My father died around noon today. I was making lunch, and had an image/sense of his presence with me. Some minutes later, my brother sent me the message saying he died a few minutes earlier.
I remember how it was between lives, so I know it’s OK. I can sense him now.
At a human level, grief and tears come and are welcome.
He lived a long, rich, and – according to all signs – fulfilling life. He loved his work as an architect, he was an artist, he did woodworking, he built additions to his house and two log cabins. He was married his whole life since his twenties. He and my mother created a beautiful house filled with art, antiques, and craft.
He introduced me to drawing, painting, nature, fishing, berry picking, birds, art, art museums, European cities, literature, and much more. He would read for me in the evenings when I was little, before I fell asleep. He had an extensive library, including with adventure books from his childhood and earlier.
He was an exceptional man in many ways, with his deep love of nature and art, and his creative and practical abilities. Although he often would take time for himself in his studio/workshop, he was always available. He was deeply kind. I never once heard him complain, which I suspect has to do with his upbringing in Hedmark.
A few memories that come to mind: One Saturday when I was elementary school age, the TV didn’t work and my mother and brother were away, so we went for a walk in the local forest together. We returned after dark. It was a special and magical experience. Also, fishing with him, picking berries, hiking up to Sølen and sleeping outside and watching the stars. Talking about art. Seeing A River Runs Through It together, since he loved fly fishing. Going to an Indian restaurant together. Christmases, New Year, and other celebrations. Him painting in his studio at his office, and later in the garden. Visiting him at his office when I was little, and having raisin buns (my favorite) for lunch.
He loved the jazz classics, and would often listen to it while painting, so I am listening to that today.
I am also going through some family photos, and am deeply grateful for the life he and my mother gave me. Although it was relatively normal for Norway, I also realize it was special and with many gifts.
They gave me an upbringing in a small town in Norway in the ’80s, and I had a typical ’80s childhood and teens with a lot of roaming around on bikes, having dinner at friends’ houses, climbing trees and getting (somewhat) lost in the forest, playing board games in the basement with friends, and so on. They also always supported me in my endeavors, whether it was art, meditation, or something else. And they helped me when I went through a very difficult period some years ago, after I lost my health and much else in my life. My father would always have food ready for me when I visited, even if I arrived late. Both of my parents would often pick me up at the airport.
Equally or more important, they gave me the support and space I needed to explore the awakening shift that happened in my teens – which turned my life upside down and inside out, and made my life a bit wobbly and unconventional.
His presence is very strong now, and there is a profound sense of love. When I sense beings after they shed their physical body, it’s always different. In one case, turmoil. In another, a sense of frustration. (His mission was to support the Great Turning.) In one, a deep sense of relief, peace, and coming home. (Christian.) With my mother, relief and moving on. And now, with my father, this immense sense of fullness and love.
This also highlights that I wish to live my life fully – in the sense of aligning more deeply and closely with what’s really important to me, and bring it to life.