Some people like to talk about narcissism. I am sure it can be helpful as a diagnosis, in some cases.
For me, it’s more a matter of finding it in myself. And when I do, what I see is a part of me that feels unlovable and unloved, and attempts to compensate for it. So I can meet that part of me.
I see how it’s here to protect me. It comes from deep caring. It comes from love.
I can find love for it.
I can hold it in kind presence. I can rest with it.
I can examine my beliefs about it.
I can see if I can find the deficient selves (unlovable one, unloved one), or the threat, or a command to seek love, or affection, or approval from others (for me, especially partners, God).