Agenda

I notice a hesitancy in posting these days, as it all seems a little too obvious – and too general and too much of a repetition – to mention. But as it still comes up, I guess I need to hear it.

In doing the Byron Katie inquiries – and probably any other forms of inquiry – there can be several different agendas behind it.

There can be an intention to…

  • Hold onto the belief
    It seems too true, or too valuable, for me to question it. Or the implications of questioning it seem too wide-reaching. This seems to be a problem in the very beginning of inquiry, before we see – over and over – the release and clarity that comes out of it.

  • Get rid of the belief
    We either want a particular belief to go away, or – as in my case – any and all beliefs to go away. I notice that I sometimes inquire partly to uncover the dynamics around the belief, but also partly with the intention to have it go away.

  • Change the situation…
    miraculously, through inquiry. For instance, I may have an addiction I hope will clear up through inquiry, or money problems, health problems, relationship problems and so on.

I notice that when these are present for me there is also a discomfort throughout the inquiry. And this discomfort is a sign that there are underlying beliefs about inquiry waiting to be explored through inquiry.

These underlying beliefs about inquiry…

  • Prevents me from staying with the inquiry
    A part of me keeps the intention in mind, compares whatever comes up with this desired outcome, analyzes whatever comes up in the light of this desired outcome, and so on. There is a whole level of filtering and processing going on which clouds over the simplicity of it.

  • Filter the content of inquiry
    They filter what comes up, possibly leaving out that which appears to not fit with the desired outcome. They also cloud over the simple seeing of what comes up.

  • Clouds it over
    In general, it clouds over the simplicity of the inquiry, and the clear seeing of what comes up.

It seems that these intentions are typically more strongly present early on in doing inquiry.

As we become more familiar with inquiry, we start trusting the process and the clarity and wisdom that comes out of it. There is no need to add anything to the inherent simplicity of the process. And as we inquire into these underlying beliefs about inquiry, they tend to clear up as well.

Over and over, I see the effects of the process – and that it is simple. There is no need to add anything to it. I find a simple statement, I ask four questions and turn the statement around, and I do this with sincerity, a curiosity about the dynamics of this particular belief, a curiosity about what comes up as really true for me, and an interest in allowing it all to sink in – allowing it all to be simply seen.

And in this, I find – over and over – that the natural and inherent wisdom, clarity and compassion of mind takes over, allowing it all to reorganize, unfold, untie, unravel, in whatever way it needs to.

Examining Underlying Beliefs

When I do The Work, I find it very helpful to not only split the statements into their components, but also to explore the underlying beliefs – the assumptions behind the belief.

For instance, a statement may be I shouldn’t waste my life, and underlying beliefs may be I am wasting my life, and it is possible to waste one’s life.

Some of the more basic underlying beliefs include I am a human being (which makes everything else into an Other), I live (which means I can die), I am (which makes nonexistence into an Other), and even just the idea of a separate I.

Inquiry :: Teaching

I am not a good teacher (instructor, public speaker).

  1. No (at least not completely true.)
  2. (no)
  3. How do I react when I believe that thought?

    I look for evidence for it, such as blank stares when I talk and so on.

    If I believe that thought, then anything can become evidence for it – including the most innocent things such as people’s neutral facial expressions and even expressions of gratitude and appreciation (which I take as not honest, or maybe as a way to make me feel better!).

    How do I live my life when I believe that thought?

    I avoid teaching or public speaking situations. I tell myself that I am not good enough, and that others can do it better. I want to leave room for others to do it better, even if there may not be any others around (at least locally) to do it at all. I hold back. I get frustrated because I hold back. And I sometimes judge others for not teaching well enough, even telling myself that I can do better than that.

    It creates a sense of separation. When I do teach or give a talk, it creates a sense of separation with the recipients, with the topic and with myself. And when I am a recipient myself, it creates a sense of separation with the teacher or speaker.

    It is very dissatisfying, in many ways.

    How do I treat others?

    I may turn down teaching and speaking opportunities, saying that others can do it better. During teaching and speaking, I make the recipients into Other and experience separation.

    What is the payoff from holding onto that belief?

    I get to appear humble to myself and others. I get to show that I realize it can be done better, that my insights and knowledge is not as comprehensive as it can be, that others do it better than me, that I am not arrogant, that people deserve better than what I can offer. I get to be a victim, of my own beliefs.

    What is the cost?

    Frustration. Dissatisfaction. Feeling like a victim. Judgment of others. Sense of separation from recipients, the topic, myself, others in a teacher/speaker role. Holding myself back from sharing with others. Holding myself back from exploring topics more in depth through teaching and public speaking. Holding myself back from exploring the roles of teaching and public speaking, and what it brings up in me and how I can mature through it.

  4. Who would I be without that belief?

    I would have a sense of connection with recipients, the topic and myself, when teaching or speaking. I would connect through eyes, facial expression, humour, sincerity and more. I would enjoy it much more. And I would be open to and seek out teaching and speaking opportunities. I would explore the topics more in depth through teaching and speaking.

  5. (a) I am a good teacher.

    Yes, that is as or more true. I usually prepare well. I am present while teaching. I am focused on what the recipients may benefit from. I am sincere about my limited knowledge and experience with the topic (even if I knew more than anybody else, it would still be limited, still only scratching the surface). I am sincerely interested in the student’s questions. I speak from what is true and alive for me. People sometimes tell me they appreciate and enjoy the way I teach and speak.

    (b) My thinking is not a good teacher.

    Yes, that is as or more true. When I believe my thoughts, I take them as my teacher and guru, and am mislead my them. My thinking is not a good teacher if I take it as true, if I believe in it. Also, when I teach, I want to teach from what is alive for me – not from abstractions and thinking, although that is obviously included. I want the thinking to be in service of what is alive for me.

    (c) My thinking is a good teacher.

    Yes, also true. Through inquiry, I learn a lot about the interactions between thinking, believing in them, and my human life. My thinking is a good teacher in that sense. Also, my thinking helps me explore the world in a different way – through abstractions, analysis, differentiation and so on.

    (d) Others are not good teachers.

    Well, I sometimes see others as not good teachers – as not familiar enough with the topic, not aware enough of their hangups and blindspots (as if any of us are!), and so on. Also, others are not good teachers for my teaching. My teaching has to come from me, from what is alive and true to me in the present. I do it for myself, to explore the topic more in depth, to explore the role of the teacher, and so on.

    (e) Others are good teachers.

    Yes, everybody is a good teacher for me – no matter what – because they reflect me. They are my mirror. I learn about and see myself in them, no matter who they are or what they do. And I see that the reverse is true as well. I am always a good teacher for others, because they see themselves in me.

  6. I am willing to see myself as not a good teacher. I look forward to seeing myself as not a good teacher.

    Yes, because that will remind me to explore that belief.


New statements: People deserve better than what I can offer. I am not arrogant. I am humble.

Turnaronds for new statements…

  1. People deserve better than what I can offer.

    (a) People don’t deserve better than what I can offer.

    Yes, they get what they get. And they are free to not attend, or ask for the money back. That is their responsibility. Also, they see themselves in me.

    (b) People deserve what I can offer.

    >> Yes, I can offer something to them, both as a mirror and in terms of learning and exploration. I am them, helping them see it in themselves.

    (c) I deserve what I can offer.

    >> Yes, also true. Can I receive what I can offer? It is for me, after all. The activity, the teaching, the explorations, it is all for me. I am the one to receive it.

    (d) I deserve better than what I can offer.

    Yes, also true. I deserve better than what I, as a human being, can offer. And that is why there is a whole universe out here, reflecting back other things to me than what this human self easily can do.

    (d) I don’t deserve better than what I can offer.

    Yes, what is is.

    (e) I deserve what others can offer.

    Yes, it is for me. Can I receive it? Can I see myself in it? Can I take it as an opportunity to see and get to know me better? Can I take it in?

    (f) I don’t deserve what others can offer.

    Hmm… Well, not if I am not receptive to it. If I believe in stories, I am not all that receptive to it.

  2. I am not arrogant.

    (a) I am arrogant.

    Yes, as true. Especially if I believe in the thought that I am not arrogant! In that moment, I am. I set myself aside from others and from sides of myself. I make myself right, I make myself better than that.

    (b) My thinking is arrogant.

    Yes, or at least when believed in. As soon as I believe in a thought, there is arrogance. I split the world. I identify with something I see as right, and make something else wrong. I split the world into I and Other.

    (c) My thinking is not arrogant.

    Yes, also true. My thinking is innocent – just innocent questions about the world. It is only when I attach to them, when I believe them, when I make them right and something else wrong, that arrogance comes into the picture. Arrogance, from splitting the world into I and Other, into right and wrong.

Correspondence

The Byron Katie inquiries overlaps in many ways with approaches I have used in the past, and also many other approaches out there.

A brief overview of how the Byron Katie inquiries seem to correspond with other approaches.

Question number…

  1. Is it true?
    Awareness of the discrepancy between opinions and reality.

  2. Can you absolutely know it is true?
    Awareness of how abstractions are always only relative truth, unable to touch any absolute truth. Awareness of the limits of knowledge.

  3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
    Psychotherapy (exploring how we are apparently screwed up).

  4. Who would you be without the thought?
    Shikantaza. Big Mind process (Big Mind/Heart, nonseeking mind). Headlessness. Atma Vichara. Mindfulness based psychotherapy.

  5. Turnarounds
    Projections. Shadow work. Everything and everybody are mirrors for myself. Awareness of abstractions as only relative truth, unable to touch any absolute truth.

Undoing Lifetimes

On one of the CDs, Byron Katie mentioned that inquiry can undo lifetimes of material, and it certainly seems that way in my experience.

I see how I can play out these beliefs in my life, over years and lifetimes, and suffer the consequences until the situation finally becomes right for it to resolve – for me to see through the belief. Or, I can notice a stressful thought, take it to inquiry, and allow it to resolve that way. In a few minutes, I can do what would otherwise take lifetimes, or maybe years of exploration through other techniques.

The lifetimes of material seems true in a quite literal sense (without having to bring reincarnation into the picture). These stressful thoughts seem to be universally human, and have been with us since the dawn of civilization and probably before. They come to us through generations of humans, they have come alive in innumerable human lives. And now, they appear in us, inviting us to examine them and allowing them to unravel. They want their life, and they want to be freed from our belief in them.

Examining Ideas

When I do inquiry, the thought there are too many beliefs to inquire into sometimes surfaces – bringing with it a predictable sense of overwhelm. But I also see that inquiry is about examining ideas, and most of these ideas – at least the basic ones – are typically applied in many different situations. So I can do inquiry into death, or on seeking approval, and it has impacts on a wide range of situations.

When I inquire into beliefs, I do the ones surfacing right now, and that makes it easier as well. They are naturally portioned out.

Inquiry :: Death

She shouldn’t die.

  1. Yes (Feels true).
  2. No (Cannot know that is absolutely true, nor what is best for her path, my path, or anyone’s path.)
  3. How do I react when I believe that thought?

    Images of all the times we have spent together, how rewarding it has been for me. Sadness of losing it. Grief of losing it, even while she is still alive. Images of me without her in my life, and how empty it will be. Images of everything I will miss. Fear. Frustration of how unpredictable life is, that I cannot know when anyone will die – nor do anything to prevent it. Hopelessness. Feel trapped. Feel that life is unfair. I feel separate from her, from myself, from anyone else – because they will all die from me, and from life.

    How do I treat her?

    I either feel needy and want her attention, or sad and unable to connect very well.

    How do I treat myself?

    I play images of good times together, and of my own grief and loneliness after she is gone, in my mind. I torture myself by playing them over and over.

    What is the payoff?

    I get to feel that I appreciate what she has brought into my life, knowing it is transient. I get to see myself as a “good” person wanting someone else to stay around longer. I get to experience sadness and the depth and grounding in that.

    And the cost?

    Sense of separation – from her, myself, others, life. Sense of loneliness – even while she (and others) are still around. Sense of frustration and hopelessness. Sense of being a victim – of this life and universe where everything is temporary.

  4. Who would I be without that thought?

    Free to enjoy our time together and apart, free from my stories around it. Free to see what is conventionally called her “death” as just being apart, as I am daily even now.

    >> Free to be as I am right now, apart from her, even after what they call death. Free from adding any stories to it.

    Free to play the stories of our times together in my mind, and enjoy it, appreciate it, experience the love through that as I do now. Free to see that she will continue to live in me, as she already does when we are apart.

  5. (a) She should die.

    Yes, we all do. Everything born dies. Everything is transient. There is no renewal without death – stars die and create heavier elements allowing planets and life, organisms die and give space and matter to new organisms, cultures die and give space and nutrients to new cultures, species die and allow space for new species, ideas die allowing space for new ideas, insights die allowing space for new insights, and so on.

    She wouldn’t have been around in the first place if this was not inherent to the world of phenomena. She is born from death, and returns to death – as everything and everyone else.

    I also see how the world of phenomena, unfolding within the eternal Present, is always fresh, always new, always different. The whole world dies as what it was and is reborn as something else, continually.

    Also, when she dies it is as it should be. There are infinite causes to it. It is another expression of the whole.

    I also see that she should die in this memory, because she (most likely) will at some point. She will die in this (my) memory, and be gone from my world. Possibly when this body dies, possibly before, possibly later, possibly never – I don’t know.

    (b) My thinking should die.

    Yes, my thinking that she shouldn’t die is what should die. It is in conflict with what is, and only creates misery for me. It is an unexamined belief only.

    (c) My thinking shouldn’t die.

    Yes, true as well. My thinking about her shouldn’t die. If I want her to not die, she should stay alive right here, in my mind. That is about all I have control over, if that.

    (d) I shouldn’t die.

    Well, don’t know. What I find here is the timeless Present within which the world of phenomena unfolds, and since it is (or seems) unborn it (seems that it) won’t die. Really, I don’t know.

    (e) I should die.

    Yes, if I see “I” as this body/mind, it obviously should die, along with everything else in the world of phenomena. It all comes and goes. It is all transient. It is flow. Everything and everybody are guests, passerbys.

I will miss her and what she brings into my life.

  1. (a) I won’t miss her and what she brings into my life.

    >> That is as true. She will be with me right here, in my own mind, so I won’t miss her. And if she is not present even here, then I won’t know that she isn’t so I won’t miss her then either.

    (b) I will miss myself and what I bring into my life.

    >> Yes, that is also true. If I believe that I will miss her, there is a sense of separation even from myself, so I will miss myself and what I bring into my life. In believing the thought, there is separation, and a sense of loneliness. I am in her business, and nobody is here to take care of me.

    (c) I will miss her and what I bring into my life.

    >> Yes, also true. I will miss her, and what I bring into my life through (my story of) her. She serves as a catalyst for things in me, as a mirror for myself. I get to know myself in a different way through her.

I won’t have her as a mirror (for myself).

  1. (a) I will have her as a mirror.

    Yes, my stories about her will still serve as a mirror for myself. It may take a different flavor, but still be a mirror. And the role she served as my mirror will be taken up by others. There is a whole universe whose job it is to serve as a mirror for me, so if one part of it goes away there is plenty left to take up the slack.

    (b) I will have others as a mirror.

    >> Yes, that is true. It sets it in perspective. She may be gone in a certain way, but there is still the whole rest of the universe there – faithfully doing its job as a mirror for me. Mirroring me back to myself in innumerable ways. There is an infinite richness out there, even without her.

    (c) I will have myself as a mirror.

    Yes, I mirror myself – through my stories. My stories shows me what I need to see about myself to find who I am without any stories.

Harvesting the Nutrients

In any stressful experience, there is a gift – there are nutrients there, ready to nurture our life if we are available to them.

In my experience, if I just use a regular mindfulness practice – coming to my breath or the movements of the body when I notice getting caught up in a hangup – it works in the short term, giving me some relief and reminding me of who I would be without the story. But it also seems to miss something in the longer run. Until the nutrients are harvested, until the gift is received, it seems to just come up again – over and over. Something wants to be seen, and until it is – it will return.

I am sure there are innumerable very effective ways of harvesting these nutrients. Some that work for me are…

  • The Big Mind process
    Exploring in detail the dynamic behind what is happening, including the polarities (complementary/opposite) voices at a personal level and the transcendent voices.

  • Byron Katie’s inquiries
    Exploring in detail what the belief is behind the stress, what happens when I believe that thought, who I would be without it, and integrating projections and loosening up the belief through exploring the various turnarounds.

  • Process Work
    Allowing the process behind the symptom (in this case stress) to unfold, revealing its message and gift, and absorbing this.

  • Shikantaza (sitting practice)
    Allowing it all to unfold within awareness, living its own life as it does anyway. Allowing resistance to even resistance to fall away. Allowing even the fueling of thoughts to unfold within space as everything else.

  • Can I be with what I am experiencing? (daily life)
    Again, allowing it all to unfold within awareness, living its own life.

Network of Beliefs

Again, by doing BK inquiries, it seems clear that most of us function from a network of beliefs. Some are more basic than others, many of them (all?) support each other, and together they form our identity. They tell us what is I and Other.

The most basic belief is in the idea of “I”, creating the filter of I-Other. Then maybe “I am”, excluding nonexistence. Then “I am human”, placing the I on a temporary object in the world, and scaring ourselves with that story. Then all the other ones, such as “I am white”, “I am European”, “I am progressive”, “I am kind”, “I am considerate” and so on, endlessly.

Looking at it, I see that it can be represented in an inverted pyramid with the belief in the idea of “I” at the bottom, as the other beliefs would have problems existing without that one.

And I also see that we don’t have to question and examine every single one of them for this network to unravel. The key ones (the ones most charged for us) take large segments of the network with them, and there is also a natural intelligence here which seems to catch onto the general process and spontaneously applies it to new and other beliefs.

Stories Before Emotions

Through the inquiry lens (and other similar ones), it is clear that beliefs come before emotions. Doing the Byron Katie inquiries, I see that over and over.

I have a belief. A situation comes up which does not match that belief. And there is an emotion coming up inviting me to look at that discrepancy. What is the belief that is out of alignment with what is? I see it, examine it, and it falls away.

Clarity

I went to an intensive with Byron Katie this weekend, with my partner, and was very impressed with: The effectiveness of the inquiry. The depth to which it takes people. The clarity that comes out of it. Its simplicity – both as a process and where it takes people. How she seems to only talk from direct experience, and make it very clear and simple. And how others who engage in inquiry find the same insights for themselves – insights available for anyone, yet often seen as the domain of only a select few.

Rushing Back In

Sometimes when I do inquiry, when there is a big shift in perception, there is also a corresponding energetic shift and also a sense of the whole world rushing back into me.

There is an untying of a knot in consciousness, which seems to be followed by a corresponding untying of an energetic knot.

And the whole world rushing back into me is (as it seems to me) the rushing back of my story of the world. I had it projected out there, and now realize that it is really all about me.

Research

Of the many techniques I am aware of for untying knots, it seems that the Byron Katie inquiries may be among the ones easiest to study. The focus is specific, and the outcome equally specific (the belief in a particular thought falls away, reduced stress, and increased sense of clarity).

It would be interesting to look at…

  • Long and short terms outcomes
    • The longer term general effects of regularly doing inquiry
    • The short-term effects of working on a particular issue
  • In terms of…
    • Self-reported changes
      Standarized tests of stress, addictions, beliefs, empathy, contentment, and so on

    • How others rate the person’s change
    • Changed behavior
      Addictions, relationships

    • Changes in brain activity when attention is brought to a stressful issue, before and after inquiry
    • Energetic changes, for instance measured by pulse changes as in acupuncture (I sometimes notice a significant energetic shift while doing inquiry)
  • Using control groups, maybe…
    • A version of cognitive therapy (surface similarity to this form of inquiry)
    • Empathic conversation and listening
    • Something else?

Presenting Inquiry

We had an introduction to the Byron Katie inquiries yesterday, with about 25 people there, and it brought up the question for me of how to present it…

The obvious is to allow people an opportunity to explore and discover it for themselves, to speak about it only to the extent that seems necessary, and also to speak from personal experience.

A brief outline…

  1. Welcome & brief introductions (5 min)
    • Name, why interested, what hope to get out of it
  2. Brief background (5 min)
    • Byron Katie, discovered it after long period of depression
    • Used by people around the world in different settings (personal and in practice groups, schools, prisons, hospitals, therapy settings)
  3. Typical effects & experiences (10 min)
    • Release from stress
    • Freeing up natural clarity, wisdom, compassion (clouded over by stressful beliefs)
    • What initially seemed very personal is revealed as impersonal/universal
    • Does not take away any of the juice or engagement from life, rather allows it in
    • When getting started…
      • Like learning to ride a bicycle – often takes some time to get into
      • Good to start with issues that are fresh and smaller/medium, to get a taste
      • Helpful to judge others (will come back to ourselves in the end anyway)
  4. About the process (15 min)
    • Brief overview of worksheet and 4 questions & turnarounds
    • Brief demonstration with an experienced person
      • General, easily recognized topic (chosen in advance)
      • Everybody looks within to find it in themselves
    • Q&As
    • Announcements of resources and ongoing/future practice opportunities
  5. Practice (40 min)
    • Smaller groups each led by experienced person
    • Or dyads and experienced people walk around
    • Select fresh and smaller topic (not huge, not far in the past) to get a taste of it
  6. Ending (10 min)
    • Back in large group
    • How did it go? What did you learn? Anything that did not work as well?
    • Q&As
    • Reminder of resources and ongoing/future opportunities

    (Total time: 85 min + 5 min extra, 1.5 hours)

Psychology & Spirituality

No new insights here either, but it is interesting to see the natural convergence of psychology and spirituality. Of course, in Buddhism and other traditions there was never any split. But there has been a split in the western culture, for the last couple of hundred years, and this is now seen as not needed anymore.

One way of integrating is to acknowledge both realms as legitimate and using different techniques for each. Another is to use approaches which in themselves span both the realm of traditional psychology (the psyche, the body/psyche whole, the human self) and spirituality (transcendent).

The Big Mind process is a good example, allowing for untying knots on a personal level and becoming more familiar with the transcendent realm, all in one process. The Byron Katie inquiries is another, again untying knots at the personal realm, allowing the nature of mind to gradually be unveiled. And then there are forms of contemplative psychotherapy, and for instance the Raphael Cushnir approach of being with what is – getting out of the way for the knots to naturally untie themselves and reveal the nature of mind.

Disidentification

In the awakening to selflessness, there is also a disidentification.

This process is also seen in many of the approaches I am exploring these days, including forms of inquiry such as the Big Mind process and Byron Katie’s The Work.

In each of these, there is a movement away from a sense of certain things being personal, private and about me, and towards the same things being impersonal, universal, and about just being human. There is a movement away from a general belief in ideas, taking them as true and accurate, and towards seeing what is true in my immediate experience, and abstractions as just maps of limited and temporary value.

From about me to universal

First, we believe in many ideas – including the idea of I, and it all seems very personal as well – as about me. I may not want to reveal it to others, or even to myself, because it seems to private.

Then, the beliefs erode and are seen through, and it all appears more and more impersonal – as just universally human.

Thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, roles, experiences, realizations, hangups – everything that seemed so personal, are now revealed as impersonal and universal. It is not really about me, although it comes up in my experience now.

In short, there is a disidentification with it. The same content may be there as before, but not identified with.

Intimacy

At the same time, there is a deepening sense of intimacy with whatever happens in the present.

As long as there is a belief in ideas – in a particular identity – I struggle with content, I try to hold onto some of it and push other things away. And this creates a sense of distance and separation to whatever happens in the present, to myself, others and life in general.

When these beliefs fall away – including any particular identity – the struggle also falls away. Everything is now allowed to live its own life, and this opens for a sense of intimacy with what is – with myself, others and life in general.

Peeling the Layers of Beliefs

The first two questions in the Byron Katie inquiries are Is it true? and Can I absolutely know that it is true?

Few beliefs questioned

In the beginning, it may seem that most of our beliefs are true. I believe in it, so it naturally appears true to me.

Personal beliefs questioned

Then, we may go through a phase where certain beliefs are seen as clearly not true, such as my personal opinions. And others are still unquestioned and appear true, such as the ones taken as given in our culture, or by most humans anywhere.

Any belief questioned

Finally, we may realize that any belief is questionable. When sincerely explored, any belief falls apart – it is shown to not accurately reflect our immediate experience. And this goes for even those beliefs taken for granted by most humans – such as I am a man or woman, I am an adult or child, I am a human being, there is I and Other, I experience, something exists, and so on.

This is where Big Mind opens up for us, where we begin to taste the Ground. The most basic identities start to fall away, such as that of a man or woman, a human being, or awareness. The most core beliefs, such as in the idea of I, now seem precarious and begin to erode.

Driven

Another topic that keeps coming up for me…

We can be driven. In Voice Dialogue, Process Work and other approaches, this is seen as something in us pushing us. There is a voice or a figure pushing us. And there is an element of compulsion, obsessiveness, and lack of freedom in this. It is somewhat contracted.

There can be an apparent absence drive. From the Byron Katie inquiries, it can be seen as coming from beliefs holding us back, draining us of energy and passion. In a way, this too is a drive although towards lack of engagement. Or, it can probably also happen in an awakening process where the drive has dropped away and something else has not yet taken its place.

And there can be an absence of drive in a conventional sense, and the presence of engagement and passion. In the awakening process, this deepens as (a) the neurotic drives are seen through and erode and (b) there is a new passion and engagement from the realization of selflessness, of it all as Ground manifesting, and of rehumanizing and deepening compassion.

So when we are caught up in beliefs in ideas, including the idea of I, there can be drive or lack of drive – both with a lack of freedom and a sense of compulsiveness. When these beliefs are seen through, there is a renewed engagement and passion – free from compulsiveness, free from any sense of I and Other. It is just emptiness dancing, the divine mind naturally and effortlessly manifesting throgh and as our human life. There is a sense of ease and simplicity in this, far beyond any conventional ease and simplicity.

In real life, it is of course often more interwoven than this. Drives and awakening may well co-exist in different variations.

Inquiry On Dreams

The Byron Katie inquiries can be used with any stressful thoughts, and I find it especially interesting to use them to explore dream materials. Something happens in a dream, and I can do inquiry on it as if it happened in real life. Dream, real life, movie, or whatever else the format may be – it doesn’t matter. The stressful thought does, because it shows where I am stuck – where I believe blindly, to some extent, in an abstract idea. Where I obscure the clear ground.

My partner woke up from a stressful dream this morning where someone accused her of being a liar because she eats meat, dairy and yams, and that is what liars eat. In the dream she became upset and pushed back, but after waking up she did inquiry and the turnaround, and saw that it is all true. Everything she believes in is – by necessity – a lie, and everything she says is – also by necessity – a lie. Everything any of us say is a lie, because it is an abstraction and incomplete. The world is always more than and different from any abstraction. And she also eats meat, dairy and yams. So it is all true. And when this is seen clearly, the stress goes out of it and gratitude takes its place.

Piece of Hot Coal

In Buddhism (and probably other traditions) they sometimes use the analogy of hot coal.

Believing in the idea of I is similar to holding a piece of hot coal. Both bring suffering. And seeing through the belief, noticing what is really true for us in our immediate experience, is similar to noticing that we are holding the piece of hot coal. In both cases, it is dropped – naturally, immediately, without any trying.

Analogies break down at some point, but it may still be interesting to explore this one a little further. What approaches make sense through this analogy?

Say someone is holding a piece of hot coal. They are not noticing it, or at least not realizing that it brings pain. And in the struggle to get rid of the pain, there may be additional suffering as well.

So how would we help this person recognize that he or she is holding a piece of hot coal?

Ways to help people notice

We can give long talks about how he is holding a piece of hot coal, and how this brings the pain he is experiencing. But the listeners are more likely to listen to the words and try to figure it out than really look – going to their own immediate present experience.

We can use force, beating them up in various ways to make them realize it – or even to make them drop it (as if anyone can without the prior realization of holding it). Again, this would only bring their attention to the beating and the consequences of the beating, not the coal. Also, it is likely to bring up a good deal of (healthy and natural) resistance to the process. And it may just add guilt and shame to the situation.

We can help them with affirmations: I am not holding a piece of hot coal. I am not holding a piece of hot coal. Hot coal is cool and soothing. Hot coal is cool and soothing. These may appear to work for a while, but not for very long. And it is also too transparent: we know there is something there – temporarily covered up by the affirmations – which brings pain.

We may help them explore their past. When did you first experience the pain? When did you pick it up? And so on. It may be helpful, but it is also not as direct as it can be.

We may bring people to exhaustion, so – we hope – they cannot help but dropping the piece of coal. This may work, although the process itself is quite painful.

We can have people regularly sit silently and quietly, bringing their attention to what is already happening – allowing what is into awareness. This may work. It may very well help them notice the hot coal in their hand. But in itself, it may be a long and slow process.

We can have them inquire into their experiences. Where is the pain? What may be the source of it? What happens if you imagine not holding a piece of hot coal?

What works for each person is of course different, but for me – sitting practice combined with various forms of inquiry are most attractive right now.

Inquiries

The Big Mind process, headlessness and the Byron Katie inquiries are some of the many ways to explore how it is to hold a piece of coal, and also have a taste of not holding it.

For instance, in the Byron Katie process…

  • Questions 1 and 2 – is it true, can you really know it is true – asks us if we really do need to hold onto the coal, whether the coal is the belief in the idea of I or any other abstraction. The questions open for the possibility of not holding onto it.
  • Question number 3 – what happens when you hold onto that belief – gets at our experience of holding onto the piece of hot coal. We see the suffering we create for ourselves by holding onto it and how it plays itself out in our life, in detail.
  • Question number 4 – who or what are you without that belief – gives a taste of not holding onto the coal. We see the liberation and freedom in it. The possibility of not holding onto it becomes more real. We see that the consequences of not holding onto it are attractive. And we see beyond holding onto it, and that there is nothing to fear there.
  • The turnarounds helps us see that I am the one holding it. It is not making me hold it. Somebody else is not making me hold it. I am the one holding it.

Study the Self

This is probably the most often quoted phrase from the Zen tradition:

To study the Way is to study the self.
To study the self is to forget the self.
To forget the self is to be enlightened by all things.
To be enlightened by all things is to remove the barriers between one’s self and others.

– Dogen Zenji

Simplicity

The first that comes up for me is the simplicity and clarity in it.

First, we study the apparent self – or rather our sense of self. And we can do this through for instance sitting practice, allowing the mind to bring itself into awareness, and/or inquiry – such as Big Mind, Byron Katie’s inquiries, Headlessness or Atma Vichara.

Then, we realize that the whole sense of self comes from something as simple as a belief in the idea of I. We have glimpses of selflessness, and then emerge more stably into a realization of selflessness. We forget the self by seeing what is really true in our own immediate experience, and this allows the belief in the idea of I to fall away.

The whole world is now revealed as the play of God. Everywhere and nowhere is I. It is Big Mind awakening to itself, while functionally connected with a human self.

And in this, there is no I and Other. No barriers.

Diving into self-centeredness

To do this, we need to fully dive into self-centeredness.

As long as there is a belief in the idea of I, there is a natural and unavoidable self-centeredness.

There is a belief in the idea of I, this is out of alignment with our own (unnoticed) immediate experience, so attention naturally goes to this sense of I. Whenever something is out of alignment, attention goes there to allow it into awareness and resolution.

Typically, this process takes the form of self-protection and functioning with a limited circle of care and concern.

If we dive into it more fully, with intention and some skills, it can unfold into realization of selflessness.

Studying the self

Studying the self can be seen in two ways in this context.

One is studying the sense of I, wherever it is applied. The belief in the idea of I, which creates the whole I – Other dynamic and the identification with a segment of what is. This is the one that leads to a realization of selflessness.

The other is the more conventional study of the self, in this case meaning our human self. How does it function? What are the processes? How can we allow it to heal and mature? How can we fine tune this instrument in the world of form? This is an exploration that takes place before and after realization of selflessness. Nothing changes except the context – first within the context of a sense of self, then within the context of realized selflessness.

Some approaches focus mainly on one of these. For instance, Headlessness and Atma Vichara emphasize mainly the exploration of selflessness.

And other approaches include both. For instance the Big Mind process and Byron Katie’s inquiry process. Both of these allow us to study in finely tuned detail how our human self function, allowing knots to unravel and the human self to mature and function more effectively. And they also bring us to a realization of selflessness. Elegantly, through the same process. Two birds killed with one stone.

If we only focus on realizing selflessness, we may have Big Mind awakened to itself, but functioning through a relatively undeveloped and unhealthy human self.

If we only focus on the human self, we may have a relatively healthy and mature human self, but there is still the inherent dissatisfaction from a sense of separation.

With both, we can function within a context of selflessness, also also allow our human self to continue to mature, develop, heal and explore news ways of functioning in the world of form.

Guidance System

Of all the practices I have explored, it seems that the Byron Katie inquiries have one of the most accurate inherent guidance systems: stress indicating beliefs, then examined through inquiry.

Whenever there is stress, we know that it comes from the belief in a stress-producing thought, which we can then take to inquiry. In this process, we peel off layers upon layers of beliefs, revealing our nature of clarity, wisdom, compassion, effortless effective functioning in the world and selflessness.

In areas where we are still not aligned with what is, there will be stress, helping us to identify another belief and take it to inquiry.

It is a beautiful process, and one that is largely self-directed. It seems that it can take us all the way, through its own guidance system of stress indicating remaining beliefs.

And the inherent joyfulness of the process does not make it all that difficult either. As we inquire into one belief after another, we gain confidence and trust in the truth of our immediate experience and the liberation that comes from seeing our own truth more clearly.

We also gain trust in the ability of the process to self-correct. If we left something out, or went to an idea rather than our immediate experience, life will let us know. If something is left to be seen, stress comes up as a faithful guide pointing the way to yet another belief, waiting to be seen through.

Life is always inviting us to see what is really true for us, in our own immediate experience, and the BK inquiry is a beautifully simple and elegant way to more actively engage in this process.

Relating to Thoughts

Nothing new here, but still something that comes up for me…

As long as we believe in thoughts – or more precisely in abstractions in any form, such as images, memories, models, theories, thoughts and so on – we will experience stress. The world will show up in a way that does not conform with our beliefs in particular abstractions about it, and the discrepancy creates discomfort, uneasiness, and suffering. Our conscious view is out of alignment with what is, and this naturally creates suffering.

And as long as we believe in thoughts, as long as they have a charge for us, we will also experience what we perceive as unwanted thoughts. Thoughts appear because that is their job. They come and go as clouds. And if we believe some of them should not, then they appear as unwanted. We interpret them as intruding, and some of them may even be labeled negative, destructive, pathological and so on.

We use many ways of trying to deal with these thoughts, including developing a strong focus (temporarily pushing them aside), shifting attention (to the breath, the body and so on), therapy, affirmations (trying to replace them with other, more “positive”, thoughts), and so on. But none of these will really work as long as we still believe in the original thoughts. For as long as they have a charge for us, they will show up and want our attention. They will come back wanting resolution. Wanting to be resolved. Wanting to be seen through.

These thoughts are completely innocent. It is only our belief in them, or in our stories about them, that gives them any charge. We attach to them because they appear real, significant, substantial, powerful, accurate and/or true.

And this belief can only hold as long as it is not thoroughly investigated. It is only the unexamined beliefs which stay beliefs and maintain their charge.

When we investigate the beliefs, through the four questions and the turnaround, and explore more in detail what is really true for us in our immediate experience, the belief naturally erodes and falls away. It is seen through. The thought loses its charge. It loses its apparent grip on us. It loses its apparent reality, substance, power, accuracy, significance and truth.

The thoughts are now revealed as what they are – completely innocent questions about the world. And as they have no charge anymore, they come and go as clouds – and with as much (or rather little) impact as clouds passing through the sky. They no longer appear intrusive. No thoughts are seen as positive or negative. No thoughts are any longer pathological. They just are.

In releasing these beliefs, we also uncover the inherent nature of mind – is clarity, wisdom, compassion, love, and effortless effectiveness in functioning in the world. These qualities are what we are, inherently, each one of us, and they are only temporarily covered up by beliefs in abstractions and the consequences coming from that. It never goes away, no matter what the surface phenomena may look like in the present.

Ultimately, we end up seeing through the belief in the idea of I, and even that one falls away, revealing the selfless nature of what is. We discover that we are not exclusively our human self or awareness, but what is – beyond and including any and all polarities. There is only the suchness. Only God. It is all the play of God, and it is all good.

It is good, far beyond even the most appealing and attractive images and hopes painted by any belief.

Absolute & Relative

Listening to Byron Katie dialogues, and also talking with Jen about what we discover about inquiry, the relationship between the Absolute and the Relative comes up again – as usual with a different flavor.

Absolute

The Absolute is the world as it appears when we realize selflessness. We see that all is God, in front of and behind the eyeballs. We realize that Existence is beyond and includes any and all polarities, including that of existence and nonexistence. We see that words split the world, and cannot describe existence as it is when selflessness is realized and there is no I and Other anymore.

Relative

The Relative is the world as it appears when there is the filter of I and Other, whether we believe in it or not. If we believe in it, there is suffering and confusion. If we have seen through it, there is only clarity and this filter becomes a useful tool for operating in the world as a human being.

Byron Katie and the Absolute

Following her awakening, Byron Katie, was quite clearly absorbed in the absolute, and the relative was swept off the map for a while. Then, she had to relearn how to function as a human being, how to come back to using the filter of I and Other, although now in a quite different context – that of selflessness.

Returning to the world

She did this (my story) out of compassion. She saw she could help people if she met them where they are at, which is operating from the filter of I and Other. She saw she could only communicate and function in the world of form if she herself used this filter, now only as a temporary tool. She did it out of compassion for others – to help them, and out of compassion for herself – so she could engage in the world of form.

She is using the filter of I and Other within the context of selflessness, and in knowing that there is really nobody to help – it is all God. All the play of God. Emptiness dancing.

Smaller scale example

I talked with Jen earlier today, and invited her to share her stressful (and other) stories about me. She hesitated as she sees so clearly how all of these stories are about her, not me. She is not capable to have any stories about me. She only sees the turnarounds.

This is quite beautiful. It comes from a clear realization. And it is quite accurate as well.

Yet, sharing her stories about me with me can also help me. It can be an act of compassion. It can help me see my own stories about myself – and her as well. It can help me see my own stories and inquire into them for myself. And this is true whether my stories are similar to hers, or triggered by and in reaction to hers.

None of us are that different. We tend to have similar stories about ourselves and others. And within the same culture, we also tend to share stories about specific individuals, situations and topics. We tend to share our basic 1st generation labelling stories, and – in ethnic/political/value subgroups – share more elaborate 2nd generation interpretive stories as well.

Seeing an overweight person, we tend to think “unhealthy” and have either judgmental, defensive or compassionate stories around it. Seeing a young movie star, we tend to think “successful” and “beautiful” and either judge the cult of that image or ourselves for not measuring up, or both. Seeing Bush, we look at our stories about what he is doing and then elaborate into “liar” or “conservative hero”.

So Jen sharing her stories about me – with me – can be an act of compassion and a great help to me.

And it is a parallel to coming down from the mountain and into the marketplace. Coming from the Absolute and into the Relative, out of compassion for ourself and others.

Inquiry & Organic Unfolding

I don’t know if this is true (it is, after all, only my story), but it seems that inquiry allows for a gentle unfolding.

With many other approaches, it may not be possible to do it “too much” (what would that mean?), but it is definitely possible to do enough for there to be a serious backlash. And that can be quite unpleasant, while also carry some opportunities for insights and maturation.

But with inquiry, I only look at what is true for me (first person singular) in the present. What is alive for me right now? There is a gentle curiosity and receptivity in inquiry, which allows the unfolding to occur in an organic and gently paced way.

Inquiry works with what is already there, just noticing what is already there. Nothing is imposed. Nothing is added. Nothing is pushed.

Unless, of course, something is imposed, added and/or pushed. When that happens for me, I see that it often comes from an idea of a “goal” besides or beyond just seeing more clearly what is true for me in the present. When there is the belief in an idea of a goal – such as relief from suffering, realizing selflessness, being a good spiritual student, being insightful and so on – it brings discomfort. And this discomfort is an invitation to bring this belief itself into inquiry, and see what is really true for me there. Do I really want an abstract goal, however compelling it may seem? Or do I want to see more clearly what is really there, what is true for me right now?

Thoughts as Innocent Questions

When thoughts are believed in, they seem substantial, real, important, meaningful, and so on.

When thoughts are released from beliefs, they are revealed as innocent questions – inquiries into an aspect of the world.

So there may be the thought I am a failure.

If I believe that thought, it seems substantial and meaningful, and it will most likely make me depressed – and cause a range of other responses and reactions in me as well.

If I don’t believe that thought, it just becomes an innocent invitation to inquiry. Am I a failure? Well, it obviously depends on how failure is defined, and it can easily be defined in many different ways. How does my life appear when I examine it filtered through some of these definitions? That can be a quite interesting exploration, allowing for useful and helpful insights.

This insight is just one of the many Byron Katie mentions. And it is one that seems to arise naturally from engaging in her inquiry process over time, at least it does for me. As with any insight, it is temporary and arising during one phase of the exploration process. Next time I look, it may well appear differently. Another layer may have been shed, and something else arises.

Innocence

Byron Katie often says that it is all pure innocence.

This is what we see when we discover ourselves as Big Mind. And I also see that it becomes very clear through the Byron Katie inquiries, at least in my experience.

I see that when there is a belief in a particular thought, it has necessary consequences and these are quite predictable and shows up in similar ways in all of our lives – somewhat modified by the other beliefs they happen to co-exist with.

And I see that as long as this belief is unexamined, it is held onto and acted upon as if it is real, as if it accurately represents reality. As soon as it is examined, as soon as we explore what is really true for us behind it, the belief is seen through and falls away – just as we drop a piece of hot coal as soon as we notice we are holding onto it.

So there is a pure innocence in how it is lived out. And there is a pure innocence in whether we hold onto it or drop it.

There is nothing mysterious here. Nothing malicious. No evil ego holding on to anything or protecting itself. No dubious human nature.

It is all pure innocence. And beautiful in that – although the consequences of unexamined beliefs can appear quite ugly. We only see the beauty in it when our own beliefs start falling away.

Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and I

… we all do the same. We…

  • See our interests threatened.
  • Fabricate evidence to justify war.
  • Act unilaterally.
  • Go to war preemptively.
  • Fight to the bitter end, even while we are loosing.

They did it a couple of times, in Afghanistan and Iraq. I do it daily, within myself.

I perceive the world from a sense of I and Other. See my interests threatened in various situations, through the actions of various people. Fabricate evidence to support my position. Go to war often before anyone else strike. And fight to the bitter end, no matter what the costs are and how it is going.

I see this over and over, through inquiry.

And I see how I am no different from Bush & company. I do exactly what they do, it only appears different to the outside world. I even get the same media coverage, only that this media coverage is in my own mind – playing the current news reels over and over.

In seeing this, I am actually more able to do something about it – when it appears in me and in the outer world. Doing something, without the charge that comes from seeing it only in them, and seeing them as different from me.

Beliefs as Time Bombs

Beliefs are time bombs, waiting to go off.

I have a belief, and it may lie dormant and unnoticed for a long time. Then, a situation comes along which triggers the belief – by not matching it – and the time bomb goes off, in the form of suffering.

Normally, we dread these explosions and do whatever we can to avoid them. Yet, the same bomb goes off again and again, in similar situations.

But with the Byron Katie inquiries, we come to see these bombs as friends. We welcome them in with open arms as they offer us an opportunity to examine these beliefs, allowing them to disarm themselves.

Having them in the ground, armed, is OK. But having them go off, and allowing them to disarm themselves, is even more satisfying. Another bomb goes off, and it is another opportunity to explore more fully what is really true for us behind unexamined beliefs.

Uneasiness in inquiry

I sometimes notice a sense of uneasiness when I do inquiry. Specifically, a sense of tricking myself through it.

When I look in – when I inquire into this feeling – I tend to find that I have a goal in mind beyond discovering what is true for me in the present. I may want to be free from a form of suffering. I may want the outcome of the inquiry to include changed behavior or changed circumstances. In short, there is an aim besides or in addition to simply seeing what is true for me.

So the sense of tricking myself through inquiry is accurate. Initially, it may appear to be around the process itself, that inquiry itself is a form of trickery. But exploring it a little further I see that it is the particular way I am engaging in inquiry that involves trickery.

Seeing this allows me to come back to it in a more sincere way, doing it for just exploring what is true for me in the present.

Talking about inquiry

There are many ways to talk about inquiry.

Guidelines

One is to mention some general guidelines for inquiry which we personally, and maybe others, have found helpful. And that seems very appropriate. It gives others a starting point for exploration.

Sharing experiences

It may also be helpful to share some of one’s experiences with inquiry, especially in terms of the process – how it unfolds for oneself, and maybe even in terms of some content – if it can help others explore similar areas for themselves.

Content

Inquiry is always individual and always unfolding. The path of inquiry looks different for each one, although there may also be similarities among these paths. And it is always unfolding, always peeling off new layers, always revealing something new. The content of inquiry is always particular to the phase and the path, always temporary.

So to talk about the content of inquiry may be helpful if it helps others explore similar areas for themselves. But it is relatively meaningless on it’s own. And it is dishonest (and we know it) if it is presented as any final or absolute truth.

[Initial draft: There is an inherent contradiction in talking about inquiry.

Of course, talking about how to do it – some general guidelines and starting points, is often very appropriate and helpful. And sharing one’s own experiences with it may be helpful, if it helps others explore similar areas for themselves.

But to talk about the content of one’s findings may be less helpful. And there is a good reason for this: inquiry is about each person’s own exploration process, what is true for that person in the present. It is a process, unfolding at its own pace and in its own way. And it is always changing, always peeling off new layers. Any statement of one’s findings only reflects one particular phase of one particular process.]

Have to do it, and have to not do it

I facilitated a process work session with a friend tonight, around her sugar addiction.

Process work session

We followed a step-by-step Process Work framework to exploring addiction and addictive tendencies, starting with her imagining eating sugar and experiences the effects of it in her body and otherwise. She got very tired and heavy, and ended up face-down on the floor, feeling a weight on her. I added to the weight to amplify the experience. We then switched roles, I lying on the floor with a weight on me, and she was the weight – relaxed, not pushing down. Again, we switched and I was a relaxed weight on her and she noticed how comforting it was, and how it helped her connect with the body.

At this point, she experienced neck pain and got up abruptly, reporting that she experienced anger. I realized that this too was part of the process, although was not quite sure to do the final step of the framework or go with the anger. I tried to finish up by asking her if she could find a way to arrive at the same experience of comfort and connection with the body that eating sugar gives. She was obviously distracted, although tried to explore it. In a last ditch attempt at following the framework, I said that what came up for me when I explored it for myself was the comfort in just noticing the heaviness of my body.

She got in touch with her anger again, and poured out a quite amazing flow of insights, beginning with anger at how I want her to get rid of the sugar cravings and continuing into how much pressure it has been for her to feel that she has to get rid of it for so many years, how many plans and strategies she has tried to get rid of sugar cravings and/or stop eating sugar and how stressful it has been, how much guilt that comes from it, and so on.

Having to do it, and having to not do it

After this outpouring, she realized the battle between having to do it (the craving) and having to not do it (the should), the tremendous amount of energy she has spent in that dynamic, and that she want to be done with the whole thing completely.

She realized that the problem was never the sugar, but the struggle within her around having to do it, and having to not do it.

This has been her religion the whole time, since her teens, and she realized that she was finally ex-communicated from this religion.

Afterwards, she was glowing with exitement from realizing this, and the freedom it brought her. She said I cannot wait to be ex-communicated from another one of my religions.

She has been doing the Byron Katie inquiries for a while, and the outpouring was a natural and spontaneous explorations of the four questions and the turnarounds – which we both realized at the end.

For me, it was another reminder of how our struggles often (always?) are between two beliefs. There is a belief in what is (in this case the crawing) and a belief taking the form of the should (I shouldn’t eat sugar), and this creates a battle and suffering.

Inquiry & Empathy

One of the outcomes of examining my beliefs is understanding and empathy – with myself and others.

I see that when I believe in any particular thought, it brings about certain outcomes in many areas of my life – all of which amount to variations of suffering. Listening to others doing their own inquiries, and looking at people in general, I see that these patters seem mostly universal, shared by most or all of us and played out in very similar ways – with a certain unique flavoring in each case.

This means that it is often helpful to inquire into any belief, even if I don’t at first recognize from our my life. It is most likely there, in one form or another.

At the very least, it helps me understand how it is to be a human being believing that thought – it opens for more genuine empathy from having walked in those shoes. In most cases, I realize that I have walked in those shoes myself, even if I didn’t see it at first. And at a minimum, I walked in the shoes through inquiry, through living myself into how it would be for me to have that belief.

Turnarounds

In working with the Byron Katie inquiries, I find that the more turnarounds the better – including turning it from me (if the initial thought is about me) to others. So whether I work on a thought about myself or someone else, I usually find five or six turnarounds, each one shedding light in different ways.

Here is a classic…

I am a failure.

  1. Yes (It seems true, in certain areas of life.)
  2. No (Cannot know for certain that it is true. It is just an opinion. Also, I cannot know that what has happened is not better in a certain way than what I hoped for and expected.)
  3. Believing in that thought, there is… Shame, for not being more successfull – according to my own or society’s standards. Guilt, for not having made better and fuller use of my opportunities. Want to hide my failures from myself and others. Dishonesty in talking about areas where I feel I am a failure – trying to avoid the topic or present it in a better light. Embarrased, especially when with people I see as not a failure in the same way as myself.

    Trying to present myself – to myself and others, as better or worse than I am. Making up stories which either emphasize my failures (to dig into it) or my successes (to compensate), and if they emphasize my failures do so with the aim of either connecting with others, go into self-pity, show how insightful I am, show my degree of self-acceptance and so on.

    If I believe in the thought I am a failure there will always be an attempt at either show myself as better or worse than someone – others, what I could be, what I can be, and so on.

    All of this creates a sense of separation – from myself, others, existence. It brings a sense of alienation, of not being comfortable, not belonging, of being alone.

  4. Without that thought, I would be OK with what is. OK with myself as I am. There would be a deeper sense of intimacy with myself, others, Existence. There would be no need to hide, no need for shame and guilt.
  5. (a) I am not a failure. (Yes, that is as or more true. First, the idea of failure is always relative – and it also implies that we can fail, that we are really in charge of our own life, that we are capable of not doing our best. Second, there are many areas where I have done well or OK also. Third, compared with many, my life is pretty good – others have many reasons for seeing my life as a success compared with their own.)

    (b) My thoughts are a failure. (Yes, that is as true, in at least two ways. When I believe in them they are always a failure – or more precisely bring a certain failure. Unexamined beliefs bring suffering, however subtly. And my thoughts themselves are a failure, because they are always incomplete and inaccurate representations of what is. They are a map, not the terrain.)

    (c) My thoughts are not a failure. (Yes, that is as true. They do their job wonderfully. They present me with an abstractions of the world, which is invaluable in helping me navigating and operating in the world. Without them, I would be lost – not even able to function in the most basic way. Also, when there is a belief in them, they do their job perfectly. They bring about a good deal of suffering which is a nudge for me to inquire into them, to examine them and thus allowing them to be liberated from beliefs.)

    (d) Others are a failure. (Yes, that is as true. Each one of us is a failure in one or more ways, especially as failure is defined by whatever measuring stick we use, and we can always use one that makes us or anyone or any acomplishment into a failure. Even compared to me and using conventional measures, many others are failures in certain areas of life – such as not living a meaningful life, not uncovering what is meaningful for them, not having spare time, and so on.)

    (e) Others are not a failure. (Yes, that is as true as well. Again, the word failure is relative to an arbitrary measure, and it also implies that we can fail. That we somehow are capable of not doing our best in any given situation. And that we are not perfect and complete as we are, as aspects of a whole beyond and including all polarities.)

Trust :: Basic and Conventional

As with so many things, it seems that trust too occurs at many levels.

In – or even after – an awakening to selflessness, a fundamental trust in existence arises on its own. It is all revealed as the ground forming itself into myriad of phenomena, as consciousness, or as God. There is no Other to distrust here.

But there is still the conditioning of our human self, which brings about a mix of trust and distrust. This is not a problem in the context of selflessness, the distrust and hangups and everything else is also emptiness dancing. At the same time, it is also something to work on, in the context of our development, maturing and evolution at human and soul levels.

Meditation is one way to allow this basic trust to sink in at our human level.

And it seems that the many forms of inquiry do the same.

Process Work unfolds the profound wisdom and healing behind what initially appears as a problem. Byron Katie’s inquiry into beliefs does the same, uncovering the gifts within what appeared as a stressful thought. The Big Mind process shows the profound wisdom behind all the ways the mind functions, on personal and transpersonal levels. And a more free-form inquiry, from innocent curiosity into what is happening, seems to unfold the same.

So in terms of the various levels, there seems to be…

Basic trust

A basic trust in Existence – as nondual, consciousness, the many forms of ground, waves on the ocean, the play of God, emptiness dancing.

A deepening trust in existence at our human level, seeing that there is healing within symptoms (Process Work), clarity within stress (Byron Katie), and wisdom within all the ways the mind functions (Big Mind). This is a process that deepens over time, through experience – over and over – with these and other forms of inquiries.

Both of these forms of trust – the transcendent and personal – are basic, not dependent of the specifics of the situation.

Conventional trust and distrust

And then there is the more conventional level of trust and distrust, the discernment, discriminating wisdom. This too deepens and matures over time, through experience. We learn to trust in certain ways and to be cautious in other ways. We learn to trust certain people in certain situations (maybe most), yet remain some caution in other situations.

Coexistence of basic and conventional trust

The conventional level can quite easily co-exist with the deeper level of trust.

It provides an overlay of conventional trust and distrust arising from the specific situation, on top of basic trust in existence which is there independent on the specifics of the situation.

Conditioned and unconditioned

The basic trust is unconditioned in the sense that it is independent of the specifics of the situation. But it is also conditioned – the transcendent trust on awakening, and the personal trust on inquiry and reconditioning (rewiring at our human level).

The conventional trust is always conditioned on the specific situation.

Split Screen

Over the last few days, the contrast between living without a story and from a story has been quite vivid for me – throughout the day.

A situation comes up, and I can see quite clearly how it will play itself out if I attach to and fuel a story about it, and also how it is if there is no story. It is like a split screen, and the choice is usually not difficult given the two different scenarios.

I have engaged more with the Byron Katie inquiries over the last few days, so that may be why this is coming up so strongly now, in real time.

Lila

I have been listening to more audio of Byron Katie facilitating inquiry with a range of people, and am again struck by how clear she is – and the clarity others arrive at through the inquiries.

It is similar to the Big Mind process in that people with little or no background in anything “spiritual” speak like sages – often arriving a deep insights mirroring what is said by gurus, teachers, sages and saints from many traditions and time periods.

Lila

I am also struck by something else: finding peace with what is, through seeing through our stories and allowing the belief in them to fall away, is only possible when we discover lila. That it is all the play of God.

Seeing through our stories, and discovering lila, are two sides of the same coin.

And when we see through even one of our stories, allowing the belief in it to fall away, we have a glimpse of lila. Seeing through another story, there is another taste of lila. And seeing through the story of “I” – as a segment of what is, we arrive fully in a realization of lila. There is the realization that what appeared as our business, is God’s business – and always was.

There is only God. There is no mistake.

Fertile Areas of Beliefs

In doing the Byron Katie inquiries, I find three fertile areas of beliefs…

  • The ones aligned with my conscious views (which I really wholeheartedly believe)
  • The ones I can infer from my actions and responses, which I may believe to a certain extent or parts of me believe, but are not aligned with my conscious views (some of these may be residual beliefs from previous worldviews)
  • The ones appearing in the world, that I may see in others

And each of these offer opportunities for rich explorations and inquiry, opening into clarity as well as understanding and compassion for myself and others.

Often, I may inquire into obviously stressful beliefs – the ones I find from situations that really bug me. But other times, it may just be an apparently innocent thought that catches my interest, or thoughts I see create stress for others, and these may reveal and unravel as much as the obviously stressful ones.

It doesn’t matter where the thoughts appear – in me triggering stress or not, or in others triggering stress or not. They always offer something new to explore and clarify.

V for Inquiry

I watched V for Vendetta Sunday, and thought it was worth the time and money – although maybe not too much more. The theme is certainly relevant (governments with totalitarian tendencies playing on fear), although especially the ending was anti-climatic for me – too much of a one-man show and less emphasis on the role of the people in changing regimes.

It is interesting to note that the theme of the movie is pretty much universal – reflecting totalitarian governments at many times in history. Still, many Bush supporters apparently see it as a specific criticism of the current Bush administration. Maybe it hit a little too close to home? Maybe the rhetoric and strategies were a little too similar to that of the Bush administration? Maybe it could be taken as a mirror rather than an attack?

Going to the BK inquiry group last night brought up some things related to the movie.

Fear of death

In the movie, V takes Evey through a process where she finally looses her fear of death. And in our group last night, one of the participants went through another process on her fear of death – arriving at a place of peace with it. The outcome may be very similar, although the process is – on the surface – very different. One is brutal and uses exhaustion, the other skillful means and detailed belief surgery.

Zen and inquiry

Actually, this is not that dissimilar to the relationship between traditional Zen practice and the Byron Katie inquiries. The outcomes may be quite similar, although one can be grueling and exhausting and the other precise and playful. I have a tremendous respect and appreciation for Zen, although also see how the BK inquires offer a more precise approach for unraveling beliefs – in any thought, including that of a separate self.

Inquiry

Noticing the profound effects in myself of inquiry, and in others who have done it for a while – often far longer than I have, I see how it brings people to where Buddhism, Daoism, Hinduism, mysticism and many other traditions try to lead people.

To a place where they see through beliefs at a deep level, and come to the nature of mind – unfiltered by beliefs, thoughts, ideas. To a place of liberation. A place where the natural and inherent compassion and wisdom of the mind can play unhindered.

It is very impressive. And it all comes from each person’s inquiry, guided by a very simple process that even small children can and do use. There are no teachings, only each person’s inquiry – their own truth guiding them to clarity and liberation.

Projections

I have found working with projections as one of the most useful practices for finding a sense of wholeness on all levels (psyche, mind/body, human self/Existence), a deepening transdual view, maturing as a human being, and for basic sanity.

Whatever I see out there, is also in here.

When I see a quality or characteristic in somebody else, or in nature, dreams or stories, I can ask myself – how does this quality show up in my own life? When am I doing the same?

This helps us dissolve the artificial “I” vs. “other” boundary on all levels of our being. It opens up for a deepening transdual view, and for deepening compassion, gratitude and humility. We see ourselves in others, as well as – eventually – the larger whole we as human beings are all forms within.

From my teens and for several years, working with projections was my main practice. It still comes up, although less frequently and often embedded in the Byron Katie inqury process (the turnaround).

Osho

The topic of projections came up this weekend when I talked with a native Oregonian about the Osho community in central Oregon which went down in a spectacular way in the 1980s. It seems that the whole situation was rife with projections.

The locals projected wildly onto the Rajneeshnians. Osho seemed to have seen himself as special and in a priveledged position. His secretary and followers projected onto others within the Rasjneesh community and the wider community. And so on.

For the locals and the secretary and followers, it was a case of shadow projectios leading to paranoia, power abuse and violence in different forms. For Osho, it seems that he projected his human and flawed sides (which we all have) onto his followers which left him as somehow special and priveledged.

When we make something into an “it” by projecting it out, it will come back and demand our attention. And this is (partly) what happened in spectacular ways with the Osho experiment.