Tag: consciousness

My before-life experience

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I have written about my before-incarnation flashbacks before, and thought I would revisit it briefly.

FLASHBACKS

As a child, I would have flashbacks to the time before this life. They would typically come when I was out and alone on a sunny day and the sun filtered through the leaves, especially of the tall birch trees on the west side of the house.

These flashbacks were to a time before this life. I didn’t have body, all was golden light, and there was a profound sense of being home, and a profound sense of love and the presence of wisdom. It felt like my real home.

REFLECTING ON IT LATER

I don’t think it never occurred to me to mention it to anyone. I wouldn’t have found the words and it couldn’t be touched by words. It so clearly didn’t belong to this life so I must have suspected they wouldn’t relate. It also didn’t occur to me that it could be connected to the little I heard people say about God, religion, and so on. That seemed very abstract, and this was so far from abstract.

The description above was the aspects of it I was consciously aware of at the time. Looking back, I can say a few more things about it. Everything was consciousness. It was all golden light. There was that profound sense of home, love, and wisdom. It was a lived oneness that was not consciously reflected on.

At the same time, there was a kind of center and “me”. There was a sense of timelessness, and of time passing in the far distance somewhere.

There was not even the slightest hint of wanting or needing anything.

LONGING

Later in childhood, I would often wake up with a deep sense of longing and I didn’t know what it was for.

This was a longing that could not be touched by anything in my life at the time, not even my favorite things: Bread with strawberry jam, drinking hot chocolate, reading Carl Barks stories, reading favorite books (Hardy Boys, Jules Verne, Sherlock Holmes, etc.) , being with my parents or friends, being out in the garden, and so on.

ONENESS SHIFT

At age sixteen, I walked along the gravel path to my parents’ house, looked up at the star-filled night sky, a big wind blew threw the landscape, and there was a sudden shift. Everything without exception was revealed as God, as the divine, as Spirit. Everything is God expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself as that, including this human self and any sense of being a separate individual.

This came with a huge influx of energy (felt like high voltage going through regular housing wires), insights, and inspiration for music and art. The intense part of this process lasted for several years, well into my mid-twenties.

The shift itself never went away, although there is still a lot to clarify, deepen, mature, and so on related to it.

EFFECTS ON MY LIFE

What effects have these flashbacks had on my life? It’s difficult to say for certain, but I have a sense of what they are.

I was very interested in parapsychology – and also ghosts, UFOs, and similar – as a kid and in my teens. I was interested in what was slightly outside of the conventional world as it was presented to me. That may come from a knowing that there is more than what our culture presents as reality.

I rejected Christianity and religion early in life and became a self-professed atheist in elementary school. Christianity, as it was presented to me, seemed naive and one-dimensional. They asked me to pretend that something is true that I can’t check out for myself. It all seemed like second- and third-hand information and escapism.

I also love life and am in awe of this life and universe. I feel I am a brief visitor here (which we are, no matter what) and wish to make the most out of it.

Since early in life, it has felt like my real home is what I had those flashbacks to. This is just a temporary visit.

I have been fascinated by Near Death Experiences (NDEs) since childhood, likely because they remind me of these flashbacks. The essence is the same, although the details are different. It seems that the effects the flashbacks has had on me is also similar to the effects NDEs tend to have on people’s lives.

IMAGINING INTO IT

I did regression therapy in my early twenties. The intention was to go back into past lives, but I instead ended up in this time between lives. There were twelve beings there, immensely wise and loving and without a body. We all existed within and as the consciousness that was all there is.

They showed me this incarnation and asked if it was OK for me. I said yes but meant no. I really didn’t want it. They showed me that I would be part of an important transition for humanity, a small but important part like many (millions?) of others. Whether this was a kind of memory or imagination, it felt meaningful.

MY TASK – TO FIND IT HERE AND NOW

In the oneness shift, it was clear to me that this is what the flashbacks were about. This oneness I am and always are, whether it’s consciously noticed or not. The essence of the flashbacks and the oneness shift is oneness. That’s home. That’s my nature.

My sense is that my task in this life – or, at least, the task I am giving myself – is to keep finding it here and now, explore living from and as it, and inviting my human self to reorganize within it.

My task is, in a sense, to bring Heaven to Earth. To notice heaven here and now. To bring it in – through noticing and living from that noticing of my nature, to meet my experiences with kindness, and so on.

CURRENT EDGE OF EXPLORATION

These days, it’s easy for me to notice all as one and consciousness, and that the consciousness I am and everything is forms itself into this always changing field of experience. It forms itself into my world.

At the same time, there are still habitual patterns that I sometimes get caught up in, patterns formed from separation consciousness.

That’s why it’s helpful for me to notice what my personality doesn’t like – including contractions in my body, discomfort, reactivity, and triggers in the wider world. And then notice what they are made up of – awake space, consciousness, the divine.

I am exploring viscerally noticing it as this awake space, as the divine taking that form too, and inviting my human self to reorganize within that noticing.

THE PERSONAL AND UNIVERSAL

Why do I write about this?

I share because I assume there is something universal in all of my experiences. I assume something similar has happened to some or many others. And like me, they may not talk about it much – if at all – with others.

It makes it worth putting it out there to say that (a) this can happen and it’s part of the human experience, (b) it’s likely not that unusual, (c) you are not alone if this or something similar has happened with you, and (d) it says something about our nature and what we can find here and now.

When the dreamlike nature of reality becomes ordinary

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In an awakening process, it’s common to – at some point – experience waking life as a dream. Our human self can initially respond to this in different ways, and it does become ordinary over time.

GENERAL OBSERVATIONS

I assume that a common experience on the awakening path is to recognize the dreamlike nature of reality. The world seems dreamlike. This is something specific and clear, and it’s relatively easy to understand why we have this experience.

Whether we notice or not, our nature is consciousness. We are, in our own experience, consciousness, and the world – as it appears to us – happens within and as the consciousness we are. The consciousness we are forms itself into this whole field of experience which includes this human self, anything associated with this human self (thoughts, emotions, states, identities, identifications), and the wider world.

Dreams happen within and as the consciousness we are. That’s something most of us notice. What fewer consciously notice is that waking life does too. All our experiences, whether asleep or awake, happen within and as the consciousness we are, whether we notice or not.

That’s why, when we notice our nature (when our nature notices itself), reality can seem dreamlike. We recognize that waking life is just like dreams. They all happen within and as this awake space we are.

This can be slightly disturbing to our human self, or not. In either case, it becomes ordinary over time.

MY EXPERIENCE

For me, the dreamlike nature of reality came to the foreground in two phases.

First, when I was fifteen, the world – just about all content of experience including thoughts, feelings, etc. – went far away. Identification was only left in the observer, which was one part of the content of experience. Everything felt dreamlike and it was very disturbing to this human self.

Then, a year later, there was a shift into oneness and everything was revealed as consciousness. Or, as I thought of it then – and still find valid – everything was revealed as Spirit, God, including this human self and anything associated with this human self. In other words, everything is dreamlike. What before had been disturbing was now beyond amazing to this human self.

These days, the dreamlike nature of reality is still noticed and unavoidable, and this human self and psyche are more used to it. It’s a lived-in world at this point, and still as amazing.

Why does reality have a dreamlike nature? It’s because, to myself, I am consciousness, and the world to me happens within and as the consciousness I am. To me, the world appears as if made of consciousness.

And I assume it’s like that for you too, whether you notice or not.

A FEW MORE NOTES

As usual, there is a lot more to say about this.

The world may have a dreamlike nature, and I still need to be a good steward for my own life. For my own sake, and for the sake of others – dreamlike as they may appear – I need to be a good steward and treat others as I would like to be treated.

There are many ways to understand this shift into oneness and the noticing the dreamlike nature of reality. Some may, as I do here, understand it from a first-person perspective and not draw conclusions about the nature of reality itself. (Small understanding of awakening.) Others may draw conclusions about the nature of reality and assume existence itself IS consciousness. (Big understanding of awakening.)

There is another sense in which waking life is similar to dreams for me. When I work with dreams, I see everyone and everything in the dream as representing parts of me. I do the same with waking life. I use the world as a mirror. I can take any story I have about anyone or anything, turn it to be about me, and find genuine and specific examples of how it’s true.

THE PERSONAL AND UNIVERSAL

Why do I write about this?

I share because I assume there is something universal in all of my experiences. I assume others have similar experiences and explore this in a similar way.

It makes it worth putting it out there to say that (a) this can happen and it’s part of the human experience, (b) it’s likely not that unusual, (c) you are not alone if you experience or notice something similar, and (d) it says something about our nature and it’s something we can intentionally explore.

Note: I wrote the second section first, in January this year. I later found it among many unpublished posts and decided to publish it with some additions.

The image is created by me and ChatGPT.

Conscious through dreamless sleep

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By setting the intention, I seem to be able to remain conscious through dreamless sleep.

I explored this twenty or more years ago, and found it slightly interesting, although also quite boring.

The consciousness I am remains aware of itself, and yet there is no content of experience – apart from consciousness itself. No time, no dreams, no nothing.

It’s one of many reminders of my nature as this awake space. It’s also a reminder of how amazing this life is, with all its fascinating and always changing content.

I took that with me, and yet – for this human self – it didn’t seem interesting enough to pursue.

I assume that as we become more used to noticing what we are – this awake space that forms itself into this whole field of experience – it’s easier, and even natural, for the consciousness we are to notice itself even when there is no particular content of experience, in dreamless sleep. And, in my case, it seems to depend on intention. It’s there with that intention, and not if the intention goes the other way.

Why is it difficult to talk about our nature?

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It’s famously difficult to talk about our nature.

Why?

ALL WE HAVE EVER KNOWN

It’s not because what we are is far away, obscure, unfamiliar to us, or something very special.

After all, it’s what we are. It’s what we all already are most familiar with.

It’s really the only thing we are familiar with. It’s all we have ever known.

So why is it difficult?

THE NATURE OF LANGUAGE

It has to do with the nature of language.

Mental representations are just that, mental representations.

They are maps of the world. They are questions about the world. They are different in nature from what they point to. (Unless they happen to refer to mental representations.) They cannot hold any full, final, or absolute truth. They are always provisional. They are always only useful in a particular situation and context. They can help us orient and function in the world. In their nature, they split while reality is a seamless whole.

WHAT THE RECIPIENT IS CONSCIOUSLY FAMILIAR WITH

It also has to do with what the recipient is consciously familiar with.

If the recipient is familiar with their nature, then the conversation tends to flow naturally and easily. After all, we are both familiar with and talk about the same terrain.

If they are not consciously familiar with it, then no words can really convey it. They don’t have a conscious reference for it. They are not familiar with the terrain. (Although they are, of course, without consciously realizing it.)

IT’S NOT UNIQUE TO TALKING ABOUT OUR NATURE

This is not unique to talking about our nature.

It has to do with language and communication, and applies to everything we talk about.

If you haven’t tasted an apple, then it’s difficult to convey with words how it tastes.

ONE SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE

There is also one significant difference between talking about our nature and talking about most other things.

If you haven’t tasted an apple, but are familiar with other fruits, I can use that as a reference. I can convey something by referencing what you already know.

That’s more difficult when it comes to our nature. If you are not consciously familiar with your nature, then what you are familiar with is whatever is within the content of experience, and there isn’t anything there that’s a good or useful reference.

That is one reason why it’s actually more difficult to talk about our nature if the recipient is not already familiar with that particular terrain.

WHAT IS OUR NATURE?

So what is our nature? How would I put it into words?

Depending on the situation, I would maybe say that….

It’s not wrong that I am this human self in the world. It’s an assumption that works reasonably well, although it also comes with some inherent unease and discomfort.

In my own immediate noticing, I find I am something else. I am what this whole field of experience – which includes this human self and the wider world – happens within and as.

I am this awake space that forms itself into all content of experience, including anything related to this human self.

This is nothing special. It’s what I assume you are too.

It’s what I already am very familiar with. It’s what you already are very familiar with. It’s what I already am. It’s what you already am.

The only difference is in noticing it and getting familiar with it in a more conscious way.

NOTICING IT AND TAKING IT SERIOUSLY

Even that isn’t necessarily so difficult, especially with some guided structured noticing – AKA inquiry. I find the Big Mind process, Headless experiments, and detailed sense field explorations (Kiloby Inquiries) very helpful.

Noticing is just the first step.

Sometimes, we notice and don’t pursue it for a variety of reasons. We may think that it’s too simple and obvious so it can’t possibly be “it”. We may not see the value in it. We may not be drawn to continue to explore it.

If we are drawn to continue to explore it, then that opens up another path.

This is a path of continuing to notice, through different situations and states. We are creating a new habit of our nature noticing itself, independent of the changing content of experience.

It’s a path of clarifying and differentiating our nature from all the phenomena it forms itself into.

It’s a path of recognizing all the phenomena our nature forms itself into, and especially that which our personality doesn’t like, as our nature.

It’s a path of exploring how it is for this human self to live and function within that noticing.

It’s a path of this human self and its bodymind transforming within this noticing, and aligning more deeply and thoroughly with oneness recognizing itself.

That’s where the real work is. Noticing can be easy. Continuing to notice independent of the always changing content of experience is where the work is. Exploring how it is to live within that noticing is where the work is. Intentionally joining with the inevitable (and often challenging) transformation of this human self is where the work is.

(Some of) The many ways dreams and waking life are the same

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I could say that there are many parallels between dreams and waking life, and it wouldn’t be wrong.

And this is a more honest and direct way of saying it:

I keep noticing many ways dreams and waking life are the same.

THE WORLD IS MY MIRROR

The world – whether in dreams or waking life – mirrors me.

I can take whatever story I have about anyone or anything, turn it to be about myself, and find specific and genuine examples of how it’s true.

Exploring the world as a mirror, whether it’s dreams or waking life, helps me find and get to know more of my wholeness. I am already as rich as the world, the question is only if I actively explore it, notice it, and consciously live from and as it.

This is an ongoing and deepening process without any finishing line.

DREAMS AND WAKING LIFE HAPPENS WITHIN AND AS WHAT I AM

In one sense, I am this human self in the world. That’s not wrong. And yet, when I look, I find I more fundamentally am something else. I am what the world, as it appears to me, happens within and as.

Dreams and waking life are both content of experience. They both happen within and as what I am. They are no different from each other in that sense.

What I am forms itself into dreams and waking life at different times, and sometimes even at the same time. (During waking life, I can sense and sometimes connect with the dreaming part of consciousness.)

Even more fundamentally, what I am is capacity for all of it – consciousness and all it forms itself into.

DREAMS AND WAKING LIFE ARE MADE OF THE SAME

Said another way, dreams and waking life are made of the same.

They are made of the consciousness I am. They are made of awakeness. (The ordinary awakeness inherent in consciousness.)

They are made of awake space.

They are made of capacity taking the form of all of it – awakeness and what it forms itself into.

DREAMS AND WAKING LIFE COME AND GO

Dreams and waking life come and go. It’s all ephemeral. It’s all visitors.

Even this human self and any ideas of being a self (or anything else) come and go.

I am not fundamentally any of it.

I am what forms itself into all of it. I am what it all comes and goes within and as.

I am capacity for all of it.

DREAMS AND WAKING LIFE LIVE THEIR OWN LIFE

Dreams and waking life live their own life.

Even this human self lives his own life.

It all is happening on its own.

HOW I RELATE TO THE WORLD IS HOW I RELATE TO THE WORLD

How I relate to the dreaming world is how I relate to the waking world.

How I relate to the world is how I relate to the world.

How I relate to anything reflects my patterns, habits, and assumptions.

CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF THE NATURE OF IT ALL OR NOT

Whether in dreams or waking life, I can consciously notice the nature of it all or not.

Within a dream, I can consciously notice it’s nature as consciousness. (I have done this, even as a child, but haven’t pursued this. It’s too tempting to change the content of the dream, and I don’t want to interfere with the dream-making process.)

In waking life, we can notice the dreamlike nature of it all. It’s all happening within the consciousness I am. It’s all the capacity I am taking all these forms. This is something I am actively noticing and exploring.

THE WAY I EXPLORE DREAMS IS HOW I EXPLORE WAKING LIFE

I tend to explore dreams and waking life in similar or the same ways.

I see them as mirrors for me. I find and get to know what in me I see in the dreams or waking life.

I identify stressful stories, question them, and find what’s more true for me.

I do tonglen or ho’oponopono with dream figures or people/beings/collectives in waking life.

I notice it all, to me, happens within and as the consciousness I am. (These days, I tend to rest with viscerally noticing it all as forms of Amma.)

I notice anyone and anything my psyche tend to see as “other” as the consciousness I am, and as expressions of the divine, and rest in and as that noticing.

I notice contractions in me and notice that these, in my experience, are made of the consciousness I am.

In my experience: Heaven is here and sometimes includes hell

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If your leaders say to you, “Look, the kingdom is in the sky,” then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, “It is in the sea,” then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you.

– The Gospel of Thomas, saying 3

His disciples said to him, ‘When will the kingdom come?’ Jesus said, “It will not come by watching for it.
It will not be said, ‘Look, here!’ or ‘Look, there!’ Rather, the Father’s kingdom is spread out upon the earth, and people don’t see it.”

– The Gospel of Thomas, saying 113

Where is heaven? Is it above us, in the sky? In the afterlife, as a kind of reward? Only found in imagination?

Although I rarely use the heaven label, I am familiar with something the label fits on.

FLASHBACKS TO BEFORE THIS LIFE

As a child, before school age, I had flashbacks to the time before this incarnation – all is consciousness, a golden light, love, and infinite sense of being home, wisdom, and so on. I am consciousness and all of existence is consciousness, and it’s all a profound love and intelligence.

It was just a reminder. I didn’t think about it, I didn’t talk about it, I didn’t put any labels on it, it certainly had nothing to do with Christianity as I was taught it on Fridays in elementary school (which made me an atheist.) But later in childhood, I would wake up some mornings with a profound longing for something, which nothing – bread with jam, Donald Duck magazines, friends – could satisfy.

ONENESS SHIFT

Later, when I was sixteen, and out of the blue, there was a sudden oneness shift that turned everything inside-out and upside-down. Everything without exception was revealed as the divine. This human self was a temporary and local expression of the divine, just like everything else. Everything was the divine expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways. Even the sense of fundamentally being this human self (which had softened and released the previous year in a way very challenging to this human self), was revealed as one of the infinite ways the divine is experiencing itself.

In other words, as I would say it now, my nature is fundamentally consciousness, and the world as it appears to me happens within and as the consciousness I am. The awakeness that’s here is not special, I imagine it’s the awakeness inherent in any “conscious being”, any consciousness over there. Our nature is nothing special, I assume that too is inevitably inherent in any “conscious being”. It’s what’s most familiar to all of us. It’s all we have ever known.

ONENESS AND FLASHBACKS

When my nature noticed itself in that shift, it was both profoundly familiar (since it’s what I am and all I have ever known) and profoundly surprising, shocking, and astounding (to the habitual mental patterns of this human self).

When my nature noticed itself, it was also clear that this is what the flashbacks were about. They were about all as the divine, consciousness, and so on. This is about all as the divine, consciousness, and so on.

Here, I also realized what the longing had been about. It was about this.

Of course, there is a difference as well. The flashbacks were to a disembodied time, when this human self was not around. The oneness shift happened with this human self around, at least most of the time apart from in some dreams and during dreamless sleep where the whole world falls away.

THIS HEAVEN INCLUDES THIS WORLD

That also means that this form of heaven includes the whole world. It includes this human self, with all his patterns. It includes the wider world, and all of existence, as it’s experienced by this human self.

This heaven is not a state of bliss. It’s not the end of challenges for this human self in the world. It’s not a state, apart from a state of noticing. It’s what already allows any and all content of experience to come and go.

This heaven sometimes even includes hell. It includes the wounds, traumas, and confusion of this human self.

This heaven sometimes forgets itself, when it gets caught up in the turmoil of this human self, and it often noticed itself.

HOME AND CAPACITY

It’s home beyond what the word usually points to.

It gets familiar to this human self over time, although it’s also profoundly in awe of it.

This heaven is capacity for it all – consciousness and the world as it appears within and as this consciousness.

It’s capacity taking the form of consciousness and all the changing content of experience it forms itself into.

WHAT EXACTLY DOES HEAVEN POINT TO?

“Heaven” is a mental representation and a label, so what does it most usefully point to?

Our nature whether it notices itself or not, and sometimes lost in (painfully) identifying as something within itself?

Our nature noticing itself?

Our nature noticing itself over time, and our human self exploring how to live within that context?

That, and our human self also deeply transforming – healing, maturing – within the noticing?

Or maybe any or all of it?

I tend to like definitions that undermine fixed ideas, so I like that it can – at different times – point to any or all of these.

A floating world

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I keep noticing this world floating in infinity and as infinity.

This whole world as it appears to me. The sunlight dancing on the wall. The leaves moving in the wind. The sound of my wife getting ready for the day. The taste of the banana, cashews, and spice tea. The screen. The fingers moving. The sensations of this body. Any ideas of anything – the world, me, others.

The sounds, smells, sights, sensations, thoughts.

A FLOATING WORLD

It’s all a floating world. It’s floating in infinity.

It’s all made up of this awake space.

Awakeness takes all these fleeting forms.

And it’s all happening in infinity, in a kind of space without any inside or outside.

AWAKENESS FORMING ITSELF INTO MY WORLD

This awakeness takes the form of insides and outsides, time, past and future and present, any sense of a me or a doer or observer. It stretches as soon as further space is imagined. It’s always big enough for even the largest space imaginations. It always stretches to match even the longest time imaginations.

This awakeness takes the form of what a thought labels this human self, who comes and goes.

This awakeness takes the form of the experiences at night of this human self sleepy and lying in bed, and then it takes the form of this morning and the morning light. It takes the form of Oslo, London, Barichara, that seem to appear here at different times.

This awakeness is not a special awakeness. It appears inherent to what I am, and it’s what I imagine any “conscious being” is to themselves whether they consciously notice or not.

A GROUNDLESS GROUND

This awakeness is my nature, it’s a ground of being, it’s a ground of the world as it appears to me.

Capacity is even more of a groundless ground of it all.

My nature is capacity for it all – awakeness and all it forms itself into.

Everything is capacity taking all of these forms.

Capacity takes the form of awakeness forming itself into the world as it appears here.

NOT SPECIAL

None of this is special. It’s what we – all “conscious beings” – already are to ourselves.

Even the noticing of it is not very special.

It’s what we already are most familiar with, and it’s what’s most intimate to what we are. We are already intimately familiar with it, whether we consciously notice or not.

When we consciously notice, it can be both astounding (to our habitual mental patterns) and immensely familiar (to our nature, what we are) at the same time.

The noticing itself is not necessarily that difficult. Especially if our attention is guided by someone familiar with the terrain, and we use some structured noticing from the Big Mind process, Kiloby Inquires, Headless experiments, and similar approaches.

The actual work tends to be in (a) keeping noticing it, (b) exploring how to live from and as it in daily life, and (c) inviting and allowing our human self to transform and realign within and as this noticing.

Is consciousness an appendix to what I am? Or is this human self a kind of appendix to what I am?

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Is consciousness an appendix to what I am?

Or is this human self an appendix to what I really am?

IN WESTERN CULTURE

In our western culture, language reveals that we tend to see consciousness as a kind of appendix.

How do we tend to talk about it?

We may say: I am a conscious being. I have consciousness.

Fundamentally, I am a being. I am this human self. And I have consciousness as a kind of appendix, as I have limbs, a house, an identity, and so on.

THE SOURCE AND INHERENT PROBLEMS OF THIS VIEW

That’s a view of separation.

Consciousness is somehow, magically, separate from what I more fundamentally am.

Just like humans are separate from nature. Body is separate from mind. The divine is separate from this world. The cost of our way of life is separate from us (externalized to others, ecosystems, future generations). And so on.

And that’s all a feature of our kind of domination culture.

There are many logical problems here, and there has to be since it’s all based on fundamental assumptions at odds with reality.

WHEN I LOOK MORE CLOSELY

Of course, this human self is here. He is around most of the time – during waking hours, and sometimes although not always in dreams1.

And when I look, I find I am more fundamentally something else.

I find I am what this human self – and the wider world and all content of experience – happens within and as. He and every other content of experience comes and goes, and I am more fundamentally the awake space forming itself into all these shifting appearances.

Even more fundamentally, I find I am capacity for all of it – this awake space and all it forms itself into.

THIS HUMAN SELF IS A KIND OF APPENDIX

In a certain way, and if I take some liberties with language, I can say this this human self is a kind of appendix.

He is not what I more fundamentally am. He comes and goes within content of experience, as everything else. What I am forms itself into the experience of him and the wider world and everything else.

AN IMAGINED REALITY VS WHAT I NOTICE IN IMMEDIACY

This is the difference between an imagined world and what I notice in immediacy.

The imagined world is an imagination of fundamentally being this human self in the world, and this human self somehow and magically has consciousness. It’s a third person view of the world. In terms of a third-person reality, it may be accurate to some extent, but it’s far from my own immediate noticing.

In my immediate noticing, I am this awake space that all of this – the screen, the black marks on the screen, these hands, the sounds of the keyboard, the sounds of the washing machine and the wind, the sun, these sensations, these words – happen within and as.

Even more fundamentally, I am capacity for all of it.

THE VALUE OF BOTH

The imagined world has value. It’s how most consciousnesses (I assume others are consciousness to themselves, as I am) seem to perceive it. It helps this human self orient and navigate in the world.

And yet, I cannot say anything for certain about any of it. It’s all guesses. (Although some are more grounded and reasonable than others.)

What I can say something about is what I notice in immediacy. That’s my reality, whether I consciously notice it or not. And it does make a difference to notice it.

AM I IN THE WORLD, OR IS THE WORLD IN ME?

That’s one way to talk about it, and there is a simpler way to point to this:

Am I in the world?

Or is the world in me? Is this world – with this human self, others, the wider world, thoughts, sensations, sight, sound – in me?

NOTES

1 ) And not at all when there is just consciousness without much if any content, as can happen when there is awakeness during deep sleep. For whatever reason, although I am familiar with it, and it does clarify the essence of my nature, I am not hugely fascinated by it.

The logic of what I am (AKA consciousness & capacity)

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What’s my fundamental nature?

A FEW LAYERS

This is a question with a few different layers.

One is that I can only say something for certain about how it appears to me.

Another is that I can find it in my own direct experience. I can notice my nature. My nature can notice itself. It can become a lived and visceral noticing. My human self can transform within that noticing. And so on.

And there is also a logic to it. This article is mostly about that logic.

THE LOGIC OF WHAT I AM

I am a conscious being. At least, that’s how we tend to see it.

a) I am consciousness

Any conscious being must, to themselves, BE consciousness. Consciousness cannot be some kind of appendix. It has to be central to what I am.

If I am primarily an object, there would be no way for me to experience anything.

To myself, I have to be consciousness.

b) This human self is a kind of appendix

And if I AM consciousness, then this human self is a kind of appendix. It’s an object that comes and goes within the consciousness I am, just like anything else.

c) The world happens within and as what I am

The world, as it appears to me, happens within and as the consciousness I am. Again, there is no other way for it to happen.

d) Capacity

Even more fundamentally, I have to be capacity to all of it.

I have to be capacity for consciousness and everything it forms itself into, all the shifting appearances I call world, others, this human self, and so on.

e) It’s possible to notice

It’s very likely possible to notice this and live from and within this noticing.

At least, that’s how it looks from reports from many apparently sincere individuals throughout time and across cultures.

In my case, that’s also what happened to be revealed to me when this human self was sixteen, without any prior interest in or knowledge about this topic.

f) That noticing will transform this human self

Also, it seems logical that this noticing will invite in a deep transformation of this human self and its life in the world. It seems inevitable, if the noticing goes over time and is visceral. It’s also what we see from reports from many throughout time and across cultures.

EASIER TO FIND THAT LOGIC WHEN THE NOTICING IS HERE

It is, of course, easier to find this logic when the noticing comes first, when the logic happens within the context of my nature noticing itself.

And I am also very aware that this logic is not the most stringent.

It comes as a reflection of the noticing that’s here, and it’s not the kind of apparently foolproof logic you can find in mathematical equations.

In that sense, it’s almost a kind of poetic logic.

I am sure there is a way to make this logic more like a mathematical equation, and I can probably go in that direction myself if I put attention there, but it will likely never be a kind of mathematical equation that would appear universally convincing, and that’s how it should be. That’s how this world is set up.

No inner and outer

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Now and then throughout the day, I notice more intentionally what’s here and I often pay attention to certain aspects.

NO INSIDE AND OUTSIDE

While watching a movie in a movie theater this afternoon, I paid especially attention to the seamless field that contains what’s typically called the “outer” and “inner” world.

I notice this awake space that everything happens within and as. The awakeness is just the ordinary awakeness inherent in consciousness. The space is what everything happens within and as, including conventional space.

It’s all a seamless field.

What’s conventionally seen as the outer world (physical world) happens within and as this field. What’s conventionally seen as the inner world (thoughts, sensations, sight, smell, and anything privately accessible to this human self) happens within and as this field.

There is a metaphorical bird’s eye view on the whole field, and it includes what’s conventionally talked about as the outer and inner world. It’s all part of the same seamless whole.

OTHER THINGS TO NOTICE

Other days and at other times, I may pay extra attention to other aspects of what’s here.

Time and conventional space happens within and as it. Any images of a timeline, past, future, present, and so on happen within and as it. Any ideas of space happen within and as it.

This awake space takes the form of any and all content of experience, including anything related to this human self – a sense of doer, observer, sensations, thoughts, and so on.

Any and all content of experience comes and goes. It’s all a visitor. And the only way it’s taken as a changing content is the mental field comparing images of what was (just recently or longer ago) to what is (which is also what was, since the mental images are always a little behind).

I notice that I am capacity for all of it – awakeness, space, the awake space taking the form of all content of experience.

This human self happens on its own, just like everything else. He talks, moves, makes decisions, feels, thinks, and it’s all happening on its own. He lives his own life.

There is no real distance to anything. The experience of distance is created by a mental overlay.

When this human self moves in the world, the world moves through me. The world moves through the awake space that’s inherently still and everything happens within and as.

Scenes of the world appear and are replaced by other scenes. The kitchen is replaced by the living room. Inside is replaced by outside. Oslo is replaced by London.

Waking life and dreams all feel like dreams, they all happen within and as the consciousness I am to myself. To me, they are all made up of consciousness.

All these words are just pointers. They point to an immediate experience, and if you have reference for it from your own experience, it may well make sense. If you are not aware of having a reference for it in your own experience, it may all seem abstract, baffling, fascinating, a fantasy, or something else.

What’s here is infinitely simpler than what’s possible (for me) to point to with these words, and also infinitely and endlessly more rich.

When I use the word “I” in this context, it doesn’t refer to this human self. It refers to my nature as this awake space and capacity.

When I use the word “I” in daily life, it usually does refer to this human self. He is who others tend to take me as, and I have insider info about his inner world (in a conventional sense).

GUIDED BY THE MENTAL FIELD + WHAT I KNOW

This is all guided by the mental field. The mental field guides the noticing, and also how the noticing is expressed in words.

I also know that even if I notice my nature as consciousness, and that the world – as it appears to me – happens within and as the consciousness I am, that doesn’t mean that the nature of all of existence is the same as mine. It will inevitably appear that way to me, but I have to be honest. The only thing I can say something about is my own nature, not the nature of all of existence.

THE MORE JUICY THINGS

This is all relatively clean and simple

Then there are the more juicy questions… How does this human self live in the world in the context of this noticing? How does he live from it in this situation?

What are the hangups, wounds, unquestioned beliefs, and so on that colors his perception, and makes him live from separation consciousness in some situations?

How is it to explore this? To notice as it happens? To be honest about it, first to myself? To invite in healing for these wounds?

The layers of who and what I am

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I keep noticing the many layers of what I am in daily life. It’s always new, fresh, seamless, and lived.

And if I want to put it into words, I usually go to the distinction between who and what I am, and some distinctions within each of those.

WHAT I AM

As what I am, I am capacity for any and all of the always changing content of experience. This includes anything connected with this human self, any idea of a doer or observer, and so on.

I am this awake space that everything happens within and as – these hands, this screen, the music, the sun coming through the window, the fresh air, the sound of the birds, the marks appearing on the screen, the thoughts appearing, and so on. A thought may call this consciousness. I am consciousness and the consciousness I am takes the form of any and all content of experience.

I am all of this changing content of experience, this field of experience that’s ephemeral and always fresh and new. I don’t notice change directly, only by comparing mental representations of what just was to what is (and that too just was).

WHO I AM

This human self appears within the seamless field of experience. He lives his own life.

He is around quite often during waking hours. He is the one human being I have inside information about – what he sees, hears, senses, thinks, and so on.

He has innumerable sides and parts. He seems to be as rich as the wider world. Whatever I see in the wider world I can also find in him. Whatever story I have about someone or something, I can turn it to this human self and find genuine and specific examples of how it’s true.

He has wounds, traumas, hangups, and painful beliefs. These are all parts of him. These color his perception and life even when they are not triggered or activated.

Through working on these, I also notice that his healed and whole version is inherently and ordinarily kind and wise. Wounds, hangups, and traumas sometimes cover this up, especially when activated, and that’s part of the human experience too.

SEEING MYSELF IN OTHERS

I have explored this for a few decades now, often in some detail, and it’s always changing and it becomes visceral in always new and lived ways.

This colors how I see others.

When I see a “conscious being”, I know that they very likely are consciousness. To themselves, they are consciousness and the world, as it appears to them, happens within and as the consciousness they are.

I know they have innumerable parts and sides to them. What I see, what the world sees, and what they are aware of, are just some ideas about a tiny fraction of the richness that’s there.

If I see reactivity and trauma behavior, I know that’s on the surface. It comes from the system trying to protect itself, and I recognize it from myself. I have that in me too. Most – almost all? – trauma is intergenerational and collective. It’s passed on through generations and it’s passed on in society and through our culture and civilization.

I also know that who they “really” are, if they were healed and whole, is someone who is naturally and ordinarily kind and wise. Of course, that may just be there as a potential and it’s not something I can necessarily count on in daily life.

And, of course, my personality also operates from other conditioning – from this culture, the family I grew up in, and so on – so that too colors how I see myself and others.

I have never known human life

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I have never known human life.

That struck me this morning.

I was looking at how I am far more familiar and comfortable with finding myself as consciousness. It’s what I remembered from before this life. It’s what was revealed in the oneness shift when I was sixteen. It’s what I have noticed since.

To myself, I am consciousness, and the world – as it appears to me – happens within and as the consciousness I am.

Even more fundamentally, I am capacity for all of it – consciousness and all that it forms itself into.

That’s what I know. That’s all I have ever known, even when it wasn’t consciously noticed.

I have never really known human life or the world.

I only know how it appears to me, how the consciousness I am forms itself into experiences of it.

Of course, in another sense, I know human life and the world. I know this human self who seems to be around most of the time. (Apart from when I sometimes find myself as pure consciousness in dreamless sleep, and in some dreams when there is another body here.) I know the world as it’s experienced by this human self. I even know some about how it is to take myself as fundamentally this human self in the world, and object within the field of experience.

And yet, all I know, and all I have ever known, is my nature. All I know is myself as consciousness, sometimes taking all of these always-changing forms.

Flashbacks to before this life & a familiarity with all as consciousness

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As a kid, I had flashbacks to before this life.

THE FLASHBACKS

The flashbacks were to a time of all as consciousness, golden light, and a profound sense of being home.

I am consciousness and part of this infinite field of formless consciousness and infinite love and wisdom.

Within this field, there is a focal point which is “me”.

There is a sense of timelessness, although with a sense of time – and the physical world – as a whisper, almost infinitely far away.

The sense of being home is profound, far beyond what we usually associate with that word.

I remember having these flashbacks while being outside on the west side of the house with the sunlight filtering through the birch trees above me. Writing this, I am sitting inside the house just a few meters away from where it happened.

It’s difficult to put it into words.

A FAMILIARITY WITH ALL AS CONSCIOUSNESS

Looking back, I see that a familiarity with all as consciousness came with me into this life. When the oneness shift happened at age sixteen, that’s what was revealed again. All is consciousness. All is Spirit, the divine, God.

This human self and any content of experience, including any sense of being an I or observer or doer, happens within and as the divine. It’s all the play of Spirit.

All of existence – including the appearance of being a separate being – is the divine expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways.

HOW TO UNDERSTAND THE FLASHBACKS

These flashbacks can be understood as an actual memory and temporarily shifting back into it.

They can also be understood as a projection of what’s here now.

I suspect all of it may be true. It is a kind of memory. It was a shifting back into it. And it’s how it already is here and now, whether it’s consciously noticed or not.

A FEW MORE WORDS ABOUT THE FLASHBACKS

These flashbacks happened before school age. They happened, it was profoundly familiar, and I didn’t think about it or speak about it.

I did not connect it with anything related to religion or God since the way people talked about those things were very different. (I became a self-professed atheist in elementary school since I thought religion as presented to me was nonsense.)

Later in childhood, I would sometimes wake up with a profound longing in me. I tried everything I could think of to satisfy that longing, but nothing touched it. I didn’t connect the longing with these flashbacks until after the oneness shift.

OTHER SHIFTS BETWEEN

There were some other shifts between the flashbacks and the oneness shift.

What I remember are states of a profound sense of connection with the universe, with all of existence.

I watched Cosmos by Carl Sagan when I was about ten, walked out into the garden under a dark night sky filled with stars, and profoundly felt what he said: I am the universe bringing itself into consciousness. I am the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe.

A couple of years later, I slept under the sky in the mountains of Norway (Sølenskaret), under a wide open dark sky filled with stars and satellites moving from horizon to horizon. Here too, there was a shift into a profound sense of oneness with the universe and all of existence. I am an expression of this vast whole.

When I was fifteen, there was another shift. On the first of January, I was outside our house talking with friends, and I experienced the world becoming distant. The world, including anything connected with this human self, was far away. This was disturbing to my human self and I went to many specialists who could not find anything. This lasted almost a year, minus two or three (?) days, until the oneness shift happened. I later understood that this was a shift into identification with and as “the observer”, and the oneness shift was a shift out of that identification too.

SIMILARITY TO NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES

When I hear Near-Death Experiences (NDEs), there is often a sense of deep familiarity.

The essence is what I am familiar with from the flashbacks – a profound sense of being home, a profound sense of love and peace, of being disembodied, and so on.

I am also familiar with the effects many describe…

A sense of awe and wonder over life and existence.

A profound gratitude for life and existence.

A sense of compassion for all beings and life.

A shift in priorities. Money, success, and status don’t seem that important. (Although now, much later in life and with a chronic illness, life has put me in a situation where I need to take it more seriously.)

Reduced fear of death. (When I was close to dying from sepsis, there was just a curiosity about what’s on the other side. The fear was of having to live with lasting damage in this life.)

A fascination with the mystery of it all – life, death, existence. The profound mystery that all of existence is.

A profound appreciation of this human life in the world. I know it’s a blip within the infinity of the consciousness I am. It’s rare. It’s a precious opportunity to experience physical life.

A profound knowing that words and thoughts cannot even begin to touch reality and existence.

A shift in worldview – to all as consciousness and oneness. (For me, that also took the form of a fascination with approximations like systems views, integral models, and so on.)

Sustainability. I have a profound interest in sustainability and playing a small part in creating a more sustainable and life-centered civilization.

Not fitting in. I have often felt I don’t quite fit in, that my experiences and path are not very well understood by many, and that society is not set up for people like me. On the other hand, when I meet others with similar experiences, there is often an immediate and deep sense of recognition and familiarity.

Psychic abilities. As a kid, I was fascinated with ESP and similar. Within the “observer” shift when I was fifteen, I noticed I could see energies, sense at a distance, and invite in healing at a distance.

DIFFERENCES FROM NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES

There are also some differences from many near-death experiences.

For me, it was all one consciousness and golden light in infinity. There was a focal point but no forms. There is also a memory of communicating with beings within this one consciousness.

This is similar to what I notice now – even the forms happen within and as the one consciousness.

Typical NDEs are of seeing – and interacting with – beings, tunnels, places, and so on, and they don’t emphasize all as consciousness. This is more similar to embodied life as it is to many.

The consciousness I am seemed to have recognized itself before this life, possibly between lives, so maybe that’s why the flashbacks are like that.

If the consciousness we are is still identified as something within its field of experience – as primarily a being – then maybe the experience is more of places, beings, and so on.

The difference may also be from the difference between before-incarnation and near-death experiences. I actually haven’t sought out other before-incarnation experiences so I am not familiar with how others report it.

FIELD AND FOCAL POINT

I find the field and focal point interesting.

In the flashbacks, and here now, I find myself as consciousness that the world – as it appears to me –happens within and as. There is no beginning or end in space. It’s infinite.

In the flashbacks, and here now, there is also a kind of center. In the flashbacks, it was formless. Here and now, it takes the form of this human self. All the sense impressions come through him, and he is a center for himself in the world.

At the same time, that center – in the flashbacks and here and now – happens within and as consciousness. It’s not what I fundamentally am. It’s part of the ephemeral content of experience.

BEING VS CONSCIOUSLY NOTICING AND REFLECTING ON

In the flashbacks, I just am all of it. There is just being.

As a kid, when the flashbacks came, I was transported back into it and into being it for a little while. Here too, there was just a being of it without reflecting on it.

Now, there is a conscious noticing of my nature and my mental field reflects it and reflects on it.

ONE WITH VS ONENESS

I should mention that there is a difference between “one with” and “oneness”.

When the states happened at ten years old and in my early teens, I suspect there was still a sense of I there. There was a sense of being this human self at one with all of existence. That, in itself, is profound.

When the oneness shift happened, it was different. Even the sense of being any kind of I was revealed as an appearance and not what I fundamentally am. What I am is the oneness taking all these forms, consciousness taking these ephemeral forms, and capacity for it all.

Capacity for consciousness and all its content, and capacity taking the form of all of it.

STATES AND SHIFTS

I should also mention that there is a difference between states, which come and go, and my nature noticing itself through and as the always-changing states and experiences.

States come and go, and the noticing remains – or can remain – through it all.

At the same time, that noticing is a state too. It’s a state of noticing. That noticing, as a conscious noticing, can come and go. It can be more or less in the foreground. It can be more or less consciousness.

There is always that noticing here, although it’s not always noticed. It’s not always conscious. It’s not always reflected in mental representations.

DIFFERENTIATION

When the oneness shift happened, my mental field understood it as all – without exception – as Spirit, the divine, and God.

These days, I like to differentiate it a little.

To myself, I am consciousness and the world, as it appears to me, happens within and as the consciousness I am.

Any content of experience – this human self, thoughts, emotions, states, others, the wider world, a sense of me, a sense of I, a sense of an observer or doer, and so on – all happens within and as the consciousness I am. It’s all ephemeral and comes and goes, as all content of experience does.

To me, all appears as consciousness. It’s by necessity since I am consciousness and the world, as it appears to me, happens within and as the consciousness I am.

That doesn’t mean that existence itself IS consciousness. I can say something about my own nature, but I cannot say something for certain about the nature of existence itself.

Of course, many things suggest that all of existence is consciousness, that it’s all the divine, Spirit, God, and so on: undeniable and frequent synchronicities, sensing and healing at a distance, precognition, near-death experiences, memories of life before this incarnation, and so on.

I have and am experiencing a lot of those things, and many others report about it as well, so if I were to put my money on something, it would be on all of existence as consciousness and Spirit. At the same time, I want to be honest and differentiate what I can say something about (my nature as it appears to me) and what I cannot say anything for certain about (the nature of all of existence).

A NOTE

The flashbacks were to the state described above – all is golden light, consciousness, and a profound sense of being home, and also a sense of all, the larger field, as infinite love and wisdom.

It’s a sense of being Spirit and the divine, as a focal point within an infinite field of Spirit and the divine.

Later, after and within the oneness shift, I went back into this and had some other memories. I didn’t include these above since I don’t remember it as part of the flashbacks early in life.

These are memories of other entities – wise and loving – that showed me this life I am living now. They showed me the full life and asked if it was OK with me. I said “yes” even if I didn’t want to leave and I didn’t really want to live that life, although I also did since I knew it needed to happen.

I remember seeing the whole life, that there was a clear shift about mid-life in how my life would be, and that the beings showed me that this life was important in the evolution of Earth and humanity. It wasn’t important in the sense that it was special, but it was important in that this life – along with the lives of millions or billions of others – had a role in this particular phase in the evolution of Earth and humanity.

The mid-life shift had to do with a quite different life, and of giving back to life. The first half was more about receiving, the second more about giving.

I also saw a lot of the struggles I have experienced in this life, which did not seem so attractive. I would rather not have lived it, but also knew it needed to happen and be lived.

I wonder now if the mid-life shift is moving to South America and my life there. It is certainly very different, and I am giving back to life in that I am taking care of the land and helping it regenerate, reforest, and so on.

The beings that showed me this were kind of guides. Similar to me, they were formless although had a kind of focal point within the ocean of Spirit or consciousness. We communicated wordlessly, at least without spoken words.

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Western ideas about consciousness vs direct noticing of ourselves as consciousness

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I have noticed some weird ideas about consciousness in the Western culture.

WESTERN IDEAS ABOUT CONSCIOUSNESS

Some seem to not differentiate between consciousness in itself and what it forms itself into. They use the word when they refer to things happening within consciousness, within the field of experience, for instance, self-reflection.

Some seem to see it as a kind of appendix. They say, “We have consciousness”. They seem to assume we fundamentally are something else, likely an object within our field of experience like this body and psyche, and consciousness is somehow attached to that as an appendix or afterthought.

DIRECT NOTICING

To me, in my noticing, it looks different.

I find that I fundamentally am consciousness. I am this awake space that the world, to me, happens within and as. The consciousness I am forms itself into the experience of everything that’s here – the screen, the hands and fingers, the sound of the crickets, the slight breeze, the mental representations reflected in these marks on the screen, any sense of a center and periphery, and so on.

It’s all awake space taking these always-changing forms. The reflections on it, and the mental representations, are some of the forms it takes.

The consciousness I am has some characteristics… It seems without end in space. It doesn’t seem to begin anywhere in time since any idea of time happens within and as it. It’s awake. It’s seamless. The world, to me, seems seamless since it happens within the seamlessness I am. And so on.

Even more fundamentally, I find I am capacity for all of it, for consciousness and what it forms itself into.

It’s possible, and maybe important, to differentiate here. To myself, I am awake emptiness that forms itself into this whole field of experience, it forms itself into all content of experience including any form of self-reflection.

So to myself, I find myself as what a thought may call consciousness. Anything else, all content of experience, comes and goes, it’s fleeting. Any experience of this human self, along with any ideas of a doer or observer, belong to content of experience. It all comes and goes. It’s not what I more fundamentally am.

If anything, it’s this human self with its identities, roles, hangups, and so on, that’s a kind of appendix, although not really.

This is all in direct noticing, reflected in mental representations.

IN LOGIC

I can find the same in logic.

If we “have” consciousness, then to ourselves, in our own experience, we have to BE consciousness.

If we are consciousness, then the world, as it appears to us, has to happen within and as the consciousness we are.

And if that’s the case, then any ideas of who or what we are happens within and as the consciousness we are. It all comes and goes within and as what we are.

Said another way, any ideas of what we are, and anything those ideas refer to, come and go within the field of experience. They are ephemeral. They are not always here, but what I am is always here. So what am I more fundamentally?

I have to say I am baffled that this is not universally recognized among psychologists and philosophers. It seems simple and straightforward. (Of course, it seems that way to me since I noticed it directly long before I had any interest in this or had thought about it. These mental representations came after the noticing.)

My nature is difficult to talk about only if the recipient doesn’t have a reference for it

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I find it difficult to talk about my nature and awakening.

It’s not difficult to talk about because it’s something very special or mystical or anything else. It’s difficult to talk about because words only work when they point to something the recipient is already familiar with.

Words are pointers, and for the recipient to understand what they point to, they need some reference from their own noticing or experience.

If I talk about the taste of soursop (guanabana), it won’t make sense to someone who hasn’t tasted it. I can say it has the consistency of snot and tastes like bubble gum, and that will make a little more sense if the recipient understands and is familiar with those references.

That’s why it can be easy and fun to talk about our nature – its aspects, expressions, how it is to notice, how it is to live from this noticing, etc. – with other consciousnesses that notice themselves. We are swimming in the same water, we know the same terrain, and we may notice slightly different things.

It’s why it’s somewhat futile to talk about it to a consciousness that hasn’t yet noticed itself as that. The words don’t make so much sense and a lot of imagination can come in to try to make sense of it, or it’s set aside as delusional or for special people.

And it’s why it, for me, makes much more sense to invite people to notice for themselves. It’s not that difficult. Most can do it within a few minutes with some structured guidance from someone familiar with the terrain. I especially like the Headless experiments and the Big Mind process, and the Kiloby Inquiries can also do it relatively quickly.

Of course, a consciousness can notice its nature. It may notice itself as awake space, as capacity for the world, as what a thought may call consciousness, and that the world as it appears to itself happens within and as itself and has the same nature. And it may not be terrible interested in it. Some will let it pass as a curiosity of not much importance, and some will be fascinated and hooked.

My nature noticing itself, and finding views that match

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In my teens and for a couple of decades, I was passionate about systems views, holarchies, integral models, Taoism, Buddhism, Christian mysticism, and so on.

Why? Because these views matched my experience. They fit what was revealed in the oneness shift when I was sixteen.

ONENESS SHIFT

The consciousness I am woke up to itself. It happened on a winter day when this human self was walking along the gravel road to our house, looking up at the starry sky and with a big wind going through it all.

To myself, I am consciousness, and the world as it appears to me happens within and as the consciousness I am. This consciousness, and the experience of the world, is what mystics across cultures and through time have described, often cloathed in the language of their culture, time, and tradition.

The consciousness I am is one, it’s a seamless whole. The experience of time and space happens within it, any ideas of boundaries happen within it. And so on.

WORLDVIEWS

So it makes sense that I explored worldviews and approaches that, as much as possible, match this oneness I find myself as.

First, it was systems views through Fritjof Capra’s The Turning Point, and I also loved Taoism. Later, I explored Buddhism since that’s what I could find, and I also explored the Christian mystics and mystics from anywhere and any time.

I find that my worldviews mirror me, and really ANY worldview is a mirror for me. I can find what it points to here. It seems that any story from within any worldview is something I can turn around to apply to myself and find examples of how it’s true.

In my case, the worldviews I resonate with clearly mirror me. They mirror the oneness I find myself as, although they are all quite imperfect as well. They are the beginnings of worldviews that far better can reflect oneness and the immense simplicity and complexity of oneness.

WE ARE INEVITABLY CONSCIOUSNESS

When the shift first happened, my human self interpreted it in terms of God. All of existence without exception was revealed as consciousness, Spirit, God, and so on. The nature of all is consciousness and God. God seems to want to explore itself in as many different ways as possible, and one of those ways is by temporarily and locally taking the form of this human self, and even – for a while – taking itself to fundamentally be this human self.

These days, I like to explore (what I think of as) the small view on awakening which essentially says the same but frames it slightly differently.

Here are some points:

(I) No matter what, to ourselves we inevitably are consciousness. No matter what we fundamentally are from some outside third-person worldview, we have to be consciousness to ourselves. Consciousness is not some kind of appendix or add-on in our own first-person experience.

(II) We can find ourselves as consciousness. We can most easily find it through pointers and guided looking, for instance through the Big Mind process or the Headless experiments.

(III) The world, as it appears to us, happens within and as the consciousness we are. That too is inevitable. The world, to us, is consciousness, whether we notice or not.

(IV) I can’t say anything for certain about the nature of all of existence. I can say something about my own nature, as it appears to me, but I don’t know if the nature of all of existence is the same as my nature. It has to appear that way since it, to me, happens within and as the consciousness I am. but I don’t know for certain. This opens for compatibility with a range of worldviews from materialism to seeing the whole of existence as consciousness, Spirit, and God.

(V) The big view of awakening is certainly also possible. The nature of all of existence may well be the same as my nature, it may all be consciousness taking what we experience as material forms.

(VI) The small and big views on awakening are complementary. They are compatible, fill each other in, and I like to find fluidity between the views. The small is honest, sober, and compatible with a range of worldviews including materialism. The big is inspiring, fits the language of spirituality and mystics, and is – if I am honest – more likely to be accurate in the big picture.

The oneness I am to myself colors how I perceive the world

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In my teens and early twenty, I was deeply into ideas of the evolution of the universe, how we are a temporary and local expression of the seamless whole of existence, how we can consciously participate in the creativity and evolution of the universe, and so on.

This all came from the oneness shift that happened when I was sixteen, combined with my interest in science, evolution, systems views, integral models, the Universe Story, and so on.

In my thirties, my focused shifted away from this. I focused more exclusively on my own first-person experience and left the storytelling aside for a while.

Ideas about the nature of existence, the evolution of the universe and this planet, systems views, integral models, and so on is all storytelling. We need stories to function in the world, and these are helpful and inspiring stories, but it was time for me to set it aside.

These days, perhaps inspired by the food forest, I seem to be getting back into it, and this time, it seems more important to differentiate perception and stories.

MY OWN FIRST-PERSON EXPERIENCE

In my own first-person experience, I am what the world – to me – appears within and as. I am consciousness and the consciousness I am forms itself into any and all content of experience. That means that all I have ever known is my own nature. All I have ever known is consciousness.

Even more fundamentally, I seem to be capacity for it all. I am capacity for consciousness and all it forms itself into.

WHAT I CAN KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT

I can know something about my own nature. It has all the characteristics of consciousness. It’s one. It’s seamless. It’s ephemeral. Whatever experience it forms itself into seems like a dream since it’s made up of the consciousness I am.

There is even a kind of love here. It’s a love independent of changing emotions and states. It’s the love of the left hand removing a splinter from the right. It’s a love that can be temporarily covered up by confused dynamics from wounds, hangups, and traumas.

WHAT I CANNOT KNOW FOR CERTAIN

That’s something I notice in immediacy, and I can imperfectly reflect it in words. (Words always imperfectly reflect whatever we try to put words on.)

I can not know anything for certain about the world or existence itself.

To me, since I am consciousness that forms itself into any and all experiences, the world will inevitably appear as consciousness. That’s how it has to appear, it’s inevitable.

That doesn’t mean that the nature of existence itself is the same as mine, that it is consciousness.

IDEAS ABOUT THE EVOLUTION OF EXISTENCE

In the initial oneness shift, all was revealed as consciousness. All of existence is consciousness AKA God, Spirit, the divine, Brahman, and so on.

Combine this with my existing interest in science and evolution, and it’s easy to imagine that the universe is the body of God, that it is consciousness taking material form, and that it evolves.

We humans are temporary and local expressions of the evolution of the seamless whole of existence and this universe. We participate in this evolution whether we notice or not.

We have the potential to consciously participate in this creativity and evolution. That’s an exciting idea, and it’s exciting and inspiring to me even now.

It’s an idea that fits science and it makes sense. It fits our times and culture, especially if we have a mystical bent.

BEING HONEST ABOUT IT

And yet, I don’t know.

What I know is what I notice about my own nature – that I am awake space that forms itself into the world as it appears to me, including this human self and anything related to him.

I also know that the world inevitably will appear as consciousness to me, since the consciousness I am to myself forms itself into my experiences of the world.

I know it makes sense to me to call the whole of existence God, whatever its nature may be.

I also know that any stories about the nature of existence, evolution, and so on, are ideas.

They are guesses about the world.

It’s worth holding it all lightly.

BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER

For me, it means a few different things…

I’ll keep exploring my own nature since that’s something I notice in immediacy, outside of and before it’s reflected in thought. That’s what I can say something about.

I’ll keep noticing that my world appears as consciousness since it – to me – happens within and as the consciousness I am.

I may keep exploring ideas about the existence as a whole, the universe, evolution, humans having the potential to consciously participate in the evolution of the universe and existence, and so on. It’s fun, interesting, fascinating, inspiring, and possibly helpful for humanity.

I’ll also hold those ideas lightly. I know they are guesses. I know I cannot know any of it for certain.

A FEW MORE WORDS

I realize I should clarify something…

FINDING IDEAS THAT MATCH IMMEDIATE NOTICING

In my teens and twenties, I got into systems views, integral models, the Universe Story, the Gaia theory, Buddhism, Taoism, quantum physics, and more because it fit my immediate experience. It fit with the oneness I found myself and the world as in my own immediate noticing.

These were the ideas out there that best fit my immediate noticing, so I was naturally drawn to them. If there were other ideas out there that fit as well or better, I would likely be into them as well.

The fit is admittedly clunky. These ideas are ideas and different in nature to what they point to. They reflect a very young humanity trying to make sense of things.

They are the first baby steps in trying to make sense of the world in a way that matches an immediate oneness experience (or, in some cases, an intuition).

In many cases, they come from and reflect a mind that may not consciously recognize itself as consciousness so there is some lack of alignment from that too.

THE WORLD IS MY MIRROR

I should also mention that the world is my mirror.

Whatever ideas I have about the world reflect something that’s here now.

Whatever maps and worldviews I use reflect me here and now.

If I see the universe as a seamless system, it’s because my experience here and now is seamless. It’s a seamless whole.

If I have ideas about evolution, it’s because I can find evolution here. I can find how this consciousness I am evolves in terms of its content and how it reflects and relates to it all.

If I perceive existence as consciousness, it’s because I am consciousness. All I know and all I have ever known is consciousness.

Is awakening binary or gradual? Seeing energies & why I tend to focus on the degree

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Is awakening binary or a degree?

In my experience, both are true in their own way.

It can come gradually or suddenly, and the deepening into it is gradual.

WHAT IS AWAKENING?

What is awakening?

In short, it’s what I am noticing itself.

To myself, I am consciousness, and it’s the consciousness I am noticing itself.

I find this in immediate noticing. I am fundamentally this awake space within which all experiences appear, including what a thought calls this human self, the wider world, and so on.

Intellectually, I find the same. To myself, in immediate experience, I cannot be a human being with consciousness as a kind of appendage. To myself, I have to be this consciousness within which this human being and the wider world appears, and also any sense of an observer or doer or anything any thought can point to.

WHO AND WHAT I AM

It’s not wrong that I am this human self in the world. It’s an assumption that works reasonably well. As who I am, I am this human self in the world with a name, biography, passport, and so on.

If I viscerally take myself to fundamentally be this object in the world, it inevitably comes with some inherent discomfort, distress, and a sense that something is off somewhere.

In my own first-person experience, I find I more fundamentally am something else. I find I am what the world, as it appears to me, happens within and as. I am the consciousness that forms itself into any and all experiences.

This profoundly changes the context of my everything. I am no longer fundamentally an object at the mercy of an unpredictable world. I am what it all, to me, happens within and as. There is a (groundless) ground for it all.

THE PROCESS

That noticing is, in a sense, binary. The consciousness we are either notices itself as the appearance of the whole world or not.

Awakening is also a process.

It’s a process of…

The consciousness I am noticing itself here and now, and noticing itself in daily life and through different states and the always-changing content of experience. This is a new habit.

Exploring how it is for this human self to live within and from this new context. How it is to live from and as this in different situations and areas of life.

Inviting our human self to heal and reorganize within this new context.

Exploring the different facets and aspects of my nature – what a thought may call capacity for the world, consciousness, oneness, love, and so on. From my own experience, I can also include the fertile darkness, divine feminine, Christ energies, and more. There seems to be no end of these facets of what I am that can come to the foreground of experience and be noticed and explored.

MY EXPERIENCE WITH SEEING ENERGIES

There is another reason why I tend to focus on the degree aspect of awakening, and that has to do with my own experiences starting in my teens.

In the summer of 1986, when I was sixteen, I was sitting outside in the garden under beautiful birch trees reading a book. This was the year when the world – including everything connected with this human self – seemed very far away. (I have written about this before. I thought something was profoundly wrong, medical experts couldn’t find anything, and I later understood this was an apparent observer-observer split.)

I remember seeing the leaves against the blue sky, and seeing light around the leaves. I initially dismissed it as some kind of optical illusion. In the following days, this light became stronger and stronger, and in a few days, I saw the light around everything and everyone.

I saw it around inanimate objects, plants, non-human beings, and humans, although the structure was (is) different around each type of object. It’s simple around inanimate objects. Brighter and more alive around plants. More complex and goes further out in non-human beings. And even more complex and goes even further out around humans. (In reality, it seems to go infinitely far out around everything and everything, but the more obvious part of this is closer to the object or body.)

For whatever reason, what I see most clearly is the degree of awakening in someone’s system.

How awake is the consciousness to itself? How far out from the body does this awakeness go? How subtle/high frequency (for lack of a better word!) is it?

I was alone with this, and the awakening process in general, until a few years later.

When I was 19 and in my weekly tai chi class, a young woman talked with me during the tea break after class. We walked to the train station together, and she said she had taken contact with me because she had seen my energy field in class while standing behind me. She could see the awakening process I was in and that I too can see energies.

We became close friends. Once, I remember sitting at a train station with her looking at the energy system of different people and comparing notes. We always saw the same, although certain things were more highlighted for each of us.

A couple of years later, something similar happened with the then-wife of Jes Bertelsen.

WHAT DO I SEE?

What are some of the things I see in the energy field?

Different practices have different effects on the energy/consciousness field. People do body-centered practices like tai chi, qigong, yoga, Breema, and to some extent dance, the energy field close to the body is brighter than average. People who do basic meditation (notice and allow) often have a field that’s conscious of itself relatively far out. (Although it depends on how clear their practice it and often for how long they have done it.) Some practices bring in a lot of light into the system, especially devotional and heart-centered practices. Some practices create a very soft and almost watery energy/consciousness field. (Some of the higher levels of the Vortex Healing training do this.)

Some have a relatively awake field although they have no interest or experience with (organized) spiritual practice, and they don’t seem to have a conscious noticing of their nature, at least not something they would put into words (or be interested in putting into words). The awakeness just there and lived. That’s very beautiful to me.

Immediately after a noticeable awakening shift, there is often a lot of light and energy in the system. This fades and softens over time and it seems to be a kind of side-effect of the awakening shift. This can last for months or even years. (For me, it lasted many years and faded slowly.)

When there is a reasonable amount of awakening in the system, the field (consciousness) is awake to itself infinitely far out.

The most awake systems I have seen – Adyashanti, some Tibetan teachers, and a few others – have a field that is far more subtle and high frequency. It’s almost like water. It seems to live very close to void or emptiness.

No matter how messed up a system is at a human level – no matter how much trauma, reactivity, pain, and so on – there is always light. The energy field is made of light. They are essentially, at an energetic level, light. That’s beautiful to me.

And a couple of more specific instances…

When I was a member of the Center for Sacred Sciences in Eugene, Oregon, one of the veterans had some kind of awakening shift. He was presented as awake and a new teacher. In his field, I saw that the awakeness was wobbly and not as clear as it was presented. Within a few weeks, there was another announcement saying that the awakening wasn’t as stable as they had thought.

When I was nineteen and in my early twenties, I did a lot of Heart/Jesus Prayer (which continued 24/7) and also Christ meditation. I could feel a kind of heat on top of my head, and I was very surprised when I saw myself in the mirror and noticed a kind of flame on top of my head. It was very similar to some of the depictions of the Holy Spirit descending on the disciples. I suspect this happens to anyone doing these practices with some dedication, receptivity, and over some time.

Note: Lightly edited for clarity August 2026.

Your name AKA Buddha

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A good friend of mine from Kanzeon came to mind this morning: Bruce W., who died more than twenty years ago.

I remember that during a wilderness retreat in Canyonlands, Southern Utah, he had a small blackboard with announcements of who was in charge of what duties (I think). After each name, he had written “AKA Buddha”.

In typical Bruce fashion, it was both funny and true.

To ourselves, we are inevitably consciousness, and to us, the world appears within and as the consciousness we are.

I assume it’s like that for all consciousnesses, for all creatures that “have consciousness” as we in our culture like to say it.

That means we are all Buddha. We all have Buddha nature. We are all consciousness. We all have the characteristics of consciousness. We all are those characteristics.

To us, we are oneness and the world, to us, happens within and as the oneness we are. Here, there is inevitably love, a pragmatic love that’s independent of fleeting feelings and states. The world, to us, appears dreamlike since waking life and dreams all happen within and as the consciousness we are.

We are the whole field of experience – this human self and the wider world – equally, and not one thing more or less than anything else. We are not fundamentally any content of experience.

Even more essentially, we are capacity for all of it, for consciousness and all the forms it takes, our whole field of experience.

The image is made by me and Midjourney

My nature is the characteristics of consciousness

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My nature has – or is – the characteristics of consciousness.

In the realm of stories and time, this is quite familiar to me. It’s a familiar terrain.

At the same time, it’s endlessly fascinating and only in this endless moment.

WHO AND WHAT I AM

At one level, and in a conventional sense, I am this human self in the world with identities, roles, and so on. That’s how most others see me, it’s what my passport tells me, and it’s a perspective that’s essential for me to have if I am to function in the world.

To myself, in my own first-person experience, I find something else. I find I more fundamentally am what it all – this human self, the wider world, and all states and experiences – happens within and as.

I am what a thought may call consciousness, and the world to me happens within and as the consciousness I am.

Even more fundamentally, I find I am capacity for consciousness and all the phenomena and appearances the consciousness I am forms itself into.

SOME CHARACTERISTICS OF MY NATURE

My nature has several characteristics.

It’s all I have ever known. All I have known is my nature forming itself into any and all content of experience.

This content of experience includes any sense of a me, I, doer, observer, and so on, and any tendency to take myself as fundamentally that. It all happens within and as what I am.

My nature is timeless and spaceless and forms itself any experience related to time and space.

My nature has no boundary in space, and no beginning in time, and forms itself into any experience of boundaries, beginnings, and ends.

My nature is one, it’s a oneness that all content of experience and all apparently boundaries and separations happen within and as.

My nature has an inherent awakeness, which I assume is the awakeness in all consciousnesses. It’s not special in that sense. Whether my nature notices itself or is caught up in stories, the awakeness is here and the same.

When the consciousness I am notices itself, and itself as all there is to itself, there is a quiet joy in the background.

BRINGING IN MENTAL OVERLAYS AND MY HUMAN SELF

The sense of boundaries, separation, time, a self, a me, an I, an observer, a doer and so on all comes from the mental field creating maps, images, and stories to help this human self function and orient in the world. These are very helpful. They are questions about the world. They cannot hold any final, full, or absolute truth.

When this human self operates within my nature recognizing itself, there is a love for all. It’s the love of the left hand removing a splinter from the right, and it’s independent of feelings or states. It’s also a love that can easily be clouded over by the hangups, biases, and habits of this human self.

Some parts of the psyche of this human self still operate from separation consciousness. They were formed within a global sense of separation and still operate from within that worldview. These too have the same nature. They are consciousness and awakeness forming itself into these. There seems to be a natural shift over time from being caught up in the painful stories within these parts of the psyche to more easily recognizing them as happening within and as my nature.

A FEW MORE THINGS

There are a few more characteristics of my nature recognizing itself:

When this human self moves through the world, the world moves through me, it moves through this awake space it all happens within and as.

There is no real distance to anything, apart from in a conventional sense. It’s all happening within and as what I am, and this human self can still operate with distance and function within space.

There is no real time, apart from in a conventional sense. Time happens within the timeless nature I am, and this human self still operates with and within time.

Where the physical body of this human self is, I find awake space with a few sensations, sights, and mental images.

There is an island of phenomena – this human self and his surroundings – happening within his awake space with no boundary.

DOES IT SOLVE OR RESOLVE ANYTHING?

Does it solve or resolve anything when my nature notices itself?

It’s mixed.

There is a profound sense of recognition, coming home, stillness, and rest, so – in a sense – it “solves” some things there.

It does not magically fix anything in a practical daily life sense. For this human self, there is still daily life with things to do.

It gives a completely different context for it all, which does solve something.

It invites my human self to transform within this new noticing, which is profoundly challenging and welcomed.

It does seem to help my human self relate to itself and the many different parts of the psyche with a little more kindness.

It’s what I am taking the shifting forms of all of it – any content of experience, my nature recognizing itself, my nature not recognizing itself and being caught up in stories, being on a path of noticing my nature and inviting this human self to transform itself within it and live from and as it, and so on.

NOTES

I could say “my nature HAS the characteristics of consciousness” which would be accurate enough and more aligned with how most would talk about it. I prefer to say that it IS the characteristics of consciousness since it’s more accurate. What I am is not separate from these characteristics, it IS these characteristics and everything else too.

Also, as usual when I write “I” it variously refers to who or what I am, my human self or my more fundamental nature. It’s fluid in life so it’s a bit fluid in this writing too.

The image is created by me and Midjourney, and it’s only for decorative reasons.

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Everyone is a whole world

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Each being is a world. When someone is born, a new world is here. When someone dies, a world is gone.

If we are a conscious being, then to ourselves, we are that consciousness. The world, to us, is created within and as the consciousness we are. It’s a unique world. That world doesn’t exist anywhere else. It doesn’t exist before or after. The world, as it’s experienced by any one consciousness, is one of a kind.

That goes for every single being. An ant is as much consciousness to itself as anyone else. It is as much a world as anyone else.

What’s different is the body it operates through and as and the world it creates for itself. Each of us perceives the world differently. We have a particular body and sensory organs, we are in a unique place in the world, we have our world we bring with us from the past. The world we create for ourselves is different.

Our fundamental nature to ourselves is the same. (Very likely, judging from reports and what makes sense.) The body and content of the world is unique.

What a beautiful combination.

Note: This is from one of the “brief notes” posts and I decided to make it a separate article. The image is created by me and Midjourney.

Dream: Golden light and bliss

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Golden light and bliss.

I briefly half-way woke up during the night within a dream of golden light and bliss. There is only consciousness forming itself into golden light and bliss, nothing else.

This is similar to the flashbacks to the time before this incarnation that would come in childhood, especially when I was out on the west side of the house and the sunlight was filtering down through the leaves of the large birch trees there.

It’s so simple and visceral that it’s difficult to put it into words.

Why this dream now? Maybe as a reminder of what I more essentially am. I am noticing it in daily life, although I could intentionally notice it more as primary.

In the dream, the bliss aspect was turned way up and that’s something that comes and goes. What seems more inherent in consciousness is a very quiet joy.

When matter appears conscious

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All matter is conscious. All matter has life.

– Hilma af Klint in the movie Hilma (2022)

Yes, it can appear that way. We can sense it. Intuit it. Feel it. Even see it.

Why? It’s not so mysterious.

WHO AND WHAT WE ARE

It’s true that we, in a sense, are this human self in the world.

To ourselves, we are more fundamentally something else. When I look, I find am what the world –this human self, the wider world, and matter – to me happens within and as.

A thought may call it consciousness. I am consciousness, and, to me, the world happens within and as the consciousness I am.

THE WORLD WILL INEVITABLY APPEAR AS CONSCIOUSNESS

To me, the world is made up of consciousness. So it will inevitably appear as consciousness.

If the mind is strongly identified with ideas of being something in particular within the field of consciousness – this human self, a doer, an observer, and so on – then it may appear as if the world is fundamentally matter. I take myself as matter or an object, and the world appears as matter and full of objects.

When I notice my nature – as the awake space that takes the form of this whole field of experience – then the world is recognized as appearing that way too. The world appears as consciousness. It appears dreamlike because it’s made of what dreams are made of, which is the consciousness I am.

In between the two – in between taking myself and the world as matter and recognizing it all as consciousness – a lot can happen. There can be a sense of matter as conscious. That a tree or other object is looking back at me. And so on.

I suspect that’s where the Hilma af Klint quote comes from.

NOT SO MYSTERIOUS

Why is it not so mysterious?

It’s for a few different reasons.

This does not say anything about the nature of the world itself. It only says something about how we inevitably perceive it.

To ourselves, we have to be consciousness. Any “conscious being”, to itself, will inevitably appear as most fundamentally consciousness. It’s likely the same for humans, ants, antelopes, whales, and any other being that “has consciousness”.

Whether we notice it or not, it’s what we are most familiar with. In reality, we have never experienced anything else. We have never experienced anything other than the consciousness we are taking the form of all our experiences, including this human self, others, matter, states, thoughts, feelings, and so on.

It’s something we can explore for ourselves, for instance with the guidance of someone familiar with the Big Mind process or the Headless experiments. We can also find it through sense field explorations, for instance, a modern version of traditional Buddhist inquiry like the Kiloby Inquiries. We can find through basic meditation – notice and allow what’s here, and notice it’s already noticed and allowed – which can take a bit longer although may also be more visceral for that same reason.

It’s not so mysterious since… It’s only about how it appears to us. It’s what conscious beings inevitably are to themselves. It’s what we are the most familiar with, whether we consciously notice it or not. It’s something we can find for ourselves, especially with some skilled guidance.

An island of ephemeral forms in space

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How is my experience of the world these days?

There are a lot of old things surfacing, as usual for me. My system wishes to process whatever wasn’t fully processed in the past, so it comes to the surface to be felt, seen, loved, examined, and for it’s nature to be recognized.

Otherwise, the main noticing is that all is space and this human self and the environment he is in is like a kind of ephemeral island in space.

This space is not really the same as physical space. It’s more space for whatever is here, including physical space.

Also, the island of ephemeral sense phenomena is made up of this space.

It’s what we can call awake space or consciousness, and it takes all the ephemeral forms that are here.

There is no real center in this field of sensory phenomena and no real edges.

In a conventional sense, there is a kind of center here that comes and goes and is placed somewhere in or around this human self. This center is really a center of attention that’s here when this human self is doing things, including right now.

To others, I obviously appear as a normal person, which I am. Perhaps a little shy and I rarely talk about these things or anything even in that realm. Because of the fatigue and brain fog (CFS), I likely sometimes come across as someone with some challenges, which is also true enough.

As anything else, attention shifts. Occasionally, it gets caught up in old pain and trauma that’s surfacing. (Doesn’t happen very often but it did happen once last week.) Often, it’s on noticing all as consciousness. Sometimes, it goes into the emptiness aspect of it all, finding it all as emptiness taking the form of consciousness and all the other ephemeral forms. Sometimes, it’s on a task. Sometimes, it’s on a story told in writing, images, or spoken words.

The characteristics of what I am

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What am I to myself?

What are the characteristics of what I am?

RELATIVELY SIMPLE

I usually mention this in the context of something else, mainly since this side of it is quite simple, and the human side is far more complex and – in many ways – interesting.

FAMILIARITY

It’s also something quite familiar to me.

In one sense, it’s all we have ever known so it’s inevitably familiar.

It’s also what I was between lives, which stayed with me into this – and came to the foreground in strong flashbacks in my childhood.

It’s what was revealed strongly in the initial oneness shift.

It’s what I have kept noticing since.

Aspects of my nature have come strongly into the foreground in different phases of the process.

It’s also what I have explored more thoroughly through meditation and different forms of inquiry – the Big Mind process, sense field explorations, the Kiloby inquiries, and so on.

A FEW CHARACTERISTICS

As what I am in my own first-person experience, I find…

My nature is capacity for what’s here – whether it’s what a thought labels consciousness, awakeness, states, anything related to this human self (dullness, confusion, clarity, sadness, joy, etc.) and the wider world as it appears to me, or anything else.

It has an inherent awakeness, which – I assume – is the normal awakeness inherent in any consciousness.

It has no beginning or end in space. It’s what allows the experience of space to appear.

It has no beginning or end in time. It’s what allows any ideas of beginnings and ends of time and in time to appear.

What I am forms itself into any and all content of experience. It forms itself into what’s here – these hands typing, the computer, the sounds of the birds and cars in the distance, ideas of past and future and present, ideas of space and extent, ideas of this human self, and so on.

Night dreams and waking life both happen within and as what I am, so it all has a kind of dreamlike quality. It’s all made up of the consciousness I am.

THIS HUMAN SELF

This human self responds to this as it responds to anything else, and how it responds to it varies with circumstances and changes over time.

There is a kind of getting used to it and, maybe, maturing into and as it.

Also, many parts of this human self were formed from and within separation consciousness, largely through mimicking others in childhood. Many of these are still here and it’s an ongoing process for these to surface, be seen – and loved, examined, reacted to and struggled with, and so on – and eventually realign and reorganize more within my nature noticing itself.

ONGOING EXPLORATION

There is always more to explore – in my nature, in this human self, in how this human self relates to it and lives from and as it or not.

My nature explores itself by expressing and experiencing itself in always new ways, as the experience that’s here.

And it also consciously explores itself, through these explorations I write about here,

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The world as a floating island: Infinity in all directions

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The process of being is always new and changing, and I assume it’s like that for all consciousnesses.

INFINITY IN ALL DIRECTIONS

What’s come to the foreground lately here is infinite space in all directions.

It’s not new, but the way it shows up feels new and fresh.

All is awake space happening within infinity in all directions.

What I see in front of me – the things and the ground – and the sensations and other sensory experiences all happening as awake space and within awake space with no end.

The world is a kind of island (made up of awake space) floating in infinite awake space.

GROUNDING IN (FINDING MYSELF AS) INFINITE

I notice there is a groundedness in it.

The ground disappears, and there is more grounding.

There is a grounding in something more real and fundamental.

LIKELY THE SAME FOR ALL CONSCIOUSNESSES

Of course, this is the inherent characteristics of the consciousness I am and I assume all “conscious beings” are to themselves. It’s awake space. What’s happening happens within and as awake space. There is no end to what I am to find anywhere.

That’s one of many apparently inevitable characteristics of the consciousness we are – it’s one and seamless, it has no beginning and end, it has no real center or edge, it’s awake space, it takes the form of all of its content, it’s capacity for all of the content it forms itself into, any beginning or end or center or edge happens within and as this awake space.

Here, the infinity aspect of it happens to be more in the foreground now, it’s featured so to speak, it shows itself to itself so it can be more consciously noticed.

It’s also more visceral, likely because it – in the context of time – has been noticed off and on for a few tens of years. It comes into the foreground so it can become more visceral, or it’s more visceral so it comes more into the foreground, or it’s just what it is: one process within a seamless whole.

Image created by me and Midjourney

Finding myself as consciousness

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Finding myself as consciousness seems a kind of default.

As a child, I remembered the time between lives. I was consciousness, everything was consciousness. All was light. There was a sense of being profoundly at home. At a visceral level, it was and is home.

Later in childhood, I had moments of oneness with the universe. I experienced myself as the universe, locally expressed as this boy. Carl Sagan’s Cosmos (“We are the eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the Universe. We are the Universe bringing itself into consciousness”), along with being out in nature and seeing the stars, were part of triggering it.

Then, there was the shift into kind of finding myself as consciousness. The world, including anything that had to do with this human self, seemed very distant and far away. This happened for a year when I was fifteen. (I say “kind of” since the viewpoint is from something separate from the world.)

And then, there was the shift into oneness. Into all as the divine, or as I would say now, all as consciousness. My world is consciousness. The consciousness I am forms itself into all of it.

There are times when my nature as consciousness is more strongly in the foreground, for instance, when I do meditation, inquiry, or just notice. (And also at times when my body struggles, as it did when it had a septic shock a couple of years ago.) Other times, it goes more into the background, for instance when I am focused on an activity or if I get caught up in parts of me still caught up in separation consciousness. Even then, bringing my nature into the foreground is just an intentional noticing away.

Unsurprisingly, there are still (many?) parts of this psyche that operate from separation consciousness. They were formed within separation consciousness and haven’t quite caught up with the more global noticing of my nature. My psyche mimicked what it saw other humans do, and created these patterns and dynamics for itself. These parts of me inevitably color my perception, choices, and life. And sometimes, I as a whole get caught up in them and take myself to be these parts of me, forgetting all the rest of the infinite richness and what it all happens within and as.

All of that is OK. It’s natural. It comes from an innocent place and a – understandable and often misguided – wish to take care of this human self. Even the occasional struggle with it is natural and OK. Even that is ultimately innocent. (Even if the consequences can be painful.)

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One or many consciousnesses?

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Are we one or several consciousnesses?

SEVERAL

We can say we are several consciousnesses.

Each conscious being is, by necessity, consciousness to themselves.

That also means that, to them, the world happens within and as the consciousness they are.

Every conscious being is a consciousness full of the world.

ONE NATURE

The nature of the consciousness we are seems to be the same. If we want, we can say there is one consciousness in that consciousness is consciousness whether it happens here or there.

We have the same kind of nature, just like water is always water.

That doesn’t mean that the content of consciousness is shared or the same. That’s obviously not the case. Even if we listen to the same music or eat the same food or all feel joy, the experience of it is unique and individual.

ONE TO ME

There is another oneness of consciousness, and that’s how it appears in direct perception.

When I look, I find I am consciousness, and the world to me happens within and as the consciousness I am.1

This consciousness is seamless, it’s one.

So to me, the world appears as consciousness, and it appears as one.2

It has a dreamlike nature, and it’s seamless.

It appears that way because of my own inherent oneness.

ONE CONSCIOUSNESS CALLED SPIRIT?

It’s also possible that all that is – all of existence – is consciousness. Everything, this whole universe and everything else, happens within and as that consciousness.

If so, that’s what we would call God, the divine, Spirit, Brahman, or whatever label we would like to put on it.

ALL TOGETHER

To me, there is some validity to each of these views, and likely many more.

Just one or the other is too one-sided.

Together, they can better hint at the richness of life.

A NOTE ON THE CARTOON

Although the quote may be a little simplistic, I like the cartoon.

Yes, religion can create a quite small space for us. Religions often include beliefs and shoulds which have their place and also confine us.

Spirituality is a little more open, although also often comes with shoulds, beliefs, and identification.

Consciousness is what it all happens within and as. It has no inherent boundaries, and it contains and makes itself into the boundaries of religion, spirituality, and anything else.

NOTES

(1) As mentioned above, I assume it’s like that for any “conscious being”: They are consciousness to themselves, and to them, the world happens within and as the consciousness they are.

(2) A layer of mental representations put on top of it can make it appear differently. Mental dividing lines can appear real and true and inherent in the world, which will distract attention from the inherent oneness of our experience. These mental overlays can also make the dreamlike experience appear more solid and substantial.

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A secular view on awakening

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Awakening has traditionally been understood in a religious or spiritual context.

All of existence is Spirit and the divine, and the awakening is Spirit becoming conscious of itself and its nature locally. It’s Spirit locally conscious of itself while operating through the vehicle of this particular human self.

These days, it makes sense to also use a more secular understanding of awakening. We live in a more secular society, so why not see it in a secular context? After all, awakening and our nature is not going away.

I have written about this several times before so I’ll make it short.

OUR MORE FUNDAMENTAL NATURE

If we “have” consciousness, then what are we to ourselves? We are not primarily anything within consciousness, we are consciousness itself. There is no way around it. It has to be that way. Whether we notice or not, and independent of whatever conscious worldview we happen to use, to ourselves, we are primarily consciousness. Since the world, to us, happens within and as consciousness, it happens within and as the consciousness we are.

To ourselves, we are primarily conciousness.1 And the world – any content of consciousness – happens within and as the consciousness we are.

THE DREAMLIKE NATURE OF THE WORLD

That means that to us, the world is not so different from a dream. A dream happens within the consciousness we are while this human self is alseep. Waking life happens within and as the consciousness we are while this human self is awake.

ONENESS

Consciousess does not have boundaries. It doesn’t begin or end anywhere. It doesn’t have inherent dividing lines. There is no outside. It’s one. What we are is one. That means that the world, to us, is one whether we notice or not.

TRAINED ITSELF TO NOT NOTICE

Most of the time, the consciousness we are doesn’t notice this. It doesn’t need to. It trains itself to not notice, in a way, since most others don’t seem to notice. It trains itself to operate based on assumptions picked up from others: I am primarily this human self. Consciousness is a kind of add-on. Others and the world are separate from me. The world is more or less as it appears to me.

This is natural and innocent, and since the perception is out of alignment with reality, it comes with some inherent friction and discomfort.

WHEN WE NOTICE OUR NATURE

Sometimes, the consciousness we are may have glimpses of what it is and how the world, to it, is. We may feel or experience a connection with all. We may go into a flow state and forget our identity as this human self and of separation. This happens to many or most in daily life, at least now and then.

Occasionally, this is even more clear.2 There may be a shift so everything is revealed as consciousness. Consciousness becomes aware of itself as everything it’s experiencing and everything it has ever experienced. It becomes aware of itself as consciousness and of its world as happening within and as itself.

A SECULAR VIEW ON AWAKENING

Nothing “spiritual” is required to understand this. We don’t need to refer to God, the divine, Spirit, Brahman, or any of that.

We can understand it in a much more simple way, and a way that fits most (nearly all) worldviews: To ourselves, we are consciousness. The world, to us, happens within and as the consciousness we are.

Sometimes, the consciousness we are doesn’t notice itself. (It’s lost in identifying primarily as this human self, as something within the content of experience).

Sometimes, it recognizes itself. When it does, we call it awakening.

It’s all a process. It’s an exploration. It’s something we can keep clarifying, deepening into, become more familiar with, and mature into and within.3

THE ESSENCE OF EACH VIEW

What’s the essence of the secular and spiritual views on awakening?

To me, it has to do with our nature and the nature of reality itself.

Both views see our fundamental nature as consciousness. That’s not in question since it makes logical sense and is something we can check out for ourselves.

The difference is that the secular view does not make assumptions about the nature of reality itself. It leaves it open. The spiritual view, on the other hand, assumes that our nature – consciousness – is also the nature of reality itself and all there is.

COMPLEMENTARY VIEWS

The spiritual and secular views on awakening are complementary. They fill in what the other is missing, and they each have upsides and drawbacks.

The secular view is compatible with just about any worldview. It’s compatible with the view of Western science. It doesn’t rely on anything mystical or magical. It doesn’t rely on belief. It’s something we can check out for ourselves. It fits with the descriptions from people (mystics) throughout history and across traditions. It helps us find the lowest common denominators of awakening. It can give us a language independent of traditions, and that can help communication across traditions. It can help us find the essence of awakening. It keeps it simple, sober and grounded. It doesn’t say anything about the nature of reality itself and leaves it open. To me, these are all upsides. The downside is that it can seem a bit uninspiring to some.4

The spiritual view has more of a tradition. It may be more familiar to many. It may be more inspiring. On the other hand, it’s often bogged down in terminology, hierarchy, and misconceptions.

Which one is more accurate? The secular view is quite accurate in terms of our own experience and what we can check out for ourselves. And I suspect the spiritual one may be more accurate in the bigger picture. Many hints suggest it.5 (Although these can also be understood in other ways.)

NOTES

(1) I left out something that we even more fundamentally are. When we find ourselves as consciousness, we may also notice something else about our nature. At some level, I am this human self in the world. That’s an assumption that works well in daily life and I have to include it to function in the world. More fundamentally, and in my own first-person experience, I am consciousness. Even more fundamentally, I find I am capacity for it all. I am capacity for any and all of the experiences that are here. I am even capacity for consciousness itself.

(2) In my case, there was a dramatic shift when I was sixteen. Everything without exception was revealed as God or the divine. This human self and anything connected with it was the temporary and local play of the divine. That language was the language this human self used to make sense of it at the time. Today, I would more likely replace “God” and “the divine” with consciousness.

(3) This process is not always easy. For instance, for most of us, our psyche is formed within separation consciousness and it has wounds that operate from separation consciousness. To align with the reality of what we are (consciousness, oneness), these have to surface and be seen, felt, loved, and recognized as consciousness. The consciousness we are has to recognize itself as it. That’s not always an easy or comfortable process. Depending on how much trauma we have, it can be overwhelming, confusing, and we may not always deal with it gracefully. (Speaking from own experience here.)

(4) What are some of these hints? Sensing and healing at a distance, relatively solid reincarnation stories, undeniable chains of extraordinary synchronicities, and so on. None of these have been examined well enough by Western science yet. Each one can also be explained in other ways. Still, together, they suggest that the spiritual view on awakening may be accurate in the bigger picture.

(5) There are definitely ways to make it inspiring while still grounding it in modern science. We can, for instance, bring in the Universe Story and the Epic of Evolution. In the words of Carl Sagan: We are the universe bringing itself into consciousness. We are the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe. We can call the wholeness of all there is for God.

Image by me and Midjourney.

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The big problem of consciousness & a simple and elegant solution that doesn’t fit our current worldview

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I saw an article in Morgenbladet on consciousness research, Norsk filosof står midt i intens konflikt om bevissthetsforskning. I didn’t find the article itself so interesting, but it is an interesting topic.

A MATERIALISTIC VIEW OF CONSCIOUSNESS

Western science is struggling with consciousness, which is not surprising since it comes from a reductionistic and materialistic worldview.

From that worldview, consciousness is somehow created by the brain. Matter gives birth to consciousness.

It’s almost impossible to understand how that can happen. If you start with matter, just about any view on how it transforms into something as qualitatively different as consciousness seems contrived and unsatisfactory. (Systems views may produce the closest we have to something satisfying, but even that’s pretty contrived.)

A materialistic view creates the hard problem of consciousness. It’s inherent in that particular worldview, not in the topic of consciousness itself.

CONSCIOUSNESS AS PRIMARY

We can take a reverse view.

It’s easy for us to imagine matter within consciousness. It’s what happens when we dream. The world happens within consciousness. It’s also what happens in waking life. The world happens within consciousness. It’s what we are most familiar with. It’s our experience. To ourselves, we are consciousness. To us, the world happens within and as the consciousness we are.

That’s our own experience. What if we take a leap and assume it’s also the case for the world itself? What if existence is consciousness, and matter happens within and as consciousness?

Yes, it’s a leap, and it’s a leap that’s consistent with many traditions in the world. (The mystic ones.)

In this view, what we perceive as matter is a form of consciousness.

LOGICALLY SIMPLE

It’s a logically elegant solution to the big question of consciousness. It’s simple. It’s the obvious solution.

One reason it may seem unattractive is that it’s difficult to test and support with data. (That’s also the case with any materialist views on consciousness.)

Another is that it requires us to abandon a fundamentally materialist worldview, or at least place it in a different context. (Logically, this is not a problem since we collectively shift worldviews through history anyway, but it is a problem for some in terms of habit and familiarity.)

NOT MORE WEIRD THAN THE ALTERNATIVE(S)

This view is also not inherently any more weird than a materialist view. Whether matter or consciousness is primary seems equally weird. If anything, the consciousness-as-primary view is simpler and more logical.

It’s also far less odd than the biggest question: How come there is anything at all? How come there is something rather than nothing? That’s the big question that stops the mind. Anything else pales in comparison.

IF IT’S SO LOGICAL, WHY IS IT NOT TAKEN MORE SERIOUSLY?

If the consciousness-first view is simple and logical, why is it not taken more seriously in academia? Why is it still rare and on the fringes?

I suspect that has more to do with familiarity and what’s considered acceptable than anything else.

Most academics and Western philosophers are used to a materialistic worldview. For them, it’s a leap to seriously consider anything else. (Even if they know that our collective worldviews regularly change.)

The materialistic worldview has existed in academia for some generations, and it comes with taboos. One of these taboos is to question the fundamental assumptions within this worldview. Most people in academia are willing to question a lot, but not the fundamental assumptions inherent in the academic world and modern traditions. It may seem too radical. It may seem too risky for their reputation and careers.

At the same time, I assume they know that any worldview is up for revision and will eventually change. They know that as long there is science, it will inevitably undergo a series of fundamental paradigm shifts. And they know that the ones leading the change will meet these taboos and will face a damaged reputation and ridicule, and perhaps even risk their career.

It’s up to each one if they want to deal with that. Some will. Many won’t, at least not until others have led the way and it seems more safe.

Some may also be concerned that it will open up a can of worms in terms of religious ideas and superstitions. That’s not necessarily true. We can use a scientific approach even if we consider the possibility that all of existence is primarily consciousness. There is no lack of examples, and I hope my writings fall into that category as well (as an example of a layman’s view on these things).

MY HISTORY WITH THIS

Why is it relatively easy for me to consider a consciousness-first view?

It’s partly because I read a lot about paradigm shifts within science in my teens, and also Eastern views on Western science. This was mainly through the books of Fritjof Capra and several of the ones he references.

It’s also because this shift happened with me when I was a teenager. The consciousness I am recognized itself and that recognition went into the foreground and stayed there. To myself, I am primarily consciousness and the world, to me, happens within and as the consciousness I am. (Even more fundamentally, I am capacity for all of that, but that’s another topic.)

Is existence itself consciousness? I cannot know for certain. I have written about the small and big understandings of awakening in other articles, and I like to shift between those two views since each has its place and function. I love the small view since it provides a kind of common lowest denominator for talking about our nature and (ironically in this context) is compatible with a materialistic worldview. I also suspect the big understanding is more accurate. I have experienced too many things that point in that direction. (And I also know it can be understood in other ways.)

CAN NOT KNOW FOR CERTAIN

I love that I cannot know. I love that I cannot know anything for certain.

Thoughts are questions about the world.

They have a practical function only. They help me orient and function in the world.

And if they serve as pointers to anything, they cannot even begin to touch what they point to.

Image by me and Midjourey

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Sting: You could be me in another life, in another set of circumstances

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Don’t judge me
You could be me
In another life In another set of circumstances

– Sting in Tomorrow we’ll see

This refrain from Sting frequently comes to mind when I see people in different situations and with other values and orientations from me.

I could be them, in another life, in another set of circumstances.

We are both the product of a slightly different set of infinite causes going back to the beginning of time and out to the widest extent of existence.

Their life, my life, are both expressions of existence, of this universe. We are expressions of this living planet. We are expressions of the same seamless whole.

I can find them in me. I could be them.

In a very real sense, I am them. Whatever story I have about them, I can turn around to myself and find genuine and specific examples of where it’s true. To me, they happen within and as the consciousness I am. The consciousness I am forms itself into my experience of them and all I see in them. It’s me.

Conscious through deep sleep

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In the mid-2000s, a couple of decades into this exploration, I set the intention to see if consciousness (the consciousness I am) could be conscious through deep sleep and throughout the night.

CONSCIOUS THROUGH SLEEP

After a few nights, it worked.

Consciousness – the consciousness I am – observed this human self fall asleep. There was consciousness through the night, including through deep sleep. It was not aware of anything in particular – apart from perhaps a very faint (subtle) content of experience. There was an absence of a sense of time. (Or perhaps a very faint sense of time as if it was away in the distance? I don’t remember if there was.) Nothing much happening. Then some dreams, and then the waking world.

Is this important? I am not sure. Of course, it’s one of many things that points to and highlights my more fundamental nature. Beyond that, I didn’t find it obviously useful or interesting. Also, this human self prefers awareness to be “gone” during deep sleep, so I didn’t pursue it further.

RELATED TO…

This reminds me of a few other things.

LUCID DREAMING

When I was little, maybe five or six years old, and set the intention to be aware that I am dreaming while dreaming. That too worked. I dreamt I was in a big barn (US style for some reason), and a large group of people with pitchforks were chasing me. I ran out towards a steep drop. I also knew I was dreaming, so it didn’t matter so much that I had no escape. Knowing it was a dream was escape enough.

AWARE OF THE DREAMING PROCESS WHILE AWAKE

I sometimes am consciously aware of the dreaming process while awake, which I wrote about some days ago.

MEMORY FROM BETWEEN LIVES

And it’s similar to my apparent memory from between lives. Here too, there wasn’t too much content of experience. (Apart from the oneness and golden light and some occasional communication with other disembodied entities.) There was very little awareness of time – it seemed very far away. (This memory came as occasional flashbacks when I was very little, before school age.)

DON’T TALK ABOUT IT MUCH

I’ll happily talk about this with others who have similar experiences. It’s fun to explore and compare notes. But I hardly ever mention it otherwise. It seems a distraction from what’s more direct, easy, and essential (noticing our nature here and now) and most people just find it weird.

Image by me and Midjourney

Update: It’s a few days after I wrote this, and something similar happened, likely because this topic and curiosity was in my system from writing the article. I was channeling (Vortex Healing) and lying down on the bed, and consciousness watched as this body was falling asleep. The channeling continued to some extent, although not quite as strongly. And then this body woke up again, likely because a part wanted to stay awake to continue channeling. Watching this body fall asleep is not quite the same as consciousness continuing through deep sleep, but a taste of the same.

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Life is like a dream

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The world is dreamlike in a few different ways.

THE FLEETING NATURE OF OUR EXPERIENCE

In my experience, life is like a dream. Every moment, it’s new. What was here is gone, just like a dream. At best, I have a vague memory for a while, and then that’s gone too.

HAPPENS WITHIN AND AS CONSCIOUSNESS

To myself, I am most fundamentally consciousness, and the world – to me – happens within and as that consciousness. That too is like a night dream. Night dreams and waking life happens within and as the consciousness I am.

EXISTENCE IS LIKE A DREAM (?)

That’s all how it appears to me.

Can I say anything about existence itself? Not really, but I can make a couple of guesses.

It seems that in existence itself – in the world and the universe – everything is new every moment. What’s here is gone, just like a dream. In this way, it’s as if existence itself is like a dream.

It’s even possible that the nature of existence is the same as my nature, and that it’s all actually happening within and as consciousness. In this case, existence is like the dream of God, the divine, Spirit, Brahman.

Image by me and Midjourney

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Others are likely like me: we are all fundamentally consciousness to ourselves

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It’s not wrong that I am this human self in the world with all sorts of characteristics, identities, and so on. And yet, when I look, I find I am more fundamentally something else. I am more fundamentally what this field of experience happens within and as. I am what the world, to me, happens within and as. I am capacity for it all.

A thought may call this consciousness. To myself, I am consciousness and the world to me happens within and as the consciousness I am.

And that’s likely the same for others as well.

If a creature “has” consciousness, then to themselves they ARE consciousness. And the world, as it appears to them, happens within and as the consciousness they are.

The only difference is the particular body-mind this consciousness operates through and as. It may be another human being. It may be a bird. It may be an insect.

To me, this is very beautiful. Even if they may not consciously recognize their nature, I can recognize it. I can imagine it based on what I find here.

Why the halo or nimbus in these images? Why the circle around the head or body?

I can find three reasons.

One is tradition. In European and Asian art, it’s traditionally used to indicate sacredness.

It’s also something we can see. I have seen energies around people and any living and even non-living thing since my mid-teens. (I first saw it around the leaves of a birch tree.)

And it’s also metaphorical. Here, I used it to suggest consciousness and that we all fundamentally are consciousness to ourselves, whether we notice or not.

I made these images with Midjourney, and they are really created by our collective humanity and the existence as a whole just like anything expressed through each of us.

AI & consciousness

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With the recent public AI boom, there has been a renewed discussion on whether AI is conscious or can become conscious.

To me, that’s missing the point a bit.

Artificial Intelligence (AI) is an opportunity to differentiate between (a) consciousness and (b) the content of consciousness.

CONTENT OF CONSCIOUSNESS

AI is about the content of consciousness, which can – to some extent – be mimicked by machines. AI can produce text, images, music, videos, etc. that look like they could have been made by humans.

CONSCIOUSNESS

Consciousness itself is very different.

Consciousness is what we are. It’s what, to us, any content of experience happens within and as. It’s what forms itself into any and all content of experience 

STATISTICS, NOT INTELLIGENCE

In general, I think the name “artificial intelligence” is slightly misleading. It’s overselling it a bit. It’s more accurate to call it predictive text, or predictive music and image generation.

It’s statistics, not intelligence. It’s the product of intelligence, not intelligence itself.

A FEW MORE WORDS

What do I mean by the content of consciousness? Whatever is produced by AI is similar to what’s produced by consciousness, at least consciousness operating through a human self. It’s images, words, sounds, and so on. It’s all content of consciousness. It’s all an experience that comes and goes.

What do I mean by consciousness? To ourselves, we are consciousness. If we “have” consciousness, it means that to ourselves, we ARE conscousness. To us, the world and any experience happen within and as the consciousness we are. (Night dreams and waking life are the same in that way.) Consciousness itself is distinctly different from any particular content of consciousness. Even as, to us, any content of consciousness is consciousness.

What about the AI name? There is nothing wrong with it, and it is sexy and catchy so I understand why people use it. I just think it’s important to include a more accurate and boring description as well, like “predictive text” and “predictive image generation”. It brings it down to earth a bit. It sobers it up.

THE BIGGER PICTURE

There is a bigger picture here.

AI is the product of the inherent intelligence of existence. It’s a product of 13.8 billion years of evolution of the seamless system we call the universe, locally expressed as this living planet and human biology, technology, and civilization. The intelligence of existence is expressed in all we see and know, including AI.

And if the universe itself IS consciousness, then AI is perhaps more similar to us than most of us imagine. Then AI too is a typical content of consciousness (words, images, etc.) happening within and as consciousness.

Image: A sacred bronze sculpture imagined by me and Midjourney earlier this year.

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What is cosmic consciousness?

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What is cosmic consciousness?

If it’s “just” a direct experience of all of cosmos being one and consciousness, then that’s inevitable when we notice our nature.

To ourselves, we are consciousness. And to us, all of existence happens within and as the consciousenss we are.

That’s how it always and already is. And when we notice, then it may appear to us as all of cosmos is the consciousness we are. It’s all one and consciousness. And we may call that Spirit, the divine, God, Brahman, Big Mind, and so on.

Does it mean that all of existence IS consciousness? That it has the same nature as me? Maybe, but if I am honest with myself, I know I cannot know for certain.

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We see others as we see ourselves

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We see others as we see ourselves.

OBJECT WITHIN EXPERIENCE

If we take ourselves to primarily be an object within consciousness, then we tend to see others that way.

We see ourselves as this body and psyche, and see others as primarily that body and psyche.

We see ourselves as a doer and observer and see others as doers and observers.

We quite literally objectify others and ourselves.

That’s understandable since we do as others do, and that’s what most people do these days.

CONSCIOUSNESS

If we find ourselves fundamentally as consciousness, then we tend to see others as that.

We see ourselves as fundamentally consciousness operating through this body and psyche, and others as consciousness operating through that particular body and psyche.

To us, the world happens within and as the consciousness we are, and we assume that’s how it is for others as well. (Based on their reports and what makes logical sense.)

We find ourselves as what the world, to us, happens within and as, and assume that’s how it is for others.

We find ourselves as oneness and assume others are onenesses as well, whether they notice or not.

IMPLICATIONS

What effect does it have to viscerally find ourselves as one or the other, and see others as the same?

If we see ourselves and others as fundamentally objects, then we literally objectify ourselves and others. We assume that the limited and distorted stories we have about ourselves and others are accurate and perhaps even all there is. We see ourselves as objects in the world at the mercy of other objects and living within time and space. We experience that we move through the world. We experience distance and time as real and inherent in the world. We experience the world as fundamentally matter.

If we find ourselves as fundamentally consciousness, then a lot changes. We realize that any story is a story and question about ourselves, others, and the world. They cannot hold any full, final, or absolute truth. We find ourselves as what time and space, to us, happens within and as. In a car or when walking, we experience that the world moves through us. We experience the world as fundamentally consciousness since, to us, it happens within and as the consciousness we are.

IN MY CASE

I can dip and imagine into the first way of experiencing myself, others, and the world. And parts of my psyche still operate from it. But in general, it’s so long since the initial oneness shift that I have problems connecting with it in a strong and solid way.

In general, I viscerally find myself as consciousness. The world happens within and as the consciousness I am. This body happens within and as consciousness, just like anything else. It all happens like a night dream, within and as consciousness.

I imagine others as that too, and that gets stronger and more clear when I bring attention to it. To me, they too are consciousness. They are consciousness operating through that particular body and psyche. (That’s exciting, the differences and “otherness” of it is exciting.) And that opens for compassion and empathy. They are like me (they are consciousness to themselves) and (like me) operate through a unique body and psyche.

And there is always further to go and more to explore within this.

A FEW NOTES

I’ll add a couple of short notes.

This is all about projections. I find myself as something and assume others are like that too. It’s an assumption – whether I assume they are fundamentally objects or fundamentally consciousness.

This is also about where our “center of gravity” is. It’s about what we viscerally find ourselves to be. Knowing about it or glimpses of it are good first steps, and – through grace and often intention and explorations – it becomes something that’s immediate and visceral.

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The only thing I can know for certain and what it says about my nature 

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What can I know for certain?

CONTENT OF EXPERIENCE

When I explore this, I find I cannot say anything for certain about anything within the content of my experience. I cannot say for certain anything about the world, others, God, or even myself. I cannot even know for certain I am this human self in the world that others, my passport, and my thoughts say I am. (That person could, for instance, be a dream or fantasy or simulation.)

I can say something about how something appears to me, but not anything for certain about what or how it is in itself.

And that’s OK. I can still navigate the world and be as good a steward as possible of this life and what’s in my life.

THERE IS CONSCIOUSNESS

So is there anything I can know for certain?

Yes, there is. I can know for certain that there is consciousness. There is consciousness that is conscious of all this content of experience.

If I said “I am conscious”, it would go beyond what I can know something about for certain. This “I” would be an assumption and something within the content of experience – a human self, an observer, a doer, or something similar. I can just say that there is consciousness and something happening within that consciousness, some kind of content of experience.

HOLDING IT ALL LIGHTLY

Intellectually, we can take this as a curiosity or something interesting or fascinating.

And it also has some practical real-life implications.

For instance, it means that it’s wise of me to hold any ideas I have about anything and anyone more lightly. I cannot know for certain that any of it is accurate.

This especially applies when I notice a tendency in me to hold a certain story as true, when it has a charge for me. The charge doesn’t mean it’s true. It just means there is a charge. It just means a part of me holds it as true, and that there is some identification and an emotional issue there.

And, as mentioned above, I can still navigate and function in the world. I can use my experience, discernment, and best guesses and make the best choices I can. It’s just about holding it all a bit more lightly.

EXPLORING MY NATURE

There is also an invitation here to explore what I more fundamentally am in my own experience.

If I cannot say anything for certain about this human self, or even that it is who or what I am, what does that mean? Can this human self be what I most fundamentally am? Perhaps I more fundamentally am something else?

When I look, I find that to myself, I am more fundamentally something else. I am what any content of experience happens within and as. I am what this metaphorical field of experience happens within and as. I am capacity for the experiences that are here.

Said with other words… To myself, I am consciousness and the world, to me, happens within and as this consciousness. All I know is consciousness, and it takes all the forms of the content of my experience. In this sense, night dreams and waking life are not so different. They both happen within and as the consciousness I am.

This consciousness is capacity for any experience here. It forms itself into any experience. It’s inherently one. It can take apparently infinite forms. It can even pretend it’s something within itself – for instance this human self or a more abstract doer or observer – with an “I” and “other”.

The word “consciousness” is just a pointer. My nature is something that can just be pointed to and not captured by words or mental representations. (And in that, it’s the same as anything else.)

EXPLORING IT FOR OURSELVES

We can explore this in different ways.

We can investigate it intellectually, which helps align our conscious view a little more with reality.

And we can explore it in our own direct noticing.

We can investigate any thought we hold as true and find what’s more true for us, for instance using The Work of Byron Katie.

We can explore our sense fields and what’s in each one, and how the mental field functions as a kind of overlay to make sense of the world. We can use traditional Buddhist inquiry or modern variations like the Kiloby Inquiries.

And we can explore our nature more directly using pointers from, for instance, the Big Mind process and Headless experiments.

Our nature can notice itself and metaphorically wake itself up from the dream of being most fundamentally something within its content of experience, whether this happens to be this human self, a doer, an observer, or something else. It can make this noticing into a habit. It can explore how to live from and as this noticing. It can allow and support this human self to reorganize within this conscious noticing of its nature. And so on.

This is an ongoing exploration, and it can be profoundly transforming for our perception, human self, and life in the world.

IN MY CASE

This was revealed in the initial awakening shift in my teens.

All was revealed as consciousness, without exception. And any sense of fundamentally being anything in particular within the content of experience – the world of form – was revealed as the temporary play of consciousness.

At the same time, many parts of this psyche were formed within separation consciousness and still operate from separation consciousness. And that’s why it’s been helpful with these types of explorations and inquiries. It helps get more of me on board and aligned with it.

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This experience too is most fundamentally content of experience

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I had store-bought pizza last night, which is unusual for me, but I was somehow drawn to it. The result was predictable: a restless night and waking up feeling not very good. (Highly processed foods usually have a big impact on my system, including my emotional state.)

And that’s OK. I can still do some or all of the things I had planned for today.

More importantly, it’s an opportunity to explore.

It’s all content of experience. The weird feelings in my body, and the emotions and corresponding thoughts, are all content of experience. To me, it’s made up of what any experience is made up of.

It’s OK. It’s like any other experience. It’s most fundamentally like any other experience.

As someone said: It’s a flavor of the divine. It’s a flavor of consciousness.

So this uncomfortable experience is, in many ways, a blessing.

It’s an invitation to notice this and let my system soak in that noticing.

And I’ll still limit how often and how much I eat highly processed foods (!). I don’t need to actively seek it out to explore in this way since the content of experience is always in flux anyway.

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The universality of consciousness

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When we see another being, how do we see it?

Do we see it mostly as an object in the world?

Or as consciousness operating through and as that form?

WE SEE OTHERS AS WE KNOW OURSELVES

My guess is that it depends on how we viscerally experience ourselves.

If we viscerally take ourselves to fundamentally be this human self, we’ll tend to see others primarily as a form and an object in the world.

And if we viscerally find ourselves as the consciousness we more fundamentally are, we tend to recognize others as that too. We see them primarily as consciousness.

FINDING OURSELVES AS CONSCIOUSNESS

If we “have” consciousness, it means that to ourselves we ARE consciousness.

And if we are consciousness, then the world to us happens within and as the consciousness we are.

To us, the world happens within and as what we are. It happens within and as the oneness we are. It happens within and as the consciousness we are.

It’s inevitable from a logical view. And it’s inevitable in our own direct noticing when we explore our own first-person experience.

THE UNIVERSALITY OF CONSCIOUSNESS

And that’s likely how it is for any conscious being.

Just like me, they are likely consciousness to themselves, and their world happens within and as the consciousness they are. (Whether they consciously notice it or not.)

THE UNIVERSAL CHARACTERISTICS OF CONSCIOUSNESS

When I explore what I am, I find certain characteristics.

I find I am fundamentally capacity for any and all experience. I am what can form itself into and as any experience – what a thought may call sight, sound, taste, smell, sensations, and mental representations, or emotions and states, or this human self, others, and the wider world.

As mentioned above, I find that the world to me happens within and as what I am.

I find that the consciousness I am is one, and the world to me happens within and as the oneness I am.

I find that the world, to me, is similar to a dream. Just like a night dream, it happens within and as the consciousness I am.

And I assume it’s like that for any other consciousness as well, based on reports and what makes the most sense.

EXPRESSED THROUGH AND AS A UNIQUE SELF

This consciousness I am is expressed through and as a self in the world.

In my case, it’s expressed through and as this particular human self.

The world and all beings to me happen within and as what I am. And at the same time, there is a special connection with this particular human self. The consciousness I am receives sensory information from this human self, and other people take the consciousness I am to be this human self.

I assume it’s like this for all other conscious beings.

To themselves, they are most fundamentally consciousness, whether they notice or not. And this consciousness has a special connection to that particular self in the world. The consciousness they are operates through and as that particular self.

And that self has unique characteristics. It has a unique body with a unique sensory and nervous system. It has a certain size and lifespan. It operates in a certain environment. It may look like a beetle, a butterfly, a swallow, an eel, a rat, a human being, or any other type of conscious being.

In the world, the way we appear is unique and different. And to ourselves, our fundamental nature may be the same.

TAKING OTHERS AS CONSCIOUSNESS

If we take ourselves and others as primarily an object, we literally objectify ourselves and others. We perceive and live as if we are all primarily objects.

If we viscerally find ourselves primarily as consciousness, we tend to perceive others as that as well.

How can I take that in more deeply? How can I allow it to work on me?

If the other is primarily consciousness (whether they notice or not), how would I treat him or her?

How would I treat non-human species?

Image: Created by me and Midjourney

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