how we perceive ourselves and the world. They may still fit, with some modifications. Or we may not be so motivated to examine and change them to fit where we are now. For instance, we may still be in a social setting where people have conservative views, so it’s more comfortable to keep them.
In other cases, our views change and sometimes dramatically.
IS THERE A CONNECTION?
So what’s the conclusion then? Is there a connection between healing, maturing, shadow work, and awakening, and more liberal and/or progressive views.
I would say yes, no, and it depends.
Yes, that’s what we often see. What comes with these kinds of explorations does often match liberal and progressive views better. It does depend on what we mean by conservatism, and there are many ways to be conservative that match it too.
They are not inherently connected. Awakening can happen to any kind of human with any kind of views. They are two distinct realms, in a sense.
Yes, maybe over time. And over time, the deepening in empathy and the widening circles of me and us will be reflected in our political views. And in many cases, in our world, that may lead to more liberal and/or progressive views.
No, not necessarily. That said, I can also envision a world where that empathy and those widening circles match conservative views. There are examples of it today, and it’s easy to imagine a world where that’s more widespread.
In other words, it’s complicated. It’s far more complicated and complex than what I hint at here – or what any one of us can capture, or what we can collectively capture – and that’s beautiful.
APRIL 22, 2026
MY BEFORE-LIFE EXPERIENCE
I have written about this before, and thought I would revisit it.
FLASHBACKS
As a child, before school age, I would have flashbacks to the time before this life. They would typically come when I was out and alone on a sunny day and the sun filtered through the leaves, especially of the tall birch trees on the west side of the house.
These flashbacks were to a time before this life. I didn’t have body, all was golden light, and there was a profound sense of being home, and a profound sense of love and the presence of wisdom. It felt like my real home.
I don’t think it never occurred to me to mention it to anyone. I wouldn’t have found the words and it couldn’t be touched by words. It so clearly didn’t belong to this life so I must have suspected they wouldn’t relate. It also didn’t occur to me that it could be connected to the little I heard people say about God, religion, and so on. That seemed very abstract, and this was so far from abstract.
The description above was the aspects of it I was consciously aware of at the time. Looking back, I can say a few more things about it. Everything was consciousness. It was all golden light. There was that profound sense of home, love, and wisdom. And it was all one, a lived oneness that was not consciously reflected on. At the same time, there was a kind of center and “me”. There was a sense of timelessness, and of time passing in the far distance somewhere. There was not even the slightest hint of wanting anything else.
LONGING
Later in childhood, I would often wake up with a deep sense of longing. This was a longing that could not be touched by anything in my life at the time, not even my favorite things. (Bread with strawberry jam, drinking hot chocolate, reading Carl Barks stories, reading favorite books, being with my parents or friends, being out in the garden, and so on.)
ONENESS SHIFT
At age sixteen, I walked along the gravel path to my parents’ house, looked up at the star-filled night sky, a big wind blew threw the landscape, and there was a sudden shift. Everything without exception was revealed as God, as the divine, as Spirit. Everything is God expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself as that, including this human self and any sense of being a separate individual.
This came with a huge influx of energy (felt like high voltage going through regular housing wires), insights, and inspiration for music and art. The intense part of this process lasted for several years, well into my mid-twenties.
The shift itself never went away, although there is still a lot to clarify, deepen, mature, and so on related to it.
EFFECTS ON MY LIFE
What effects have these flashbacks had on my life? It’s difficult to say for certain, but I have a sense of what they are.
I was very interested in parapsychology – and also ghosts, UFOs, and similar – as a kid and in my teens. I was interested in what was slightly outside of the conventional world as it was presented to me. That may come from a knowing that there is more than what our culture presents as reality.
I rejected Christianity and religion early in life and became a self-professed atheist in elementary school. Christianity, as it was presented to me, seemed naive and one-dimensional. They asked me to pretend that something is true that I can’t check out for myself. It all seemed like second- and third-hand information and escapism.
I also love life and am in awe of this life and universe. I feel I am a brief visitor here (which we are, no matter what) and wish to make the most out of it.
Since early in life, it has felt like my real home is what I had those flashbacks to. This is just a temporary visit.
I have been fascinated by Near Death Experiences (NDEs) since childhood, likely because they remind me of these flashbacks. The essence is the same, although the details are different. It seems that the effects the flashbacks has had on me is also similar to the effects NDEs tend to have on people’s lives.
IMAGINING INTO IT
I did regression therapy in my early twenties. The intention was to go back into past lives, but I instead ended up in this time between lives. There were twelve beings there, immensely wise and loving and without a body. We all existed within and as the consciousness that was all there is.
They showed me this incarnation and asked if it was OK for me. I said yes but meant no. I really didn’t want it. They showed me that I would be part of an important transition for humanity, a small but important part like many (millions?) of others. Whether this was a kind of memory or imagination, it felt meaningful.
MY TASK – TO FIND IT HERE AND NOW
In the oneness shift, it was clear to me that this is what the flashbacks were about. This oneness I am and always are, whether it’s consciously noticed or not. The essence of the flashbacks and the oneness shift is oneness. That’s home. That’s my nature.
My sense is that my task in this life – or, at least, the task I am giving myself – is to keep finding it here and now, explore living from and as it, and inviting my human self to reorganize within it.
My task is, in a sense, to bring Heaven to Earth. To notice heaven here and now. To bring it in – through noticing and living from that noticing of my nature, to meet my experiences with kindness, and so on.
Note: I made this into a regular article.
MOURNING BIRTH AND CELEBRATING DEATH
Darby, love, I’ve always wanted to offer commiserations for birth and congratulations for death, but they’ll think there is something wrong with me.
– Darby Hudson from Darby, love
If I remember right, one of the vignettes from Kurosawa’s Dreams is about a village where they mourn birth and celebrate death. That makes as much sense as what most of us are familiar with.
Any newborn will experience a lot of suffering in their life, which is a cause for mourning. And any life has a lot of joys, which is worth celebrating at the end. Also, death can be a relief and something to celebrate.
When we celebrate a birth, it’s a celebration of our rosy red hopes for that child. We are celebrating a fantasy, and ignore what we know about human life. When we mourn a death, we mourn our own loss of that person. That’s obviously just one side of it, but it’s also true enough.
It’s easy to imagine a culture that’s like Kurosawa’s village.
MAY 1, 2026
FOMO IS A GUIDE
When I was in my teens and twenties, I often experienced Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). It’s still here, with some things and in some situations, but more quiet and in the background.
FOMO is a guide.
It’s a guide to fear-inducing unexamined thoughts. What do I fear I’ll miss out on? What’s the worst that can happen if I miss out? What happens when I hold onto each of those thoughts as true? How would I be here and now without them? What’s the validity in the reverse thoughts? (The Work of Byron Katie.)
It’s a guide to what I really wish and long for. What do I hope to get out of it, if I did it? What do I wish to get out of that? And that? What’s the essence of what I hope to get out of it? So far, when I explore this, I find innocent, universal, and beautiful wishes, and something I can bring into my life here and now. (Inquiry from Adyashanti.)
IF IT’S FEAR-DRIVEN, WHAT’S MISSING?
I notice that clarity comes without fear.
So if a statement is fear-driven or fear-inducing, it’s worth asking myself: Is this really true? What’s missing? What’s the more honest and clear version?
WHAT HELPED ME IN THE DARK NIGHT
Someone in my life (AL) seems to be going through a dark night of the soul.
What helped me through the darkest part of the dark night?
Asking the divine / life for help – for guidance, support, and making it a little easier.
Being in nature. Going for walks in the forest.
Listening to something clarifying, kind, and supporting. For me, it was the Dark Night of the Soul chapter of Mysticism by Evelyn Underhill, and a large number of talks by Adyashanti.
Healthy, nourishing, and alive foods. Drinking plenty of water.
Five Element acupuncture, although it only helped for a day or two.
Finding someone who has gone through it themselves. I was lucky to find someone (BMS) and we talked regularly on Skype.
Finding a community of others who have gone through it, or are going through it.
Reading about it, including books on spiritual emergencies.
Finding kindness towards one’s own experience, and especially that which our human self has trouble with.
Sleep. Rest. Nourishing activities and connections.
Being gentle with myself. Finding patience.
Learning to say honest yes and no. Prioritizing. Focusing on what’s important for you.
Tonglen, Ho’oponopno. Inquiry (The Work of Byron Katie, Kiloby Inquiries).
Mindful movement. Breema, yoga, tai chi, qigong. Especially Breema has been helpful for me since it’s so deeply nourishing.
Headless noticing. My nature noticing itself, including as what’s coming up – physical contractions, dread, hopelessness, anxiety, anger, grief, and so on.
Vortex Healing has been a major help for me over the last few years. It has helped stabilize my system, recover from latent virus and Lyme disease, and there is a sense of being held that has come with it.
In my experience, there was no way to solve or resolve the dark night. I had to live through it. It started slowly, then got dramatically worse, and now I may be at the tail end (not sure). That said, several people and things – including the ones mentioned above – have been an invaluable support.
LESSONS FROM THE WORLD OF CFS/ME FOR THE REST OF SOCIETY
Having lived with CFS/ME for some decades now, I have explored a few things.
Some of those can be valuable pointers for anyone, especially in our society and culture.
Self-worth. In our culture, we are trained to find our self-worth through achievements and activities. What if we are valuable as we are? What if we have inherent value, just like all life and all beings? What if we are OK and enough as we are?
Pacing. Life has seasons. What if we include those seasons through the day and over a series of days? What if activity is followed by rest? What if we schedule in rest? What if we find restful ways to do our activities?
Body comfortable. How is it to do what I am doing in a little more comfortable way? How is it to find a more restful, enjoyable, and nourishing way to do it?
Ask for help. In our culture, we are trained to be self-reliant and self-sufficient. How would it be to ask for help? What if it’s not a burden for the other? Maybe that person is happy to help, feel useful, and contribute to someone else’s life?
Find an authentic yes or no. When you say yes or no, is authentic? Are you fully on board with it? Is it something you need to say to yourself or the other first? What are you afraid may happen if you say an authentic yes or no? Is it likely to happen? Is it something you can live with?
Find a “yes” or “no” in your body. When deciding to do something or not, how would it be to do this: (a) Say “I can do it if I want, and I want to do it”. Notice how your body responds. Does it relax. Is there excitement? Does it come alive? If so, that may be a genuine yes. Does your body contract? Do you hold back your breath? That may be a no. Then, say to yourself: “I can do it if I want, and I don’t want to do it.” Notice your body’s response. Does it relax or come alive? Does it contract and hold back?
Find meaning. How is it to find meaning in your life as it is? Maybe in connecting with nature? In genuine connection with others?
Find joys in daily life. How is it to find joys in daily life? In what’s already here or what you can easily do? In watching the sun or rain out the window. In the song of a bird. A cup of tea. A delicious lunch. Music. A conversation. Sitting on the terrace.
Making friends with your body. How is it to make friends with your body? As it is? It’s here for you. Every second of every day it’s here for you. It’s doing its best to support your life.
Making friends with your life. How would it be to make friends with your life? As it is? How would it feel? What would change? What stands in the way? What beliefs and identities may stop you? How would it be if they were not there? If you saw through them and they didn’t have a hold on you?
Making friends with your experiences. How would it be to make friends with your experience as it is here and now? The discomfort? Contractions? Anxiety? Frustrations? What if your experience right now is OK? What if it was OK to make friends with it?
Thanking contractions. When I notice contractions in myself – scared parts of me – I thank them. They are here to protect me. They were formed as a way for my psyche to protect me, often early in life. They come from care for me, and love for me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me. Stay as long as you want.
The essence of wants. Take any wish, want, or need. What do you hope to get out of it? What do you hope to get out of that? Continue until you arrive at a simple essence. (This simple essence may turn out to be universal, innocent, and even beautiful.) Do this with many of your wishes, wants, or needs. Is the essence of what you wish for already here? How is it to notice? Also, how can you bring it into your life more? (Adyashanti.)
Needs may be wishes. Is what you think of as a need really a need? Isn’t it really more of a want or wish? If so, how is it to admit that to yourself? (Byron Katie.)
Change “have to” to “want to”. Notice when or if you say “I have to…” to yourself or someone else. How is it to change it to “I want to… because…”? Is that more honest and authentic? How does it feel? (Marshall Rosenberg, NVC.)
Refining goals. I had to let go of some goals and find new ones, more appropriate to my situation and circumstances. That can be painful, although also rewarding. The new goals can be as good as the previous ones, or even better. They can come from more authenticity.
Nourish nourishing relationships. I have let go of relationships that were not so nourishing, and instead nourished – and sought out – more genuinely nourishing relationships. Nourish the relationships that make you come alive.
Nourish nourishing activities. Find, engage in, and prioritize nourishing activities, the ones that make you come alive.
Find connections with the larger whole. We are already part of this living planet and this unfolding universe, although we also live in a culture with a separation worldview. How is it to explore and deepen into these connections with the larger whole? (Deep ecology, Practices to Reconnect, Universe Story, Epic of Evolution, lived cosmology, EcoSpirituality, etc.)
One way I see CFS/ME is as a correction to our mainstream culture with its emphasis on productivity and finding value and identity through work. In this culture, more is better. Work hard and play hard. There is a one-sidedness here, and the world of CFS/ME is a correction to this one-sidedness. It’s a way for life to balance it out. There are important lessons from the world of CFS/ME for the rest of society.
[Made into a regular article]
MEDITATION IS THE DIVINE UNCONSCIOUS BECOMING CONSCIOUS
I saw this quote (paraphrased) on social media the other day, and it seems valid enough.
All beings are expressions of the divine, local and temporary eddies in the flow of the divine. Often, among humans, the divine doesn’t consciously recognize its nature. It takes itself to fundamentally be this human self.
Meditation is an invitation from the divine to itself to notice its nature, to be conscious of its nature. And then, to keep noticing, and keep exploring how this human being can live from and as it. How is to allow this human self and his life to reorganize within this noticing?
SHE’LL MAKE UP WHAT YOU ARE THINKING AND GET IT WRONG
If you don’t talk about it, she’ll just make you what you are thinking and get it wrong. Most of the time, talking is better than silence.
– From the most recent episode of BBC’s Beyond Paradise, paraphrased slightly
I love it when mainstream series or movies have little golden insights and pointers like this. It’s not revolutionary, but it’s a very good and healthy pointer and reminder.
PERCEPTION VS HOW WE RELATE TO IT
When I was in my teens, I remember mentioning to an older man: It’s how we relate to it that matters, more than the situation itself. (He got upset and responded: Shut up until you are dry behind the ears. I guess that’s why I still remember it.)
It’s true enough. In one sense, and in a conventional language, it’s all about how we relate to and deal with a situation. That will determine our experience of it.
And yet something else is more true.
It’s all about perception. When we talk about how we relate to a situation, that assumes that our perception of the situation is accurate and helpful in the first place. It may not be. There may be more to explore there.
What are my stories about the situation? What are my underlying assumptions? What do I find when I bring these to awareness and examine them? What’s more true for me?
This changes not only how I relate to a situation, but my perception of the situation itself. My perception is how I relate to it.
MAY 2, 2026
MORE REAL THAN REAL **
When the initial oneness shift happened, what was revealed was more real than real.
That was the visceral and immediate experience.
It’s more real than waking life. It’s more real than anything within content of experience.
Why? Because it’s my nature noticing itself. It’s this awake space noticing itself.
And that’s more fundamental than any of the content of experience it shapes itself into.
It is, in a sense, more real than any content of experience.
It’s more real than real.
[Made into an expanded article]
MAY 6, 2026
MATCHING PRACTICE WITH THE PERSON & PROCESS
About ten years ago, I started on the Finder’s Course.
I love the idea of it, and I am familiar with most of the content of the course and find the individual practices very helpful. I also see that the course itself can be very helpful for many. I assume it’s meant to introduce a range of practices to people so they can chose the ones that works for them and they resonate with.
At the same time, it wasn’t a good match for me at the time, for a few reasons: (a) I didn’t have very good internet access at the time since I was in the mountains in southern Oregon. (b) I was already in a (sensitive) process that required specific approaches and practices, and going through a series of practices like that felt mechanical and disruptive. And (c) it turned out I was already familiar with most if not all (?) of the practices, so I already had them on my menu to explore and chose from.
In general, it seems important to match the practice with the person and the process they are in. If they are just getting started, it may be of benefit for them to explore a range of practices to see where the match is, and so they have a larger menu of options for the future. And if they already are in a process, it seems helpful to find one or a few that supports that specific process.
NEVER HAD A GLIMPSE OF THEIR NATURE?
At the dishwashing station in the Western Café at Amma’s ashram, I overheard two older men talking about how they never have had any glimpse of their nature, even after decades of spiritual practice.
I understand, and I assume their practice has still been deeply transformative, especially if it was done with some sincerity and dedication.
And it doesn’t have to be that way. There are ways for just about anyone to notice their nature, or – more accurately – for their nature to notice itself.
I find the Big Mind process and the Headless experiments to be especially helpful. Other forms of inquiry can also do it, including the Kilby Inquiries (sense field inquiry).
I also assume that they may have had glimpses, or more than glimpses, of their nature, and they may have dismissed it. It may have seemed too simple, ordinary, obvious, and familiar. It may have come without the fireworks they may have expected.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DO TONGLEN? **
In my late teens or early twenties, when I first found tonglen, I remember reading that some Tibetan traditions say it’s the only practice you need. I can see how that’s valid. It’s profoundly transforming, and it invites the oneness we are to notice itself.
That said, I thought it would be interesting to explore, in more detail, what happens when I do it.
TONGLEN PRACTICE
In tonglen, I visualize someone in front of me, breathe in their suffering in the form of dark smoke, and breathe out light that fills them.
It can be someone my personality likes, is neutral to, or dislikes. It can be someone I know, someone public, a fictional character, a figure from a dream, or anyone else. It can be one or a group of any size. It can be myself at any age and any situation. It can be Earth as a whole. I can be all beings in existence.
SOME OF WHAT I NOTICE
When I do tonglen, I notice that…
I reverse my habitual pattern of avoiding suffering. Instead of avoiding suffering, I breathe it in. I create a new habit of meeting and welcoming it.
It helps my heart and mind to be receptive. Instead of closing down and reacting when faced with suffering, I open up.
It heals my enemy images. It humanizes the other. I see them as more fully human, like myself.
It reminds me we are all in the same boat. I see myself in them, and them in myself. We all suffer and we all seek freedom from suffering. We all seek love, to be loved, and to find ourselves as love.
It’s shadow work. I am viscerally reminded that what I see in the other, that my personality doesn’t like, is also here in me.
Through intentional use of imagination, I can find healing for my relationship to others, myself, and the world. It invites healing for my issues in general, which is especially noticeable when I do tonglen with myself now or at some point in the past.
It opens for empathy. It opens for pragmatic empathy and it doesn’t seem sentimental or naive.
It reminds me of emptiness. When I do tonglen, it’s clear that it happens within and as the consciousness I am, just like waking life.
It opens for love. It opens for love in two forms. One from recognizing that it’s all happening within and as the oneness I am. This is a love that’s not dependent on states, feelings, or anything within the content of experience. It also opens for felt love and compassion, which is more ephemeral and no less important.
It’s a reminder of oneness. It softens any sense of I/me versus you/them. Tonglen is happening within and as the consciousness I am, just like waking life (and dreams).
It’s visceral. It’s felt. It includes the body.
It helps me shift from thinking to noticing. Instead of going into thought – whether analysis or rumination, I am noticing what’s here and I am viscerally with suffering and love.
It helps me explore suffering in a practical way. I don’t have to be a passive victim to suffering. I have a practical workable way to explore it.
It reminds me that empathy can be trained. Through tonglen and other practices, I can train empathy and compassion.
It helps me shift from judgment to curiosity. I may be caught up in judgment before I do tonglen, and tonglen helps me shift to receptivity and curiosity.
It’s a reminder of the healed and awake version of them. They have that potential. It may not happen in this life, that’s OK, and it helps me to be reminded of that potential.
It’s fascinating. Doing tonglen is fascinating to me. It’s new, fresh, and visceral.
I can do it in daily life. I can do it for some seconds or minutes between activities. I do it when walking or doing simple tasks at home. I do it before falling asleep and after waking up. It’s easily woven into daily life.
It’s a reminder of my connection with the larger ecological whole. When I do it for animals, ecosystems, and Earth as a whole, it’s a reminder of how I – as this human self – am a part of this larger ecological whole.
It shows me where I hold on. Sometimes some resistance comes up when I do tonglen. That’s shows me where there is more to explore. It’s also a reminder to keep doing tonglen until that resistance softens, and to revisit it again later. (This resistance was stronger and more frequent in the beginning, now it’s softer.)
When I do it for myself at a particular age or in a particular situation, I invite healing for that version of me, and that part of me that’s here now. I like to go through the timeline of my life and do tonglen for myself at times when I felt distressed.
It opens for healthier boundaries. When there is less resentment and judgment, it’s easier for me to have clean boundaries without reactivity.
It invites discernment. Tonglen emphasize how the world is my mirror and how it all happens within and as the oneness I am. The other side of this coin is exploring healthy boundaries and discernment.
It helps me digest my personal life. It helps me digest my own suffering, painful experiences, and struggling parts of me.
It helps me digest what’s happening in the world. I often experience grief – and sometimes anger, hopelessness, anxiety and more – over what’s happening with the world, both ecologically and among humans. Tonglen helps me digest it.
Tonglen is nourishing. It turns suffering into something I feel nourished and enlivened by.
It brings the personal and universal together.
It feels good. Holding onto a perception of separation, and resentment and judgment, is uncomfortable. Tonglen feels good. I feel good when I do it.
….
subheadings: heart, insight, shadow, oneness, daily life, boundaries, the world,
I heal my relationship with them and/or myself.
When I heal my relationship with someone in this way, I heal my relationship with a part of me. They exist as parts of me and my world, and that’s what gets healed.
I get to see them and me as objects within experience. There is a softening of identification with this this human self and anything associated with him. And that makes it easier for my nature to notice itself.
CHRONIC FATIGUE IS NOT THE SAME AS CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME
Chronic fatigue is not the same as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
Chronic fatigue can have a large number of causes, and it only points to a lasting fatigue. It can come from stress, burnout, sleep deficiency, nutritional deficiency, auto-immune disease, cancer, and more.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME) is a specific condition. It’s typically a post-viral or post-infection disorder. It’s characterized by post-exertion malaise, a sometimes dramatic worsening of symptoms after even mild activity. Flu-like symptoms. Cognition is impacted, sometimes dramatically (brain fog). The system has trouble regulating in general, including temperature, digestion, emotions and mood, and so on. Research has found abnormalities in most if not all systems of the body associated with CFS.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is an unfortunate name for the condition since it makes it sound like simply (a) lasting fatigue with (b) no particular known cause. It’s far more than that, and far more debilitating than fatigue itself.
MAY 7, 2026
PARADOXES AND ASSUMPTIONS
I wanted to revisit this briefly.
In the mid-2000s, I had a meeting with a non-dual teacher in Oregon. For a few months, I had been in a state where the no-self aspect of my nature was far in the foreground, and was curious about it and wanted to see if he had pointers for me. (Since the initial oneness shift in my teens, I have gone through different phases where different aspects of my nature is in the foreground.)
He asked me: Do you experience paradoxes?
I was taken aback by the question. It didn’t make sense to me, and didn’t seem related to why I was there. Also, the answer was no, I didn’t experience paradoxes.
His response was: Then it’s not awakening. He was not interested in any further conversation and sent me out.
I was even more surprised and have pondered this now and then since.
In the following days, I remembered that I did experience paradoxes for a while after the initial oneness shift when I was sixteen. That was twenty years earlier, and a lot had changed since then – including that any sense of paradox had gone away.
Thoughts are seen as thoughts. They all have some validity, and the question is more to explore what kind of validity each one has. No thought has any final, full, or absolute truth. They are questions about the world. Here, there are no paradoxes. Just limited validity in each thought, including in reversals of each thought. I had explored that in-depth since that initial shift.
My best guess about the interaction is that he thought, for whatever reason, (a) that I was there to have some kind of awakening confirmed, and (b) that this somehow was new for me. In that context, his question would make some sense.
In reality, I was there for pointers about how to explore and work with that particular state, and the initial oneness shift had happened two decades earlier. Any sense of paradox from earlier in the process had given way to a different relationship with mental representations.
I see that I made assumptions too. I made an assumption that he would somehow know essential information about my background and the context without me saying anything about it.
What’s my lesson in this? I think it’s a few things. (a) In this case, I was seeking out a group and teacher that felt off to me. Even before this interaction, they seemed too focused on the awakening shift itself and not the process – which is ongoing before and after. (b) Don’t assume someone will know, pick up, or ask for essential info. Make it clear to them, if it’s important. (c) I resonate with teachers who are receptive, attuned, and also able to pick up information directly through sensing. These are around, and I have connected with several and found those connections far more rewarding.
SMALL IS BIG
I listened to Amma’s livestream today where she talked about taking care of things in our lives, whether we think they are big or small things.
In this context, small is big.
The way I relate to life is the way I relate to life, whether my mind calls it a small or big thing.
And it just feels better to do it with some kindness and care.
There are also some practical reasons. The way I deal with apparently small things in my life is how I deal with apparently big things. And in the small things, I create habits and train myself to respond in a certain way.
That’s why I like to keep my house clean and tidy, be kind and polite to the AI, talk kindly to plants and animals, and so on. It feels better, and I do it for my own sake.
The reverse is also the case here. In how I deal with small things, I get to see how I deal with bigger things. I can notice when I am careless, frustrated, caught up in fear, and so on and what happens, both with the apparently small and big.
HAVE I FOUND MYSELF?
I listened to this interview with Eva zu Beck where she mentions finding oneself.
FINDING ONESELF
What does it mean to find oneself?
I imagine it can mean a few different things.
It can mean finding a relationship, friends, place, work, and so on that feels like a good fit and home.
It can mean finding and engaging in something deeply meaningful to oneself. (Victor Frankl.)
It can mean doing what makes us come alive. (Howard Thurman.) (This can be slightly different from finding meaning.)
It can mean finding some degree of authenticity in life. (Existentialism, humanistic psychology, etc.)
It can mean learning to meet oneself and one’s experiences with kindness and love. This feels like coming home. (Buddhism, Pema Chödrön, Kristin Neff, etc.)
It can mean finding wholeness as a human being – healing, embracing shadows, and using the world as a mirror. (CG Jung, shadow work, parts work.)
It can mean finding oneself as part of the larger whole. This can be the larger social whole and community, the larger ecological whole, and the larger whole of this universe and existence. (Deep Ecology, Epic of Evolution, Universe Story, Practices to Reconnect.)
It can mean to find ourselves as participants in the evolution of this living system we call Earth and the seamless whole of the universe and existence. We are, by definition, at the leading edge of this evolution and consciously participating in this can be profoundly meaningful, exciting, and humbling. (Thomas Berry, Brian Swimme, Teilhard de Chardin, Sri Aurobindo, etc.)
It can mean to notice our nature, keep noticing through situations and states, explore how to live from this, and inviting our human self to reorganize within this noticing. (Spiritual traditions, Big Mind process, Headless Way.)
Each of these are an ongoing process without any finishing line. Life is always changing. There is always more to clarify, discover, and deepen into.
HAVE I FOUND MYSELF?
Have I found myself?
As usual, the answer may be yes, no, and it depends.
I find myself…
When I meet my experience with kindness.
When I notice and follow my inner guidance and knowing.
When my nature notices itself.
When I use the world as a mirror, and especially when I find in myself what bugs me in someone else.
When I viscerally feel myself as part of the larger whole, this seamless unfolding living planet, and this seamless existence.
When I am consciously part of the evolution of this universe and consciously participate in a certain direction of this evolution. For instance, through the Long Journey Home project and our regeneration project in the Andes.
Through Finca Milagros and the regeneration and food forest project there, which feels deeply meaningful to me.
[Made into a regular article]
WHEN WE RECOGNIZE OUR NATURE
This is another topic I am revisiting.
We can have all kinds of ideas about what it means to notice our nature, and for our nature to notice itself. We may think it’s difficult, far away, something special, something unfamiliar, something for others, and so on.
We may notice our nature and not recognize it. We may think what we are looking for should be more special, more different, more unusual. That it should come with fireworks and bells and whistles. That it should transform us immediately.
We may recognize it and not see the point. There is not really any point. (Although our personality will see the point in it if we allow it to unfold and deepen over time since it’s so deeply transforming.)
We may recognize it, see the point, and choose not to engage in it. It may seem scary. We may be unwilling to meet all the unprocessed material that eventually tends to come up. We may not want the changes we are afraid it will require of us – in terms of priorities, relationships, family, work and so on. (Of course, the process may unfold anyway whether we want or not.)
In my experience, it’s simple, it’s very familiar, it’s close, and it’s already home. It may seem unremarkable. (And sometimes it does come with fireworks, which is fun and can become a distraction.)
If we keep noticing and live within that noticing, it is profoundly transforming. Everything changes. The full effect of the noticing shows itself over time.
And as I often mention, it’s an ongoing process without any finishing line. It only happens here and now. It’s always fresh and different. Over time, there is more to notice, explore, and try out.
SHOW YOUR WORK
I saw a medical doctor on social media talking about how many of her essential lessons in life were learned at different times in kindergarten thought high school.
One of these is show your work. Don’t just offer the conclusion, show how you got there. That’s a good pointer. When we do, it gives important context and makes it more personal, understandable, and relatable.
On this blog, I think I mainly presented the conclusions for many years. More recently, I have aimed at including my background and process more.
MAY 12, 2026
ILLUSIONS BY RICHARD BACH
In my late teens, I discovered the writings of Richard Bach and enjoyed them for a brief period. I saw his book Illusions: The adventures of a reluctant Messiah on the shelf where I am staying and read it again.
It’s well written and the style fits the topic and message, and it’s inspiring and comes from a sense of freedom. I enjoy reading it and a part of me still loves his writing.
At the same time, it’s about miracles and content of experience. It is, in a way, the dream of the ego. At best, it’s about some of the possible side-effects of awakening.
The true miracle is that anything is at all, and life itself. That’s more of a miracle than walking on water.
And the essence of spirituality is about our nature noticing itself and our human self living and reorganizing within that noticing. It’s not primarily about content of experience. It’s about the context of all experience. It’s about finding ourselves as what all our experiences happens within and as, including regular life and miracles or whatever it may be.
ASKING WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT SOMEONE WANTS **
When someone in our life is in distress, it’s a good idea to not assume we know what they want or need.
How can I be most helpful? Would you like me to listen and be with you? Or would you like to talk about solutions? Or practical help? Something else?
In most cases, we first need to the presence of the other and to be heard. After that, and in some cases, we may want to talk about solutions, or we may need some practical help.
If we immediately are met with a fixing attitude – for instance words of advice or encouragement, it can be frustrating. We don’t want to be fixed, we just want someone to listen and be with us. This can lead to us saying “no” to whatever they are suggesting, which can be frustrating to the other as well. We are not saying no to the specifics but to the fixing approach itself.
When we notice that “no” loop, we can take it as a reminder to step back and remember that what’s needed may just to listen, witness, and offer our presence.
In general, and on both sides of this, it’s helpful to be aware of the different kinds of support possible, and ask what’s needed or wanted.
There is an of exception to this, and that is when you know someone well and are aligned. I have a friend in Marin (KL) who knows me well enough to just encourage me to feel and allow what’s here, and find myself as what it all happens within. That’s enormously helpful to me. She doesn’t need to ask since we have that understanding.
There is also another way to meet someone in distress, and that is to join in with the stressful stories, blame, guilt, and so on. That’s not really helpful, and I tend to stay out of that. I also tend to nurture friendships with people who won’t go there. That’s what I wish for when I am in distress.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW? **
The most helpful sessions or conversations I have had are the ones where the other helps me notice what I already know.
They may encourage me to trust myself. They may encourage me to follow my inner knowing and guidance.
They may ask… What do you know that you don’t want to know? What advice would you give a good friend in that situation? What would the best advice for you be? What would someone wise, kind, and deeply familiar with you and the situation say – or do? What would you do if you trusted yourself? What would you do if you couldn’t fail? What would someone healthy and mature do? What would a healthy and mature version of you do?
They may invite me to notice how my body responds. If it’s a yes or no situation, then say: I can do it if I want, and I want to do it. Notice how the body responds. Is it with a contraction, tightening, or shallow breath? Or with relaxation, relief, and/or aliveness? The first may be a no, and the second a yes. Then do the same with the reverse statement: I can do it if I want, and I don’t want to do it. Again notice how the body responds.
They may help me notice the difference between fear and inner knowing. Fear is often contracted, defensive, reactive, complicated, insistent, and repetitive. Inner knowing is quiet, simple, grounded, and not interested in convincing anyone.
They may help me trust not knowing. It may not be time to know yet. It may become clear with time or more information. In my case, it often becomes clear closer to when I need to make a decision.
They may invite me to shift my relationship with it. Feel the sensations as sensations. Find myself as presence for it. See how it is to allow and welcome it. Rest with it. Notice the space around it. (Notice it’s made up of space.) This can give space for our inner knowing.
It can happen in a more structured way too, for instance, through The Work of Byron Katie. It’s designed to help us find our own answers, and sometimes bring to awareness what we already know.
APOLOGY VS REPAIR **
An apology is a good first step when there has been a rift between people. It shows that we understand that our words or actions hurt the other, we are sorry for that hurt, and there is a different way to do it, and we wish to do it differently in the future.
Repair goes further. It’s often needed to more fully restore trust and a sense of safety with the other, and if done well, it can deepen and strengthen the relationship.
Repair includes…
Talking in some detail about what happened so both understand the sequence of events.
Exploring misunderstandings. What did we say? What did we mean? How did we understand the other?
Exploring wounds and reactivity. What was triggered? Where does that come from? How did the wounds and reactivity in one trigger wounds and reactivity in the other? How did it escalate? (If it did.)
Recognizing the dynamic between the wounds in both of us. In most cases, it’s not about you or me, it’s about the dynamic between us.
Recognizing the role of old wounds. What happened is, most likely, rooted in intergenerational and collective wounds. It came from somewhere else. It’s not as personal as it seems.
These steps help shift it out of blame and into understanding. It reveals the innocence in it. (Even if the consequences can be harmful.)
Finding concrete steps we can take next time something similar happens. Agree to make an effort to recognize that it’s starting to happen, and do it differently.
[Made into a regular article]
HOW DID I TREAT THE OTHER, INDEPENDENT OF REASONS? **
I sometimes listen to Near Death Experiences (NDEs).
In a recent one, the person mentioned that he viscerally felt and experienced how his words and actions had impacted others, and that this was removed from any reasons or justifications for his actions.
That’s an important clarification, and I see that it’s a pointer for my life in general.
Of course, it’s good to be aware of some of the reasons why I speak and act the way we do. Sometimes, it is rooted in reactivity, fear, wounds, and so on. This gives me some empathy and understanding for myself, and can help me be more aware of these patterns and possibly intervene when I see myself starting to engage in those patterns again.
At the same time, it’s good to acknowledge the impact on the other, without any justification. This gives another clarity and it can be quite harsh, which is sometimes good medicine.
When did I treat someone unkindly or harshly, in words, actions, or thoughts? How did I justify it for myself, and soften its impact on me? How would it be to remove that justification and only look at my actions and their impact on the other?
The first that comes to mind is my anger towards the architects responsible for the roof collapse of our house in Colombia, their immediate and persistent denial, and then suing us for defamation based on a third-party report that found them responsible. My response is understandable in that situation. My wife and I almost lost our lives when the roof collapsed, it was a traumatic experience that gave me PTSD, and it will cost us a lot of money to replace the roof. And yet, that anger comes from reactivity, wounds, and fear in me.
It was more than anger, it was also a desire for revenge. Someone more healed and whole would react differently. Some anger may still come up, but channeled in a constructive direction and without the desire for revenge. Without the justification, I see my reactivity more clearly and its impact on them.
TODAY, I CAN GIVE YOU A HEALING SESSION
Due to the CFS/ME, and possibly for other reasons, I am unable to channel on some days, and I can’t predict when it will happen or for how long. That’s why I am don’t have energy healing / Vortex Healing clients.
I talked with a friend in Vortex Healing today (AL), and she told me about one of her friends (W) who apparently got burnt out, and now are in a similar position where he can only channel on some days and it’s not predictable when it will happen.
What he does is simple and brilliant. He has a list of clients, and will message them on days where he can channel asking them if they are up for a session that day. It works for him. It seems to work for his clients. And there is an important lesson in how he does it. Through his system, he is demonstration how he is taking care of himself and his clients, that it’s OK to do it in a creative and unconventional way, and that it’s often possible to find a solution even if it may not look like what we are familiar with.
MAY 14
WHAT COMES UP – IDENTIFYING WITH VS RELATING TO INTENTIONALLY
I received a healing session from SH about five weeks ago (close to Vortex Healing), and it has brought up some deep and early wounds in me – hopelessness, freeze, unlovable, self-sabotage, self-hatred.
From decades of exploring healing, I have a range of tools to use to relate to it more intentionally but I still find it challenging when what comes up is so deep and raw.
I know that’s normal. It’s easier when we are less identified with it, and it gets more muddled and murky when it has been and is central to who we take ourselves to be.
It’s also humbling since I feel I should be better at navigating it.
This has all been more challenging since the “lid was taken off” 15+ years ago. When something surfaces now, it fills my whole world/experience and it comes up unfiltered and raw.
Sometimes, I involuntarily get caught up in what comes up. I identify with it and feel I am it and what it describes. I see how it colors and influence how I am and act. It can be straining on relationships, and I know I have made bad decisions in the past when deep things surface in me. I have some fear of repeating that. I see it as it’s happening, but that doesn’t stop the identification or living from and as it.
When it surfaces, it fills my whole world and experience, and I am swimming in it. My world becomes hopelessness, freeze, and so on. Nothing is not it. It fills and colors the whole of the consciousness I am.
And sometimes, I am able to relate to it more intentionally. Labeling. Thanking. Noticing as consciousness. And so on.
NOTE: This is one of the things we need to navigate differently from oneness. When we are caught in separation consciousness, what comes up is there and I am here. When all is recognized as consciousness, there is no longer that separation.
MAY 18, 2026
PERCEPTION OF TIME **
I find my perception time fascinating, and my perception of the past and future is a clue to my perception of what my thoughts call here and now.
PAST
Something that happened years or decades ago seems like it happened yesterday, and also as if it happened ages ago. That’s fascinating and perhaps also not so surprising.
My images of the past are just that, images. They are literally imaginations.
I imagine my past and call it memory.
In that way, it feels like yesterday. It’s alive and fresh in imagination.
It also feels like ages ago. It feels distant. Like a dream.
The future is the same. It’s literally imagination. It only exists in images.
FUTURE
I can only find past and future here, in my images here and now.
They are guesses about the future, based on my images of the past and present.
PRESENT
This says something about my perception of what my thoughts call the present.
That too is here in my images here and now, along with what’s here in the other sense fields.
It’s happening with and as what I am. It’s happening within and as the consciousness I am. It’s made out of the consciousness I am. It’s made out of this awake space.
MY NATURE
Any exploration of my perception of (what my thoughts call) the past, future, and present inevitably brings me back to my nature.
It points to my nature as this awake space that forms itself into it all.
It points to my even more fundamental nature of capacity for it all.
A capacity that forms itself into it all – consciousness and all it forms itself into.
GAINING SUBSTANCE THROUGH SENSATIONS
If my experience of the past, future, and present happens within and as the consciousness I am, why does it sometimes seem real and with a substance.
It’s because my mind associates certain physical sensations with certain images of the past, future, and present. The sensations gives it a sense of substance and reality. And the images give a sense of meaning to the sensations.
Since sensations come and go, for anything to appear persistently real and solid, it needs to be associated with persistent sensations. And for sensations to be there persistently, there needs to be contraction, a physical contractions of the muscles.
That’s why issues, wounds, and traumas come with chronic muscle contractions. They depend on them. That’s also why issues, wounds, and traumas can be approaches throughout the mind or the body since they are made up of both.
SEED
The seed for this brief exploration was someone on Facebook posting a Kanzeon event photo from twenty years ago, saying it felt recent and also a very long time ago. That’s my experience too of what happened years or decades ago, and there is a reason for it, as outlined above.
[Made into a regular article]
MAY 21, 2026
HOW TO DEAL WITH A DARK NIGHT OF TRAUMA **
At some point in the awakening process, anything unresolved tends to surface – to be seen, felt, loved, and recognized as made up of what we are and the divine.
I have gone through this for 15-20 years now, and I find myself in the position to support someone else (AL) who seems to have entered that phase. It’s an honor.
What’s most helpful when we are in that phase? Here is some of what I have found for myself.
Find someone who has gone through it themselves. That can be immensely helpful. You get to see it’s not just you, and that there is something on the other side of it. You may also get some useful practical pointers. (Or not, it just depends what works for you.)
Explore how to meet our experience with kindness. Structured approaches like tonglen and ho’oponopono can be very helpful, both with ourselves now and through our timeline, and others in our life.
Give it all to the divine – the contractions, discomfort, painful memories, painful thoughts, our life as a whole, and everything.
Ask life/the divine for help. Including for finding the support, circumstances, and orientations that will be the most helpful for us. And perhaps also to make it a little easier for us.
Be in nature. Be with plants and animals.
Use your body. Move, walk, run, swim.
Express – in words, art, music, dance, or whatever comes to you. This is for yourself so you don’t need to share it with anyone. (And if you want to share, that’s fine too.)
Find others going through the same, or who has gone through the same. There are online communities for this these days.
Read or listen to interviews about it. There are good books on dark nights, spiritual emergencies, and so on, and also podcasts.
Explore how to find peace with what’s coming up and your life. The intention, combined with meeting your experience with kindness and so on, will help move it in that direction.
Be patient and generous with yourself. This can be immensely challenging. Just getting through the day is amazing. You don’t need to do everything or anything perfect. It’s a process.
Distract yourself when you need to. That’s fine and a part of the process.
Explore painful thoughts. Identify them, investigate, and find what’s honestly more true for you. The Work of Byron Katie is excellent here. For instance, is it true it’s overwhelming? That it’s too much? That I can’t bear it?
Do trauma work with someone experienced, kind, and supportive. If the person tries to push you, or is judgmental in any way, then find someone else.
Notice your nature. Explore how it is to notice your nature, and to do it through the day and through different states and situations. The Big Mind process, Headless experiments, and similar can be a good support.
Notice what comes up as your nature. What we are – AKA consciousness – forms itself into the world as it appears to us, including anything painful surfacing and our reactions to it. Notice that too as your nature. See how it is to keep noticing this.
The whole point of the process is, in one sense, to learn to notice what comes up as our nature. To see, feel, and love it as our nature, as made up of the consciousness we are. To take that in. To allow our human self to reorganize within that noticing.
The process needs to run its course. It will take time and that’s OK. It will feel and look different after some time, especially as you learn to befriend and find some peace with it. After some time, you may even find genuine love for it.
There are also several very helpful things we can do with Vortex Healing: Repair and strengthen divine lines. Catching up and integrating the system. Optimizing the system. Energizing. And so on.
And a few other things that has been helpful to me: Drink plenty of water. Electrolytes help me greatly. Learning to say an honest yes and no. Learning to ask for and receive help. Learning to have good boundaries, both directions. Learning to follow my inner guidance and knowing. Neurogenic tremoring (TRE).
MAY 25, 2026
WHAT IF FREE WILL AND DESTINY ARE BOTH TRUE?
In the initial oneness shift in my teens, I had an image and experience of God’s perspective of all of time and existence laid out simultaneously, and at the same time unfolding in a more creative and spontaneous way. There was both a kind of destiny since it was as if it all had already happened, and there was a sense of exploration, creativity, and the unknown as it was unfolding. Both were there.
When I explore thoughts, I find that there is some validity in each of them.
So what if there is both free will and destiny?
Here are some aspects of this situation…
We are all part of the evolution of this living planet and the universe. Our lives, literally, are part of shaping that evolution and what unfolds now and in the future.
We often have the experience of free will. Of choices and the possibility of taking several of them. What we land on can seem quite open, although it’s also shaped by many things.
When I look back at my actions, I can always find one thing that led to it, and another. I can find innumerable causes, going back to the beginning of time (if there is a beginning) and the widest extent of existence (if there is a widest extent).
I have had several instances of premonition dreams and waking life premonitions1. Others have those too, including people I know well. The dreams are maybe the most dramatic, although my waking life premonitions are more frequent and typically as accurate.
There is likely some truth to all of these. And although I don’t put much energy into it, the free will & destiny image I started this article with may have some truth to it too. It does allow and give context for all of this and more. (I also know many would reject it since it doesn’t fit with a traditional Western either-or orientation and preference.)
Is there an aspect of the divine – of existence – that has that view? That sees all of existence and time spread out as one whole? And that also recognizes the unknown in the unfolding of this as it happens? That’s possible, and it’s also not important. For me now, it will just be speculation.
What matters is that all of this is alive here and now. I can find an image of evolution and my part in it, and how my life nudges it in a certain direction – as all our lives do. I can find an experience of free will, especially in terms of what I will do next. I can find innumerable causes to any behavior in my life. I can find images of what will happen, which are guesses based on past experiences and my maps of the world. And sometimes, with some things, there is a different kind of sense of what may happen which often turns out to be accurate.
NOTES
- Here are some examples from dreams:
- When I lived in Wisconsin, I dreamt our cat was hit by a car and killed. It had the quality of a premonition dream so I kept him inside for a week, and since he was an outdoor cat and got very distressed by being kept indoors, I eventually let him out. On his first day out again, he was hit by a car and killed.
- I have also dreamt about my life years and sometimes decades before it happened. In high school, I dreamt I would live in the Pacific Northwest and in a certain landscape and community. At the time, I had no interest in living in the US, and yet it came to pass in my early thirties. (I went there since the best architecture program for my interests was there.)
- Around the same time in high school, I dreamt I lived in Northern South America, and I was somehow involved in a local school. About thirty five years later, that came to pass. The one building we can see from our first small house is that school from my dream. When I first saw it, it was unmistakably the one from my dream. (I am still not involved with it but it may happen.)
MAY 29, 2026
THE PURPOSE OF HUMANITY?
“Your inner purpose is to awaken. It is as simple as that. You share that purpose with every other person on the planet—because it is the purpose of humanity.” — Eckhart Tolle
This quote is circulating on social media right now. It’s a reminder for me that although ET seems awake enough, I often don’t quite resonate with how he expresses or interprets it.
That doesn’t mean that one or the other is wrong. No story is ultimately completely true. They are all pointers. More importantly, they are all – in this context – medicine for a particular condition.
The way ET says it seems to be the right medicine for many, so it’s perfect in that sense.
That said, how do I see awakening and the purpose of humanity?
I lean more towards seeing existence as play – they play of the divine, God, Spirit, life. Its existence expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways. The play itself is the purpose.
That’s how it seemed to me in the initial oneness shift and within that shift that’s still here, and it’s also aligned with Advaita Vedanta and other traditions that reflect the noticing of others often very clear and insightful.
That means that for some, the purpose is to go deeper into the appearance of separation, and for others, the purpose is to awaken. And if someone is generally on a path of awakening, and happens to for a moment go in the direction of separation, that’s that person’s purpose in that moment, and the other way around.
We are all part of the play of Spirit. Taking it all very seriously is sometimes part of that play, as is recognizing it as play when that’s what happens.
So ET’s quote may be medicine for someone on an awakening path who needs that confirmed and supported in that particular way. And the play view may be medicine for someone who has a tendency to go into ideas of right and wrong, or take it all a little too seriously. (Which, of course, is part of the play too.)
[Made into a regular article]
June 1, 2026
THE RAW CAT / THE RAW HUMAN **
Jackson Galaxy, the cat specialist and aficionado, often talks about the raw cat – the original African undomestic cat that’s the ancestor of all domestic cats, and which our cats still really are. He goes back to the raw cat to understand the cats that live with us.
I tend to do the same for understanding myself and humans in general. How did the raw human live? The undomesticated human? We are still that raw human, just dressed up and pretending to be civilized and sophisticated.
It helps me make sense of… Being drawn to over-eating, or eating fats and sugars – it helped the raw human put on weight and survive periods of famine. Why many tend to be tribal – it’s the environment the raw human lived in. Why we tend to function better in smaller groups. The troubles that come with a huge amount of information and digital media – the raw human was not made for that. That it’s difficult for so many to take global ecological overshoot seriously – it appears abstract, distant, and others don’t seem to react.
JUNE 2. 2026
FALLING SLEEP & THE HEARING TURNS OFF
Sometimes, there is still consciousness as this human self and body falls asleep. When that happens, I notice a point where the hearing turns off. It’s a quick fade-out. The reverse sometimes happens when I wake up.
This is something I have noticed for a while now, likely since my teens.
It makes sense. The consciousness I am notices itself, so it sometimes stays awake and conscious even as my human self and body falls asleep. And it also makes sense that my bodymind switches off hearing at some point, as it falls asleep. (Of course, it’s not a complete switch-off since some sounds will still wake me up.)
[Made into a regular article]
THIS IS LIFE CREATING IT FOR ITSELF
When I enjoy beauty, nature, music, art, and so on, I am sometimes reminded that this is life creating this for itself. There is a shift into that noticing.
Life creates all this beauty for itself, and it happens to be experienced temporarily and locally here.
That’s the same with everything, of course, including that which this personality happens to not like.
WELCOMING OUR WOUNDS
JUNE 5, 2026
LEVELS & BETTER AND WORSE
We have levels of all kinds of things – skills, maturity, development, and so on.
Sometimes, some levels are better than others, and it’s not always the highest levels.
And ultimately, none are inherently better or worse than any other.
It’s all true at the same time.
LEVELS
Within specific areas of life, we have levels.
More accurately, we create mental maps of levels, and these can be useful in a practical sense.
Somebody is an excellent cook for certain types of foods. Or a good artist in a certain style. Or excel in an area physics. Or a certain type of emotional intelligence. Or their style of poetry. And so on.
A CERTAIN AREA OF LIFE
Often, these skills are particular to a very particular area of life, and others are more experienced and skilled in other areas of life, even quite adjacent ones.
RELATIVE
It’s also relative. In almost all cases, someone is more experienced and skilled than us in whatever area we are looking at, and others are less experienced and skilled.
Even if we happen to be at the forefront, there will very likely be others in the future who will go far beyond where we are or what we even imagine is possible.
FIT
This also doesn’t mean that more skilled is always better, even in a practical sense.
Sometimes, mediocre is just right. Other times, highly skilled is what’s called for.
To sell ice cream, we just need average social skills. With brain surgery, we want someone highly skilled.
It’s always about the match. That match is often between the skills and the tasks.
Sometimes, as with art, it may be more about resonance than skills. If someone resonates with a certain piece of art or music, that resonance is more important than the skills it’s made with.
NOT INHERENTLY BETTER OR WORSE
Being higher or lower in one particular areas is not inherently better or worse. We need all of it. It’s all part of life. It’s all part of the tapestry of life.
This also goes for awakening, spiritual maturity, human maturity, emotional maturity, and so on.
We may be higher or lower on all those threads of development, and none of it is inherently better or worse than the others. It’s all expressions of life. It’s all part of the play of life, existence, and Spirit.
JUNE 7, 2026
WHEN WE GO AGAINST OUR NATURE, IT’S PAINFUL
To ourselves, we are consciousness. And the world, as it appears to us, happens within and as the consciousness we are. That’s how it is whether we notice or not. That’s our nature.
We are oneness. That oneness takes the form of what we can call love. And that love is independent on feelings or states. We are love, whether we notice or not, and whether we want to or not.
That’s why it hurts to be cruel. It hurts to hurt. When we hurt someone else or the world, we hurt our world and ourselves. It’s built into us.
I notice this in my own life. And it also comes up when I look at the world today. It seems that cruelty is in fashion, likely partly because of Trump, and what actually happens is that those people hurt themselves. They are very likely – inevitably – in pain from what they do, whether they notice or acknowledge it or not.
JULY 5, 2026
MINIMIMALIST PHOTOGRAPHY
I saw a video about Fan Ho that made a point of the minimalist and simple aspects of his photos.
Yes, that’s there of course. And yet, for me, it’s the minimalism combined with richness and complexity that makes his photos interesting. The simplicity and minimalism create a container and the richness and complexity holds visual interest.
It’s the interplay of both that makes his images exceptional.
JULY 9, 2026
ASSUMING WE ARE RIGHT
A whole lot of us go through life assuming that we are basically right, basically all the time, about basically everything: about our political and intellectual convictions, our religious and moral beliefs, our assessment of other people, our memories, our grasp of facts. As absurd as it sounds, when we stop to think about it, our steady state seems to be one of unconsciously assuming that we are very close to omniscient.
— Kathryn Schulz
IT’S A FEATURE, NOT A FLAW
There are many things in life my personality doesn’t like.
Having a chronic illness. Having a serious flu for more than three weeks. Noisy people. Small minded people. A world in overshoot. Domination culture. Empire. People who don’t viscerally understand global ecological overshoot and let it inform their lives.
The list goes on.
It’s easy to see all of this as flaws in the world and that’s not wrong. There is always room for improvement.
And there is another side to it.
These are features, not flaws.
How is that as or more true?
These are part of life. Who am I to argue? As Byron Katie says, if I argue with reality, I lose.
My personality comes from its own biases – hangups, wounds, likes and dislikes, biology, internalized culture, survival processes put in place through innumerable ancestors, and so on. Reality doesn’t care about this.
As Harari says, history is the unfolding of the interaction between wisdom and stupidity. It’s part of who we are and our history and future.
I have in me what I see in them. They are mirrors for me. I can take any story I have about them, turn it to be about me, and find genuine and specific examples of how it’s true.
It’s all part of life – existence, the universe, Spirit – expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways.
If the exploration itself is the point, then none of this is wrong.
JULY 11, 2026
This quote is one of the many things in the world that are a little confusing to me.
Yes, to myself, I am being AKA consciousness, and what I am forms itself into the experience of everything including this human self and the wider world.
And yet, is that all there is? I can say something about my own nature, but I cannot say anything for certain about the nature of existence itself. It may have the same nature as me and be what we may call Spirit, the divine, Brahman, Buddha nature, and so on. That would be inspiring, coherent, and fit what spiritual traditions from different times and cultures say. It’s also possible it has a different nature, including physical matter as it’s described by the modern western worldview.
If I am honest, both are possible, and much else is possible. And it doesn’t matter.
What matters is what I am in my own first-person experience.
So why does RS state what he does so confidently? I am not sure. Either, he know something I don’t, or – as I more suspect – he is not quite honest with himself.
JULY 12, 2026
SYMBIOSEXUALITY?
Symbiosexuality refers to being attracted to what you and someone else create together – that special feeling, the chemistry, the activities, and so on.
This is one of those cases where I had thought this is what everyone is attracted to. It’s what I love about someone – what we have together.
Here it’s presented as if that’s not the case for everyone. That’s surprising to me, although I know that for all that’s universal among humans there are also many differences.
Of course, there is sometimes an attraction before I get to know someone. That’s more of a fascination and curiosity. And as I get to know someone, and enjoy what we have together, then that chemistry is what I love.
JULY 22, 2026
LESS FUN, MORE REAL
A friend of mine (AL) had a challenging childhood (and also very supported) and developed a fun and entertaining personality to deal with life – and enjoy it more in spite of the trauma. Nothing wrong with that. The last few months, she has sobered up in terms of her childhood trauma and has been going to a psychiatrist weekly, and I have noticed changes in her. She is more grounded and real, and also less entertaining and theatrical. I am sure she still has those sides, but she has a more sober relationship with them and they are more in the background now. She talked about her therapy process, and I mentioned that she is less fun and more real – which we both see as a good thing.
She is more grounded, and she still has the other side which can come out as needed and to make life more fun. The difference, as she finds more healing, is that the super entertaining side may not need to be there to deal with the pain. It can be there in a different way, to enliven life.
HAPPY THE SAME WAY, UNHAPPY THE SAME WAY
All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
– Tolstoy in Anna Karenina
It can seem that way. Happy families are loving, accepting, respectful, have fun, forgive, and so on. And unhappy families have all sorts of wrinkles and distortions.
And yet, we can also say that unhappy families are all unhappy in the same way.
The unhappiness comes from wounds and trauma, often intergenerational and collective trauma. It comes from wounded people trying to live their lives together, and sometimes reinforcing and creating new wounds that way. It’s a lack of boundaries, unquestioned beliefs and identities, parts of them trying to keep them safe, confused love, and so on.
WHAT IS STUPIDITY? / STUPIDITY AS THE SHADOW OF INTELLIGENCE / STUPID AND SMART INTELLIGENCE **
What is stupidity?
There are many forms of stupidity. We can put that label on many things.
We can call ignorance stupidity, maybe especially when we could have know and could have sought out the information. Willful ignorance is a kind of stupidity.
Making mistakes can be seen as stupidity, maybe especially when we know better and go against our better knowing.
Both of those points to a form of stupidity that’s the shadow of intelligence. It comes out of and depends on a certain intelligence, and is a misuse of intelligence.
Often it happens because we hold onto familiar beliefs, identities, and habits. We try to protect ourselves in this way. This comes from evolutionary dynamics aimed at preserving the status quo and energy. (In that sense, it’s a use of intelligence, not a misuse.) In many cases, it works well enough in spite of its downsides, which is why we are still doing it. We can live with the downsides, although our behavior can also be very annoying – especially to others. And sometimes, the downsides are significant and undeniable.
Collectively, we are currently incredibly stupid in exactly this way.
We are engaging in ecocide and suicide, know it well, and still do it and do very little to change it.
We know it well, and some are in denial. They try to convince themselves that things are moving in the right direction. (My brother keeps insisting that the world is very good and moving in a good direction and we don’t need to make any changes.) Climate change is just natural variations. We are not in ecological overshoot, or it doesn’t matter, or we don’t need to do anything about it yet. Someone else will take care of it. We’ll find a technological solution. It’s someone else’s problem. If most seem complacent about it, it must be OK.
People vote for the same political parties with the same policies as decades ago, when the world was very different.
Economics use economical models that don’t take ecological realities into account and assume infinite Earth for resources and dumping of waste. Business people and politicians use these economic models, knowing well they are ecocidal and suicidal. (Or they could very easily know it well, if they wanted.)
We grow our food with poison, knowing very well it harms us and destroys the web of life we are part of and depend on. We have systems that reward farmers to grow food with poison.
MAGA is an extreme example of stupid intelligence. They willfully ignore reality for some kind of emotional satisfaction, and in the process destroy their democracy and the sides of the US that did work to some extent. I assume that somewhere, they know very well what they are doing.
We are collectively willfully stupid. Today with our huge numbers and powerful technology, that has become ecocidal and suicidal.
Will we collectively continue to use stupid intelligence – or smart intelligence? That’s the big question. And how much needs to be destroyed before we, if we do, decide to use smart intelligence?
JULY 30, 2026
WHY ARE PEOPLE INTO GENRES?
I have never quite understood the focus on genres in music, literature, movies, art, and so on.
Life doesn’t have genres. Life is a seamless whole with a lot of different expressions, and that’s reflected in all humans expressions, including in music, art, and so on.
To me, it’s the richness of it that’s fun, fascinating, and enjoyable.
Of course, dividing it up into genres is a way to organize those expressions, and that’s helpful for practical reasons.
What’s more interesting is how we can use those mental divisions to develop an identity as someone who appreciates one or a set of them, and we add stories about what it means, we use it to find our tribe, and so on.
This is easy to recognize with music, movies, art, and so on. And it also happens with religion, spirituality, philosophy, politics, and so on. There too, it’s the richness that’s interesting. And many use the genres to develop and maintain a certain identity.
AUGUST 1, 2026
WHY SO MESSED UP IF THERE IS SO MUCH AWAKENING IN THE SYSTEM?
How is it that we can have a lot of awakening in our system while also be messed up?
It’s because they are two distinct things.
Awakening has to do with our nature noticing itself. The consciousness we are recognizes itself as consciousness, and that it forms itself into any and all content of experience.
Trauma has to do with our very human experiences. It has to do with the knots we tie ourselves into in order to manage life, often in response to knots passed on through generations and shared with many in our society and culture.
Awakening can help us work with trauma in a slightly different way, but it does not neccesarily clear out the trauma.
Continuing working with trauma within awakening is another part of the adventure.
OBSESSED WITH HEALING / AWAKENING
DRAFTS…
VORTEX HEALING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS DESTABILIZED
HOW I EXPLORE TRAUMA
- tre, sense fields, the work
- tonglen, ho’o,
- recognize as my nature
- give it to the divine,
RESTING IN ACTIVITY