Victim identity

I seem to be in a process of cleaning out anything not aligned with reality and love, and as part of that the victim identity sometimes comes up very strongly.

Any image or thought that’s held as true creates identification as a victim, and some more obviously so than other. I am a victim of the world. And with that, there are additional stories. It’s hopeless. Life is against me. I can’t have what I want. I am unlovable. I am missing out. He has a better life than me. Nothing goes my way. I will be alone. 

Some things I do in addition to sometimes getting completely caught up in it:

Giving it all over to God. I give all – this body, mind, situation – over to you, God. 

Giving it to the heart flame. Placing my body-mind, and the victim identification, in the flame. Allowing the flame (clarity, love, non-identification) to burn away anything not like itself.

Identifying and inquiring into beliefs.

Inviting in natural strength, clarity, love. Natural strength is welcome here. 

Asking for deep healing and resolution. Asking for guidance. Show me the way. Let this find deep resolution and healing. 

Asking that this will be for the benefit of all beings. (Aligning myself with that intention.) Asking myself if it’s true that this is not already to the benefit of all beings. (Noticing I don’t know it’s not this way, noticing where I find examples of how it already is that way.)

Here are a couple of questions to help me see what’s really there:

What do I hope to get out of victim identification?

If I am a victim…. Others will love me, take care of me. I will get what I want. God will take care of me. God will love me. Life will give me what I want. I get to not take responsibility. I get to not look at my assumptions. I get to stay a child. Others will pay attention to me. I can manipulate others to get what I want.

What am I afraid would happen if it wasn’t there?

If the victim identification wasn’t here, what I fear the most is….. It would be unfamiliar. I wouldn’t know how to live. I wouldn’t get what I want. I wouldn’t be able to manipulate others. Others wouldn’t pay attention to me. They wouldn’t love me.

Update: I see how the victim identity is connected to the basic childhood wound. And also how identification with the victim identity is behind most of what’s been most painful in my life, and most or all of what I have regretted. It’s led to passivity and frozenness, which in turn has led to “missed opportunities” in relationships, where I have lived, what I have studied and so on. (Which is a gained opportunity to recognize this.) Identification with the victim identity is also inherently painful.

The truth will set the victim identity free from being identified with, and the truth includes: (a) The effect of this identification in my life. (Missed relationship opportunities. Missed opportunities to live where I have been drawn to living. Missed educational opportunities. Missed opportunities in everyday activities.) (b) The pain inherent in identification with the victim identity. The suffering, regret, and loneliness inherent in it. (c) The fear of the victim identity, the running away from it and pushing it away, which prevents it from being met as a friend, and from being understood and loved. (d) That the victim identity and the stories associated with it are not true. (e) The strength available when the victim identity is not identified with.

In meeting the victim identity/identification in satsang, I see that the fear of meeting it is very strong so I held satsang with that fear too.

I also see that it helps to notice that this is the universal victim. It makes it less personal and easier to meet, and it’s a reminder that when I hold satsang with the victim I do it not only for myself.


– victim, whenever identification w an image/thought
– victim of the world, additional stories – it’s hopeless, life is against me, i can’t have what i want,

Victim identity + resistance to vi
Into flame

– identification with the victim identity – what do I hope to get out of it? What am I afraid would happen if it wasn’t here?

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