I return to the property I own with my ex and ex-father-in-law. It’s a large British-style estate with several buildings and large park and forested areas. I run into my ex and then move on to a second set of houses to sleep there. On my way, I pass through a large conservatory meant to be used for gatherings. It’s full of stored furniture. A man working there tells me to set up some chairs around a table. I don’t quite understand why, especially since it would involve clearing out space. He seems to think there is something important for me to discover from doing so. I tell him I’ll go to the house, set up there, and maybe sleep, and then do it later. It’s late in the day and I am ready to rest after my travels. He nods. The property is large, and the second housing complex is more than large enough for one person. Although everything has been unused for quite some time and needs some cleaning and clearing, it’s fundamentally in good shape. I realize I am quite wealthy from this property we bought several years ago, and where I haven’t been much.
This reflects several aspects of my waking life, including a large property where I haven’t been for a while and is slightly neglected but still good.
In terms of mirroring me, it seems to point to significant inner resources and structures that have been neglected for a while but are still structurally sound. That’s certainly true as well.
The conservatory is a space between outdoors and indoors, it’s meant for gatherings, and setting up chairs is a preparation for having visitors and groups there. First, I need to clear out old clutter, or at least move all the old furniture to places where they are useful. It’s late and I need to rest first, although plan to return to it.
I am quite wealthy from investments made years ago. In waking life, I am still quite wealthy from all the work I put into art, studies, work, meditation, and learning years ago, even if much if it has been neglected – due to my chronic illness, unstable circumstances, and a “dark night” with a lot of old trauma surfacing.
“Your inner purpose is to awaken. It is as simple as that. You share that purpose with every other person on the planet—because it is the purpose of humanity.” — Eckhart Tolle
This quote is circulating on social media right now. It’s a reminder for me that although ET seems awake enough, I often don’t quite resonate with how he expresses or interprets it.
That doesn’t mean that one or the other is wrong. No story is ultimately completely true. They are all pointers. More importantly, they are all – in this context – medicine for a particular condition.
THE PLAY OF EXISTENCE
I lean more towards seeing existence as play – they play of the divine, God, Spirit, life. Its existence expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways. The play itself is the purpose.
That’s how it seemed to me in the initial oneness shift and within that shift that’s still here, and it’s also aligned with Advaita Vedanta and other traditions that reflect the noticing of others often very clear and insightful.
That means that for some, the purpose is to go deeper into the appearance of separation, and for others, the purpose is to awaken. And if someone is generally on a path of awakening, and happens to for a moment go in the direction of separation, that’s that person’s purpose in that moment, and the other way around.
We are all part of the play of Spirit. Taking it all very seriously is sometimes part of that play, as is recognizing it as play when that’s what happens.
DIFFERENT KINDS OF MEDICINE
The way ET says it seems to be the right medicine for many, so it’s perfect in that sense. ET’s quote may be medicine for someone on an awakening path who needs that confirmed and supported in that particular way.
And the play view may be medicine for someone who has a tendency to go into ideas of right and wrong, or one-sided duality in general, or take it all a little too seriously. (Which, of course, is part of the play too.)
I climb up the ladder to the attic, put my head up into the attic space, and the ladder and everything disappears. I fall through the darkness, look down, and there is a witch with a cauldron looking up at me grinning. I am about the fall into her cauldron to be cooked and eaten.
This is a recurrent dream from childhood.
I climb up the ladder to the attic in my childhood home. It’s a pull-down ladder so it feels rickety and insecure. As soon as my head comes up into the attic and I can see around, everything disappears and goes black. There is no support. I fall. Then, I see the witch grinning up at me. I am about to fall into her cauldron and be cooked and eaten.
Most likely, the witch has to do with unhealthy feminine aspects, from my mother and father, in our culture in general, and, most importantly, in me.
I have explored this in several ways. Today, I am giving it to the divine, and I am doing tonglen with the witch, myself falling, and both of us.
One side of this has to do with setting boundaries towards unhealthy patterns in myself and others. This includes when I see myself engaging in unhealthy patterns. When my mother tried to control me, which she stopped doing early on since I did make it clear it was not acceptable. And when people in my life have treated me in ways that’s clearly not healthy. It’s an ongoing process and I am still learning.
Writing this, I notice some shame comes up. It feels like I am exposing myself too much, which means – surprise – there is still something unresolved in me around this.
Recurrent childhood dreams say something about early – and often deep – patterns in us which may become themes through our lives. That’s why I am taking some time to explore it again now.
I know for certain I will die within a few weeks or months. It’s inevitable.
That’s the dream image I woke up with it. In the dream, there was a moment of shock and dread, some things coming up to be digested, and this gave way to peace. It was a strong and vivid dream.
What’s this about? It may suggest a death of who and/or what I take myself to be. I may be in a process that leads to a loss of familiar identities etc., or my familiar experiential world in general. That fits my sense of the process I am in these days.
Of course, it may not be dramatic. We all die as what we are and are reborn as something else. That’s how it is with everything and everyone all the time.
It also brings up some questions:
What in me may be ready to die so I can live more fully?
If I only had a few weeks left, what would my main priorities be? How would it be to bring that into my life now?
I am exploring self-hatred, unlovable, and so on. Is that what’s about to die, at least in its current form? I am exploring it through (a) seeing that the painful stories are not true, (b) deeply recognizing them as here to protect me and from love, and (c) viscerally noticing the contraction and images/words as being made by what I am (consciousness) and the divine.
Especially viscerally noticing it as consciousness and the divine is important for me these days. It’s easy to do, just needs a shift in attention, and helps some deep patterns in me to shift and align more with the oneness I am and existence is.
If I knew I had little time left, my main priorities would be my connection with the divine, close people in my life, and enjoying daily life.
It’s a beautiful spring day so I went to Frognerparken, sat on my favorite bench under the trees and by the waterfall, read Ambrosial Experiences about people’s experiences with Amma, and made use of a pointer from there (giving memories and everything to the divine). That is one of the things I would do if I knew I had little time left.
I find my perception time fascinating, and my perception of the past and future is a clue to my perception of what my thoughts call here and now.
PAST
Something that happened years or decades ago seems like it happened yesterday, and also as if it happened ages ago. That’s fascinating and perhaps also not so surprising.
My images of the past are just that, images. They are literally imaginations.
I imagine my past and call it memory.
In that way, it feels like yesterday. It’s alive and fresh in imagination.
It also feels like ages ago. It feels distant. Like a dream.
The future is the same. It’s literally imagination. It only exists in images.
FUTURE
I can only find past and future here, in my images here and now.
They are guesses about the future, based on my images of the past and present.
PRESENT
This says something about my perception of what my thoughts call the present.
That too is here in my images here and now, along with what’s here in the other sense fields.
It’s happening with and as what I am. It’s happening within and as the consciousness I am. It’s made out of the consciousness I am. It’s made out of this awake space.
MY NATURE
Any exploration of my perception of (what my thoughts call) the past, future, and present inevitably brings me back to my nature.
It points to my nature as this awake space that forms itself into it all.
It points to my even more fundamental nature of capacity for it all.
A capacity that forms itself into it all – consciousness and all it forms itself into.
GAINING SUBSTANCE THROUGH SENSATIONS
If my experience of the past, future, and present happens within and as the consciousness I am, why does it sometimes seem real and with a substance.
It’s because my mind associates certain physical sensations with certain images of the past, future, and present. The sensations gives it a sense of substance and reality. And the images give a sense of meaning to the sensations.
Since sensations come and go, for anything to appear persistently real and solid, it needs to be associated with persistent sensations. And for sensations to be there persistently, there needs to be contraction, a physical contractions of the muscles.
That’s why issues, wounds, and traumas come with chronic muscle contractions. They depend on them. That’s also why issues, wounds, and traumas can be approaches throughout the mind or the body since they are made up of both.
SEED
The seed for this brief exploration was someone posting a Kanzeon Zen Center event photo from twenty years ago , saying it felt recent and also a very long time ago. That’s my experience too of what happened years or decades ago. When I look at my experience, I can find good reasons for that perception.
I returned to Oslo in the evening Friday May 15, and will be here through May – maybe longer.
This is a continuation of the journal I started when I went to Amritapuri in December, and then London in March and April. As usual, it will be as much a journal of my inner world as my outer. Follow the journal tag to see more articles in this series.
An apology is a good first step when there has been a rift between people. It shows that we understand that our words or actions hurt the other, we are sorry for that hurt, and there is a different way to do it, and we wish to do it differently in the future.
Repair goes further. It’s often needed to more fully restore trust and a sense of safety with the other, and if done well, it can deepen and strengthen the relationship.
Repair includes…
Talking in some detail about what happened so both understand the sequence of events.
Exploring misunderstandings. What did we say? What did we mean? How did we understand the other?
Exploring wounds and reactivity. What was triggered? Where does that come from? How did the wounds and reactivity in one trigger wounds and reactivity in the other? How did it escalate? (If it did.)
Recognizing the dynamic between the wounds in both of us. In most cases, it’s not about you or me, it’s about the dynamic between us.
Recognizing the role of old wounds. What happened is, most likely, rooted in intergenerational and collective wounds. It came from somewhere else. It’s not as personal as it seems.
These steps help shift it out of blame and into understanding. It reveals the innocence in it. (Even if the consequences can be harmful.)
Finding concrete steps we can take next time something similar happens. Agree to make an effort to recognize that it’s starting to happen, and do it differently.
Also, if there is still some charge there, it means there is still more to share, understand, and repair. If there is anything but love and understanding, there still further to go.
I listened to this interview with Eva zu Beck where she mentions finding herself.
FINDING ONESELF
What does it mean to find oneself?
I imagine it can mean a few different things.
It can mean finding a relationship, friends, place, work, and so on that feels like a good fit and home.
It can mean finding and engaging in something deeply meaningful to oneself. (Victor Frankl.)
It can mean doing what makes us come alive. (Howard Thurman.) (This can be slightly different from finding meaning.)
It can mean finding some degree of authenticity in life. (Existentialism, humanistic psychology, etc.)
It can mean learning to meet oneself and one’s experiences with kindness and love. This feels like coming home. (Buddhism, Pema Chödrön, Kristin Neff, etc.)
It can mean finding wholeness as a human being – healing, embracing shadows, and using the world as a mirror. (CG Jung, shadow work, parts work.)
It can mean finding oneself as part of the larger whole. This can be the larger social whole and community, the larger ecological whole, and the larger whole of this universe and existence. (Deep Ecology, Epic of Evolution, Universe Story, Practices to Reconnect.)
It can mean to find ourselves as participants in the evolution of this living system we call Earth and the seamless whole of the universe and existence. We are, by definition, at the leading edge of this evolution and consciously participating in this can be profoundly meaningful, exciting, and humbling. (Thomas Berry, Brian Swimme, Teilhard de Chardin, Sri Aurobindo, etc.)
It can mean to notice our nature, keep noticing through situations and states, explore how to live from this, and inviting our human self to reorganize within this noticing. (Spiritual traditions, Big Mind process, Headless Way.)
Each of these are an ongoing process without any finishing line. Life is always changing. There is always more to clarify, discover, and deepen into.
HAVE I FOUND MYSELF?
Have I found myself?
As usual, the answer may be yes, no, and it depends.
I find myself…
When I meet my experience with kindness.
When I notice and follow my inner guidance and knowing.
When my nature notices itself.
When I use the world as a mirror, and especially when I find in myself what bugs me in someone else.
When I viscerally feel myself as part of the larger whole, this seamless unfolding living planet, and this seamless existence.
When I am consciously part of the evolution of this universe and consciously participate in a certain direction of this evolution. For instance, through the Long Journey Home project and our regeneration project in the Andes.
Through Finca Milagros and the regeneration and food forest project there, which feels deeply meaningful to me.
In some ways, it happens through life circumstances. And mainly, it happens here and now and is an ongoing exploration and process.
I have noticed that people who have Near-Death Experiences (NDES) or other kinds of mystical experiences often describe it as more real than real.
That’s how it is for me too.
MY EXPERIENCE WITH THIS
Sitting here, my nature – this awakeness – seems more real than anything it forms itself into.
This is in contrast to my world as it is here. This room, the music, the sound of the wind, this body, these emotions and thoughts, they all seem ephemeral and dreamlike.
And this awake space noticing itself is immediate and real.
They are obviously not two. They are two aspects of the same. Words can make them sound more separate than they are.
When the initial oneness shift happened in my teens, it was similar although more visceral and less differentiated. All without exception was revealed as God and it was more real than previous waking life. It was a visceral and undeniable experience of it as more real than real.
WHY MORE REAL?
So why does it seem more real?
It’s because it’s more immediate and it is more real.
As described above…
Any content of experience is ephemeral and dreamlike. It’s made of up the same as dreams. It’s the awakeness I am that forms itself into my world, this field of experience. It doesn’t seem quite real, whether we notice all of this or not.
What’s real to us is our nature – as this awakeness. When it notices itself, there is an immediacy and realness there. It’s a coming home. We notice our own nature.
All of this may not be consciously noticed, but the visceral experience is there.
AN ADDITION: MORE FINELY GRAINED
I thought I would go through this in a slightly more finely grained way.
When I say “more real than real” I actually mean two different things.
(a) One is more real than the ephemeral content of experience. That’s described above.
(b) The other is more real than waking life when it’s experienced through separation consciousness.
When we experience through separation consciousness, we are identified with the idea of being something within the content of experience. Usually, a combination of this human self, this physical body, a me, and I, an observer, a doer, and so on. We take ourselves to be that idea, and what that idea refers to. We experience as if we are that. Our perception is filtered through it.
Our perception goes through layers of filters. Our nature – the consciousness we are – is going through a lot of gymnastics in order to make this happen.
When our nature notices itself, it’s far more immediate and direct. And that feels more real.
In both cases, it feels more real because it’s more immediate.
In the first case, it’s because it’s contrasted with the content of experience which appears ephemeral and dreamlike. This is how it appears when our nature notices itself. (This is how it is for me, which is why I used this one above.)
In the second case, it’s because it’s contrasted with the filters of separation consciousness. This is how it is when our familiar state is separation consciousness and we have mystical experiences that give us a taste of our nature.
Note: Sorry for the additional section here. After writing the main part, I realized I had written it more from my own perception and left out the separation consciousness version. I may return to this later and write a more coherent article that take both into account from the start.
For a few decades now, I have explored living with a chronic illness and disability – Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME).
I imagine that some of what I have found helpful for me can be helpful to anyone, especially in our society and culture.
Self-worth. In our culture, we are trained to find our self-worth through achievements and activities. What if we are valuable as we are? What if we have inherent value, just like all life and all beings? What if we are OK and enough as we are?
Pacing. Life has seasons. What if we include those seasons through the day and over a series of days? What if activity is followed by rest? What if we schedule in rest? What if we find restful ways to do our activities?
Body comfortable. How is it to do what I am doing in a little more comfortable way? How is it to find a more restful, enjoyable, and nourishing way to do it?
Ask for help. In our culture, we are trained to be self-reliant and self-sufficient. How would it be to ask for help? What if it’s not a burden for the other? Maybe that person is happy to help, feel useful, and contribute to someone else’s life?
Find an authentic yes or no. When you say yes or no, is authentic? Are you fully on board with it? Is it something you need to say to yourself or the other first? What are you afraid may happen if you say an authentic yes or no? Is it likely to happen? Is it something you can live with?
Find a “yes” or “no” in your body. When deciding to do something or not, how would it be to do this: (a) Say “I can do it if I want, and I want to do it”. Notice how your body responds. Does it relax. Is there excitement? Does it come alive? If so, that may be a genuine yes. Does your body contract? Do you hold back your breath? That may be a no. Then, say to yourself: “I can do it if I want, and I don’t want to do it.” Notice your body’s response. Does it relax or come alive? Does it contract and hold back?
Find meaning. How is it to find meaning in your life as it is? Maybe in connecting with nature? In genuine connection with others?
Find joys in daily life. How is it to find joys in daily life? In what’s already here or what you can easily do? In watching the sun or rain out the window. In the song of a bird. A cup of tea. A delicious lunch. Music. A conversation. Sitting on the terrace.
Making friends with your body. How is it to make friends with your body? As it is? It’s here for you. Every second of every day it’s here for you. It’s doing its best to support your life.
Making friends with your life. How would it be to make friends with your life? As it is? How would it feel? What would change? What stands in the way? What beliefs and identities may stop you? How would it be if they were not there? If you saw through them and they didn’t have a hold on you?
Making friends with your experiences. How would it be to make friends with your experience as it is here and now? The discomfort? Contractions? Anxiety? Frustrations? What if your experience right now is OK? What if it was OK to make friends with it?
Thanking contractions. When I notice contractions in myself – scared parts of me – I thank them. They are here to protect me. They were formed as a way for my psyche to protect me, often early in life. They come from care for me, and love for me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me. Stay as long as you want.
The essence of wants. Take any wish, want, or need. What do you hope to get out of it? What do you hope to get out of that? Continue until you arrive at a simple essence. (This simple essence may turn out to be universal, innocent, and even beautiful.) Do this with many of your wishes, wants, or needs. Is the essence of what you wish for already here? How is it to notice? Also, how can you bring it into your life more? (Adyashanti.)
Needs may be wishes. Is what you think of as a need really a need? Isn’t it really more of a want or wish? If so, how is it to admit that to yourself? (Byron Katie.)
Change “have to” to “want to”. Notice when or if you say “I have to…” to yourself or someone else. How is it to change it to “I want to… because…”? Is that more honest and authentic? How does it feel? (Marshall Rosenberg, NVC.)
Refining goals. I had to let go of some goals and find new ones, more appropriate to my situation and circumstances. That can be painful, although also rewarding. The new goals can be as good as the previous ones, or even better. They can come from more authenticity.
Nourish nourishing relationships. I have let go of relationships that were not so nourishing, and instead nourished – and sought out – more genuinely nourishing relationships. Nourish the relationships that make you come alive.
Nourish nourishing activities. Find, engage in, and prioritize nourishing activities, the ones that make you come alive.
Find connections with the larger whole. We are already part of this living planet and this unfolding universe, although we also live in a culture with a separation worldview. How is it to explore and deepen into these connections with the larger whole? (Deep ecology, Practices to Reconnect, Universe Story, Epic of Evolution, lived cosmology, EcoSpirituality, etc.)
Question and see through the shoulds of our culture and civilization. We live in a culture that has a strong domination element, and that’s hard for all of us. What are these shoulds? Where do they come from? What do they do with us, as individuals and society? Who or what do they serve? What are some alternatives? How would it be to bring those into my life and live from them?
One way I see CFS/ME is as a correction to our mainstream culture with its emphasis on productivity and finding value and identity through work. In this culture, more is better. Work hard and play hard. There is a one-sidedness here, and the world of CFS/ME is a correction to this one-sidedness. It’s a way for life to balance it out. There are important lessons from the world of CFS/ME for the rest of society.
Writing this, I am also reminded of good enough. With my brain fog and fatigue, it’s difficult for me to take in information and also to write. I forget. I can’t find much flow. It’s difficult for me to read over to edit. And that’s OK. It’s good enough, at least for now and for this article and this purpose.
I decided to create a new series of posts on shorter personal notes. These will overlap some in topic with my ongoing journals.
Baffled by others when I don’t need to be
I sometimes lean into feeling baffled by others and the world. And behind that is a sense of superiority and arrogance.
I tell myself I am baffled, and part of me feels baffled. At the same time, I know very well some reasons why they behave as they do. So why do I sometimes lean into the bafflement? Very likely so I can feel superior and better about myself. I create a sense of distance to feel better about myself.
Of course, it doesn’t really work.
When I notice bafflement and a tendency to lean into it, I can remind myself that it comes from a wish to feel better about myself. It’s not a good look. It’s not necessary.
I can instead lean into a more mature side of me that does understand some of the reasons why people behave the way they do. (At least, some likely reasons. I cannot know for certain, of course.)
This more mature side of me also knows that the world is my mirror. I can take any story I have about them, change it to be about myself, and find genuine and specific examples of how it’s true.
I have written about my before-incarnation flashbacks before, and thought I would revisit it briefly.
FLASHBACKS
As a child, I would have flashbacks to the time before this life. They would typically come when I was out and alone on a sunny day and the sun filtered through the leaves, especially of the tall birch trees on the west side of the house.
These flashbacks were to a time before this life. I didn’t have body, all was golden light, and there was a profound sense of being home, and a profound sense of love and the presence of wisdom. It felt like my real home.
REFLECTING ON IT LATER
I don’t think it never occurred to me to mention it to anyone. I wouldn’t have found the words and it couldn’t be touched by words. It so clearly didn’t belong to this life so I must have suspected they wouldn’t relate. It also didn’t occur to me that it could be connected to the little I heard people say about God, religion, and so on. That seemed very abstract, and this was so far from abstract.
The description above was the aspects of it I was consciously aware of at the time. Looking back, I can say a few more things about it. Everything was consciousness. It was all golden light. There was that profound sense of home, love, and wisdom. It was a lived oneness that was not consciously reflected on.
At the same time, there was a kind of center and “me”. There was a sense of timelessness, and of time passing in the far distance somewhere.
There was not even the slightest hint of wanting or needing anything.
LONGING
Later in childhood, I would often wake up with a deep sense of longing and I didn’t know what it was for.
This was a longing that could not be touched by anything in my life at the time, not even my favorite things: Bread with strawberry jam, drinking hot chocolate, reading Carl Barks stories, reading favorite books (Hardy Boys, Jules Verne, Sherlock Holmes, etc.) , being with my parents or friends, being out in the garden, and so on.
ONENESS SHIFT
At age sixteen, I walked along the gravel path to my parents’ house, looked up at the star-filled night sky, a big wind blew threw the landscape, and there was a sudden shift. Everything without exception was revealed as God, as the divine, as Spirit. Everything is God expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself as that, including this human self and any sense of being a separate individual.
This came with a huge influx of energy (felt like high voltage going through regular housing wires), insights, and inspiration for music and art. The intense part of this process lasted for several years, well into my mid-twenties.
The shift itself never went away, although there is still a lot to clarify, deepen, mature, and so on related to it.
EFFECTS ON MY LIFE
What effects have these flashbacks had on my life? It’s difficult to say for certain, but I have a sense of what they are.
I was very interested in parapsychology – and also ghosts, UFOs, and similar – as a kid and in my teens. I was interested in what was slightly outside of the conventional world as it was presented to me. That may come from a knowing that there is more than what our culture presents as reality.
I rejected Christianity and religion early in life and became a self-professed atheist in elementary school. Christianity, as it was presented to me, seemed naive and one-dimensional. They asked me to pretend that something is true that I can’t check out for myself. It all seemed like second- and third-hand information and escapism.
I also love life and am in awe of this life and universe. I feel I am a brief visitor here (which we are, no matter what) and wish to make the most out of it.
Since early in life, it has felt like my real home is what I had those flashbacks to. This is just a temporary visit.
I have been fascinated by Near Death Experiences (NDEs) since childhood, likely because they remind me of these flashbacks. The essence is the same, although the details are different. It seems that the effects the flashbacks has had on me is also similar to the effects NDEs tend to have on people’s lives.
IMAGINING INTO IT
I did regression therapy in my early twenties. The intention was to go back into past lives, but I instead ended up in this time between lives. There were twelve beings there, immensely wise and loving and without a body. We all existed within and as the consciousness that was all there is.
They showed me this incarnation and asked if it was OK for me. I said yes but meant no. I really didn’t want it. They showed me that I would be part of an important transition for humanity, a small but important part like many (millions?) of others. Whether this was a kind of memory or imagination, it felt meaningful.
MY TASK – TO FIND IT HERE AND NOW
In the oneness shift, it was clear to me that this is what the flashbacks were about. This oneness I am and always are, whether it’s consciously noticed or not. The essence of the flashbacks and the oneness shift is oneness. That’s home. That’s my nature.
My sense is that my task in this life – or, at least, the task I am giving myself – is to keep finding it here and now, explore living from and as it, and inviting my human self to reorganize within it.
My task is, in a sense, to bring Heaven to Earth. To notice heaven here and now. To bring it in – through noticing and living from that noticing of my nature, to meet my experiences with kindness, and so on.
CURRENT EDGE OF EXPLORATION
These days, it’s easy for me to notice all as one and consciousness, and that the consciousness I am and everything is forms itself into this always changing field of experience. It forms itself into my world.
At the same time, there are still habitual patterns that I sometimes get caught up in, patterns formed from separation consciousness.
That’s why it’s helpful for me to notice what my personality doesn’t like – including contractions in my body, discomfort, reactivity, and triggers in the wider world. And then notice what they are made up of – awake space, consciousness, the divine.
I am exploring viscerally noticing it as this awake space, as the divine taking that form too, and inviting my human self to reorganize within that noticing.
THE PERSONAL AND UNIVERSAL
Why do I write about this?
I share because I assume there is something universal in all of my experiences. I assume something similar has happened to some or many others. And like me, they may not talk about it much – if at all – with others.
It makes it worth putting it out there to say that (a) this can happen and it’s part of the human experience, (b) it’s likely not that unusual, (c) you are not alone if this or something similar has happened with you, and (d) it says something about our nature and what we can find here and now.
Since I am doing a lot of archival work these days, both in my external and inner life, it came to me to revisit this. See below for what ChatGPT has to say about it.
In an awakening process, it’s common to – at some point – experience waking life as a dream. Our human self can initially respond to this in different ways, and it does become ordinary over time.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS
I assume that a common experience on the awakening path is to recognize the dreamlike nature of reality. The world seems dreamlike. This is something specific and clear, and it’s relatively easy to understand why we have this experience.
Whether we notice or not, our nature is consciousness. We are, in our own experience, consciousness, and the world – as it appears to us – happens within and as the consciousness we are. The consciousness we are forms itself into this whole field of experience which includes this human self, anything associated with this human self (thoughts, emotions, states, identities, identifications), and the wider world.
Dreams happen within and as the consciousness we are. That’s something most of us notice. What fewer consciously notice is that waking life does too. All our experiences, whether asleep or awake, happen within and as the consciousness we are, whether we notice or not.
That’s why, when we notice our nature (when our nature notices itself), reality can seem dreamlike. We recognize that waking life is just like dreams. They all happen within and as this awake space we are.
This can be slightly disturbing to our human self, or not. In either case, it becomes ordinary over time.
MY EXPERIENCE
For me, the dreamlike nature of reality came to the foreground in two phases.
First, when I was fifteen, the world – just about all content of experience including thoughts, feelings, etc. – went far away. Identification was only left in the observer, which was one part of the content of experience. Everything felt dreamlike and it was very disturbing to this human self.
Then, a year later, there was a shift into oneness and everything was revealed as consciousness. Or, as I thought of it then – and still find valid – everything was revealed as Spirit, God, including this human self and anything associated with this human self. In other words, everything is dreamlike. What before had been disturbing was now beyond amazing to this human self.
These days, the dreamlike nature of reality is still noticed and unavoidable, and this human self and psyche are more used to it. It’s a lived-in world at this point, and still as amazing.
Why does reality have a dreamlike nature? It’s because, to myself, I am consciousness, and the world to me happens within and as the consciousness I am. To me, the world appears as if made of consciousness.
And I assume it’s like that for you too, whether you notice or not.
A FEW MORE NOTES
As usual, there is a lot more to say about this.
The world may have a dreamlike nature, and I still need to be a good steward for my own life. For my own sake, and for the sake of others – dreamlike as they may appear – I need to be a good steward and treat others as I would like to be treated.
There are many ways to understand this shift into oneness and the noticing the dreamlike nature of reality. Some may, as I do here, understand it from a first-person perspective and not draw conclusions about the nature of reality itself. (Small understanding of awakening.) Others may draw conclusions about the nature of reality and assume existence itself IS consciousness. (Big understanding of awakening.)
There is another sense in which waking life is similar to dreams for me. When I work with dreams, I see everyone and everything in the dream as representing parts of me. I do the same with waking life. I use the world as a mirror. I can take any story I have about anyone or anything, turn it to be about me, and find genuine and specific examples of how it’s true.
THE PERSONAL AND UNIVERSAL
Why do I write about this?
I share because I assume there is something universal in all of my experiences. I assume others have similar experiences and explore this in a similar way.
It makes it worth putting it out there to say that (a) this can happen and it’s part of the human experience, (b) it’s likely not that unusual, (c) you are not alone if you experience or notice something similar, and (d) it says something about our nature and it’s something we can intentionally explore.
Note: I wrote the second section first, in January this year. I later found it among many unpublished posts and decided to publish it with some additions.
This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be made into a regular article in time.
APRIL 19
WINE, NOT LABELS
I like the wine and not the label.
– David Rose (Dan Levy) in Schitt’s Creek
This is a healthy and mature approach to people and relationships. It’s about the person, not the label.
In life in general, it’s about the person and not the label. We are all far more than and different from any label, and any of the labels others and we put on ourselves.
At the same time, with romantic relationships and sexuality, we are drawn to different things. In this case, he is pansexual, and that’s beautiful. When it’s embraced, it’s free and unbound by categories.
I attended a Zoom talk this morning about Tibetan dream practices. The host mentioned exploring projections in daily life and also in dreams.
This brought up some curiosity again about different kinds of projections.
1. PROJECTIONS IN CASUAL SENSE – “THAT’S ABOUT YOU“
Although the term comes from psychology (Freud & Jung), it’s also used in daily life these days.
In casual language, projections is typically used when what we see in someone else is not there. It’s a fantasy or we are talking about ourselves.
I am infatuated by someone, and my friends see the person very differently. I am upset by someone’s actions, and others see that it really describes me.
That’s insightful enough. Although there is a fuller and more inclusive way to see it.
2. THE WORLD IS MY MIRROR – PSYCHOLOGICAL UNDERSTANDING
In a psychological context, the world is my mirror.
Whatever I see in the wider world is also here in me.
TURNING MY STORIES AROUND
I can take any story I have about someone or something, change it to be about me, and find specific and genuine examples of how it’s true. This goes for literally anyone and anything – people in my life, public people, fictional characters, dream figures, non-human beings, landscapes, and so on.
Of course, I won’t live out everything in the same way as others do. But I can find the same characteristics and dynamics here in me and my life and actions.
CHARGE
When my view of someone or something has a charge, that’s usually a sign that the projection is blind. I see it out there and not also in myself.
When I recognize it in myself, the charge tends to soften and dissipate.
The charge is like a glue, it glues my attention to what I don’t yet recognize in myself. It’s life saying “take a look at this, and see if you are that too”. It’s an invitation from life to find what I see out there also in here.
I AM AS RICH AS THE WORLD
I am already as rich as the world. The more I find in myself what I see in the world, the richer my experience of myself is. I limit myself less with exclusive identities or shoulds. I am more open and my life is richer and more fluid.
Any one identity soften and all of them have some validity for me. I live more from both/and instead of either/or.
My sense of belonging in the world deepens. I recognize myself in others and the world. The sense of WE and US widens and deepens.
I more easily recognize myself in others, which opens for a more genuine empathy. There is less room for blind judgment, and more understanding and recognition. (Which doesn’t mean harmful actions are OK.)
3. MORE FUNDAMENTAL PROJECTIONS
This psychological understanding of projections is rich and important, and there is another understanding that’s more fundamental.
We can explore this in two steps – first in the form of dreams, and then in the form of our world.
3a. DREAMS AS A PROJECTION – A HINT
We can see dreams as a projection. It’s a world created by the consciousness I am.
It’s projected similar to how a projector projects a movie onto a screen.
Of course, within this more fundamental projection is the world as a mirror projection.
Everyone and everything in the dream represents parts of me. The consciousness I am wouldn’t be able to create it if I wasn’t already it. If the dynamics and characteristics were not already here and familiar to me.
This more fundamental projection is a hint for an even more fundamental projection.
3b. MY WORLD HAPPENS WITHIN AND AS WHAT I AM
If my dreams are projected, maybe that’s the same with my world?
WHO & WHAT I AM
In one sense, I am this human self in the world. That’s how I appear to most others, and it’s what my passport says.
And yet, when I look, I find I more fundamentally am something else. I am what my world – this content of experience – happens within and as. I am what a thought may call consciousness, and the world to me happens within and as the consciousness I am.
Here, this human self becomes part of the world. He is part of the content of experience, just like anything else. He lives his own life. He happens on his own, just like everything happens on its own.
A PROJECTED WORLD
My world is, in a sense projected. We can use that word since it’s similar to how a movie is projected onto a screen.
A DREAMLIKE WORLD
This is also why my world seems dreamlike. It happens within and as what I am, just like my night dreams. It’s made of what I am made up – awake space, or what we may call consciousness.
BEING A GOOD STEWARD
This doesn’t mean that this world is not “real”. It’s definitely real to me, just like dreams are real to me as they happen. It’s not a reason to live recklessly or irresponsibly. I still need to be a good steward of my life, to the best of my ability. That’s part of the game.
ALL TOGETHER – RICHER
I enjoy all of these ways of talking about projections. Each one has some use and validity, and together, they create a richer understanding of my world and experience.
ONGOING EXPLORATION
Also, each of these is an ongoing exploration. It’s something to notice here and now, and make use of here and now.
Sometimes, I may see something in someone others don’t see, and that may be a sign I am caught up in a fantasy or talk about myself and not them.
I can use the world as my mirror. What stories do I have about others and the world? What do I find when I turn it to myself? Can I find specific and genuine examples? How is it to notice that? How is it to take it?
I can notice how my world is dreamlike. It happens within and as what I am. It happens within and as the consciousness I am. What I am forms itself into all of it. How is it to notice this? How is it to live from this noticing, here and now?
A CAVEAT
There is a caveat here, which is why I usually don’t use the word ‘projection’ in the more fundamental sense.
When we use the word ‘projection’, we usually have an image of something that’s projected by something onto something else. That doesn’t really fit here.
A dream isn’t really a projection in that sense. It happens within and as the consciousness I am. It’s the consciousness I am forming itself into a dream and all the content of the dream.
In the same way, my world isn’t projected. It’s what I am forming itself into my world. It’s all happening as one.
Still, some do use the word in this way. If I am to explore different kinds of projections – or different ways the word can be used – then it’s fine to include this as one form of projection. At least in this one article!
HOW THIS IS FOR ME
This was all undeniable within the initial oneness shift in my teens.
I could see that my world – all of existence – happens within and as the consciousness I am.
I could see that what this psyche sees in others and the world is also here. At my human level, the world is my mirror. (This is partly why I got so deeply into Jung in my teens and early twenties.)
I have continued to notice and explore those two. And I feel I am just scratching the surface.
I notice that my world happens within and as what I am, and yet I don’t fully life from and as it through all kinds of states and life circumstances and situations. Many parts of me, many subpersonalities, were formed within and still operate from separation consciousness. Even when more dormant, these color my experience and life, they sometimes surface, and I sometimes get caught up in them.
I also sometimes get caught up in blind or – more often – semi-blind projections. I see the charge and glue I have in relation to someone or something, and recognize it as a sign of projection. And I may not immediately and viscerally be able to find it in myself and deeply take it in. That takes more work and often time.
I asked ChatGPT for an article on global ecological overshoot, and gave it quite a few pointers for what to include. See below.
See also additional texts on how we each participate in the evolution of humanity and Earth, economic systems aligned with ecological realities, a text written in an imagined regenerative civilization 300 years from now, and a letter of gratitude from that time.
Global Ecological Overshoot
A Larger Perspective
We are not visitors on Earth, nor beings standing outside nature. We are one expression of Earth’s own unfolding: a species through which this living planet has developed reflection, symbolic thought, technological power, and the capacity for both destruction and care. Our societies, cultures, economies, and choices are all taking place within the larger seamless system we call Earth.
In that sense, humanity is a kind of experiment within Earth’s long evolution. Through us, this planet is exploring what consciousness, memory, technology, domination, care, and deliberate transformation can become. Each of us participates in that experiment. Each choice, each institution, each community, each act of extraction or regeneration becomes part of the larger pattern. We are local expressions of a deeper living process, and each of us helps shape what happens next.
That perspective does not make the crisis smaller. It makes it more meaningful. The question is not only whether our present systems can continue. They cannot. The deeper question is whether humanity can become a wiser expression of Earth’s unfolding—whether this experiment in civilization can move from overshoot and domination toward a more mature form of participation in life.
Before Agriculture: A Different Orientation
Before agriculture, human beings generally lived in more direct relationship with local ecosystems. These societies were diverse and should not be romanticized, but many seem to have lived with a more immediate awareness of dependence on land, water, animals, plants, and seasonal cycles. Survival depended less on large-scale control of ecosystems and more on skillful participation within them.
In many such cultures, and in many indigenous and traditional cultures that still preserve aspects of this orientation, the world was experienced less as inert matter and more as alive, relational, and meaningful. Humans were not separate from nature, but part of a larger web of life. That older partnership orientation cannot simply be copied today, but some of its qualities remain deeply relevant: reciprocity, restraint, reverence for life, local ecological knowledge, respect for limits, and a felt belonging within a living Earth.
These older and still-living strands of human wisdom can help inspire what a future regenerative civilization might be: a civilization aligned with ecological reality, grounded in reciprocity and restraint, and organized in deeper partnership with life and Earth.
The Civilizational Shift
Agriculture, Surplus, and Durable Power
The agricultural revolution did not make overshoot inevitable. It made many important things possible: settlement, continuity, cities, writing, and long cultural memory. But it also transformed the structure of human life. Surplus could now be stored, counted, taxed, defended, and seized. That made it possible for power to accumulate and remain concentrated over time.
Once surplus could be controlled, durable hierarchies became easier to maintain. Class divisions, territorial control, large states, standing armies, and systems of command could stabilize around the management of land, labor, water, and food. Agriculture did not create domination by itself, but it made large-scale domination far more structurally possible.
From Hierarchy to Domination Culture
Over time, this fed into what can be called domination culture: a way of organizing life around hierarchy, expansion, concentration of power, extraction, and the treatment of land, animals, and often people as resources. Land increasingly became something to control, simplify, own, and exploit. Forests became timber reserves. Rivers became irrigation systems. Animals became units of production. Human labor could be organized at much larger scales.
This was not true everywhere in the same way, and partnership-based traditions persisted in many places. But the broad arc of dominant civilization increasingly moved toward management, accumulation, control, and disembeddedness from the living systems on which it depended.
Separation and the Myth of an Infinite Earth
The Worldview of Separation
Modern industrial civilization radicalized this trajectory. It rests on deep assumptions: that we are fundamentally separate from nature, that the Earth exists primarily for human use, that natural systems are effectively inexhaustible or replaceable, and that growth can continue indefinitely. In practice, our systems behave as if they exist on an infinite Earth.
This worldview has been shaped not only by economics and empire, but also by strands of religion and philosophy that placed the sacred outside the world, imagined humans as fundamentally above or apart from the rest of life, or treated Earth mainly as a stage for human salvation and use. These themes were never the whole of religion, and many spiritual traditions also preserved deep reverence for life and participation in a living cosmos. But where religious imagination reinforced hierarchy, human exceptionalism, and distance from the living world, it helped support the wider logic of domination.
Systems Built on Separation
This worldview is built into nearly everything. The economy treats forests, soils, rivers, minerals, and oceans as inputs. Production systems assume endless extraction and somewhere else to dump the waste. Food systems simplify ecosystems into production zones. Political systems reward short-term gain and systematically discount long-term ecological reality. Fossil fuels then gave this entire arrangement extraordinary power, allowing industrial civilization to push beyond many local limits and turn overshoot into a planetary condition.
What we have built is, in effect, an overshoot civilization: a civilization organized around drawdown rather than regeneration, around expansion rather than balance, and around the illusion that human systems can remain healthy while the living systems around them are degraded.
Overshoot Is the Larger Frame
Climate change is one expression of overshoot, but only one. The larger problem is that civilization is consuming the living foundations of its own existence. Even major progress on emissions would not solve overshoot if humanity continued destroying soils, exhausting freshwater, overfishing oceans, eliminating species, and converting diverse living systems into simplified extraction landscapes.
Overshoot is the wider frame because it reveals the common pattern beneath many crises. The pattern is a civilization organized as though it were exempt from ecological law: entitled to unlimited drawdown, endless expansion, and the degradation of the very living systems that make its existence possible.
Why So Many Seem Unaware
It Is Hard to See
Overshoot is often difficult to perceive directly. Supermarkets may still be full. Water still comes out of the tap. Electricity still flows. The damage often shows up first somewhere else: in a distant forest, fishery, wetland, aquifer, coral reef, or species population. Overshoot is real, but it is often delayed, displaced, and hidden from everyday perception.
It Is Hard to Interpret
Modern systems are remarkably good at concealing ecological drawdown. Global trade allows wealthy societies to import the ecological capacity of distant regions. Fossil fuels temporarily compensate for declining local fertility or scarcity. Debt allows societies to consume now and defer costs into the future. Technology can create the impression that limits have been overcome, when they have often only been postponed, outsourced, or obscured. A society can therefore look prosperous even while undermining its own foundations.
It Is Hard to Think
Modern culture normalizes overshoot. It is shaped by the assumption that more is better: more production, more infrastructure, more extraction, more consumption, more growth. Economic expansion is treated not merely as a tool, but as a civilizational good. At the same time, public discourse tends to fragment reality into separate issues—climate, biodiversity, pollution, water, food, waste—rather than seeing them as interconnected expressions of a larger overshoot dynamic.
Overshoot is also a genuinely difficult systems problem. It involves population, consumption, technology, agriculture, trade, economics, power, and worldview. Many people and institutions are not well equipped to think in that integrated way. It is easier to focus on isolated symptoms than on the larger metabolism of civilization.
It Is Hard to Bear
To take in overshoot fully is to confront the possibility that the basic trajectory of modern civilization is self-undermining. That can evoke fear, grief, guilt, helplessness, denial, or numbness. People often retreat into narrower frames that feel more manageable: carbon alone, recycling alone, technology alone, or individual consumer choices alone.
It Is Hard to Act On
A full recognition of overshoot raises deeper questions about wealth, empire, growth, inequality, consumption, and the legitimacy of current institutions. Existing power structures therefore benefit when the crisis remains fragmented, softened, or partially hidden. If the whole pattern were widely seen, the demand for civilizational transformation would become much harder to contain.
It Is Not the Kind of Threat We Evolved to Notice Easily
Human attention is often drawn more strongly to immediate, visible, local dangers than to slow-moving, cumulative, systemic ones. Overshoot rarely arrives as one single event. It often unfolds as gradual depletion, weakening resilience, and compounding stresses that only later become unmistakable.
What Is Actually Needed
What is needed is not just better policy or cleaner technology. What is needed is a transition from overshoot civilizationto regenerative civilization.
A regenerative civilization would be a civilization aligned with ecological realities, living within limits, restoring the living systems it depends on, and organizing itself in deeper partnership with life and Earth.
A Transformation of Worldview
This requires a different understanding of who we are and where we live. The worldview of separation must give way to one of participation, interdependence, reciprocity, limits, and belonging. Humanity is not outside the biosphere, managing it from above. We are one expression of it, dependent on its health at every level.
This is where the older partnership orientation becomes relevant again. The point is not to copy pre-agricultural life, but to recover and reinterpret some of its deeper wisdom: that the Earth is not a warehouse of resources, that life is relational, that limits are real, and that a good human future must be embedded in a larger living whole.
A Transformation of Systems
That shift in worldview must take institutional form. It requires a reorganization of our systems of economy, production, food, water, energy, materials, waste, transport, settlement, and governance. These systems are currently built on the assumptions of separation and the fantasy of an infinite Earth. They need to be redesigned around regeneration, resilience, sufficiency, long-term stewardship, and respect for ecological limits.
Without both levels of change, inner and outer, worldview and systems, the crisis will continue. A civilization built on separation will keep reproducing that separation in its institutions.
Likely Scenarios for the Coming Decades
There will not be one universal human response. Different regions will respond differently, and different subcultures within the same region will respond differently too. Some wealthy regions may preserve relative stability for a while through stronger institutions, imported resources, and technological buffering. Other regions may face earlier breakdown through drought, crop failure, debt, conflict, or political fragility.
Within the same society, some groups may become more authoritarian, exclusionary, and committed to preserving privilege. Others may move toward mutual aid, ecological restoration, local food systems, and lower-consumption forms of life. Some may cling to denial or fantasies of technological rescue. Others may accept limits and reorganize around resilience, stewardship, and place.
The most likely broad pattern is neither a smooth green transition nor immediate extinction. It is more likely to be an era of uneven descent: disruption, simplification, conflict, adaptation, and partial transformation unfolding differently across regions, classes, and cultures.
Four Broad Pathways
Fortified Overshoot
In this pathway, enclaves of privilege try to preserve order and consumption through borders, surveillance, militarization, and sacrifice zones. Ecological decline continues, but its costs are externalized onto poorer populations and regions.
Chaotic Unraveling
In this pathway, breakdown outruns coordination. Ecological, economic, and political stresses interact faster than institutions can respond. Food and water insecurity grow, infrastructure degrades, and social trust erodes.
Adaptive Simplification
In this pathway, some societies consciously reduce throughput, relocalize food and energy systems, restore ecosystems where possible, and reorganize around resilience rather than perpetual growth.
Regenerative Transition
In this pathway, some societies recognize that overshoot is not merely a technical problem but a crisis of worldview and civilization. They begin laying the foundations for regenerative civilization: more place-based, participatory, ecologically literate, and aligned with the realities of a living planet.
The Harder Possibility: Severe Population Decline
Overshoot may lead not only to hardship and regional collapse, but to a dramatic reduction in human numbers over time. The sequence could unfold across gradients: mounting instability, regional breakdown, cascading systemic failures, severe depopulation, and, in the most extreme case, possible human extinction.
That most extreme outcome should not be dismissed out of hand. But the more likely danger is a long era of interacting crises that greatly reduce human numbers and sharply contract the scale and complexity of civilization.
If Some of Us Survive
If industrial civilization contracts but humanity survives, the future may belong to smaller, more regionally rooted societies. These would likely be much more constrained by local ecological reality and much less able to depend on vast global systems of extraction and transport.
Some may become neo-feudal, militarized, and harsh, with power concentrated around land, water, weapons, or remaining infrastructure. Others may develop more partnership-based forms, drawing on both ancient human patterns and surviving cultural wisdom: local democracy, distributed power, reciprocity, ecological restraint, practical knowledge, and a deeper felt sense of belonging to place.
If survivors understand overshoot clearly, they may build cultures with strong taboos against overuse and institutions designed to protect watersheds, soils, forests, and biodiversity. They may preserve some knowledge from industrial civilization, but only what can be maintained under lower-energy conditions and within ecological limits.
In the best case, the long human future after overshoot would not be a simple return to the past, but the emergence of a new kind of society: perhaps more modest materially, but ecologically wiser, culturally deeper, and more consciously rooted in partnership with life. That too would be a form of regenerative civilization, shaped under harsher conditions but more aligned with the realities of a living planet.
The Essential Point
Global ecological overshoot may be the most important issue facing humanity because it is the wider frame that contains so many other crises. It is about population, yes, but also about worldview, power, food, water, energy, waste, production, and the civilizational logic that ties them together.
Before agriculture, human beings often lived with a more immediate awareness of belonging to the living world. With agriculture, and especially with the rise of hierarchical civilizations, humanity increasingly moved toward stored surplus, concentrated power, control, accumulation, and domination. Fossil-fueled modernity turned those tendencies planetary. Now the consequences are converging.
The real question is whether humanity can move from overshoot civilization to regenerative civilization. That would mean a profound transformation in both how we understand ourselves and how we organize collective life: from separation to participation, from domination to partnership, from extraction to regeneration, and from the fantasy of an infinite Earth to a mature relationship with a finite, living planet.
The deeper question is whether humanity can become a wiser expression of Earth’s own unfolding. Each of us participates in that possibility. Each of us helps shape the experiment. And each of us, in ways both small and large, plays a vital role in what kind of future this living planet is able to bring forth through us.
Beyond Overshoot
Global ecological overshoot is not only a material crisis. It is also a crisis in how we are participating in the larger life of Earth. We have built systems as if we were separate: separate from nature, separate from consequences, separate from the living processes that sustain us. But we are not separate. We are one expression of this living planet’s own unfolding.
From a wider view, humanity is not outside Earth, managing it from above. We are Earth in one of its experimental forms: conscious, symbolic, technological, self-reflective, and dangerously powerful. Through us, this planet is exploring what intelligence can become. It is also discovering what happens when intelligence becomes detached from the living whole that gave rise to it.
That is why overshoot is not just a failure of policy. It is a distortion in relationship. A civilization organized around extraction, abstraction, and endless growth cannot remain in harmony with a finite living world. It will overshoot. It will undermine its own foundations. It will mistake drawdown for wealth and domination for maturity.
What is needed, then, is not only reform but transformation. Not only greener systems, but a different civilizational consciousness. We need to move from control to participation, from separation to interbeing, from accumulation to reciprocity, from managing Earth to belonging to Earth. This is what a regenerative civilization would mean at the deepest level: not just sustainable techniques, but a culture that knows itself as part of a living whole and organizes accordingly.
Some of the guidance for this future is ancient. Many indigenous and traditional cultures, and many deep spiritual traditions, have remembered what modernity forgot: that life is relational, that limits are real, that the world is not a dead backdrop, and that human flourishing depends on right relationship with the larger field of life. We cannot simply return to earlier forms, but we can let their wisdom inform what comes next.
The transition ahead may be difficult, uneven, and marked by loss. But it is also part of a larger unfolding. The question is whether humanity can become a wiser expression of Earth’s own intelligence. Each of us participates in that possibility. Each of us helps shape whether this civilizational crisis becomes only collapse, or also initiation.
A regenerative civilization would not be perfect. But it would be more humble, more reciprocal, more rooted, and more aligned with the deeper patterns of life. It would know that we do not stand over this world. We arise within it, belong to it, and help shape its future through how we live.
This is one in a brief series of dialogs emerging from Voice Dialog and the Big Mind process. It starts a little haltingly and becomes more interesting as it goes along. I see it mostly as a draft and exploration with some gold here and there. The best may be to start in the middle or towards the end and read the topics that most draws your interest.
Who are you?
I am one who has lived for eons. Happy to talk with you.
How am I different from you?
You are not that different. The main difference is that you are still caught up in the day-to-day changes and dramas. You use it to color your experience and whether you are happy or anxious.
I do that much less. I have seen it all. It’s all variations of life. It’s not worth getting so caught up in it. I take it seriously. I play the game. And I see it – and live it and viscerally feel it – as part of the tapestry of life.
How come you take it seriously if you see it as “part of the game”?
Because I know that not taking it seriously is not satisfying. I did that too, a long time ago. I disengaged. I had a distance to it. And that felt hollow. That too is not worth it, not for very long at least. It’s far more satisfying to be fully engaged.
Why do you see it as “part of the game” – what’s the game?
The game of life. It’s just a way of talking about it. I am just referring to life unfolding in all the many ways it does. Or existence unfolding as it does, here and now, locally and temporary as us and this seamless whole we call life and Earth.
How do you see life and death?
That’s a big topic. I see change as what allows anything new to be. And change involves life and death.
What comes together falls apart. And what falls apart makes space for something new to be.
Everything that’s here, everything we know, everything we love, is here because everything that went before is not here anymore. It went away so something new could be.
So how do you relate to change? Impermanence?
Much as I said. It brings things I like and also enjoy less, and I also know that it all comes as one package.
Without impermanence, nothing of what we are and know would be here. And that includes all the things my personality enjoys. So to have what we enjoy, we need the whole package. The whole package of life and what’s here.
I see these kinds of articles and comments now and then.
THE MANY IMAGES OF GOD
Often, they seem to assume that everyone has the same image of God as they do, which seems odd. Even within the same religion, there are many different images of God. Sometimes, they are radically different.
THE GIFTS IN EACH IMAGE OF GOD
All images of God are images, and they each have gifts and shortcomings.
They reflect a culture, a time, a worldview. They give us a focus, sense of belonging (if they are shared with others), a sense of coherence, maybe even a sense of knowing – whether justified or not.
THE DILEMMAS INHERENT IN PARTICULAR IMAGES OF GOD
I also notice that the dilemmas many experience in relation to God often come from their particular image of God.
That’s why it makes sense to…
Make that image explicit and conscious
Look at the consequences of having that particular image, and the dilemmas that stem from it
Acknowledge that others have other images of God, even people within the same religion as you
And perhaps explore those images and see whether one or some of them make more sense to you
I notice that many of the classic dilemmas within Christianity stem from the sky-god image of God. Of God as somehow separate from this world, with a few interactions here and there. For instance, it then becomes something you have to believe in. You have to take someone’s word for it. And that, in itself, creates a lot of problems.
Of course, other images of God come with their own limitations and dilemmas. That’s fine. And it’s good for us to acknowledge and explore all of that.
REALITY IS ALWAYS MORE THAN OUR IDEAS ABOUT IT
Reality is always more than and different from our ideas about it. Our ideas are maps – imaginations – that help us orient and live in the world. They do not hold any final or absolute truth. That’s not their function.
And that’s the case with our images of God as well. Our ideas are imaginations. They help us orient and function in certain ways. They have certain effects. They are maps, not the terrain.
So why not choose one – or a set – that makes sense to us? That guide us to live as we would like to live? That are in integrity for us? (For instance, that don’t require us to pretend that something is true when we know we cannot know for certain? Or even are aligned with science and scientific methods?)
GOD = EXISTENCE AS A WHOLE
Personally, I prefer to define God as reality, as existence as a whole.
I don’t know what that entails, of course, but it means that I see this world – the world I am familiar with and my experiences – as part of the divine. It’s all God expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways, including as what’s here right now. I am one of innumerable local and temporary organs for the divine. And that goes for all beings.
That makes sense to me. There is nothing to believe in. It’s right here now. And it keeps everything else open – the possibility of life before and after this life, reincarnation, angels, effects of prayers, and so on. Those are all possible with that image, and not required. They become something to explore.
I am not a subscriber to The Atlantic so I haven’t read the full article, But it does seem to be an example of what I am talking about here.
She starts with a particular image of God, which has problems and limitations inherent in it, and then tries to find solutions to those problems. If I were in her situation, I would question my image first, before trying to find ad hoc solutions to the problems that stem from that particular image.
I am visiting my mum’s family where she grew up, and I meet and talk with a female cousin who is new to me. My grandmother died last year. Her house has been empty since, and I mention that someone should live there and do maintenance. I can do it, but I am concerned about ghosts. I also mention that I am not very brave, and have some experiences with ghosts already. I know I will do it anyway. At some point, I have sex with a younger woman and we have a good chemistry. She is spirited.
Through the night, I had a sense of presence in the room. Maybe that’s why the ghost theme came up in the dream. That sense of presence may have to do with my father just passing on, and the dream about my mom may be related as well since she died last August.
The essence of this dream seems to be an empty house related to my mother’s family, and I will live there to maintain it. I do it in spite of my concerns about ghosts. It seems that a space in me related to my mom and her lineage has been empty and unoccupied in me. It’s filled with ghosts, with echoes of her and her family. And I am now moving into that space to occupy and more actively maintain it.
Why is it my grandmother’s house and not my mother or father’s house? Likely because this is about lineage and something further back in the generations. The house in the dream is not one I have lived in before. It’s new to me, just like my cousin is.
Why did my grandmother die last year in the dream? In waking life, she died decades ago. My mother died last year, and with her, the direct memory of my grandmother. Maybe that’s where it comes from. I did look at photos with my mum last spring, including photos of the house her father built and they lived in. The house was two stories, just like the dream, and relatives lived nearby, which they also did in the dream.
I am not sure who the woman at the end is, but she is spirited and we have a good and easy chemistry. We are in my grandmother’s house. She lives nearby and there is a sense that we’ll continue our connection indefinitely.
The essence seems to be (a) inhabiting some space in myself related to my mother and her lineage, and (b) a revitalization and new life in the process.
This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on society, politics, and nature. I sometimes include short personal notes as well. Click “read more” to see the entries in this installment.
I TOLD YOU SO
We all have a large number of views and sometimes predictions, and it’s all mostly from conditioning. It reflects the influences we grew up with and now expose ourselves to.
We are also all sometimes right and sometimes wrong in our views and predictions. And many of us are inclined to remember and emphasize the times we (think we) we are right, and dismiss or explain away the times we were wrong. We also tend to pick out data that makes it seem we were right, and ignore the rest.
That said, there are many “I told you so” moments in my life, including when I have written about politics and society as I do in these posts.
Back then, I wrote about much the same as today – global ecological overshoot, misguided wars, neo-liberalism and erosion of democracy, and so on.
For instance, it was clear that the US lied about the reason for the Iraq war, and that was later confirmed. Already then, the information was readily available. Today, the information needed to see that any war with Iran is misguided is also readily available.
All empires fall, and since the ’90s, it seemed clear that the erosion of the US empire likely would happen within a couple of decades. For instance, Johan Galtung studied the fall of empires, saw the signs of it happening with the US, and that it would become obvious in the 2020s. I wrote about that too, and it’s happening. The status of the US as a global superpower is eroding, hastened by Trump.
Trump 2.0 was always likely to start wars, as I wrote about in November 2024 before his second term: “We don’t know what wars Trump may start, possibly in an attempt to distract from unpopular policies and unite the US population behind him. He avoided wars during the first presidency, but Trump 2.0 will be different.”
Since middle school in the ’80s, I have been aware of global ecological overshoot. We are collectively using far more resources than Earth can replenish. We are metaphorically living on a draining savings account. As it continues to deplete, we see the unraveling of ecosystems and eventually an ecological and civizational collapse. We have a civilization that operates on the assumption of unlimited Earth, and that is out of alignment with ecological realities. That leads to overshoot and, if not corrected, collapse. Our civilization is ecocidal and suicidal. That too is easy to see and understand.
It’s also easy to see why global ecological overshot is by far the most serious issue facing us today. If you care about anything, you also have to care about global ecological overshoot. This living system we call Earth is what supports and makes everything we care about possible, including our own lives. With an ecological collapse, all we care about collapses. A mature and sane civilization will have ecological health as a priority since everything else depends on it. It’s the context for everything else.
Organic food is often presented as a luxury for a few, and unrealistic for the many. To me, it seems reverse. What’s unrealistic is to continue growing our food with poison, and poisoning ourselves, the land, and our ecosystems in the process. That cannot last.
When the US elected Trump for president the first time, it seemed equally clear that it would lead to an erosion of US democracy. Back then, I wrote about that as the main danger of his presidency. That has become even more clear now in his second period. We also know that he planned to implement Project 2025 in his second period, and that’s what we are seeing. And we know that his policies will hurt most of the people who voted for him, and they still voted for him.
Norwegian politicians seem to assume that when Trump is gone, our relationship with the US will return to normal. That seems naive and misguided. The dynamics in the US that brought Trump to power will not go away. Someone like him is likely to return, and likely one who is smarter and more competent. The US cannot be trusted or relied upon. We need to deepen our ties with Europe, Canada, and other more reliable and aligned countries.
As I wrote in a previous post, we know that nuclear energy in Norway is misguided. It will be too expensive and is not needed. Still, many political parties support it and want nuclear energy development, including parties that pride themselves on being fiscally responsible.
From the ’80s, it’s been clear to me that taking a significant portion of our abundant resources in Norway and investing in renewable energy research and technology is the wise way forward. If we did, Norway would be at the forefront of the inevitable renewable energy revolution, and we could have built a thriving research community and technology around it. It would go hand-in-hand with the current petroleum industry and be fueled by it. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. Norway is very much dragging its feet when it comes to renewable energy, and it has left the leading edge research and technology to other countries.
In most of these cases, I feel that reality spoke clearly. We just need to be slightly more attuned to reality than our ideologies to see it.
Why do some tend to be more often accurate than others? Partly, it has to do with basic knowledge about history (patterns repeat), society, and psychology. Partly, it may be that reality has a “left leaning bias” as Stephen Colbert said, slightly tongue in cheek but also with some truth to it. Partly, and perhaps most importantly, it has to do with whether we seek reality and truth over ideologies.
The people who are sensitive in life may suffer much more than those who are insensitive, but if they understand and go beyond their suffering, they will discover extraordinary things.
– Jiddu Krishnamurti in Think on These Things
Sensitivity heightens everything, and can be a curse or a blessing depending on how we are able to relate to it. If we are blessed with the outer and inner circumstances to make use of sensitivity, we can discover extraordinary things. It can help us in our relationships, and in healing and artistic work. It can help us gain a great deal of insights into the human nature, and life and nature in general. It can even help us notice what we really are in our own first person experience.
My father and me on a ferryPicking cloudberries by the cabin near Sølen, RendalenMy father fishing in the lake by the cabin in Sølen, RendalenMy father and me in the garden in SkiMy father at his office in Storgata 3, Oslo, large loft spaceFrom a student ID, either architecture or art schoolMy father and mother early in their relationship, likely in the forest north of OsloMy father painting in the log cabin he built in the garden in Ski
My father died around noon today. I was making lunch, and had an image/sense of his presence with me. Some minutes later, my brother sent me the message saying he died a few minutes earlier.
I remember how it was between lives, so I know it’s OK. I can sense him now.
At a human level, grief and tears come and are welcome.
He lived a long, rich, and – according to all signs – fulfilling life. He loved his work as an architect, he was an artist, he did woodworking, he built additions to his house and two log cabins. He was married his whole life since his twenties. He and my mother created a beautiful house filled with art, antiques, and craft.
He introduced me to drawing, painting, nature, fishing, berry picking, birds, art, art museums, European cities, literature, and much more. He would read for me in the evenings when I was little, before I fell asleep. He had an extensive library, including with adventure books from his childhood and earlier.
He was an exceptional man in many ways, with his deep love of nature and art, and his creative and practical abilities. Although he often would take time for himself in his studio/workshop, he was always available. He was deeply kind. I never once heard him complain, which I suspect has to do with his upbringing in Hedmark.
A few memories that come to mind: One Saturday when I was elementary school age, the TV didn’t work and my mother and brother were away, so we went for a walk in the local forest together. We returned after dark. It was a special and magical experience. Also, fishing with him, picking berries, hiking up to Sølen and sleeping outside and watching the stars. Talking about art. Seeing A River Runs Through It together, since he loved fly fishing. Going to an Indian restaurant together. Christmases, New Year, and other celebrations. Him painting in his studio at his office, and later in the garden. Visiting him at his office when I was little, and having raisin buns (my favorite) for lunch.
He loved the jazz classics, and would often listen to it while painting, so I am listening to that today.
I am also going through some family photos, and am deeply grateful for the life he and my mother gave me. Although it was relatively normal for Norway, I also realize it was special and with many gifts.
They gave me an upbringing in a small town in Norway in the ’80s, and I had a typical ’80s childhood and teens with a lot of roaming around on bikes, having dinner at friends’ houses, climbing trees and getting (somewhat) lost in the forest, playing board games in the basement with friends, and so on. They also always supported me in my endeavors, whether it was art, meditation, or something else. And they helped me when I went through a very difficult period some years ago, after I lost my health and much else in my life. My father would always have food ready for me when I visited, even if I arrived late. Both of my parents would often pick me up at the airport.
Equally or more important, they gave me the support and space I needed to explore the awakening shift that happened in my teens – which turned my life upside down and inside out, and made my life a bit wobbly and unconventional.
His presence is very strong now, and there is a profound sense of love. When I sense beings after they shed their physical body, it’s always different. In one case, turmoil. In another, a sense of frustration. (His mission was to support the Great Turning.) In one, a deep sense of relief, peace, and coming home. (Christian.) With my mother, relief and moving on. And now, with my father, this immense sense of fullness and love.
This also highlights that I wish to live my life fully – in the sense of aligning more deeply and closely with what’s really important to me, and bring it to life.
I had a CFS/ME crash Monday evening, and noticed the usual strong impulse to rest. Everything else becomes secondary. That’s understandable and necessary for recovery. At the same time, I noticed it triggered a sense of being unlovable, and wanting to withdraw and push others away.
FEELING UNLOVABLE
When I feel physically sick, I seem to have this sense of being unlovable come up, and my response to it is to withdraw and push people away. This dynamic was clear when I was at Amritapuri this winter, and Amma’s presence helped me to hold it with more kindness and love.
Somewhere in me, there is a painful story saying I cannot be loved or lovable if I am physically sick, and if I cannot contribute or function as I would if I were healthy. I suspect this is shaped by a Western European ethic where value is tied to productivity: if I am productive and well-functioning, I am valuable. If I am not, I am less valuable — or not valuable at all.
The deeper roots may come from being left to cry out as a baby. This can create a wound of feeling unlovable, unloved, and unsupported.
WITHDRAWING AND PUSHING AWAY
Why is there an impulse to withdraw and push away, when this sense of being unlovable and unloved comes up?
I assume it may be a way to withdraw before others withdraw from me. That way, I have some sense of control.
Of course, the fallacy here is that some people won’t withdraw even if I am physically sick, or if I feel unlovable and unloved. My deep wish is to find someone who does not withdraw.
My deeper wish is to be the one who does not withdraw – from myself. I want to be here for myself, and meet my experiences and these parts of me with kindness and presence.
TONGLEN ON THIS WOUNDED VERSION OF ME
I wish to heal my relationship with this sense of being unlovable, and with the impulse to retreat and push others away.
One way to do that is to do tonglen with that version of me – with me in that state, with that part of me. When I am in a crash, that may be difficult. And I can do it now, after the storm has passed and while it’s still fresh in memory.
I visualize myself in front of me, as I was that night, in that contracted state. I see the suffering as black smoke, and breathe it in on my in-breath. On the out-breath, I breathe out light, and he is filled with that light. This follows my natural breathing, and I stay with it for a while — at least until there is a noticeable shift in how I relate to that person. I also like to deepen into that shift for a while.
This may bring to mind earlier experiences, sometimes more painful. If that happens, it can be good to do tonglen for myself in that situation too.
I like using tonglen in this way. It shifts my relationship with this contracted part of me. This, in turn, makes it easier to meet others in the same way.
TONGLEN IN GENERAL
I also use tonglen with dream or fantasy characters, and toward individuals and groups in my life and in the world, whether my personality likes them, feels neutral toward them, or has a more challenging relationship with them.
Often, I begin with one or a few, depending on how many are involved in the situation. At the end, I expand to all Earth beings and the Earth as a whole, and all life in Existence – including all the life I have no knowledge of.
Tonglen helps me shift my relationship with anyone and everyone. It helps me find genuine care and love for them. It helps me find in myself what I see in them and in the world in general. It helps me shift my relationship with what all beings and the world reflect in me.
Mainly, it feels good. It feels better than staying in contraction. It helps me shift into a kinder relationship with myself and with others.
THE RICHNESS OF TONGLEN
Tonglen is deceptively simple, and it has a lot of layers and richness to it.
For instance, its visceral nature seems to be helpful for working on preverbal wounds.
As mentioned above, it helps me find in myself what I see in others. We are in the same boat. Others are my mirror. The world is my mirror.
It helps me meet my experience with more kindness, which helps me meet others with more kindness.
It helps me recognize all of this as content of experience, and that I am not fundamentally any of it. It’s all happening within and as what I am.
I had a nightmare last night, and woke up having kicked the bed cover off. In the dream, I was in Northern Africa. I think it was the kind of dream that was more like a movie, where “I” was not a character. Someone – from whose perspective it was experienced – knew there would be a terrorist attack and kidnapping, and she was trying to convince shoppers to leave or find a secure place to hide. It was difficult for them to understand the seriousness of the situation. I woke up with an image that reminded me of a scene from a Stanley Kubrick film, with a Muslim woman all dressed up in red standing in a large white space. It all took place in what seemed a luxury shopping center or area.
Later, in the morning, I dreamt I was at a festival with music, traditional arts and crafts, and exhibits. I took a dive into deep water, talked with people, and saw an exhibit where my father had a few paintings. (His were the best ones.) It was all rich, flowing, and swirling. At some point, I knew I was going to have sex with a hermaphrodite – someone both female and male – and it seemed new and exciting.
The theme of the nightmare is warnings (or guidance) not taken seriously. In terms of guidance, that happens with me when I have a strong inner guidance, and go against it – often to please others. I may also be ignoring inner warnings right now, although I am not sure in which area of life. It can be a few different things. (My situation in Colombia, money, coming choices for the direction of my life.)
In the world, we see it with Trump and the Iran war which just about all experts have warned against. We also see it with global ecological overshoot, which is arguably the most serious issue for us today and few take seriously. Collectively, we know we are heading into disasters and few take it seriously enough to make the required changes, at least not so far.
The second dream is more life-affirming. It’s lively, rich, I take a dive into deep water, it’s about art and traditions, my father has a presence through his paintings, and I am connecting with someone who is both female and male. I am connecting more with the female and male in myself as one whole.
I live in Colorado (Boulder? Colorado Springs?) and am visiting an experimental college or university in middle/Southern California. I am told I will be very interested in a new play. When I arrive, I realize it’s a kind of competition where a group of judged will select the one or two best plays out of several. The judges sit at a table in front of the stage, and the audience consists mostly of children with 2-3 adults. I wander around a bit, and see that the students seem independent and are there to experiment, explore, and discover. I talk with one of them.
When I woke up, I got the sense that the plays are different scenarios I have for my future, and the judges are life/the divine selecting which one will actually happen. Not sure if that’s accurate, but it feels close.
The children in the audience may be more innocent, receptive parts of me, watching the plays and wondering what will happen.
Why California? I associate (this side of) California with social experimentation, open mindedness, creativity, flow. I feel that home there, and lived there for a while.
Why Colorado? I had read a social media post about a wild clay pottery workshop in Colorado Springs (?) the night before, and have friends in Denver and close to Boulder. I love the nature and small towns in Colorado, although have only visited briefly.
Why did I have this dream now? Likely because I have several scenarios for how my life will unfold from here. It all feels quite open.
Who is the student I talk with at the end? He reminds me of Daniel who helps us with the food forest/regeneration at Finca Milagros. I like him a lot, and admire him and his connection with nature. Or rather, his visceral and lived knowing that he is part of this living seamless whole we call nature.
I am doing daily dives with James Cameron, often deep dives. As I get ready, I realize I may not have brought enough warm layers, but he has made sure I have what I need. I think I am working for him, but there is a nice sense of being a team. There is a woman there too, supporting us with the dives.
We are a team of three – James Cameron, the woman, and me. James Cameron and I are doing the dives in suits, not a submersible. Although it’s possible we use a submersible to get down, and then do our dives from the submersible. There is a sense of mutual support, ease, and care. I trust James Cameron since he has far more experience than I do.
In waking life, James Cameron does deep dives in submersibles, and he does have a lot of experience.
Dives into the ocean can mean dives into what’s not yet conscious, and/or the emotions.
I do regular dives in that way, just about daily.
Also, I have had some honest conversations about topics that could be challenging lately, so the dream may reflect those.
Update: I asked AI for input on this dream (see below), and its response highlights several important aspects of the dream. We are diving in suits, which is a more immediate contact with the depths, less protected, less distanced. The woman, a feminine side of me, provides practical and emotional support. James Cameron represents a wise and experienced guide in me. He also makes sure I am warm enough, that there is some emotional warmth in my explorations.
I also see that I see James Cameron as a deep sea dive expert, not primarily a film maker. That part of his life does not seem important in this context. I also know he can be prickly, but in the dream he is consistently warm and supportive.
I listened to a video where an economist was references who saw natural resources as belonging to everyone.
I completely agree. Except, typical of the eccentricities of this civilization, the economist referred to only humans when he said “everyone”.
Natural resources belong to everyone – to all of life.
Natural resources belong to this living seamless system we are all local and temporary expressions of.
They are created by and for this dynamic web of life.
Again, typical of this civilization, some may see this as naive or idealistic. What’s naive and idealistic is to see human as separate from this system, and natural resources primarily for human use. That’s short sighted, out of alignment with ecological realities, and ultimately ecocidal and suicidal.
How do we create a system that not only acknowledges that natural resources belong to all life, but protects them for the benefit of all life?
Here is a start: Protect the interests of non-human life, of the wider web of life, in law. Appoint advocates for this wider web of life. Make it enforceable and enforced.
I like that as a question. If I follow my inner guidance or knowing, and if I am authentic, I will inevitably disappoint society one way or another. I will disappoint my internalized society. (The Über Ich / over-I as Freud called it). It’s good to notice, and it’s good to be in the habit of disappointing this society.
If something feels right, if my inner guidance or knowing points to it, if it’s authentic, and if I can’t find a good reason to not do it (sometimes, there may be), then why not? Why not do it?
That’s how we create a life we won’t regret. Or, at least, are less likely to regret!
And sometimes, apart from disappointing our internalized society, our internalized shoulds, it requires examining our fears. What do I fear would happen? How likely is it? Can I find peace with it? Am I OK with it? Is it worth it?
It’s also helpful to explore how we internalize the expectations of society, what they are in our case, what effects they would have if we always followed them, and also what social functions they have or – in many cases – had some decades or generations ago. Many of them made sense at some point, and don’t so much now.
Today, I disappointed society by having my main meal at lunch, which I usually do. I will likely go to bed before accepted bedtime for grown-ups. I was honest in a way some may say you should be more strategic about. (It felt good, and didn’t feel like a big risk.) In general, my life is outside the norm in several ways, and it makes sense to me now and feels right, and I also know it will change. (Although I don’t know how.)
I find it profoundly inspiring to be part of this immensely rich and beautiful web of life, and this seamless unfolding Universe.
I am a local and temporary expression of this living planet and the Universe.
Everything here – any state, experience, choice – has infinite causes stretching back to the beginning of time (if there is a beginning) and the widest extent of existence (if there is a widest extent).
In the words of Carl Sagan, I am the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the Universe. I am the Universe bringing itself into consciousness.
It wakes in me a profound sense of belonging, of being part of this immense whole.
I am a part of the evolution and unfolding of it all. What happens here is a part of the continued evolutionary unfolding of the Universe. My life changes the course of this unfolding, as does all life and everything that is.
To imagine myself as separate seems uninspiring, claustrophobic, and it leads to a lot of other consequences. For instance, it means I may try to find meaning or significance by imagining that I am somehow – magically – “better” than the rest of the web of life. Or that it’s here primarily as a “resource” for me. Or that some imaginary sky god has given me a special position. That’s both weird and depressing.
My Zen dharma name is Daiken, given to me by Genpo Roshi. It means great courage.
It’s both what I need and what I am.
Why do I need it? One reason is that I tend to have a clear inner guidance, and sometimes have gone against it due to unexamined scary stories, wounds, trauma, and so on. I haven’t had the courage to follow my inner guidance. Or, said another way, the clarity. Sometimes, this has happened on major life choices and situations, and it has led to feeling profoundly off track.
How is it what I am? My nature is this awake space that forms itself into my world, the world as it appears to me, this field of always changing experiences. It allows it all. It forms itself into it all. It’s infinitely courageous.
That word doesn’t really apply, of course. But for this human self, it’s a good reminder. It’s medicine. It’s a reminder of this one aspect of my nature, and an invitation for this human self to try it on as well. How would it be if I say YES to life as it is here and now? How would it be to say YES to my world, as it is here and now?
How would it be to follow my inner guidance in this situation, and take the consequences?
Note: There are many other areas of life where I need courage. For instance, how would it be to be OK with being visible? To be seen? To put myself out in the world?
A friend of mine is the editor of a magazine. He tells me that someone asked for an article on the topic “the body speaks”. Their regular writer declined, so I suggest I can do it. He agrees. I immediately have many ideas and angles for the article. A minor problem is that I don’t have the software they use, but that’s easily fixed.
I had this dream the morning I am going to the Breema intensive in Barcelona. That’s likely no coincidence.
In the dream, I am comfortable writing about the topic. It’s a topic I have explored for a long time, and it feels rich to me. The only obstacle is practical and easily resolved.
I am Amma’s ashram. I have been there for a while, am more of an insider, and help organize central activities.
This is a dream image or short snippet. It was vivid and felt real, similar to the dream I had in December about already being at Amma’s ashram. (That dream was instrumental in encouraging me to actually go.)
In the dream, I have been at the ashram for a while. Likely years (?) and I am an old hand. I am part of a team organizing central activities or events.
There are a few ways to understand this.
In waking life, I wish to return later this year and stay for as long as possible.
I am already with Inner Amma in my inner ashram.
And it may be like the dream in December. It may foreshadow something that will happen. And/or it may nudge me in that direction.
This dream – and thinking and talking about my time at the ashram – brings tears to my eyes.
Update. I mentioned this dream to a friend (EO) from the ashram. She suggested that the dream is also encouraging in another way. When I was there, I wasn’t able to participate as much as I would have liked, and I also had social anxiety surface at times. (Including some strong bubbles of social anxiety from middle school, likely surfacing to be seen, felt, and met with kindness.) I felt others were far more involved and engaged. In the dream, I was included, participating in a useful way, and part of the fabric of the ashram. The dream reminds me that it’s possible, especially if I am there for longer. In other groups, that tends to happen so why not also there? Why not especially there?
Update 2. I asked AI for input on this dream, and it gave me a beautiful last sentence: A simple question to stay with might be: what would it feel like to trust the version of me who already belongs there?
This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on society, politics, and nature. I sometimes include short personal notes as well. Click “read more” to see the entries in this installment.
IRAN WAR
The US and Israel has started an illegal war against Iran. It’s illegal according to international law, and also US law. It cannot in any way be justified as self-defense.
As usual, they get away with it because of the US position in the world, and Israel still riding a wave of sympathy from the horrors of WW2 – in spite of years and decades of genocidal actions from their side.
Most commentators leave out that the Iranian regime came about through another US intervention, aimed at toppling the Iranian democratic government. The reason was that this democratic government wanted to nationalize the oil industry, to the benefit of the Iranian people.
These kinds of interventions have inherently unpredictable consequences. Iran got a strongly authoritarian anti-Western government following the US intervention decades ago. And who knows what this current war may lead to. It can go in a large number of very different directions. The wast majority of these are not good for the people in Iran, neighboring countries, or the world.
History shows that these kinds of interventions and wars rarely go to plan. It risks destabilizing the country and the region for years and decades. There is also a risk that any future governments may be worse than the previous/current one.
In this case, Iran has prepared for this war for decades. They have plans in place to replace killed leaders, and it will likely be someone more extreme. They have warned about making the war regional. Iran is a notoriously difficult country to invade, purely based on geography. (It’s huge and mountainous.)
Also, air wars don’t lead to regime change. (Other than making the regimes more extreme.) Any ground war will easily become yet another quagmire. And these kinds of interventions only create more hatred towards the aggressor, in this case the US and Israel.
Of the many possibilities for how this unfolds, let’s look at two extremes.
One is that it’s a brief war. Trump pulls out relatively quickly and declares victory. Most goes back to how it was, apart from increased repression and entrenchment from the Iranian regime. Trump seems to receive his orders from Israel in this situation, and a brief war that maintains status quo is not in Israel’s interest. Still, Trump may eventually – within weeks or a few months – decide to declare victory and leave devastation in his wake.
The other is a long war. If the US and Israel want regime change, it has to be a land war. And it has to, eventually, involve US and Israeli troops on the ground. This can last for a very long time, considering the geography of Iran. It will involve neighboring countries. And it will be accompanied by Iranian terrorism around the world. There is no guarantee that even this will lead to a regime change, or that a future regime will be any more democratic or friendly towards Israel and the West. There is also the possibility of an eventual civil war within Iran.
Trump in his hubris likely assumes the situation is simple and will go according to plan. (If he has one, which it doesn’t look like he has apart from a vague idea of “success”.) And just about everyone else in the world knows it very likely won’t. We know that life is far more complex, and people have their own minds. (In this case, Iran has prepared for decades for this war, the opposition is weak and disorganized, air strikes alone will not lead to regime change, and Iran has the means to drag it out indefinitely.)
Although Trump didn’t start any big wars during his first period, his rhetoric and orientation changed dramatically before the second period, so what we are seeing now is no surprise.
The name of this war, “Epic Fury”, sounds like it was created by someone with the emotional maturity of a five year old, and little to no empathy or understanding of the seriousness and tragedy or war.
Of course, these kinds of unnecessary and optional wars is what empires do. In this case, it’s a way for Trump to distract from poor ratings, terrible predictions for Republicans for the midterm elections this fall, and the Epstein files. In his deluded mind, the war may also appear as an easy win.
To me, right now, this looks like Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. Putin thought it would be easy, just like Trump likely sees this war as easy. In each case, it will be anything but.
Also, in both cases, informed ordinary people – at least in Norway and Europe in general – seem to have a more accurate picture of the situation than the leaders. Putin’s invasion of Ukraine was seen as meaningless and unnecessary, and an inevitable quagmire for Russia no matter how the war itself went. (The Ukrainians would never stop fighting an occupation, and they would eventually win even if it would take decades.) Trump’s invasion of Iran is seen as an equally meaningless and unnecessary war. If he persists, it will very likely be another quagmire.
To some extent, some leaders may want a quagmire since it gives a lasting external enemy and distraction, but it leads to nowhere good in the long run. In some cases, it leads to the end of the attacking empire. Quagmire wars drains huge amounts of resources, leads to internal unrest and dissatisfaction, makes them lose sympathy and support internationally, and is often both an expression of declining empires and contributing cause of their disintegration.
All of this is an expression of a strong domination orientation and culture. The unnecessary wars. The assumptions that it will go according to plan and be easy. The want to dominate. The assumption you have the right to decide the internal affairs of other countries. The desire for control.
From a legal point of view, the war is unjustified and illegal. From a practical point of view, it’s profoundly misguided. From a distraction point of view, it works.
P.S. When it comes to Israel, initiating this war seems like a trauma response, just like their ongoing genocide. They choose strategies that increase regional hatred against them, make them lose international sympathy, and ultimately make them less safe.
UPDATES / ADDITIONS
MARCH 2026
The US/Israel killed the previous head of state in Iran, and he is now – some days later – replaced by his son. He is likely to be more extreme than his father, not the least because most of his close family was killed in the attack. He has nothing to lose. That he would be replaced by someone as or more extreme was predicted and close to inevitable.
Iran is using relatively inexpensive drones to attack US bases and US allies in the region. This drains the US anti-missile/anti-drone rocket supply, and is an excellent tactic to eventually bring the US into a situation where they have to pull out. (Or escalate, which would create a long and terrible war.)
A few more days in, and Iran has now made the Hormuz strait unsafe for tankers. This was also predicted and close to inevitable. It means higher oil prices in the world and a huge boost for the Russian economy. As usual, Trump seems to intentionally and sometimes unintentionally (?) act in ways that benefit Putin. He also clearly doesn’t care about the finances and well being of ordinary people, including the citizens of the US.
The media is largely ignoring the main issue of this war – that it’s clearly illegal according to international law. If I was an editor or journalist, that’s something I would put at the forefront of most or all reporting on this war.
Who benefits from this war? Putin, obviously, since it drains US resources and improves Russian economy. Also, it benefits China. They may be a ruthless authoritarian regime, but they are at least smart about it. They focus on what matters, not unneccesary wars. So they will continue to strengthen, while the US weakens itself and continues to erode its empire.
Over two weeks in, and we are in a current energy crisis that was avoidable. Most countries in the world have chosen – and it is a choice – to continue to rely on fossil fuels. That makes them and their energy situation very vulnerable. If we collectively had transitioned to renewable energy, we would not have an energy crisis now.
It’s now three weeks since the war started. It seems increasingly likely that this will be a long war with a ground invasion, which means likely disaster for just about everyone involved and for the global economy. Trump is in the predicted and forecasted escalation trap.
Mainstream Western media, including CNN and BBC, now seem to blame Iran for fighting back. Who started this war? Are they not allowed to defend themselves?
Someone commented that authoritarians don’t understand that people have agency. They surround themselves with people who fear speaking up to them, and assume the rest of the world is like that too. Putin thought Ukrainians would welcome the Russian invasion and occupation. Trump thought the Iranian government would fold. Just about everyone else knows that the world is not that simple and people have their own mind and motivations.
I AM BAFFLED, AND NOT
As so often, I am partly baffled by this. History shows that these kinds of operations rarely if ever go to plan. An air war won’t give regime change. The opposition in Iran is weak and disorganized and will not be able to create a regime change. A ground war will be an immensely costly and drawn out quagmire. (Because of the mountainous geography and huge distances, the huge number of US/Israeli soldiers required to fight and win over a million Iranian soldiers, and a regime fighting a religious war and for their survival.)
So why does anyone think this is a good idea? Why do 40 percent of the population in the US still support it? Are they complete idiots? The answer is likely and sadly “yes”, in the sense that they are uninformed and easily misled.
APRIL 2026 – ILLEGAL, MISGUIDED, COSTLY
It’s now the first week of April, one month after the initial attacks by the US and Israel on Iran. I see that European media overwhelmingly (?) and accurately depict this war as illegal, misguided, and profoundly costly for the Iranian people, West Asia, and the world. And the mainstream US media, for whatever reason and in their usual lack of integrity, tend to lean more towards the Trump view.
I also notice that the US media seem to focus on the handful of US citizens killed so far, and much less on the thousands of Iranian killed. That is an expression of the dehumanization of empire, and I am surprised that editors and reporters go along with it. Are they in service of empire, or humanity? I guess the answer is, as it usually is, empire.
In terms of the Hormuz strait, Trump seems to want NATO countries to clean up his mess. Having someone clean up his mess is what he is used to, and he again brings his personal life to the world stage.
Also, I see Trump and others in the US advocate for a ground invasion of Kharg island, which also seems profoundly misguided. It can easily become a death trap, and it won’t impact Iran that much. (See, for instance, this video from CBC.)
PURGING OF THE US MILITARY
The Trump administration are firing competent top military leaders to replace them with less competent loyalists, and are gradually weeding out black and female leaders. This is obviously a recipe for disaster. Replacing people with less competent yes-men does not end well.
US MILITARY IS COMPLICIT IN ILLEGAL ACTIONS
It’s clear that the overwhelming majority of the US military – from top to bottom – go along with this war. They do so knowing it’s illegal, that they are actively taking part in a crime, that it’s profoundly misguided, and that a ground invasion will be a costly death trap. Why? Are they not trained to set international law and ethics above orders? My guess is they are not. They are trained in an authoritarian system that sets loyalty above anything else. (As far as I understand, in the Norwegian military, they are trained and encouraged to disobey clearly illegal and unethical orders.)
WITHDRAWING FROM NATO
The Trump administration is getting closer to withdrawing from NATO. That has been Trump’s inclination and aim for years now, and it’s is yet another reason why Europe and European countries cannot rely on the US. They need to forge strong alliances among themselves and with other countries around the world, and detach from reliance on US military support, technology, and so on. Even if Trump will be gone, the dynamics that brought him to power will not. The US cannot be relied on anymore.
THE DYNAMICS THAT LED TO TRUMP’S PRESIDENCY
The Iran debacle is not really about Trump. It’s about the many in the US population who voted for him, knowing very well he is a con man and has no real interest in the well-being of the US population or anyone besides himself. He is a symptom of much deeper dynamics and problems in the US, created by decades of neo-liberal policies aimed at funneling money and resources to the already very wealthy and away from the general population. This has created an understandable and profound mistrust in mainstream politicians, whether they are Democrats or Republicans. Combine this with poor education, a flawed two-party system, and an empire in decline, and you get trouble.
NO REGIME CHANGE THROUGH AIR STRIKES ALONE
Back to the Iran situation, anyone with a basic knowledge of history and the situation would know that… (a) You can’t get regime change through air strikes, it has never happened. (b) The Iranian regime has prepared for this for decades and have a large number of people ready to take over if or when leaders are taken out. (c) Iran can easily make the Hormuz Strait unsafe for traffic and effectively control it. (d) It’s almost impossible to make passage through the Hormuz Strait safe if Iran decides to make it unsafe. (e) This situation gives Iran a massive advantage and leverage. (f) A regime change requires ground invasion, which will be disastrous and immensely costly in terms of lives and resources. (g) There is no simple win here for the US. (h) Which is why no previous US president has been misguided enough to try it.
PAINTED HIMSELF INTO A CORNER
Still in the first week of April, it seems clear that Trump has painted himself into a corner, against the advice of just about anyone who knows the situation. There are no easy solutions. He may well choose a ground invasion, another step of the escalation trap, and this too has no simple or easy resolution. They will face a million soldiers, a country that has prepared for such an invasion for decades, and a massive and challenging geography. History shows that it’s not a good idea to invade Persia or Iran. It rarely if ever goes well for those who try to do so.
GENOCIDAL INTENT
It’s April 7, and Trump is threatening massive attacks on Iranian infrastructure. That is clearly illegal according to international law. It’s a war crime. By saying he will destroy the Iranian/Persian civilization, he displays genocidal intent, which is also a crime. Anyone who participates in this is a war criminal (the Rome Statute), including the soldiers. As so often, much of mainstream media ignores that side of it. For instance, Michael Clarke in this Sky News commentary only focuses on the feasibility of this war crime.
THE OUTCOME SO FAR
April 9 with a tenuous ceasefire and clearly different views of what it entails. What’s clear is the outcome so far: (a) Iran has a more extreme leadership, and one that’s more likely to want nuclear weapons. (The former leaders were far less inclined to want it.) (b) Iran has played their Strait of Hormuz card, which everyone knew they had, and has control over a significant part of the world economy. (c) The US and Israel has weakened support internationally, and deepened the (understandable) hatred many in the region has towards them. (d) Iran is more motivated to seek and deepen alliances with other enemies of the US and/or Israel. And, as we also knew before this started, (e) regime change cannot happen through air strikes alone, and (f) a ground invasion will be enormously costly in terms of resources, human lives, and damage to the US/Israeli international relations.
NO EASY WINS
April 11. Trump has and will continue to fail in Iran. There are no easy ways out for him. So he needs – psychologically and politically – an easy win somewhere else. That makes him even more dangerous on the international scene. He may, in his derangement, take it out on Greenland, Cuba, or another country he thinks he can easily dominate.
IRAN GAINS STRENGTH AND MONEY
April 12. Predictably, the negotiations failed. Iran is in a much stronger position now than before the war, largely through demonstrating that they can easily close the Strait of Hormuz. That means they can demand more, and that’s not acceptable for Trump’s ego. Trump has now closed the strait (!), which seems another childish move. “You are not closing it, I am closing it!”. As before, there is no easy way out of this for Trump and the US. That’s why no previous US president has been stupid enough to go to war against Iran. It’s a losing proposition no matter how you look at it.
As a reminder, beforethe US/Israeli war against Iran, Iran… Was not interested in developing nuclear weapons, for religious reasons. (Now, they are far more motivated to develop nuclear weapons.) Was open for nuclear inspectors. Did not block the Strait of Hormuz. Had more moderate politicians at the top. (Now killed by the US/Israel.) Had agreed to a plan with Biden, which Trump tore up.
In short, this debacle is all created by Trump and Netanyahu. It has worsened the situation dramatically for all parties and the world in general, and there is no easy way out. Both were predicted, and has been predicted for years and even decades. Trump finds himself in the escalation trap. Even if he somehow would declare victory and pull out, the situation will be worse than before. In either case, he may be motivated to seek a more easy “win” somewhere else – for instance, by invading Cuba.
THE ESCALATION TRAP
It’s April 15, and Robert Pape again speaks about the escalation trap based on his three decades of studies. Iran is only getting stronger (they have shown they can block the Strait of Hormuz), more motivated to have nuclear weapons (the moderates were killed), and is deepening its ties with China, Russia, and other enemies of the US. Trump has a choice between (a) making concessions and allowing Iran to become a stronger power in the world, and (b) tanking the world economy through continued blockades. (Short term.)
OBAMA’S AGREEMENT WITH IRAN
Obama’s agreement with Iran could have and did prevent all this. Trump tore it up (his fragile sense of self-worth was too threatened by a smart black man) and instead started a doomed war which will either (a) make Iran far more powerful or (b) lead to an immensely costly and drawn out ground war with no guaranteed outcomes. (Long term.)
A LARGE SCALE GROUND WAR WILL BE IMMENSELY COSTLY
When it comes to a large scale ground war, Iran has roughly 1 million soldiers, which means a successful large scale successful ground invasion will require a huge number of US/Israeli soldiers. (Likely at least the same number, ideally 3-4 times that.) That seems unlikely, so a ground war will probably be smaller scale and won’t achieve much.
THE US CANNOT BE TRUSTED
Another long term outcome of this is that the world sees two things. (a) The US cannot be trusted. Nobody can trust the US, not even its traditional allies. Trump is not the problem here, deeper dynamics in the US are and they won’t go away. (b) If you have nuclear weapons, you are relatively safe. If you don’t – like Iran, Venezuela, Cuba, Greenland/Denmark, and so on – you are not safe. By tearing up agreements and starting unprovoked wars, the US has shown it cannot be trusted, and nuclear weapons is the way to go if you want to prevent an attack.
ISRAEL LOSES ALLIES AND CREATES ENEMIES
When it comes to Israel, it’s difficult to understand how (a) an ongoing UN defined genocide and (b) an unprovoked, illegal, and doomed attack on Iran are going to help them. It will only turn the international community away from and against them. As described above, this attack on Iran will only strengthen Iran and encourage them to develop nuclear weapons. The alternative is an enormously costly and drawn out ground invasion, which may even fail – or lead to a further destabilized West Asia.
Before this war, the leadership in Iran was against developing nuclear weapons for religious and practical reasons. Now, they have every incentive to develop nuclear weapons. How is that going to help Israel? It seems suicidal, and it seems like a misguided and harmful trauma response. Hurt people (sometimes) hurt people, and in the process hurt themselves.
WIN-WIN VS ZERO-SUM
April 19. In general, all of this – the Iran war, Israel’s genocide, Putin’s invasion of Ukraine – seems profoundly misguided to most Europeans and many around the world. There main reason may be a difference between a win-win versus zero-sum mindset.
Trump, Netanyahu, and Putin all come from a zero-sum and authoritarian mindset. They see alliances as weak. They want sole power. They want yes-men around them. They don’t listen to actual experts. That’s the reason for their decisions and behavior, and it leads to misguided actions – including the Iran war, Israel’s genocide, the Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. Europe in general has more of a win-win mindset. We seek alliances. We know we are stronger together. We seek to strengthen bonds and ties. We seek diplomatic solutions.
To be fair, we have to seek alliances since we are small alone. That’s the gift in being relatively small. The curse of large countries is that the leaders, and sometimes the population, can get into the illusion that they are more powerful than they are. They think they can go alone and others will fold. And that’s not how the world works.
WITH TRUMP, WE ALL LOSE
Trump likely wants to get out of the Iran war, although it’s difficult to see how he can get out of it. Iran can demand far more than they could before this war, and that may be difficult for Trump to swallow.
If Trump can get out while maintaining the illusion of victory and control, he will leave Iran in a much stronger position. Also, it may lead to Trump wanting an “easy” win somewhere else – likely Cuba first, then possibly Greenland, or other countries. In any case, the world loses.
NUANCE
This writing is in the form of journal entries. I don’t try to make it very nuanced, and I have no intention of convincing anyone of anything. It’s more just how it comes out at a very human and personal level, and it reflects my own background, views, and biases. At the same time, I think that much, if not most, will hold up in hindsight.
THE WAR PRESIDENT
Trump 1.0 wasn’t exactly a peace president, but he didn’t start foreign wars. Trump 2.0 was always going to be different. He changed a lot in the years between. In November 2024, after he was elected and before he started his second term, I wrote this in Trump’s victory: the empire strikes back:
“We don’t know what wars Trump may start, possibly in an attempt to distract from unpopular policies and unite the US population behind him. He avoided wars during the first presidency, but Trump 2.0 will be different.”
The likelihood of Trump-initiated wars was clear during his campaign for the second term, so I don’t know why some still saw him as a peace president, or now seem surprised by the Iran war and his threats against traditional allies like Canada and Greenland/Denmark. I guess they haven’t paid attention.
INSIDER TRADING
April 20. There has been a pretty clear pattern of insider trading over the last few weeks. Minutes before Trump announces yet another reversal, there is a flurry of trade in petroleum stocks and someone makes a windfall. It is mentioned in mainstream media, as in the BBC story I linked to above. At the same time, it’s not getting the attention it deserves, likely because it’s just one more example of systematic corruption and crimes committed by Trump and his associates. It’s what we have come to expect.
SANEWASHING
I have been slightly baffled by the sanewashing of Trump by mainstream media, especially during his first term. He is clearly unhinged and has major mental problems, and the media seems to have seen it as their job to make him look more coherent and sane than he is.
I am not sure why. If I was a reporter, I would make it my job to present it clearly since it is a major public concern, both within the US and for the rest of the world. It impacts all of us.
That mostly continued for the first year of his second term (last year), and now, there seems to be more stories in mainstream media calling out his unhinged behavior. For instance, ABC News (Australia) has this story: Trump’s erratic actions spark speculation on cognitive decline.
What’s slightly odd about this is that his bizarre behavior has been on display the whole time, and now they are talking about cognitive decline, as if that’s the main story.
OPPOSED TO THE US – OR EMPIRE, AUTHORITARIANISM, AND OLIGARCHY?
I see that more people seem to side with Iran and China over the last few weeks. That’s also slightly baffling to me. Yes, Trump and the US are committing crimes, Trump has stated genocidal intent, the war is profoundly misguided even from a practical point of view, Israel is committing systematic genocide and very likely convinced Trump to start the Iran war, and so on. That’s all terrible.
That doesn’t make Iran or China the “good guys” or someone to side with. They are doing much of the same, and sometimes worse. They are oppressive regimes with a history of major human rights violations, and they are both far more undemocratic than the US currently is. (Of course, Trump would like the US to be more authoritarian.)
Personally, I am for democracy, human rights, social justice, and so on. And I don’t care much for oligarchies, authoritarian regimes, human rights violations, and similar.
If you side with Iran and China (or Putin’s Russia), you are in effect saying: I am fine with human rights violations and authoritarian and oppressive regimes, as long as it’s not the US. That doesn’t make much sense to me.
*** MY OWN BIAS & THE BIGGER PICTURE ***
I am acutely aware that all of this reflects my own bias and my own culture. I am typical Norwegian in these views – at least, typical for a university educated Norwegian who cares about people and the world. My views are typical for an educated liberal person alive in the late 1900s and early 2000s.
I have intentionally written this from my more unfiltered humanity, to acknowledge that side of me too.
And I also know that this – what I write about – is all part of the human experiment. It’s part of the unfolding of this living planet. It’s an expression of Existence as a whole. These too are local and temporary expressions of the dynamics of the whole of Existence. It’s all life, the universe, existence, the divine expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in always new ways.
It’s one chapter in the unfolding of humanity and this living planet. Humanity itself is one chapter of the unfolding of this seamless living system we call Earth. Earth itself is one chapter in the unfolding of this seamless system we call the Universe.
THE UPSIDES & FUNCTION OF DOMINATION CULTURE
In the bigger picture, there is clearly a function to domination culture and empire. The dominance of domination culture is a phase in the unfolding of human culture. It comes with many downsides, and also many upsides – in terms of developing art, science, technology, philosophy, and so on.
Is this the chapter that brings about the end of human culture or humanity itself? If so, it’s just still one of many chapters in the history of this living planet, and there will be many more chapters to come – likely with amazing things we cannot even begin to imagine.
Or will there be more chapters in human civilization? If so, will the next be more of a balance between partnership and domination orientation? Will it be one of a deep partnership with life, and with our past history of partnership and domination – taking the best from both and creating something new?
MAY
It’s now May, and the situation is unfolding much as experts predicted. Iran has prepared for this for decades. That means they have people ready to replace leaders, they are able to secure weapons and nuclear production from strikes, and they are able to strike back at US bases in the region. The US rapidly depleted their weapons supply. A large scale ground war is doomed to fail and/or become a long and terrible quagmire. The Hormuz Strait has become a Mexican standoff with no solution in sight.
From all of this, Iran is emerging stronger, and the shortcomings of military might in complex situations is becoming evident. Trump is flailing since there are no good solutions for him.
This is still the essence of the situation: (a) Iran controls the Strait of Hormuz and, with it, petroleum-derived chemicals needed for artificial fertilizers (which impacts the world’s food production since it’s made dependent on those fertilizers) and 20% of the world’s petroleum. (b) There is no reason to assume that will change. The US does not have the capacity to prevent Iran from attacking ships in the strait. (c) Iran sits with the strongest hand at the negotiating table, and even if the demands they make are reasonable, Trump’s fragile ego is unable to accept it. (d) Even if Trump pulled out while declaring victory, this will not change Iran’s control of the strait. (e) Only a massive ground invasion will have a chance of stopping Iran’s control of the strait, and it will be immensely costly and drawn out, and not even be certain to succeed. (f) This was all known and predicted before the war, which is why no US president has done it before.
VIDEOS
These videos are obviously biased against the war. At the same time, they are grounded in an understanding of history and social dynamics. I am mostly including them to show that what likely happens in the coming weeks, months, and years was predicted at the beginning of this war, and even before. Some are interviews with Robert Pape who has studied the escalation trap for three decades.
I will spend some time in London and Barcelona, so thought I would create a journal – similar to the Amritapuri one. I suspect it will be as much or more about my own process as London or Barcelona. Follow the journal tag to see more articles in this series.
A student asked a Zen master what happens after we die. The master said: I don’t know. The student replied: Aren’t you a Zen master? The Master: Yes, but not a dead one
– paraphrased and with uncertain source, maybe Zen Flesh, Zen Bones?
In a social media group for Vortex Healing, someone asked what happens after we die.
According to several traditions, we – or something – reincarnates. And according to the main Vortex Healing teacher, after a certain number of classes, we don’t need to incarnate anymore. The pull towards a new incarnation in our system has lessened sufficiently.
A few things come up for me around this:
It’s an interesting topic for science, and some scientists are exploring it. Surviving Death by Leslie Kean is a nice overview of some of this research. It’s also notoriously difficult to research, and whatever we find can typically be explained in several ways.
I don’t know. I cannot know for certain. Also, I don’t need to know. Any story about what happens after death is a story about the future.
If something is reborn or reincarnated, it’s something within the content of experience. It’s likely a set of patterns within the content of experience. It’s not what I more fundamentally am.
If there is a cycle of incarnations, I doubt that this is the last incarnation for this particular content. In my case, there is so much more work to do in terms of healing, maturing, clarifying the awakening, living from oneness, and so on. It feels like I am just scratching the surface so far. I am a baby. It would be a shame if there are no more incarnated lifetimes to continue to explore and deepen into it.
In a practical sense, if I felt a need or compulsion to know, that would point to something here and now. Where does that need or compulsion come from? How is it to meet that part of me with kindness? Do I have stressful stories driving that compulsion? How is it to identify and inquire into those stressful stories?
If I felt a compulsion to not incarnate again, it would be the same. Where in me does that compulsion or need come from? What painful stories are behind it? How is it to meet that part of me with kindness? What do I find when I identify and examine those painful stories? How is it to find healing for any wounds in me behind that desire to not incarnate again? How would it be to find more peace with this life, as it is?
Personally, I find this life endlessly fascinating and – as mentioned above – there is so much more to explore, discover, clarify, and live. And I also have understanding that for some, it may feel easier to wish for an end to a potential cycle of incarnations. (Which for me, here and now, is imaginary whether it points to something real or not. It’s something I can only find in my imagination.)
And I can tell you from my own experience that whatever I do from the illusion that there is a Douglas meatball here doing it and controlling it, is rather badly and very badly done. And whatever I do from the experience that here is not Douglas’ meatball, any meatball, but Space for the whole world to happen in, is better done. There’s more energy, more love. It’s obviously not going to be perfect, but it is going to be a lot better done.
One of the most basic meditations is to notice and allow. Notice what’s here in this field of experience. Allow it as it is.
IMPERFECT NOTICING & ALLOWING
If we try to notice and allow, we’ll find that we can only do it approximately. Even with our best effort, we fail in doing it very well.
There is a beauty in that failing. It points to something else.
ALREADY NOTICED & ALLOWED
What’s here in this field of experience is already noticed and allowed.
It’s already noticed by the awakeness it’s happening within and as. (This is the ordinary awakeness that’s always here, that any experience happens within and as.)
It’s already allowed.
INTENTIONAL AND REFLECTIVE NOTICING & ALLOWING
Any intentional noticing comes after this original and inevitable noticing.
Any intentional allowing comes after this original and inevitable allowing.
ORIGINAL VS INTENTIONAL NOTICING & ALLOWING
There is already a perfect and inevitable noticing and allowing of what’s here in this field of experience.
Any intentional noticing and allowing comes after in time, even if it’s just a few milliseconds.
Any intentional noticing and allowing is imperfect. It’s inevitably partial and approximate.
Just like perfection is built into the original noticing and allowing, imperfection is built into any intentional noticing and allowing.
DIFFERENTIATING OUR NATURE VS THE FORMS IT TAKES
That’s how it should be. It points to an essential differentiation.
Our nature – what this field of experience happens within and as – has an inherent perfection.
Our human nature – with this psyche and these senses – is inherently messy.
WHAT WE REALLY ARE
What I fundamentally am is what instantly notices and allows what’s in this field of experience. I am this awake space forming itself into all content of experience, including any sense of an observer, doer, me, I, and any sense of identification with and as that or not.
I find that this exploration – first failing at noticing and allowing, and then noticing the noticing and allowing already here – helps me differentiate what and who I am. It helps this awake space (what I am) notice itself as this whole field of experience, forming itself into this human (who I am) with his psyche and body and relative slowness.
It also invites a shift of the center of gravity from the second to the first.
