Tag: practices

Resistance, dark night and purgatory

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Over the last few days, the birth of the seed resistance, the effects of identities, and the difference between resisting and fully experiencing these effects have been even more acutely up for me. I also see how resisting the effects of a sense of I and identities is a dark night, while allowing myself to fully experiencing these effects is purgatory. It allows the sense of I and its identities to gradually burn away.

Seed resistance, giving rise to a sense of I and its identities

First, there is the resistance to what is as inherently absent of I. This resistance gives rise to a sense of I, and of I and Other.

This sense of I is fleshed out through various identities. I am this, not that. I want this, not that. And this gives rise to resistance to various aspects within form.

Resistance to the effects of the sense of I and identities

Then, there is resistance to the effects of the sense of I and the various identities. There is resistance to the experiences of loneliness, fear, anger, attraction, aversion, confusion, and so on.

When there is this resistance to the effects, the sense of I and its identities tend to seem very real and substantial. We act as if they are real, so they tend to appear as real.

When the resistance to the effects is dropped, when we allow ourselves to fully experience the effects of a sense of I and various identities, they tend to appear less substantial. They may even erode over time and fall away.

Resisting experiences vs. fully experiencing

In practical terms, it means that when we resist experiences, the sense of I and its identities appears as more real to us. They become solidified.

Many of these experiences arise when the world is filtered through a sense of I and its identities, such as fear, anger, loneliness, and so on. And resisting these experiences only makes them proliferate. We pour gasoline on the already existing fire.

When we allow ourselves to fully experience, the sense of I and its identities appear as less substantial and real. Eventually, they can burn out completely.

Fully experiencing allows us a glimpse into what we really are, awake emptiness and form absent of I, and this gives a sense of coming home, and even of bliss.

Resisting experience is hell. Allowing the resistance to experience to fall away is bliss.

Dark night and purgatory

I notice for myself that this is also the difference between an experience of dark night and purgatory.

When I resist experiencing the results of a sense of I and various identities, it is hell and an experience of a dark night.

When I allow myself to fully experience the results of a sense of I and the various identities, there is a sense of fullness, being held, coming home, and even bliss. There is also an experience of the sense of I and its identities burning away, of purgatory.

Put another way, resisting God’s will is hell and a dark night. Surrendering to God’s will is heaven and purgatory.

Feeling all arising as Spirit and me

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Throughout the day, and especially when lying in bed before falling asleep or waking up, the practice of feeling all as Spirit and me comes up.

Whatever arises is felt as Spirit and as me. It is awake emptiness and form, and it is me or a mirror for me as a human self.

I especially do this with anything arising that is outside of my habitual identities, such as fear, people I am attracted to or feel aversion towards, fatigue, pain, even countries and the Earth as a whole.

I feel into it as Spirit and me, and along with this is the seeing of it as Spirit and me, which in turn awakens the loving of it as Spirit and me.

Reorganizing the three centers, and allowing anything human to be experienced as me

This helps reorganize the three centers of view, emotions and heart within the context of all as Spirit.

And it helps transform my identity as a human being to be more inclusive of anything human. To feel, see and love anything human as not only it, over there, but also me, right here.

Seed resistance and flowering tree of resistance, and composting it all

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Resistance comes in many forms…

The seed resistance is the field resisting itself as a field. There is the field of awake emptiness and form, inherently absent of I, yet resisting noticing itself as this field absent of I. So then, there is the sense of I and Other.

And from this seed resistance, a whole flowering tree of resistance emerges.

There is resistance to what is, to what is not, to what may be, to what was. There is fear, aversion, attraction, anger, resentment, a sense of identity, wanting something else, and much more. All the fruits of a sense of separation.

And in the endarkenment, it can all be composted within and as the fertile full darkness. Resistance arises, and composts itself in and as fertile loamy darkness.

They become nutrients for different plants and flowers. Plants and flowers coming from a felt sense of all as Spirit.

Composting resistance

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Since the endarkenment shift, and even more so since the dropping into alive luminosity this Sunday, the process of composting resistance has been doing itself in me.

Resistance comes up, and it composts itself within the fertile full darkness.

Resistance to what is, what is not, what may be, what was… In whatever form it comes up, as tension, fear, irritability, it gets composted. It crumbles in the dark soil. Becoming nutrients for something to flower.

The fertile blackness is infinite and everywhere, a ground of form, but it is also centered very much in the belly. There is a sense of fullness, richness, earthiness, allowing whatever arises to be composted within itself, as darkness. Becoming soil, nurturance.

Ways of working with identity in real time

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Another practice coming up these days…

I notice a contraction and a sense of I and Other, something to defend against or gain.

Then I ask what identity is coming up?

And how would it be without that identity?

This is of course a variation of (i) identifying the belief, (ii) noticing the effects of that belief, and (iii) exploring how it would be without the belief from The Work. It is a slightly different way of accessing the same.

Using it in real life

For instance, in the Breema class last night, I noticed a contraction while giving a sequence, and saw that the identity was of wanting to do “good Breema”. Without that identity, I was just there, allowing the movements to happen. No trying, no contraction.

And then the usual situation for me, sitting in a coffee shop before class reading, and noticing a tendency stirring of wanting it to be more quiet (espresso machines etc.) The identity there is of being someone who wants it to be quiet. Without that identity, there is just the field of everything happening. No resistance, no discomfort.

I mentioned this to Jen a couple of days ago, and she explored it with pain she experiences after having three wisdom teeth pulled. And the same thing. There is a contraction and sense of discomfort. The noticing of an identity of someone wanting to be free from pain. And the sense of ease and simplicity, and freedom from suffering, when that identity is relaxed and goes away.

Identity is resistance, which is discomfort

Identity is resistance is suffering. Noticing this identity allows it to relax. And the field to arise as it is, filtered less through a sense of a center, of I and Other, and the sense of resistance and discomfort that comes with it.

Fear

And yes, it can (will?) bring up fear and even terror. What is happening? How can I function without a sense of a center, sense of I and Other, and my familiar identity? What will happen? Who or what am I without this? I am nothing, and everything arising.

It is a whole new territory. A whole new way of functioning. Yet also, strangely familiar. It is what already and always is. Nothing has really changed, apart from the relaxation of a sense of center and holding onto a particular identity.

The quest for immortality

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I read about the new movie The Fountain, which has the quest for immortality as one of its themes. This has also come up recently for me in reading about alchemy.

A quest for what we already are

In alchemy, the quest for immortality has to do with finding ourselves as (a) awake emptiness, timeless, that which time and space unfolds within, and (b) as Spirit, awake emptiness and form, absent of I anywhere, beyond and including all polarities.

This is what we already are, this field of awake emptiness and form, so even if there is an attachment to an idea of “I” as a segment of this field, there will be an intuition about already being timeless. Timelessness is here, but since the “I” is placed on form, and on just the small part of form that makes up this human self, timelessness takes the appearance of “Other”.

The field of awake emptiness and form experiences itself through the filter of I and Other, making this human self into I and awake emptiness, or timelessness, into Other.

And this is where the quest for immortality begins. It is a quest for what we already are, in our awake emptiness aspect.

An escape from what we take ourselves to be

The other side of this is that the quest for immortality is an escape from what we take ourselves to be. This side of the coin is more closely aligned with conventional views.

We take ourselves to be a human being, exclusively, find ourselves as finite in time and space, vulnerable to the wider world and the passage of time, so naturally want to escape this – and one way to escape it is immortality.

In theistic (Christian, Jewish, Islamic) cultures, immortality comes in the form of a soul. Our human shell falls away, yet our soul continues on. It is immortal. And the transition is still in the future, so the quest for immortality sometimes becomes a quest to be worthy enough for this immortal life, some time in the future.

In our more recent materialistic culture, the soul is a more questionable idea, so a quest for immortality then takes the form of medical advances, cryogenics and so on.

Right here now

In either case, whether we seek what we already are, or an escape from what we take ourselves to be, or both, we can find immortality right here now, closer than our own breath.

It is this awake emptiness within, to and as all this arises – the words, sensations, thoughts, sounds. This timeless, spaceless emptiness, allowing time and space to unfold within, to and as itself.

Appearance of a chooser

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It is pretty simple, but easily overlooked if we don’t explore it for ourselves:

There is a thought, a decision, and an action.

And when a belief in the idea of “I” is placed on top of it, it appears that “I think”, “I decided”, “I acted”. It all seems very logical and neat.

(Of course, if the identity built up around this idea of “I” does not fit with the thought, the decision or the action, then we say “it wasn’t me, it just happened”, or “I don’t know where that came from”.)

When this field of awake emptiness and form awakens to itself, it looks different. Now, there is just a thought, a decision, and an action, revealed as inherently absent of any I. There is doing, but no doer.

This is an immediate and very clear realization. No thinking or analysis is needed.

But it is also possible to taste this before such a clear awakening. For instance, for any thought, decision, or behavior, explore the many causes of it. You can always find one more, and one more. And then discover, bit by bit, how everything happening in the world of form, including anything associated with this particular human self, has literally infinite causes. It is the whole field acting locally.

It is the local manifestations of the whole field of form, always in flux, and the causes go all the way back to beginning of time, and all the way out to the extent of the universe.

The field first filtering itself through I and Other, then awakening to itself

There is always this field of awake emptiness and form, now reading this and also manifesting as the words themselves on the screen (and anything else).

First, it identifies with a segment of itself, for instance this human self, and there is a sense of I placed on this human self, a sense of I and Other, subject and object, of being finite in time and space, of a doer. And this sense of I is placed on anything this human self does, at least if it fits with the more elaborate identity made up for this human self.

Then, the field of awake emptiness and form awakens to itself, as this field, inherently absent of I anywhere, or as a whole as an I. And it realizes, immediately and very clearly, that there never was an I in this human self. There was the sense of an “I” placed on top of it, making the impression that “I think, decide and do”, but even then, there was never any inherent I in it. It was just a part of the field, just the local manifestations of the movements of the whole field of form. There was doing, but no doer.

Finding it here now

The nice thing is that we can taste this right now, just by looking. Just by exploring. Noticing what is happening, right here now.

There is a thought, but did “I” think it? It certainly arouse, but where is the “doer” in it? There is a decision, but did “I” decide? Didn’t it just happen on its own, just as the thought? There is an action, but did “I” act? Did that too just happen on its own? There is an apparent causality between all of these, a logical sequence, but is there an “I” there?

And we can also look for an “I” in the world of form in general. There are sensations, sounds, sights, tastes, smells, thoughts and so on, but is there an “I” there? They all come and go, while something does not seem to come and go. How can there be an I there, in the seen, when it all comes and goes?

What is it that does not change, that does not come and go? It is this awakeness that it all happens within and to. In this awakeness, there is a sense of timelessness. Of always presence. Yet, is this “I”?

If the awakeness is “I” then the changing forms must be “other”. But where is the boundary between the two? Where does the awakeness end and the forms begin?

Now, it appears as if the awakeness and the forms are made up of the same. It is as if the forms arise within, to and as this awakeness.

Now, the field of awake emptiness and form starts to get a sense of itself, without the overlay of a sense of I as only a segment of this field. It has a taste of itself as a field, without being filtered through the sense of I and Other. As a field with no center, with no I inherent anywhere.

A free fall

It can be dizzying at first, as a free fall. There is nothing to hold onto anymore. No fixed position. And also the realization that this is what allows all positions, what allows all forms, what allows anything and everything to be.

And that is what this field is, always and already.

It just didn’t notice before. It had temporary and partial amnesia. It was just a case of temporary and mistaken identity.

The complementarity of Atman and Anatman

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I just finished up The Supreme Self by Stan Trout, which is one third autobiography, one third history of mysticism, and one third how different universal questions appears when Spirit awakens to itself.

As it is written by somebody who is intimately familiar with Big Mind, the essence of the various traditions is brought to the foreground and presented in a very clear and simple way. (Which by necessity means that the diversity and difference in flavor goes into the background, leaving out some of the richness.)

One thing that came up for me is the complementarity of Atman and Anatman, of Self and no-self, and the traditions emphasizing one or the other.

There is the Self, aka Buddha Mind, Big Mind, Brahman, and so on. The field of seeing and seen, of awake emptiness and form, as that beyond and including all polarities. It is “I” as awake emptiness and form, as the field as a whole, as Big Mind.

And there is the no-self, the field of seeing and seen absent of I anywhere. It is the field of awake emptiness and form awakening to itself as a field with no center anywhere, with no I as any segment of itself. There is doing, but no doer.

There is a beautiful complementarity of Self and no-self, and this is expressed within each of the traditions talking about Atman or Anatman, whether they emphasize one or the other in how they talk about it, or as a path into this realization.

The Big Mind process strikes me as a practice that especially well includes both. We get to explore ourselves as Big Mind, as Atman, as awake emptiness and form, as the whole beyond and including all polarities. And we get to explore the no-self, the absence of I anywhere in this field of awake emptiness and form, including in all the different personal and transpersonal voices. They are all there, available, yet each one of them inherently absent of an I.

Update March 2010: Stan Trout’s new website is The Mystic Vision.

The One Taste of public and private situations

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A while back, I used this practice more regularly, and still find it useful.

How would it be if there is One Taste of public and private situations? If I act in public as if I was on my own, and when I am on my own as if everybody could see me?

Acting in public as if I am on my own helps me with finding ease, comfort, allowing pretense to fall away.

Acting on my own as if everybody could see helps me find a sense of transparency, nothing to hide or protect, allowing the light of awareness into (more of) all I am and do.

Together, it helps me find ease and comfort with myself, as I am, accepting it as it is, be OK with all of what I am. It helps me find a sense of wholeness, of transparency, of receptivity, of nothing to hide, noting to protect or defend.

This is one of the many forms of One Taste, one that plays itself out on our human level.

Free Will II – a difference between realizing and believing in ideas

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There is of course a big difference between realizing and believing in the complementarity of the freedom of awake emptiness, and the absence of I and free will in the world of form – in our case, as a human being.

Realizing absence of freedom

Realizing it is Spirit awakening to itself as awake emptiness and form, inherently absent of I anywhere – and as a whole as an I. This is liberation. It is a liberation from an exclusive identity as a segment of this field, it is a liberation from seeing this human self and its actions as an I, it is a liberation for this human self from having a sense of I placed on top of it.

Believing in absence of freedom

Believing in it, just attaching to ideas about it, is quite different. This happens when there is still very much a sense of I there, placed on the local causality of this human self such as thoughts, decisions and actions. It is still taken and experienced as an I, yet there is a belief in infinite causes, in an absence of free will in this human self, maybe in an absence of I.

And this can take different forms.

Believing, yet still acting as if there is free will

One, and the more healthy variation, is to take it as a spur to practice, to explore this, is it really true? Can I find it in my own experience? Are there really infinite causes to anything I think, do, and experience? Is there an absence of I in this human self?

In exploring this, we take our experience seriously in two ways.

First, we take our findings seriously. We explore seriously, in detail, over and over, and take what we find seriously. We explore the implications of what we find, we feel into what it would mean to live more fully from it.

And, equally important, we take our current experience seriously in the context of our daily life. If there is still a sense of an I here in daily life, then I live from that as before. I take responsibility for my actions. I sincerely try to make the most informed and compassionate choices. I live as if I have a free will, because it seems I do.

Even if we don’t explore it further, it is a good thing to act as if we have free will. It does help in making our lives easier on us and others.

Yet, this too, this acting as if we have free will, is the local expressions of the movements of the whole. This too has infinite causes. This too is inherently absent of an I and free will. It may be good to realize that, but also keep it in the background. Acting as if there is free will is in the foreground, realizing that this too is absent of free will, that this too is grace, can go in the background.

Believing, and making wrong conclusions

The other, less healthy, way, is to take a nihilistic approach and abandon any sense of responsibility. Of course, what we are really doing here is to first attach to a belief of an absence of free will, and then attach to an idea that this means nihilism and abandoning responsibility. This is miles away from what happens in a real awakening, when there is a real realization.

How it unfolds when realized

In a real realization, this human self continues to operate much as before. It still explores options and alternatives. It still tries to make informed and compassionate decisions. It is still very much active and engaged in the world. If anything, there is more of an incentive to making informed decisions, to live from compassion, and to be engaged in the world.

The only difference is that now, there is no sense of an I there anymore. There are thoughts, choices and actions, yet no I there anywhere. It is just an expression of awake emptiness and form, as anything else happening.

There is very much doing, but no doer anymore.

Grace, and also planting seeds

All of this, believing naively there is free will, taking on a nihilistic attitude, Spirit awakening to itself, all of this is also absent of any I or free will. It is the local expressions of the movements of the whole, it is Spirit expressing, exploring and experiencing itself in various ways. It is all God’s will. It is all Grace.

At the same time, there is a planting of seeds in the world of form that allows these things to happen and unfold. There is a planting of a seed that spurs someone to explore for themselves, and some guidelines for how to do it. There is a set-up that brings someone into cynicism and nihilism when they read something like this. There is the infinite causes coming together so that someone still acts as if there is free will, even if he realizes, to some extent, that it cannot be.

Anything happening in and through us has infinite causes, and we can plant seeds for ourselves and others. We can plant seeds for happiness, release from suffering and awakening. And we can plant seeds for misery. We do both.

And both are themselves the fruits of infinite causes.

But here too, it is a good idea to act as if there is free will.

And around and around it goes, until Spirit awakens to itself.

Experiment: who am I without the story?

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Here is a simple experiment that comes out of The Work and other similar forms of self-inquiry:

Whenever I notice a contraction, I ask myself who would I be without the story?

A few things that seem helpful…

  • Seeing it as an experiment, a game, or even role-playing
  • Allowing myself to do it for only a short period of time, maybe just a minute or two, and then go back to the familiar old patterns
  • Repeat now and then
  • Do it in daily situations, real-time
  • Allowing any longer-term shifts to happen on their own
  • Using a role-model, imagining somebody who function well and do not seem to have that particular story. How would it be if that was the case for me?
  • Seeing the familiar symptoms of attachment to a story as an invitation to experiment (the symptoms include a sense of contraction, a stuckness in a particular position, a sense of separation, a sense of I and Other, sense of being right, sense of urgency, a sense of conflict or drama.)

………………….

[Initial write-up]

This is an experiment that comes directly out of The Work and other similar forms of self-inquiry:

Who am I without … the story, these judgments, reactions, positions?

Say I easily am bothered by noise (as is sometimes the case for me), then I can ask myself, who would I be if I couldn’t have that reaction? How would it be if I am not bothered by noise at all? If I actually enjoy it?

I can take it as an experiment, a game, an exploration, even as role playing. If I, just for a minute, was not at all bothered by noise, how would that be?

If I think I have to let go of it forever, I may hesitate even tasting it. But if I see it as a short-term experiment, as a game, I may try it more whole-heartedly, just for a minute or two. Just to taste it.

And in tasting it, I may find that it is actually enjoyable, freeing, and I can still function as well as before, if not better. I try it on for size, and may find that it fits me even better than the old outfit, the old identity, the old patterns.

This is another of the many practices that can be seamlessly applied throughout our daily life.

I notice a contraction come up. I notice what the contraction seem to be about. I play a game for a short while, trying out how it would be without the contraction, without the judgments, without the usual identity.

I may even imagine somebody I know who do not seem to have these patterns, and function very well without them, and see how that would be for me – right here and now.

For me, I see that if I aim at trying the experiment for just a minute or two, and (this seems important) give myself full and honest permission to go back to the old patterns, it seems to work quite well. In most cases, I am able to shift and have a taste of how it would be without the story. And so I don’t push it too far, or try to trick myself, I allow myself fully to go back into the familiar patterns, also so I can see the contrast more clearly.

Then I leave it, and may find that I naturally gravitate towards the more spacious and new way of being, without clinging so much to the old story. It is more pleasant, and nothing is really lost, so why not?

Gratitude and stories we tell ourselves

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The most profound truths are often the simplest ones as well, and sometimes the most difficult ones to realize (such as selflessness) and practice.

One of these simple truths is gratitude: practice gratitude, and you’ll be happy. Practice ingratitude, and you’ll make yourself miserable.

It is the power of the stories we tell ourselves.

Stories we tell ourselves, bringing misery or happiness

I can tell myself stories of how what I have is less good than how it used to be, how it can or could be, how it is for others, and so on. I can compare my intelligence to the most intelligent, my money to the most wealthy, my house to the most elegant homes, my education to the best education, my looks to the most beautiful, my skills to the most skillful, and I am bound to find myself lacking and make myself miserable.

Or I can reverse it by looking at what I can be grateful for. I can be grateful for health, friends, family, community, house, food, education, free time, access to nature, peace in my community, and so on.

A daily practice

Just as I can easily find a million reasons to make myself miserable, I can find infinite reasons for gratitude. There is always one more, and one more.

Making ingratitude into a practice, I find contraction, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, fear, depression, fatigue, holding on, and misery.

Making gratitude into a practice, I find receptivity, joy, peace, appreciation, well-being, passion, letting go, and happiness.

It is as easy as taking time to look for what I can be thankful for, throughout my day, and it is easy to find.

Why stories work: because I believe in them

Whether I tell myself stories of ingratitude or gratitude, one is as true or untrue as the other. The reason they impact me as they do, is that I believe in them to a certain extent, and I believe in stories about what they mean.

I have money, and that means that …, and that is good. I have less money than many others, and that means that …, and that is not good.

The core belief: the idea of I

Ultimately, the stories have power because of the core belief in each of our lives: the belief in the idea of I, as separate from others, as a unit in space and time, subject to birth and death, joy and happiness, health and disease, fortune and misfortune.

What is already alive in our immediate awareness is simply the field of seeing and seen, inherently absent of any I anywhere, yet also with an overlay of a sense of I placed on this human self.

And this overlay, this belief in the idea of I placed on just a segment of this field, is the root of the misery, and it is the reason why stories of ingratitude create misery and stories of gratitude create happiness.

When Ground awakens to itself, the belief in the idea of I falls away

When this field awakens to itself as a field, absent of I anywhere, with no center, with no subject and no object, with everything as subject and object, then these stories are seen as what they are – just stories, with no substance, absent of any absolute truth in them.

It is all Spirit, in all its many forms, and Spirit is in the foreground independent of what particular form it takes. It is Spirit experiencing Spirit. There is only a quiet joy, along with whatever else arises.

There is natural gratitude, independent of stories.

Spirit as 1st and then 3rd person

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This is something I have been curious about for a while…

I have seen, and hear about, settings where somebody talks about Spirit as 1st person, the listeners get confused, and then they continue to just talk about it – only making people even more confused and up in their heads.

Jen is taking the foundations course at Center for Sacred Sciences, and last time, they talked about the First Fundamental:

  1. Consciousness alone is absolutely real
    The appearance of an objective world distinguishable from a subjective self is but the imaginary form in which Consciousness Perfectly Realizes Itself.

If we don’t have an immediate taste of it, it won’t make sense. And then it just goes into the realm of ideas and spins around and around, as it apparently did in the discussion about this principle.

And something similar is happening at the Breema Center. The head teacher talks about the Ocean (Spirit, Big Mind) while people sit and listen. But it is difficult to see that it does much for the listeners. I know it does just about nothing for me, because it is just somebody talking about it, and in a relatively abstract and removed way, using words that does not invite it to come alive in immediate awareness.

So why not use one of the many ways to help people find it for themselves, to notice that it is already alive in immediate awareness? There is no shortage of methods that really work out there, and also anyone for whom it is alive can without too much trouble find words that are fresh, alive, immediate, and invite a fresh, alive and immediate realization in the listener.

There are pointing out instructions in many traditions. And maybe even more helpful, there are many forms of inquiry which, in a step-by-step fashion, allows people to discover it for themselves right there and then.

We can ask when you close your eyes and try to find yourself, here in this moment, who or what do you discover yourself to be?

Or we can guide through an exploration of the seen, the seeing, and then both absent of any I. (Notice sights, sounds, tastes, sensations, thoughts. Notice how they all come and go. Can you find an “I” anywhere in this changing world of form? What is it that does not change? What is this awareness that all of this unfolds within and to? Is this awareness within time or is time within it? Is it within space, or is space within it? Can you find any color, form, extent, beginning, end to this awareness? Where does the seen end and the seeing begin? Can you find a boundary between the seen and the seeing? Can you find an I anywhere in all of this?)

Another, very similar and more systematized approach, is the Big Mind process which also allows it to come to the foreground of awareness within just a few minutes.

Instead of talking about it first, and then expect people to find it, why not allow people to have a taste first, and then explore it through language. First, going to Spirit as 1st person, then include Spirit as third person.

If we want people to know about apples, it makes sense to first allow them to have a taste, and then we can explore it through language as much as we want – exploring its texture, sweetness, crunchiness, biology, how to grow them, the history of apples in the human civilization, and so on.

To be fair, both CSS and the Breema Center do allow people the taste as well, in other settings. And that is actually their focus. But it just seems odd to me in the particular situations where it all goes to the head, and stays there, going around and around in the realm of ideas, when it could be grounded in a real taste right there and then.

Spirit pretending twice: first to be a segment of itself, then imitating what is really is

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Another symmetry, this one of Spirit pretending in two different ways.

Spirit pretending to believe in ideas

Spirit, as emptiness, awakeness and form, pretends to believe in ideas and makes a limited identity for itself. The field of seeing and seen makes itself appear as a segment of itself, it makes itself appear as I and Other. Its true nature, as the Ground of seeing and seen absent of I anywhere, is still alive in immediate awareness, but ignored due to the beliefs. And it is really just pretending to believe, although it makes it seem very real to itself.

The core belief is in the idea of I as a segment of the field of seeing and seen, and the peripheral beliefs are all the ones that makes up identity: human being, Asian, five foot six, libertarian, heterosexual, likes to drink beer, roots for the Wildcats, a computer programmer, and so on. (That is not me, by the way…!)

Spirit pretending to be what it really is

Through this first level of pretending, Spirit makes itself appear as a segment of itself, in our case, as a human being. I am this human self, and Other is the rest of the world, other people, nature, awareness, God, Spirit, and so on.

As there is still the immediate awareness of being the Ground of seeing and seen, absent of I anywhere, there is a longing for coming home – for this “unity” absent of the boundaries of I and Other. And this plays itself out in innumerable ways, in any of the ways we see in human seeking for approval, money, status, relationships, happiness, freedom from suffering, and so on.

One of the ways it plays itself out is in longing for God, for Spirit, for truly coming Home.

And at some point, this longing takes the form of practice, spiritual practice: prayer, meditation, compassion, ethical behavior.

And the funny thing is, each of these practices is just another form of pretending. It is Spirit pretending to be who it really is…!

Or more precisely, it is Spirit imitating what comes naturally when it lives through a human life and has awakened to itself. And through this imitation, it allows its human self to reorganize so the real shift can happen spontaneously, in its own time.

Through prayer, we seek to dissolve the separation of I and Other, or to allow (the sense of) I to dissolve so God can be. We taste, over and over, how it is when God is and “I” am not. When Spirit has awakened to itself, and there is no sense of I and Other anymore.

Through meditation, we seek to allow anything to come and go on its own, as Ground already does. We try to imitate Ground.

Through ethical behavior, we seek to mimic how Spirit lives through a human live when it has awakened to itself. By effort and imitation, we seek to find what is effortless and spontaneous when Spirit has awakened to itself.

All of this imitation and mimicking is essential. As silly as it is from one perspective, it is also essential in another way. It does prepare the ground for a more real awakening. It does allow our human self to reorganize and realign so Spirit can more easily awaken to itself, and more easily live from that awakening through this one particular human life.

:: Pretending, yet experienced as very real

There is a pretending involved. First in Spirit pretending to be just a segment of itself, and then imitating itself as it functions through a human life when it has awakened to itself. Yet, it all also becomes very real in immediate experience.

The identification as a human self appears very real, and gives birth of the whole sense of drama in our lives – in longing, seeking, avoiding, surviving, finding joy, avoiding suffering.

And the seeking of God appears just as real, because it is a part of the same drama. It is the final phase of the drama, and involves the drama of the spiritual seeker and its adventures, misadventures and final release from the drama.

Just one anchor

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In exploring the sense of I, I notice how there is often just one little anchor there, one last refuge for the sense of I.

There may be a sense of all content as God’s will, as happening on its own. And at the same time, there is still a belief in the idea of I, now placed on an imaginary observer of this stream of form.

When I explore this, I notice that there this sense of I is often placed on some sensations in the head area, and that is all. As if these sensations were the subject…! They too arise among the forms, just as any other form, within time and space, coming and going.

So it gets multi layered. There is a genuine experience of the stream of form as God’s will and happening on its own, absent of I. At the same time, there is still an attachment to the idea of I as a segment of all of this, now placed on a very limited set of sensations in the head area.

Together, there is the familiar sense of Self, as the Ground of seeing-seen, and self, as an observer somehow set apart from this, hidden away, placed on some sensations as a last anchor.

All that is needed is to notice this, to allow it to be seen. And then there may be one other anchor, and maybe another, and maybe another, until it all unravels.

Stream of form as God’s will – many flavors

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The stream of form can be seen as God’s will. Whatever arises outside and inside of this human self, is God’s will.

Another way to notice this, and another flavor of it, is to note “personality arises”. There is an external situation, the reactions and responses of this personality, and then the noting of “personality arises”. This can be part of a labeling practice.

And then there is The Work, where we after a while begin to shift out of our own business. What initially seemed to be our own business is now revealed as God’s business.

And the Big Mind process, exploring each of the voices on personal and transcendent levels, and seeing that there is no I in any of them.

Each of these allows for a gentle disidentification with aspects of the world of form. There is less identification with this human self, allowing it to live its own life, which it does anyway. The sense of I fades.

Stream of form as God’s will II

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These days, practices surface on their own and seem to live their own life. And one of the current ones seems to be seeing the stream of form as God’s will.

There is an inner and outer situation, and it is all recognized as God’s will. There is a situation, for instance somebody talking very loudly on a bus making it difficult to read, and there is a reaction in this human self, maybe irritation and a story coming up around it, and it is all – the whole field of from arising – recognized as God’s will.

It takes the identification out of the whole situation. It brings a release from identification with this personality and its reactivity and habitual patterns, and it brings a release from a sense of being caught up in it. There is a surrender of identification with any aspect of form, and it is all given back to God.

It never was anything else than God’s will in the first place, and now it is recognized as that as well. As somebody said, when “I” goes out of it, God remains.

Stream of form flowing through awareness

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The world is a stream flowing through awareness. The stream of forms and experiences is always new, fresh and different, and with a past and future. Awareness is always here, timeless, allowing anything to arise within and as itself.

And when I try to change this stream, to hold onto some things and push other things away, my center of gravity shifts into this stream. Trying to change it comes from identification with the stream, and it only reinforces the identification, until it becomes uncomfortable enough – or the whole game is seen clearly enough, to release this identification.

I see this daily, even in subtle ways. As soon as there is even the smallest resistance to experience, I know it comes from identification with form – with a fragment of the seamless field of seeing and seen. And in noticing this, there is the invitation to allow it all to be as it is, even the impulse to change it. The center of gravity now shifts back into the witnessing of it all, or even the Ground of seeing and seen, absent of I anywhere.

Feeding awareness

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During a brief Shikantaza practice tonight, I noticed again how it feeds awareness.

Of course, whatever happens, awareness is fed: content arises within awareness.

And this can happen in two quite different ways. One way is with drama, and this brings the drama itself into the foreground. (The muddy water is stirred.)

The other way is with an absence or reduction of drama, through for instance meditation and self-inquiry. (The mud falls to the bottom revealing the clarity of the water.)

It seems that the simplicity of this allows it to be processed in a different way, one that allows for both awakening and a healing and reorganization of our human self.

Meditation: Ground revealed to itself

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I notice that a part of me wants to sensor much of this, because it either seems to simple and obvious, or too confused. But I know of course that all this are relative and provisional truths at most, as anything expressed in words or any other way. Relative truths, in this case coming from a not clear awakening, and written down so they can be let go of more easily.

Allowing content to come and go on its own

So in basic meditation, such as Shikantaza, everything is allowed to be as it is. Sights, sounds, tastes, smells, sensations, thoughts arise. They come and go on their own. They live their own life. If there is an impulse to change any of it, then that is included as well. That too is just noticed. It is all fed to awareness, simply, with ease.

Initial mimicking of Ground

In this, there is initially a conscious mimicking of what Ground already does: allowing all content to come and go on its own, freely. It is the seeing (or more accurately emptiness) inherently free from the always changing content, and naturally and effortlessly allowing the seen to live its own life.

Ground shifts into foreground

After a while, Ground tends to shift into the foreground. It notices itself, becomes aware of itself, brings itself into the foreground of awareness. The shifting content falls into the background, and may be recognized as no different and no other than Ground itself.

There is just the Ground of seeing and seen, inherently absent of I anywhere.

Ground recognizing itself

So by mimicking Ground, allowing content to come and go on its own, Ground is allowed to more easily recognize itself, to bring itself into awareness, as the Ground of seeing and seen inherently absent of I anywhere.

Headlessness and radical subjectivity

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The focus of the upper left quadrant of the aqal model, the individual and inner, is on what is alive in immediate awareness.

And the various practices here, such as meditation, prayer and especially self-inquiry, are all about radical subjectivity: what is alive right here and now, outside of any filters of thoughts – such as ideas, expectations, memories?

Headlessness

Headlessness is one way to explore this radical subjectivity. Is there really a head here in immediate experience?

All I can find are some sensations arising in space, coming and going, and a fuzzy pink blob where others see my nose, but there is no head here. The idea of a head is just that, an idea superimposed on an area of space. There is just space here, allowing anything and everything to arise, to come and go on their own: sensations, sounds, sights, thoughts, this body, arms, hands, desk, screen, window, a dog barking. There is capacity for the world, and the world arising.

Deepening familiarity

And as there is a deepening into this exploration, through meditation, prayer or self-inquiry, there is a deepening familiarity with what we find:

The seen, including this human self, is within space and time, come and go on its own, and there is no I to be found anywhere. How can there be an I there, if it is seen? If there is an I anywhere, it must be in the seeing itself.

The seeing transcends yet embraces time, space and the seen. It is free from the seen, from space and time. It is free from this human self. At the same time, is there really a separation here? Where do I as seeing end and Other as the seen begin? I cannot find that line anywhere.

So there is an early noticing of the Oneness of seeing and seen. They distinct from each other, yet not quite two.

When the sense of I was placed on the seen, there was a sense of I and Other within the seen, within form. Now, when the sense of I is placed on the seeing, there is a sense of I and Other as seeing and seen. Yet, the boundary between the two is not to be found anywhere. Maybe the whole sense of I is superimposed on the seeing and seen? Maybe it comes from the belief in the idea of I, which then the seeing and the seen is filtered through in different ways?

As this is explored, and it becomes more clear how the mechanisms of samsara (a sense of I and Other, of duality) functions and that there is no I to be found anywhere in seeing or seen, it sets the stage for a Ground awakening.

The Ground awakens to itself, as the Ground of seeing and seen, as emptiness and form, as emptiness dancing, absent of I anywhere. The whole sense of an I and a center falls away, and there is only the totality – without center anywhere, so with a center everywhere.

Always already

The irony is that this is what was alive in immediate awareness all the time. It was never not alive to itself.

Yet, since it was not taken seriously, since what was alive in radical subjectivity was not trusted, it remained in the background, overshadowed and (apparently) blocked out by a sense of I and Other, created by the belief in the idea of I, formed by what was being taught by society and those around us.

What is always already here, in immediate awareness, in radical subjectivity, was not trusted, so could not emerge into the foreground. Until it had been explored so thoroughly that the sense and filter of I fell away.

Radical subjectivity

In this sense, spiritual practice is all about radical subjectivity.

What is alive in immediate awareness? What is already alive here now, free from expectations, beliefs, ideas, memories, stories? How does it look when I gradually learn to differentiate what already is from how it is colored by ideas? How does it look, when thoughts arise as just thoughts, along with everything else?

Soul Practices

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There are probably as many, or more, ways to deepen into the soul level as to Big Mind.

For me, the heart prayer, Christ meditation and Breema are the ways I work with the soul level.

The heart prayer and Christ meditation is a second person practice, awakening Spirit – in its Christ aspect – as Thou, and also awakening soul as first person, as I or me.

Breema is a first person practice, awakening soul as I, me or mine.

With the Christ centered practices, there is a sense of deep fullness and richness, of unspeakable beauty, bliss, pain, longing, joy, and sometimes of losing any sense of separate self in an immensity and infinity of bliss and radiance.

In Breema, there is a similar sense of fullness, depth and richness, yet with an absence of the longing, pain, and intensity of the prayer. There is just a sense of calm fullness, of being home, of no separation, a quiet bliss and joy, and of being participation – of all of me participating.

So the fullness and quiet bliss of soul is there in both cases, yet with the Christ practices more intense and transcendent (although also very much in and through the body), and with Breema more quiet and body centered.

Intention as practice

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I find intention to be an invaluable part of my practice.

And it is maybe most helpful in allowing insights and hidden beliefs to surface and be seen.

I notice curiosity arise around an issue, or some area where there seem to be hidden beliefs, and set the intention to allow an insight into this to surface. This intention is simple and quiet, and can take the form of a prayer, and the seed is planted, allowing the plant surfaces a little later.

Symptoms, roots and subtle reductionism

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Beliefs as the root

Through the filter of certain forms of self-inquiry, such as The Work, it certainly appears as if beliefs are the roots of a whole cascade of effects, including emotions and behaviors.

I believe that I am not good enough, make myself depressed, and eat ice cream. I believe my co-worker should be more considerate, feel anger, and try to avoid that person. I believe my kids are at a wrong track because of something I did, feel guilt and regret, and get involved in their lives far more than they appreciate.

So, of course, the thing to do then is to inquire into those beliefs, to get at the root of what is going on.

Working with the effects

At the same time, there are many approaches that work with what appears to be the effects of beliefs, and not the beliefs themselves.

I may experience strong emotions, such as fear, sadness, grief, anger, resentment or panic, or a strong sensation such as pain.

And I can ask myself can I be with what I am experiencing right now?

I can sit with it in meditation, allow it to unfold and live its own life in awareness.

I can bring attention to my body, to the weight of the body, the movements of the body, the breath, the facial expression, the tone of voice.

In each of these ways, I shift the center of gravity out of the seen and into the seeing of it. So here, there is a very real release from the pain that comes from (blind) identification with the seen.

It works, as there is indeed a release from being blindly caught up in the seen, and it helps me find myself as the seeing itself, as the witness.

At the same time, it may only work temporarily. Sometimes, allowing the seen to unfold with less or no interference in this way, and allowing it into awareness, is enough for the patterns to erode and wear themselves out. But other times, they remain and come up again, and again, and again.

(Then there are all the other ways of working with these symptoms, such as therapy, yoga, visualizations and so on. Each of these seem to work in some cases, and maybe not fully in other cases.)

Working with the beliefs themselves

So then, and especially if there is a recurrent pattern, it may be very helpful to inquire into the underlying beliefs themselves.

Is it true? What happens when I hold onto that belief? Who would I be without it?

Allowing the underlying beliefs to unravel in this way, through examining them more thoroughly, also allows its symptoms to fall away. Without roots, no trunk or branches.

Symptoms, roots and subtle reductionism

So working with the symptoms may work for a while. And it can also have other benefits such as finding myself as the seeing, and noticing the shift of center of gravity from the seen and into the seeing, and the effects of that shift.

Yet working with the roots – the beliefs themselves, is is far more effective. It gets to the root cause of it.

Or so it seems, through this filter of inquiry.

I also see that there is a subtle reductionism here, assuming beliefs as the cause and anything else as the effect, in any and all circumstances. Isn’t there also an effect the other way around? If I work with emotions, can’t that influence, and maybe even release, the belief, at least in some cases? And if I work directly with emotions, won’t that support the effects of the inquiry?

And there is also a, maybe less subtle, absolutism here. First, if we see beliefs as the only cause of stress and suffering. And maybe especially if we see the relationship between beliefs and emotions (etc.) as a one-way-street.

Supplement and inquire

In practical terms, it may make our repertoire limited to inquiry only, and we may miss out on some of the insights and transformations that can come from other practices which appear to deal more with the symptoms.

As Ken Wilber says, there is nothing wrong with the practice we are already doing, but supplement. Try some other things as well, and see what happens.

And it may also be helpful to notice this tendency to subtle reductionism and absolutism, and bring even that into inquiry. Is it true that beliefs are always the cause of stress? Is it true that I won’t benefit from working with other approaches besides self-inquiry?

Self/Other Grid II

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The Self/Other practice or modality grid mentioned in an earlier post left out the body level.

With it, the rough outline could look like this:

Self/Body

Various forms of exercise, including aerobic and strength, and diet, sleep and self-massage.

Other/Body

Forms of bodywork, such as massage, other-assisted stretching, medicines, surgery.

Self/Energy

Forms of yoga, including indian yoga, tai chi, chi gong, and related practices such as Breema.

Other/Energy

Forms of healing and energy transmissions such as reiki and diksha.

Self/Consciousness

Forms of inquiry and meditation, such as The Work, headlessness experiments and shikataza.

Other/Consciousness

Changes in content or context of consciousness catalyzed by an apparent Other, by a teacher, Christ and God.

Interactions

This grid overlays Ground and its many manifestations, so it is one fluid whole before and after we put on this grid. This also means that through the filter of this grid, we will see interactions between each of the areas.

When I or somebody else works on my body, it has effects on energy and consciousness levels. Energy may start flowing more freely, I may feel more relaxed and/or alert, and so on.

When I or somebody else works on my energy aspect, it has effects on my physical body, maybe healing of or relief from physical problems, and my consciousness aspect, maybe an experience of bliss or clarity, maybe even glimpses of Big Mind or selflessness.

When I or somebody else influences my consciousness, it also affects on the two other levels. My body may change, maybe it relaxes and tension melts away, and my energy system may change, maybe knots unravel and energy flows more freely again.

Integral Life Practice

The Other portion of this grid is often left out of integral practice discussions and frameworks, but it seems that for it to be more inclusive, and more aligned with the what is out there and available to us in terms of practices and tools for healing and awakening, both the Self and Other sections must be included.

Spiritual Practice as Alignment with Ground

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Spiritual practice can be seen as a gradual alignment with Ground.

More precisely, it is Ground temporarily misidentifying itself as exclusively a human being, and trying in various ways to mimic what it already is.

It is a gradual remembrance of what we really are, a gradual waking up from the dream of being identified as a human being.

Shikantaza

In shikantaza, just sitting, we allow whatever arises to come and go on its own, to live its own life. Ground does this inherently, allowing any experiences and any phenomena to arise, to come and go, to live their own life.

More accurately: Ground is temporarily misidentified as a segment – as a human self or maybe pure awareness, as seeing but not seen. And through shikantaza or similar approaches to meditation, it tries to mimick what it already is: that which allows any and all phenomena to come and go on their own.

Practicing selflessness

In practicing selflessness, we practice getting out of the idea of I and take a larger and more inclusive view. Ground, temporarily forming itself into any phenomena including all beings, is inherently selfless. There is no I anywhere.

More accurately: Ground, temporarily misidentified as a human self and an object in the world, tries to practice what it already is: selfless. Due to the temporary misidentificaiton, this seems very difficult, if not impossible, until Ground begins to remember what it is.

Prayer

In prayer, we try to connect with God, allowing the apparenty boundary between I and God to dissolve.

Or more accurately: Ground temporarily splits itself into an individual human self or soul, and as God or Spirit, and tries to connect the two, allowing the apparent boundary between the two to dissolve.

Self-Inquiry

In self-inquiry, we explore what is already true in immediate experience. There is a human self, but is there an I anywhere? There is the doing of this human self, but is there a doer? What is it that comes and goes? What is it that does not come and go? What happens when there is an attachment to a thought? What happens when there is not an attachment to a belief? If I take a statement and turns it around any way possible, is there some truth in each of these new statements? Is it possible to not attach to any one, yet be free to engage in and play with any and all of them?

More accurately: Ground, temporarily misidentified as a human self, explores what is already true in immediate awareness. In this way, it gradually starts uncovering what is already there, what always and already is there.

Preparing the ground

Through these and other practices, the ground is prepared – so to speak – for Ground to awaken to its own nature. To suddenly, in a flash, recognize what it already is, what it always is, inherently absent of any I anywhere.

Traditional & Eclectic

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Whenever I talk with someone who is deeply committed to a particular practice or path, a double response comes up in me. One voice says “ha! I know approaches that can resolve those things in a flash!” and another says “I am not that committed, I’ll never get anywhere because my focus is too spread out and I jump from one thing to another”.

Some beliefs behind these may be…

“They should know what I know”, “I know better”, “They are not using the most effective approach”, “They should be more open minded”

And “I need to stay with one thing to get anywhere”, “I am not staying with one thing”, “They are more dedicated than I am”, “My focus is too spread out”, “I am not sticking with tried and true approaches”.

Of course, both the traditional sticking-with-one-thing approach and the more eclectic and integral one have their value and merit.

One is tried and true, well formed, clear, giving predictable results. Although it is sometimes a little narrow, not making use of tools and techniques from outside the tradition which may work well for them. It is a little like a horse with blinders – focused but partially blind.

The other is wildly eclectic, using whatever works, cross training through combining practices, willing to modify, let go of, and adopt practices depending on what is available, experience and what seems to work the best. At the same time, it is definetely not a tried and true approach, it is more risky and often less proven by time, it can be a little scattered at times. There is a wide view, yet also maybe not a clear path.

A pretty safe way may be to (a) follow a traditional practice over time, with the guidance of an experienced teacher, and (b) add onto it various other techniques which may help in specific areas. The main course is solid and stays the same, while the side dishes and garnish change according to what is available, what seems to work, and just plain curiosity and sense of adventure.

Just Happens & Practice

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Another posting on the obvious…

There is and isn’t a big difference between something that just happens – that happens to us or out of the blue, and something that comes through practice and from a thorough familiarity with the terrain.

Is and isn’t a difference

There isn’t a big difference, in that the terrain we land in may be very similar.

And yet there is a difference – in how familiar we are with the process and dynamics of getting there, in our ability to guide ourselves and others there, and in how readily accessible the terrain is to us if we are not there.

There are innumerable examples of this, from any area of life and human experience.

Acupuncture, relationships and awakening

For instance, I can go to an acupuncturist and experience a big shift and maybe even healing or more sense of spirit, passion and clarity in my life. But I don’t know the ins and outs of what is happening. I probably won’t be able to replicate it on my own. I am dependent on the practitioner and the needles. And all of those are fine. Yet, if I engage in various forms of yoga – for instance taoist yoga – I can learn the mechanics of what is happening at a finely tuned level. I can become so familiar with the terrain and how to get there that I can do it on my own. I can possibly even go further than what the acupuncturist can do for me.

I may be in a good relationship, which just happened to be that way from the beginning. And yet not (consciously) know what allows for such a relationship. Or I can be in a difficult relationship and work with and through it, allowing it to arrive at the same place as the other one – with the big difference that now I know something more about the terrain. I know something more about going from problems to ease, I know something about how to work on these issues – with myself and another person.

Or – as was the case for me – there may be an awakening coming out of the blue. I may be very familiar with the terrain of awakening, and it may correspond with the most clear and insightful descriptions and teachings from any tradition or mystic. Yet, I don’t know much about how to get there. It just happened. So there may be a fall (as again was the case for me), allowing me the opportunity to explore how it is without this awakening and how to work through it back into the awakening. I learn far more about this terrain in that way. And really, there is more freedom as there is a deeper and more thorough understanding of the dynamics of the process, of the mechanisms of samsara and how they are seen through and allowed to fall away.

Both beautiful

Both are valuable – the given, the gift, that which comes out of the blue, and the work, the practice, the gradual familiarity with the terrain.

The given is beautiful when it happens, and it allows for a taste of what is possible.

And the practice and gradual familiarity with the terrain is beautiful as well, especially in its insights with more of the ins and outs of the process, and it ability to help oneself and others through the terrain.

Gateways

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Whenever I do Process Work, Big Mind, Inquiry or Breema, I notice that each of them is a gateway into the same deeper process and dynamics, and also particular commonalities among them.

This is not surprising, but it does give a nice sense of triangulation – or a certain cross-training as they talk about in integral practice (although areas like diet, water, energies, social/ecological engagement and so on are left out of that particular list).

The Work and Process Work

For instance, I noticed today how question number 1,2,3 and 4 in The Work is similar to exploring the edge between primary and secondary processes in Process Work (our conscious identity and that which is there and not yet conscious yet).

And the turnarounds in The Work is similar to exploring the secondary process itself, that which was over the edge from our conscious identity.

And in both, there is an emphasis on living the turnarounds/secondary process, to bring it into our daily life, even if it is just a drop of for now.

Currently…

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Reading

Luminous Night’s Journey – A. H. Almaas

Spacecruiser Inquiry – A. H. Almaas

Anatomy of Miracles – Subagh Singh Khalsa (Sat Nam Rasayan)

The Healing Art of Sat Nam Rasayan – Guru Dev Singh

Classical Five Element Acupuncture Vol. III – J.R. Worsley

Listening to

Aerial – Kate Bush

Ancestral Voices – Carlos Nakai, William Eaton

Voices from the Distant Steppe – Shu De

Orphan’s Lament – Huun Huur Tu

Egypt – Yossou N’Dour

Glassworks – Philip Glass

Unfolding – Axiom of Choice

Niyaz

Portals of Grace – Azam Ali

Himalaya – Eric Valli

Blue Idol – Altan

Morimur – Bach (Hilliard Ensamble)

Die Kunst der Fuge – Bach (Keller Quartet)

Byron Katie – dialogues

Joel Morwood – talks (Center for Sacred Sciences)

Practices

Byron Katie inquiries, daily in periods

Atma Vichara – inquiry into what appears most as “I” and seeing that too as empty of any I, just appearing within space as everything else

Breema – Self-Breema and bodywork, daily

Facilitating Big Mind – couple of times a week

Kundalini yoga – weekly classes, simple exercises a few times a day (breath of fire and more)

Sitting practice – shikantaze, now and then

Deeksha – monthly hands-on deekshas, and inviting in at any time

Sat Nam Rasayan – weekly classes, sometimes during the day

Being with whatever is – going into experiences, especially uncomfortable ones

Water (80+ ounces a day), diet, some strength, walks, biking

Offering to the divine – any perceived problems, my human self, my whole being, my relationships, the house and material goods, community, earth, universe

Intention – to have resolved/cleared whatever prevents… (awakening, living a fuller live)

Movies as Practice

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The same ruminations seem to come up over and over, which has the benefit of allowing it to sink in a little more. And they all seem to move on with time as well, which I appreciate.

A current theme for me is movies as practice.

Watching movies allows me an opportunity to…

  • Recognize some of our collective projections and shadows
  • Recognize some of my own projections and shadows
  • Notice how I relate to everything coming up in me from watching the movie – emotions, thoughts, triggered reactions, and so on.
  • Find myself more as Big Mind, that in which everything unfolds within – the events of the movie, in the room/movie theater, and from my human self.
  • Explore how the Spiral Dynamics levels can play themselves out.

And so on.

Twelve O’Clock High

For instance, in my exploration of the world of classics I watched Twelve O’Clock High a couple of days ago.

Although this movie was not quite as juicy for me as some other ones, it helped me recognize what seemed a quite healthy expression of Spiral Dynamics blue.

It seemed to be a good example of how authority, hierarchy, discipline, loyalty and other blue level qualities can play themselves out in an appropriate setting (during WW2) and in a quite healthy way.

And I also saw how I want to bring more of these qualities into my own life again, after a period where they have been more in the background. They are all appropriate, all valuable, playing themselves out in certain ways and certain areas in the tapestry of my life. How do they show up in my life right now? How and in what ways can I invite them more fully into my life? Where can they benefit me and others?

The movie also reminded me of one of the ways our shadow can become completely other, to the point not even being noticed or acknowledged to any significant extent. The Nazis in the movie, and the civilians bombed, were not acknowledged at all, apart from being marks on a map. The ones carrying the shadow for us can – in some instances – become completely ignored as living, human beings.

Of course, we have seen this recently too, in how Iraqis civilians are ignored in the US media, and how people around the world – suffering in desperate situations, are similarly ignored and left out of the media picture and the public discourse. Nowhere is this more obvious than for people in areas of Africa.

Heart Centered Practice: Fullness, engagement and embodiment

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I used to focus on heart centered practices – mainly the heart prayer, Christ meditation (visualizing Christ in the heart and about 5 feet away in all six directions), and gratitude (for everything happening, through for instance repeating the word “thanks” as a mantra) – and it seems that they are slowly coming back. There is a quite different embodiment that comes from heart-centered practices, a different sense of engagement in the world.

There are many ways of talking about this, and I am only scratching the surface here as with everything else (and am obviously far behind many others who have explored this).

Where inquiry and basic sitting practice gives insight and clarity, heart-centeredness gives engagement. The first is a zero/first person relationship with God, and the second a second person relationship with God. One gives the context, the other the content. One gives clarity and space, the other fullness and richness. One gives equanimity, the other joy, gratitude and compassion.

And both seem needed, at least in my case.

There is a continuing deepening into the heart and living from the heart possible, before and after a nondual awakening.

The Simplest Way

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The simplest way to Enlightenment/God Realization is to see everything as Buddha Mind/God. Every phenomena is the manifestation of God/Buddha Mind.

Whatever we see as “not God” is exactly where we are stuck. Whenever I resist an experience, there is suffering. When I fully experience it, it reveals itself as bliss.

It is very simple, but not easy. When awareness is exclusively identified with the small self, it naturally functions dualistically – which creates a filter preventing us to directly experience Existence. When awareness awakens to its own nature – and (often later) to Big Mind – it is free to function in a more transdual way. There is no separation and a perception of the radience of all phenomena. And this more transdual view is brought into more and more areas of life, until everything is revealed as God – in all situations.

This gives us a good guideline for long-term and everyday practices.

Yes

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The practice of saying “yes” is suggested in several traditions – one example is Chogyam Trungpa.

I notice that right now, even that is too much. It is extra. When I drop the “yes”, I am where it is pointing to.

Footnote: This of course is always changing. What works in one inner/outer situation, is extra in another. Right now, just being the experiences as the arise, unfold, fade, is sufficient. It is beyond simple. No extra is needed.

Tools & Situations

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Any tool is of value and use in certain inner/outer situations, and of less use in other.

I find that many of the tools that were useful for me in the past, now often seem crude – they seem extra.

Counting the breath has been a useful tool. Now, it is often too noisy. It is extra.

Being with my experiences was a useful tool into letting go of resistance. Now, being with is too much of a separation. Why be with when I can be the experience.

Saying “yes” to Existence as it manifests here/now may be useful. But for me, it is extra. It is an effort that brings me away from just being the experiences here/now.

Doing it for Myself

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As I mentioned in a previous posting, it has become very clear to me that everything I do, I do for myself. Always. I can make up a story that I am doing it due to external circumstances, but when I look into it, I see that I am doing it only for myself. This is a liberating realization.

Some examples…

  • Paying taxes
    The story is that I pay it because I “have” to. “They make me do it”. The reality is that I choose to do it, because I don’t want the trouble that comes with not doing it. I do it for myself.

  • Doing someone a favor
    The story is that I do it for them, and there can be a substory that I “have” to do it even if it is inconvenient for me or I don’t want to. The reality is that I do it to either avoid trouble (unpleasantness in the relationship) or because I experience a connection with the person and it gives me joy to do something for her/him. I do it for myself.

  • I give free Breema sessions
    The story could be that I do it for them, that I am selfless and noble. The reality is that I do it because it gives me so much – both during the session and in connecting with people. I do it for myself.

  • I go to an event I don’t want to go to
    The story is that I go because I “have” to go, it is expected of me. The reality is that I go because I either don’t want the possibly unpleasant consequences by not going (disapproval etc) or because I expect to get something out of it. And I have judged this to be more important than the drawbacks of going. Again, I do it for myself.

Of course, for some of these – such as attending an event we don’t really want to attend – the choice may be different when we realize our real intentions. When we inquire into it, we may choose a different action. In other cases, inquiring just clarifies why we do it and dissipates any sense of ambivalence that may be there.

There is an exercise from Nonviolent Communication that can be very helpful here, along with Byron Katie’s inquiry process…

  1. Make a list of your top ten least favorable things to do
  2. Write a sentence for each one of these in the format “I have to … because …” (this is the story you tell yourself).
  3. Write another sentence for each in the format “I choose to … because …” (this is reality).

And from this, there are three typical outcomes…

  1. I see that I really want to do it, and the sense of ambivalence is dissipated. I stop blaming circumstances and see that I do it for myself. My attitude changes.
  2. I see that my reasons for doing it does not hold up, and I stop doing it. My action changes.
  3. I find another way of doing it that is more aligned with what is comfortable for me. The way I do it changes.

Partnership

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I was reminded of how we are always in partnership with Existence, whether we recognize it or not. Even after we realize the seamless whole of the inner and outer world, there can be a sense of partnership – because there are still distinctions.

For instance in a spiritual practice/deepening, there is always a partnership between what we perceive as “me” and the rest of Existence. We make ourselves available to Existence, and can recognize the nature of mind (spacious awareness) and move into a more transdual view – into Big Mind. This is the case whether it appears that we are doing it “on our own” (as in Zen) or whether it is supported by “transmission” (as in Waking Down or through the deekshas).

In either case, Existence makes it available to itself. And in either case, the realizations has to be clarified, deepened and lived through this life.

Integral Practice

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Current practice…

  • Breema (bodywork, self-breemas, principles)
  • Being with what is (asking myself Can I be with what I am experiencing right now? – from Rapahel Kushnir)
  • Inquiry 1 (nature of mind)
  • Inquiry 2 (Byron Katie)
  • Relationships (friends + intimate)
  • Shamata/Vipassana
  • Deekshas (just started)
  • Work (engagement in the world)
  • Social change work (NWEI courses at workplaces)
  • Nature (hiking, backpacking, some deep ecology group activities)
  • journaling (here and in physical journal)
  • Framework (AQAL model, integral framework)
  • Visualizations (health, well-being, view)
  • Exercise (walking, biking, hiking, backpacking, some strength)
  • Nutrition (whole simple foods, listening to the body)
  • Just breathing, walking, standing, sitting, talking – being and living and experiencing

Evolutionary Process?

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Living here on the West Coast, it definitely seems that we are at the cusp of an evolutionary shift – more and more people seem to have different forms of life-transforming awakenings. They may not be full blown and stable awakenings into/as Big Mind, but a taste and an opening in that direction.

And there are so many techniques that really works…

Waking Down In Mutuality

Most people have their “second birth” within a year, from what I am told. For me, the shift happened only a couple of months after engaging in it more fully. There is an awakening to the Absolute, the nature of mind, and a rich, sensual, intimate sense of no separation with all phenomena. It seems permanent, and it is definitely unfolding. It is not anywhere near a full Enlightenment, but it is a taste – it is a little opening into it.
www.wakingdown.org

Byron Katie’s Inquiry Process

A simple process of inquiring into our beliefs, which makes it impossible to believe in them anymore. We are freed from thoughts and ideas and the confusion believing in them brings about, and can live from the nature of mind – from effortless spacious clarity, wisdom and compassion.
www.thework.org

Big Mind Process

An exploration process of the different ways the mind can manifest, on personal and transpersonal levels. It leads us into the transpersonal – Big Mind – view, and helps us see that it is always available. A little shift is enough. The Big Mind process can be used in many different ways, from healing on a personal level to connecting with and exploring Existence from the view of the Buddha Mind.
www.bigmind.org

Breema

A practice that takes the form of bodywork. It allows us to connect with Big Mind, in a very rich and full way.
www.breema.org

And among the many other techniques and approaches, here is one that I just heard about….

Deeksha

This seems quite similar to Waking Down in Mutuality, especially in terms of the shift – and the speed and way it occurs.
www.livinginjoy.org

This is definitely a cultural shift and transformation, and may even be an evolutionary shift for our species. Who knows. I am about to read Translucent Revolution which is about just this topic.

What this means is that the leading edge may consist of more people – at least in terms of the states they are dipped into if not the level they are consistently (yet) at – although the majority of humanity will still operate from red (egocentric), blue (absolutism) and orange (modernism) levels in Spiral Dynamics terms.