When I am present, Existence is magic.
When I am with whatever I am experiencing, everything unfolds within spacious awareness.
When awareness is brought to the body – mind and feelings join. Mind becomes clear and receptive. Feelings become supportive and offer a sense of fullness and richness.
Everything comes to life. All phenomena comes to life, Existence comes to life.
There is a stream of magic here/now enveloping the fluid inner/outer situation.
Clarification
After writing the below entry, I realize that another distinction needs to be included.
When awareness blindly identifies with the habitual patterns of the personality, there is a constriction. Through allowing awareness to be with what we are experiencing, we bring healing into the situation. We can allow our experiences to unfold within awareness, and have a sense of spaciousness, overview and choice in how we relate to inner/outer situations.
Slowly, this becomes our new habitual pattern. We stay with awareness in more and more situations – during normal operations of the personality and even when strong reactions are triggered in the personality. Eventually, we stay with awareness with few exceptions.
But even here, there are hooks for our awareness. In extreme situations, awareness may still shrink to identify with the processes of the personality. And extreme situations include when unprocessed wounds are triggered. These are areas of the personality we have not yet brought much awareness into, that have not been allowed to unfold in awareness and loose some of their charge.
This can happen no matter how mature we are – independent of how high stage we are on, how much therapy we have done, etc.
The signs are many and familiar to us: A contraction of awareness into identification with processes of the personality. A sense of blind attachment to certain inner/outer situations. A lost sense of generosity towards ourselves, others, Existence. Reactiveness, defensiveness and justification.
If we are not aware of the signs of this collapse of spacious awareness, we get hooked.
If we are aware of these signs, we can use it as a reminder to bring awareness also into this – to allow the wound to unfold within awareness and loose some of its charge. To allow it to deepen our humanity and connection with ourselves, others and Existence.
Original Entry
No matter how mature we are – which stage we are on (in spiral dynamics, the integral model, or any other scale), how much therapy we have done, how well we know the particular patterns of this personality, how established we are in a deepening transdual experience – there will still be hangups, wounded areas, something that triggers a contraction.
If we identify with the contractions, with the particular habitual patterns of the personality, we loose awareness. We react and act blindly based on these habitual patterns. From relating to the world in a more aware and mature way, there is a temporary lapse into reactiveness and relative immaturity.
We can relate to the contractions in a different way. We can bring focus to awareness – bring awareness into the contractions, and the contractions into awareness.
We can relax into our experience. Allow it to unfold in awareness. We relate to the contraction, and the larger inner/outer situation, with more openness and sincerity. There is nothing to prove, nothing to defend. Only an opportunity to allow an opening into a contraction. To deepen and soften our humanity a little further. To connect with ourselves and others – and Existence – in a deeper and more sincere way.
Signposts
The signposts for hangups are the familiar ones. It is any form of blind attraction or blind aversion. Any habitual patterns that are triggered, on any level – physical, emotional, mental. Any habitual patterns that brings constriction when awareness identifies with them.
And the signposts for contraction are familiar as well. It is any time awareness is blindly identified with any of the habitual patterns of the personality – any time we allow awareness to push away or fuel patterns. Any time we feel that we are justified in reacting with anger, defensiveness. Any time we feel a need to justify or prove anything.
Resolution
The resolution for both is the same. To bring our focus to awareness rather than only the pattern. To allow some space into it. To allow the phenomena to unfold within spacious awareness.
And to do this, we can use one or more triggers… Coming to the breath, coming to the weight of the body, asking ourselves Can I be with what I am experiencing right now?
Practice
It is a life-long and deepening practice. We become familiar with our particular signs of contraction. We notice them during – or after – it occurred. We allow ourselves to be with our experience right here/now.
We deepen a new habit of bringing awareness into contractions, and eventually to experience all phenomena as unfolding within spacious awareness.
Choice
And this in turn gives us more choice in how we relate to inner/outer phenomena. From blindly reacting to situations, we respond in ways more appropriate to the particular situation.
We allow ourselves to respond in ways that heal rather than further deepen the splits and the wounds.
For a long time, I have wanted to eventually get involved in research on the effects of meditation, bodywork, etc.
There are several grant opportunities, including through the Massage Therapy Foundation.
Some ideas for Breema studies…
Format
Topic
Effects on one or more levels…
There are many descriptions of what happens when we move up the spiritual line…
Compassion from seeing in ourselves what we see in others. Recognizing how the patterns of the personality of each one of us is conditioned – by our biology, culture, family and personal experience – and that there is little choice when we operate from small mind.
Humility from seeing how we are an infinitely small part of an infinitely larger whole. Our experience of the world is always biased, incomplete and limited. Existence is always more than and different from our experience of existence, even from a transdual view.
Gratitude – for Existence. For being a small part of such an amazing and beautiful whole. For having moved from the blind suffering in small mind to the spaciousness and different sense of choice of big mind.
There are many relationships between words and realizations…
Transdual & Dualistic
Transdual experiences and views cannot easily be expressed through words. Transdual views goes beyond and include all polarities of existence – nonexistence, mind – matter, inner – outer, living – inanimate, life – death, realization – obscuration, sleep – awake. All of these are experienced as expressions of Existence, as a fluid seamless whole. Words, by their nature, differentiate and fragment the world. They are immensely useful, and yet very inadequate to reflect a transdual view.
Shared or Not Shared Experiences
When there is a shared experience, simple and few words are enough to describe it. When there is not a shared experience, no amount of words can convey it. It is impossible to adequately describe the taste of a particular food to someone who has not tasted it for herself.
Maps & Terrain
Words, stories, theories and models are all maps of the world. And all abstract representations reflect a certain limited and filtered view, highlighting some features while leaving others out. Reality is always more than and different from any map.
Pointers
Words, when spoken from direct experience, can be pointers. They can support us in realizing certain aspects of existence through our own experience.
Deepening
Whenever new dimensions of Existence open up for me, I search for ways to express it. And often, I find that I end up using similar or the same words as I used before, although they now have a new depth of meaning for me. The words are the same, the experience quite different.
Words & Realizations
From an intelectual view, words spoken from a more transdual experience can appear simplistic or even banale.
Existence is. True health is harmony with existence. Everything is one.
But when we arrive at a direct experience of that which the words point to, we see that they point to profound realizations of the nature of existence.
Existence is – as it is, beyond and embracing all dualities. True health comes from a direct experience of existence, which is consious alignment – or harmony – with existence. Everything is one – a fluid and seamless whole of all phenomena unfolding in spacious and luminous awareness.
My own path, as it is taking form…
And in addition – a mix of community engagement, ecological view and engagement, nutrition, outdoors activities, etc.
I had a very good conversation with Sean today – tea at 5th Street Market, then walked along the river. We talked about Waking Down, Zen, Ken Wilber’s model, the Integral Institute, and integral practice.
An idea: to start up an integral practice support group. Some guidelines/elements…
Some concerns: That it may be muddled and confusing due to lack of clarity among the participants. Although we may find ways of doing it that preserves the clarity, and the mud may be a fertile source for new insights and clarity.
In Avishai’s intermediate Breema class tonight, a whole new dimension opened up for me.
I experienced every lean and release as gradual into infinity. Independent of fast or slow, there was a sense of gradualness and infinity throughout the whole movement. It emerged from and released into infinity. The absolute was right here now as a continuous stream.
This is similar to other tastes…
All of these right here now as a continual stream…
There are at least four major types of relationship between awareness and phenomena.
Identification
Awareness can be contracted and closely identified with sensations, emotions and thoughts – the processes of the personality. In this situation, there is little room for overview and choice. Awareness is blindly caught up with sensations, emotions and thoughts, and push away or fuel these.
Pitfall: Blindly repress and/or act on the habitual patterns of the personality – blind attractions and aversions. Only live from, with awareness of, one half of existence.
Witness
All phenomena of the inner and outer world unfold within spacious awareness. There is a sense of witnessing, overview and choice.
Pitfall: Sense of disidentification with and distance to the world. Detatched.
Dissociation
There is a resting in luminous awareness, but little or no focus on unfolding phenomena.
Pitfall: Rests in only one half of Existence. Not integrated, embodied.
Transdual
All inner/outer phenomena unfold in spacious and luminous awareness as a fluid and seamless whole. There is Big Mind and overview, and full participation in life. Transdual awareness is fully lived through and integrated in the personality and world.
Pitfall: If not continue to deepen both ends of the transdual/embodiment polarity.
Typically, we go from (a) blind identification to (b) witness, and then to (d) transdual with some glimpses of resting in (c) pure and luminous awareness w/out phenomena now and then – which is used to deepen the transdual embodiment.
Identification & Traces
When awareness is closely identified with the phenomena arising (sensations, emotions, thoughts), there is little or no space for anything other than resistance. Awareness is compelled to directly interact with whatever arises, either by pushing it away or fuelling it.
And this resistance leaves a trace. We repeatedly return to the specific situation that triggered the experience, and we engage in habitual emotional and mental patterns around it – with a charge of attraction or aversion. In addition, the habitual patterns deepen.
The situation hooks us, until we can be with the experience – allow it to unfold in awareness.
Awareness & No Trace
As there is more awareness and less resistance, the inner processes unfold within spacious awareness and leave less trace. There is less of an impulse to repeatedly revisit the situation and to engage in habitual emotional/mental patterns around it. Both being with the experience, and letting go of revisiting, allows the habitual patterns to soften and decrystallize.
The past situation has less of an hook for us.
Notes
Maybe it is not quite accurate to say that there is no trace when we allow experiences to unfold in awareness. There is often a trace in the form of decrystallization, softened habits of the personality. Resistance deepen the habits. Awareness and no resistance decrystallize.
It also seems that the hook that comes from resistance is Existence’s way of helping us bring awareness into what is going on. As we repeatedly engage in the same patterns, we see that something is missing – we keep running into the wall head first. This is a gateway into awareness, into a different way of relating to the inner and outer world.
First, we may seek and develop ways to relating to the inner/outer world that produces less suffering. Then, we may gradually allow ourselves to be with whatever we are experiencing.
The former is more from a view of separation, the latter opens for a transdual view. Both can be immensely valuable and can exist simultaneously.
No Trace
When we stay with a strong experience – allowing it to unfold in awareness without resisting or acting on it – we allow it to burn out. It charges through spacious awareness and leaves no trace.
Karma
Karma is a term describing conditioned existence. All inner/outer phenomena are born from the specific processes of the inner/outer world, and this includes the habitual emotional and mental patterns of the personality. They are formed by biology, culture and personal experiences.
Personal Karma
When we allow strong experiences to burn out in awareness, the habitual patterns they arise from soften. There is a little more space there, a little more openness for something else to arise next time. In this way, our personal karma slowly burns out. The patterns of the personality soften and decrystallize.
Social Karma
In the same way, karma in the outer world soften and decrystallize somewhat. By allowing conditioned and blind patterns in human interactions to burn out in our awareness, we are less likely to perpetuate them through our own actions. This particular cycle stops right here and now.
Notes
I am experiencing this right now, in relationship to another person who is acting in a way that brings up a lot of strong reactions in this personality. It revolves around repeated unnecessary noise, which is a trigger for this personality, and sometimes a hook for this awareness.
When I stay with the experience, it charges through and then burns out within spacious awareness.
I allow awareness to not blindly identify with what comes up – blindly resisting or acting on it (in the world or by fuelling habitual mental patterns) There is more space, overview and choice.
This allows me more choice in how I deal with the situation in the outer world. I can act and speak from more clarity and awareness, in a way that is less likely to aggrivate the situation.
I also notice that when I resist the experience, and either push it away or fuel the emotional/mental patterns arising, there is a strong tendency to revisit the situation and engage in circular thoughts (of judgement etc).
When I allow the experiences to surge through awareness with less resistance, they pass through with little trace. There is not much of an impulse to revisit the situation or engage in certan mental patterns around it.
History
When I had my opening in my teens, and for several years after, I was “hooked” on meditation and prayer – resting in and deepening the tremendous bliss, clarity, luminance in a transdual state. I did it several times a day, often for long times.
Then, when I moved to Wisconsin a some years back, everything fell apart. I had no support around me, and other aspects of my life made me go into a downward spiral – into small mind and reaching rock bottom.
Ironically, this is what I sensed I needed in the years prior to this. I was very familiar with a more transdual way of experiencing the world, but not the contracted and small mind. I knew this during my time in Wisconsin, but it did not make the pain any lighter. Contrary to everything I had learned and experienced previously, I resisted just about everything I experienced.
There was also a very strong resistance to any spiritual practice – which was baffling to me as meditation and prayer came so easy for me in the years prior to this. This only deepened and further fueled my despair.
Coming to Oregon, I sensed this would open up and release, and it did. I found Breema, and am re-learning much of what came so naturally for me earlier.
Meditation
My meditation practice has also shifted. I am now, as earlier, more able to be with whatever comes up and use it as a fuel for awareness.
I can be with whatever thoughts, emotions, sensations arises. Whatever arises is a reminder to bring awareness to awareness. Insights I want to write down, pain or tension in shoulders or lower back, thoughts of things I want/need to do, sadness, despair, frustration, irritability, joy, exhilaration, wishing to be somewhere else, wishing to be here.
Instead of contacting them through pushing away or fuelling, they unfold in awareness – fluidly and always as new. They expand spacious awareness, and there is a current of awareness and bliss.
Self-Image
All this is also a reminder of how self-image shifts in this process. From being more fixed and rigid, it becomes very fluid and insubstantial. It adapts to whatever comes up – any sensations, emotions and thoughts, and as these processes – is always new.
From being something fixed enough to be called self-image, it becomes just observing what arises in the always changing now.
Awareness is one of the many mysteries of existence.
Unfolding
It seems that awareness unfolds through several manifestations.
First, it emerges as local and identified with the processes of the body of an organism. We see this in most non-human species.
Then, it emerges as local and identified with the processes of the body and the emotions. This is expressed in many non-human species and probably most mammals.
In most human beings today, it is local and identified with the processes of the body, emotions and the mental level. It is not, or rarely, aware of itself as different from these processes. It tends to be blindly caught up in the processes of the inner world, fueling the habitual patterns, and acting on these with little awareness or choice.
Shift
At some point, there is a shift. Awareness becomes aware of itself as a separate phenomenon. This typically happens in glimpses at first. There is a recognition that “I” am not only the body and personality, but also awareness. Maybe there is a curiosity so that we explore this further through meditation, yoga, tai chi, chi gong, breema, living the questions, etc.
As we engage in this exploration process, awareness becomes aware of itself in a gradually more continuous way. Awareness becomes more spacious and clear, and that in which the phenomena of the inner world unfolds. There is a sense of perspective and overview, and from that, more choice in how we relate to the inner and outer world.
As it clarifies further, it becomes that in which the phenomena of the inner and outer world unfolds. The inner and outer worlds are experienced as a seamless and fluid whole, and spacious awareness and phenomena are experienced as a seamless and fluid whole.
Clarifying
It seems to be a clarifying process, where awareness becomes aware of itself, fuels itself, and gradually becomes more and more inclusive. It moves from small mind to big mind. From blind duality to transduality.
It is as if layers of less awake, more constricted and more narrow awareness are burned through or pealed away, only to reveal the next layer – a little clearer, a little more inclusive, one step further in the direction of transdual experience.
Fully Transdual
Eventually, awareness becomes more fully awake and transdual. Spacious and luminous awareness within which all phenomena of the inner/outer world unfolds. And they are a fluid and seamless whole.
While this awareness operates through a body and personality, there is a sense of a center. Not all layers have been peeled away.
In this situation, there is an unique opportunity to gradually deepen the transdual view and the way this is lived and expressed through the body and personality, in the society, on this planet, in this universe.
There will also be glimpses of a transdual awareness without a center, and this can unfold fully when there no longer is a particular body the awareness operates through.
Notes
One useful practice in this process of peeling away new layers of awareness, is to stay with the question who/what is experiencing? Awareness turns its eye towards itself, and the layers burn away – moving in the direction of a fully awake spacious and luminous awareness. First with a center, then without, and then with again as long as it operates through a particular body and personality.
I should mention that this is based mostly on my own experiences, from my opening in my teens and early twenties and from mediation experiences, so it is probably relatively obscured. Others have a much clearer view and explanation of this.
The experience of spacious, luminous, transdual awareness without a center, occured during meditation, and was quite a surprise. There was clear mind, but not center at all. It was that in which all existence unfolded. The non-local awareness spread out throughout the universe as a shockwave, rapidly becoming more inclusive.
Something in me stopped the experience before it unfolded fully – because there was a fear in there that awareness would not be able to come back to this body. It is probably not accurate, but just the habitual patterns of personality and mind holding back – not yet being aligned with this new way of experiencing.
As Ken Wilber points out, there are many lines of development. Some of the main ones are cognitive, emotional, relational, social and ethical. And if we take the “average” of these lines, or the typical development for most of them for an individual, we find the “level” of development for that individual. Levels are obviously a gross simplification, although useful as a shorthand.
For each level, there is a healthy and an unhealthy expression. There are valuable and essential insights and approaches at each level, and there are diseases particual for each level – ways they go wrong.
It seems that self-awareness may be a line. Maybe this is the same as spirituality, if spirituality is seen as a line (spirituality can be used to refer to higher levels of development, impermanent states, a line of development, or a basic orientation).
At any (?) level, we can have a basic orientation of self-awareness and of being with our experiences rather than resisting them. And this seems to be a gateway into a more healthy and mature expression of each level of development. It allows for a certain overview, self-understanding, and willingness to stay with uncomfortable experiences and insights. It softens us up and allows for more fluidity and flexibility. There is less to prove and less to protect.
As with any line, it is more likely to be highly developed at higher overall levels, although it can be well developed at the lower levels as well. It seems that this orientation would help us mature and develop faster, from each level to the next.
Several years ago I read a wonderful book called The Overview Effect. It outlines how seeing the Earth from space shifts how we perceive ourselves and our place as part of this planet and universe. The effect is strongest for the astronauts and cosmonauts who have seen it with their own eyes, and more so for those who went the furthest away from the Earth. It changed the lives of many of these individuals, and the images shifted the perception of many of us who did not go into space.
It is interesting how many parallel shifts seem to occur at about the same time in the history of humanity.
All these work in the same way. They give us an opportunity to see the Earth as a whole, all of humanity as interdependent, and ecosystems and social systems as interdependent. We are given the opportunity to shift our individual and collective awareness to become more inclusive, more transdual in certain ways. We are given the opportunity to expand our circle of concern, that which we see as “us”, to include all Earthly life.
We are given the greatest incentive to do so, our own survival.
Spiral Dynamics
The view neccesary corresponds to the sixth level in spiral dynamics. The green level, concerned with inclusiveness in every sense.
It is somewhat disconcerning that most of humanity are at level 3 and 4, some at level 5, and very few at level 6. But it is encouraging that those at level 5, who may move into level 6, and those already at level 6, are some of the more influental in the world…
I continue to work with contractions and openings, and asking myself can I be with what I am experiencing right now?
Habitual Ways of Contracting
Each of us have habitual ways of contracting, with symptoms on all levels – physical, emotional and mental. For me, it is shallow breath, contraction of the calf muscles, a sense of aversion and resistance, and circular mental processes including judgment and blame. There is a sense of everything contracting, shrinking, becoming more rigid, of cutting myself off from life, of resistance to what I am experiencing. And I revisit old situations in a way that only brings the spiral further down.
Noticing
When we become aware of our habitual ways of contracting, we can also notice it sooner. It becomes a reminder that we are indeed contracting, and that there is a process to open up. For me, this consists of breathing more deeply, of bringing focus to spaciousness, coming to my breath and the weight of the body, and of asking myself the question.
Shift
I also ask myself what else I can do to allow it to open, which could be going outside for some fresh air, taking a walk, playing with the cat, do some self-breema or breema bodywork, talk with a friend, go to the library, listen to some music, eat an apple or some other food that I know helps my clarity, or something else.
Sometimes, it lifts the contractions right away. Other times, I have to work with it for a while. I have to let a little bit of light in, allow for some opening, before I can allow it to open further. It is a long and iterative process sometimes, although it works. And each time I do it, the habitual patterns soften a little and a new habit forms. The habit of allowing myself to open up when there is a contraction.
Contraction & Opening of Awareness
I also notice that the contraction and opening is quite literal, and is a contraction and opening of awareness.
In the contracted state, awareness is very much identified with and caught up in the processes of the personality – the sensations, emotions and mental processes. It is literally a contraction of awareness, to a point where there is very little spaciousness and sense of overview. I am blindly caught up in the habitual processes of the personality.
In the open state, awareness is aware of itself. There is a sense of space and overview. The phenomena of the personality unfolds within awareness, within a larger space. The experience is held in a gentler way. And the space and overview gives more of a choice in how I relate to whatever arises in the inner and outer world. Awareness is literally more open, expanded.
Deepening
And as we engage in this process of being with whatever we are experiencing, maybe combined with another (intensifying) practice such as mediation, the sense of spacious awareness deepens. It unfolds further.
Until, at some point, it recognizes itself as the spacious and luminous awareness in which all phenomena of the outer/inner world unfolds. It is the space in which the fluid and seamless universe unfolds.
Instead of talking about ego vs. personality, it may be more useful to talk about awareness and holarices.
Holarchies
A holon is something that is both a whole in itself, and a part of a larger whole. Everything in the universe is a holon, from the smallest subatomic particles to galaxies and most likely the universe itself.
All living beings are a self-regulating system with its own subsystems, and part of the processes and structures of larger system. Humans are partly autonomous systems, we contain subsystems such as organs, tissues, cells, molecules, atoms, subatomic particles, and we are part of the processes of this planet, both social and ecological, and of this universe.
There is differentiation, we can discern systems and their unique characteristics, and they all are part of a seamless and fluid whole. The universe embraces both ends of the part-whole polarity.
Human Health & Development
If we look at human health and development from this perspective, we see that we need to be aware of the holarchical aspect of our existence. It is equally important to develop a strong and healthy personality, as to develop a sense of the seamless whole of existence.
Using the part-whole polarity as a guide can be helpful.
We see that we need to develop a strong sense of ourselves as a unique part, as a system among many other systems. We need to develop awareness and skills so we can take care of ourselves in the world. And we need to develop awareness and skills in how we relate to our many subsystems, including the physical, emotional and mental.
This is often referred to as developing a healthy ego.
And we also see that we need to develop a sense of the larger whole. We are part of family, social, ecological and cosmic systems and are in relationships to all these larger wholes. We need to bring these relationships into awareness, and to develop our skills in relating to all these larger systems.
Eventually, this includes developing a sense of spacious awareness in which all the phenomena of the inner/outer world unfolds.
We deepen our consious relationships with the ourselves as a whole, with our subsystems, and with the larger systems we are a part of.
Through this process, we gradually become more able to bring a more fully awake transdual awareness into life, through this body/personalty and in this world. In relationships with ourselves, others, society, ecosystems, and the universe.
We continue to develop awareness and skills in both ends of the part-whole polarity.
From I first encountered Breema last spring, I sensed that there would be a strong mutual support between Zen practice and Breema.
Both fuel awareness and an emerging into Big Mind, Zen with a focus on the mind, Breema with a focus on the body.
In both…
One of the many strengths of Zen practice is the clarification of mind.
Breema helps create an atmosphere in the body/mind that allows us to become more present more easily, and where the nine principles comes alive. It helps us remain simple – no extra, no force. Just what is there (it is an antidote to the “zen sickness” that some Zen students display, where the ego is inflated).
Words are used in different ways in different traditions, and sometimes even within each tradition. Here is one way of defining some central words that I find useful.
Small Mind
Small mind refers to local awareness exclusively identified with the organism, with the particular body and habitual patterns on physical, emotional and mental levels. There is a dualistic view, seeing the organism as “me” and everything else as “other”.
There is a sense of separation between the inner and the outer world. And from this, a sense of precariousness, of being the victim of circumstances. And there is a blind attachment and acting on the processes of the personality, such as likes and dislikes, thoughts and ideas.
Of course, this is a somewhat caricatured picture, but the overall characteristics are there.
When awareness is local and exclusively identified with the organism, there is “ego”. Ego refers to a more blindly dualistic way of operating, of blindly identifying with the organism and the personality, and of a tendency to blindly be caught up in the processes of the personality.
There is little spacious awareness, and little choice in how we relate to the inner and outer world.
Ego is what is there when we operate from small mind, although the term may not be very useful as it is understood in so many ways, and has a charge to it as well for many. Small mind seems sufficient.
Personality
The personality refers to the processes of the organism – physical, emotional and mental. These are just there, as any other phenomena in the inner/outer world. They arise, unfold, fade.
They can be discerned from all other phenomena, and they are part of the same fluid and seamless whole as all phenomena of the inner/outer world.
The personality is in a sense the “software” of the organism. It is what gives preferences, habits and some predictability in how the organism relates to the rest of the world.
And these patterns are formed and conditioned by our biology, culture and personal experiences.
Big Mind
Big mind is when awareness is more awakened. When there is a sense of spacious awareness in which all phenomena of the inner/outer world unfolds.
There is a sense of overview, and of choice in how we relate to the inner/outer world. We are liberated from blindly acting on the processes of the personality.
We can be more responsive to the specific situation, to what the situation calls for.
Summary
In small mind, there is a local awareness blindly attached to and acting on the processes of the personality. There is little choice, and acting on habitual patterns. There is a strong sense of separation between the inner and outer world. There is a resistance to experiences. There is a sense of rigidity and precariousness. And all these form what some call ego.
In Big Mind, there is spacious awareness in which all phenomena of the inner/outer world unfold. There is a sense of overview, choice, and increased responsiveness to the particular situations.
Awareness is centered on an organism and personality, but since there is a more transdual view, there is no ego. And since there is no/little resistance to experiences, awareness is free to more fully engage in life – to be more fully and deeply embodied in the personality and the world.
There is a deepening of transdual awareness, and a deepening of living this awareness in the organism and the world.
There is spacious awareness within which all phenomena unfolds, and they are a fluid and seamless whole. Awareness melts into all phenomena and experiences.
Many questions come up for us humans…
How did the world emerge? What is the relationship between matter and mind? What is the relationship between the universe and God/Spirit? What happens after we die? Does something live on after death? Will our loved ones always be with us? Is reincarnation real?
Dualistic View
From a dualistic view, these questions can not be answered to our satisfaction.
In a dualistic mode of operation, awareness is esclusively identified with the organism. This particular body and personality with its unique and habitual patterns on physical, emotional and mental levels.
We experience the world as spilt and fragmented, but existence is beyond and embracing all dualities, it is a fluid and seamless whole.
Words
Words come from the need for differentiation and thus split and fragment the world, but existence is a fluid whole beyond dualities. So words cannot adequately describe existence.
At the same time, each statement we make has some truth in it. It points to some aspect of existence that reflects something that is there. Remembering the transdual nature of existence, we can also look for what is missing. For each statement we can make, there is an equal and opposite statement that also has truth in it.
Maps
Words, as well as any theory, model and story we can come up with, are all maps.
And as we know, the terrain is always more than and different from the map. The value of the map is that it simplifies – it highlights some features, simplifies other, and leave others out entirely – and this is also the limitation of any map.
When we speak or formulate verbal expressions from our experiences, it goes through many filters. First, it is the clarity of the experience itself. Then, our interpretation of the experience, influenced by the characteristics of the universe we are a part of, our biology, and our culture, subcultures and personal experiences. Then, it is our conscious filtering. How do I want to tell the story? Who is the audience? What are their experiences with this? What do they understand already and what may they not understand? Which models and worldviews should I align my story with? What is important to include? What should I leave out?
When we digest a story telling us something about the world, it similarly goes through many filters. Some are the same as when we tell a story, such as the universe, biology, culture, personal experience, and others are different, such as how we perceive the source etc.
In short, verbal communication – or any human communication – has both immense value, and many shortcomings.
Transdual Experience
Our questions only find some form of resolution when we experience existence directly from a transdual view. When we experience spacious and luminous awareness in which all phenomena unfold, and the two as one fluid and seamless whole.
From a fully transdual view, or even from glimpses of this view, there is some resolution. We see that the questions came from a dualistic and fragmented way of experiencing the world, and existence is a seamless whole beyond all dualities. One the one hand, the questions came from a misunderstanding. On the other hand, they are immensely important, and the answers goes beyond dualities and what can easily and satisfactory be expressed in words.
If anther person has a similar experience of the world, then few or no words are necessary. If the other do not have a similar experience, then no amount of words will be sufficient to convey the experience. Of course, it is also true that words can be immensely helpful as pointers, as aids to help another open up for such an experience.
Answers
From a more transdual view, it is possible to give incomplete answers to some of these questions. But it only goes as far as words are able to convey a transdual view, and as far as the recipient has similar experiences or glimpses.
How did the world emerge?
All phenomena of the inner/outer world are one fluid and seamless whole. They unfold and shift in mutual dependence. They arise and are not separate from spacious and luminous mind, also referred to as God, Spirit, the Absolute.
What is the relationship between matter and mind?
Mind and matter arise from and are expressions of a seamless whole. As with all phenomena, they can be differentiated and have different characteristics. And as with all phenomena, they are part of a fluid seamless whole. On the level of phenomena, they are part of a whole. And all phenomena and spacious, luminous mind is a fluid and seamless whole.
What is the relationship between the universe and God/Spirit?All phenomena unfold within luminous space. There is a differentiation between the two, but no separation. God can be seen as this mind or space that phenomena unfold within, or both this space and phenomena.
What happens after we die?
Does something live on after death?
Is reincarnation real?
Will our loved ones always be with us?
Everything emerges from and unfolds within luminous space, as one seamless whole. There is differentiation between this luminous space and phenomena, and among phenomena, but there is no separation.
In some parts of the universe, local awareness arise attached to a biological organism. It tends to identify itself with this organism and the patterns of the particular organism, and it sees itself as separate from all other phenomena. Thus, there is an experience of birth, life and death, and a concern about what – if anything – came before birth and may continue after death.
From a transdual view, it all unfolds from and within luminous space. The particular phenomena, including organisms, arise, unfold and fade, all within God, Spirit, the Absolute.
From one perspective, something did happen. From another, nothing happened. Nothing is ever lost nor gained. The characteristics manifested in any phenomenon are always there. But there is no separate “entity” with eternal existence.
Reincarnation means that the patterns of the personality may live on in another body, but this personality is “empty” in a certain sense. There is obviously an awareness attached to it or centered on it, and this awareness tends to identify with the organism. But this awareness also emerges from the vast and luminous mind, beyond all dualities and all separate entities.
Something does live on after death of the organism, because it was never born. But it is not what local awareness perceives as “me”…
Fixing
When we operate from small mind, we tend to try to “fix”.
We want to improve both the inner and the outer situation, and many desireable effects may come from this. We may reduce suffering both for ourselves and others.
At some point, we see that for all its benefits, it does not quite work as well as we would like. It does not guarantee freedom from suffering. The world is far too complex and unpredictable. We may control and fix as much as any human being is capable of, and there are still no guarantees.
Relating
We may discover an alternative to trying to fix the inner world (personality) and the outer world (our external situation). And this alternative is to focus on how we relate to the inner and outer world. While we cannot perfect the personality or our outer situation, we do have more control of how we relate to these unpredictable creatures. We can learn techniques so we see whatever arises as a gift, we can allow them to deepen our gratitude, humility and compassion. And this works quite well – for a while.
At some point, there is a sense that even this is not quite enough. Something is still missing. There is still an attempt to control, to fix in a less obvious way.
We are still operating from a sense of separation. And something in us knows that there really is no separation.
Relaxing Into
At this point, we realize that we can allow ourselves to relax and melt into our experiences.
There is awareness, and there is the unfolding phenomena of the inner/outer world, and they are a fluid and seamless whole. There is spacious awareness, within which the inner/outer phenomena unfold. There is space and overview, and there is no separation.
And although it is no longer the focus, we discover that this too is a truly transformative practice – and even more deeply so than many (any?) we discovered earlier.
Even here, there may be a sense of something being not quite complete. We can always deepen our experience of transdual awareness, and how how we live it through this personality and in this world.
Notes
It seems that many of the spiritual traditions of the world offers techniques and tools for each of these approaches. There are different medicines for different people, and for the same person at different times – depending on where they are at.
Buddhism offers tools for relating and for relaxing into experiences, as do Breema and many other traditions.
Small Mind
Small mind is the awareness that identifies itself with the patterns of the personality. It is the awareness that gets caught up in the likes and dislikes, the thoughts and ideas, of this particular personality.
When small mind tries to follow ethical rules, it is a precarious endeavor.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. When it works, it strengthens the self image and we can be with the experiences that come up. When it doesn’t, it weakens the self image and we resist the experiences that come up.
Shift
There is an inherent dissatisfaction in this process that nudges us to discover a new way of relating to the world. We see that it does not work as well as we would like. We may see that it is a rollercoaster ride dependent on the configuration between outer situations and inner conditioning. That it is dependent on external and somewhat arbitrary rules. That it induces arrogance, guilt, shame and more.
Awareness
The main path into a different way of being is through awareness. When awareness becomes aware of itself, it unfolds.
Choice
From being blindly caught up with the processes of the personality, and blindly acting on them, there are more glimpses of awareness of how they unfold. And as there is more spacious awareness, we have more choice in how we relate to them.
Gradually, there is a growing sense of spacious awareness in which all the phenomena of the inner/outer world unfolds. The center of gravity expands from the phenomena themselves, to include awareness.
Big Mind
This is the deepening big mind, a spacious and clear awareness in which all phenomena unfolds.
There is space and overview, and there is no separation. Awareness and phenomena are a fluid and seamless whole.
We can more often be with whatever arises, unfolds and fades. And we can more consciously choose how to relate to it, how to act and live in the world.
Effects
In this process, there is typically a deepening…
I find the living the questions approach of Raphael Cushnir immensely helpful.
Can I be with what I am experiencing right now?
It releases resistance to the experiences, and allows my awareness to relax and merge into them. There is no resistance, and no separation. The experiences are allowed to arise, unfold, and fade within awareness, and there is more awareness, clarity, overview and choice.
Some of my growing edges in this regard include…
These have come up for me since my teens, and I am still working on them… Sometimes I resists/escape experinencing them, and sometimes I remember to be with the experience, allow them to unfold, and experience clarity and boundaries expanding. And as I am with them, they unfold further. Breema has been a great support in being with these more consistently and I notice the charge around them is diminishing (not a goal in itself).
Notes
Can I be with what I am experiencing right now?
This is another gateway into processes I have explored for a while through meditation, Zen, prayer, and more recently Breema. They all allow a similar process to unfold.
When there is a charge around a particular experience and we resist, it is very uncomfortable. If the charge and resistance both are strong enough, it can even lead to a breakdown.
When there is a charge, and we allow ourselves to be with the experience, there is only energy unfolding – which brings clarity, expansion, increased awareness. There is an expansion of awareness, and of the identity of the personality (more qualities are included). We break open.
There is also a deepening empathy for others that comes from experiencing more characteristics and qualities in ourselves. We recognize in ourselves what we see in others. There is a sense of being in the same boat.
It is curious how awareness unfolds…
Half-Awake
First, there is a low level and local awareness. This is expressed in most animals and humans, and epxeriences the world in a blindly dualistic way.
We identify with this one body and personality, and see everything else as “other”. And we tend to get caught up in – and identify with – the processes of this one personality, the sensations, emotions and (for humans) thoughts.
The patterns of the personality has been formed by our biological history and configuration, our culture and our individual experiences. And we tend to energize and perpetuate these conditioned patterns through our identification with them. They take us for a ride, which is not always pleasant.
This is what Buddhism refers to as small mind. One that is only identified with the processes of the small personality.
Awakening into Awareness
Then, there is an awakening into awareness, as described in several previous entries. There is a deepening of spacious awareness, in which all inner/outer phenomena unfold.
Here, awareness is becoming aware of itself. It brings attention to itself, and the center of gravity moves from narrow identification with the processes of the personality to also include awareness. There is an expansion of what I experience as “me”.
There is a little more than just “small mind”.
Transdual Awareness – w. Center
Here, awareness is awakening further. There is a clear and spacious awareness, in which all phenomena of the inner/outer world unfold.
This is Big Mind, beyond and embracing awareness and phenomena. As long as it operates through a body and personality, there is a center. It “adopts” this one body and personalty, and lives in the inner/outer world through this.
Transdual Awareness – w/out Center
This awakened and transdual awareness can also operate without a body/personalty and without a center. This is the true (?) eye of God.
We can have glimpses of this even when there is a body/personality, although it is difficult or impossible to live and operate effectively in the world from this view. And we don’t need to. This is the unborn awareness, beyond and embracing time and space – and always there. It is Existence.
The Unborn
Existence is transdual mind in which all phenomena unfolds.
It is that in which local awareness unfolds, through organisms such as us.
There are many ways to look at our relationship to situations…
Dualistic
When we are caught up in, and identified with, the processes of the inner world, we tend to perceive a strong separation between the outer and the inner world. We see the personality as one object in an enormous world of other and unpredicatble objects. There is a sense of struggle, fear, precariousness and of being a victim of circumstances.
Awakening
When we bring more awareness in, we gradually gain more of an overview of the situation. There is a disidentification with the processes of the personality, and a realization that all phenomena are conditioned, in mutual dependence, and part of one seamless and fluid whole. There is awareness, and there are the fluid phenomena. This allows us to gain more of a perspective, and more of a choice in how we relate and respond to inner/outer situations.
We gradually see that we do not need to get blindly caught up in the processes of the personality, and that we can allow ourselves to let go of the sense of struggle in relationship to the outer world.
This comes in glimpses at first and in situation conducive to this sense of overview. Then, it flows into more situations and gradually becomes more ordinary, along with a deepening of how we experience this new way of relating to existence.
There is a sense of liberation. Of freedom from blindly being caught up in conditioned patterns and patterns.
Transdual
From a more fully transdual view, there is a sense of existence manifesting. All the fluid phenomena of the inner/outer world arise, unfold and fade in luminous awareness.
Notes
There are many paths into an awakening of awareness: meditation, yoga, tai chi, chi gong, Breema, mind training (lo jong), and Raphael Cushnir’s “living the questions” approach.
When applied well, these tools allows us to…
All of these tools work to their optimum only when applied with support from an experienced guide who knows the terrain well. This is a terrain that goes far beyond what our small mind is familiar with, and we need help to navigate it.
If we rely on the preferences of the personality, we are likely to reinforce just what is keeping us in small mind. We tend to stay stuck in blind identification with parts of the personality (usually where there is some trauma/wound), and engage in patterns that strengthen this blind identification. We tend to resist being with certain parts of ourselves.
I saw Contact again last night, and again it struck me how sophisticated Carl Sagan‘s relationship to the universe is, and yet how conventionally the some of the big questions are played out in the movie.
Belonging to the Universe
The atmoshpere of the movie, as in Sagan’s other work, is a deep sense of belonging to the universe. We are a small part of an immensely large and beautiful whole. There really is no separation in structure nor in process.
The universe a a fluid and seamless whole. Everything is dependent on everything else for its existence.
Awareness, thoughts, insights, feelings, sensations, music, visual art, dance, rituals, cities, pollution, mountains, oceans, clouds, planets, solar systems, galaxies, nebulae – all the inner and outer aspects of the universe, are manifestations of the same processes.
And from this realization, this experience, comes a deepening sense of beauty, awe, humility, gratitude, compassion and wonder…
This, is where science and spirituality are aligned. This, is where they both are pathways into a more transdual experience of existence.
Science & Religion
Unfortunately, in the movie the explisit dialogue operates on a much more conventional level.
It focuses on religion, which is organized and often centered on belief, rather than spirituality, which is a path of discovery and seeking of the nature of existence. Where religion asks us for blind faith, spirituality asks us to see for ourselves.
Religion and science are in many ways opposites, although each takes on the characteristics of the other at times.
Science & Spirituality
Spirituality and science, in their most sincere forms, are much closer aligned. Both are paths to discover more of the nature of existence.
Both are based on experience and empirical discovery. Both are an open-ended exploration process. Both rely on a deeply sincere and honest approach. Both see maps as different from the terrain, of temporary and limited value, and always subject to revision based on new discoveries. Both aim to discover more about the terrain, from direct experience.
Notes
In their sincere forms, religion, spirituality and science all share the aim of discovering the nature of existence.
The difference is in their strategies. Religion tends to rely on faith and belief, and sometimes results in the afterlife. Spirituality and science rely on discovery, testing out for oneself, direct experience and what is here/now.
Of course, religion and spirituality both have their function and value. Religion tends to be for the masses, and – again in its sincere form – has a very healthy influence on society. Spirituality is more for smaller groups of dedicated seekers, those who want to see for themselves and not rely only on second hand information.
And, of course, all three can be corrupted if they are not pursued with sincerity. They can all become rigid, emphasize the maps more than the terrian, and loose focus on their aim of sincerely learning more about existence – the terrain itself.
I live in an intentional community with very conscious and interesting people.
In one of the larger rooms at one of the higher levels, they had a space for clothing exchange. I wanted to experience how it is to be a woman, in addition to being a man, so I took pants that had belonged to one of the women in the community, went into a large bathroom, and somehow knew how to put on the lower half of a woman’s body onto my own. My upper body was the same, but merged into a woman’s body at the midsection. I experienced how it is to be woman and man at the same time, integrated, whole, all levels.
At the same time, I did not want others to see it, because I would not know what to say when they asked how I did it. I knew how to do it, but could not explain it very well.
Notes
The community was similar to Walnut Street Co-op, although there were more and more diverse people. The people were very consious and integrated, and the community had an European feel. I felt very much at home and supported there.
The house was large, with several levels, and tall and spacious rooms. It was very charming and atmospheric.
There was a strong wish to experience a more whole and integrated way of being, including being both woman and man at the same time. Integrated and whole.
And the wish for others to not see it, and not ask me how I did it, is similar to how I experience it with healing. I know how to do it, but I cannot explain it. And I would rather do it without people knowing about it – so they don’t attribute it to this personality, don’t see this personality as anything special, and don’t ask me how I am doing it. This in itself is of course one of the hangups of this personality…!
I would feel very comfortable, both with having a woman’s lower body and do healing, if it was ordinary in the community. If people didn’t see it as anything special. This is another reason why I have such a strong need to live in a spiritual community, such as Kanzeon, Zen River in Holland, and Vekstsenteret in Denmark.
This experience related to healing probably came up as I talked with someone who’s cat I had done healing for last week, and she was greatly improved/healed.
When we emerge into a more transdual awareness, there is a dual process taking place.
Overview
There is a “disidentification” with the inner world. Where a more dualistic awareness tends to get caught up in the processes of the personality (sensations, emotions, cognition), a more transdual awaress is more spacious and witness them unfold within itself. There is also a direct experience of all phenomena, all of the inner and outer world, being part of one fluid and seamless whole.
In all this, there is a sense of overview of all phenomena. Awareness is identified with itself, witnessing the unfolding phenomena. This allows for awareness in how the personality is relating to all these phenomena, and for choice in how to relate to the inner/outer world.
Merging
At the same time, there is a merging of awareness and phenomena. There is no resistance to experiences, and a sense of relaxing and merging into all arising, unfolding and fading phenomena. There is no separation between awareness and phenomena.
Transdual
So there is simultaneously a sense of spaciousness and overview, and a sense of merging into all phenomena. There is disidentification with all phenomena, and a sense of no separation.
There is a deepening experience of awareness and unfolding phenomena as a fluid and seamless whole.
Whenever there is a glimpse of a more transdual view, or an more gradual emergece into it, there is an alignment process that takes place.
Personality
This personality has habitual patterns formed from biology and a lifetime of experiences. These patterns typically reflect a blindly dualistic view of the world, since that is what most of us operate from.
Realignment
When a more transdual view lands, there is a need for a realignment of these patterns and processes of the personality. They need to realign with a more transdual experience of the world. The question that comes up is: How do I live from a more transdual view?
Degrees
It is typically a somewhat painful process, although it depends on the prior patterns. If the personality operated from a quite blindly dualistic view, there is a good deal of realignment that needs to take place. If the patterns were aligned with a more aware and less strongly dualistic view, the realignment is a little gentler.
Pain & Awareness
In any case, some pain is involved.
Awareness is brought into areas that previously were in the dark. We see sides of the personality that there were good reasons for us to previously not be aware of (they did not fit into our self-image and/or cultural expectations). The identity of the personality softens, loosens and becomes more inclusive. Both ends of each polarity is included.
And habitual patterns change. There is a sense of the personality being pulled apart and reconfigured in a new way.
As more awareness is brought into the personality, there may be a sense of decrystallization and of a more fluid responsiveness to the inner/outer situation.
Notes
The personality here refers to the inner world, any fluid phenomena associate with this person. The body, energy systems, emotions, cognitions.
When we operate from a more blindly dualistic view, the awareness is identified with a part of the personality. Some parts are seen as “me”, others are in the dark. Which parts we identify depends largely on culture, upbringing and personal experiences.
As the identity moves towards awareness, and there is a dis-identification with the processes of this particular personality, we open for a more transdual experience of the world.
We see all phenomena of the inner/outer world as a seamless whole. And we experience awareness and all phenomena as a fluid and seamless whole.
Personal Note
I had an emergence into a relatively awake and transdual view when I was about 16 years old. It came suddenly, out of the blue, after a period of illness and existential crisis, and it lasted and depended in the following years.
And this personality was completely unprepared for it. Consciously, I was an atheist with minimal interest in anything spiritual. And the personality was not very balanced and healthy. I was very socially awkward and not comfortable with myself in any way.
Due to the sudden shift and the lack of preparedness, there was a long period of intense and painful reorientation. So much in my personality came into awareness. And it was painfully obvious that this personality was not very well prepared to live from a transdual awareness.
I could live blissfully on my own, but not bring it fully into the world. And I knew I had to bring it into the world for it to have real value and meaning. It was – and is – a long process.
In the beginning, it was a sense of the personality being completely pulled apart and reconfigured. Then it slowed down somewhat and there is a sense of a more slow transformation and alignment process. Of course, there was also a period of “falling from grace” and then finding the way into it again – maybe necessary for picking up some of the loose ends.
Of course, when I say “I” here, it is with invisible quotation marks around it. I know that the personality, this “I”, is not any entity on its own. It is part of the fluid and seamless whole of all inner/outer phenomena. It has not separate or permanent existence in any way. If anything, the “I” is transdual awareness, the luminous spacious awareness that every phenomena unfolds in. And then, I also know that “I” can be used for this personality, when it operates from a more transdual awareness.
First the mountain is a mountain, then it is not a mountain, and then it is a mountain again.
Views & Relating to the World
How we relate to the inner/outer world naturally flows from how we experience the world. When we experience the world in a blindly dualistic way, we see the inner world as separate from the outer, and we tend to be blindly caught up in the processes of the personality. This leads to us acting from blind attachments, and acting relatively blindly (with little awareness) on attractions and aversions, thoughts and ideas.
When we operate from a more awake and transdual experience, we can relate to the inner/outer world with more clarity, simplicity, awareness and choice. There is more space and more overview. And we directly experience all phenomena, and phenomena and awareness, as one fluid seamless whole. This naturally leads to a way of relating to the world that is familiar to us from historic figures who have operated from such a view. It flows naturally and effortlessly from how we experience existence, and is not “willed” in any way.
Guidelines
Some of those with a more transdual experience of the world become guides for others. If they work one-on-one with other travellers, they can give individual feedback and advice taylored to where in the terrain these travellers are and where their blind spots are.
If they work with larger number of travellers, they may see a need to develop guidelines. And these guidelines typically come from a transdual view. They mimick how someone with a transdual view experience and relate to the world.
When a traveller applies these guidelines, they – ideally – reprogram the habitual patterns of the personality. They are aligned more with a future transdual view.
This realignment allows a more transdual view to land a little easier. There is less resistance from habitual patterns. And when or if such a more transdual view lands in the person, there is a little less work to do. The personality is already familiar with some of the new patterns. First they came through guidelines, now from a direct experience.
Of course, there is always a good deal of alignment work to do anyway, but the pre-alignment may make the process a little less painful.
Some reflections on karma…
Good & Bad Karma
There is no “good” or “bad” karma, only karma – cause and effect.
The personality likes to see situations as “good” or “bad”, dependent on likes and dislikes formed by the biology of being human, culture and personal experiences. But even from this perspective, it changes. A situation that seemed “good” turns out to be “bad”. A situation that seemed “bad” turns “good”. There is no constancy.
When we operate from half-awake awareness and a fragmented/dualistic world experience, we produce karma. We operate from a partial view of the world, and the world sends back to us what we left out. This gives us an opportunity to move towards a more transdual experience – to see the whole beyond the fragments, the polarities beyond the poles.
When there is a fully awake transdual awareness, very little or no karma is produced. There is no need for it, beyond possibly some subtle adjustments (although there may always be something as long as there is a body/personality).
Karma as a Tool
Karma as a worldview can also be a useful tool. It can help us relate to the world with more awareness. Which perspectives am I leaving out when I perceive and act this way? How does this influence others? What does this situation look like from more of a Big Mind perspective?
At this phase of human evolution and history, it seems that a deepening of the transdual and integral view is important.
Dwelling in the Absolute
If we only dwell in the absolute, in the luminous ground, and do not work on fully integrating it into our physical bodies/lives, it seems to be its own particular form of blindess and one-sidedness. This form of transduality already exists, always and everywhere, so what is the point of going there?
Integral Approach
When there is a physical human body, it seems much more interesting to deepen our experience of the absolute and the relative. To bring a fully awake transdual awareness into this physical body and into this human life, in this society, planet and universe. This is something that does not exist to any large extent… This is what is new, especially if it happens on a wider scale.
And there seems to be no end to how far we can explore this process… What does a society look like where more people live from a more fully transdual and integral view? How does it evolve? Which phases does it go through? What new challenges arise?
A Note
There may of course be value in someone going into a more one-sided dwelling in the absolute… There is still a body, although that may not be the focus, and there may be valuable insights transmitted to the benefit of many.
Whenever we embark on a journey into an area unfamiliar to us, it is a good idea to find a good guide and good traveling companions. And the spiritual journey is no different.
The Need for a Good Guide
If we rely on our habitual patterns to guide us (the likes and dislikes of the personality), we will not get very far. Most likely, we will just reinforce the patterns that keep us in small mind. A guide can help us get out of the circular paths and the ruts that we inevitably get into.
Characteristics of a Good Guide
A good guide will know the terrain from her/his own experience, and walked the path themselves. Beyond that, the characteristics of good guides are many of the same characteristics of someone living from Big Mind…
There is a sense of generosity on all levels. There is a generosity in how they share their insights and advice. And there is a generosity in how they relate to themselves and others, in regards to both the hangups/blindspots and the realizations. There is an understanding, from own experience, that we are all in the same boat.
We can see our own and other’s blind spots, acknowledge them, and create an atmosphere where they can be recognized and healed. This is very different from putting one self and/or others down.
Warning Signs
Some of the warning signs include…
These all reflect a certain blindness and stuckness, which is not likely to change unless there is an open acknowledgment of the blindness/stuckness.
The Difference: How we relate to blind spots
Of course, even the most highly realized have areas that are less developed or hurt, but the difference is how we relate to these areas.
Do we relate to them with denial? With rationalizations or maybe by trying to make them look like realizations?
Or do we relate to them with awareness, open/explicit acknowledgement, and sincere willingness to work on them…?
When we bring our center of gravity to awareness, we literally see with the eye of God…
Of course, it is in a quite dull and half-awake way at first. Then, awareness gradually expands, becomes more luminous and clear, and becomes a deepened transdual experience.
Eventually, there is a fully awake transdual awareness with a center in and expressed through this one body. And then, a fully awake transdual awareness with no center (in glimpses when there is a body, and continually when there is not).
We are seeing with the eye of God, although there are many veils at first. Veils that gradually are removed.
During the Breema intensive in Oakland two weeks ago, I had a deepening experience of the difference between personalities and awareness…
There is the personalities, the particular characteristics, of people (body, emotions, thoughts) and all fluid phenomena. And there is the awareness, experiencing all the changing phenomena. And they are of course part of a seamless whole as well.
This Personality
I find it very useful to think of “this personality” rather than “I”… There is this personality, with its likes and dislikes, its habitual patterns. And then there is the awareness experiencing sensations, emotions, thoughts. Knowing this, I can choose to not get caught up in the fluid phenomena, allow them to unfold with less interference, and relate to them all with more awareness and choice.
There is a disidentification with the fluid phenomena, and a shift of identification to awareness. I can make choices more independent of the likes and dislikes of this particular personality. I can see this personality reacting with a like or dislike to a certain situation or person, and not make choices based only on those likes and dislikes. There is more space and a softening of old and rigid patterns.
And through this, I am in the present, I am with the experiences, and all the Breema principles are alive as well…
Breema
When they in Breema say “come to the breath and the weight of the body”, “know there is a body”, etc., then this is a skillful means to bring the center of gravity to awareness and aid the gentle disidentification with the shifting phenomena of the personality. This is similar to counting the breath in Buddhist meditation, although more active and in movement.
Can I Be With What I Am Experiencing?
The question outlined in Unconditional Bliss by Raphael Cushnir has a similar effect. I bring awareness to what I am experiencing right now, and ask myself can I be with what I am experiencing? I shift my focus to awareness and experiencing, and there is a separation between awareness and the shifting phenomena, and a softening of any identification there may be to the shifting phenomena.
I am letting go of resistance to my experiences, and there is more energy available and a sense of expansion, spaciousness and clarity. And all the Breema principles are alive. There is body comfortable, no extra, full participation, single moment single activity, mutual support, no force…
As I allow myself to relax and melt into the experiences, there is simultaneously a separation of awareness and phenomena, and a seamless whole of the two.
Conditioned Phenomena
And there is also a recognition of the conditioned aspect of all fluid phenomena. Everything is conditioned on something else. Everything is interrelated and formed by everything else. It is one fluid whole. And most human beings are blindly identified and caught up with the conditioned personality, created by everything else…
Compassion
Seeing this, a deepening sense of compassion comes up. We are all caught up in this “prison” of the conditioned personality. Until we become aware of awareness that is… Then there is a deepening of spaciousness, more choice, and an experience of the common “source” of all phenomena and all personalities.
Personality & Source
There are personalities with unique characteristics, and one source. The timeless, spacious, luminous awareness is always there. Luminous space, and all phenomena unfolding in that space…
Projections is one of the main ways Existence helps us fuel awareness.
The inner and outer worlds are parts of a seamless whole. They are fluid manifestations born from and held in the same existence. All qualities and characteristics that we are aware of are both in the inner and the outer world.
Basic Split
When we operate from a fragmented worldview, or rather worldexperience, as most of us do, we split polarities. The basic split is between the inner and the outer world, and from this basic split follows many other processes.
We see the inner world as “I” and the outer world as everything else – “it”, “they”, “you” etc. There is a separation and clear difference between the inner and the outer worlds. And we identify strongly with the manifestations of the inner world (sensations, emotions, thoughts) and less so or not at all with various aspects of the outer world. From this, it becomes important to stay with a relatively stable sense of identity, and to boost our self-esteem. How do this personality (“I”) compare to everything and everyone else out there?
Projections
We see one end of a polarity as opposed to the other end, relate to one with aversion and the other with attraction, and have ideologies and sets of values that justify this way of relating to the world. These ideologies come from our culture and subcultures and are further modified by our personal experiences.
When we see in ourselves the “good” end of the polarity, and in others the “bad” end, we feel good about ourselves. If it is the other way around, our self-image is hurt. It is a precarious situation, so there is little wonder that we tend to play many games with ourselves to maintain our self-image. We do this mainly through different types of coping mechanisms, which are all useful and invaluable when we operate from a basic split.
Awareness
Throughout life, most of us learn that life is not as black and white as it may have seemed. We realize that we are all human, all in the same boat. What I see in others are qualities I also recognize in myself. They may be expressed in different ways, at a different level of intensity, or maybe not at all, but they are there. Eventually, we may come to see – and directly experience – that everything in the outer world is also there in the inner.
Tools
This may come through just living our lives. But it can also be the product of a conscious process. We can learn to use attractions and aversions as guideposts for split polarities.
What specifically do I experience attraction/aversion towards in this situation? Can I see those qualities in myself? How do I experience them in the inner world? How do I relate to them? How do I express them?
With time, attractions and aversions become triggers for this process. We use the outer world as a reminder for what is in the inner world, and the other way around.
Effects
As we stay with the process, the sense of split softens. The inner and outer worlds are experienced more as a seamless whole. There is a growing sense of connection, belonging and of deepened empathy, gratitude and humility. There is a growing sense of no separation – within the inner world, and between the inner and outer world.
We also move from less awareness, being at the mercy of blind attractions and aversions, to awareness and increased conscious choice. The first brings with it much suffering, the second an ability to relate to situations in a more clear-headed way.
And, it is a process of softening our blind attachments in general, including to our self-image. From a narrow and rigid perception of ourselves, we move towards a more fluid and inclusive perception of ourselves. This allows for more choice and for relating to situations in a more fluid and responsive way.
Larger Picture
This whole process is a part of the larger process of…
Personal
My own projections include…
So my question is, can I see these qualities in myself? Whenever these reactions come up, I have an opportunity to be with the experience, relax into it, and discover these qualities in the inner world as well as the outer.
There a different forms, or levels, of transdual views. Each of these can be a state, a temporary glimpse, or a level, a more permanent way of experiencing the world.
Emerging Transdual: Cognitive
An emerging transdual view on the cognitive level, often formed through studies and application of more transdual maps, such as systems theories, deep ecology, new cosmology, the Integral Model and spiritual maps such as Tibetan Buddhism. The center of gravity is on the cognitive level, although it can prepare the ground for more direct transdual experiences.
Emerging Transdual: Experiential
An emerging experiential transdual view. This can come through practices such as yoga, tai chi, chi gong, meditation, breema, deep ecology and more. This is experienced by awareness and/or the whole being (body/mind), although at a low level, more as a hunch or a feeling.
Awake Transdual: w. center
This is a direct experience of Existence, beyond and embracing all dualities, but with the personality as a center. It can come through a meditation/prayer practice, or spontaneously. We have a direct experience of Existence beyond and embracing all dualities, such as absolute (luminous space/ground) and relative (all fluid phenomena in inner/outer world), existence and nonexistence, living and inanimate, mind and body, etc. We directly see how these all arise from luminous space, and have the same essence. They are all fluid expressions of Existence, Spirit, God etc. At the same time, the awareness has a focus in the personality, this one aspect of the manifestations of Existence.
Awake Transdual: no center
This is similar to the previous type, although more full blown and without any center. There is only luminous mind/ground/space and the myriad manifestations, but no center in any particular phenomenon or personality. We can have glimpses of this in meditation, but it would be difficult to function as a human being from this level… If we have a center of gravity in the previous level, then this reminds us that there is something even beyond that.
For humans, it seems that our role and task is to deeply integrate an increasingly deepened transdual experience with our human existence. To weave together the absolute and relative, through this body and personality, and to live it fully in the world.
Ken Wilber describes four meanings of spirituality – four ways the term is used.
There are some common characteristics in the expression of all these types of spirituality, some noted above.
Circle of Concern
Our circle of concern widens. It goes from our individual physical survival (non-human species, humans in extreme crisis situation), to include a small group of humans (tribal), to include all humans independent of ethnic background, gender, sexual orientation etc. (human rights in all its variations), to include all life (animal rights, ecosystems, gaia orientation), to include all of Existence (all fluid inner/outer phenomena).
Another way of describing this is to say that our loose identity, who/what we include when we say “us”, expands to include increasingly more of all relative phenomena.
It seems that when we include a new group in our circle of concern, there is first a period of a “hunch”, followed/accompanied with a cognitive understanding, and glimpses/periods/situations where this is also experienced and expressed more directly. As we become more comfortable with our new orientation, it becomes more of a direct and stable experience, more and more integrated into our being (our other aspects becomes oriented/aligned with our new orientation), and it is applied in more and more situations.
From being “special” it becomes ordinary and more stable.
Awareness
There is also an increased awareness and “identification” with awareness and the witness. From being blindly caught up in emotions and thoughts/ideas/self-identity, we fuel awareness which gives more space, a “disidentification” with emotions/cognitions.
When we are caught in emotions/cognitions, we are also caught in habitual patterns. We react more than respond to the situation.
As there is more spacious awareness, there is also an increased choice in how we relate to the inner/outer world. We see what is happening, and can choose how to relate to it and act on it. We respond more freely and in a way more appropriate to the specific situation.
Contractions & Openings
Another way to describe this is a move from habitual contractions to more habitual openings. It is part of the human condition to contract, to resist our experiences and inner/outer situation., and we all have habitual patterns of contraction on all our levels (physical, emotional, cognitive).
For me, it is expressed in shallow breath, tension in calf and shoulder muscles, emotional reactiveness and/or resentment, and cognitive judgment and repetitive thought patterns.
When we recognize this, we fuel awareness. We include awareness/witness in our identification, and loosen our identification with sensations, emotions and cognitive patterns.
We learn how to be with our experiences, to melt and relax into them. To allow them to arise, unfold and dissolve. And we realize that this is typically far less threatening than it seems when we are in the resistance mode. There is a release of energy previoulsy used to resist, and a new spaciousness and clarity. We experience life more fully, and participate with/in life more fully. Slowly, new habits are formed of being with whatever arises. It is of course a practice, something to engage in consciously, until it becomes more stable and ordinary for us.
All four types of spirituality is characterized by more habitual openings, by an quicker recognition of when we contract, and increased skill in moving contractions into openings by being with, or just being, what we experience here/now…
Eventually, there is a also a recognition and relaxation into a more transdual experience. Awareness and phenomena are seen as distinct, yet part of one fluid and seamless whole.
I am listening to Ken Wilber’s Kosmic Consciousness (10 CD series), and it is a good review of many of the insights/maps I have been working with/explored since my late teens.
One of the basic ones is of course the pre-rational, rational and post/trans-rational levels of development and views… (the confusion of which Wilber calls the pre/trans fallacy).
Development
Prerational level: Infants are possibly in a state of undifferentiated one-ness, but there is not much awareness there and little or no differentiation. Children and animals may live in the now, and children may not differentiate much, but it is because they are not capable of anything else… There is at best a low level awareness of oneness.
Rational level: As humans grow up, there is some more awareness and we learn to differentiate. We become good at seeing the parts but are less able to see the whole (and even less able to experience the seamless whole). We see the ends of the polarities rather than the polarities themselves, and have are often caught up in attractions to one pole and aversion to the other. It is a fundamentally fragmented worldview/experience. There is a half-awake awareness of differentiation and parts.
Transrational level: There are different transrational levels, with differing degrees of transdualness. Some humans reach a fully transdual view, where there is a more fully awakened awareness, and embrace of both the seamless whole and the parts (oneness and differentiation). We see, and directly experience, the polarities as well as both ends of each polarity. The rational level is baked into this, but not taken as being even close to the full picture. We experience the whole and the parts.
Views
Topic: Crop Circles, UFOs, astrology, anything paranormal
Pre rational view: Unquestioned belief in one answer that is not fully supported by data/research. This can be blind faith or blind rejection of certain theories/ideas about what is behind a certain phenomenon. For instance, those seeing crop circles as messages from extraterrestials or nature spirits, and those seeing them as obviously hoaxes, both fall into this category as the data is inconclusive and the research limited.
Rational view: Scientific and open-minded research and exploration of the phenomena.
Transrational view: Exploration of these phenomena as symbolic, reflecting something in the human psyche. Leaving open the question of the physical explanations, and recognizing them as irrelevant for/independent of their inner meaning for humans.
Here is a brief summary of the key points of Sprial Dynamics, for my own benefit…
Main points
Levels